Tweet Of The Month

My two favourite commuting Tweeters discuss the existential:

Post Title Of The Month

Tim Newman on women who expect the law to rescue them from poor decisions:

Quote Of The Month

Bill Sticker with some essential style advice for those celebrating sporting fortune (or in the case of the English team, misfortune:

"There are a clear set of do’s and don’t when it comes to vomiting which separate the well brought up from the clueless oik with all the style and grace of a badly soiled toilet brush. These rules apply to both sexes whichever end of the sexual spectrum you embrace, or fail to. Whatever. If you’re drinking that much, which is sometimes called for after a tense penalty shoot out or well performed header portends doom or victory for your team, then some form of self control is called for. A good aim can also be a sure and certain aid for those who wish to fully join in the drunken festivities yet retain a sense of style."

Post Of The Month

Small Thunderdog with a truly horrifying story of just how useless the State can be in safeguarding the vulnerable.

Will We Ever Get To The Bottom Of This?

Police are probing the possibility that a woman who believed to be the victim of an ‘acid attack’ may have “accidentally injured herself.”

Err, how?

The emergency services were called to Northbrook Street, in Ladywood, after reports a rider on a moped or cycle had thrown a corrosive substance into the face of a 47-year-old woman, around 10.30am, on Tuesday.

So who reported it. The victim? Someone else?

A statement released on the Birmingham Police website read: “Police investigating a reported acid attack in which a corrosive substance was said to have been thrown at a woman in Ladywood are keeping an open mind.

“Officers were called at around 10am on Tuesday following reports that the 47-year-old had a substance thrown at her by someone on a passing vehicle in the Northbrook Street area.

“Police are carrying out a number of enquiries, including a CCTV trawl of the area.

“Detectives are also exploring the possibility that the woman has accidentally injured herself.

“The woman has been taken to hospital with serious injuries to her face and remains in a serious condition.”

Note that the police aren't - yet! - 'exploring the possibility' she deliberately injured herself.

Mission Creep

UK charities supporting individuals with autism and mental health conditions have welcomed government plans to introduce blue badge parking permits for those with “hidden disabilities”.

Well, good. There are lots of conditions that do not result in any obvious visual cue that a person is disabled & cannot walk far.

In what marks the largest overhaul of the current system in 40 years, the Department for Transport has confirmed that, from 2019, those with unseen disabilities will now be granted permits enabling them to park closer to their destinations.

Good work!

Transport minister Jesse Norman said: “Blue badges are a lifeline for disabled people, giving them the freedom and confidence to get to work and visit friends independently.

“The changes we have announced today will ensure that this scheme is extended equally to people with hidden disabilities so that they can enjoy the freedoms that many of us take for granted.”

Bravo! Are you going to mention some of these hidden disabilities, so that people can see how much of a change this is going to be?

Having recognised that people with mental health problems often struggle with the same travel issues as the physically disabled, the government has now moved to accommodate individuals with less obvious disabilities.

Wait, hang on. 'Mental health'..? What the hell has that got to do w...

Oh, FFS!

Under the new criteria, those eligible for a parking permit include individuals who cannot make a journey without “a risk of serious harm to their health or safety”, or that of others, and those for whom journeys cause “very considerable psychological distress”, such as people with autism.

I give up, I really do! This is going to be even worse than the 'mums vs wheelchairs' war!

What Hope Do We Have, If This Is How The Police Think?

Det Ch Insp Jerome Kent said: "This was a tragic and upsetting case due to the young age of both the victim and the offenders, who are just children.

"If those boys had chosen not to carry knives that night, I truly believe Jacob would still be alive today."

'Just children', eh?

During the trial, the court heard that Jacob had been involved in a number of fights and got into an argument with the AP gang.

After posting an online challenge, he was stabbed eight times in an alleyway behind his home on 7 December.

Three of the teenagers, who were just 14 at the time, had to change out of their school uniforms before carrying out the "punishment mission".

The court heard they wanted to teach Jacob a lesson because he was a rival to their "county lines" drug operation.

Not children at all. Weapon-carrying drug dealers.

Gray and Stephens were sentenced to serve at least 14 years, Mohamed was sentenced to at least 13 years, and Fisher-Dixon and Mahomud handed 12-year terms.

They'll still be young adults when they come out.

The Curse Of The Homonym Strikes Again!

Good lord! Mind you, if the 'Telegraph' gets its way....

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

Ummm....

*scratches head*

H/T: OldHolborn via Twitter

Sunday Funnies....

I really could have done without knowing about No 5 (and wouldn't it have been more appropriate to make it No 2?)....

McDonalds Believe 'The Customer Is Always Right'...

The customer can also be heard saying 'that's why your a** is behind the f***ing counter' before throwing a French fry across the restaurant. She can also be heard repeatedly shouting 'fight me' across the restaurant.

And boy, does she get her wish!

As the staff member storms toward her, the customer picks up a metal tray and hits her in the head with it, but she barely notices.

Watch the video. It's not really surprising, it'd be like trying to stop a charging rhino with a .243!

Honeypot Attracts Pests, News At Eleven!

Residents claim not enough is being done to combat the problems in York Road, Southend, and their lives are being made a misery.

York Road. I know it. It's an utter tip.

And that's glimpses in daylight. I wouldn't venture down there after dark for all the tea in China.

Tammi Helman, who has lived in the area for eight years, says things are worse than ever and people feel intimidated outside their own homes.

The 47-year-old said: “There are tenants of the house of multiple occupancies and HARP who are making our lives hell. They hang on the grass of Toledo Road and sit on the walls of our homes.

“They are rude, disrespectful and have no consideration - drinking alcohol and smoking drugs, blasting music out to the early hours, shouting and starting fights then littering or urinating in front of everyone. Some neighbours won’t have windows open or sit outside. There used to be a lot of dog walkers and kids playing here but now everyone stays away.

“It is getting ridiculous and something needs to be done now. Residents are afraid to say anything to them.”

HARP again. Isn't it always?

Mark Flewitt, Southend councillor for public protection, praised HARP’s work and insisted security measures were in place and the council was working with police.

