Sunday 24 March 2013

"Grrrrr! Woof, Woof! Whine.."*

* Translation: "Look, Sarge, they, errr. 'fell down the stairs in the custody unit'. Know what I mean?"
A police spokesman said: “Police dogs perform a vital role in policing and are highly trained to respond to a variety of situations including searching for offenders and missing people, recovering important evidence, disarming or detaining violent suspects and controlling hostile crowds.
You just know, when you see a comment that starts like this, a fuck-up of immense proportions has occurred  don't you?
“On two occasions, when off duty in Caistor St Edmund and four months later, whilst tracking a suspected burglar in Norton Subcourse, one of our police dogs instinctively used its training techniques when confronted with a sheep and cat respectively, regrettably resulting in their death.
Ummm, I think the point is it didn't 'use its training techniques'. Surely? Because isn't part of that training supposed to discourage it from this sort of behaviour?


A photo of police dog training, now suspected to originate with the Photoshop Rapid Response Unit...
“The dog, a two year old German Shepherd with a strong track record of achievement, was immediately removed from active duty and has been subject to three separate safety tests, which have all concluded that he poses no risk over and above any other police dog.”
That's ...ummmm... comforting. I think?
The spokesman said: “Officers liaised with the owners in each case and agreements made to offer compensation and make amends.“
No doggy IPCC to drum the brute out of the force then?

7 comments:

DJ said...

We're just lucky it wasn't a black sheep, or Di, Trev and the rest of the race hustling scumbags would be holding a vigil for him.

Mark In Mayenne said...

Photoshop rapid response unit. Ha! :)

Anonymous said...

"F**K up of immense proportions" seems a slightly over the top reaction.It's a dog for god's sake.People aren't perfect but you expect dogs to be 100% all the time.
Haven't you ever watched Tom and Jerry?
Jaded

The Jannie said...

"he poses no risk over and above any other police dog.”

Which is why - and I've seen such self-preservation in action - any rozzer other than its handler likes to keep some item of architecture between himself and mutts of this calibre.

Anonymous said...

Advice for anyone being chased by a Police dog. DO NOT, under any circumstances, crawl along a tunnel, climb over a 6' wall, or run along a seesaw. They train their dogs for that!
Penseivat

Anonymous said...

What about the flaming hoop?My favourite especially after a curry!

They are now being trained to catch burglars just wearing a little mask,a hooped jumper and carrying a bag marked SWAG.
Jaded

JuliaM said...

"We're just lucky it wasn't a black sheep, or Di, Trev and the rest of the race hustling scumbags would be holding a vigil for him."

SNORK!

"It's a dog for god's sake.People aren't perfect but you expect dogs to be 100% all the time."

We expect police dogs to be a bit better trained than Stabby McChav's slavering pitbull/alligator cross, surely?

"Advice for anyone being chased by a Police dog. DO NOT, under any circumstances, crawl along a tunnel, climb over a 6' wall, or run along a seesaw. They train their dogs for that!"

:D