Tweet Of The Month

A splendidly topical ditty:

And a particularly impossible-to-overlook observation:

Post Title Of The Month

DumbJon edges closer to a hat-trick with this, on how the Left faced their crushing disappointment that Trump-led annihilation wasn't forthcoming:

Quote Of The Month

A tie this month. First up, David Thompson on the continuing clown show that is wackademia:

"It occurs to me that when these clowns bang on about analysing events through a racial or identitarian lens, as for instance here and here, what they mean is shoehorning people through an identitarian keyhole, then pretending that the subsequent cartoonery and narrow contrivance, with its phantom evils and funhouse-mirror bigotry, is some universal profundity and proof of the speaker’s personal sophistication. The possible results of such “social justice education,” in which group affiliations, however contrived or incidental, are foregrounded and categorised, and their acknowledgement made habitual and a matter of great importance, are not hard to fathom."

And Thomas Paine notes the cowardly character assassination that takes place when a public figure not on the Left dies:

"A society that thinks it’s feminist to rage about rich film stars or TV presenters earning less than male counterparts while deliberately concealing the sexual abuse of young working-class girls in Manchester because racism beats both sexism and class politics in a stupid intersectional game of victimhood Top Trumps is not one whose institutions I have any desire to conserve. The revolutionary overthrow and imprisonment of the leadership of Britain’s police forces and the purging of their indoctrinated officer class is not a conservative objective in Scruton’s terms. Nor is an administrative system where a lying leftist slur on an intellectual Titan like Scruton was enough to get him “cancelled” from a government appointment by an allegedly “Conservative” minister one worth conserving."

Post Of The Month

Bill Sticker skewers the Green scam...

This Day In History....

Well, it's almost here. And whether or not you are sceptical that it's what we asked for, you can't deny that it is here, and we are leaving.

So rejoice! We are, once again, a sovereign nation. Democracy won. Despite everything they threw at it.

I Decline To Engage In This Blame, Love...

Madonna Tempest spoke after a jury ruled yesterday her son had died by misadventure on September 29, 2018, from the combined effects of prescription drugs and the synthetic cannabinoid known as spice.

She said said: “Josh was a happy little boy always full of mischief. He was an all-rounder in sport and excelled in football.

“At the age of nine he was scouted by both Newcastle and Sunderland football teams. Josh had several demons and I constantly asked the GPs at his school for support around his anger issues, but to no avail. I took it upon myself to take him to anger management, which unfortunately did not help. As Josh grew so did his demons.”

No, you're not reading the words of a medieval peasant woman. The kid had mental health issues, he wasn't possessed.

Mr Scholick, who was treated by mental health services for a borderline personality disorder, also suffered from PTSD after a hammer attack to his skull left with brain damage.

I wonder how he came to suffer a hammer attack..?

Miss Tempest said: “He had severe anxiety, depression, paranoid episodes and psychosis which left him a vulnerable adult. He was much-loved by all of his family.

“I believe that all through of his life services have let him down and robbed him of his liberty. He is sorely missed by everyone who knew him.”

I think his own actions 'robbed him of his liberty', actually. And no, this is not another story of 'Tory cuts', despite the headlines:

On admission to HMP Durham in May 2018, Mr Scholick tested positive for opioid cannabinoids and Benzodiazepine.

He was referred to the mental health team, but declined to engage, the jury was told.

QED.

If The Dog Had Been Bigger, It Might Have Made All Our Lives Better...

Magistrates handed Martin, now of The Strand, Ipswich, a ten week prison term suspended for a year.

He must attend an accredited programme and 30 rehabilitation activity requirement days.

Martin was ordered to pay £300 costs, and £50 to the dog handler who suffered back pain during the incident.

We all know who is really paying that, don't we, reader?

Chairman of the bench Don Wicks said: “This is a crossroads for you.

“It is a last chance scenario to change your life for the better.”

Yeah. Like that's going to happen...

"Nothing Matters But My Child!"

Talking about the rules around lunches, she said: "The school's policy has taken away the horrors of lunch time.

"My daughter can't make choices, she's too frightened, and by setting a menu each day they've taken away that fear."

"It might sound trivial to others, but when you're the parent of a child who suffers so much in school, it makes the world of difference knowing the staff there are trying to help.

"These are the things that matter. Unless the children are starving, the choice of food comes second to the education. That's why these criticisms of the school are so unfair."

Says you. But why should you get your own way, and impose your needs and desires on others?

The complaints listed by parents at the school centred around the menu on offer, with just one meal choice a day, always vegetarian or fish-based, combined with a ban on packed lunches to encourage equality.

One mum said her child had resorted to going to McDonald's after school each day, whilst another said she "resented" paying £80 per half term for food their child doesn't eat.

So would I! Choice is a fact of life, so the sooner your daughter learns to cope with it, the better everyone will be.

The Police Didn't Sell Your Daughter Stolen Goods, Did They?

The family of a young woman shot dead outside Bexleyheath police station nearly 17 years ago has expressed "relief" at coming a step closer to finding out exactly how she died.

Hasn't there been a trial?

Yes indeed, reader. There has:

Sabina Rizvi, 25, was killed in the early hours of March 20 2003 outside the police station on Arnsberg Way.

In 2004, Paul Asbury, then aged 22, was convicted of her murder and the police watchdog went on to produce a report in 2011.

So what's left to argue?

Speaking outside court afterwards, family solicitor Anna Moore said: "Sabina was shot outside a police station in 2003.

"A man has been convicted of that crime but there has never been an investigation into the full circumstances of her death, whether there was involvement of anyone else and what happened at the police station.

"My client has been fighting for years, ever since Sabina's death in 2003, for an investigation into her death. They are relieved this is starting.

"There has never been an investigation into how Sabina came to her death. They are looking for answers. They want to know what happened to their loved one and what happened on the night she died.

"There was an indication this case is likely to be heard by a jury, which is what the family are asking for."

What exactly were the circumstances, then?

Sabina loved cars and a friend of hers, Mark, offered her an Audi TT to buy. It was very expensive and I didn't want her to buy it, but she'd fallen in love with it. When she rang me to tell me she'd bought it, it was as if she'd won the world, so I couldn't be annoyed with her.

The following day however, she told me that the owners of the car were threatening her, saying it'd been stolen and that they wanted it back. Sabina immediately phoned the police and went with Mark to the police station to try and sort things out. I spoke to her several times that evening, and she said everything was fine.

Hmmm....

The trial was very anti-climactic for me. You desperately want justice, to find out exactly what happened, but all it did was confirm that Sabina wasn't going to come back. Paul Asbury, one of the murderers, was found guilty but the police don't think he pulled the trigger, those people are still out there. I feel very let down by the police.

Why? Shouldn't you feel let down by her friend Mark? Wasn't he the one who got her into this?

Owning A Dog Is A Responsibility

Speaking to the ECHO, the Bootle mum said: "We had two dogs, one who was over 15 years old but she died at around Christmas.

