Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Signs You May Be In A Seaside Town...


Yes, it is March. They clearly have decided to just leave it up, in case...

23 comments:

Mr Eugenides said...

What the cunting fuck does health and safety have to do with semi-nudity?

It really has become the new mantra for our age, hasn't it? Anything, no matter how daft (or, in this case, fairly sensible) is justified by reference to this magic phrase. It's as if any utterance of those fateful words simply closes off any further discussions.

[rage]

measured said...

Whenever you read 'Polite Notice' you just know there was a busybody involved. Why is the 'Polite' necessary? It is not self-fulfilling.

Good to see you Mr E. Still miss your blog.

Clarissa said...

See as it is Southend I imagine they are less concerned about sunbathers and more worried about drunk and/or stoned revellers.

Ranter said...

I wondered about the health & safety angle. Why don't they just say 'In order not to be appear like a neanderthal ming mong and to also avoid upsetting everyone else with your horrid B.O please try and behave like a normal person and WEAR SOME FUCKING CLOTHES when you come in to do your shopping - THE MANAGEMENT'

I think 'Polite Notice' has been around for decades - a quick look and it appears to say 'Police Notice' - not that anyone gives a flying about that anyway!

RantinRab said...

It's one of my pet hates during the summer months. Fat bastards walking about the shop showing off their man boobs. As for the health and safety aspect, how do you fancy something from the salad bar that some fat bastard has sweated in to? Exactly.

Ex-Pat Alfie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Edwin Greenwood said...

"What the cunting fuck does health and safety have to do with semi-nudity?"

Well, you wouldn't want to find somebody else's pubic hairs on your freshly purchased salami, now, would you, Mr E? Or if they've been very careless near the slicing machine ... no, no, I prefer not to think about that.

Mjolinir said...

Ummm - must remember to wear a burqa next time I go shopping.

BTW - there are lots of people who are NOT 'fully dressed' unless they have their heads covered. Will that store be assessing the religion of all customers and rejecting any who they believe 'should be' wearing something?

Anonymous said...

POLITE NOTICE


Sainsbury's is a pile of poo!

- I have barred them from having any of my trade!

Michael Fowke said...

Signs? People on the dole, heroin users ...

Anonymous said...

Signs You May Be In The Seaside Town of Santa Cruz, California, USA

- No Outdoor Smoking Permitted

- Tobacco Possession In City Parks Is A Crime Punishable By A $50 Fine and Tobacco Confiscation

- Santa Cruz Is A Hate-Free Zone

Scrobs... said...

There is a very simple explanation for all this.

If some wobbling slob, wears the vaguest of small attire pieces, roughly joined together where they touch, and enters an emporium such as Sainsbury's, there are very few places amongst which he or she can secrete the comestible items which he or she wishes to shoplift on that particular occasion.

The elfun saferty element is purely insurance against the disgusting requirement for security staff to have to use torches and search the several bodily orifices, areas of hair follicles beyond 1/8th of an inch in length and other fat formed creases in the flesh, to extract the said items return them to the shelves for display again.

I would suggest a sliding scale of the said orifices would also be used, i.e., unpleasant tatooed armpit for secreting bag of chocolate croissants is somewhat less of a concern than someone's bum cheeks clenching a whole boiled ham and a jar of pickled onions.

The list goes on...

Captain Haddock said...

Totally agree with all the points made regarding the need for people to be properly clothed whist shopping ..

What I can't see is .. if this is a "Polite" notice, it means "We're asking you, but we can't enforce it" ..

If Sainsbury's invoke H & S legislation, then surely, they're obliged to display the relevant Act & Section pertaining to that regulation ?

If its a regulation, there's no need to thank anyone for complying with it .. the alternative is refusal of admittance or the immediate ejection of anyone contravening said regulation ..

I sum this up as being a piss-poor & limp-wristed attempt by Sainsbury's to look "tough" but without risk to their profits ..

blueknight said...

True story, it was a warm night and I could not understand why the man two aisles away was wearing a furry coat. When I got closer I saw it was a string vest and he was hairy....

microdave said...

I suppose a pair of torn jeans aren't acceptable?

http://i55.tinypic.com/x0zatx.jpg

Ranter said...

May I recommend:

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?p=6017

Amazing.

We're getting more like Amerka ever-day

Anonymous said...

I welcome improved safety at our Sainsbury's. Accidents have been drastically reduced since management closed the dogging section and deducted Nectar points for aisle crawling.

Mjolinir said...

@CaptainH - //If Sainsbury's invoke H & S legislation, then surely, they're obliged to display the relevant Act & Section pertaining to that regulation ?//

Yes - and I expect the notices are 'displayed' somewhere. Probably behind a door marked "Authorised Persons Only"

H&S at Work Act 1974 - Section3 seems relevant- //General duties of employers and self-employed to persons other than their employees.

(1)It shall be the duty of every employer to conduct his undertaking in such a way as to ensure, so far as is reasonably practicable, that persons not in his employment who may be affected thereby are not thereby exposed to risks to their health or safety.//

But I find it difficult to visualise any 'hazard' that a partially -dressed customer might present, which merely the putting on of ordinary clothing would eliminate?

English Viking said...

Why not just tell the truth?

Why not just say "No scantily-clad chavs)?

It's a private shop, they can have whatever admittance conditions they like. Trying to hide their likes and dislikes with H and S shite is just one more reason folks should consider going elsewhere.

Captain Haddock said...

@ English Viking ..

Why not just say "No scantily-clad chavs)?

Absolutely EV .. well said .. though I wonder just how long it will be before Chavs have protective "ethnic" status bestowed upon them too ?

JuliaM said...

"It really has become the new mantra for our age, hasn't it?"

It's certainly regarded as the trump card.

But as Rab and Edwin point out, it might, just might, be applicable here. When summer comes, the chap on the deli counter might do himself a mischief if he saw what some of the characters were parading round in...

"See as it is Southend I imagine they are less concerned about sunbathers and more worried about drunk and/or stoned revellers."

Sadly true.

"...a quick look and it appears to say 'Police Notice' - not that anyone gives a flying about that anyway!"

Also sadly true!

"The elfun saferty element is purely insurance against the disgusting requirement for security staff to have to use torches and search the several bodily orifices, areas of hair follicles beyond 1/8th of an inch in length and other fat formed creases in the flesh..."

You know Southend well, it seems! :)

JuliaM said...

"True story, it was a warm night and I could not understand why the man two aisles away was wearing a furry coat. When I got closer I saw it was a string vest and he was hairy...."

Eeeewwwww!

"May I recommend:

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?p=6017"


*chokes*

"Why not just tell the truth?

Why not just say "No scantily-clad chavs)?"


We all know that's what it really means, so why get in trouble pointing it out?

Mjolinir said...

@ E-V //It's a private shop, they can have whatever admittance conditions they like.//

Providing, of course, they only 'discriminate against' the permitted categories of persons.

[I have a large full beard and often wear a hat. I have been 'ordered' to take this off (for Security Reasons = CCTV) when entering shops. Great to see the look when I ask if this ruling is applicable to Jews.

I did once threaten to come back in a Burqa when told they had orders NOT to challenge any 'religious or ethnic' items.(Hence my earlier post)]