Thursday 4 November 2010

I’m Not Too Bothered About Those Dreaded ‘Police Cuts’…

…when it seems they have the manpower and time – not to mention the desire - to play ‘SimTown’:
Police have launched a scathing attack on multi-million-pound plans for York’s Nestlé South site, saying they would lead to a surge in crime.
And this is the business of the police? Seriously?
The confectionery giant wants to redevelop some of its old factory buildings, to create homes, offices, shops, student accommodation, a community centre and a gym.

But North Yorkshire Police say Nestlé’s plans do not include enough anti-crime measures and the force has now called on City of York Council to refuse planning permission.
Here’s a clear case of the police wildly overstepping their bounds.

Incredibly enough, it’s actually a defined role:
Jim Shanks, the force’s architectural liaison officer
The what..?!?

Once more, for the disbelieving:
Jim Shanks, the force’s architectural liaison officer
Wow, it’s hard to see how that one hasn’t yet been dramatised for prime-time, isn’t it?

I can see it now:

'Tonight, on ITV4, our brand new drama series, starring James Nesbitt: ‘Brannigan: Architectural Liaison Officer.' He’s tough, but compassionate, and with his grasp of 21st century crime-fighting regulations, he keeps our building sites and streets safe...'
…said Nestlé had failed to work with police to make sure the site was safe, and raised a number of “serious concerns” about the plans.
I expect it came as a bit of a surprise to Nestlé that this was something that was their responsibility…

So, what glaring, specialised issues did the ALO raise, then?
There were too many footpaths and through roads, which could give alternative escape routes for criminals
Note that: ‘could’. They could also give access for the law-abiding, who surely even in York are actually in the majority, no?
There were too many open routes on to the Sustrans cycle track, running parallel to Hambleton Terrace, which he said was already a crime hotspot
Once again, what is he suggesting here? That planners shouldn’t design too many routes to a place? They should cut down or limit access so as to make things easier for the cops?
Car parks were too near the cycle track and would encourage car crime
So we shouldn’t have car parks? We should put them further away from the cycle track?
The play area was too near housing and would fuel antisocial behaviour
It should be further away? So that the people who want to use it – residents, that is – have to walk even further with their children?
The cycle stores were not secure enough.
What do you suggest, oh wise ALO? Pod-mounted mini-guns?

I mean, I’m all for intelligent design to restrict opportunities for crime, but not at the expense of making things more difficult for law-abiding people.
A Nestlé spokesman said: “We have consulted extremely closely with City of York Council throughout and the current application is based on the planning brief, which was approved by the planning committee.

“We will continue to work closely with the planning department to agree any amendments which will be necessary to enable to application to move forward to committee.”
Translation: ‘Oh, god, not again…’

It does make me wonder just what other bizarre job roles lurk undiscovered within police rosters, though.

16 comments:

The Twisted Fire Stopper said...

One thing I am looking forward to, because of theses cuts, is that Emergency Service management are going to have to decide exactly what the ES role is. Is it social work, or crime prevention and detection. In the Fire Service, is it Community Champions, Young Offender liason officers, School Fitness coaches, or is it putting out fires, cutting people out of cars and rescuing cats? Oh, and in our case, also a bit of tea drinking, darts and sleeping! ;-)

Captain Haddock said...

I genuinely believe its high time that all Chief Constables or Chief Officers be compelled to attend a residential course .. dealing with the policing principles of Peel & nothing else ..

In particular what he had to say about the "Primary objects of an efficient Police" ..

Gnostic said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lynne said...

I intend to tranform my integral garage into a new kitchen next year. If I catch so much as one Shanks inspired bluebottle trying to FUBAR my planning application, just because it might offer an extra window for some yob to hurl a brick through, I will stick his truncheon so far up his escutcheon he'll be able to use it as a tongue scraper.

If coppers think that Shanks is the shit then I've got a different kind of shit busting Shanks I'd happily introduce them to - head first.

Rob said...

Meanwhile, on the other channel the police will be telling everyone crime is falling, that fear of crime is Daily Mail hysteria, etc etc.

But don't build a standard residential and commercial area because this will lead to an explosion in crime.

