Sorry, Mrs Moy, But 'Stronger Legislation' Won't Make A Blind Bit Of Difference...

After Mrs Moy’s wound had been dressed, she contacted police to report the dog attack.

Officers discovered the animal had escaped from a nearby house and had warned the owners to keep it under control.

 That's it? That's all..?

But Mrs Moy believes tougher action should have been taken.

“This dog was very strong and vicious,” she said. “What if it attacks a child next time it gets out on to the street?

“I really think there should be stronger legislation, so that dogs which have proved themselves to be dangerous should be taken away from their owners.”

Yeah, that'd be nice, wouldn't it? But all the evidence seems to say it ain't gonna happen until the relevant authorities have to bear the consequences of inaction, and not the public.

Post Title Of The Month

Well, I defy anyone to top David's offering:

Quote Of The Month

DumbJon nails the modern Tory Party:

"Yep, the Tory face cards all claim to abhor Big Government but they really do think the man in the street is a knuckle-dragging moron who needs to be watched like a hawk. Strangely however, it always turns out to be members of Cast Iron Dave's Nu Elite who get caught coming out with deranged anti-Semitic conspiracy theories."

Post Of The Month

Battsby gives us all a maths lesson...

Gosh, My Tiny Violin’s Getting A Good Workout Lately…

A Midland prison has been criticised for taking 50 MINUTES to call in medics after two brutal inmates strangled a child killer in his cell.

Oh dear, the tears, I can’t see the screen…

The report also revealed that the two killers, who were already serving life sentences for murders committed in the 1980s and 1990s, had both taken hostages during earlier, but separate, prison sieges in 2007 and 2011.

The report, from the Prisons and Probation Ombudsman, added that the pair were only moved onto the vulnerable prisoner wing because they owed prison drug debts.

*chuckles*

Avon & Somerset Police: “Urban Legend? What’s That?”

Dangling from telephone wires, shoes can be found suspended by their laces above terraced roads everywhere from St George to St Andrew's. To some, they are simply an eyesore.

But for police there is a more sinister explanation for their presence – they believe they reveal the locations where illegal drugs can be bought. Officers have now hired a cherry picker to remove shoes hanging from wires in St Paul's and St Werburgh's.

Remember, police are whinging constantly about ‘terrible Toreee cutz’. Bear this in mind, always…

In a post on the Avon & Somerset police website, PC Simon Humphrey, neighbourhood beat manager for Montpelier and St Werburgh's, said officers had been helping "keep the community safe" by working with Brandon Hire to "remove shoes and trainers from telephone wires that indicate the areas where you can buy illegal drugs".

Now, I've never heard of this one. So I did what any normal person would do – I went to Snopes, and discovered, in about 20 seconds, that it was unmitigated bullshit.

Not that the cops are aware of this, though I suspect smarter ones than PC Humphrey have an inkling:

Paul Bunt, Avon & Somerset police's drugs strategy manager, said shoes are found on wires in Bristol for a wide variety of reasons.

He said: "There's nothing to say that if you see them there is drug dealing going on, but that's not to say it isn't."

*chuckles* If you say so, Paul…

Maggie Telfer, chief executive of the Bristol Drugs Project, dismissed the practise of using shoes hanging from wires as a means of attracting drug users.

She said: "It's a bit of an urban myth and more of an American thing. Anyone seeking to buy substances on a regular basis wouldn't need a pair of trainers on a telephone wire to know where to go. If they are using substances, they will go to friends or people they know. We are not going to have people walking the streets looking for pairs of shoes.

"We haven't been made aware of police removing shoes."

You have now. I bet it gave you a few laughs.

Until you realise you’re paying the salaries of morons.

Post Title Of The Month - Special UKIP Edition

John Galt at 'Counting Cats...' nails it:

Quote Of The Month - Special UKIP Edition

From Tim Worstall:                                                      

"You only need a little bit of variance around those sorts of levels at a GE to win at least some of those Labour northern strongholds. That’s rather ore of a game changer than the Clacton win really."

Post Of The Month - Special UKIP Edition

It's been awhile since we had a special, so, to commemorate UKIP's success & the Lab/Lib/Con's discomfiture, here's one.

Take it away, MacHeath! And apologies for the resultant earworm... ;)

And What ‘Local Connection’ Did You Have To England In 1998?

A single mother-of-five who was made homeless after resisting Westminster Council’s attempt to move the family 50 miles from the capital is applying to the Supreme Court to review her case.

Why not? We’re no doubt paying her court costs…

The family came to Britain from the Democratic Republic of Congo in 1998 and claimed asylum. Ms Nzolameso now has British citizenship. She separated from her children’s father in 2007 but they still have contact with him, although this too would be harder if they moved to Milton Keynes

I wonder if he’s supporting the children, or if we are?

If she were to leave the capital, Ms Nzolameso is also concerned about losing the network of friends that support her and help out when she is unwell. She suffers from depression, diabetes and high blood pressure (Ed: This article’s doing nothing for my blood pressure…).

So I guess she’s not working and we’re paying for her dole too?

“It’s wrong what they’re doing,” Ms Nzolameso said. “London is our home and my children don’t want to move to Milton Keynes. It would disrupt their education.”

“It would either mean a two-hour commute to get my children to school in Westminster, or they would need to be uprooted to new schools in Milton Keynes, an area I have no local connection to whatsoever. ”

You presumably had ‘no connection’ to the UK back in 1998, but you somehow managed, eh?

In fact, you seem to have done pretty well for yourself! I rather doubt the benefits are so generous back in the DRC…

Rejecting the case last Wednesday, Justice Moore-Bick said: “I accept that the court should be astute to ensure that local housing authorities...do not merely apply policies which lead to accommodation being provided outside their own districts in a routine and unthinking manner. On the other hand, many authorities, of which Westminster is one, are under great pressure to discharge their statutory obligations and should not be prevented from making sensible use in an orderly way of the housing stock available to them, whether within or outside their own districts.”

So suck it up, Ms Nzolameso, and either move to Milton Keynes to alleviate the pressure on the public purse, or take yourself, your ailments and your sulky-faced brood back to the DRC.

For us long-suffering taxpayers, it’ll be win/win no matter what…

Hold The Front Page, We’ve Found The New Rosa Parks!

A tattoo shop worker has launched a campaign to counter discrimination against people who display their tattoos after being refused entry to a nightclub.

Oh, for…!

Miss Lane added: "When people see my tattoos the reaction is that they are interested in them.

"One in five people have tattoos, it's getting more socially acceptable, so it's wrong to stereotype people who have them as thugs."

It’s entirely up to the owner who he lets in – if he says ‘No tattoos’, that’s it. You ain’t comin’ in!

The club is owned by Northallerton businessman George Crow, who was unavailable for comment. An employee confirmed the club's policy that tattoos cannot be on show in the venue.

He added: "I believe it is the owner's preference."

Mine too. A few discreetly-covered tattoos are find, but the sort of extravagant display that men (and increasingly, women) go in for these days is too much.