Time this councillor was given the bum's rush, for his support of the bums over the rights of ordinary citizens.

Jackie Bliss, HARP Chief Executive, said: “The idea that all street drinkers in the area are people who have been turned away from HARP is simply not true. We have an active security team at the Bradbury Centre, and in the rare instances where a decision is made to deny access due to intoxication, this is done with the safety of other service users, volunteers and staff in mind.”

Not, you'll note, the safety of the poor long-suffering residents of York Road. Still, at least they can comment on the story to refute the...

Oh!

"You Shall Not Pass!"

Trapped train passengers were furious after a train pulled into the wrong platform with no exit but across the train tracks.

The late night c2c line from London Fenchurch Street to Shoebury arrived at platform one of Chalkwell station, where passengers were stuck due to refurbishment work taking place on the footbridge.

The exit on the platform was also locked, leaving passengers feeling they had no choice but to cross the railway line to the other side.

Well, that's an 'Ooops!' moment and no mistake. And even c2c know this isn't something they can brush off.

Following the incident, c2c confirmed it will be investigating to ensure it does not happen again.

The rail provider accepted full responsibility for the error.

Well, it's not like it could really avoid it, is it?

I'll Save You The Time, Love: It Won't Be...

Sexual harassment on the Tube could be tackled with [redacted], the Minister for Women has said.

Go on, guess.

She said: "Having a campaign on the Tube carriages about 'Please don't think this gives you the right to grab someone', that could be very effective because you are all standing up ... pressed together, looking at the advert, you can't avoid it.

"I'd be interested in a targeted campaign if the evidence was that that would be a good way to spend taxpayers' money."

How did we end up with 'Tories' like these?

Angels, They Are, Absolute Angels!

The court heard Pemberton, 57, would frequently visit her son, who had a drink and drug problem, and drink with him in the flat.

That, errr, helps...

Other apartment block residents had complained to the building’s owner, William Grundy, about the defendant’s son. There were arguments between the three of them as a result.

The court heard the defendant had asked Mr Grundy to remove her son from the flat several times.

As a result the defendant’s son was evicted from the apartment.

She got her wish. Was she happy?

Reader, she was not!

Keith Sutton, prosecuting, said CCTV footage showed her inside the building, and shortly after she left the flat was on fire.

He said: “She admitted she deliberately set fire to the flat.

“The defendant set fire to the flat as a result of grievances she had in relation to Mr Grundy," said Mr Sutton.

“She said she would not leave the flat until she saw the flames.

“She said she would not go down for a ‘small apartment in Regent Street’ but for something bigger.”

Lovely! What, if anything, did this paragon do for a living?

Pemberton, who had worked as a state enrolled nurse for 33 years, had set fire to the flat with a candle, the court heard.

Mark Stuart, defending, said his client had been drinking to cope with working 14-hour shifts as a nurse and cope with her son’s issues.

Well, that's a rather unique excuse. At least, for once, the 'I'm a woman, get me out of jail free!' card was declined.

She was given a two-year prison sentence and ordered to pay a surcharge.

A restraining order was so made to not make contact with Mr Grundy and his family for five years.

I wonder if the NHS will take her back when she comes out?

"They sentenced me to twenty years of boredom, for trying to change the system from within..."

A spokesman for Essex County Council, said: “We would advise strongly against anyone putting up their own road signs.

“They should stick to the proper mechanisms to install legal signs where appropriate.”

Typical Essex, what sort of brain-dead moron would...

Oh.

County councillor Kerry Smith led the campaign to try and cut down on lorry traffic along Lee Chapel Lane.

Residents claim it has become a nightmare with lorries using the route in Langdon Hills to attempt to drive to a 725 home development.

Ummm....

Mr Smith, councillor for Basildon Westley Heights, said: “I am putting a sign up at the junction of Victoria Avenue and Staneway, to deter HGV lorries from using Lee Chapel Lane to deliver materials to the homes being built in Dry Street.

“There has been a large amount of HGVs using the road for a long time.

“It is causing the residents an absolute nightmare.

“In order to stop it, I went on Amazon and ordered a sign myself because the road is completely unsuitable for these vehicles.”

Well, at least he's doing something. I suppose.

Is Nothing Sacred?

Clearly, the answer's 'No. Not even classic songs.'...

Ex-Radio 1 DJ Mike Read added: ‘Rock ’n’ roll was founded on young love and you can’t rewrite history.

But you can see why people have started looking at songs and asked, “Should we still be playing that?” ’

Sure. These days, snowflakes are everywhere. And will increase exponentially, if everyone keeps giving in to them.

Ulvaeus said last night that the teacher was made female so she could sing a response without needing a ‘horrible’ key change.

He said: ‘She had to be a woman. Simple as that. And why wouldn’t the vice-chancellor be a woman?’

Because the song was written in the early Seventies?

Might I Suggest 'April 1st'...?

PC Heidi Moxam, Road Casualty Reduction Officer for the south-west force, said: "Our aim is to create a road respect culture in Dorset by highlighting the benefits of being more considerate to each other on the road."

Hmmm, not sure this is really the role of the police, but OK, how exactly will your cash-strapped (because of the terrible Toree cutz, natch!) force do this?

Good drivers who stick to speed limits will be sent congratulatory letters through the post, police have announced.

Any letters sent out will look to praise driving, speed and general behaviour by motorists as part of a “road respect” culture.

...

I...

Wait, what?

Dorset Police said that the full scheme will be launched shortly but did not provide a date.

Well, I know what comes to mind.

H/T: Rolo Tamasi vis Twitter

What Sort Of Things Are 'Far Right'?

Well, let's see.

We've got 'demanding all immigrants leave the UK'.

And, I suppose, 'believing the Jews are behind everything'.

Oh and then there's 'protesting against an ideology that suggests you should be murdered for your sexuality'.

Wait. What?

I...

I can't even...

Chief Superintendent Travis, You Are A Disgrace To The Uniform...

'As a local policing commander in support of our local community I want to make sure the message is really clear that this is a very, very rare occurrence and what we will do is work to make people understand that this is not the way to resolve issues and disputes in communities.'

