Thursday 18 June 2009

No Escape. Not Even In The Grave

If you thought you could at least escape the clutches of the green fascists when finally in the sweet embrace of the grave, think again:
Grieving relatives have been left distraught after a council banned them from dressing loved ones in their favourite outfits in a crackdown on pollution.
Yup, councils now abrogate to themselves the right to tell us how to dress our deceased – for Gaia!
It means an end to people being cremated wearing their football shirts, or parents placing soft toys in children's coffins.
Because it’s killing polar bears if you bury your dead child with a Chad Valley polar bear soft toy. Or something…
Kirklees Council in West Yorkshire is the only authority in the country to adopt the approach, according to a national cremation body.

On top of the normal funeral arrangements, mourning families in Huddersfield are being forced to spend £60 on natural-fibre shrouds or seek permission from council officials to help honour their loved ones' last wishes.
So, it’s a money-making scheme too, is it? Fantastic!

Who’s got the contract for these ‘enviroshrouds’, I wonder? Al Gore? George Monbiot? Some other watermelon?
One man, who did not want to be named, was shocked to find his relative could not wear the 100 per cent cotton outfit she had chosen before she died.

He said: 'We knew it had to be natural fibres so she chose a top and slip that was 100 per cent cotton.

'But when the funeral director came we were told she would have to wear a special shroud. He pulled out a swatch of different colours to choose from.

'We didn't know what it looked like and when we went to see her in the chapel of rest, we couldn't believe it.

'It was all fluffy and frilly. The deceased would not have wanted to have been seen dead in it - unfortunately she was.'
And now that this pointless (and heartless) decision has come to light in the media, are Kirklees backtracking wildly?

What do you think?
A Kirklees Council spokesman said: 'Crematoria must maintain strict emission controls and it is because of this that Kirklees Council has a policy that bodies be dressed in approved garments such as cremation shrouds and that no artefacts are placed within the coffin.

'If a family wish to request a cremation in something other than a funeral shroud the funeral director needs to provide sufficient evidence that the proposed alternative was made completely of natural fibres. '
Well, no wonder it was an unnamed spokesman…

Listen, you little snivelling apparatchik – you aren’t employed to decide the minor funerary arrangements of the loved ones whose rates keep you in a comfortable job and a guaranteed pension.

You are employed to keep the streets clean, ensure the drains work, and the roads are pothole free. And nothing more.

Did even Soviet Russia aspire to these depths of control over their citizens lives?

11 comments:

Macheath said...

The mention of a chapel of rest raises an interesting question: has Britain now adopted the almost universal US custom of embalming, even when the deceased is to be cremated? In which case, the chemical emissions would surely exceed those from the clothing.

For a fascinating, if outdated, analysis of the US approach to such matters, I recommend Jessica Mitford's book 'The American Way of Death'.

Meanwhile, spare a thought for Davendar Kumar Ghai, whose dying wish for an open-air cremation was thwarted by government nit-picking.

Personally, I fancy a Viking's funeral complete with burning longship and lots of beer; no religious or cultural reason, but it would annoy the hell out of all the establishment busybodies.

Vetnurse said...

I bet the council idiots bury their family as they want just have their mates sign the forms.

SaltedSlug said...

Wow. Normally I'd like to do a devil's advocate job on the more contentious stories, but damn, that's messed up.

Paul said...

This goes beyond unbelievable. I'm absolutely stunned that people - 'authority' - could be this unfeeling and cruel.

Whoever it is that decided this proposal wants gutting. And then burying in the 'approved garment' of his/her choice. I think the flag of the USSR would be appropriate.

Gibby Haynes said...

If someone tries to dress me in hemp after I've bought the farm, I'm coming back as a zombie and going on a brain-eating rampage.

On a related note, a couple of weekends ago, I went to my Dad's and we cut off what we estimated as 3/4 of a Ton of fir tree branches and then burnt them. For Gaia.

Vetnurse said...

Gibby the problem with that is the word brains. None of that lot of the council appear to have any so you will go hungry.

Angry Exile said...

My flabber is ghasted, because this is going to be like the fucking bins all over again, isn't it? One or two start fortnightly collections, then a few more, then the rest of the herd. Before you know it this will be mandatory in most if not all of the country. Suppose you could always stipulate that one of these be used instead of a hearse.

JuliaM said...

"In which case, the chemical emissions would surely exceed those from the clothing."

Interesting point. I've no idea. Let's hope a mortician is reading this blog!

"Personally, I fancy a Viking's funeral.."

Why not? It's bound to be 'your culture' if you just go back far enough!

"..damn, that's messed up..."

That's so often the response to stories in the media these days, I find!

JuliaM said...

"Whoever it is that decided this proposal wants gutting. And then burying in the 'approved garment' of his/her choice. I think the flag of the USSR would be appropriate."

That's actually a very good idea. ;)

"...the problem with that is the word brains. None of that lot of the council appear to have any so you will go hungry."

Lol!

"...this is going to be like the fucking bins all over again, isn't it?"

There's a thought! I'll just ask to have myself put in the wheelie bin. I'm recyclable, I'm sure... ;)

sobers said...

I'm going to build a long barrow on my farm, and be buried in that. If it was good enough for Prehisoric Man, its good enough for me.

And as long as I don't pollute a watercourse, they can't even stop me with their petty laws!

Hostage Hoosier said...

This makes me want to go burn styrofoam just because.