Lee Friend-Huggett, 33, of London Road, Croydon, appeared at Croydon Magistrates' Court on Monday, charged with the theft of a vibrator from Ann Summers, in the town centre.Err...
The prosecution said: "Mr Friend-Huggett went to Ann Summers with his girlfriend when he proceeded to the vibrator section of the store. He then put a vibrator up his jumper and left the shop with no intention to pay for it.
"He was arrested and told police he wasn't at Ann Summers at the time and was, instead, at a drug rehabilitation programme.
"He then insisted that it was not him that was in the shop, but his twin brother."What a complete dildo!
But wait! He wasn't finished:
Friend-Huggett, however, pleaded guilty to the offence on Monday.
His defence explained: "The reason he committed this offence is because he and his girlfriend were not receiving their benefits at the time and they have no money.
"His girlfriend is nine weeks pregnant and this crime was not drug-motivated."I think we'll draw a discreet veil over it there...