You've no need to do that. This is England. This is not how people from England resolve issues.

And the fact that you can spew this politically correct garbage with a straight face tells us all we need to know about the future for places like Worcester. And the once-respected role of the police force.

"Oh No, What Terrible News..."

"...another shop closure in the high street."

The imminent closure of Blue Moon Trading will mean another empty property - at least for the time being - in a city centre street already hit by a number of retail closures.

Half a dozen premises were already standing empty in the middle section of Goodramgate yesterday, prior to Blue Moon preparing to shut its doors.

Local councillors and politicians must be tearing their hair out and...

Oh!

...York Central MP Rachael Maskell said yesterday it was ‘with little sorrow’ that she noted the closing of the shop, which she claimed had 'sold dangerous as well as fascist items’.

She said: “A few weeks on from Armed Forces Day, I am pleased that there will no longer be Nazi T-shirts on sale on the streets of York. Fascism has no place in our city or society.”

Wait, seriously?

Well, no. You'd have to be dumb as a sack of hammers to think so. Luckily, you don't get to be a politician these days unless...well, unless that's exactly what you are:

Former City of York Council leader James Alexander is another senior politician who has previously slated the shop.

The Labour councillor voiced his outrage on Twitter in 2012 over clothing it was selling, made to resemble T-shirts sold by rock bands when on world tours, which carried the slogan: “Adolf Hitler’s tour of Europe.’ Underneath it said destinations England and Russia had been “cancelled”, in reference to Hitler’s failed attempts to conquer both countries during the Second World War.

At the time Cllr Alexander branded the store “sick” and a “disgraceful shop’, saying it gave a terrible impression.

Mr Sykes said at the time that if the councillor had had the common sense to read the T-shirt, he would have seen it was not promoting Hitler but ‘making fun of him’.

If he'd had common sense, it'd unlikely he'd have been a councillor, though....

Maybe East Midlands Police Should Train Their Dogs Like They Train Their Horses?

Police have admitted liability for a vicious dog attack that left a Leicester City fan covered in blood outside the King Power Stadium.

Not just any dog. A police dog. One apparently 'spooked by loud noises'.

Well, you wouldn't expect those at a football match, would you?

The fan suffered a 5ins scar to his arm when the animal latched onto it without warning.

It took at least 90 seconds to get the dog off, and the handler was also bitten.

And this isn't the first time.

Notts Police said both the dog and handler have undergone additional training.

People worry about the police having Tasers, but at least they don't leap out of the holster to zap someone of their own free will!

The dad-of-two from south Leicestershire, who asked not to be named, said: “You can’t blame the dog for what happened.

“I would not go through the trauma again for any amount of money – any compensation won’t reflect the impact the incident has had on me.

“The most crucial thing is for no other fans to be bitten by a police dog, not under any circumstances.

“Having said all that, I am pleased policies for deploying police dogs outside the stadium are being changed.”

Actually, there are some instances in which we'd want football fans to be savaged by police Alsatians surely?

When Your 'Country Diary' Is Written By Townies...

Pennant Melangell lies two miles up the narrow road, hazel-hedged, thronged with coveys of now rare grey partridge (Perdix perdix) that hurry nervously in front of you and dart through fences into fields on either side.

If you're thinking 'Those are mighty strange looking partridges...' you'd be right.

This article was amended on 18 July 2018 to remove an incorrect reference to partridges in a caption.

H/T: GethinJones via Twitter

"And Out Of Instagram Came Forth Morons..."

Its green and gold packaging has remained almost unchanged since Lyle's Golden Syrup first launched in 1881.

But some foodies have only just noticed that the lion logo on Britain's oldest brand is much more macabre than it first appears.

*sighs*

Sunday Funnies...

But they aren't all bad things. Are they?

When Your Train Fares Go Up, You'll Have Hayley Peebles To Thank For It..

The coroner stated he will be writing to Network Rail suggesting action be taken to prevent others from dying as Taiyah (Ed: chavname ahoy!) did.

Mrs Peebles said she wants to see railway stations made safer following her daughter's tragic death.

Speaking in tribute to her daughter, Mrs Peebles said: 'She was a law unto herself. She was very bubbly. She loved to be out with her friends. She loved spending time with her sisters and nieces.

'She lived every day of her life like it was the last.'

And when you get pissed - at sixteen! - and fool around on the railway line, it just might be!

While barriers have since been put up at Herne Bay station, Mrs Peebles said this is not enough and she wants stations across the country to be made safer.

She continued: 'I am just flabbergasted at the amount of deaths which have happened on the railway and nothing is done.

'It seems it does not matter how many lives they take; nothing is done.

'They are just another statistic. I am not going to let Taiyah become just another statistic.'

Newsflash, love. She already is.

Just another drunken teenager in the mortuary due to poor parenting, lousy choices and so-called friends who didn't give a monkey's for her safety, probably because they were all drunk too.

'Thousands of people have lost their lives because we still run a live rail; we are one of the only countries that runs a live rail now and other countries have overhead lines.'

And you know what? Frankly, one of the underclass frazzled to a crisp on the live rail is something I'm willing to pay to maintain it that way.

And if you asked most commuters if they were prepared to pay yet more of their hard-earned cash for season tickets so that the railways could all be converted to overhead power, they'd say 'Are you bloody mad, you pierced-lipped old bint? Maybe you should raise your kids to have common sense & not stay out all night on the razzle?'

Trying A Different Tack....

Frustratingly, I had left my blue salbutamol inhaler at home – it was a sunny day and I was travelling light – so had to go home much earlier than I wanted to. In truth, whenever the blowback of a cigarette hits my face, I can expect to wheeze and struggle for the rest of the day. This is the sad reality for many of us asthma sufferers. An attack can be triggered by the slightest stimulus, so we stay wedded to our inhalers because of our condition.

But....you clearly don't 'stay wedded' at all. You didn't forget it, you admit you left it at home!

It is my personal belief that smoking while walking on the street should be regulated, and that there should be designated smoking areas in outdoor public spaces, or at least a push to make smoking a stationary activity when done outside.

It's not dawned on you that it doesn't really matter if the smoker remains stationary, the smoke won't?

