Saturday 4 December 2010

Worst. Excuse. Ever...

Sabrina Johnson, 25, performed sex acts on the three strangers she had met while walking home from a night out, Chelmsford Crown Court in Essex heard.
*shrugs* That's Chelmsford for you!

Oh, wait:
The following morning when she woke up, hung over and late for work, she told her boss that she had been dragged into a park by two strangers and forced to perform oral sex on them.
Clearly, her co-workers were not aware of her idea of 'a good night out', and so did what anyone would do:
Horrified workmates urged Johnson to report the attack to police, and detectives spent 311 hours investigating the alleged crime, at a cost of some £6,753.
The investigation continued until one of the men involved came forward with a voice recording that he had made on his mobile phone of Johnson consenting to the sex game.
Whew! There's an app for that!
Her solicitor, Peter Barlex, told the court in mitigation that Johnson only had a vague memory of what had happened because she had been drinking. He added that she had been badly affected by a diet which restricted her to 410 calories a day and prohibits solid food.
Ummm.....
Mr Barlex said Johnson was very sorry for lying and apologised to police and all victims of rape. He told the court that the defendant had only contacted police at the urging of her ex-partner and workmates. He said 'It was a situation that got out of hand and she could not get out of it.'
I'm guessing by that, he means the false rape claim, and not blowing three complete strangers on the way home?

19 comments:

Ross said...

# Books holiday in Chelmsford #

# Looks at photo of woman #

# Unbooks holiday in Chelmsford #

Chuckles said...

Why does the word 'microcosm' come to mind?
I think the phrase 'as one does' belongs in the first bit as well?

Jim said...

Whats the definition of 'very rare'? I'm just wondering how many documented cases one would need to have in a year before one could take on the next person who spouts off about how rare these cases are.

Woman on a Raft said...

There is something strange about Chelmsford. You can explain Colchester by reference to it being a garrison town so you have to expect some peculiar behaviour, but Chelmsford seems to be in a secret competition to out-Romford Romford, which even Romford doesn't know about.

It is bizarre enough that a lone woman suddenly offers to do for three blokes whom she does not know from Adam, but three otherwise sane men with their combined intelligence don't immediately go "Stacy Alert! Run!"

Angry Exile said...

And it's not just lying about rape that women are capable of, though i'm more prepared to believe that this kind of thing really is 'very rare'. The point is though, for years women were assumed to be incapable of this kind of thing, just because they're women and women don't do that. Most don't, it's true but some certainly do and the fact that women and men are treated differently according to gender in sex cases makes a nonsense of the idea of equality before the law.

staybryte said...

Typical piece of sloppy 'Fail' writing in that the first para gives the impression she was pregnant at the time. It kind of half clarifies this further down, I think...

Angry Exile said...

Something I just noticed on a re-read. The men weren't named. See, Judicial System? You can manage when you want to.

Anonymous said...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-11910088

he's probably on the run having been falsely accused of rape

AntiCitizenOne said...

> badly affected by a diet which restricted her to 410 calories a day and prohibits solid food.

Good job alcohol is calorie free...
Isn't it?

NickM said...

We three Kings of Chelmsford are...

I wish I could finish that...

NickM said...

Got it!
Why can't the second coming ever happen in Essex?

You'd never find three wise men and a virgin.

microdave said...

"Forced to perform oral sex on them."

"A situation that got OUT OF HAND"

"Badly affected by a diet which prohibits solid food"


I'm sorry, but my mind is in turmoil at the moment!!!

banned said...

The Judge described the male 'victim' who came forward as a result of seeing an e-fit of himself as a "fine upsatanding character" (or somesuch); this of someone who takes part in an improptu foursome and then records it on his phone?

Woman on a Raft said...

"a fine upsatanding character"

The judge saw the pictures...

blueknight said...

she's blown her 410 calories a day in more ways than one...

Richard said...

*Trainee* *assistant* manager, at the *Co-op*.

Quality.

JuliaM said...

"# Unbooks holiday in Chelmsford #"

Can't blame you!

"...Chelmsford seems to be in a secret competition to out-Romford Romford..."

The very definition of an uphill struggle!

"...the fact that women and men are treated differently according to gender in sex cases makes a nonsense of the idea of equality before the law."

I think we're going to have to stop referring to 'equality' entirely. We just don't seem to have it any more!

"Something I just noticed on a re-read. The men weren't named. "

Yes, interesting that, isn't it?

"Good job alcohol is calorie free...

Isn't it?"


:D

Dave H. said...

She's just a victim of one of the more drastic diet fads. We've had F-Plan, Atkins, low-GI etc. In this latest one, called the Essex Girl, all forms of nutrition are forbidden except alcohol and semen.

Angry Exile said...

The BJ-Plan?