Friday, 19 August 2011

Carlsberg Don’t Do Rioters…

…but if they did, they’d be the very antithesis of this bunch:
With their hoods up and with bricks in hand, they had arranged to meet on Facebook and selected their target – the Tesco Express store in the centre of Calne, Wiltshire.
And that’s where things all started to go to hell…
But things didn’t really go according to plan for the Calne Five, who hadn’t exactly done their homework before setting off for a night of rioting, mayhem and looting.

For a start, they perhaps failed to realise that the looters of London were smashing shop windows because shops were closed so they could get inside to steal their goods.

But if the shop is still open, like the Tesco Express in Calne was at the time on Tuesday night, they could easily have simply walked in through the open door.
/facepalm
But, with the two frightened staff inside quickly calling the police, the five set about trying to smash the huge pane of thickened glass that makes up much of the shopfront with their bricks and sticks.

It cracked, but did not shatter. In the end, with the door to the shop opening and closing just feet away as bemused customers came and went, the five ran off as the police arrived.
/doublefacepalm
And things went from bad to worse for the West’s most rubbish rioters. Police reviewed CCTV footage, spotted a couple of familiar faces, and then accessed Facebook to find out exactly who had arranged to meet up and try to trash the Tesco store.
All five were then arrested the following day in a series of raids on homes in and around Calne…
There just are no words…

Also competing for 'Dimmmest Crook Of The Year 2011' is Thomas Downey. If only Krispy Kreme did a box of 20, rather than 12, he might have got away with it...

H/T: CJ Nerd via email

9 comments:

Rob said...

Odd that all of the scum seem to be targeting Tesco. Or maybe not - Tesco is the favoured target of the Far Left. The media are very quiet on the involvement of the SWP and other extreme left loons in these riots.

jaded said...

My dimmest crook recently was when I reported a shoplifter caught on CCTV at a chemists.He was recognised by staff as he goes in there EVERY DAY to collect his methadone.
The gene pool is very shallow round here.

Antisthenes said...

To go off at a tangent. Most criminals are caught not because the police are clever but because crooks are mostly stupid. To join the police force the academic and IQ entry requirements are very low so it is not surprising that police forces are so often to be seen as incompetent. Thatcher recognized the problem and attempted to do something about it but of course was thwarted by vested interest.

Angry Exile said...

Still not as daft as the kind who leave their home address at the scene of the crime. Been a few of those, I think.

NickM said...

Julia, that link to Thomas Downey and the other miscreants in Manchester is bloody hilarious.

Jaded,
Similar story from my neck opf the woods and years back only a post office - the post office where this guy cashed his giro. Just round the corner from his Mum's house where the cops found him watching Neighbours on the telly.

Jiks said...

I think I'm going to have to become a penguin or something as these characters are making me ashamed to be a member of the same species.

Anonymous said...

Utterly crazy to try to rob a local shop with staff and customers on-site.

Also Tescos has CCTV - was it really worth risking arrest just for groceries?

David Gillies said...

There's been, I think, some legitimate concern that a few of the sentences handed out in the wake of the riots have been a bit savage, but in the case of the doughnut thief anybody that clearly incorrigible should have either been banged up for life or just given a 9×19mm in the nape of the neck.

As for the desperadoes of Calne, words almost fail. Facebook is a social networking site. It is the distilled essence of 'not private'. You might as well put a classified ad in the Wiltshire Gazette and Herald: "who wants to go and rob the Tesco tonight? Meet in the car park behind the Lansdowne Arms, 6.30."

JuliaM said...

"Odd that all of the scum seem to be targeting Tesco."

I think it's just that Tesco are ubiquitous now...

".He was recognised by staff as he goes in there EVERY DAY to collect his methadone."

LOL!

"Most criminals are caught not because the police are clever but because crooks are mostly stupid."

There's some amazing stories on the police forum...

"You might as well put a classified ad in the Wiltshire Gazette and Herald: "who wants to go and rob the Tesco tonight? Meet in the car park behind the Lansdowne Arms, 6.30.""

Indeed.