Sunday, 15 December 2013

Answers On A Postcard…

The un-named man, who appears to have been home at the time, was left unable to move, but luckily had his mobile phone close by.
Firemen who attended the scene were able to free him from the object successfully, but he did require on the spot medical treatment from paramedics.
The firemen then provided the man, from Newport, South Wales, with “suitable advice” to avoid getting into a similar predicament again, the Mirror reports.
Just what would constitute ‘suitable advice’?

15 comments:

patently said...

Reminds me of the tale of the university don who was admitted to hospital for removal of a candle.

He explained that he had lit a candle because the light bulb had blown. Then he climbed up to replace the bulb - but slipped. Unfortunately, he landed on the candle, hence its irretrievable insertion.

A perfectly reasonable story, I'm sure you'll agree.

Pavlov's Cat said...

one hopes it was just the middle bit
and not one of these

Fidel Cuntstruck said...

I wonder what the "safety advice" was?

*grins evilly*

Joe Public said...

"Firemen who attended the scene were able to free him from the object successfully,......."

Blimey, they used a fireman's hose for colonic irrigation??

"Just what would constitute ‘suitable advice’?"

Next time boyo, we send the self-proclaimed expert on the procedure.

wiggia said...

Some years ago a friend worked at the Middlesex Hospital in London,he said they had removed all sorts of items from "gentlemens" bottoms, some you would not believe !

Dr Cromarty said...

My wife, who works in A&E tells me it's uncanny the number of people who slip coming out of the shower and end up with some household item up their jacksie. Given the reflexes of the anal sphincter it's remarkable that it opens at just the instant their arse hurtles towards the object. All the more remarkable given the physiological fact that stressful, frightening episodes (like slipping in the bathroom) cause sympathetic reflexes which would tend to tighten the sphincter. Weird.

Longrider said...

Surely it would have been simpler to go to a specialist shop (or website for the embarrassed) and buy an object designed for the purpose - that is, designed not to get stuck. Along with some lube, of course...

Maybe that was the advice given, eh?

As it is, chortles all round at the local fire station.

Leg-iron said...

The only suitable advice would be 'Do Not Do This'. A sticker to that effect on any insertable object should be Law. Law, I tell you! The dangers of poking things up one's tradesmen's entrance should be spelled out in full on everything, to protect the cheeeldren. Won't someone theenk of the cheeeldren? Oh, and of course, the cost to the NHS of stitching ripped sphincters day in and day out.

Warnings, with nasty graphic images covering half the packaging and the rest of the packaging in shitty brown, just to get the point across.

Oh, I can't wait for that campaign. Surely it's just a matter of time?

A long time ago I had a reprint of an article from a medical journal, listing the things that had found their ways into the rectums of the 'I'm innocent, it sneaked up there while I was sleeping' crowd.

It also had tales of a surprising number of men who hoover the stairs in the nude and manage to get their danglies stuck up the spout. They must be better endowed than me. I can't compete with a hoover hose!

There are some weird people about. If reality TV covered that sort of thing, I'd watch it. Through tears of laughter.

Anonymous said...

Jaded leapt from behind the street lamp to confront another luckless motorist with her 'gotcha' smirk.

WC Jaded: You were doing 33mph what’s your hurry?
Jim: Just a bit late for work.
WC Jaded: What do you do?
Jim: I’m an anal dilater.
WC Jaded: And just what does an anal dilater do?
Jim: Well, I start by inserting a finger then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four and working from side to side, I slowly but surely stretch until it’s about 5 feet wide.
WC Jaded: What on earth can you do with a 5 foot asshole?
Jim: Give her a radar gun and hide her behind a street lamp.

Rightwinggit said...

And that, is why the cameras on fire-fighters phones are set to silent.

blueknight said...

Please assure me that it was just the plastic roller and not the roller and bracket as shown in the paper.
I ask because back the 80s I happened to see a porno entitled 'The A**l Ladies World record'. I knew it was going to be a shocker because the ladies were all wearing masks.
A toilet roll holder was not involved but if it had been, there would have been no need to remove the roll..

JuliaM said...

"A perfectly reasonable story, I'm sure you'll agree."

Well, yes. It seems to happen so often, after all.

'elf n' safety should get involved... ;)

"one hopes it was just the middle bit "

*winces*

"...some you would not believe !"

I bet I would!

"Surely it would have been simpler to go to a specialist shop (or website for the embarrassed) and buy an object designed for the purpose - that is, designed not to get stuck. Along with some lube, of course..."

You'd think so, wouldn't you?

JuliaM said...

"Warnings, with nasty graphic images covering half the packaging and the rest of the packaging in shitty brown, just to get the point across."

:D

"A toilet roll holder was not involved but if it had been, there would have been no need to remove the roll.."

:0

Lynne at Counting Cats said...

He was trying to remove the gerbil?

patently said...

*falls off chair laughing*

Lynne wins!