It's Turtles All The Way Down!

Britannia Enterprises, which ran a number of cafes in Norwich, has collapsed into liquidation owing £629,739.

Hmmm, I wonder if 'Brexit' will be to blame...?

Businesswoman Davina Tanner MBE, has now appointed liquidators Stewart Bennett to wind down the company, owing a total of £629,739.

The greatest amount owed is to Brand Strategy Partners, a management consultancy and financial management practice.

They seem as good at financial management as she is at business. And with good reason!

 This firm is reportedly owed £94,722 and is also owned by Ms Tanner.

Oooh!

A community interest company is a business run as a social enterprise, which aims to use its profits and assets for the public good.

That's a very strange definition of the term, isn't it?

H/T: Dave Ward via email.

I Thought Lawyers Were Good At Latin...?

Like 'in vino, veritas':

Mandeep Sehmi, defending, said: 'He lives at an address with his partner of three-and-a-half-years and their child who is 15 weeks old.

'He is looking at his liberty being taken away, and he also has another child aged 12.

'He was intoxicated at the time of the offence. If he had been sober he wouldn't have acted in such a manner.'

Wha...?

Sweetie, I know you're paid to parrot whatever the accused claims, no matter how unlikely, but seriously..? 

'He is extremely ashamed and sorry for this offence.'

Which is why he handed himself in to the police the moment he sobered up and saw the publicity, right? Oh no, he didn't. Of course. His kind never do, do they? 

'His family have received various threats including death threats and threats against both of his children.

'His family will have to deal with such repercussions alone without support. He is on Universal Credit and is in receipt of no other income.'

If the chat on social media about his traveller background is correct, then that's almost certainly a lie too...

Jailing him at Walsall Magistrates' Court, chair of the bench Brian Benton said: 'This court is restricted to a maximum sentence of 26 weeks. However, due to your early guilty plea you are entitled to a reduction of one third.

'The sentence this court will pass is one of 18 weeks. We are imposing a disqualification on you keeping an animal for life.'

Won't make a blind bit of difference unless you also impose it on this sewer rat's family, who will simply claim to be the owner should he be caught with another lurcher.

And no news report that I've read on this gives the fate of the dog in question. Is it too much to hope the cops that arrested him shot it in front of him and his twisted 'family'..?

The Wisdom Of Fashionistas...

PR guru Lynne Franks, 71 on the news that Harvey Nicholls will still stock real fur:

'Consumer trends are going to go more into natural clothes, natural fibers, as people become more aware of what's going on in the world.

'That trend is going to increase and that includes money to spend.

'I think Harvey Nichols will actually alienate a lot of their potential customers by selling fur. It's not the way the market is going, it's not the way the trends are going.'

What, exactly, does she think fur is, if not a natural, biodegradable, sustainable resource?

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes...

Graeme “Taff” Williams...was a long-standing “sudden death co-ordinator” in east London, helping to catalogue belongings and find family members of deceased residents.

He continued in the role as a volunteer after his retirement.

And maybe that's when alarm bells should have started ringing....

Williams, whom police bosses “trusted implicitly”, stands accused of stealing cash from two estates, and taking expensive furniture, electrical goods and artwork from a third home when the grieving family believed it was heading to a homeless charity.

Hmmm. So when they aren't ordering porn on your TV, they are eyeing up the TV itself!

Williams, of Borehamwood, Hertfordshire, denies three charges of theft and one of fraud. The trial continues.

Definitely one to watch!

Intestinal Fortitude...

I wonder what 'this' is?

The death of a loved one? Being told you have incurable cancer? Losing your life savings?

Oh....

Having called the takeaway to complain, Miss Baxter said she was "disgusted" by the response. "I rang and there was just no remorse, no apology. He said to me three times 'come back and I'll make you another curry', but that wasn't the point.

"The whole experience was completely devastating and I was in tears all night. My 12-year-old daughter's not a vegetarian but was so upset she didn't eat her own dinner."

Good grief! Snowflake mother, snowflake daughter!

Responding to Miss Baxter's claims, Rakib Imam from Melton Spice said: "Someone called to say they had chicken in their vegetarian curry and we have refunded them.

"If there is a mistake, we have to see the curry first and then we can investigate what has happened. The lady said it had chicken in it, but refused to bring it back to us."

I wonder why..?

H/T: Dave Ward via email

Fatal Attraction...

Janet D'Aleo died Wednesday after being rushed to Baystate Medical Center. The dog lived at 584 Thrall Avenue, which is the home of former state Rep. Annie Hornish, an animal rights activist.

D'Aleo had been visiting Hornish's mother, Agnes Wosko, when the pit bull attacked her, causing "substantial and severe injuries," Chief Richard Brown said.

What is it with these creatures, that people still think they can be rehabilitated?

Hornish has now been quoted as blaming her mother's home health aid who struck the dog with a metal stool after the dog jumped on D'Aleo, who uses a walker.

"It seems as if the dog got excited and it was overexuberant," Hornish said. "[The dog] jumped on a friend with a walker and she fell backward and we believe that's what killed her."

Luckily, the coroner isn't fooled.