And as Longrider points out:

"...is discriminating against tats a breach of human rights, which is the undercurrent of the BBC piece? Oh, do me a favour, please. No one is born with tats or piercings. They are a choice and as with all choices there are other factors to consider. If you get your body inked that’s up to you, but be prepared to accept that not everyone will like it and if that someone is an employer, well, you did it to yourself and you have no one else to blame. You may love your tats. That doesn’t and shouldn’t give you carte blanche to force others to accept them on their premises or to employ you, for that is their choice. No one has a right to a job."

Spot on!

Something’s Missing…

A successful Christian school has been warned it is to be downgraded by inspectors and could even face closure after failing to invite a leader from another religion, such as an imam, to lead assemblies, it is claimed.

Umm, what?

The small independent school in the Home Counties was told it is in breach of new rules intended to promote “British values” such as individual liberty and tolerance in the wake of the Trojan Horse scandal, involving infiltration by hard-line Muslim groups in Birmingham.

Ah, right. So, once again, collective punishment ensures Christian schools suffer for the actions of Muslims.

But wait! Of course, it’s not just Christian schools. Far from it:

It follows complaints from orthodox Jewish schools about recent inspections in which girls from strict traditional backgrounds were allegedly asked whether they were being taught enough about lesbianism, whether they had boyfriends and if they knew where babies came from.

Any complaints from Muslim schools..? No. Not in this report. That’s odd, isn’t it?

A Government consultation paper published in June, explaining the new rules, makes clear that even taking children on trips to different places of worship would not be enough to be judged compliant.

So…what on earth do they have to do..?

Anthropomorphism Will Get You Killed...

Well, it can't help this, can it? After all, it's just how its mouth is shaped:

We have this lovely idea about dolphins and have faith in them – who would think a dolphin would ever attack a person? If you see a ferocious animal coming at you with its teeth bared, it’s scary, but dolphins have this lovely, wide smile.

Still, she's learned her lesson now, right?

After the man pulled me out of the water, Dusty swam away, but then she came back and was bobbing vertically next to me, looking at me. We locked eyes and I felt there was complete remorse in her. She was a totally different dolphin; the anger had gone.

/facepalm

The Explanation Is…

…”Because, as a public sector worker, I’m simply better than you.”

One parent, who did not wish to be named, said the head's leave was "absolutely disgusting".

"I've been fined twice for taking my children out of school and I put in a request to take them out next year and it's been refused," she said.

"I think she should either give us an explanation why she is taking time off.... or at least grant people holiday to do it themselves."

No explanation will be forthcoming, proles. In fact, how very dare you question your betters?

Chair of governors, Kevin Hunter, said Mrs Winder was "devoted, well-liked, extremely hardworking and effective".

"She made what we have judged to be a request for a week off during term time for personal reasons which we have judged appropriate," he said.

But then what else could be expected from the folks that scream merry hell about ‘vital education’ when you take your children out of school, yet see nothing wrong with going on strike at the drop of a hat?

More UKIP Victories

Basildon council voted in favour of scrapping plans to change hundreds of addresses of homes on the Five Links estate...

 Aha!

… but went on to say it does not mean the proposals will not go ahead.

Wha..?

The Tory administration failed to stop the Ukip motion which called for the U-turn, and a pledge not to use public money to defend a magistrates’ court challenge against the plan brought by 400 residents.

Labour wrongfooted yesterday, now Tories. Interesting times, eh?

Shouldn't You Be 'Appalled' That Anyone's Treated This Way?

Richard Kramer, deputy chief executive, said: "This was a shocking incident and we are appalled that a person with both sight and hearing loss was attacked in this way. It is right and proper that the two men have now been brought to justice."

Yes, I know, it's an organisation set up for disability issues only, but would it have been OK to attack a non-disabled person in this manner, then?

Oh, right, that 'justice'...

Webster, of Colchester Road, Coggleshall, admitted grievous bodily harm and was sentenced to 22months in prison.

Martin 24, of Speedwell Road, Colchester, was handed a nine month sentence for causing actual bodily harm.

Words fail me...

H/T: Tom Knott via email

Police Know Who The Real Criminals Are...

A shop has apologised for a "misunderstanding" of the law which led to staff refusing to serve a uniformed soldier with cigarettes.

Management at Alpha News in the Hardshaw Centre, St Helens posted notices at its store after a complaint by the soldier on Facebook spread like wildfire.

The social media message led to a group of protestors gathering in the shopping centre this morning trying to persuade shoppers not to buy anything from the store.

Police were stationed outside the shop in an attempt to defuse the row and quell any potential disorder.

It seems people aren't prepared to put up with this sort of thing any more.

The shop's Indian owner later apologised, insisting that staff had believed cigarettes could not be sold to soldiers wearing military uniform.

A likely story!

Police, meanwhile, warned they are investigating whether any of follow up comments made on social media about the shop constitute a criminal offence under the Malicious Communications and Public Order Acts.

Wait, what? Has the shop owner complained?

"Although police have not received a report of complaint from the shop, a full investigation into the wider comments being made is underway by the SIGMA team in St Helens.

"Police are looking into whether any of these comments constitute a criminal offence under the Malicious Communications and Public Order Acts.

Gosh, amazing how you suddenly have time to spare, eh?

"Merseyside Police will continue to use all the available technology and expertise at its disposal to identify people who commit offences on-line and take action under the current laws.

"People should stop and think on social media before making statements as the consequences could be serious.

"High visibility patrols have been stepped up in the area to reassure local businesses and shoppers. "

As James Higham pointed out at 'Orphans', "Police received no complaints but they’re going to nail someone British if it’s the last thing they do."...

Thanks, Pat, That’s More Votes For UKIP!

Pat Rackley, an independent Labour councillor, stormed out of a full council discussion on affordable homes after UKIP councillor Linda Allport Hodge blamed mass immigration into the country on the high number of homes needed to be built.

Mrs Allport-Hodge said more than four million “foreigners” had moved to the UK since July 2010. Mrs Rackley stood up saying: “This is absolute racism, absolute racism. I am not listening to this,” before leaving the council chamber.

Keep it up, Labourites. Keep it up…

'A Close Shave' Takes On New Meaning....

Mr Pallister said Dobrodumow had a long history of domestic violence and had 17 previous convictions.

His profession..? Well...

Dobrodumow, who had previously owned a shop called The Demon Barber...

*chuckles*

Judge Tom Little accepted that there had been no intent in the injury as the blade was something he used every day at work and he did not realise it was still in his hand at the time.

I...

I just...

H/T: Alf Stone via email

"You Can't Park That 'ere, Mate!"

"But...it's a bus, and that's a bus stop!"

Wardens started ticketing buses after receiving complaints about illegal parking. The council said no vehicle was allowed to stop in the street unless loading or unloading.

And....passengers don't count?!?

"It is as if the council is on a suicide mission to drive everyone out of Wolverhampton."

Can't really argue with that..!

H/T: Ted Treen via email

Bad News For British SciFi TV Fans...

Regenerate your way out of that one!

“His Name Is Rio, And He Runs Away From Home…”

My, it’s all kicking off in Erith:

A six-year old child, who went missing in Erith earlier today (October 13), has been found.

Rio Huggett was with his mother in St John Fisher Road when he ran off at around 9.40am.

He has been found safe and well.

That’s it? That’s the whole news item?

Sunday Funnies...

Surely the greatest mystery is the belief itself..?

Move Back To Perth – Problem Solved!