It may sound a bit extreme...

You're not kidding! That's just one of the words that sprang to mind...

...and will no doubt make me wildly unpopular – as well as seeming deeply unfun – ...

Those weren't quite the words that sprang to mind either!

...but it feels to me a fair policy befitting a city that prides itself on safety and tolerance for everyone.

Tolerance for everyone except smokers?

Just as we would expect a person to give up their seat on the tube to someone who might need it more, so too should a smoker respect that the person they are walking by might have an invisible respiratory condition.

And so we see the anti-smoking loons switch horses to push the notion that smoking is somehow 'disablist'.

Maybe She Needed A Help Dog With More Bite?

Amelia Stephenson, 15, from Benfleet was at Thorney Bay Beach, Canvey, last Saturday night with friends when the gang attacked her, knocking her unconscious at about 9.30pm.

There were about 10 people in the gang and Amelia was punched at least seven times.

Emergency services went to the scene and Amelia was taken to Southend Hospital.

 Hmm, Thorney Bay. A place I wouldn't go in broad daylight without a squad of Marines.

“Amelia also suffers with Asperger Syndrome and has a help dog.”

Sadly, not a Rottweiler!

“She left hospital at about 3am on Sunday morning. It was a completely unproved attack.”

Errr, I think that should have read 'unprovoked'..

Claire said she feels hurt for her daughter following the attack on the island beach. She said: “Another girl complimented her on what she was wearing and while talking to Amelia the others attacked her.

“Amelia was face down on the ground and they were still hitting her.

“When I got to the beach, there were about three police cars and paramedics.

“She suffers with anxiety and this will make it worse.

“Police acted so quickly and made an arrest the same night.”

Really? Amazing.

Wait, one arrest?

Police have arrested a a 14-year-old boy from Canvey on suspicion of wounding without intent and common assault. He has been released on bail until July 25.

What about the other 9?

Good Job, Magistrates...!

...that ought to do it, right?

Emma Wyborn, mitigating, said the offending could be the result of bereavement.

"He was previously brought up by a grandmother from a very early age. Very sadly, the grandmother passed away last February and it was a very difficult year for Mr Hotchkiss and the rest of the family," said Miss Wyborn.

Presumably they aren't all starting fires?

She said that Hotchkiss has passed English and maths exams at Nottingham College where he is regarded as a "hardworking student."

He lives with his mother and has a support worker.

Miss Wyborn said he would welcome working regularly with one probation officer who knows all the details of his case.

"It would be beneficial to have the consistency of a probation officer. The privatised sector of the probation service, particularly with vulnerable people, often don't have that consistency.

"He needs to build up a rapport," added Miss Wyborn.

Yes, most conmen prefer to work on one target at a time, it's so much easier...

A probation report said that Hotchkiss is a "high risk of re-offending from statistical calculations.

"I am not saying we can reduce the risk. What I am saying is we can manage it," the report added.

Too much to hope he sets fire to a probation officer's house next time..?

He was ordered to pay a total of £170 as prosecution costs and a government surcharge. The court heard that fire crews attended each incident, with the cost calculated at £265 an hour.

Well, he's really paying his debt to society, isn't he?

The Grace And Dignity Of A Liverpudlian Funeral...

A relative contacted the ECHO to complain Merseyside Police had acted too aggressively.

She said: "It was a shambles.

"It was too heavy-handed.

"My daughter, who is 11, was vomiting because she was so scared.

"It was wrong what [police] did - they could at least have waited until the funeral had finished.

"There were wild animal scenes INSIDE the crematorium - everyone was fighting.

"There must have been at least 20 police officers there.

"The trouble even affected another funeral that was taking place after ours."

Ah, Liverpool, don't ever change!

A Merseyside Police spokeswoman added: "It is unfortunate that the man was arrested at a funeral and we acknowledge the upset that this may have caused to those inside.

"Officers were waiting to apprehend him after the service but we believe he may have been alerted to our presence and made an attempt to escape.

"We have a duty to the community to apprehend prolific wanted offenders.

"It should be of comfort that he is off the streets, not a concern."

Well, indeed so! And for any normal people, it would be.

His family admitted his tag had been unlawfully taken off by him.

But the relative added: "He's a 17-year-old kid, he's not a murderer."

Not yet, no.

Who Says The British Don't Know How To Complain..?

Kevin Toomey, mitigating, said: “He wanted to speak to the manager to complain that he had not been allowed to use the toilets.”

“He takes full responsibility - it was absolute madness for a man of his age and his reputation.”

Yes, that's a pretty fair assessment!

“He knows the owner of the club because he has done charitable concerts there and he thought he would be allowed to nip in and use the toilets.

“Through pure frustration and embarrassment, he armed himself with his axe because he thought he may come under attack when he went back.”

Of course he did. I mean, anyone would. Right?

Sentencing him, Judge Samantha Leigh (Ed: Oh...) said: “You went home and returned with an axe. What on earth possessed you to do that, I don’t know.”

We'll add that to the hugely long list of 'Things Judge Samantha Leigh Doesn't Know', shall we?

Darby was sentenced to one year and two months in prison suspended for two years. He was given a three month nighttime curfew, must complete 150 hours of unpaid work and pay £1,200 in costs plus a victim surcharge.

The axe will be destroyed.

Boy, I feel safer now. Don't you, reader?

It's Like The Punchline To That Old Joke...

...isn't it?

Miss Coleman told the judge: "To acknowledge that shows maturity and shows he is accepting what he has done.

"He doesn't want to let this unfortunate situation define him. He wishes to define himself with what he does now rather than what he has done in the past."

If I was an attempted murderer, so would I!

Miss Coleman said the boy has already spent more than seven weeks without visits from his family, because of administrative problems. The detention had prevented him taking some exams which hampered his prospects of taking A-levels.

Wait, he's the victim, somehow?

The judge ordered that the boy's identity should not be revealed to the public because he is under 18. He is to review that decision on Wednesday.

And since we don't know the name, I suppose he must have reviewed it, and decided he was right.

Suddenly, A Modern Tory Learns About Consequences...

