An HGV Will Be Along One Day To Pass Sentence...

I plead guilty.

 Oh good...

I have loved and used the streets of London all my life, as a cyclist, driver and pedestrian. Touch wood, I have done so without accident, blemish or insurance claim. Yet now I find myself perpetually on the wrong side of the law. Regulation has become bureaucratic and chaotic.

That's not unusual for a cyclist, is it? But they usually aren't so remorseful and just why do you feel you cannot obey the laws around driving? 

When I try to drive at the authorised speed of 20mph on many through roads, I am hooted at and overtaken by vans, cars, coaches and buses. And when I sit dutifully on my bike at a traffic light, I am jostled by swarms of cyclists riding through on red, furious at being treated as if they were car drivers.

So? As my mum was wont to say 'If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it?' In fact, I bet it's something everyone's mum said, except apparently Simon's.

As for pedestrians, walking on many pavements is like taking a ride on the dodgems. Riders of ebikes and e-scooters ignore bans and expect everyone to move out of the way.

Bans which aren't enfoced might as well not exist, we all know this... 

I normally approve of anarchy. There is too much regulation everywhere. The great Dutch traffic engineer Hans Monderman boldly advocated “shared space” in cities. He wanted kerbs, road markings and traffic signals minimised and replaced by “human discipline”. All road users should navigate urban space by watching out for each other all the time.

In a cohesive and monocultural society such a thing is possible, but we no longer have one of those, do we? 

As a lifelong cyclist I admit to finding a certain exhilaration in riding a bike. I avoid main thoroughfares but like snaking through streets crammed with traffic, finding shortcuts through alleys and mews. But the essence of cycling is to keep moving. Hence I have to admit to sometimes doing what many London cyclists do at red lights. That is, look carefully, follow Monderman and “share” any unoccupied road space ahead by riding on.

And one day, you'll come a cropper. What a loss to journalism that will be! 

Ebikes now come in all shapes and speeds. It is astonishing that the sleek Freesky Alaska, with its 250W engine, can be treated as if it was just another manual pedal bike. To my mind, it is blatantly a motorbike. When a delivery driver on one careers past me in Hyde Park, I wonder if I took a wrong turning. These machines must be put on the roadway where they belong.

Since we can't uninvent them, I suppose that's the next best thing.