"I think Missi has been really missing them and wandered off from home.

"I didn't know where she was and missing over night. I was looking all over and couldn't sleep all night."

How does a 'beloved pet' just wander off...?

She added: "The wardens told me there would be a fee of £71 and then it would rise to £110.

"I lost my job at Christmas and I am on benefits, I get paid the 16th of every month.

"I told them about the situation and they just said this was the outstanding price and if I don't pay that it would go up to £110.

"I just think it is a joke you have to pay that much."

How much do you pay in food? In vet bills? In pet insurance?

Michael Sandells, 38, from Southport said he felt like he was being "held at ransom" and "punished because his dog did not have a collar on."

No, you are suffering the consequences of not complying with the requirements of owning a dog.

It's Not One For Sherlock Holmes, Is It?

DCI Simon Harding who led the investigation said: “I am pleased with the unanimous guilty verdict reached in this case.

"Unfortunately, we are still no clearer to knowing why a meeting between the two cousins has ended with Tesfa losing his life at the hands of another family member.”

No, clearly, it's a mystery wrapped in a riddle in a...

Wait!

The court heard how the cousins had once been close, with Tesfa often being willing in the past to help Bailey out, for example by lending him money.

However, this had recently begun to change with Tesfa telling other family members he “had reached the point where he was going to cut [Bailey] off.”

Mystery solved!

It's Pantomime Season After All...

Councillor Kate Lymer, Bromley’s executive member for public protection and enforcement, said the authority would “reflect on the implications of the judgement in the coming days”.

“Nobody is above the law...

All together now: "Oh yes they are!"

In their ruling, judges stated the move to ban encampments could “comprise a potential breach of both the European Convention on Human Rights and the Equality Act”.

*sighs*

It was also ruled that existing legislation and case law “make plain that the Gypsy and Traveller community have an enshrined freedom not to stay in one place but to move from one place to another”.

But they don't have an 'enshrined freedom' to impinge on the lives and resources of others. Or...do they? Are we all now second class citizens?

Preparing Them For Real Life

Paula Bedford’s daughter Belle, 13, was home from Portslade Aldridge Community Academy (PACA) for seven days over two weeks in December.

Ms Bedford said she was shocked when a £60 fixed penalty notice from Brighton and Hove City Council’s enforcement office arrived in the post.

Why?

Ms Bedford said Belle had very good grades and had never missed school for holidays or playing truant, but she was told she would have to provide evidence that she had been sick - such as a doctor’s certificate or prescription - to avoid the fine.

And what's so odd about that? If I'm absent from work, I need proof too.

She said: “It shouldn’t be the same punishment for playing truant or going on holiday as it is for being ill.”

It isn't a 'punishment' at all. If you'd provided the proof, you wouldn't have got the fine. Why didn't you?

“On the days she was ill I reported her sick - and they could have told me then that I’d need proof. I would have insisted she went to the doctor, but I didn’t think it was necessary.”

So she's too sick to go to school, but not sick enough to go to the doctor..?

“It turns out they expect everyone to have read the fine print of the Education Act. I have gone from shock to anger over this.

“I don’t expect most parents realise they need proof to show their child is ill.

“I feel it is a sad situation and abuse of power and human rights to treat people like this as if they have committed a crime.”

Where the hell do human rights come into this?!

Eh...?

Surely some mistake, 'Echo' editors?

Significant Omission...

Whoops!

Sunday Funnies...

There must be some mistake. Jeremy Corbyn doesn't feature in this at all!

Cases Like This Will Eventually Kill The Asylum System

The vulnerable 48-year-old, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was a detainee in Yarl’s Wood immigration removal centre in Bedfordshire when the incident occurred on 30 May 2018.

She has been diagnosed with PTSD and uses an inhaler for her asthma. She has no criminal record and had not been restrained before.

Probably hadn't needed to be, but on this occasion, she clearly did. Because despite running out the clock on her asylum bid (from Nigeria? WTAF?) she didn't want to go:

The woman had been restrained after resisting being put on a charter flight to Nigeria, due to fly from Birmingham airport that evening.

She said she was resisting being taken to the plane because she had spoken to her solicitor and believed the removal was not going ahead.

Clearly, it was.

She was charged with assault and accused of biting three guards and kicking a fourth while being restrained. The woman denies the charges, claiming she was acting in self-defence.

Great! Can I go help drag her onto a plane, and if I cause her any damage in the process, claim I'm acting in self-defence of the long-suffering British taxpayer?

The court heard that the woman was first raped at the age of eight in her home country and was then again at 17. She became pregnant as a result of the second rape and gave birth to a baby who died at six months.

What's that got to do with her appeal to remain here? Nothing, as far as I can see.

James Gwatkin, prosecuting, said the use of force against the woman was “lawful, necessary and reasonable”.

He said: “I accept there was shouting and orders are given in a blunt manner.”

Well, yes.

Davies said: “This is the behaviour of a highly distressed, naked and vulnerable woman.”

None of those states constitute a claim for asylum. None!

The trial judge, Sally Fudge, has reserved her verdict until 11 February.

And if she doesn't rule in the country's favour, we'll see more and more of this. And eventually, the last British taxpayer will say 'Enough! The asylum system is a con and a racket'.

And that can only harm genuine cases....

The Curious Incident Of The WPC In The Machete Attack...

Yes, the jury was somewhat perverse in clearing this savage of attempted murder. But, well, that's juries for you...

Video footage shown to jurors showed Rodwan being aggressive and trying to drive off as the officers spoke to him.

Wait, officers...? Plural?

Why then have we heard only from PC Outten? Why have we only seen footage of PC Outten?

PC Outten and PC Helen Brooks had pulled over Rodwan’s van for being uninsured, and the handyman, from Luton, claimed he got angry because he is “always being stopped” by police.

Hmmm. Aren't we always told how dangerous single-crewing is, by the police union?

But he wasn't alone. So while he was getting his head hacked, what was his colleague doing? She may not have had Taser, but she had an ASP, surely?

Despite still being attacked, PC Outten managed to taser Rodwan before he stumbled and fell to the ground. PC Outten shouted at some bystanders to bring him his radio, which had fallen on the floor close to the van during the struggle.

Why did he need to shout to members of the public? What was PC Helen Brook doing?

If she gave evidence, I can't find it in any newspaper report...

H/T: CJ Nerd via email

No, 'Bad Luck' Is When A Tree Falls On Your Head...

...not the inevitable consequences of drug-taking:

A coroner said Luke Blackhurst vomited in his sleep but did not wake up . She said it was “incredibly bad luck”.

Well, yes. What caused it, food poisoning? A cheese sandwich too late at night?

Analysis from a toxicology report found he had low levels of various drugs in his blood, including morphine and ketamine.

Ah.