The Perth-raised mum said Adelaide’s beaches were one of the attractions of moving here from Melbourne in July.

She said dogs were banned from beaches in Perth except for a designated dog beach at Swanbourne, which was self-policing.

So move back to Perth. Don’t move to Adelaide and start demanding they be more like Perth.

Holdfast Bay city assets manager Steve Hodge the council had considered and rejected “many reports” about creating dog-free areas and dogs parks.

“A large proportion of Adelaide’s population has a pet and would like the opportunity to exercise them and enjoy their beach with their whole family, including their dogs,” Mr Hodge said.

Good for you! A bit more of this wouldn't come amiss, officials.

Lola Okolosie Sees Dead Racist People…

…she sees them everywhere:

A photo opportunity with a world leader is never really casual; the politician always has a motive or communicative intent, the pendulum swinging between a wish to be seen as leader or wo/man of the people.

Or just a chap trying to eat a bacon sandwich (and failing)…

In our modern world, much continues to be done in the name of culture and tradition that could be deemed inappropriate, if not unacceptable.

By anyone we should pay heed to, Lola? Or just by your racehustling chums?

Is the prime minister an expert in the complicated and obscure history of blacking up in Morris dancing?

Well, are you..?

That neither he nor the PR team overseeing this shot on civvy street didn’t, and couldn’t, see its racist resonances is a stretch. Rather, this tells us something about where the prime minister would now like to position himself in the public imagination.

As someone who doesn’t dance to the tune of the Sisters of Perpetual Grievance, I’d hope…

Two factors may explain Cameron’s easy pose. The surge in support for Ukip and the call for English votes for English laws that was sparked by the Scottish referendum are game-changers. Ostensibly, this is a time to endorse English values and an English cultural identity. That black people may be offended or, indeed, intimidated by this climate, no longer matters. Gone are the days of being, to quote Cameron, squeamish and bashful about patriotism.

Well, quite! Why assume, Lola, that ‘black people’ can’t be patriotic, unless it’s to a ‘home country’ that some of them may never have even visited?

Isn’t that just a tiny bit racist of you?

… last Friday, we woke up to discover that the “fruitcakes and loonies”, as Cameron once called Ukip, now have their own member of parliament. Three days later, our leader has the temerity to pose with blacked-up Morris dancers. I know I’m not the only one feeling left out and isolated by this renewed zeal for Englishness. Clearly, only certain citizens belong or matter.

Yup. The ones that matter are the ones that don’t have a chip on both shoulders & seek to look at everything through the prism of their own identity politics.

Those, we can well do without.

Signs Of A Much-Needed Reformation..?

The event held at Central Park in Bandar Utama near here on Sunday was also held to encourage people to be compassionate towards dogs.

It is said to have received the blessing of the Selangor Islamic Council, but Selangor Mufti Datuk Setia Mohd Tamyes Abd Wahid yesterday declared that it was of no benefit to Muslims.

Mohd Tamyes said that while dogs should be treated humanely as they are also God’s creatures, events such as the one held on Sunday did not bring any benefit to Muslims in the country.

It brings quick a lot of benefit, surely? It enables people to see them as fellow human beings and not reactionary raving nutjobs?

Like their spokespeople:

Jakim director-general Datuk Othman Mustapha said the campaign was conducted openly, including for Muslims, without a good reason.

He feared that the organisers might have a hidden agenda and saw it as trying to create a new culture that could lead to insulting Islam.

Yes, yes, because everything’s a big plot against Islam, isn’t it?

And why not take a leaf out of the Christian’s book, and simply shrug off ‘insults’? Is it because ‘turn the other cheek’ isn’t to be found anywhere in your Holy Book?

Popular freelance preacher Mohd Kazim Elias has accused the organisers of trying to legalise something that was clearly haram (forbidden) in Islam.

In his Facebook posting yesterday, Mohd Kazim claimed the event was also a subtle way by certain people to liberalise and pluralise Islam.

“Muslims cannot, for no reason, touch dogs. What is the purpose of having a programme to encourage Muslims to touch dogs? They are considered unclean (najis mugahalazah), the same as pig,” he said.

Well, maybe the purpose is to encourage you into joining the 21st century with the rest of the human race?

If She’s Only 29, They Must Have Been Hard, Hard Years…

Mother-of-two Hayley Sandiford, of Worcester Road, has been fighting to keep American bulldog Winston, despite him running up to the delivery man, snatching a bundle of letters out of his hand and trying to bite him.

Royal Mail has suspended deliveries to Miss Sandiford and her neighbours in both Worcester Road and Surrey Road.

The 29-year-old (Ed: !!!) was sentenced to a six-month community order when she appeared before Blackburn Magistrates and was told the dog would be destroyed if she did not comply with conditions.

What a rough looking dog…

Speaking after the hearing, she said: “I am glad in a way that it is all over now, but there is a risk that Winston might get put to sleep.

“These conditions are what I have been doing anyway, so there is no reason why the dog should get out down.

“Winston is great, he is as lively as ever. He is a brilliant pet.”

Hmmm, a little too lively. And ‘brilliant pets’ should be the sort that don’t lead to the threat of eviction…

Twin Valley Homes, which owns Miss Sandiford’s house, said they were still looking to have an injunction taken out against her, forcing her to give Winston up.

Martin Jackson, the housing association’s anti-social behaviour manager, said: “We’ve taken note of the outcome of the criminal case involving Miss Sandiford but it would be inappropriate to comment further until we’ve had the result of the civil case.”

Well, if you can’t rely on the criminal justice system (and often, you can’t) it’s good to know that someone else will pick up the slack!

Oh, For Heaven's Sake..!

“We thought we were using the wi-fi for a good fortnight and there was nothing to suggest it had disconnected.

"We didn't know we were using up all these charges for the internet at a premium rate.

“As far as I was aware, the wi-fi was connected. I wasn’t informed otherwise.“

Really? You mean, apart from these little symbols on your Nokia Lumia that tell you what you are connected to?

No wonder Vodaphone charged you a £381 cancellation fee. Consider it an Idiot Tax.

"Now they are threatening to take me to court - it's frightening that they can bully you this way.

"I might have to sell my van just to afford it, by I rely on that for my livelihood, I don't know where to turn."

After the single father-of-one dispute (sic) the bill he was then informed he had been blacklisted by Vodafone.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

And What Reception Will You Give Journalists, Or Ottawa's Police Chief..?

Barely 24 hours after a gunman attacked Parliament Hill in Ottawa, killing a soldier, lawmakers gave a standing ovation to Kevin Vickers, the legislature's sergeant-at-arms, for reportedly firing the shots that took down the assailant.

Vickers, 58, stood at attention and appeared close to tears before the House of Commons as the applause wore on. He's being regarded as a hero in Canada for keeping the gunman from penetrating farther into the parliamentary compound.

As RAB at 'Counting Cats...' points out, he's a brave man, and more importantly, a man who had the right tools for the job to hand when he needed them.

But sadly, he's too late to prevent further penetration of Canadian society:

She was dismissive of uncovered plots against the Canadian state and instead focused on Muslims who had volunteered for the security services. She then went on to suggest that unless Canada dropped its opposition to ISIS the Muslim community might change its allegiance.

