”Stop Engines! Reverse course! Reverse..!”

A three-year Government study into classroom behaviour will call for greater use of parenting contracts for mothers and fathers failing to keep children in line and £50 penalties for those condoning truancy.

Which will no doubt either go unpaid, or, for those on benefits, be paid by the taxpayer…

More schools will also be encouraged to use traditional methods such as detentions, suspensions, isolation rooms and lunchtime curfews to punish badly behaved pupils. They will be told to order pupils to remove caps and confiscate mobile phones.

You mean, all those old traditional methods that the progressives and their helpers in the teaching unions have spent decades undermining, campaigning against, sidelining and ridiculing?

Don’t you think it’s a bit late to now expect the teachers you’ve put through training academies, learning the best way to boost self-esteem in little Kylie and Jason and encourage creative use of spray paint and matches to express themselves, to act like a paramilitary bouncer instead?

Guidance also calls on schools to punish rowdy behaviour, bullying and fighting outside the school gates, including incidents on public transport, to stop poor behaviour spilling onto the streets.

So, as well as suddenly becoming Robocop in the classroom, they are going to be expected to become Judge Dredd on the streets and buses too…?

And how many, seeing a crowd of their pupils smashing up a bus shelter or abusing a child from another school, are going to flash on the reports of headmaster Philip Lawrence’s murder, and wonder if in their midst lurks another Learco Chindamo? And so walk quietly on by.

If they did, could anyone blame them?

Jules Donaldson, from the NASUWT teachers' union, claimed some headteachers were fuelling the problem by handing out prizes if children promise to behave instead of setting proper boundaries.

Really..? A reward for doing what they were supposed to do in the first place?

Can’t think where they got that idea, myself….

More than six-in-10 teachers said they were unaware of their rights to discipline pupils, including the freedom to impose detentions, search children, confiscate mobile phones and punish bad behaviour occurring outside school.

Perhaps that’s because, for so long, it’s been drilled into them that they have no such rights?

That children’s ‘human rights’ are paramount, even to the extent that nursery staff are unable to do more than follow a toddler at a distance as it leaves the premises and walks home?

You’ve broken the system, Righteous, perhaps irreparably. Resolving these problems is going to take far, far more than a three year report and the promise of legislation and more legislation, to be carried out by the people you’ve spent decades training to be the antithesis of what you now find you actually need, after all.