Amorous peacocks are escaping from Holland Park to hunt for a mate.
Today residents were warned not to approach them and drivers were urged to be vigilant.Wha..?
They’re just birds! Yes, I wouldn’t like to drive round a corner and find one in the road, but we aren’t talking about cassowarys here…
Oh, wait. Maybe we are?
Pc Angus Angus (Ed: whut?), of Kensington and Chelsea parks police, said: "Peacocks are highly strung and have no road sense. You can't herd or chase them as they get frantic. You can't pick them up because they have huge talons and the wings can cause injury."‘Huge talons’?
My god, look at those...wait, that's not a peacock.
Ah, that's better.
"We get them back by leaving a peanut trail."How do you get back your missing PCSOs, PC Angus? Leave a trail of doughnuts?