Staff at Fred Emery Court had met Luke in the weeks before his death after he and two friends had caused noise disturbances in the housing project, which Luke had attributed to alcohol.

Lovely!

The coroner recorded a conclusion of misadventure, and said Luke’s death was drug-related.

She added: “Losing someone like Luke is something no one who knew him will ever recover from, but I hope there is some comfort in the fact that he was asleep in the last hours of his life.”

Of course, the parents - sorry, parent, dad's not in the picture, it seems - feel that someone's to blame. 

What? No, not him! Not the friends who took drugs with him. Not the dealer who sold him drugs.

Don't be silly...

Mrs Blackhurst believes there was not enough support in place for her son.

She said: “Despite the coroner’s findings, I had concerns for Luke’s safety and level of care.

“There is clearly a need to develop stronger safeguarding processes. I am also really disappointed regarding the lack of understanding regarding Luke’s diagnosis.”

What's to 'understand'? He liked to party. Too much. That's not complicated to understand, is it?

“I would have thought staff would encourage Luke to go to the adult learning difficulty team at the council or that a key worker would have helped him make an appointment with this service, but it was not addressed. Luke needed gentle prompting.”

Well, you're his mother. Why didn't you do it, instead of expecting strangers to do it?

She said: “Professionals I’ve spoken to all say they know what autism is but the question is, do they? Putting pressure on people with autism can make things much worse.”

Isn't 'prompting' putting pressure on people then? Make up your mind!

You Don't Have To Be Dumb To Work Here*....

A prolific burglar who committed more than 100 crimes has avoided jail after apparently turning his life around.

What? Who'd be dumb enough to belie....

Oh. Of course!

And despite the court hearing he should be subject to a minimum three-year term in jail - after also admitting to a separate burglary and an attempted burglary - Judge Samantha Leigh praised the 36-year-old for mending his ways and opted to hand him a three year community order instead.

He won't be burgling her, though, will he?

*Southend Crown Court

Yes, It's A Balance...

...but it'd be nice if a vindictive State didn't have its thumb on the scales, wouldn't it?

A woman carer accused of killing a policeman and a grandmother in an horrific crash, walked free from court today after a jury cleared her of all charges.

And what did she do? Lead police on a 100mph chase? Mount the pavement and mow them down?

Neither. She simply turned right against traffic to enter another road, something hundreds of thousands of motorists do every day. As the jury must have been thinking.

Motorist Agne Jasulaitiene had been on trial for a week, accused of killing TV's Road Wars police hero James 'Dixie' Dixon and her friend, 91-year-old Gladys Goodwin, for whom she was caring.

However, a jury took less than an hour to decide that she was not guilty of the two charges of causing death by careless driving.

One has to wonder why on earth she was charged at all. But the key is in the term ''TV's Road Wars police hero'. Surely he couldn't have been at fault?

The jury heard that on December 5 2017, on her day off, Miss Jasulaitiene was driving Gladys home from a lunch in Slough, Berkshire, as part of a companion service and attempting to turn right from the A4 Bath Road into Blake's Lane, in Wargrave, Berkshire at just 13mph.

Father-to-be Pc Dixon, aged 39 years, was killed instantly when his police motorbike - which may have been travelling at twice the 50mph speed limit - hit the Toyota Aygo, overturning it.

Throughout the trial at Reading Crown Court, mother-of-two Agne Jasulaitiene strenuously denied ever seeing the motorcyclist who was on a training exercise with Thames Valley Police and agents from HMRC on the day of the accident.The jury heard the police officers were practising 'offensive surveillance' and were told by expert Anthony Hopkins that the 'covert' motorcycle had purposefully switched off its automatic lights.

Makes the decision to prosecute her even odder, doesn't it?

Prosecutor Ellie Fargin had argued if PC Dixon "had been driving carelessly", it did not "absolve the responsibility of the defendant". But the jury disagreed.

Perhaps they put themselves in her position, innocently driving along when they suddenly become an unwitting part of a lethal 'training exercise'. And they, or their family member, winds up dead.

I wonder if the judge, in his summing up, was wondering the same?

Judge Paul Dugdale thanked the jury for their service, adding: 'You have come into this room without any idea what case you are going to try. Suddenly a very emotional case was place upon your shoulders to try, that is the big burden.

'These cases never bring any closure to the family. The reality is sometimes in life accidents happen. We cannot have a fully trained police force when we you need it, without training. The two cannot sit side-by-side and inevitably there is a degree of risk.

'An officer was tragically killed along with a member of the public when the police were carrying out there (sic) duties. Nobody should lose sight of that. Sometimes we are so keen to find blame, sometimes accidents just happen, it is best to look at it that way.'

The police and CPS are unrepentant. As we have come to expect.

Following the jury's acquittal of the woman accused of killing Pc Dixon, his Assistant Chief Constable, Tim De Meyer said: 'During the trial we heard more detail about the incident in Wargrave in December 2017. The experts in the trial could not be sure of the exact speed at which Pc Dixon was travelling. Furthermore, we cannot speculate on Pc Dixon's reason for travelling at a particular speed.'

We can. We must.

And we should ensure that never again will the vindictive State agents be allowed to pursue an innocent victim through the courts to try to salve their consciences, or the reputation of their 'advanced drivers'. 

#IBelieveHer Suffers Another Crushing Defeat...

Miss Griffiths said the woman, who cannot be named for legal reasons, had embellished her account to police and lied in her statement.

Teesside Crown Court was told that she denied she had been in a sexual relationship with anyone else at the time the incident was said to have taken place. But she later admitted under cross-examination that she had exchanged WhatsApp messages with a friend that showed otherwise.

And that, harridans, is why demands for phone access need to be made.

Because if not for this, it's possible this innocent man would have been railroaded by a vindictive woman. With the full connivance of the State's agents:

It also emerged that the complainant had admitted in a police interview that she embellished her account of the first time she slept with Mr Sewell.

One has to ask why the CPS pressed ahead. And why they aren't the ones considering action:

Solicitors for the 40-year-old hospital consultant said they were considering taking out a private prosecution against the woman 'for perverting the course of justice'.

But then, we all know why don't we, reader? It's the poisonous legacy of Starmer and Saunders. And until the CPS has been scoured clean of their acolytes, we will see more cases like this one.

Remember When 'Data Protection' Was All The Rage?

Social media firms such as Facebook and Instagram should be forced to hand over data about who their users are and why they use the sites to reduce suicide among children and young people, psychiatrists have said.

I guess if it's 'For the chiiiiillllldreeeennnnn!' we shouldn't worry that our data is being harvested then?

And who is going to use it?

The college, which represents the UK’s 18,000 psychiatrists, wants the government to make social media platforms hand over the data to academics so that they can study what sort of content users are viewing.

Oh.

Well, giving the sort of people that tell you it's perfectly fine for a man to 'identify' as a woman more data can't be a mistake, can it?

