Wednesday 18 May 2011

Keep Death Off The Roads…

…and, for that matter, the pavements. Are you listening, Erin Gill?
The £30 fine I received last week for cycling on the pavement was not my finest moment. I almost always stick to the road and other officially sanctioned "carriageways". One, roads are faster and, two, I don't like intimidating pedestrians. I like to think of myself as a considerate cyclist, and am proud of my scrupulous behaviour at zebra crossings.
So, it’s a miscarriage of justice, then?
But last week I faced the choice between approximately 100 metres of pavement cycling or an almost one-mile diversion via a pointless and thoroughly outdated one-way system cooked up in the car-crazy mid-20th century.
Ah. Right.

No, clearly not – you simply couldn’t be arsed to either dismount, or go the long way round, like everyone else.

And now you’ve got a fine. Boo hoo!
I trust pedestrian activists are reading this and punching the air.
By ‘pedestrian activists’, do you mean people who are sick and tired of having to dive out of the way of lycra-clad loons whizzing silently past them? If so, count me in, though I’d much rather be punching something a lot more solid than air…

Of course, she then attempts to justify her actions:
The second, significant reason for pavement cycling is obstructions in the form of irrationally designed road traffic systems that keep us from riding directly toward our destinations.
I think that probably inconveniences the car drivers too; would you be happy if they too mounted the pavement in contravention of the law?
Chief among these are archaic one-way systems. Who knows how many of these beasts from the recent past exist on this island. Far too many. They may mildly annoy motorists, who sometimes despair about petrol and time being eaten up as they are forced to travel miles in lieu of yards. For cyclists, these complex gyratories are physically and mentally tiring – eating up calories, consuming far too much of the day's muscular strength, and conjuring up mental images of hamsters and wheels.
Well, boo hoo again! Hang on, let me break out a suitable musical instrument for this bit:



World’s tiniest violin

There. That’s better. Now, are you honestly whining that it’s just too tiring to pedal around the one-way system?

Well, you daft old bat, buy a car then!
The powers that be need to prioritise making our towns and cities cycle friendly. Remove these relics of car-centric urban transport planning and you'll find that reluctant and infrequent pavement cyclists like me will get back where we belong.
No, actually, I think we’ll just keep fining you in ever-increasing amounts until you finally get the message.

53 comments:

subrosa said...

My local council has spent my money on cycle paths so as council workers can cycle to work. The other week, during the lovely weather, there were 4 bikes in the multi-story. I asked where else they could be parked and told nowhere.

Then again, maybe all Perth & Kinross workers live over 10 miles from their office. Who knows...

Mr Grumpy said...

So if only councils were cyclist friendly there'd be nobody cycling on the pavements.

Has this woman visited Cambridge lately?

Curmudgeon said...

The cyclists want one-way gyratories replaced by two-way roads with traffic light controlled junctions because then they would as usual cheerfully ignore the lights.

WV = "irantera" ;-)

Jackart said...

Mention cyclist and you get "they run red lights... Waaa!".

"buy a car" is probably the most prickish thing I've ever seen on this normally excellent blog".

"Lycra clad loons" (these days it's more likley merino wool) are not the ones who cycle on pavements. Your ignorance and prejudice are clearly on display here.

Fucking hell. Who am I kidding? I'll just get loads of replies like "I was NEARLY knocked off by a cyclist". Nearly. I have been knocked off by a dick-head in a metal angst box more than once.

Towns are designed for the car, which means cycling is an option taken by few. Provide the infrastructure, there will be more cyclists. To everyone's benefit. After all, cyclists aren't competing for your parking space.

Less hostility please. And accept that cycling should form part of urban infrastructure. Oh and red lights should be advisory for cyclists.

Shinar's Basket Case said...

I don't cycle. If The Lord in his unending wisdom had meant for me to wobble around on two wheels then he'd wouldn't have invented the Internal Combustion Engine.

That aside I have never understood the problem with anyone cycling on the pavement. As long as they are considerate (you know, that thing that those fat gits on mobility scooters aren't).

Only a fool with a death wish would cycle on a main road in this country. Especially where I live in Norfolk, the county where indicators are optional extras.

What PISSES ME OFF are those lycra clad wankers time trialing on the Oueens Highway. The road is for TRAVELLing not sport. If I decided to hold some 1/4 mile-ing event on the A14-whatever then there'd be a outcry.

Fucking cyclists don't have MORE rights than the rest of us road users, they have the same.

Jackart said...

"Only a fool with a death wish would cycle on a main road in this country"

Lower death-rate per journey on a bike. Ignorance.