When asked about his future on the council, Councillor Coe told the Burton Mail: 'I will continue to the next election but I am not sure whether I will stand again.

'I am still working tirelessly for the community, helping the community, supporting them and dealing with their issues.'

Their issues being they don't think there's enough men manhanding women around the town?

'I have taken so much abuse. I have been threatened in the street so I am limiting my time in the town centre.

'For example I help run a club in the town centre and one day I went back to my car and broken glass had been placed around my tyres.'

You're lucky. Once upon a time, the husband would have come round for a few words...

Refugees Drunken Hooligans Welcome..?

Mohammad Haj Hussein and Ibrahim Hij Hussein were enjoying a night out at Vodka Revolution in West Street, Brighton, in July last year.

But the Syrian brothers got into an “altercation” inside the venue with Ghamari Ghalati, and instead of going home, they lingered outside before launching a “vicious” attack. The two refugees appeared in court where they admitted feeling “ashamed” about their drinking, as it goes against their Islamic faith.

They fled the fighting to come here and.... errr....

Mohammad, 25, fled from Syria in 2012 and endured a 27-hour boat crossing from Libya to the Italian island of Lampedusa. He also lived in a camp in Dunkirk before being reunited with his brother Ibrahim four years ago.

Meanwhile Ibrahim, 37, has lived in the UK since 2009 and is currently studying a PhD, and has the prospect of becoming a medical sales manager in the Middle East.

Appearing at Lewes Crown Court, they were given suspended prison sentences and ordered to complete 100 hours of community service each.

And immediately deported? No?

Why not? Don't we have enough home grown scum?

Going Through The Motions....

A passerby helped the couple and took them to the Last Post pub where they waited for police to arrive.

They were taken to hospital where they were treated for cuts and bruises.

Brenan had to have a CT scan and an x-ray due to the severity of his head and hand injuries but both were luckily only left with severe bruising.”

Phoebe and 20-year-old Brenan claim police are no longer investigating due to a lack of evidence so the couple are urgently appealing for the witnesses to come forward.

“The issue is that police have closed the investigation due to lack of evidence,” she claimed.

“But there were so many people who saw it and helped. I need them to contact police and give them statements.”

Essex Police have said several lines of enquiry were investigated but if anyone has further information, they should get in touch.

I wonder why Deputy Chief Constable Bernie O’Reilly hasn't popped up to 'reassure' people, like he usually does?

"Run Silent, Sarge, Run Silent!"

While the Croydon MPS Twitter account referred to the park as being Melfort Park, more than one person responded on social media to point out it is actually called Thornton Heath Recreation Ground.

This included former Croydon councillor Timothy Godfrey, who tweeted: "Do you mean Thornton Heath Recreation Ground? Does this include closure of the public footpath?"

He also asked if the closure order will be invalid if police have incorrectly named the area.

Mr Godfrey has not received a response on Twitter.

Twitter. It's Kryptonite to our boys in blue, isn't it?

That Moment When A Conspiracy Theory Seems Less Plausible...

...than the reality of navigating the streets of gloriously enriched London.

Those Homonyms Get You Every Time...

...don't they, 'Mail' webmonkeys?

OK, Own Up, Who Took The 'P'..?

Poor 'Croydon Guardian' webmonkey really needs it back....

Sunday Funnies...

Here's a good list of professions to avoid!

So That's Why You Need A Pit Bull Terrier!

At Grimsby Magistrates' Court Lawson pleaded guilty to two counts of being the owner of a dangerously out of control dog on November 29 last year at an address in Ladysmith Road.

Both a police officer, and another man suffered an injury while the dog was out of control, the court heard. Lawson also admitted possessing a dog to which section one of the Dangerous Dogs Act applies - namely a Pit Bull Terrier.

If the police followed a policy of shooting these beasts at the scene, they wouldn't have had the standoff that occurred later.

Following the incident in Ladysmith Road, the dogs were later moved to an address in Chapman Road, Cleethorpes.

After more than a day of tense confrontation between the animals' owners and police, officers and RSPCA entered the flat and two dogs were seized.

Well, it's curtains for them now so...

Wait!

Lawson has had Mitzie returned to her and her grandmother Cath Wilson said her grand daughter was "delighted" with the prospect of eventually having both dogs home. "She adores her dogs. She would sooner speak with them than anyone else," said the grandmother.

Typically, she went crying to the press for 'support'. And idiots supported her.

But why were the police at the property in the first place?

She also admitted producing cannabis at an address for which she received a 12-month conditional discharge.

Ah. 'Support your local drug dealer', is it?

Molon Labe....

A 10ft statue of a bear has been ordered to be removed from a roadside - after a scared woman driver blamed it for causing a crash.

Yes, dear reader, we've been here before.

But locals are fighting the removal - with councillor Peter James saying: 'He has been an iconic gateway of the town for 15 or more years.

'I don't understand why he has to be moved now it's been in situ for years.

'We have pleaded with the Welsh Government to listen to us on road safety, but the Welsh Government seem to get things the wrong way round.

'They've not discussed removing him with the town council or local people. They must know Llanwrtyd is an iconic place but they seem to want to step in our way.'

Of course they do. What, you thought they worked for you, or something?

Another Llanwrtyd resident, who asked not to be named, said the woman crashed because she feared the bear would attack her.

'Apparently she had been on holiday in Canada, or was from Canada so was used to seeing bears in Canada. She can't have been from around here or she would have seen him before as he's been there years.

'The bear has been there a few years and I'm not aware of anybody ever having objected to it before.He has become a bit of a landmark but if that's what the powers that be have decided we don't really have much say in it, but it seems a bit of a palaver because one woman got frightened by it.'

I can see why you asked to be kept anonymous, with that defeatist attitude.

A spokesman for the Welsh Government said its view is the items on the verge are distracting so must be removed.

The spokesman said if the bear wasn't removed by locals they would seize it themselves.

Over to you, people of Llanwrtyd. I think you know what to do. Or do Welshmen yield now?

It Never Stops...

...does it?

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes And Morons....

A danger dog was today sentenced to death after his owner was found guilty after the huge American Akita burst into a garden and savaged a 13-year-old girl while she played on her trampoline.