The government plans to set up a new online safety regulator and the college says it should be given the power to compel firms to hand over data. It is also calling for the forthcoming 2% “turnover tax” on social media companies’ income to be extended so that it includes their turnover internationally, not from just the UK.

What's that got to do with mental health? It's just a money grab!

Naturally, other State agencies want their piece of flesh too:

NHS England challenged firms to hand over the sort of information that the college is suggesting. Claire Murdoch, its national director for mental health, said that action was needed “to rein in potentially misleading or harmful online content and behaviours”.

They are talking about data, Claire, not what use they'd put it to. You've just blown their cover.

She said: “If these tech giants really want to be a force for good, put a premium on users’ wellbeing and take their responsibilities seriously, then they should do all they can to help researchers better understand how they operate and the risks posed. Until then, they cannot confidently say whether the good outweighs the bad.”

Crucially, nor can you. And I don't think the jury's in yet on whether the good that the NHS does outweighs the bad, hmmm?

The demands have also been backed by Ian Russell, who has become a campaigner against social media harm since his 14-year-old daughter Molly killed herself in November 2017.

Hard cases used to make bad law. Oh. Wait. They still do.

Learned Helplessness

John Edwards and wife May have been living in their flat in Millers Road, Brighton, since 2013.

But their home is covered in black mould which doorman John fears is affecting May’s health as she struggles to fight infections following chemotherapy.

So, why has he run to the paper?

Mr Edwards, 37, said: “I need someone to help my vulnerable family.

“I just need to get my family somewhere safe.

“My wife has breast cancer. I can’t cope anymore and this could kill her. “

Hmmm, seems a bit of a shrinking violet for a doorman's job...

He said in the bedroom condensation water pours down the inside of the windows - which have been painted shut.

And in all the time you've lived there, you've never thought to remove the paint so you can open them?

Adam Kite, manager at agents Sparks and Sons said: “Mr Edwards contacted the council and they contacted us.

“We went round there with environmental health. there was a bit of condensation and we’re happy with the condition of the flat. That was in the summer. I understand these problems get worse in winter.

“Since then we have not heard from him. If he contacts us again we and the landlord are happy to do whatever needs to be done.”

He's too busy giving newspaper interviews, Adam...

"No Reality Please, We're Squeamish!"

The dog walker, 50, who lives near Ashridge, says she entered the wood – which is home to Fallow and Muntjac deer – just after 11am to find the two men with guns ‘covered in blood’.

After becoming concerned, she took some pictures of them, prompting one of them to come over and say he was going to film her.

She told Metro.co.uk: ‘This man had blood all over his hands, up his arms, on his clothing and all on his boots.

‘You have to think of the bigger picture here, a woman on her own walking a dog and he comes over saying he’s going to film me.’

Well, you were taking pictures of him, weren't you, love? So...why shouldn't he?

After the man told her he had been contracted by the National Trust to cull deer, the woman realised a dead deer was behind him.

As she called the Ashridge Estate to complain about the situation, the men allegedly began cutting up the animal in front of her, hacking off its leg.

Heh! How does she think her joint of meat ends up in Waitrose, all nicely wrapped in plastic? Does she think it grows like that?

She said: ‘They’d taken the stomach of the animal out while I was standing there.

‘I looked over his shoulder and the other one started to drag it off – a little black deer. It’s absolutely horrendous, the stuff of nightmares.

‘Ok, they’re culling deer but why are they out in one of the most popular dog-walking parts of Ashridge at lunchtime? It’s just not on.

‘I could have had a child with me. It’s horrendous that they’re allowed to do that.’

In listing this tale of woe, the photo editor's apprentice was obviously instructed to get a picture of a deer from the photobank. You know, for all those other readers who, like this hysteric, weren't aware of reality.

Don't think they were culling American whitetail in Ashridge, chum...

For once, they didn't immediately apologise. They defended their actions:

Mr Fletcher added that safety must come first while culling and deer cullers normally do their best to close parks or work early in the morning avoid public upset.

However, he argues ‘it’s good for people to understand what’s going on’.

He said: ‘In an area with a lot of walking around, it may be difficult to try and find a time where it’s possible to do it without people seeing it. My feeling is people ought to know about it and the more they see of it, the better.’

A little education is good for the soul, no?

Everyone Knows Where It Came From.

EVERYONE!

The woman added: “I have no idea where she came from originally, but she was definitely dumped from a vehicle.

“Her front legs were bound with bailing twine, and the twine extended to a length that showed it had been used to pull her from a field.

“Her mouth and teeth had mud in them so she had been dragged originally from a field.

“She was emancipated (Ed: /facepalm) and had severe wounds to her rear, eyes and ears from predators, so we believe she had been in a very weak state in the field.

“I’m only glad that if this is how her early months were spent she’s been spared that for a lifetime.”

And they also know the RSPCA and Essex Police will do nothing about it....

Not Fit For Purpose, Priti...

...so what are you going to do about it?

Huong Nguyen fell pregnant soon after arriving in the UK on a lorry in October, 2015.

But the Home Office considered her situation to be stable when she first arrived. She was living in a flat in Hackney with the baby's father and it was established that the father was a UK citizen, who was supporting the mother financially at the time.

She did not make any claim for financial support at this time and the Home Office did not believe that she had been or was being exploited in any way. When the circumstances changed and the father left, the Home Office arranged emergency accommodation and longer-term support.

But then the Home Office lost sight of mother and baby.

They wrote to her on December 7, 2016, to advise that they had been unable to make a decision on her asylum claim and would review her case in three months. The review never took place and the Home Office had no contact until it was notified of the baby's death in October 2017.

The Home Office said it was experiencing resource issues at the time as a result of a high turnover of staff and it was struggling with a high number of "non-straightforward cases".

What's 'not straightforward' about this case? She's from Vietnam. The war's over. Send her back.

Huong and Tina were moved to four different homes in Tina's short life, which meant the family could never settle.

They spent three months in Hackney, two months in Croydon and one month in Cardiff, before being placed in permanent accommodation in Ilford.

Huong and Tina were moved to Cardiff when the baby was just one-month-old, a move which was deemed to be temporary but saw them stay in two separate places in the Welsh capital.

Mother and baby were placed in permanent housing in Ilford, but Huong says she was let down by services in Redbridge. Huong said she shared a room with other people but felt very lonely because nobody supported her.

It rather seems to me as if the poor bloody taxpayer has been supporting her, doesn't it? Her, and all the 'charities' and quangos involved in this racket...

The baby and her mother were moved to an eight-bedroom house in Ilford on January 18, 2017, for mothers and their children, run by Clearsprings, a company that provides housing for asylum seekers.

There were four mothers and their children living there, and one of the other asylum seeker mothers was also Vietnamese.

Once she arrived in Ilford, the mother said a health visitor offered her support but due to the language barrier, she was unable to understand the mother and therefore was not in a position to do anything to help her.

