Tuesday 14 September 2010

And The Hits Just Keep On Coming…

Following on from the recent examples of fortunate early termination of criminal careers, it seems we’ve got another one:
Paul Fowkes, 20, was killed while trespassing on railway tracks near Fort Road, Tilbury, last July.

An inquest at County Hall in Chelmsford yesterday, heard how Mr Fowkes, of Kelvin Road, Tilbury, and his friend, Jay Cosans, 22, went to the railway line at around midnight to steal copper cables.
This has been causing a lot of disruption on the c2c and other Essex lines, and I’m pretty sure I saw a recent report that indicated other counties had had similar incidents.
The jury returned a verdict of accidental death.
There being no verdict of ‘fortunate criminal stupidity’.

Perhaps Starmer might like to look into that while he’s busy messing up our existing legislation?
Addressing the Fowkes family, Coroner Caroline Beasley-Murray said: “Paul was clearly a much-loved young man and I hope you will be able to dwell upon all the happy and positive memories of him you have.”
“…and forget that he died not just a thief, but a clumsy and incompetent thief.”
Mr Cosans was taken to hospital and later arrested for attempted cable theft.

He pleaded guilty at Basildon Magistrates’ Court and was given a 12-month community order, as part of which he must complete 150 hours community service.
I wonder what they gave him to do?

11 comments:

Bucko said...

Hopefully they made him a Wank Booth Cleaner's Rag Wringer.

Angry Exile said...

"I hope you will be able to dwell upon all the happy and positive memories of him you have.”

I'm sure his last memory was also positive, as well as direct current.

MTG said...

"Coming soon - the SHOCKING truth of police blogging troll, Melvin T Gray!!!"

Gadget may well have wished I was the electrifying character of this particular happy story, Julia. Otherwise I am the subject of the cheapest possible version of a David O. Selznick publicity stunt.

Yet the much hyped forthcoming 'revelations' promise to be something I cannot afford to miss.

Captain Haddock said...

Couldn't have phrased it better myself Bucko ... ;) :) :)

KenS said...

I don't remember if you picked up on this one:-

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-11000508

microdave said...

"I'm sure his last memory was also positive, as well as direct current."

Sorry to be a pedant AE, but if the cable struck an overhead railway supply here, it would have almost certainly been 25,000 volts AC! - So he would have suffered both positive and negative last memories. Hopefully a few more of the latter.

The "Orange Flash" must have been very impressive, and I bet he never had a better "Knee Trembler"...

Anonymous said...

Beautiful story, shame the other oxygen thief survived.

I like the cut of your jib Bucko! I bet Ken Clarke never thought about that as an alternative to prison!

Angry Exile said...

microdave, you're right of course. I didn't read the linked article and was thinking third rails rather than overheads. Shame I can't edit the comment.

JuliaM said...

"Hopefully they made him a Wank Booth Cleaner's Rag Wringer."

LOL!

"I'm sure his last memory was also positive, as well as direct current."

:D

"Gadget may well have wished I was the electrifying character of this particular happy story, Julia. "

Blimey! Has he finally lost it?

"I don't remember if you picked up on this one..."

Ooh, no, I missed that one! I see our forces of law and order are stumped:

"Police said no arrests had been made..."

/facepalm

"...shame the other oxygen thief survived."

Yes, well, you can't have a happy ending every time, it seems.

James Higham said...

It's a great self-actualizing process, one of the few which work.

MTG said...

"Blimey! Has he finally lost it?"

He did succeed in broadcasting a serious 'sensitivity' problem; now plainly evident to amateur psychologists.

After much fanfare and super billing, his followers must feel a little let down by a disappointing exposé and damp squib, Julia.

I am content to cherish Gadget's tin foil hat present, providing it doesn't make my head look too big.