He had an excuse. Don't they always? And isn't it always pathetic?

...he denied a charge under the Dangerous Dogs Act in relation to the incident – claiming he had a “reasonable belief” his 80-year-old gran was a “fit and proper” person to care for the dog, described as “muscular and powerful”.

He's clearly not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Ralph himself denied that he knew his dog had a “propensity” for aggression.

During his evidence Sheriff Jamie Gilchrist QC asked Ralph: “Where did the dog’s name, Chaos, come from?”

Ralph claimed one of his two children had come up with it, adding: “He was always up to mischief and stuff.”

The sheriff asked: “But you didn’t call him Mischief, you called him Chaos?”

Ralph began to reply “Mischief doesn’t sound very…” before failing to finish his sentence.

The Latest Moral Panic...

At so-called uck parties, also known as line ups, girls as young as 13 are plied with alcohol and drugs and then expected to perform sex acts on multiple men, or possibly face violence.

Some victims think they are attending an ordinary party and have no idea what awaits them. The parties are “happening in London and are one of many ways young people are exploited”, one charity said. Serrina Lobban, who leads Barnardo’s Stop It Before It Starts in Barking and Dagenham, said footage from the events is then often used to “blackmail or shame” girls online.

Hmmm, let me guess, this means you need 'more resources' to stop this?

So, is it a danger to any young girl?

Ms Lobban said some of the teenagers her team work with may have attended these parties, and almost all have seen explicit videos of young people shared on “bait out pages” online. “We have seen children going on ‘bait out’ pages, where the people running them will say they are ‘exposing hos’ in a certain borough,” she said.”

Ooh, I'm getting a sense of the sort of demographic we might be talking about (without actually talking about it, of course!) here...

While uck parties or line-ups are not explicitly linked to London gangs, it is believed that many of young people attending will be a member of or know someone in a gang.

Bingo!

He Can't Be That Much Of A Risk...

Christopher Moxon, originally from Lewes, was reported missing from St Leonards today.

The 40-year-old killed his girlfriend Natalie Scott, who was 21 at the time, in Bognor in 2002. Moxon stabbed her to death and admitted manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility. He was detained indefinitely under section 37 of the Mental Health Act.

Police say Moxon is “considered to be at high risk” because of his health conditions.

...or he wouldn't have been out in the first place?

Special Pleading Is Weak Sauce...

A report has warned that forcing taxi drivers to take additional licensing tests could force ethnic minorities and women out of the trade.

*tries to feign interest* OK, how?

This is because of the extra cost of taking the test and the loss of income while training for it.

Isn't that the same for the chaps?

Because of the higher proportion of women working part-time the test may act as a greater barrier to women entering and remaining in the profession.

Ah. Well, tough.

The report also says that drivers that holding an EU driving licence will find it harder to pass the additional driving test because the requirements involved differ from EU requirements.

Translation: They are more stringent. As you'd expect.

But Helen Chapman, TfL’s interim director of licensing, regulation and charging, said the proposals would be “pivotal” in protecting the public.

Ms Chapman added: “The experiences of passengers and their safety is at the heart of everything we do.”

Good! For once. you're earning your salary. Crack on, and ignore the squealing.

Texts Aren't Handwritten, Unfortunately For You...

....for once, we can all read quite clearly what a doctor has written:

Addis, from Skipton, North Yorks who was unrepresented and visibly shaking during the hearing admitted sending the two texts but denied sending them with the intention of Mr B paying her money.

Really?

'Regarding those text messages, there was no intention of blackmail at all. I had genuine concerns about the accusations made. This was not for personal gain.

'I accept they were malicious allegations but I truly believed I was helping Miss A'.

Hmmm, OK, let's see the texts then:

The first message sent by Addis read: 'I feel duty bound to report to social services an allegation Miss A made to me back in April last year about you and historical abuse - now if she doesn't lie then it must be true and I feel duty bound to inform social services.'

In a further message sent the same day she added: 'Put the money you owe in my account TODAY.. and admit that Miss A is a liar that caused all this trouble or I shall go to my solicitor and social services in the morning. This is in no way blackmail as if you don't admit Miss A is a liar then I have genuine concerns, I am giving you the chance to settle this and clear your name.'

Well, that's cleared that up!

I suppose the only remaining mystery is why this is a case for the Medical Practitioners Tribunal Service, and not the criminal justice system..?

"Some Free Publicity? Gosh, Thanks Awfully!"

Joe Duncombe, who lives in Rochford, was in the final stages of shooting for his film We Wait in the Woods - a feature-length horror movie about friends mourning the loss of someone who had taken their own life.

As part of filming, the crew had used a prop pair of legs made of duct tape which were hanging from a tree in his parents’ back garden - something which angered many members of the community after they were left up over the weekend.

Well, yes.

“I wanted to create awareness and a bit of debate with the project but I was surprised this happened before we had even finished filming.

“The fact people are speaking about mental health and suicide awareness is a good thing.”

There really is no such thing as bad PR, then?

The crew have now finished filming and Joe has entered the post-production phase with the aim of getting it ready for this year’s Horror on Sea film festival.

Ah. Now it's all clear...

I Must Need A New Calendar...

Dwayne Forrester, 21, from Basildon, was found injured in Little Garth, near Pitsea Road, at around 8.45pm on Saturday, July 7. He was taken to hospital but, sadly, died a short time later.

Detective Inspector Stuart Truss, from the Kent and Essex Serious Crime Directorate, said: “We have a number of lines of enquiry and believe this was a targeted and isolated incident with no risk to the wider public. ”

 What? A man has 'sadly' lost his life and you think no-one should worry?

A total of 116 wraps of heroin and 131 of crack cocaine were found by officers from Operation Raptor when they searched Dwayne Forrester’s address at The Gore in Basildon on November 7.

The 19-year-old had been spotted dealing drugs earlier in the day and was arrested on suspicion of being concerned in the supply of drugs.

Ah. That was in 2016.

He pleaded guilty to all of the offences and was sentenced at Basildon Crown Court on December 9.