I thought councils spent oodles on translation services?

Well, do they? Or don't they?

Time Priti had a word with her Home Office clowns. This needs to stop.

I Fear That's A Bit Of A Tall Order...

Mr Rusius said that since the incidents Mustafa had tried to change his life and move forward.

"It would be a shame if all the good work he has done was undone by him being sent to prison," said Mr Rusius.

What good has he done in his life that could outweigh all this, then?

Mustafa, 43, of St Paul's Road, Nelson, pleaded guilty to affray, possessing an offensive weapon and criminal damage to a Volvo car belonging to Joseph Entwistle in April.

He also pleaded guilty to driving while disqualified and with excess alcohol in February and driving with excess alcohol and failing to stop in May.

He'd better have risked his life to rescue a whole litter or orphaned children, or something...

He was sentenced to 24 weeks in prison suspended for 18 months with requirements to complete the Thinking Skills programme, 20 days of rehabilitation and 150 hours' unpaid work.

He was banned from driving for three years with a requirement that he passes a new test at the conclusion of the ban. He was also ordered to pay £2,000 compensation to Mr Entwistle.

Yes, after three years have passed, I'm sure he'll be fit to drive...

Must Use Really Small Calibre Rifles...

I mean, I know we are being encouraged by the Green fruitcakes to eat insects, but I didn't think we'd have to hunt them....

"Made In China, You Say?"

"How can anyone tell..?"

Sunday Funnies...

We can trust governments to act rationally, can't we?

Selective Efforts...

A serial killer might be on the loose, targeting gay men? *yawns*

Someone we don't like might get to go to a football match? All overtime is cancelled!

Scott Ivill, representing Robinson, told Luton Magistrates' Court it was not possible to tell if the videos had been tampered with.

Oh, surely not!

This Is Horrifying...

The Metropolitan Police officer, who was off duty, said he saw the man pull his shorts down and make the child touch him before her mother called out, allowing her to escape.

Lakhani took a photograph of the alleged offender and handed it to police, the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) said.

Wait, I thought they were never 'off duty' when this sort of thing happened in front of them? And what about a citizen's arrest?

The image was shared by police on social media to identify the man before CCTV footage proved the sexual assault never happened.

It was all a case of a diversity hire showing their true - *ahem* - colours. Over, would you believe, a neighbourly spat with the victim!

CPS senior Crown Prosecutor David Davies said Lakhani made the false report after an argument about his garden hedge trimmings spilling on to the street.

The accused man was a street cleaner, and Lakhani objected to being told his hedge trimmings shouldn't be left in the street. So he set out, coldly and calmly, to ruin the man's life:

The officer was jailed for three years at Kingston Crown Court on Friday after he was found guilty of perverting the course of justice in December following a trial.

He'll no doubt have to spend it in isolation.

"The most worrying aspect of this case was that Lakhani, as a police officer, presented as a credible witness to a serious allegation where there was an identified suspect.

"The implications for this victim could have been profound, but we were able to prove Lakhani's account was entirely fictional and unfounded.

"I hope this prosecution serves as a reminder that nobody is above the law."

Actually, no, it doesn't show that at all. As the 'Standard's' report shows:

Sentencing this morning, Judge Jonathan Davies said Lakhani’s determination to maintain the bogus story had put the street cleaner at risk of being imprisoned.

“This was wicked, prolonged and cruel conduct”, he said. "Had Mr Lakhani's evidence not been covered by CCTV this man would have been arrested and remanded in custody.

"He never did back down and this calls in to question other cases where he has given evidence.”

But at least he was immediately suspended and his career is now over. Right? 

Lakhani, from Southall, has been on restricted duties while awaiting his trial, and now faces a misconduct hearing and possibly the end of his police career.

*speechless*

H/T: BarristerBlog via Twitter

"Broken Windows Theory? Nah. Never Heard Of It..."

According to Met Police data between January 2017 and September this year shopkeepers called police 2,259 times about attempts to steal their wares.

But of these reports, 2,993 or 85 per cent were either closed with no suspect identified, are still under investigation or have not been updated since the original report.

So are the police useless? Why, perish the thought! It's just that they are starved of funds, of course.

A Met Police spokeswoman said: "The Met is under various pressures including financial challenges and increasing demand.

"As a result we are having to take decisions about how we prioritise our resources.

"Under the Met's new General Investigations Policy, she said, "Lower level, higher volume offences such as shoplifting, car crime and criminal damage will have the policy applied to them to decide what level of investigation is appropriate.

"With the pressure on our resources it is not proportionate for our officers to spend a considerable amount of time looking into a low-value theft offence."

But plenty of time and resources to question four year olds about taking pictures of themselves. Or pursue decades-old non-crimes whenever some nutter comes up with them.

According to police data, there have been 665 reported thefts from supermarkets across Barking and Dagenham and 185 from shopping centres. More than 400 incidents were also reported in petrol stations and parking areas.

The worst-hit road in the whole of the borough was East Street in Barking, where 157 shoplifting-related crimes have been reported in less than two years. This was followed by Whalebone Lane South with 49 and Green Lane in Becontree, which police were called to on no fewer than 44 occasions.

And these places will soon become no-go areas. We know this. It's been proven.

Perhaps the shopkeepers and residents might like to consider asking for a rebate on their police precept?

Fool Me Once, Shame On You...

A woman beater spared jail after choking his partner turned up drunk for his 'Building Better Relationships' course.

Yeah, you guessed it: Liverpool.

Liverpool Crown Court heard he had 24 previous convictions for 43 offences during a sentencing hearing on July 12 last year.

But he walked free after defence lawyers said he had already served the equivalent of a nine-month jail sentence on remand.

He was supported by Miss Ellis, who declined to give a victim statement, said she loved him, and sat with his parents in court.

On that occasion, Judge Andrew Menary, QC, gave Devereux "a final chance" to address his alcoholism and underlying issues.

And how did that go? Reader, it went as you'd expect:

However, the court today, January 7, heard he "behaved in an unacceptable manner" at a probation centre just days later on July 18 - when he was warned about his conduct - and again on October 16.

The yob then skipped further probation appointments on November 18 and December 16, over which he failed to give "a reasonable excuse".

Martyn Walsh, prosecuting, said the 150 hours of unpaid work was removed last August, after an application was made by the thug's lawyers, saying he would struggle to complete it.

Removed? Replaced with anything? Or just 'Ah, OK, we'll scrap that'?

Devereux today admitted breaching the suspended sentence, but asked for yet another chance to turn his life around.

*speechless*

Julian Nutter, defending....

SNORK!

....said his client now had an appointment scheduled at Clock View Hospital's mental health clinic in Walton tomorrow.

Well, I expect he has. But he seems to have difficulty actually attending them...

Judge Menary said: "I gave you an opportunity then. Sadly, you haven't taken it."

He activated the suspended sentence and jailed Devereux for 20 months.