"Fucking cyclists don't have MORE rights than the rest of us road users, they have the same"

Actually we have less. We're not allowed on the Motorway. Ignorance.

Tattyfalarr said...

What a long-winded and pointless way of saying "I do not accept responsibility for my actions."
...
Fair enough...I don't accept responsibility it either. Behave or be penalised...your choice.

Shinar's Basket Case said...

@Jackart

"Lower death-rate per journey on a bike. Ignorance"

I hereby cordially invite you to come cycle along our main road, the one to Norwich, in the great county of Norfolk ('Go Retards!). I suspect that in under a mile your touchy faith in government statistics would be weakened. You'd also realise that the word 'cyclist' means 'target' in the norfolk dialect.

As to the motorway, actually yes you do have the same rights. IF your vehicle can reach the required speed (which is why we now see some tractors even on the motorways). Its all about the speed of the vehicle not what the vehicle is.

Although if you really want to use the motorways then you could just stop being a New Age Tree hugging twonk and buy a car.

Jackart said...

Shinar's basket Case. I've been called a "new age, tree hugging twonk". Amazing.

I cycle because I hate driving, like fresh air and physical exercise, and Women prefer to have sex with men with firm thighs. I have cycled in Norfolk where I found most of the locals to be very pleasant.

If you drive at a cyclist, you're 1) a fucking idiot, 2) morally reprehensible and 3) guilty of dangerous driving, and should be gaoled & banned from driving. Simple.

Or more likely you are all mouth and no trouser. You clearly have a tiny penis and don't get to use it much.

Jackart said...

And I have a car. I just don't commute on it because I hate being stuck in traffic. On a bike, stationary angst-boxes won't kill you and I get there quicker.

Jackart said...

Yes. I ignore red lights. All the time.

I don't however ride on the pavement.

Bite me.

MTG said...

What surprising little love you have for pedal cyclists, JuliaM.

I keep my lifetime passion for cycling low key on UK blogs, Jackart. Here, we are about as welcome sharing the road with petrolheads, as an Irish traveller encampment gatecrashing Clarkson's front lawn barbecue. I have no doubt that it would delight the worst road users to see a crucified cyclist marker, for every every mile of country road.

Ah for the Netherlands, where it is simply a joy to get around on two wheels.

Shinar's Basket Case said...

" Here, we are about as welcome sharing the road with petrolheads,"

You almost as unwelcome as horse riders, or so it seems to me. Constantly surprises me how the famed Brit love of all dumb creatures magically dissipates the moment they get behind the wheel.

And yes I do contend that any horse rider on a main road is also a 'deathwishing fool'.

Despite what Jacktard says (seems to be the sort of cycle-activist who gives cyclists a bad name) most drivers behave badly around cyclists IME.

Hand on heart , how many times does a driver overtake you leaving the old 'one and half car widths'? Can you recall when it last happened?

Shinar's Basket Case said...

Just checked the HC: "give motorcyclists, cyclists and horse riders at least as much room as you would when overtaking a car (see Rules 211-215".

Anonymous said...

Cripes. Bit touchy, these cyclists.

Jackart said...

"Despite what Jacktard says (seems to be the sort of cycle-activist who gives cyclists a bad name) most drivers behave badly around cyclists IME"

Your experience is clearly of cunts like yourself. By thy friends shall ye be known.

I'm not a cycle-activist. I just hate pricks like you.

Mick Turatian said...

Jackart: I think you might offer to lend Shinar's Basket Case your angst-box if you're confident in you diagnosis.

Jackart said...

"Hand on heart , how many times does a driver overtake you leaving the old 'one and half car widths'? Can you recall when it last happened?"

Most of the fucking time, which means you're the ignorant, selfish, arrogant, dangerous prick who doesn't.

You'd better pray I don't catch you up at the fucking lights.

The Twisted Fire Stopper said...

I have a car, but I cycle the 8 miles to work most days, as we can't afford 2 cars. The Mrs needs the car to get to work in the opposite direction to me 3 hours after I set off, and there is no public transport from my village when I set off at 6 in the morning
I can see both sides.
My journey is 5 miles very rural roads, and then the last 3 pure city centre riding.
I see knobbers on bikes and in cars everyday, all you can do is look after yourself, and not put yourself in danger- if that means jumping a red light, or even cycling on the path, then I'll do it.
Oh, and I'm with Jakart on this-Merino wool is much nicer than lycra.

Jiks said...

I ride a bike because it is faster, cheaper and keeps me fit. Not because I think the sky will fall in if I get in car or that the carbon fairy will eat me.

IMO riding on the pavement is not a crime, riding carelessly or dangerous certainly is. There are times when it is the safest thing for all concerned, most often if said cylist is 80 years old and is going about 5 mph...

