Friday, 8 November 2013

It Can’t Be That Serious, Or That Aggravating…

Jason Small, of Oxford Avenue, Bournemouth, called the emergency services on the night of June 29 after attempting to set fire to his flat in a suicide bid.
When firefighters forced their way into the property, the 43-year- old, who pleaded guilty to arson being reckless as to whether life was endangered and affray, came towards them holding a black object they believed could be a firearm.
He had set fire to a pile of toilet paper near his front door, adding aerosol cans and accelerants to create a "small bomb".
Armed police were then called, but as they entered the property, Small attacked them with an 18-centimetre meat cleaver and a 25-centimetre carving knife.
A potential Darwin Award candidate, there. Sadly for us all, the police didn't put him out of our misery:
While one officer fired a baton round into Small's chest, another picked up a hose dropped by firemen and attempted to battle the flames.
But the defendant continued to struggle, shouting: "What's it going to take for you to shoot me?"
He was tasered twice before police were able to arrest him.
Of course, alcohol was blamed:
Brian Sharman, defending, said: "It is drink that triggers the depression that triggers the suicide bids or cries for help and in the end, it went off with one hell of a bang - a bit more loudly then he had anticipated."
Hmmm…
Judge Peter Johnson said: "The danger you created is heightened by the fact you then attacked the officers with two knives, which is an extremely serious aggravating feature."
Then…why’d he only get four years, which we all know he won’t even serve?

4 comments:

The Blocked Dwarf said...

Joolz, may I submit this as todays's Mona-from the same quality paper:

http://www.bournemouthecho.co.uk/news/10793931.Police_hunting_four_men_who_assaulted_two_girls_in_Bournemouth/?ref=mr


" Two of the men believed to be involved are described as being aged 18 and 19, both tall and wearing black clothing. One had a dark complexion and the other was white.

A third man is described as white, aged around 16 with brown hair and wearing a green T-shirt.

A fourth man is described as having brown hair, aged around 20 and was wearing a blue T-shirt and dark blue jeans. "

Dark complexion?!? Wht not some 'dusky Prince of Arabia' , a 'Swarthy Sheikh', an olive skinned Son of The Sands?

Bucko The Moose said...

The cops and firemen should have had a brew and returned 20 minutes later. A blackened stump is often easier to deal with than an alcohol fueled moron with suicidal tendancies.

Anonymous said...

Honestly, you shoot them they moan, you don't shoot 'em they moan. Damned if you do etc.

JuliaM said...

"Dark complexion?!? Wht not some 'dusky Prince of Arabia' , a 'Swarthy Sheikh', an olive skinned Son of The Sands?"

Maybe, with today's obsession with tanning having spread to some chaps now, they can't be sure?

"The cops and firemen should have had a brew and returned 20 minutes later."

Heh! Indeed...

"Honestly, you shoot them they moan, you don't shoot 'em they moan. Damned if you do etc."

Might as well shoot 'em then! ;)