That's Impressive, 'Mail' Webmonkeys...

A grammar error and spelling the name of one of the subjects wrong!

Yes, Yes, That's Usually The Cause...

...isn't it?

H/T: wiggia via email

Sunday Funnies...

Because someone will always go one better...

Learning Every Lesson Except The Most Important One...

...self control:

We all know how social media can be distracting. You pop on to Facebook for ‘five minutes’ and before you know it an hour has passed.

So Andreea-Denisa Ciubotaru, 16, from Barking, got her headteacher at Eastlea Community School in Canning Town, to lock her phone away for a month so she could revise for her GCSEs without being tempted.

As a result her predicted grades have shot up from Cs plus to As.

She knows how distracting it can be, she knows she should concentrate. So why doesn't she know that handing that decision over to someone else is the wrong thing to do?

She said: “Everyone knows how addictive your phone can be. I have told all my friends to do it.

“If I had tried to keep the phone at home I know I would have pestered my mum to give it to me so it had to be somewhere I knew I couldn’t get it.”

Another millennial prepares to enter the world of work with no ability to exercise the most basic of human traits. It doesn't bode well, does it?

The Great British Justice System: Keeping Death On The Road...

A man was given a fresh chance for being caught at the wheel of a car four months after being banned.

Majid Hussain, 35, was spotted in a damaged BMW as he pulled onto Colwick Road in Sneinton, a court heard. Police followed it on the Racecourse Island onto Daleside Road and across the Lady Bay Bridge, said Lucky Thandi, prosecuting.

"Three vehicles were involved in the pursuit, illuminated emergency lights and made a tactical stop," she told Nottingham Crown Court.

Yes, the sort of thing you'll have seen on those fly on the wall cop shows, manoeuvres that the police only do in desperation.

She told the court that Hussain had 25 previous offences on his record. In December, he was given a six-month suspended prison sentence for dangerous driving. He was also banned from driving at the time.

That worked well, didn't it? And with a record like that, why on earth should he get a suspended?

Chris Brewin, mitigating, said Hussain has been making good progress in dealing with medical problems.

Being a law-breaking shithead isn't a medical condition. Or is it, now? I can't keep up!

Experts felt that a prison term could hamper that process.

Ah, 'experts'....

"He had a fairly calamitous breakdown a couple of years ago and lost his family and business. He is building himself back up," added Mr Brewin on behalf of Hussain who lives in Lancaster Road, Bakersfield.

By refusing to comply with the terms our toothless legal system imposes?

Judge Steven Coupland imposed a four-month prison sentence, suspended for 18 months, for driving while disqualified on March 7. Hussain pleaded guilty.

He told Hussain: "This is a last chance. Don't let me down. If you do, then prison lies at the end of the road."

Just how many 'last chances' has he had?

The judge ordered Hussain to attend a probation course to improve his "thinking skills."

The legal system needs to send its own people on these.

Nature, Red In .... Beak And Claw?

Crows left a toddler dripping with blood when they swooped on him in his buggy. The two-year-old boy was out with his mother in Wish Road, Hove, when three of the black birds pecked him in an unprovoked attack.

Hmmm, unprovoked? 

Resident Helen Laguea carried out first aid on the boy after her father, David Husbands, witnessed the horror as he walked through the street.

 'The horror'...

“The woman couldn’t believe how aggressive the birds were. She said there were three of them.

“Blood was coming from his head and he was crying as his mum examined him.

“I nipped back to my daughter’s house opposite to get some antiseptic wipes and she sat on the doorstep to clean him up.

“After five or ten minutes they went on their way.

“As they left, one of the crows brazenly flew down and perched on a nearby post.”

It's picking its next victim! But seriously, is there no clue to this sort of behaviour?

Mrs Laguea, 39, said the aggressive crows, who are nesting in a tree next to Wish Park, began harassing a dog walker shortly after attacking the boy.

Ah. There we go. 

The man, she said, had to “furiously swing a bag of poo” to make them go away.

 I...

I just...

*collapses laughing*

Another Perfect Storm...

Two cyclists needed hospital treatment after a police car answering a 999 call knocked them off their bike on Friday.