And far too late to prevent further penetration of the country's police farce:

Ottawa police Chief Charles Bordeleau sent out a letter that encouraged building the relationships between ethnic groups over breaking them.

He also said police are aware of potential concerns for Muslim groups. ​

"This is about one individual who committed a despicable act," Bordeleau said, "I want to reassure [groups] should there be any backlash that they notify us.… We are there to continue to support them."

What can you say? Other, that is, to echo Farenheit451:

"This murderous attack should be a lesson to us all, and that lesson should be that wherever Islam goes and wherever Islam is tolerated or indulged, there is violence from the followers of Islam. This violence is so often aimed at those at the individuals and institutions of those countries which naively tolerate or facilitate Islam. We’ve seen this now not only in Canada, but also in the United States and the United Kingdom."

Amen.

Sadly, They Didn’t Finish Up Like ‘Thelma & Louise’…

Two sisters without driving licences led police on a 90mph chase – and asked cops for a cigarette when they were finally halted.

Amy and Laura Humpage (Ed: SNORK!) also SWAPPED seats before officers caught up with them, drove on the wrong side of the road, ran three red lights and demolished a 2ft brick wall.

A lovey pair. And recipients of the now-notorious leniency reserved for the fairer sex:

Laura, 27, pleaded guilty to dangerous driving and driving without insurance and a licence.

The court heard she had suffered mental health problems and had been sectioned in the past.

She was handed a 12-month suspended sentence and a supervision order.

Amy, 25, admitted careless driving, failing to provide a specimen and having no licence.

She was given a two-month suspended sentence and ordered to pay £250.

This despite the acknowledged seriousness of the offence:

Passing sentence, Judge Murray Creed told the pair: “I’m quite satisfied that, as far as the crime is concerned, it passed the custody threshold.”

Well, you can’t be that satisfied, can you?

And he told Laura: “I am concerned about your bipolar condition and in particular the fact you’ve been subject to mental health orders in the past.”

I’m concerned too – concerned that the next time these two go on a car chase with the police, they’ll mow down someone who isn’t the expendable Judge Creed.

No, They Don’t Care, Why Should They?

A single teenage mum who has been living rent- free above a Worcester pub says she and her sick baby will soon be homeless after new managers arrived to take over.

Yes. And..?

Mrs Franklin had been running the pub since April 28 and her daughter moved into the flat the following month.

As an illegal sub tenant. That didn’t go over well with the brewery, as you can imagine.

During a meeting at the pub, former manager Tracey Franklin, Megan’s mum and Grace’s grandmother, held talks with representatives of the pub’s owners, Westbourne Leisure Ltd.

During the meeting, Neil Tooth, Westbourne’s operations manager, said he would have the locks changed if Tracey Franklin did not hand back the keys.

But Mr Tooth said Miss Franklin should never have been living there in the first place and the pub had been losing money “hand over fist”.

I can see why. But now the jig is up, the game’s over, there’s no more free accommodation. This is, of course, an OUTRAGE!

Miss Franklin was written to by Westbourne on October 9 telling her she had to move out by October 24. She said: “I’m annoyed and angry. They don’t care.

“They don’t care that my baby is constantly ill because they haven’t fixed the windows. It is so cold.

“This is the first time we have ever met the people from Westbourne. I need to find somewhere else to live. This is a total shock for me. I was expecting it but not so soon.

“It’s alright for the people from Westbourne. They have a home to go to."

Yes, one they legally own or pay rent for, I suspect. Are those alien concepts to you?

She now hopes to meet with a housing officer from Worcester City Council tomorrow with a view to sorting out alternative accommodation.

Great! So now we, the taxpayer, get to pick up the tab instead…

The Tyranny Of The Minority…

An online petition garnering just 65 signatures was enough to sway the administration of the UK’s most famous music festival, helping to convince Emily Eavis that the ceremonial garb should not be treated as meaningless fancy dress.

The Glastonbury website has since listed “Indian headdresses” , alongside cigarettes, candle flares and flags as items not to be sold in its traders section “without prior authorisation or discussion with the markets’ management”.

Yes, it’s the continuing crusade about the use of Indian headdresses.

And just 65 people are enough to rule their sale ‘unacceptable’. Remember when Glastonbury was counter-culture, do as you please, freedom of expression, love alternative cultures & all that hippy garbage?

"Feed Me. FEED ME!"

Going to work one morning last week, I saw a young herring gull chick begging for food from it's parent.

It was nearly twice the size of Mum (or Dad) and standing in a heap of easily-obtainable discarded food waste, oblivious, squawking demands that its parent do the hard work...

I was reminded of that reading this:

Val, 45, works in a supermarket and receives staff discount. But she shops elsewhere because it’s cheaper and she needs her money to go further to ensure her daughter Anastasia, 21, does not go short on food.

Yes, you read that right. 21. Now, there's a pic of 'Anastasia'. She doesn't look incapable of finding her own food to me...

The financial strain has left Paul suffering from depression. Val says: “It’s painful to see the man I love come home from a long shift, say ‘I can’t do this any more’ and curl into a foetal position on the floor.”

I don't blame him. Time Anastasia flew the nest, then..?

H/T: MarcherLord via Twitter

It’s Not The Local Newspaper You Should Be Talking To, Is It?

A mum who was mugged in the car park outside her Manor Park flat has urged the council to find her somewhere safe to live.

That’s the council’s job now? Can’t adults be reasonably expected to find somewhere to live without the smothering embrace of the State?

Of course, she’s not really an adult. She’s a social housing tenant.

Afia, who has a 16-month-old daughter, says she is anxious to move elsewhere as she is “extremely” concerned for their safety.

“I was punched in the face for £40,” Afia said.

“I have a little baby - what if she was with me?

“I don’t like leaving my flat when it’s dark because is not safe for us to live here but the council keep saying the same thing, that they can’t do anything about our situation.”

That’s right. They can’t do much. And what they can do, you need to help them with:

In a statement, Newham Council said: “We take reports of crime and anti-social behaviour very seriously and are committed to ensuring that our residents live in neighbourhoods where they feel safe.

“We have repeatedly contacted the tenant to ask her to provide the details of the police officer involved in her case.

“Once we have further information from the police, we will be able to identify whether the tenant can be moved to a new property due to harassment and anti-social behaviour.

“So far, the tenant has failed to respond to our repeated requests for information.

“We will make further attempts to contact her for this information.”

Gosh, I wonder why she’d rather squeal to the local paper than answer your (perfectly reasonable) questions?

Because Some People Are Too Thick To Own A Goldfish...

...three more people are now injured (one still in hospital) due to the authorities' inability to use the powers they have:

Stephen Potts had to have his arm amputated when two of his American bulldogs turned on him during a frenzied attack last month.

The 48-year-old was arrested today, only days after returning home from hospital, when his animals attacked three people.

By the same police who saw 'no problems' with the animals only last month?

...another incident involving his animals unfolded today as Potts was walking six of them, which can weigh up to 60kg.

How can a man with one arm be allowed to walk around in public with six of these monsters?!?

The three people injured should sue the local council & police farce for every penny they can get.

And does anyone else not find it bizarre that we live in a world where 'health & safety' will dictate that you cannot have a doormat in front of your door in your flat, yet is strangely silent on the risks of a one-armed man walking 6 hellbeasts in public?

