Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Taking Out A Contract On 'The Little Gentleman In Black Velvet'...

Dog walker Barry Winyard, 67, was mortified when he saw a ranger with the lethal weapon in Langdon Hills Country Park, Basildon.

When he asked what was going on, the ranger explained the moles were causing a big problem there.
So, he wasn't as worried as he wants us to think he was on being confronted by - oh, horror! - a gun, since he strolled up to the deadly armed man to ask him what he was doing?

Still, he struggles on:
He said: “I saw the ranger with the shotgun. It was very disturbing.

“The park was open and there were dog walkers in there.

“What’s going on? For health and safety reasons alone it’s dangerous. What if a pellet hits a dog or even a child? ”
You think the ranger can't tell a mole from a dog or a child? Just who are they employing, Mr Magoo?
“It’s surely not right to just kill moles. I think it’s disgusting.”
Well, they've tried all the humane methods, and they haven't worked.

Still, at least no MPs have jumped on the bandwago...

Oh:
Animal rights campaigner and Basildon and East Thurrock MP Angela Smith was also shocked.

Mrs Smith, a former officer of the League Against Cruel Sports, member of the RSPCA and patron of the Captive Animal Protection Society, said: “This isn’t the most humane way of dealing with this.
Really? Can you tell us then, with your vast experience in animal control and firearms, what they should use? A howitzer? Controlled thermonuclear device?
“How do they know they are killing an animal and not just injuring it and leaving it to die?
Beats me. How do you know that all those fox shooters that your party preferred to foxhound packs aren't doing the same?
“Also it doesn’t seem sensible to have someone wandering around a park with a shotgun, especially during half-term.”
Oh, I don't know. It could come in quite handy...

12 comments:

Brian, follower of Deornoth said...

Since the ranger is a council employee, it is assuming rather too much that he knows which end the pellets come out of.

Macheath said...

Mr Winyard, do you drive a car? The roads are open and there are pedestrians there.

What's going on? For health and safety reasons alone it's dangerous. What if a car hits a dog or even a child?

And while we're about it, I'm puzzled by your use of 'mortified', implying that the appearance of the ranger either deeply humiliated you or turned you into a zombie.

Now that would be a story worth contacting your local paper about.

My Thoughts My Country said...

I think the ranger should watch the film Caddyshack with Bill Murrey, to give him a few ideas in how to control moles.

richard said...

an observation - the entire philosophy behind the mole's design is it's ability to avoid detection and harm by living under the fucking ground. so what use was a shotgun? how do the council deal with pigeons, throw fucking mole-traps in the air?

Rod said...

I remember Jasper Carrot had trouble with moles. Cannot remember the solution.

ranter said...

The cheeeeldren, could hurt the little cheeeldren. Ye Gods! Moles, cunning and destructive little bleeders, I know people who would call in a napalm strike if they could.

Macheath said...

Rod:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fePU5CIHpas

I've been thinking; “It’s surely not right to just kill moles. I think it’s disgusting.”
You're right, Mr Winyard, we shouldn't 'just kill them'; how about making some kind of ceremony out of it?

KenS said...

“It’s surely not right to just kill moles.”

I read that to mean that Mr Winyard felt they should be tortured first....

JuliaM said...

"Since the ranger is a council employee, it is assuming rather too much that he knows which end the pellets come out of."

I'm hoping he's a contractee, rather than someone from the bins given a shotgun..!

"And while we're about it, I'm puzzled by your use of 'mortified'..."

I did wonder about that. It could have been the reporter paraphrasing incorrectly.

Mind you, have just read a 'CiF' article which contained this howler: "With credit to the government, this bill does show they have realised the affect on young people of a lack of sex and relationship education in schools..."

So I'm guessing it's just the general decline in literacy.

"I think the ranger should watch the film Caddyshack with Bill Murrey, to give him a few ideas in how to control moles."

Heh, indeed!

"...so what use was a shotgun?"

I think the idea is that you get them when they are above ground, pushing the spoil out of their burrow. So, as you are shooting downwards, into soft earth, even less potential hazard..?

JuliaM said...

"You're right, Mr Winyard, we shouldn't 'just kill them'; how about making some kind of ceremony out of it?"

A giant wicker mole..? ;)

Macheath said...

A giant wicker mole..?

Like it!

Columnist Patrick Campbell wrote a brilliant piece inspired by a postmark - 'Shipped through Newport, Home of the Mole Wrench' - in which he pictured the arcane Druidic ceremony of Wrenching the Mole, held on a Welsh slag heap at the dead of night.

'Bring a mole; we're wrenching tonight, boyo!'

Fat Hen said...

http://www.rivertext.com/mole.shtml

enjoy... ;-D