I don't jump lights myself, in fact go out of my way to behave as much like a car as possible as it's safer that way IMO. However if other responisible adults feel otherwise I've got no problem with that, it is their affair.

Shinar's Basket Case said...

"You'd better pray I don't catch you up at the fucking lights."

Why? You gonna flick your cycle clips at me?

Seriously dude, every post of yours gets more cycle-activist frothy-mouthed-in-impotent-rage and it detracts from your 'arguments' such as they are.

Jackart said...

You're the only one admitting a crime here. Dangerous driving is a crime. You clearly think it's OK to drive agressively against a cyclist. You've admitted as much.

Don't drop the soap in the shower when you're in prison for killing someone.

Shinar's Basket Case said...

"You're the only one admitting a crime here. Dangerous driving is a crime. You clearly think it's OK to drive agressively against a cyclist. You've admitted as much. "

I know my english is bad, my syntax and grammar almost non existent, but your reading comprehension must be pretty dire if you think I've said its OK to drive aggressively against a cyclist (or anyone else)....

I'm guessing that's the reason you failed the driving test and are condemned to life of trying to 'pull birds' with your 12 speed drop handle racing bike?

Hexe said...

Just use a scooter(Micro or Electric), that's legal on pavements, problem solved.

And no, don't ride a cycle on the road in the UK, it really is suicide, people are constantly deliberately setting out to kill you.

It's very safe to share the pavement with pedestrians, provided the cyclist rides carefully, which is not the case wit 'lycra louts'. Although, if those guys jogged, they would just be as dangerous, and if they drove cars they'll still be a menace. It's the attitude, not the method of transport.

A part of the pavements should be designated for cyclist, like they do in many other countries in Europe.

I cycled on pavements all my life without as much as even scaring anyone!

Jackart said...

I own a car too, which I've mentioned in this thread. I just don't commute in it.

Let me guess. You drive either an Audi or a BMW?

Hexe said...

Jackart, methinks you're still not sober from last nights party.

Chill out dude, and stop violently agreeing with the basket case....

;-D

VW: suppless
(Es ist noch Suppe da!)

Shinar's Basket Case said...

"I own a car too, which I've mentioned in this thread. I just don't commute in it."

I know, i was just having a dig, because you seem to have totally misread my posts.

"Let me guess. You drive either an Audi or a BMW" LOL, Bavarian Murder Weapon? No actually I drive a 'granddad' car like the granddad I am, a 20 year old toyota corolla automatic.

Shinar's Basket Case said...

Suppe? Nah Pommes Rotweiss!

Uncle Badger said...

There's a definite odour of ripe neo-puritan self-righteousness around here lately.

Jiks said...

Most of us here I suspect agree on most things, which can get a bit dull.

However, mention someones choice of transport and suddenly its feeding time at the zoo. All that is required is for our host to light the blue touchpaper and retire to a safe distance :)

Jackart said...

I am a cyclist. Hear me roar!

Shinar's Basket Case said...

My exhaust is broken, hear it roAr.

(just for jacktard http://bayimg.com/laiGcaaDc)...note the 'Think Fool on Crotch Rocket With Deathwish' sticker.

Jackart said...

You REALLY wanna give away your registration plate?

Shinar's Basket Case said...

Why not? You think that a bunch of illiterate frothy-mouthed Cycle-twactivists are going to hunt me down?

Anonymous said...

I cycle.

I also have the choice of a 1 mile detor around town, in the busiest road, or 30 seconds down a one way street.

So every morning I cycle on the pavement, down the one way street, (directly opposite the local law court), no one gives a shit because I am no danger to anyone.

And if some offical wants to fine me, well they can take down my numberplate....

Oh, And I jump red lights at crossings, why should I sit there feeling stupid because no one is actually crossing the road, just because you do?





cue jealous impotent rage from motorists.

Rob said...

So why shouldn't motorists also be allowed to jump red lights at crossings "when there is no-one there"?"No-one there" seems to be a loose concept with cyclists charging through a crowd crossing the road.

The author had the opportunity to dismount and push the bike on the pavement for those 100 long yards. She chose not to, and whinges like fuck when she gets fined.

David Gillies said...

I don't have a car, or a bike, so no dog in this fight. I have a litter and a team of eight burly Nicaraguan porters who convey me to my destination. I cast small specie at street urchins as we pass. My porters are a loyal if dimwitted bunch, with about eight children apiece, so my employment of their services at least stops their offspring from getting rickets. I'm thinking about updating to a palanquin. Juggernauts are just far too showy and it's impossible to find a parking space.

