Friday 2 September 2011

Angry Porker Upset By Angry Porker!

A teenager was left stunned after her little brother was attacked ...by a pet pig.

Kathryn Clark and five-year-old Robert were on the recreation ground near Clacton Leisure Centre when they were surprised to see a woman taking the pet porker for a walk.

But when their ten-month-old poodle puppy went to investigate, all hell broke loose.
How exactly did their puppy ‘go to investigate’? Surely, it was safely leashed, like the woman’s pig?
“He went over to play with the pig, but the woman went crazy,” said Kathryn, 19.

“The owner kicked my dog and the pig tried to attack my little brother.

“The pig was making really weird noises.

“Robert only went over to get our dog, but the woman started hurling abuse at us and the pig went for him.

“Luckily, the pig was on a lead and it missed Robert. But it could have flattened him and caused some real damage.”
Well, love, it looks like your dog started it. Perhaps if you’d had him under control, this wouldn’t have happened?
She claims the bad-tempered hog is a menace and a danger to the public.

"It’s ridiculous,” said the Blockbuster video store worker.
Whereas her puppy? Wouldn’t hurt a fly. And if others aren’t so keen on it jumping up with muddy paws at them, well, so what? Innit!

So, what are the rules with pigs, anyway?
If you want to keep a pig, you must register with the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs.

You also have to apply for a special pig walking licence, and get the route officially approved, to prevent the risk of spreading diseases.
Is there any indication this lady hasn’t done just that? None whatsoever.

But the last word should surely go to the chubby chav:
Kathryn says the animal that attacked her brother should be put down.

She said: “How many kids will see a pig and want to go stroke it?”

“I’m all for people having weird pets – I’ve got a snake. But a dangerous pig that attacks small children is wrong.

I’d like to see her licence revoked and that pig destroyed.”
Translation: “When I want to do something, it’s OK. Sod everyone else! Where’s my compo!”

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

"How many kids will see a pig and want to go stroke it"

None, I would imagine; they're more likely to run away from it, never having seen one before. I like pigs (having been in the business in the past) but would never think of stroking one. But then she does work in a video shop.

Anonymous said...

I don't think the dawg looked happy sitting next to the pig....oh.

Love the headline. Ham-bushed BWahahaha

Anonymous said...

I can only assume we're talking about one of the toy breeds? Vietnamese pot bellied or something. Do they 'go' for people? Seems unlikely.

I did like the "making really weird noises" remark, though. Townies, huh.

Anonymous said...

Erm, the 2nd anon was me. Google playing up or something?

Roue le Jour

Roue le Jour said...

I presume we're talking about one of the toy breeds, Vietnamese pot bellied or something. Do they 'go' for people? Seems unlikely.

And that 'really weird noise' would be squealing, love. It's the noise pigs make.

(Oops - 'NoScript' on)

Anonymous said...

disappointed when i saw the headline thought it was John Prescott and Jacqui Smith having a death match.

Anonymous said...

I thought it was a bust up between Pickles and Soames.

Edwin Greenwood said...

From the readers' comments:

"Probably the poor pig has had bad experiences with dogs, and its owner knows that. If so, that is why the pair of them went ape."

Gordon Bennett! (Or as we classical music aficionados always say, Richard Rodney Bennett!)

Twenty_Rothmans said...

>Anonymous said...

"How many kids will see a pig and want to go stroke it"

Guilty as charged. I was 22 at the time and she was a flatmate.

I would also like you to take many more offences into consideration.

Lynne said...

Not surprising. Chavs are hardly the most rashernal of people, are they...

Evil laff.

Angry Exile said...

I think our host needs to do some joke control around here. C'mon, Julia, chop chop.

Captain Haddock said...

"It’s ridiculous,” said the Blockbuster video store worker.

Says it all really ...

And leaves one wondering whether her parents are complying with DEFRA Regs when taking her out in public ?

microdave said...

I'll bet the pig is house-trained as well, and doesn't go pissing and crapping all over the place...

swanseajock said...

Doesn't look like apoodle to me

Ian B said...

It's a pig-eat-dog world out there.

JuliaM said...

" But then she does work in a video shop."

SNORK!

"I presume we're talking about one of the toy breeds, Vietnamese pot bellied or something."

She says not. Though how she's accepted as an expert pig identifier, I couldn't say.

"disappointed when i saw the headline thought it was John Prescott and Jacqui Smith having a death match."

I'm glad you said 'deathmatch' and not anything else. I had the *mindbleach* ready...

"From the readers' comments..."

Disappointingly, my comment that, as a fellow porker, she should have some fellow-feeling, didn't get through...

JuliaM said...

"I think our host needs to do some joke control around here."

Nah, go the whole hog, I'm cool with it... ;)

"It's a pig-eat-dog world out there."

LOL!

Angry Exile said...

Well, as long as you don't mind this place turning into a forum for hamateur comedians.

Rob said...

This is England