Forrester was sentenced to three years’ imprisonment at a Young Offenders’ Institution for possession with intent to supply heroin, three years’ imprisonment for possession with intent to supply crack cocaine to run concurrently and 12 months’ imprisonment for possession of criminal property also to run concurrently.

*counts on fingers*

Ummm....

TMI....

...and that's before I read the article! Ewww!

So What Were You Doing For Five Hours...?

A spokesperson from Southend Council said: “Illegal oyster picking often involves exploitation of undocumented workers, with many being subjected to bonded labour – living in substandard accommodation and being paid very little for a highly dangerous job.

“What’s more, illegal harvesting undermines and undercuts the borough’s legitimate shellfish harvesters and any subsequent food poisoning outbreak could severely damage our international reputation for quality.

“We have a duty to protect public health, protect our shellfish industry and protect the reputation of Southend and Essex as a whole.

“We work closely with the police, Food Standards Agency and Home Office to tackle illegal shellfish harvesting. Indeed, so far this year we have already seized two consignments of illegally harvested oysters and given public health advice to groups who appeared to be collecting for non-commercial activity.

“We strongly urge anyone who sees suspicious harvesting activity to report it immediately on 01702 215005 or, if the incident has stopped, raise it on southend.gov.uk/mysouthend so the Council Environmental Health Section still receives the information.”

Stirring stuff! So, it's good to see that the council takes this seriously, and is poised to swoop into act...

Oh.

A large group of up to 17 people harvesting shellfish, including mussels and cockles, were spotted from Eastern Esplanade at around 8am Sunday.

The group were reportedly split into two teams who swept an area over five hours, approximately 200 metres from the beach opposite the Castle pub.

Five hours...?!

Peter Sanders, 73, who witnessed the operation from his home in Eastern Esplanade, said: “They were collecting black sacks full – surely many more than you could possibly need for personal consumption. We have reported similar incidents to the police before, and they have attended, but this time we didn’t get the same response.”

I guess they didn't read their own council's boasts.

Oooh, I Think I Know..!

...is it 'When it's a very expensive agapanthus, 'Echo'..?'

My Favourite Meme....

...made relevant as ever!

Sunday Funnies...

And let's not even mention the impending birth of SkyNet.

Surely There's Another 401 Idiots In Brighton?

Women from Brighton’s Labour Party’s forum have started the campaign to help pupils from low income families who are unable to afford sanitary products.

According to charity Plan International UK, one in ten girls is unable to afford sanitary wear.

Thanks to Tim Worstall, we already know this is nonsense.

Mother-of-two Sam Whittaker, from Brighton, leads the campaign.

She said:“As a society we need to break the taboo that surrounds periods and recognise that sanitary wear is a necessity not a luxury.”

So why don't you lobby for them to be VAT-free? Like the government?

The petition, asking the council to implement a policy to distribute free sanitary products in schools, is published on the council’s website.

It requires 1,250 signatures in order for it to be debated by the council on July 19.

Oh dear. Even in Brighton, you can't get enough support....

Identity Politics Chicken Coming Home To Roost - At The Curtis Green Building

Ms Sandhu, who joined the police in 1989, rose through the ranks to become borough commander in Richmond-upon-Thames.

She is one of the most senior ethnic minority officers in the Met and in 2006 received an Asian Women of Achievement award, largely for her work in reassuring the community in the aftermath of the 7 July terrorist attacks on London's transport system.

Last month she tweeted that she "will be promoted to Ch Supt" in the Metropolitan Police, adding: "I will be the first woman of colour to hold this rank."

And I'm sure she'll do as well as all those other identity politics hires.

Oh!

Temporary Chief Superintendent Parm Sandhu has been served with a "gross misconduct" investigation notice, meaning she could potentially face a serious disciplinary charge.

Hmmm, what's the issue?

BBC News understands the inquiry is focusing on whether Ms Sandhu encouraged colleagues to support her nomination for a Queen's Police Medal (QPM).

Oh dear!

National Police Chief Council guidelines say that "any person can nominate any other person for an honour".

However, as with other honours, people are not expected to nominate themselves and are not meant to contribute to or know about the process.

The internal Met investigation is examining an allegation that Ms Sandhu may have contacted other officers with a summary of information to support her QPM nomination.

Import the Third World, get Third World practices...

H/T: @riobard via Twitter

Those Slow, Slow Wheels Of Justice....

October 2016:

June 2018:

Pity they weren't going as fast as the driver.

A 'Metro' Comment That Intrigues...

The free 'Metro' newspaper has a 'Good Deed Feed', where people can send in thanks to strangers.

And sometimes, it throws up a little gem:

Reader, don't you want to know why a stranger did something like this? I know I do.

Wait, Doesn't Anyone Check These Things?

Mr James-Moore said Shaw had been jailed for four years for a section 18 GBH in 2002 and has 'a plethora of other violent offences' on her criminal record.

Lovely!

Kat Shields, mitigating, said her client had gained a degree at Staffordshire University and was also a voluntary support worker for South Derbyshire Mental Health Association.

Wait, what?

That's not so much 'poacher turned gamekeeper' as 'poacher remaining poacher annd getting even better at it'...!

Judge Bennett jailed Shaw for three years and handed her a three-year extended licence - the equivalent of a six-year prison sentence.

Jailing Shaw, now of Swadlincote, Derbyshire, Judge Jonathan Bennett told her: 'You have worrying previous convictions including a section 18 (GBH offence) for which you were jailed for four years.

'At the time of this offence, you were also on a suspended sentence for threatening to kill a housing manager.

'I have a lot of sympathy for your position and I have heard and read you have had a very difficult life.

'But in the shared accommodation where you lived, you started a fire at the bottom of a stairwell and the other residents will have been petrified by what they saw.

'Setting a fire in a multi-occupancy address while waving a knife around gives me very grave concerns.'

You know what gives me 'grave concerns', judge? It's the fact that someone thought it would be a good idea to put her in this role!

Mid Year Entrant For Virtue Signalling Council Of The Year

Thirty more Syria refugees could be coming to Southend in the next two years at a cost of more than £25,000 a year.