Litters, I tell you. It's the only way to travel.

RAB said...

Actually we have less. We're not allowed on the Motorway. Ignorance.

As I understand it, irrespective of speed, pushbikes are not allowed on a Motorway.

Actually you have more freedom Jackart. A small point I know, but cyclist's like you, do not have to pay compulsory Insurance or Road Tax, do you? That's quite a bite out of a budget, especially in these stringent times.

If you get mangled by a car, the car owner pays, irrespective of who's fault it is. If you mangle a pedestrian, they can whistle for their compensation eh?

Anyway my usual tactic when confronted by a cyclist do 30mph down a pavement at me, is to gently nudge them through a plate glass window. Their etiquette improves imeasurably after that.

Anonymous said...

I was on a bus, stopped at a red traffic light. A woman on a bike drew up alongside then mounted the pavement and rode over the junction as a 'pedestrian'. Once clear of the junction she returned to the road. By this time the lights had changed and the bus was forced to follow her up the hill at 2 mph until she ran out of puff when again she took refuge on the pavement.

A week later at the same junction I watched as six cars were stuck at a GREEN light as two cyclist slowly made their way across the junction having clearly ignored the red light.

My council has just provided two counterflow routes for a cyclist (I think there is only one in the village) on a couple of one way streets. We should no more be making special provision for cyclists than we do for horses, ban the lot!

As for the speed of bikes I followed one down a hill at 45 mph and he was getting away from me. I decided not to check his true speed as I didn't feel safe at a higher speed in my stable, power braked vehicle oh, and the speed limit was 30 mph anyway.

Jiks said...

45? Pah! In a road race I was in many years ago our team leader, who shall remain nameless, overtook the police escort going down Edge Hill.

According to the copper HE was going 60 so god knows what speed was going...

blueknight said...

Boils down to the fact that a lot of cyclists just don't have a clue.
I ride a bike for leisure, but I mainly drive. But not today. Car in the garage so I had to walk to the railway station.
I had only walked 100 yds down a narrow pavement when a cyclist rode up behind me on the pavement and squeezed past.....

Anonymous said...

Even the unfit can maintain 45mph in Holland - with a modern bike and a good stern wind. That works out at about 90 miles per mars or 0.4p/mile.

What's that, RAB? It costs you twenty litres of premium and you would still snaffle a mars and two pasties on the journey? Now I see why you dislike cyclists!

Magnus Forthright said...

Jackart needs to control himself: all this lycra-clad aggression is really bad for the heart.
..metal angst box...Towns are designed for the car, which means cycling is an option taken by few...
Yes, well, that's the majority of us taken down a peg or two, sitting slumped in our foetid angst boxes when we could be developing firm thighs with which to wow that minority of chicks who get turned on by mud-spattered lycra-clad narcissists...
Listen buddy, bikes are fine when you have the time and don't mind getting wet/cold/covered in shit and not being able to carry much at all; but this country does its business by motor vehicle, OK?
Whether I need to go 300 miles on business with lots of kit, or nip into the market town three miles away for some emergency groceries, the car is essential - and I resent being held up in either circumstance by the Provisional Wing of the Cyclists' Aggravation Front, whether the buggers are cycling on the pavement, riding two abreast on a country road and not caring a toss who's behind them, or swearing at me as they zoom past at the lights while scratching my car in a fit of pique at some imagined piece of motoring arrogance...
I have a bike, and even ride it occasionally. But I'm not stupid or pretentious enough to imagine it's serious transport.

English Viking said...

I've got two cars, a van, a bike and an opinion.

Cyclopathic nob-ends like Jacktard should be punched in the face as often as possible. You want to hope you don't catch up with me at the lights.

JuliaM said...

Wow, 44 comments so far, is this a record? ;)

""Lycra clad loons" (these days it's more likley merino wool) are not the ones who cycle on pavements."

I just liked the alliteration...

"Provide the infrastructure, there will be more cyclists. To everyone's benefit."

Increase a population that already contains a large percentage of idiots (as does the car driving subsection, and pedestrian subsection, I'll agree) and how is that to be to my benefit?

And will they be directly financing this infrastructure themselves or will EVERYONE be expected to for k out?

"What a long-winded and pointless way of saying "I do not accept responsibility for my actions.""

Spot on!

"Yes. I ignore red lights. All the time."

That's fine, so long as, when the luck you evidently rely on runs out, you don't complain. Will you?

JuliaM said...

""What surprising little love you have for pedal cyclists, JuliaM.

Not all of them, just the stupid ones who believe they have a right to ignore the traffic rules that are there for everyone's safety, or the sort who advance legislation that would excuse them of all blame in event of a collision and place it on the driver.

