Wednesday, 7 August 2013

I Doubt You’ll Like The Answers…

The grieving mother of a St Mary Cray boy, killed when he crashed a stolen motorcycle in Orpington, says she wants answers so she can move on.
Oh. OK. Your son was a thieving little shit, the world's well rid of him, and the average IQ of St Mary Cray probably went up a bit when he cashed in his chips.

Does that help?
The 39-year-old, of Elizabeth Way, St Mary Cray, told News Shopper: "Just because we have had the inquest it doesn't mean it is the end for us.
"There are still unanswered questions."
No. Not really. I just answered them.
Mrs Collins said "It is the worst thing in the world.
"Dean wasn't a bad kid. He had a lot of friends.
"He was one in a million; a loveable rouge (Ed: I suspect she means ‘rogue’…), as they say."
 /facepalm
She added: "It is a lesson for all Dean's friends, for all young people out there."
 What, not to go nicking other people's stuff?
"It is so important to wear a helmet. Don't even leave the house without one."
Oh. Right. Of course. If you're going to steal, make sure you steal things responsibly...

Can we take off and nuke St Mary Cray from orbit now?

17 comments:

Joe Public said...

Of course, would a 'responsible' mum allow her 17 year old to be out, at 3:30 in the morning?

Bongo-Bongo Land resident said...

Oh. OK. Your son was a thieving little shit, the world's well rid of him, and the average IQ of St Mary Cray probably went up a bit when he cashed in his chips.

Brilliant! Well said!

Can we take off and nuke St Mary Cray from orbit now?

It is the only way to be sure, after all.

Anonymous said...

"the average IQ of St Mary Cray probably went up a bit "

The collective IQ of that dump is in single figures, so no.

Bucko The Moose said...

Andy Capp is a loveable rogue. That kid is just a **** ******* in **** a ******* **** and **** **** of ****!

Lynne at Counting Cats said...

Did he earn a Darwin Award or did he mange to impregnate various Chardonays and Jades before he kicked?

Anonymous said...

The comments are great - especially in the follow up article where 'Mum' claims she 'wants answers....' - despite the facts. She's outed as a right old pikey slapper.

Geoffrey Bloom for PM!!

Twenty_Rothmans said...

I was despondent until I read about Dean Pennial's unfortunate accident and his mother's sage advice (she doesn't share his name, which shocked me).

"It is so important to wear a helmet. Don't even leave the house without one. Especially if you are thieving chavscum, as you can't be identified by CCTV."

Obviously the family look as though they have DNA sequenced by a dyslexic.

I hope the motorbike was okay.

Michael said...

Not the most difficult of questions though? "Did you take the written test prior to having said sprog or just the practical?" As for the rest, it seems everybody else has worked out that if the little Oxygen Thief had not stolen the bike and followed in Mummy's footsteps he would still be in the land of the upright and breathing.

Anonymous said...

Comments were hilarious and the paper pulled the story early.The "mother" has no sense of irony but that the Crays for you.
Jaded

John Pickworth said...


No nukes required. We just need more walls and trees ;-)

John Pickworth said...

Apologies, my last post above.

News Shopper seems to block linking to their images (photo of the accident scene) and inject a random picture instead.

If you wish to see the scene, you'll need to copy and paste this link: http://www.newsshopper.co.uk/resources/images/2557787/

Cheers.

Furor Teutonicus said...

XX Crays XX

?? Any relation?

Anonymous said...

She said she wants answers. To what ?

"Mrs Collins says she still hasn't spoken to George Turner, who was on the back of the bike when Mr Pennial crashed it.."

I guess she wants to know why it was her little soldier that bought the farm and not some other mothers little $#!T.

And looking at that picture of the crime scene (their was a crime - theft, dangerous driving, no licence, no insurance etc) I'd say he hit the tree pretty hard. Lucky not too much damage was done or the environmentalists' would be up in arms. And as for the wall, all I can say is that can easily be repaired.

Oh, and I hope the owner of the scooter gets a new one.

All's well that ends well.

LordSomber said...

The father could not be reached for comment.

JuliaM said...

"Of course, would a 'responsible' mum allow her 17 year old to be out, at 3:30 in the morning?"

No blame must ever attach to the parents!

"The collective IQ of that dump is in single figures, so no."

:D

"Andy Capp is a loveable rogue. That kid is just a **** ******* in **** a ******* **** and **** **** of ****!"

Good point, but wrong tense. I'm quite happy to say... ;)

JuliaM said...

"Did he earn a Darwin Award or did he mange to impregnate various Chardonays and Jades before he kicked?"

I wouldn't be too surprised...

"Obviously the family look as though they have DNA sequenced by a dyslexic."

:D

"Comments were hilarious and the paper pulled the story early"

Ahhhh, I thought that might happen. I don't know why they open comments on stories like that.

"No nukes required. We just need more walls and trees ;-)"

Yay for the laws of physics!

JuliaM said...

"Oh, and I hope the owner of the scooter gets a new one."

If the owner was a denizen of the Crays, the chances he had any insurance are remote...

"The father could not be reached for comment."

Maybe it was an immaculate conception?