Which he won't serve in full, no doubt.

Who Could Have Foreseen This? Pt 487925

Oh, that's right. Everyone.

Norfolk police have put an increase in the number of dangerous dog offences in the county over the past three years down in part in an influx of street dogs from other countries.

Gosh, who'd think that this might be a bad idea? C'mon, Boris, bring the Brexit to stop this madness.

Of the 595 offences recorded over the past three years, less than 10pc of offences ended in a person being charged.

And the excuses for this? Well, it's not going to be police laziness or incompetence, is it?

Insp Hammerton said while every offence committed was investigated, the outcome depended on a number of factors including the nature of the offence, evidence and the victim's wishes.

"Victims may not want to go through with a prosecution for a number of reasons including not wanting to go to court or they don't want to prosecute the owner because they fear the dog will be put to sleep.

"Sometimes the victims are friends of the dog and owner so do not wish to take further action. It could also be that the dog within the family may have injured another family member," she said.

Even more reason it should get the needle, then. Regardless of the victim's wishes.

Red Flags...

We all know by now what that means, don't we?

Neil Jones who lives next door said: “Ollie had been staying with a friend. The two of them were the best of friends. Ollie always seemed like a nice guy.

“He came from a travelling background and had family in Lewes.”

A 16-year-old boy has been arrested on suspicion of murder. A knife was recovered at the scene.

Can't wait for the trial...

Weasel Words...

The driver of the car, PC John Mole, this week told an inquest jury in Liverpool he believed he had activated both its blue lights and siren - but accepted the siren had not in fact been switched on.

The absence of the earsplitting noise wasn't a clue?

The inquest heard there was no information within a police car, other than its sound, to show its siren had been activated.

Probably not something the manufacturer ever considered would be needed. Still, maybe Mole is an aberration and...

His passenger, PC James Jordan, had also believed the siren was on.

Oh.

The 11-strong panel found ‘there was no opportunity for the collision to be avoided’ after hearing that the victim had been more than three times the drink-drive limit.

Yeah, you heard that right. The victim. God forbid anyone suggest it was the idiot driving the car that was at fault.

No fault was found with PC Mole’s driving and he remains on duty and eligible to take the wheel on emergency call-outs.

How reassuring to the public!

However coroner Andre Rebello ((CRCT)) is to write to the National Police Chiefs Council asking for it to consider whether there should be a signal inside police vehicles that confirms a siren has been activated.

Good grief. What calibre of police are they hiring up there?

PC Mole, who previously worked as an Emergency Medical Technician with the London Ambulance Service, wept as he told how he performed an emergency stop and ripped open Mr Carroll’s shirt to perform CPR but ‘I just couldn’t bring myself to do it’.

‘I curled up into a ball and started crying my eyes out,’ he added.

Well, I guess that answers that question. Seems Mole is as dangerous outside the car as in it...

Assistant Chief Constable Rob Carden said the force’s ‘thoughts and sympathies’ were with Mr Carroll’s family and friends. He stressed the officers had ‘acted in line with their training and national guidelines’.

Apart from the curling up into a ball and weeping like a little girl while the man you've killed bleeds out on a cold street, you mean?

‘The safety of the public is always our officers’ primary concern, and it is a tragedy that this collision took place as they were travelling to protect a young child and their mother from any further harm,’ he added.

Except they weren't. They'd received a report that there was a drunken woman with a pram. Is that really so uncommon in Liverpool that a 60mph response is required?

Like Father, Like Son...

'The driver was travelling with frost on his windscreen that had not been adequately cleared; he did not notice Jasjot on a zebra crossing and carried on, colliding with her and causing her fatal injuries. The collision was entirely avoidable if only some time had been taken to prepare the car for the trip ahead.'

Fitzgerald, who stopped at the scene, was handed a ten-month prison sentence and a 23-month driving ban at Kingston Crown Court in January 2019.

So, a foreseeable accident? Could have happened to anyo...

Wait.

University student Fitzgerald, of Brentwood, Essex, had previously pleaded guilty to causing death by careless driving and causing death by driving uninsured.

Hmmm....

Fitzgerald's father, Gary, 54, pleaded guilty to permitting the use of a motor vehicle with no insurance at Camberwell Green Magistrates' Court in May 2018.

He was given eight penalty points on his licence, issued with a £250 fine and ordered to pay a victim surcharge and costs.

What a lovely family. We'd all be safer if the driving ban was for life.

"“Where do these horses come from? Shouldn’t you have to microchip your horse like you do your pet?”"

It's a fair question. But we know the answer, don't we?

The footage - taken from the view point of a car following an illegal pony-and-trap race on Tuesday afternoon - has been viewed more than 100,000 times and shows two horses speeding along a section of A127.

The video ends as one of the horses veers off the road and collides at speed with the central reservation, sending both the rider and horse careering into the air.

Essex Police has also confirmed officers dealt with reports of a car crashing into two stray horses on the A127 near the Wickford turn off at roughly 1.40am yesterday morning.

It's not going to come as a surprise to them, is it?

It is unclear whether the two incidents are linked with Essex Police unable to provide details on the alleged racing or whether they had received any reports of it.

I expect you have so many of these reports you're unable to filter them properly, eh?

Crank Letters...

Chris Packham has criticised ITV for putting profit ahead of 'environmental morals' as he backed calls for an alleged trophy hunter to be axed from Love Island.

Oliver Williams, 23, was pictured smiling by the carcasses of a warthog, water buffalo (Ed: *rolls eyes*) and sable antelope in Africa.

I guess you don't feel as positive and optimistic then..?

Packham has previously railed against ITV for using animals for entertainment and successfully campaigned to ban the eating of live insects on I'm A Celebrity.

'They've never replied to any of my letters,' Packham said of ITV executives.

Heh! I can just imagine the scene: "Tarquin, we've got another one - different shade of green ink, but I recognise the handwriting...""

He added that killing a warthog for conservation is 'nonsensical' as the species does not qualify as threatened, near-threatened or conservation dependent.

Then it's fair game, surely?

Worse Than Useless...

Jamie Villers was on the 51 bus with her brother and his friend - both of whom are special needs - at around 3am on New Year's Day.

During the journey, a man started walking up the stairs and calling them names, telling them to "stop staring."

"I was just confused," Jamie told the News Shopper. "When he came down the stairs to get off he started on my brother and started saying 'Oi who you staring at come and fight me big man' and I was like 'who are you talking to' and then he gestured to my brother.

"That's when I said he is autistic and can’t help it.

"He then proceeded to get off the bus (on Foots Cray High Street near Cray Road) and started shouting at us, saying 'come and fight me, I’m gonna f***ing shank you'."

Sounds like a hate crime to me. Any sign the police are taking it seriously? Who's the suspect?

"My brother's friend was at the back and the man kicked him pretty hard in the back of the leg and started screaming, telling us to fight him and telling us he was gonna 'buss out his shank'," Jamie added.

