Friday, 1 April 2011

Better Move Your Keyboards…

…you don’t want to get fluids on them:
This is the bronze piece of artwork set to take pride of place in Victoria Circus, Southend, when the £7million revamp comes to an end this week.
GAH!!! MY EYES!!!!
The Echo has been given an exclusive peek at the piece, called the Return and designed by renowned Belgian sculptor Rene Julien.
You should have turned down the offer... *shudder*
It will cost £50,000 to create and install.
The piece shows a couple meeting with the woman jumping into the arms of her male partner while a pair of lovebirds cavort at their feet.
I have to say, it’s quite the tackiest piece of sculpture I’ve ever seen. Worse even than this ghastly monstrosity.
Lorraine Butler, the Better Southend project manager, said the work was not commissioned, but chosen by councillors from a range of sculptures.
You mean, the others were turned down in favour of this? Good god, what must they be like!
She added: “They were looking for a more traditional piece that gave good value for money and this was the piece they finally chose. “They were after something that represented the essence of what the new square was all about. This symbolises people returning home, returning back to Southend. “It represents a place where people will meet up. Obviously, we hope people enjoy it.”
They’ll enjoy it all right. It won’t be too long before the surprised gentleman is wearing a traffic-cone hat, and the young lady has a pair of bright red lacy knickers dangling from that raised foot….


MTG said...

From some perspectives, Art has long been accustomed to rounded figures and this rear looks fine to me, Julia. :)

Anonymous said...

"pair of bright red lacy knickers dangling from that raised foot…"
OOhh...word verification: cones...someone's 'avin a larf...

Anonymous said...

err, hang on, isn't the country in total crisis and BROKE!

DAD said...

Sarfend, that's Essex for you.

Ranter said...

Why a mixed sex couple? There are plenty of heterosexual statues around; why not make a stand and have a same sex couple?

Christ, what IS happening to me?

Anonymous said...

God somebody saw them coming and had time to whip off the spurs and stetson and enough time to move the horse round the back!
You mean somebody actually PAID for this? I don't blame the "artist" if a council approached me with a bag of money and the options were to admit they were being idiots or take the money and run, well I could use the exercise!

Captain Haddock said...

"This symbolises people returning home, returning back to Southend" ..

Does she honestly expect anyone to believe that once someone, with more than the locally required single brain cell, has successfully escaped from Sarfend .. that they ever return again voluntarily ?

Yer 'avin a giraffe darlin' ...

I doubt that this monstrosity will keep its legs long enough for "Chardonnay-Destiny's" knickers to adorn them .. the local Chavs will have them off at the knees & down to the nearest scrap yard before you can say "hacksaw" ..

blueknight said...

Desperate spinster leaps on flasher.
The 'man' does have bare legs? and that mac.

Mike said...

it looks like she been eaten, doesn't look like a loving embrace or anything sexual to me. the knikers would be an improvement not sure about the cone idea what was in your mind Julia?!?

Mike said...

as for money spent on public art, one the one hand it is a good idea and a sign of a civilised society but i agree councils do seem to go for some utter shite and pay over the odds. i second the opinion that you can't blame the artist for taking the money just the amorphous mass they have produced here. not sure what my taste in art says about me i apraciate things like the angel of the north and some opera. i define art as a product of human existance that serves no functional purpose other than to provke thought a bit like an iPhone, doesn't make calls very well, cant tell the time, not a very smart phone but it looks nice and has provked others to come up with better solutions

Mike said...

talking of solutions I could do with a keyboard that lights up so i can see the keys or switch the lights on when blogging at night, learning to touch type would be an idea

JuliaM said...

"and this rear looks fine to me, Julia. :)"

Very hard and cold, though. And shortly to be adorned in the finest misspelled graffiti in Southend, I suspect...

"Sarfend, that's Essex for you."

It has to be said, a short walk down the high street and you'll find, too close to M&S for my liking, a shop selling equally appalling examples of 'art'.

At least they don't cost £50,000.

"Christ, what IS happening to me?"

You've been reading too much 'Guardian'..? ;)

"...the local Chavs will have them off at the knees & down to the nearest scrap yard before you can say "hacksaw" .."

A commenter at the 'Echo' site did suggest it's scrap value might make it a target for the nearby Cray's Hill folk.