Why Doesn’t Someone Just Point Them To The ‘Guardian’ HQ?

One middle-aged woman, who would not give her name, said: “We are from Romania. We are in the European Union. We need help with a house. Give us a house and we won’t be here.”

You won’t be ‘here’ in Park Lane, no, but you’ll be ‘here’ in the UK forever!

Hakan Altay, whose Park Lane salon overlooks Marble Arch, said a quarter of his clients had taken their custom elsewhere because of the camp, costing him “tens of thousands”.

He said: “My business has been killed by them. When I ask them to leave, they just shout. They don’t understand. They sleep outside the shop and make my property smell of urine. They go to the toilet where they like.”

Mr Altay said the group was ruled by one or two members:

“They work with a leader who controls everything. Two Saturdays ago, there were 20 people sleeping outside my salon and the leader moved them into the subway.”

He has pleaded with the police and the council to remove the group but it has come to nothing, he said.

Of course it has. Their hands are (mostly) tied.

Nickie Aiken (Ed: Yes, the name should ring a bell), the council’s cabinet member for community protection, said the legislative powers available “allow some EU nationals to exploit a three-month window to stay here without making a positive contribution to London life."

More votes for UKIP, methinks!

In Today’s ‘Can’t Buy Publicity Like This!’ News…

One shopper reported they were “up in arms” about the decision to place three items reading the slogan “it was all ******* awesome” in the shop front window in the shopping centre.

*yawns*

Of course, the bandwagon-jumpers and ‘look at me, I have my name in the paper!’ crowd are jumping up & down:

Claire Jones-Hughes, from Brighton Mums, said while swearing is part of modern language it is still offensive.

Ms Jones-Hughes said: “It is misguided and irresponsible to have in a location where children can see it.

“Especially age groups which are impressionable and don't fully understand the impact of bad language.

“We have to accept swearing is part of modern language but is offensive to some and we all need to respect that.”

Do we? Why?

Sussi Lassen, Director of Improve Your English International, said she wondered if the owner of the store was aware of the F-word being used as a marketing tool.

Ms Lassen said: “I am not quite sure about the ranking of the word in question according to the book Forbidden Words by Keith Allen and Kate Burridge. But from my source, a study by Timothy B Jay, it is number three on the list.

“As a teacher of English as a foreign language I cannot recommend it.

“My students would come across as very rude if they were using this word.

“I wonder if the owner of the shop knows it is in the window and consented to this marketing tool?”

I bet they did. It’s free!

‘Almost’ Only Counts In Horseshoes & Hand Grenades, Chum…

A father has called for ancient ruins to be made safer after his son “almost broke his neck” while trying to climb them.

*sigh* Clearly, parent of the year…

He said: “There’s one sign that says ‘climb at your own risk’ on an English Heritage noticeboard but it’s obscured by a hedge and it’s pathetic.

“I don’t think it’s safe at all and some teenager will die some day from falling off. A health and safety officer needs to look at it and put something in place so it’s less dangerous.”

Yes, save us, Health & Safety Officer, you’re our only hope!

English Heritage spokesman Phil Harper said: “We are aware of the incident. Our current signs make visitors aware of the danger of climbing on Minster Lovell Hall, but we are reviewing whether further measures are required.”

A ban on visitors who can’t produce a valid MENSA certificate, perhaps?

I’ve Said It Before & I’ll Say It Again…

…we don’t need a Dangerous Dogs Act.

We don’t need to ‘clamp down’ on dangerous dogs.

We need to clamp down on the people that own them!

The owner of a dog that killed an 11-month-old baby girl later sent her mother sick online abuse threatening to kill her and have sex with her corpse, a court heard.

 Yes, the hits just keep on coming from these ghastly specimens of humanity...

Paul Huxley, defending, said his client felt "utter regret" about what his dog did in February. He said: "Since then he has been the subject of abuse from members of the public. Miss King’s mother, Claire King, has called him a murderer in a text message."

 Awwww, wait, wait, I have just the thing!

But the lawyer's just hitting his stride! You see, poor Lee's the real victim here:

Mr Huxley said it was a terrible situation for everyone involved.

He told the court: "It wasn’t his fault the child died, that was the last thing he wanted, He has let the stress, which he is not sharing with anyone, bubble over.

"It has come out in comments to Chloe who is also going through a terrible time. It has been the worst year of both of their lives to say the least."

Yeah. Those are called consequences.

And once again, this most recent case is a carbon copy of the previous one - chavs, complaints ignored, complacent authorities, child dead.

An Outbreak Of Common Sense…

The unnamed officer, from Devon and Cornwall Police, could have faced charges of manslaughter by gross negligence and misconduct in a public office, but on Thursday the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) decided there was insufficient evidence.

Sally Walsh, a senior lawyer in the CPS Special Crime Division, said: “The evidence suggests that this was a fast-moving incident with events unfolding suddenly and in near darkness - from the police approach to the garden to the petrol igniting the entire incident took less than 41 seconds.”

The officer acted “in a genuine attempt to save Mr Pimlott’s life” on 18 April 2013 and a jury was likely to accept his “reasonable” fear, she added.

“Whilst we cannot know whether Mr Pimlott intended to set himself alight, seeing him douse himself in petrol and holding what appeared to be a lighted match, it was reasonable for the officer to conclude that he intended to,” Ms Walsh said.

“It appears from the evidence that the officer did the best he could in what were clearly very difficult circumstances and that he was faced with a choice of either standing back to allow Mr Pimlott to set himself alight or taking the somewhat lesser risk of applying the Taser in an effort to stop him doing so.”

Quite right. I commend the CPS (and regular readers will know how rare that it!). It now needs to spread to other organisations:

The decision not to press charges means the case has been referred to the Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC), which is investigating the officer for gross misconduct.

That should be a short investigation, shouldn't it?

Well, Angela, I Feel As If I’m Being Mugged Off By The Likes Of You…

Mum-of-four Angela Worthy, 32, who sleeps in a single bed with her two youngest children, said she had been waiting for a home for three years, but has reached her wits end.

She moved in with her mum, Marcella, and stepdad, Dave, after being forced to flee London while pregnant when someone set fire to her home with her and the children inside.

Ms Worthy (isn’t it always?) has a nice crop of chavname kids (Shannon, Tiffany, Madison and….OK, Billy, which isn’t too bad) and is, you guessed it, on benefits:

She said Castle Point Council officials told her she must bid for a four-bedroom home on the housing register, but none was available and there were no private homes in the borough within the benefit budget of £1,000.

And this is an OUTRAGE!

Ms Worthy said: “We were categorised as a hazard by Environmental Health back in June or July, due to overcrowding.

“It is horrible. I love my mum, but I feel like I am failing my children. I’m just so down in the dumps.

“I knew it would take a little while, but I didn’t have a choice. I honestly didn’t think I would be here three years down the line.

“I just feel like I am being mugged off by Castle Point Council.”

Yup, I know that feeling well, though mine doesn’t originate from the same point…

Grandma Marcella Brady said: “It is destroying the family, it is destroying our relationship as mother and daughter, which has always been extremely strong, and it is destroying my relationship with my grandchildren as I am old school and they are young and have got different views. ”

Ummm, what? Can anyone translate?