"Then he got his phone out and put the flash on and started filming it, talking to the camera saying 'I’m gonna fight these seven on one' and then he kicked someone else we were with twice in the back of his legs and carried on shouting and following us toward our house.

She described the attacker as having had a khaki green cap on, brown hair, and wearing black tracksuit trousers.

What's the point of giving a description of clothing, and not race or physical features?

In the comments, we get more detail:

'I didn't think to comment on race'. Yet it's a descriptive feature that may assist in apprehending offenders. 

Well done, 'progressives'. You've built the future you wanted to see. Is it safer?

Bargain!

A homeowner who damaged a 90-year-old tree so badly it had to be felled has been fined over £60,000.

He can clearly afford it. And if they'd told him that would be the cost of felling it he'd no doubt have paid up...

Stephen Lawrence, from Chelmsford, Essex, had made two applications to the council to fell the mature protected cedar, but both were refused by the council.

Despite warnings, he stripped the bark off the lower trunk, according to the council, and holes were drilled into the wood.

Chelmsford City Council said the damage was so extensive it had to be felled - and took him to court.

Does he care about the criminal record? Obviously not!

The defendant was initially fined £90,000, but this was reduced to £60,000 plus costs of £1,004.82 and a victim surcharge of £32, based on his early guilty plea.

A better sentence would have been to confiscate the house, giving him the lowest market valuation.

A Bit Premature, 'Mail'..?

Or maybe the cops are from that Precog Unit we all know they are working on...

They've Done It Again!

They just don't learn, do they..?

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

Sunday Funnies...

The Internet is wonderful and terrible, all at the same time....

So, Basically, They Are At The Same Risk As Anyone Else?

Feeding on from the last post, we have the reaction from the...errr, the food delivery community, I guess:

Alex Marshall, chair of the couriers and logistics branch of the Independent Workers’ Union of Great Britain (IWGB), said the union had noticed a rise in delivery drivers facing abuse when out on the road.

He told The Independent: “More members of the public are treating delivery drivers with utter contempt. The companies they work for treat them awfully.

“If the companies, who are supposed to be the ones looking after them, are treating riders with a lack of respect then it sets an example to so many other people to treat them in exactly the same way.”

Wait, what?

Because someone's low paid, or working in the gig economy, they are seen as fair game by everyone else? Really?

Mr Marshall believes employers could do more to improve the safety of drivers – such as providing onboard cameras and cars rather than bikes – and the police could provide more support.

Why? For that matter, how?

They can't follow every Securicor van, so they are hardly going to follow every Ahmed on a scooter delivering pizza, are they?

“When it comes to keeping them safe, a lot of the time the police are nowhere to be seen,” he added.

I think you'll find that's not a situation limited to UberEats delivery drivers, chum!

And this situation doesn't seem to even be related to the usual mugging-for-a-scooter crimes so prevalent in London:

Detective Chief Inspector Neil John, who is leading the investigation, confirmed the victim’s next of kin have been informed, but that a post-mortem and formal identification have yet to take place. DCI John said: “The investigation is at a very early stage. It would appear at this time that an altercation has taken place between the victim, who was riding a motorcycle, and the driver of another vehicle in the vicinity of Lennox Road and Charteris Road, Finsbury Park.“

He added: “The incident itself appears at this early stage to have been spontaneous and not connected to, or as a result of, anything other than a traffic altercation.”

It's a road rage attack. Could have happened to a plumber, lawyer, CEO, whoever got on the wrong side of another maniac with a knife...

Savages...

A 16 and 17-year-old, who cannot be named for legal reasons, along with 19-year-old Jadan Richards attacked Iderval Da Silva when they saw an opportunity to steal his moped on May 28, 2019.

Today (January 2) the 16-year-old and Richards were found guilty of murder after a trial at the Old Bailey. The 17-year-old was found guilty of manslaughter.

They will be sentenced on February 5.

Utter animals. The only defence against such creatures being a strong societal reaction to such violence.

Sally-Anne Russell, from the CPS, said: “This is a tragic case of a man who died trying to protect his property. However, faced with the youths he was outnumbered.

“Witnesses watched on in horror as the unprovoked attack unfolded. They rushed to Mr Da Silva’s aid after the attackers fled...”

And....that's not what we have, any more. Is it?

Decent people are too scared to tackle thugs because they know the thugs are likely to be armed, and they aren't.

This Isn't Bangladesh...

Manager Shah Hussain admitted that a woman had been hit after a problem with one of the fireworks.

He said: "I think maybe we got the wrong fireworks."

I think maybe you forgot which country you were in...

"It was like a cake box. I don’t know if it was a problem with the manufacturers of the fireworks but it should be firing straight upwards, not towards at the restaurant."

A poor workman always blames his tools...

"Every year we get a few fireworks and we do it outside the restaurant - I wouldn't call it a display."

I bet the council would!

Shah went on to say that they had not charged Jo and her party the £270 their meal and drinks came to, while they had also given her some bottles of wine after what happened to her.

He continued: "I went after her to ask if she was okay but she just started swearing at me."

Yeah, that often happens when someone's almost been maimed by your criminal negligence... 

Well, Why Should They Be Afraid Of Justice?

Given that they so rarely face any?

The errand boy of a gangster who controlled Britain's most-fired gun clapped and cheered when jailed today.

Lee Tierney was described as the "gofer" of James Lunt, the leader of an armed drugs gang known as WAVO 420.

*sighs*

He mouthed "rats" at police officers sitting in court when he entered the dock, then grinned and bounced up and down.

What would make someone so utterly contemptuous of our justice sys...

Oh. Right.

Judge Smith jailed him for 11 years and three months, meaning he will likely be released in four years' time.

/facepalm

A young woman sitting in the public gallery burst into tears, but Tierney rubbed his hands together, beat his chest and clapped.

He shouted "thank you very much" to the judge, then "love you, see you soon" to his family, before yelling: "Yerse!"

One can only hope a rival gang takes him out. There's precious little point in hoping the State will deal with him appropriately.

Who The Hell Elected You For This?

York could become the first city in Britain to ban private cars from driving in the centre.

Council chiefs have backed plans to end all ‘non-essential’ vehicle journeys into the city centre by 2023.

So, how can we remove you from power? Because no-one expects the council to have a say in deciding what's 'essential for the taxpayer'...

Oh, and before all you Green fruitcakes start laughing smugly, they mean you, too:

The ban will apply to both diesel and petrol cars. It is likely to apply to electric and hybrid vehicles too.

Heh! That wiped the smile off your face, eh?

Deputy council leader Andy D’Agorne said: 'A car-free and thriving city centre, which is accessible to those with limited mobility like blue badge holders, is achievable but only through detailed planning and engagement with those most affected by the proposals.’

And if your 'engagement' proves it's not what people want at all, and they'd rather you got on with the job of keeping the streets clean and emptying the bins? What then?

