It's Not Halloween Yet, Surely?

Strange goings on at St Margaret's Church graveyard:

Patrols are going to be stepped up around a graveyard where the mutilated body of a cat was found on Sunday morning.

So far, so gruesome. But this is a pretty good example of local newspapers at work.

First, there's the crime:

Edgware Safer Neighbourhood Team say they will be more vigilant around St Margaret's Church in Station Road, where the body of Coco, a long-haired black cat, was found on a grave.

His heart and other internal organs had been removed, although there was no blood at the site or on his fur.

Ooo-er! But reading on:

An RSPCA official called to investigate the incident when it was reported to police put it down as a road accident, although there were no obvious injuries to the treasured family pet.

Er, but hang on, Inspector Clouseau. How come the claim is made that the heart and internal organs have been removed, yet you can find no 'injuries'?

Predation by foxes on a roadkilled cat could easily account for the missing organs, but one assumes even one of the dimmer bulbs of the infamous RSPCA goon squad would notice that...

And then there's this sublime paragraph:

A bowl full of ham and water had also been left in the same churchyard, which the church administrator said was not supposed to be there.

Well, quite...

The Harrow Times has more:

Earlier this year the intact skeleton of a cat was discovered deep in the cemetery and the body of a ginger tom was found laid out, which church officials thought had been involved in a car crash.

They're driving now..!?