We've already seen where this sort of legislated unfairness has got us in the multi-culti nightmare, so why would we include it in anothjer sphere?

"I see knobbers on bikes and in cars everyday, all you can do is look after yourself, and not put yourself in danger- if that means jumping a red light, or even cycling on the path, then I'll do it."

I'm really struggling to see how jumping a red light could be said to be avoiding danger. And cycling on the pavement merely transfers the danger to someone else...

"A part of the pavements should be designated for cyclist, like they do in many other countries in Europe."

We have (had, since the 'improvements') these in Southend. Actually didn't help, because people assume the cyclists will only be on them, and of course, there's always one who isn't.

Or two. Or many.

"There's a definite odour of ripe neo-puritan self-righteousness around here lately."

*sniffs*

Oh, god, is it me...? ;)

JuliaM said...

"Most of us here I suspect agree on most things, which can get a bit dull.

However, mention someones choice of transport and suddenly its feeding time at the zoo."


Some touchy subjects you can predict - religion, taxes, abortion. And some you can't! :)

"Litters, I tell you. It's the only way to travel."

Capital idea! Gotta do something with all those unemployed media studies graduates....

"...this country does its business by motor vehicle, OK?"

That's something all the ecoloons seem to forget.

Anonymous said...

You're not allowed to pad your own comments out Julia! ;)

Just one point re: "do you mean people who are sick and tired of having to dive out of the way of lycra-clad loons whizzing silently past them?"

Please please please, for the love of God, STOP DIVING OUT OF THE WAY.

A cyclist will not simply ride into someone. This is bad for all concerned.

However, by jumping unpredictably one way or the other, instead of a near-zero liklihood of collision you instantly increase the odds to ~50% of a collision.

This is just the same principle that one ought to drive by, namely be predictable!

monoi said...

I think it is not your best post.

I cannot help but find that as long as it fits your prejudices, we are drowning in petty regulations and work to rule officialdom with no leeway.

As soon as it involves cyclists it seems, it is the old "I believe in xx, but..".

Riding a bike does not mean that one should not care about road rules, but there are plenty of occasions when strict adherence is just not necessary. The big difference with a car is that the cyclist will come off worse, and that is a great incentive to watch out.

I ride a bicyle when it is not raining (or too cold) and a motorbike otherwise to commute. I save money, and it is useful exercise (I have to go to work).

Put simply, the biggest dangers are: pedestrians thinking the road is an extension of the pavement who cross without looking and idiots in cars who open their doors, again without looking.

There are plenty of idiots about, that is nothing new, but what is really needed is to get people to behave in the way they would like themselves to be treated.

Reading some comments on here, there is a long way to go.

Curmudgeon said...

"Riding a bike does not mean that one should not care about road rules, but there are plenty of occasions when strict adherence is just not necessary."

Fine, but the same applies to cars too. Yet the cycling lobby is constantly bleating about stricter enforcement of traffic laws applying to motor traffic. They can't have their cake and eat it.

Oh sorry, of course they can, they're cyclists...

JuliaM said...

"Please please please, for the love of God, STOP DIVING OUT OF THE WAY.

A cyclist will not simply ride into someone."


I don't feel like taking that chance! :)

"I cannot help but find that as long as it fits your prejudices, we are drowning in petty regulations and work to rule officialdom with no leeway.

As soon as it involves cyclists it seems..."


I'm not asking to have more regulations imposed on them! Hell, I don't even agree with the woman on Jeremy Vine yesterday who wanted to make helmets compulsory; if they want to risk brain injury, go ahead, makes no difference to me.

I just expect them to obey the rules of the road like everyone else, as Curmudgeon points out. Is that so hard?

There's been plenty of occasions, stuck in traffic in the Predatormobile, when I've thought 'Hmmm, if I just rode a short distance up on the pavement, I could be free of this'.

If I had, and got fined, would you expect to see me in CiF bleating about 'unfairness'?

Anonymous said...

An umbrella or walking stick in the front wheel sorts this problem out but it must be accompanied with a loud "so sorry" once they've hit the floor.

I ride bikes and motor bikes as well as drive - follow the rules and everybody is happy.
Too much to ask from some.

The King of Wrong said...

Ah, yes, sanctimonious cyclists. Don't you know they're doing the world a favour?

I mean, it may look like they're intimidating pedestrians, holding up traffic, demanding as much space as a car ("in accordance with the Cyclecraft guidelines"), and whining about - when not actively ignoring - road signs and traffic lights, but they're really saving us all.

Without the extra CO2 emissions from their exercise, we'd have global cooling.