“It is against Angela’s human rights to be forced to live like she this.”

*rolls eyes*

“I know people who have moved from Dagenham and have already got houses.”

So..? Are their circumstances comparable?

Mrs Brady, 56, who works as a childminder, said the situation was also making her health worse as she has numerous conditions, including blocked arteries and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, which is not helped by stress.

And…if you work as a childminder, how do you cope with those views you find so taxing with your grandchildren?

Oh, 'Metro', Sharing Staff With The 'Daily Mail' Again..?

Rheas are flightless birds, yes. But they aren't wingless ones!

The Problem Is, No-One's Located The 85ft Bottle Of Hellman's Yet...

...or the 60ft Hovis.

Social Media: A Godsend For Local Newspapers...

Two women have been photographed fighting in intu Bromley shopping centre, in a confrontation that saw a wig "snatched off" one of their heads.

Photographs of the incident show a security guard attempting to break the women up, while they appear to thrash about on the floor.

Meanwhile a wig lies redundant on the floor nearby.

They were posted on Twitter on September 5 by @BellzLa, who tweeted: "Ratchet girls beefing in Bromley, one girl's wig got snatched off."

Police said they were not called, but intu Bromley confirmed an incident did take place.

And of course, just in case we didn't believe this incredible story, look, here's the photo!

The Commentariat revs up for action:

Harold Larwood says...

I hope the aggressor will be made toupée compensation.

*groans*

Gypo.Joe says...

My Dyslexia must be getting worse. I had to read this a few times as I thought the wig came off her snatch at first glance.

LOL!

Harold Larwood says...

Gypo.Joe wrote: My Dyslexia must be getting worse. I had to read this a few times as I thought the wig came off her snatch at first glance.

Stop merkin about...

Well played, sir!

read20000 says...

Someone must have taken those photos syrup titiously

*groans again*

derby1971 says...

what does 'ratchet girls beefing' mean ?.....or does this mean i am now officially old not knowing this ?

Yup. Nice, isn't it?

Fisherman Pete says...

Not sure security guards get paid enough to be dealing with hairy situations like that IMHO

OK, enough!

Sunday Funnies...

Pay attention to no 4...

It Seems What’s ‘Unacceptable’ Is Rather Fluid, If You’re Police…

A man wanted on suspicion of assault after a woman suffered "life-changing" injuries from suspected dog bites at a kennels has been named by police.

Nijamul Islam, 41, of Edgware, London, is believed to have run the compound housing about 100 dogs at Warren Farm in Great Amwell, Hertfordshire.

An odd name for a man allegedly involved in the four-legged mantrap business, but you’ll note he doesn’t actually live anywhere near the compound containing his furry missiles.

Hertfordshire Police said the animals had been kept in "unacceptable" conditions and it was working with the RSPCA and East Herts District Council to deal with their welfare.

Really? How strange. Because these premises were perfectly acceptable for this other chap’s animals.

The RSPCA euthanized a lot of dogs at the site due to their ‘ill health’ or ‘aggressive nature’. I wonder if they used the same methods they were so keen to hide the last time they were called out to these sort of dogs?

Postscript…

A concrete firm boss has been found not guilty of killing an employee who was crushed by a cement mixer truck.

A jury at Chelmsford Crown Court acquitted Simon Bromley, 45, of the manslaughter of Lee Balkwell.

That’s this long-running saga, of course.

Bromley was found guilty of a second charge of failing to ensure the health and safety of his employee.

A much lesser charge. And a supporting comment for Essex Police from the defence:

Speaking for the defence, Peter Rowlands said Essex Police had described Mr Balkwell's death as a "tragic accident" in 2002.

But an inquest in 2008 ruled he had been unlawfully killed. In his conclusion, Mr Rowlands told the court police had originally "got this right" when they did not prosecute Bromley.

Did they? So, we’re to judge the appropriateness of charges purely by the success (or otherwise) of the court case, are we?

That'll upset the Op Yewtree crowd!

They Aren’t ‘Colleagues’, They Are Employees…

…and failing employees, at that!

“I got to the till and could sense there was an uncomfortable atmosphere then the man behind the till started shouting ‘no pets allowed’,” she told the BBC.

“I said ‘it’s a guide dog and I’m registered blind’, but his two other cashiers joined in the shouting match.

“Everyone in the queue kept saying ‘she’s allowed to have a dog’ but they (cashiers) were just completely adamant that dogs were not allowed in the store.”

Cashiers of no appearance?

Tesco stressed guide dogs are allowed in stores.

A spokesman said: “This clearly should never have happened and we will contact Ms Makri directly to apologise.

“We do allow guide dogs in stores and have reminded colleagues of that.”

Let’s hope the reminder is in the same envelope as their P45s…

And you know what else is odd? The Twitter account @EverydayAbleism hasn't uttered one peep about this. But I guess being thrown out of a shop pales beyond the awful horrors of Christmas cards:

Or too-large chairs:

Suck it up, Ms Makri. You think you got problems?

Don't Expect The Justice System To Help With That...

John Dawson, whose son was also bitten by the dog, said: “Alfred is still nervous about going into our back garden, and scared of going near dogs.

“I am faced with a bill of over £2,000 to erect dog-proof fencing. I bear Neil Burke no personal malice - but this problem will not end until either the dog escapes again as it surely will, and is put down; or Burke finally sees sense, gets this dog rehomed a long way from Carlton and buys himself a chihuahua.”

He's incapable of beinmg responsible for a goldfish.

It was revealed in court the dog was a ‘serial escaper’ and had got out from the Burke’s property, in The Causeway, seven or eight times before.

Mr Dawson said tens of thousands of pounds of public money had been spent on the court proceedings but now ‘we are back where we were two days after the attack’.

He added: “Dozens of people in Carlton have expressed their surprise and outrage that the police and the courts have missed this opportunity to put an end to the nuisance that this man and his dogs have been causing for nearly two years.”

Outrage I can well understand, but frankly, there should be no surprise.

It Could Have Been Much Worse…

…it could have tasted of Burger King waffle:

The 22-year-old mother, from Hove, said she bought the waffle at the drive-through Burger King in Goldstone Retail Park, Hove, on Sunday.

But when she bit into her food she noticed a strange chemical taste and spat it out. She said: “I bought a waffle and it was covered in bleach.

“I had a couple of bites and it tasted funny so I spat it out. I got out of the car and was spitting it out and I could smell bleach.”

So you drove straight back to the drive-through, contaminated item in hand, to complain, right?

Wait, you didn’t?

Well! How unexpected!

“I went to my mum’s and phoned them up to complain and warn them and they hung the phone up on me.

“Then I rang the police because I had my one-year-old son with me and if he had eaten it, he could have been seriously burned.”

Anyone else? Oh, of course, the local rag. I mean, that goes without saying…

“I still have the waffle so that the police and environmental health can investigate.”

Do you indeed?

A spokeswoman for Brighton and Hove City Council said: “We have received a complaint and will be looking into the allegations.”

Sussex Police said the incident was “not being treated as a deliberate act” at this time.

A spokesman for Burger King said they had received no other similar complaints.

Hmmm. Do I smell a rat?

Environmental Health officials have taken away the remains of the waffle for testing.

