Wednesday, 25 May 2011

Calm Down, Calm Down!

Via ‘Angry People In Local Newspapers’, this article, which just encapsulates Liverpool somehow:
A family fled their home in terror after opening a bag of bananas – and finding what appeared to be a deadly spider.
This is, I have to admit, my worst nightmare.
Mum-of-three Mandy was able to grab a picture of the spider from a safe distance before it scurried away in the kitchen.
The first thing she grabbed was...her camera?

Not a glass and bit of cardboard, or even a rolled up newspaper?

I mean, I firmly believe in ‘If you want to live and thrive, let a spider run alive’, but that doesn’t extend to the potentially venomous tropical species…
When experts initially suggested it could be a Wandering Spider – a species which can kill with one bite or trigger spasms – the family was forced out of their Crosby home and into alternative accommodation.
Scousers 0, spider 1…
While other experts now believe the spider could be harmless, the family remain too scared to return home, seven days later.
/facepalm
The family left their College Road North house last Thursday and brave dad Darryl went back on Tuesday night to find it.

He told the ECHO: “We were there for two hours and we didn’t find it. We looked everywhere and in the cupboards.

I’m going up the wall with this...”
Good place to find a spider! Well, if you’ve already looked in the bath, anyway…
Mr Ryan wore protective clothing during his search and used a car wing mirror attached to a fishing rod to try to search every nook and cranny for the spider.
No flamethrower?
He was with Ben Hayden, who runs local pet shop Lounge Room Lizards and Aquatics.

Mr Hayden said: “The only way to say for certain that we have got it is to catch it dead or alive.”
Can Seal Team 6 help? They probably aren’t doing much now…
A Merseyside Police spokesman said: “Our wildlife officer was liaising with the head of the ethnology department at Liverpool Museum to try and identify the species.”
That must have made his day! Thank god for the Wildlife Officer, keeping us safe from rampaging arachnids!
But a spokesperson for Liverpool museum’s ethnology department said it wasn’t possible to be sure of the species of the spider just from the photograph.
Shocker…
The family bought the bananas at Costco, near Waterloo Dock.

The Sefton spokesman added: “As a precaution, Costco arranged for the house to be sprayed using a tropical pesticide and insect monitors have also been set up around the property to try and capture the spider if it is still alive.”
You could always try putting a bounty on its head – this is, after all, Liverpool….

12 comments:

Furor Teutonicus said...

XX You could always try putting a bounty on its head – XX.... a Mars bar up its nose, and a marathon up its arse?
Ahh, sorry, forgot

XX this is, after all, Liverpool….XX

No one would notice the difference.

Bobo said...

“Our wildlife officer was liaising with the head of the ethnology department at Liverpool Museum to try and identify the species.”

from Wikipedia:-
Ethnology (from the Greek ἔθνος, ethnos meaning "people, nation, race") is the branch of anthropology that compares and analyzes the origins, distribution, technology, religion, language, and social structure of the ethnic, racial, and/or national divisions of humanity.[1]

Not spiders,then. Good luck with that,Liverpool City Council Wildlife Officer.

Shinar's Basket Case said...

Bobo mate, you're missing the point! It was about protecting the spider from The Scousers ,a sub human race of Goblins (like 'geordies' ie Orcs but smaller and more rat like) who live in the barren northern wastelands far beyond Watford Gap and hence the need to consult an ethnologist.

Captain Haddock said...

And I bet the Spider is thinking ..

"Of all the places, in all the world, my bloody bunch of bananas has to end up in bloody Liverpool" ..

Blue Eyes said...

"car wing mirror attached to a fishing rod"

Neither of which belonged to him, I expect.

Mjolinir said...

Re "Ethnology" They could have avoided (some) confusion by asking the Etymology Dept - or the Entomology Dept

Either of which would have known the difference between "topical" and "tropical" - that spiders are NOT insects - so might not show up on an 'insect monitor'.

http://www.lyricsmania.com/the_spider_lyrics_flanders_and_swann.html

Captain Haddock said...

"Neither of which belonged to him, I expect" ...

Why are most cars in Liverpool fitted with Rally-type steering wheels ?


So's the "scallies" can still drive 'em, whilst wearing handcuffs ..

Boom tish !

Tattyfalarr said...

As a plastic scouser meself I must say I am very disappointed in the lack of scouser jokes to be found here.
...
I'd have grabbed a glass, a newspaper and a valium. I have done many times before when heroically saving my children from a rampaging Boris.

Rob said...

They sound quite sensible to me. Even the experts cannot identify it. Would you stay in the house?

Shinar's Basket Case said...

" arranged for the house to be sprayed using a tropical pesticide"

There is a toxin effective against Scousers? LINKY?

Chuckles said...

Probably a relative of this one -

http://nourishingobscurity.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/oZh6r.jpg

JuliaM said...

"No one would notice the difference."

Indeed!

"They sound quite sensible to me. Even the experts cannot identify it. Would you stay in the house?"

I'm pretty quick with a rolled-up newspaper, plus there's the added advantage that I wouldn't have thought 'Potentially poisonous spider? Ooooh, must get me camera!'...

"Probably a relative of this one.."

Oh, I love that! :)