You're supposed to put these tokens in one of three boxes, each representing an individual cause. Conservatively, I must have spent a third of my life slumped in front of these boxes, agonising over which cause to pick. Should I give it to the dilapidated care home or the local postnatal unit? There's one here collecting money for beehives. Who do I like more, babies or old people? I certainly won't give my token to the beekeepers. But what about the documentary I saw that said we'll all die if the bees go extinct? Perhaps my token would do more good there. Yeah. That's what I'll do. Screw you, premature babies. God, did I really just think, "Screw you, premature babies"? I'm an awful person. On and on and on it goes. Eventually, withered and hungry, I'll give up. I'll press the token into a stranger's hand. "You look like a kindly fellow," I'll croak. "I trust you to make the right decision."What a man of action you are!
It's also, broadly speaking, my attitude towards voting.Well, I’m surprised. Not.
Call me naive, but it seems sensible to assume that an MP would be better at making important decisions than me.Really? Well, actually, you may have a point. Frankly, I don’t think there’s much in it though!
I don't think I'm alone in thinking this, which is why Nigel Farage's newfound love affair with referendums is doomed to failure. This week, Farage declared that a Ukip government would hold regular public referendums for everything from foreign affairs to housing schemes. Direct democracy, he calls it. A massive pain, I call it.Of course you do – thinking’s hard. Better to get someone to do it for you. Relieve you of that terrible burden of responsibility.
…really, I don't want that much of a say. Nobody does. That's what elections are for. An election is a genius act of delegation. I don't want to spend the next five years embarking on an in-depth series of work and pension spending reviews. That's why I went to the trouble of picking a representative to do it for me.Hey, I want a say. So do lots of people. You speak for them about as well as those ‘representatives’ you seem to favour speak for….well, for you.