Thursday, 25 April 2019

It's About As Effective As The Real Thing...


The new bobby, named PC Morrie by staff, arrived yesterday and now stands guard in the window of the supermarket in St James’s Street, Brighton.
Helena Sherriff, duty manager at the shop, said: “I’ve been on holiday for a few days and he suddenly turned up this morning.
“He’ll be here for the foreseeable future, acting as a deterrent for antisocial behaviour and shoplifting.”
Probably is, too. Better than the real thing, even...

Wednesday, 24 April 2019

So Close To A Darwin Award....

...but sadly, she's already reproduced:
Mum-of-two Zoe Louise Sarjeant, 27, of Daisy Fields, in Thornton, fractured her neck in the high speed crash and died at the scene.
She did not have a driving licence, was not wearing a seatbelt and was over the drink-drive limit when she took off in an Audi A4 after spending the night and early hours of the morning drinking at her home with friends.
Bring on the chavshrine!
Many have paid tribute on social media, as well as placing flowers and notes at the scene. Some even etched messages into the tree itself.
Of course! How better to memorialise this waste of oxygen than by vandalising a living thing?
One friend posted an emotional tribute on Facebook.
Remember when 'tributes' were for people deserving of them?
She said: “It just hasn’t sunk in yet from finding out yesterday that one of my closest friends had passed away.
“Zoe you had everything ahead of you you didn’t deserve any of this at all. Just showed you need to live your life to the max.”
How'd that work out, love?
“It’s left both of your babies without their mum, who was an amazing role model and did everything she possibly could to give them a happy life.”
Except 'stick around'...

Hey, There's This Thing Called 'Investigation'...

...you'd be surprised how well it works!
At around 12pm on Tuesday 16th of April an off-the-leash dog, reportedly a Dalmatian, was seen attacking another dog in Tilgate Park.
The owner of Ollie, the dog being attacked, had to intervene and physically drag the Dalmatian off.
According to the owner the lady in charge of the Dalmatian allegedly did nothing but shout its name.
They never do.
She then apparently said: ‘I’m a professional dog walker, I know what I’m doing’ before walking off with the aggressive dog still off the leash.
/facepalm

And of course, the police were their usual professional selves:
The police were notified but as there was no information on who the lady was, no further action could be taken.
Really?
A Facebook appeal for information was started by Tilgate Councillor Francis Guidera the following morning and someone has already come forward with information which may be very helpful and will be passed on to the police.
Gosh. If only the police had tried that new-fangled concept of 'asking the public', eh?

Tuesday, 23 April 2019

Gangsta School...

A teenage thug who stamped on the head of a schoolboy in a classroom has been told to...
Leave and report immediately to Borstal?
...address his issues.
Oh.
The 14-year-old appeared at Basildon Youth Court yesterday after taking part in a gang attack on a train before the incident at school.
The boy, who lives in the Southend borough but cannot be identified for legal reasons, admitted two counts of assault following incidents on September 7 and January 22.
Not an isolated incident, then? It never is, is it?
Stuart Cowen, prosecuting, said the incident in the classroom saw him force a pupil to the floor and begin kicking him.
Mr Cowen said: “He began kicking him and could be heard shouting ‘if you chat **** about me, you get banged’ whilst the victim was holding up his arms trying to block him.
“He then lifted his foot and with considerable force slammed it down onto his face.
“A teacher managed to get a hold of him and take him to the far corner where he continued to shout ‘he chatted **** about me, he’s gonna get banged’.
Note, this is Essex. Not Compton, LA.
Lorna McLeod, mitigating, told the court the 14-year-old was with a carer and had been improving.
Christ! What was he like before?!?
“He is very remorseful.”
*rolls eyes*
Elizabeth Hunter, chairman of the bench, said the assaults were “nasty incidents” and handed the boy a six month referral order, meaning he must see a panel to help him not re-offend again.
The only surprise here is that Lenient Leigh wasn't involved...

When Your Bullshit Story On Behalf Of Your Client Is Destroyed In Open Court...

Elizabeth Aisbill, mitigating on behalf of Beasley, said he was extremely apologetic. He had been burgled two months ago and believed he was suffering from post traumatic stress disorder, and had the dog as company.
Blah, blah, blah. Do they ever get tired of trotting out this nonsense?
She said: "He is a heroin user. He gets through £40 of heroin on a daily basis. He is receiving help from the North East Council on Addictions."
However probation officers said Beasley had missed a number of his NECA appointments and he wasn't as far along with rehab as they hoped.
Heh! I believe the kiddies say 'PWND!', Ms Aisbill...
Beasley admitted having a dangerously out of control dog, possessing a knife and possessing amphetamine.
I thought he used heroin?
Magistrates handed him a 16-week prison sentence, suspended for 18 months, ordered him to pay £85 costs, a £115 victim surcharge and £150 compensation. They ordered that both the knife and drugs were destroyed and banned him from owning a dog for three years.
*sigh* Hopefully they at least destroyed the dog, too..?
The Crown Prosecution service applied for an order to destroy the dog but magistrates refused as the dog's owner was not present.
WTAF?