We can trust our newly elected Tory party folk to fight back, though. Can't we?

Critics said the move would make it harder for people to get to hospitals.

Conservative councillor Claire Hiscott said those on low incomes could be affected as ‘if you need to get to the hospital and you have a diesel vehicle you will face a hefty fine if you cross that zone in an emergency’.

*sighs* Modern Tories - keen, it seems, only to out-progressive the progressives...

Guess The Countries!

The US says it has stopped sending explosive-detecting dogs to [redacted] and [redacted] after the deaths of a number of animals due to negligence.

Anyone? Bueller?

Jordan and Egypt have so far made no public comment on the issue.

Why on earth should they be sending expensively-trained and valuable animals to countries that - culturally - despise the species?

The dogs "play a critical role in our CT (counter-terrorism) efforts overseas and in saving American lives," the official said.

The official added that the dogs already sent to Jordan and Egypt would remain there for the time being.

Why? They don't value them, Remove them. Let them find their own solutions to their problems.

Can We Please Remember There Are More Victims Here?

Sabrina Fitzgerald, defending, said her client was remorseful. She said: 'She attended the area because she was with a friend who had a job interview at a hairdressers.

'They set out with positive intentions. Unfortunately she made a very poor decision she first took the phone because she thought she was being filmed.

'She is very sorry, she is ashamed of her actions. This was a month ago and she has had to live with the shame of her actions.

'She is on course for A grades, or grade six as it is called nowadays. There are some issues around peer pressure and poor decision making skills.'

Yeah, you're not kidding!

But every report seems to concentrate on the Katherine Jenkins angle, glossing over the fact that she got involved because she saw them mugging an elderly woman.

District Judge Susan Williams asked the teen whether she would be prepared to make an apology in person to her victim.

Which one, love? There's the first mugging victim, there's Jenkins, and there's the police officer the out of control little savage assaulted while being arrested...

The 15-year-old was handed a six month referral order, meaning she will have to attend sessions with the youth offending team to address her behaviour.

Her mother was also ordered to pay £20 compensation.

Yeah. That'll teach her.

Concluding, District Judge Williams said: 'If you were 18 and not 15 and you committed that offence you would be sent to a young offenders' institution and locked up for several years.

'It is a real shock when you get mugged. It has happened to me and it has happened to this lady. It happens an awful lot in the streets of this city.'

Probably because idiots like you are soft on them! It's not like she hadn't planned a life of crime, after all:

See..? Just a different sort of mugging...

In The Same Way Fred West Backs Open University Courses On Patio Laying...

On Tuesday evening, Mrs Challen took part in a talk about domestic abuse at the Senedd, home of the National Assembly for Wales, in Cardiff with her son David Challen, 32.

Replying to an audience member’s statement that healthy relationship courses should be taught in the classroom, she said: “I agree, I think it should start in schools.

“I don’t know how it could be rolled out, but I think young people need to know what is good behaviour in a relationship and what isn’t.”

I'll help - bashing your husband's head in while he's reading the paper is bad behaviour, getting a divorce or separation is good behaviour.

There. That wasn't so hard, was it?

H/T: moor_facts via Twitter

I'll Help: It's Because It's A Crocodile!

Zoo Director Alex Rubel said the reason for the animal's aggressive behaviour has not been established.

I mean, is it me, or...?

The incident took place last Monday when the female zookeeper entered the animal's enclosure to clean it, according to local media reports.

The keeper tried to remove the male crocodile from the pen when the animal clamped its teeth around her hand and held it for several minutes.

Why on earth would anyone put their hand near a crocodile's jaws? What sort of zoo protocol are they running there?

A female of the same species still lives in Zurich Zoo, Rubel said, but officials have not yet decided whether the zoo will look for a new male.

Which responsible zoo would send you one?

This Is What Degeneracy Looks Like...

Tributes were today left at the scene where an 18-year-old man was killed after a crash between a stolen scrambler bike and a car.

James Malins was riding on the bike, with another 18-year-old man, who were said to be travelling in tandem with a second scrambler, on Booker Avenue in Allerton.

Witnesses said both scramblers didn't have their lights on before it smashed into a VW Tiguan car, carrying two children, aged nine and 11.

Luckily, the innocents in this weren't hurt.

And you'd think the knowledge that their fellow thugs had almost killed innocent parties would temper the usual mawkish display of sentimentality and self-pity at the loss of one of their comrades in petty crime.

But this is Liverpool, after all:

This afternoon, floral tributes built up at the scene, close to the junction with Brodie Avenue, to the teenager who was nicknamed "Fish Head."

Messages had been scrawled on a plastic container on the pavement, which read, "Long live Jay!" and "One in a million!"

How nice.

Others described the 18-year-old as "one wheel Fish," an apparent reference to his style of scrambler bike riding.

'One IQ Point Fish' might have been more accurate...

It Would Have To Be Liverpool, Wouldn't It?

A six-year-old boy's adorable reaction after he unwrapped an iPhone on Christmas Day has warmed the hearts of thousands.

Yeah, I know, a six-year-old with a smartphone. But that wasn't the most astonishing thing.

Far from iit...

Carli Swift, 30, from Anfield , Max's mum, said that he had 'no idea' he was about to receive an iPhone and that his reaction took her completely by surprise.

She told the ECHO : "He had no idea. He was so excited when he unwrapped it. He thought it was aftershave when he opened it."

*blinks*

Wait. What...?

"The thing is he would have been happy with that. He's dead understanding."

I....

I just...


via GIPHY

I'm Not Convinced...

Natalie Howell-Martin and her two-year-old Beagle Collie crossbreed Dolly sustained injuries from a Terrier in Eastville Park at 1.30pm on December 19, as we reported the following day.

It gripped Dolly’s neck in its mouth for at least two minutes, causing it puncture wounds and also injuring Natalie’s hand while she and her wife Laura tried to free her dog.

Another Staffie owner caught bang to rights? No, but wait! The age old 'They started it!' excuse comes out:

The Terrier’s owner Thomas, who did not wish to give his surname, accepts that this happened.

But he also alleges Dolly was the “aggressor” and says his dog, Bear, also suffered injuries in the “fight”.

Hmm, one dog is called 'Dolly', and the other 'Bear'. Still, we can't draw conclusions from that.

Can we draw any from the way the owner dealt with this incident?

Thomas admits he ran away with Bear once the dogs were separated, but denies offering Natalie money to not call police after the incident.

Reader, we can!

Police plan to speak to the parties involved to establish if there are any offences.

Boning up on the new DDA, chaps?

Serendipitous Juxtapositioning...

Nicely played, 'Indy' photo editor, nicely played...

Ummmm, Sabrina...?

EDP's budding Lois Lane springs into action when given a little filler story about a man discovering a Second World War shelter in his garden:

Wait, what..?

/facepalm

H/T: Dave Ward via email.