The unit was answering an emergency call at the time, using blue lights and sirens. The bicycle was not a tandem.

If that seems an odd thing to add, well, there's actually good reason.

Not that the local rag elaborates, of course. That's left to the commenters:

So who's at fault?

The matter has been advised to the Independent Office for Police Conduct.

Ah. Of course. Couldn't possibly have been the cyclist!

Another Shaggy Dog Story!

The owner of a wolf-dog living in Worcester has claimed the animal was stolen and taken to Aberystwyth in Wales.

The man, who asked to remain anonymous, had been living in Grosvenor Walk, St John’s. The 33-year-old said two women had cut a hole in the fence and stole seven year old Koda, whose name in Native American means ‘friend’, from the garden on Thursday, May 17.

Just another tale of dog theft? Well, not quite:

The pooch was due to be rehomed on Saturday, May 19.

Hmmm...

He said: “We never got to say goodbye to the dog because someone stole him. “I have had him for seven years, since he was a baby. He slept in my bed.”

The man, who has two young children, said he had tried to rehome the pooch, which is thought to be a mixture of wolf and Husky, when his schedule as a builder became too much.

The mystery deepens!

Previously, residents living nearby the property had voiced concerns for the dog, which they said had been “howling day and night”.

Officers from St John’s and Bedwardine Safer Neighbourhood Team and the RSPCA visited the address to assess the animal.

Police Sergeant Carl Jones said: “West Mercia Police are aware of this incident and have investigated the removal of the dog.”

Note: not the theft of the dog.

The dog has since been rehomed.

Speaking previously, an RSPCA spokesman said: “We are aware of this and have been liaising with the police and the local authority to resolve the situation.”

It appears you've been thwarted by someone, doesn't it?

"For the things people care about, they are not interested.."

Bella restaurant owner Lak Stavrou said it has reached the stage where there is “no point” in calling the police.

He said: “It seems like they are too scared to do anything about it.”

That's ridiculous, Mr Stavrou.

They are too lazy, incompetent or thick. Not scared.

“There are people shouting in the streets, there are aggressive beggars. We need police officers going up and down the street on Friday and Saturday nights.

“There is no reason why there shouldn’t be a police presence, it would really help.”

Clearly, the police feel there is a reason. Perhaps they just don't feel like it?

Some business owners described how drug use around St James’s Street is blatant, while residents reported waking up to find needles, urine and faeces on their doorstep. One resident said: “We get an awful lot of people using the alleyways as a toilet.”

There were complaints that there is often a regular smell of cannabis in the area.

You won't need to walk too far down Southend High Street before you smell cannabis. I often do. And that's in broad daylight!

It's a mystery to me that the police seem unable to detect it.

A member of the community action group reported seeing a live drug deal taking place near her home, but said that officers were always too slow to respond to actually catch dealers.

They argued that if there were more officers out on patrol, they would catch more criminals in the act.

Not if they are like the teeny tiny police officer I saw a while ago, who barely came up to my chin even with her hat on!

Deputy Chief Constable Bernie O’Reilly said: “We have had plain clothes officers stopping and searching people along with uniform patrols, so we are taking action where we can.

“Our officers attended the meeting, and have been speaking with business owners to reassure people that we are out and about.”

They don't seem reassured to me. I wonder why?

Why Should They Listen, When There Are So Few Consequences?

Megan Palmer, 27, and her husband James were trying for their second child but their plans were interrupted following the medical error at Rochford Medical Practice.

What sort?

Megan visited the practice for a vitamin B12 injection, which helps improve fertility.

Instead she was given Depo-Provera, a powerful birth control shot - despite querying the packaging with the nurse.

/facepalm

The subsequent anxiety as to whether she would ever conceive again led to Megan developing a psychological disorder, which was diagnosed by a consultant psychiatrist.

*sceptical face*

The Palmers decided to make a claim for medical negligence against Rochford Medical Practice and won their case. Megan was subsequently awarded £5,500 in compensation.

Is that all?

She added: “We decided we would make a claim because we felt it was important to show how vital it is that nurses listen to their patients.”

Unless the nurse has to pay it directly out of her own pocket, the chances of that happening are vanishingly small.