Sunday, 13 May 2012

We Don't Need Magistrates After All!

We can leave the doling out of punishment to the infrastructure instead!
The court case of a suspected football hooligan had to be adjourned after the accused was injured in the court's toilet.
Liam Melody, 19, of Stanley Gardens, Wallington, ran into court crying for his dad after a partition above the urinals at Croydon Magistrates' Court fell on his head, causing a gash.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Not so hard, are you?
Mr Melody appeared at court on Tuesday, when he faced the possibility being given a football banning order which would bar him from all grounds in the UK.
Before the incident halted proceedings, the court was told Melody was a "prominent" member of the Crystal Palace supporters' group the Holmesdale Fanatics.
PC Perry Lathwood gave evidence to the court, saying he had been in contact with Melody a "number of times", describing him as "aggressive" and "difficult to communicate with".
Did you ever try a piece of two-by-four to the back of the head? It seems to do wonders...

Of course, my amusement at this is tempered by the likelihood the weak-chinned, spotty-faced little sweetheart will probably now demand - and get! - compensation...

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

"...aggressive" and "difficult to communicate with.." How fortuitous that the omission of 'foul-mouthed and scruffy' did not immediately confuse the description with one more fitting of plod.

"Did you ever try a piece of two-by-four to the back of the head? It seems to do wonders..."

Your small audience needs little encouragement or excuse to strike a handcuffed victim...or bravely use a club on someone held down by others, JuliaM.

jaded said...

Do you live next door to this idiot Melvin? If you did you may have a different opinion.
I don't remember anywhere in the story saying the police hit him on the head.If the falling urinal partition works perhaps it will be used more often.I'm fed up with prisoners falling down the stairs.Even though our custody has none (wheelchair accessible).

Captain Haddock said...

Jaded ..

As is patently obvious to one and all, Melvin (in his many incarnations .. He's got more "names" than Lloyd's of London) has only one default setting and only one song to sing ..

What I'd be interested in learning is why he hates the Police so much ..

Did he apply to join the Police & got turned down for being a nutter ?

Did he get caught "up to no good" and thinks he got a rough deal ?

Was the dribble left on his mother's thigh hatched by the warmth of the beam from a copper's torch ?

I think Melvin should "come clean" and tell us .. and whilst he's at it, he might also care to enlighten us as to precisely what sort of "Doctor" he is too ..

C'mon Melv, the ball's in your court .. the stage is all yours .. ;)

Anonymous said...

@ WPC Jaded

"I'm fed up with prisoners falling down the stairs." - A frustration you can share with all of us.

A topic on 'lex' brought back memories of hopes I shared with other students of the sixties, for improvements to UK policing. You simply have no idea how your comments serve as a constant reminder of Establishment betrayal and disappointment.

Woman on a Raft said...

It's a miracle! Quick, set up a shrine.

jaded said...

Unfortunately Melvin you intellectuals have no sense of humour.
Once again the question was dodged.Congratulations on your consistency.

Anonymous said...

@ WPC Jaded

'Idiot' is a term generally regarded as offensive and makes regular appearances in your comments, to obscure the definition of a mental age below three years. It is your favourite one-word abuse of members of the public holding opinions contrary to your own.

Your description of Mr Melody as an 'idiot' on this blog (which JuliaM failed to moderate) is as much police misconduct as it is libel. Your insulting description is also in direct conflict with reports submitted to Croydon Magistrates. Police evidence presents Mr Melody as anything but an 'idiot' in descriptions of a highly influential member of a fan club.

Yesterday you called me 'idiot' but within 24 hrs you redesignate me 'intellectual'. Neither term is accurate and your selective use of labels to suit a particular purpose, is dishonest and unacceptable from Met police. You have a history of besmirching named idividuals, the bulk of it having a racial bias.

As far as I am concerned, Mr Melody has been convicted of nothing. Your anonymous and cowardly smearing of an identifiable individual in public, represents all that is wrong with policing today. It is a particularly sad era in our History when mendacious cowards, purportedly serving the public, damage the reputation of those whose only crime was to be "difficult to communicate with.." in the subjective opinion of one policeman.

I do hope any thoughts of 'idiots' did not mar your enjoyment of F1 as much as they did mine.

ranter said...

Meds Melv....meds....come on now you know you've got to take them regularly and when the nice doctor told you too. trust me...you'll feel so much better.

As for Mr Melody, are you sure it was his progenitor 1 (male) that he was calling for and not Injury LAwyers $ U? If not, I'm sure they got a call later in the day.

A nasty little shit for sure and....isn't Wallington near CROYDON?

MEDS MELV!

jaded said...

Well deflected Melvin,you are back on form.

I assume you have a file on me.Please mention anywhere I have made racial comments,or is libel only one way?A clever ruse by you as it's almost impossible to prove you ARE NOT racist when you are accused.

PS You have actually made a spelling mistake in your post.However I won't harp on about like you do to prove that "all police are thick" etc etc.

jaded said...

The thing about the internet Melvin is that people can be who they want.
You have no idea what colour/race/religion I am,or even if I am real PC.I could be making it all up.You constantly (and hilariously) get my gender wrong as an example.
I've heard that bloggers sometimes give themselves titles like,for example Doctor,without any proof.Spooky eh?

Anonymous said...

Good Evening, Ranter.

I am so pleased you are well enough to respond to the urgent call for plod 'back-up'...what with your digestive problems, feet ulcers 'n all.

If by 'meds' you refer to copious helpings of classical music and a little brandy or red wine; these are insufficient in themselves. I have discovered that a man must also take evening shelter from coarse-mouthed and mindless hoi polloi.

JuliaM said...

"...or bravely use a club on someone held down by others...."

A 'club'? Do you mean the small chocolate biscuit?

"Your description of Mr Melody as an 'idiot' on this blog (which JuliaM failed to moderate)..."

And why would I?

Anonymous said...

@ JuliaM

Over the years I have enjoyed many of your posts and an expectation they would unfailingly combine entertainment with fair play, was always unrealistic. IMHO this post represents a significant departure from your usual high standards; a mistake only to be compounded by an 'unusual' display of late arrogance.

jaded said...

Julia how dare you run your own blog? How dare you not edit it or censor to Melvins satisfaction?
Apparently calling someone an idiot is now libelous,but nasty little shit is OK?
Melvin start your own blog and you can censor it as you wish.You and your mate who sticks up for rapists can pat each other on the back over the internet to your hearts content.

David Gillies said...

No, I'm with Melvin. I think Julia should refund him his money right away under Blogger Code of Conduct and promise to run future stories past him before publishing.

Anonymous said...

@ David Gillies

Your opportunity may be limited to a compost funeral but we should all strive to enrich the earth.