Monday, 22 April 2019

Sure, I Believe Him...

In July 2018, the company MaryGold Hfd Ltd was dissolved. And as a consequence the premises licence lapsed.
However, Mr Deen believed the premises licence still applied to the new company which was now trading at the site.
Of course he did. It makes perfect sense that a brand new company would be subject to everything the old company had.

I mean, if no-one told him th...

Oh, wait!
Sergeant Duncan Reynolds said: “...the authority wrote to the main licence holder and the premises in January pointing out the situation and encouraging them to apply for a new licence.
“It is clear that the advice was ignored and the premises continued to operate outside of the law,” he said.
“As a consequence, the police visited the premises on two occasions.
“On both occasions the premises was open with customers with alcohol being sold or supplied.”
Whoops! Caught bang to rights!
Mr Deen, who was the designated premises supervisor, said it was not his intention to sell alcohol without a licence.
“The first time I ever heard about this was when I spoke to a police officer over the phone,” he said.
He said he stopped serving as soon as he was informed by the police over the phone.
Errr, No. No, you didn't. You'd have to be a moron to sw..

Oh.
Herefordshire Council’s licensing sub-committee granted the licence for the sale and supply of alcohol for consumption at the premises seven days a week from 10am until 11.30pm.
/facepalm

H/T: Fahrenheit211 via Gab

Hunted, Harried, Chased To Exhaustion...

...there should be a law against it!

It all started with a Tweet...


Where's our Royal-warranted animal protection charity, then? Gone to ground?


Tally ho! *blows horn*


Don't you feel any sympathy for the poor quarry, desperate to escape?


One by one, the earths are stopped...

And finally, the prey is brought to bay, panting, exhausted, bloodied. It's such a terribly cruel sport, isn't it? 

Sunday, 21 April 2019

Happy Easter Sunday...


...however you choose to celebrate it.

Normal Bank Holiday service will resume tomorrow.

Saturday, 20 April 2019

What About The Harvey's Extreme Hardship? Doesn't That Count?

A lorry driver who was watching a TV programme while driving has been found guilty of killing a woman in a crash.
Viorel Sandulache, 26, hit 21-year-old Abigail Harvey's Audi on the Dartford Crossing in Kent on 3 November 2017.
He had admitted "listening to" a TV series on his phone, but the judge said she was sure he was watching it.
At last, a judge with common sense. There hasn't been a lot of those in Viorel's past...
Jurors heard he had twice been caught using his phone while driving and had 12 penalty points on his licence before the crash.
He had been allowed by magistrates to continue driving due to extreme hardship.
Christ! What about the 'extreme hardship' of his bloody victims, you morons?
In a victim impact statement read to court her mother, Amanda Harvey, said: "Our lives have been brutally and senselessly changed for ever.
"One of my children has been stolen. All I have to hold now is the wooden box containing her ashes."
The court heard her organs were donated, because that is what she would have wanted.
Her father Laurence Harvey said: "It's a dad's job to save her from harm, and everything which could harm her.
"I feel as though I've failed her."
You didn't. The justice system did.

It'll Never Stop While You Indulge It...

An infant school has employed someone to change nappies because so many pupils are not toilet-trained, a councillor has said.
Chris Towe, Walsall Council's portfolio holder for education, said: "We are talking about five-year-olds here and it is not acceptable."
But it clearly is, or you'd say 'Nope! We aren't accepting this child. Bring it back when you've raised it to behave as a human being, not an animal'.

If you simply hire extra staff to do the job these lazy 'parents' don't do, then YOU are enabling it.
Head teachers had also raised concerns that school starters could not use cutlery or dress themselves. Mr Towe told the BBC he had spoken to the heads of 80 infant and primary schools and found the lack of basic skills to be a "massive issue".
"I was quite shocked really," he said. "If they haven't got basic skills, how can they be educated?"
They probably can't. It's clear their parents weren't, either.
"This cannot go on. If it doesn't stop it is going to get even worse."
I struggle to see how it possibly could...
The council plans to send letters informing parents of the skills children need and where they can get help.
*blinks*

Excuse me?
Diane Coughlan, a Labour councillor, said the borough had a lot of vulnerable families with a range of issues.
She said: "For many parents, school readiness is simply not a priority for them so apart from simply sending a letter what other support will they be given?"
They should have the children removed, and their benefits also, and a short - or long - stay in a workhouse. How about that?