By Friday evening, it was reported that the medical examiner's office determined the 95-year old's death was caused by the dog bite.

Were there no other warning signs (as if 'being a pit bull' wasn't enough)?

Dexter had six different owners by the age of 4 when he reaches Hornish.

QED, I think!

H/T: DogsBiteOrg via Twitter

Chief Amongst Them Being Their Parentage...

Philip Tully, defending, said his client's benefits were reduced and she was "struggling to make ends meet and provide for her five children".

He said some of Rooney's children had difficulties and she "experienced a very difficult childhood and was a victim of crime herself".

Victim, perpetrator, what's the difference, eh, Phil?

Judge Murray told Rooney: "You committed very serious offences and caused misery to a number of elderly and vulnerable people.

"You've got a terrible record and for these offences, immediate imprisonment is richly deserved."

Yeah. There's a 'But...' coming. You knew that, right?

"On the other hand, you're a single parent with responsibility for five children and you've been out of trouble for six years.

"The author of the pre-sentence report says you're a good prospect for rehabilitation. At this stage, I'm just not sure about that."

But you're going to take the chance anyway. It's unlikely to be your elderly relatives targeted, after all.

I doubt they live in the sort of areas preyed on by this useless waste of oxygen, after all...

"Although you've been out of trouble for six years, this was a three-month period of planned and sustained activity, targeting vulnerable people."

The judge said in order to contemplate sparing Rooney jail, he needed more evidence, so deferred passing sentence.

If you don't already have enough, I'm not sure what more would help...

H/T: SmallThunderdog via Twitter

Oh, Really...?

Cllr Patel, who is Muslim, said: "I think he needs to be extremely careful with the words he uses on any platform within social media.

"It was absolutely abhorrent and does not reflect what most people in the country believe."

Gosh! What on earth did he say that was so controversial that a politician hundreds of miles away felt this?

Cllr Patel (@maspatel01) posted: "WoW: Johnson destroyed on BBC Question Time by hijab-wearing Politics teacher!

"'Why do we have a Prime Minister who gets away with inciting hate...who goes against our British values?'"

The Twitter account for the bar and restaurant, Spoken, in Exmouth, (@spokenexmouth) responded: "Want that then go to the Middle East!! Want to live in Britain then accept Britain for what it is!"

Cllr Patel posted in reply: "Want what exactly? And why should she or anyone 'go to the Middle east?'. Do you have a problem with people who dress differently?

"Come on let the hate flood out! You know you want to..."

Spoken responded: "It's not hate, it's not racism. British culture is the same as (say) Indian culture and each should be respected. What 'we' white British rather than immigrants, whether first or fifth generation think is that British culture is first in Britain."

Spoken continued: "Total opposite of a racist just putting a view across. Maybe one day what you think (of) as racists will be a minority that you'll defend (laughing emoji)"

Yes. Clearly, most people in this country won't agree. Or....will they?

Sob Stories...

The couple’s ordeal began last year when Roxanne suffered from serious post-natal depression and other mental health issues following the birth of her youngest child, Aimee.

Roxanne and Craig lived in Cornwall, where Craig worked long hours as a chef.

Roxanne’s illness meant he kept having to take time off work to care for her and his children, and so he lost his job, and the couple fell into rent arrears on their council house in Camborne.

They were eventually evicted by Cornwall Council on May 1 this year, and have not had a permanent home since.

Hmmm, sure, it can happen to anyone. Right?

Craig met Roxanne, started a family and his mum Lou was a huge help as the couple - at that point - had three children, Catelynn, Freddie and Harry.

Freddie, particularly, needed more help - he has a range of special needs, including cerebral palsy, and has to have his legs rubbed vigorously after any exercise.

But three years ago, Lou ‘retired’ back to her native South Bristol, moving into an over-55s flat in Stockwood, and when Aimee arrived last year, Craig and Roxanne struggled on their own.

Wait, so a chef and his partner unable to support the existing children decide to have another? Despite the fact one child already has issues?

What did they think would happen?

Cornwall Council told them their efforts to find them a home had failed, and hit them with another bombshell.

“They told us we had made ourselves intentionally homeless, because we left the day before the bailiffs came,” Roxanne said, as she fought back the tears.

“They told us that there was nothing more they could do, and we would have to find our own privately rented accommodation, and pay for it with our housing benefit.

“I spent weeks searching for somewhere to live. It was impossible. We didn’t have a guarantor. There is absolutely nowhere in Cornwall that will take a family of six on benefits in private rented accommodation,” she said.

You can't blame them. Landlords want people who have some common sense and sense of personal responsibility. It's patently clear you lack either...

This Is Why Local Newspaper Comments Should Always Be Open....

Because they can find the humour in even the most depressing news:

Foul tenants are throwing used sanitary towels from their tower block home windows, it is claimed.

The issue has forced angry tenants to put up a notice in a communal area of the Malvern flats, Malvern, Southend.

The notice, seen by the Echo, states: “To whoever keeps throwing dirty sanitary towels out of their window please stop.

“Thank you in advance, all Malvern residents.”

Take it away, 'Echo' commentariat!

/applause