We’ll Have To Stop Calling It ‘Porridge’…

….and start calling it ‘caviar’:

A prison has been told by inspectors that it is being too hard on its inmates.

Her Majesty's Inspector of Prisons said convicts should be called by their first names, given free condoms and be served evening meals at a later time to stop them feeling hungry in the night.

Is that all…? No after dinner mints and brandy? Shouldn’t they get someone to tuck them in at night as well?

Bullingdon Prison's governor, Phil Taylor, denied that life at the prison was too tough.

He said: 'Sanctions are in place for those prisoners who break rules – I don't think we're too hard on them. I think we have a balanced approach.

'I have seen draconian prisons and very liberal prisons and we're somewhere in the middle.'

Wrong answer, Mr Taylor. You should be listening to the public’s views on ‘prison reform’, not that of the bleeding-heart-riddled pressure groups or government organisations. We, after all, pay your wages, and the wages of your prison officers, to warehouse and reform criminals. Not coddle them with a better standard of living than many of them probably see outside the walls…