The Wisdom Of David Lammy On The London Mayoral Candidacy

Thick-as-mince Labour minister David Lammy is obviously still thirsting for humiliation:

With the Tories back in power, the election of a new London mayor in 2012 takes on greater significance. Boris Johnson holds the biggest mandate of any British politician, but do he and David Cameron really understand what life can be like in tough times?

You mean, the way Fettes-educated Tony Blair did?

As we select our leader, Labour must be clear about what we learned from the general election…

Oh, this’ll be good. The Labour Leadership contest is already proving that you haven’t learned a thing…

The bad news is that Boris's "doughnut strategy" from 2008 repeated itself. There is a blue ring emerging around the capital. To win again, we must find a way to speak for those in the suburbs. We need a renewed offer on quality of life. Crime and antisocial behaviour are bigger issues in these residential areas. People worry about teenagers hanging around on streets. Issues like mental health and youth services affect everyone: we need to start making that case.

You mean, you couldn’t crack those problems in 13 years, but you promise faithfully that you now have all the answers now you are no longer in power?

Above all, we need a political heavyweight.

You need a miracle...

I thought hard about whether to enter the contest myself.

Bwahahahahaha!

Wait. You aren’t serious?

You do realise when the awkward questions start, you can’t just say ‘Pass’, don’t you?

The figure best placed to lead the fight is Ken Livingstone.

Ah. OK.

You weren’t serious.

As Ross points out, he has some cheek suggesting that the Mayor of London should avoid vanity projects, too...