Monday, 11 February 2013

Christ, It's April 1st Already?!?

I mean, it must be. Right?
Gangs are being given lifesaving first aid lessons so they can help victims of attacks.
What do they mean, 'attacks'? Dangerous dog attacks? Terrorist attacks? Angry swarm of killer bee attacks? Surely they can't mean...

Oh. But it seems they do:
The Street-Doctors group says that gang members who see others injured want to help but panic and flee. The pioneering group believes that they can equip them with skills to help prevent victims from dying.
Sorry to be so blunt, but...why should we care?

Frankly, if they all kill each other off, the world in general, and London in particular, will be a better place for it.
Dr Rhead said: 'It's part of everyday gang culture to stab someone in the back of the knee or the arm,' The Daily Star reported.
'They don’t realise they can kill someone like that.'
I say, give 'em anatomy lessons, so they hit an artery every damn time!

6 comments:

MTG said...

We must find charity and sympathy in every sense of the term 'bleeding heart' Julia.

How can anyone contemplate denying these groups those street tutorials necessary to pinpoint key arteries and vulnerable organ locations, together with Elastoplast kits?

For leaflet distributor safety, illustrations of required blade depths could be posted at street corners.

Bucko The Moose said...

Gang members panic and flee? I thought they were supposed to be tough guys?

Mark Wadsworth said...

Weird.

If you've been involved in a mass stabbing type fight and somebody cops it*, as a general you want to "panic and flee" because you don't want to get caught by the police.

Whether or not you have first aid skills is not going to change this one iota.

* And surely, if a group of people armed with knives set out to stab other people, surely they will manage to do so, especially if there are two such groups intent on stabbing each other. It is not rocket science.

John Pickworth said...

Gangs are being given lifesaving first aid lessons...

Have we finally gone completely insane?

Lets bring in the Tactical Firearms Unit so we can teach them how to aim their illegal guns. Or give them eye tests so there's no misunderstanding when recognising gang colours. Maybe send them on taxpayer funded trips to LA so they can learn to be propa gangstas. Oh heck, lets go mad and give them subsidised Diners Club and spa memberships too

John M said...

We should be training them to kill themselves.

That would at least benefit society.

JuliaM said...

"Gang members panic and flee? I thought they were supposed to be tough guys?"

Victims don't scream, vomit and bleed on the X-Box, innit, blud?

"...as a general you want to "panic and flee" because you don't want to get caught by the police. "

Well, quite!

But don't give them ideas - they'll want all potential bystanders trained next!

"Lets bring in the Tactical Firearms Unit so we can teach them how to aim their illegal guns."

But not from the Northern forces, eh?