And if it’s found to have been contaminated with bleach, I’m sure it can only have been at Burger King itself, and not somewhere else.

Right?

You’re Quite Right, Essex Police Didn’t Cause Your Son’s Death…

He did.

Graham Philpott said: “It was my daughter, Hayley, who badgered us to pursue this. We were just devastated.

“It has been difficult to come to terms with Trevor’s death. The police failings have made it difficult for us to get closure. There were so many ‘what ifs’.”

Like, I suppose, ‘Oh, what if my son hadn’t taken illegal drugs & mixed them with someone else’s medication (probably bought from the same drug dealer) at a friend’s house’, perhaps?

Still, would £4000 of taxpayer’s money help? Go on, I bet it would!

Mr Philpott’s family launched legal action under the Human Rights Act and have been given an out-of-court settlement Mr Philpott’s father, Graham Philpott, 63, said: “For us it is not about the money. It is about getting justice.

“We wanted it brought into the public domain that Essex Police did an injustice to our son and just treated him like a number.”

Or like a waste of oxygen druggie loser. Which he clearly was.

That'll Teach Her! Part 457812

The 19-year-old had claimed she was assaulted in Friargate in August, leading to a police appeal and investigation, but she was found to have made up the story.

She has been issued with a fixed penalty notice and fined for wasting police time, but detectives have said the case should not put off victims who are seeking help.

£90...? It's an insult.

Detective Chief Inspector Matt Walker of North Yorkshire Police said ..."When dealing with an incident which has proven not to have taken place, we take into account the circumstances which led to the person making a false report. Each case is different and each person has varying needs.

"It is not always appropriate to put that person through the criminal justice system. Every effort is made to ensure the person gets the relevant support and assistance they need if that is the most appropriate course of action."

She's the real victim, you see....

Give Judge Hopmeier A Round Of Applause!

A church thief was so angry about his girlfriend’s mother being evicted from her flat he threatened to kill her neighbour’s children.

Adrian Robertson, 40, told the woman: “I have been in prison for 22 years. I’m going to kill you, and if I don’t kill you I’m going to kill your children.”

His girlfriend Rebecca Mills, 32, shouted violent racial abuse and said: "You got my mum kicked out. I’m going to have you.”

As habitual criminals often do, they relied on the lax court system to ‘punish’ them as lightly as possible.

They admitted all the charges against them, Kingston Crown Court heard yesterday.

Prosecutor Alastair Smith said that Mills’ mother had been evicted due to a "history of problems" with neighbour Ms Rossiter who lived downstairs.

Not that their familiarity with the court procedures has taught them any respect. Why would it?

Robertson, who used to live in Mole Court, Ewell, and now lives in Guildford, repeatedly tried to speak during Thursday's court proceedings and his phone rang twice during the court hearing. Judge Michael Hopmeier told him: "You face a sentence on serious charges and have to understand that the likely sentence is an immediate custodial sentence.”

Robertson tried to interrupt again while the judge was outlining his bail conditions and Mr Hopmeier said: "Just listen or I may change my mind."

Robertson replied: "I’m sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt."

Judge Hopmeier said: "Then don’t."

Heh! In some countries, that would add to the sentence!

Zarah Dickinson, defending Robertson, said he had been using drink and drugs at the time of the threats to kill, but was now having drug treatment and staying at a hostel in Guildford.

She said: "He feels very frustrated that he may end up back at square one when he’s turned a corner and made progress.”

Once again, the passive voice, as if this latest little mishap were like the weather, something totally unconnected to Robertson’s own actions…

"“You just don’t expect this to happen..."

Really? Seems to me it happens quite a lot:

A family member, who did not wish to be named, said: “She was walking with her dog and saw these three dogs and the next moment they were dragging their owner to the bottom of the hill.

“He couldn’t control them and they started to attack.

“They were on leads, but dragged their owner.

“They started biting the dog.”

 Are Essex Police concerned? You wouldn't know it:

A police spokesman said: “The incident has been reported and inquiries are ongoing.”

Don't pull a muscle, lads, eh?

Cry ‘Havoc’, And Let Slip The Outraged Cyclists Of War!

Cyclists should have identification like number plates so they can be prosecuted, a police boss has said.

Sussex Police and Crime Commissioner (PCC) Katy Bourne said she thought bringing drivers and cyclists to book in an equal way might “make life easier for everybody”.

Oh oh!

Tony Green, of the Brighton and Hove Cycling Campaign, said the idea was “totally unrealistic” for administrative and practical reasons.

Almost as unrealistic as making all motorists declared to be ‘at fault’ in cyclist collisions, Tony? Or are you in favour of that one?

The 67-year-old, of Fiveways, in Brighton, added: “Cyclists are seen as the easy target. I don’t really know what it is, but maybe people think they are getting something for free.”

He added: “I agree there are cyclists who break the law but then ten or one hundred times as many motorists break the law.”

Ah, the ‘But miss, they do it too, and so much worse than us!’ argument that never worked when I was at school…

Goodness, I Don’t Know What Sort Of ‘People’ You Could Possibly Mean…

Mr Wright wants to warn other farmers to be on the lookout for the dog.

He said: "It is a dog that knows how to kill. It doesn't appear to be a family pet that has escaped.

"It could belong to people who go hare coursing and couldn't get the dog out of a hole.

"It will be hungry if no one has fed it and it will keep killing poultry."

I can’t imaging who that might be, can you?

A spokesman for Humberside Police said: "A dog attacking other animals is not a criminal offence, though we do understand the distress to the farmers.

"If anyone has any information about who the owner of the dog may be, please contact the police so we can speak to them and give them words of advice about the control of their animal."

*hollow laughter*

An East Riding Council spokesman said: "This is a case of animal worrying.

"The farmer has greater power to protect his animals than the council has to deal with this dog."

And, it would seem, than the increasingly useless police farce…

He Might Have Been ‘Their Loved One’…

…but to everyone else he was a violent thug:

The family of Mark Duggan have lost their attempt to overturn an inquest verdict that the police shooting of their loved one was a lawful killing.

Still, it’s nice when the ‘Guardian’ lays its stall out so candidly, eh?

Sentences That Make You Stop Reading…

Jess Zimmerman on the angst-creation factory that is ‘GamerGate’:

Back in 2007, before Gamergate, before everyone started to grasp that being a woman online was fundamentally unsafe…

As a woman online, I’m totally unfamiliar with this concept of being ‘unsafe’.

What am I doing wrong?

Don’t All Operas ‘Promote Unhealthy Behaviour’, Then?

A decision by the West Australia Opera company to drop Carmen because it features smoking has left its fans and Tony Abbott, the Australian prime minister, fuming about “political correctness gone crazy”.

And – despite the cliché – he’s actually right.

“We care about the health and wellbeing of our staff, stage performers and all the opera lovers throughout WA, which means promoting health messages and not portraying any activities that could be seen to promote unhealthy behaviour,” Chard told the West Australian newspaper.

I guess they won’t be putting on ‘Faust’ (dabbling in the occult) or ‘Cosi Fan Tutti’ (partner-swapping) either then?

The Aussie RNLI will cheer them for discouraging dangerous seagoing exploits by refusing to put on any productions of ‘The Flying Dutchman’ too.