Great! They'll fit in really well with all the beggars and addicts in the high street!

Currently, nine refugees, who arrived in 2016, are housed in the district. However, Southend Council said it is struggling to put the support in place for the refugees as they do not have the funding available.

A solution to be discussed at the next cabinet meeting on Tuesday is to take in an extra 30 refugees, as this would open up more funding availability which can be pooled to support all refugees.

You can't handle 9, so you get more? Is Southend Council like some sort of animal hoarder? Should psychiatrists get involved?

The cost for 30 families would by £255,600 for the first year, and £360,000 in total for the next five years, which would be funded by government.

No. It wouldn't. It'd be funded by the poor bloody taxpayer, as usual.

Council documents also include a projection for taking in 50 more refugees, with projected costs of a total of £426,000 for the first three years.

So it isn't even going to stop at 30? Way to bury the lede, 'Echo'!

Councillor Lesley Salter, cabinet member for healthy communities and wellbeing, said: “None of us could be anything but deeply moved by the awful scenes of Syrian refugees fleeing war from 2014 onwards. It was clear when the programme was announced, and it is still clear now that we need to offer our small but not insignificant support to this humanitarian crisis. It is the right and humane thing to do and I think local people expect us to continue to show leadership and respond accordingly to this.”

Well, let's see what local people have to say about it, shall we?

Oh.

"The dogs were not under control, and the owner disappeared as rapidly as she could..."

How utterly typical:

“We took Suzy straight to the vets. The skin was torn off her chest and she required stitches. The injuries were very nasty, and the vet was so incensed he reported what happened.”

Peter contacted the council and reported the details to the dog warden. He also contacted the police but was told it was not a police matter as the attack did not involve a person.

“It would be nice if some action could be taken, but I don’t know what the council can do now,” he said.

They could - and should - point out to the police that this is indeed covered under sections 2 and 3 of the revised DDA, so maybe they'd like to put the doughnuts down and do the job they're paid for? 

Peter added his vet bills had added up to nearly £1,000, and he and Pat had been forced to cancel a holiday following the attack.

And the chances to getting compensation from the chavette is vanishingly small. Even if she's located.

Peter Haikin, Borough of Poole’s regulatory services manager, said: “We’re very sorry to hear about this incident and can confirm that we have received some outline details of the incident. We understand the attack took place on the afternoon of Thursday, 7th June in Poole Park.

“One dog was attacked by four Staffordshire Bull Terriers. Our Environmental Health service will be investigating further and we are keen to hear from anyone with personal knowledge of the incident who can help identify the parties involved in confidence.

“We can be emailed at environment@poole.gov.uk or telephone on 01202 271700 and request to speak to an Animal Welfare Officer.”

Why are the people of Poole paying you and the police to do the same job?

It's Not Just The Police That Look Younger....

...it's the sex pests!

Multiple women over the course of the past few months have posted on social media about how a boy has approached them near to the Mothercare store.

The stories were all very similar. The boy, usually wearing school uniform, would approach them and ask if they were pregnant. He would then ask them a series of questions about pregnancy symptoms, such as swollen feet, before asking to touch their belly.

Other women also said the boy in question had approached them and been “touching pregnant women’s bottoms”.

Lovely!

Eltham North Police tweeted: “Today we located and identified the schoolboy who was approaching pregnant females in Eltham High Street.

“He has been taken home, parents spoken to regarding the concerns his actions have caused and report passed to social services. Please continue to report any future incidents.”

You clearly think there are going to be some, them?

A 'Difficult Period' For Whom...?

Gemma Graty stole meat from the same Sainsbury’s Local on two separate occasions and a prescription from Victoria Pharmacy, all in Malvern, over a three-week spell.

The mum, 35, who is currently in prison for another offence, was described by her solicitor as “out of control” due to her crack cocaine and heroin addiction at the time of the thefts.

Why is this considered mitigation, and not an aggravating feature?

Defence solicitor Mark Turnbull told magistrates on Thursday, that Graty, on video link, was “committing a lot of offences” during a difficult period.

Difficult for the local shops? Or for her daughter?

Graty, who lived with her 18-month-old daughter and partner in Kipling Close, Malvern, before being sent to prison in May, is due out later this month.

Why is a prolific shoplifter and addict allowed to keep a child?

Chair of the bench Barbra Broadhurst agreed for sentencing to be adjourned for a couple of weeks, while other offences are brought before the court to avoid "drip feeding sentences".

And why does the justice system dance round the issue, rather than come down even harder?

The Fetishisation Of Mental Health

It's a very good question. Isn't it?

Well, this seemingly unrelated story might be a clue:

Jurors heard the suspect has autism and ADHD and has been given a stress toy on the dock to help him during the trial.

Who's the victim, to the State?

Will David De Freitas Now Shut The Hell Up..?

It's been a long, long time coming, but finally:

After careful consideration, the Attorney General Jeremy Wright QC MP has decided not to order an independent inquiry into the prosecution of Eleanor De Freitas.

The request for a new inquiry or review was made by Ms De Freitas’ father David De Freitas. Ms De Freitas was charged with perverting the course of justice by the Crown Prosecution Service in 2014.

The Attorney concluded that there has already been a sufficient review of the case within the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS), including by Alison Saunders, the Director of Public Prosecution. The internal review process carefully considered the points that Mr De Freitas and others have raised, and reasonable conclusions have already been reached.

Sometimes, there are consequences. Not often enough for my liking, though.

H/T: @BarristerBlog via Twitter

What Hope Do We Have...?

...when this is the level of knowledge of the justice system shown by someone picked to take part in it?

It's Astonishing What Disturbs Snowflakes, Isn't It?

Apparently, Twitter doesn't like it when you call a moron a moron.

*shrugs*

Blogger cleardly doesn't mind. See you all back on Twitter in 7 days!

Update: Clearly, in Twitter's eyes, dogs count for more than refugees!

I Don't Normally Do Football Posts...

...but for some reason, I couldn't resist!

Wait, This Is A Bad Thing...?

...I mean, we don't want them breeding, surely?

Sunday Funnies...

A few cautionary tails for you... ;)