Security guards reduced a nine-year-old boy to tears after banning him from sailing his toy boat on a pond because it 'frightens the fish'.God, it must be an exciting day of intrigue and derring-do as a security guard at Chiswick Business Park! I bet the queue for jobs there is round the block.
Noah Bailey was distraught after staff at Chiswick Business Park, in west London, stopped him playing with his model of the German battleship Bismarck.
Forget the SAS or Blackwater. Who wants to go toe-to-toe with armed insurgents or enemy spies, when you can face down the deadly threat of a nine-year-old. And make him cry!
It's a wonder that, realising he had his grandfather with him, the officious little toad didn't get out his walkie talkie and start screaming 'Code red! Code red! Officer under fire! Send backup!'.
Why, the chap was under sixty. It could have turned very nasty...
Mr Fabricius then asked the guard who he should make a complaint to, but he refused to give the name of anyone in management or a contact number due to 'security considerations'.In case the local British Legion staged a reprisal raid, no doubt?
Mind you, if I employed the sort of dickless wonders who thought chasing a nine-year-old away from a lake for the heinous crime of sailing a toy boat was a good job well done, I'd make sure they had strict instructions never to give my name out too.
I couldn't bear the shame of everyone knowing how I made my living...
And now the papers are in on the act, what has the company to say for itself?
A spokesman for the security team at the park said: 'We have had quite a few people come to the lake to use their model speedboats which is unacceptable.'It seems...'? 'Personally, I don't...'? Way to handle this PR disaster, Mr Company Representative!
'We have even had people paddling in the lake. Anything to do with the lake, we try to nip in the bud.
'However, if this toy boat didn't have a motor engine I can't see a problem. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it.
'It seems a bit pathetic.'
I think this chap understands the term 'spokesman' about as well as his colleagues understand the term 'security guard'...
5 comments:
"Anything to do with the lake, we try to nip in the bud."
Like what? Looking at it? Rain falling on it in an aggressive manner?
#swears#
Hmmm!
I see now that private property belongs to the collective.
You know if I owned this lake I'd not be bothered if some kids started sailing boats in it. However I might be averse to encouraging the general public to use it because once access is granted its hard to reverse.
JuliaM is no stranger to the yob culture that we all suffer from, so to point out some of the potential problems like rubbish and supermarket trolleys being dumped in the water seems superfluous.
For myself I might create a "boating club" and invite children to join for a nominal 1p fee. That way it remains private. However I don't write a comment for that reason, I write because I have suffered the depredations of the general public who gained a right of way through my land because 25 years previously the occupier was a nice person and let them through. The law doesn't protect people like me or the owners of the water - it protects the skally who abuses my predecessors generosity.
How do they know it frightens the fish?
Guess this will appear on the lad's Xmas list...........
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Top-01-Scout-Submarine-inc-Controller/dp/B002GTN5DW/ref=sr_1_15?ie=UTF8&s=toys&qid=1252941335&sr=8-15
"#swears#"
At this rate, they're going to have to rename the 'Daily Fail' the 'Daily &*£$%!*'...
"...so to point out some of the potential problems like rubbish and supermarket trolleys being dumped in the water seems superfluous."
Oh, I agree. However, I suspect that if a tattooed thug with a pitbull on a string were to pull up and disgorge half a tonne of scrap into the pond, Mr 'Sink THe Bismarck!' wouldn't be anywhere to be found...
"...I have suffered the depredations of the general public who gained a right of way through my land because 25 years previously the occupier was a nice person and let them through. The law doesn't protect people like me or the owners of the water - it protects the skally who abuses my predecessors generosity."
See above. And if they had:
a) posted a notice warning 'no boating',
b) turned a blind eye to the lad or had a quiet word leaving out the 'it frightens the fish' old flannel or
c) when questioned, not made twats of themselves with refusals to give names
then I might be a bit more sympathetic.
"Guess this will appear on the lad's Xmas list....."
Excellent!
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