Wow, Every Day’s ‘Dolmio Day’ In Greenwich, Then?

Desperate Greenwich youngsters are trafficking drugs for hardened criminals in exchange for little more than "a lasagne".

Who knew hardened criminals could cook such delicious Italian foodstuffs they make people commit crime?

Despite an overall 7.5 per cent drop in crime in the last year, the borough's Violent and Organised Crime Unit (VOCU) is becoming increasingly concerned about children being used as drug runners.

According to the unit's annual performance report, an increasing number of teenagers reported missing have been coming to police attention as drug traffickers for local gangs.

Because, being younger, the usually-lax-anyway criminal justice system just rolls over completely when confronted with ‘a juvenile’….

They go missing for days at a time and often return with new clothing or mobile phones.

Wait. Not a pizza? Not even a calzone? Mamma mia!

However, sometimes the rewards for running drugs are not so high.

The unit’s Detective Inspector Jonathan Mearns told News Shopper: "The pay and reward is now down to a lasagne - one of the kids I’ve spoken to said he’d done it for a lasagne.

"When the reward is so little, maybe they are receiving threats to do something they don’t want to, and are being forced."

Ah, I see. This is either one sole example of a very unstreetwise kid not aware that the labourer is worth his hire, or a kid who decided to see just how gullible the police could really be....

Which then somehow becomes representative of the rest (who certainly aren’t doing it for lasagnes) in the headline. Great reporting, there…

He added: "We help families to help the youths divert away from crime.

"When we identify someone we look to put in measures to support or divert, and enforce.

"We will knock on doors and parents will tell us they don’t know what to do and they ask us for help."

That’s fantastic, Officer, really, and I bet it looks great on your career history records, but it’s not what the police should be for, now, is it?