Monday, 17 March 2014

A Good News Story At Last!

A widow in her 80s today told of her shock after a burglar fleeing her back garden apparently broke his neck and died after being trapped under a fence.
The man, aged 34, was said by neighbours to have been “guillotined” as he crawled under a garden fence. A heavy wooden panel crashed down, snapping his neck and trapping him.
Gotta admit, I laughed…
Homeowner Ilonka Simon, 89, told the Standard she had disturbed the man after spotting him in the garden. She said: “I looked out the back window and there was this youngster standing there. I shouted ‘Oi! What are you doing?’
“He looked startled and tried to jump back over the fence, but he couldn’t make it.”
*chuckles*

The ‘Standard’ didn’t name him, but the ‘Mail’ went a bit further:
Local villain Stephen Pope, 34…
No doubt the grieving relatives will be complaining about that!

H/T: Ron Hughes via email

12 comments:

Fidel Cuntstruck said...

Oh how very sad ;0)

No doubt he was a "loveable rogue" and a "valued Son/Brother/Uncle" ...

But 'ees wiv the angles nah

Rightwinggit said...

Bottle open.....

Anonymous said...

"...cant belive your gone..."

a sad but fittin epitaff.

Anonymous said...

Great news but I just await the story where the 'victim's I.e. The deceased's family make a claim for a poorly maintained fence!

Dioclese said...

I expect she'll be prosecuted...

Mr. Morden said...

I bet she gave him a few kicks while he was laying there ? If not, she missed an opportunity of a lifetime.

Pete said...

13 other fences to be taken into consideration!

Twenty_Rothmans said...

@Pete - very good indeed.

He'd been a busy lad:

Two people are to appear in court today charged with fuel thefts worth hundreds of pounds across Essex.

Stephen Pope, 34, of Lucas Court in Waltham Abbey, is charged with three counts of making off without paying for fuel totalling £350 in Buckhurst Hill, Epping and Thurrock.


That was in January, so whoever sentenced him deserves a pat on the back for once, allowing Mrs Simon's Fence of Doom to deal out justice to this Labour posterboy.

James Higham said...

That's not strictly a guillotining.

Ancient + Tattered Airman said...

Oh frabjous joy unconfined! More like this please!

Anonymous said...

Just a couple of questions:
1.Where can I buy fence panels like that?
2.Which garage forecourt did the family nick the flowers from?
3.Why is it that when a criminal is injured the paramedics 'rush' to the scene but take their own sweet time when it's anyone else?
4.Does anyone with any sense of morals really care what happened to this obnoxious twonk?
Penseivat

JuliaM said...

"No doubt he was a "loveable rogue" ..."

Can't wait for the inquest!

"... allowing Mrs Simon's Fence of Doom to deal out justice to this Labour posterboy."

:D

"That's not strictly a guillotining."

But sadly, the closest we are likely to come.