Someone's lying here somewhere

SadButMadLad said...

I thought that having through routes meant that you had people going doing the routes and so not making the routes ideal for criminals.

Cul-de-sacs are ideal for criminals since no one goes down them except the homeowners and so there isn't much traffic to disturb any criminal in the act. Yes, there is only one way out but criminals can also use gardens as escape routes too.

Most of the time such architectural liason officers (posh job title for person to whom planning applications are sent for rubber stamping) just ensure that the doors and windows have the proper locks according to BS-whatever.

Jiks said...

Non-job creates drama to make his meaningless activity look important.

I await similar high-pitched noises from the police 5-a-day co-ordinator about the lack of free fruit dispensers.

Nick2 said...

Yes, it's pretty bizarre & fairly Orwellian to have a Police Architect (but is it any more sinister than Police Psychiatrists?).

However, Officer Shanks has, in his objections highlighted the state of law enforcement in York. Also, he might intend that his objection/criticism would deter developers/purchasers from investing in the scheme. "Come live in Rowntrees Village - the development that can't be effectively policed".

I always wondered why many of the newer retail developments near me had only one access and exit point, even at the expense of ease of access. Maybe there are Police Architects in other forces too...

D-Rex said...

"which he said was already a crime hotspot!"

Which infers the police are too stupid/lazy/scared/incompetant/ to stop it being a crime hotspot.

It's the glib way they trot this rubbish out. As if this place being a crime hotspot is none of their business.

MTG said...

Once a clerk and gofer always a....oh...'Force Architectural Liaison Officer'.

Clause 2 of the Jobsworth's Charter clearly states that pay is inversely proportional to the distance the role is perceived to be from Board level.

Thus a vision clearance executive can earn 50% more than any plebeian window cleaner.

Anonymous said...

"There were too many footpaths and through roads, which could give alternative escape routes for criminals"

This ALO would love the Queens Hill estate on the outskirts of Norwich, which only has a single access road. The residents are complaining about long delays at peak periods, and concerns over emergency services access:

http://www.eveningnews24.co.uk/news/improvements_pledged_for_neglected_norwich_estate_1_682738

Anonymous said...

Or try this: http://tinyurl.com/2wp8e5v

blueknight said...

I am fairly sure this has come from the last Govt's Crime and Disorder Partnership....
it is a consultation which usually results in said Officer giving standard advice.

JuliaM said...

"...Emergency Service management are going to have to decide exactly what the ES role is. Is it social work, or crime prevention and detection."

Which brings them the most kudos with the top brass, allows for the most empire building, and is least likely to get them into trouble with the courts?

That'll be the decider...

"...I will stick his truncheon so far up his escutcheon he'll be able to use it as a tongue scraper."

:D

"Someone's lying here somewhere"

I'm beginning to think it's safest to assume everyone's lying, everywhere...

"...just ensure that the doors and windows have the proper locks according to BS-whatever."

Even that, I'd argue, is not a job for the police.

JuliaM said...

"I await similar high-pitched noises from the police 5-a-day co-ordinator about the lack of free fruit dispensers."

Would you be surprised to discover that such a thing existed? I wouldn't!

"Also, he might intend that his objection/criticism would deter developers/purchasers from investing in the scheme. "Come live in Rowntrees Village - the development that can't be effectively policed"."

He's also put out a call to the local villains too: 'Come burgle here! We can't be bothered to chase you if there's too many exits...'

"It's the glib way they trot this rubbish out. As if this place being a crime hotspot is none of their business."

When, in reality, it's a measure of their failure...

"This ALO would love the Queens Hill estate on the outskirts of Norwich, which only has a single access road. "

Perfect for everyone. Well, except the poor sods who have to LIVE there...

"...it is a consultation which usually results in said Officer giving standard advice."

The suggestion that they will raise objections at the planning meeting goes far, far beyond 'standard advice'.

Furor Teutonicus said...

“We will continue to work closely with the planning department to agree any amendments which will be necessary to enable to application to move forward to committee.”

Wrong answer arsehole.

Correct answer;

"Fuck you. We're off to Lancaster with our project".