"What despicable people would do that?"

Unfortunately, they seem to be in the majority in society, Mr Austin:

Son Richard Austin told the Standard: “Every time my mom closes her eyes, she just keeps seeing the dog bounding towards her.

“I just want those people found and prosecuted. The main thing is for leaving her there, leaving a frail old lady pouring with blood and her dog ripped to pieces.

“If the dog had knocked her and Benjy over, it could have been a lot worse and killed him easily as he’s so small and can’t withstand anything like that.

“It will be a long recovery for the pair of them and will take a long time for them to get over it. What despicable people would do that?”

Well...

Police believe the men were white, possibly Eastern European, with one wearing a black t-shirt and the other a green t-shirt, while the dog was white with a brown patch on one eye.

The 'Eastern European' bit is, for once, irrelevant. Plenty of home-grown scum do the same.

This Is Why We Are A Laughing Stock

The director of the London School of Economics has encouraged students upset by “sexist, homophobic and class-ist” leaflets handed out by the men’s rugby club to seek counselling.

Oh, the poor, delicate little flowers! However will they cope with life?

Professor Calhoun said he was “proud” of the Students’ Union for their “prompt and decisive action” in disbanding the men’s rugby team for a year.

Because collective punishment is the only kind worth applauding in ProgressiveLand.

He said the university is currently drawing up plans for a “School-wide programme of practical action” to combat sexist and homophobic abuse.

But the LSE athletics union isn’t going to take this lying down, and plans to appeal.

The LSE women’s rugby and hockey clubs, men’s football and the netball club all agreed with the athletics union’s decision to appeal against the disbandment.

*gets popcorn*

But They’d Love This At WongKees….

Iranian-born Anne Giffard has run Cafe Crepes, in Epsom High Street, for the past five years, serving fresh crepes, omelettes and drinks.

Two weeks ago, an appalled Gretta Dempsie, mother of Game of Thrones and Skins actor Joe Dempsie, contacted the Epsom Guardian to complain about the treatment of her disabled daughter, Lauren.

They were told to sit outside because she was in a wheelchair.

Let the OUTRAGE! begin.

… the Dempsies are not the only ones to complain about the way they were treated at Cafe Crepes. All six reviews on website 192.com slate Mrs Giffard for being rude, aggressive and unhelpful.

Hmmm, all six? That’s not a lot. Not for five years in business.

The lady explains herself:

Mrs Giffard said the restaurant is too small and narrow for pushchairs and wheelchairs and that there is seating outside for these customers.

She said: "This is a small business, it is not a chain.

"If you’re not happy, don’t come. It’s not my problem."

Now, no doubt this is causing a sharp intake of breath in the sort of people who demand grovelling ‘customer service’ from hapless wage slaves in Tesco & McDonalds, but it’s somewhat refreshing to me.

An Epsom resident of 15 years, Mrs Giffard was born in Iran and grew up in France. She said she has a select group of customers who she loves and who like her food, with people coming from Wimbledon just for her crepes. Her prized customers include Atkins employees who regularly order lunch and a "nice, polite family who come and understand me".

"They fold their buggy, put it on the side and sit in here," she added.

"Others, they come in and provoke me.

"If you’re in Epsom in the morning there are lots of pushchairs. They go and get their benefits and they go from cafe to cafe.

"I prefer to have people with good manners."

Don’t we all? After all, if they don’t like the service, they can go elsewhere, or – as some undoubtedly do – whinge about it on the Internet.

Mrs Giffard does not tolerate people speaking on their telephones in Cafe Crepes because she said she wants to create a real cafe ambience. She said people ask her why she wants to turn away their custom, but that she is not desperate for their money:

"I am an Iranian. I am not like this."

But sadly, all things must pass.

But like it or loathe it, Cafe Crepes will soon be departing Epsom. Mrs Giffard said she must return to Iran to take care of family matters and will be selling the shop before the end of year.

I wonder if whoever buys it will retain Mrs Giffard’s rather unique style? I do rather hope so, it makes a nice change from an insincere ‘have a nice day’…

Oh, The Humanity! (Part 2387451)

A Bromley mother-of-two has been forced to live with...

Oooh, anticipation builds!

...a mass of rotting pears at the end of her driveway for over a decade.

Wait, what..?

Sally Bateman, of Bourne Road, has pleaded with Bromley Council for years to cut back an overgrown tree, which leaves decaying pears outside her house.

The 40-year-old, who has lived at the property for 19 years, said the fruit also lands on her car, attracts wasps and stinks of cider.

That's it? Seriously?

Can't she just....sweep them up? Like I do with the berries that fall off our front-garden rowan?

Ms Bateman said: “With all the hot weather we have had recently, I have been left with a steaming pile of apples outside my house. It absolutely reeks.

“My neighbour and I are both sick of it. They cause a complete mess and even get trodden into our houses.

“We have to live here and put up with this stench.”

Wait, is it apples or pears?

The HR administrator said the council does send street cleaners to sort out the mess but it is only a matter of weeks before the fruit is littered all over the driveway again.

Well, yes. That's nature, love.

Ms Bateman, who recently had a hip operation, fears she will slip on the sodden fruit and hurt herself.

Aha! I see a compo claim in Bromley Council's future!

They are -surprisingly - not immediately rushing to resolve this awful situation for their ratepayer:

A Bromley Council spokesman said a crown reduction is already planned for the pear tree, which means less fruit will grow in future.

He said: “Whilst it is not our current practice to plant this type of tree in this type of location, we all enjoy the presence of trees in our streets which add to the character of the street scene throughout the year.

“The minor inconvenience around autumn in particular, when the leaves or fruit fall, is inevitably part of the seasonal pattern.

“We have already cleared the fruit away once but will do so again this week when the next scheduled clean is due.”

Which makes me think they value the beautiful tree more than the lazy, whinging ratepayer. And I can't help but think they're right.

And The ‘Maria Carey Award For Ridiculous Environmental Ideas’ Goes To…

Two students at the University of East Anglia have started a campaign called #gowiththeflow encouraging their colleagues on campus to urinate in the shower to save water.

Eeeeewwww!

The pair are representing UEA in Npower’s Future Leader’s Challenge which encourages students to come up with an environmental initiative on campus.

And they came up with an excuse for students to be slobs instead! Genius!

Well, If There’s To Be A ‘Silly Season’ Lasssssst Hurrah…

…might as well make it a good one:

The world's largest venomous snake could be to blame for the rising number of cats that have disappeared from a West Sussex town.

Hang on, the world’s largest venomous snake? Wouldn’t that be a …?

A king cobra has been spotted outside East Grinstead's Queen Victoria Hospital by resident Trevor Gamble.

Well, blow me down! That would be something to strike fear into the hearts of residents! Never mind the cats, what about the people?

He immediately dialled 999 but was told the incident was not an emergency and then advised to call the RSPCA.

Ummm, what? What could be more of an emergency, unless you think the bloke’s having you on? And if you do think that, why go overboard when someone reports a lion on the loose (which is just as unlikely)?

Dave Breden, of the East Sussex Reptile and Amphibian Society, thought Mr Gamble must be mistaken. He said: "Quite often I've been called out to deal with a 10ft python on the loose, only to find a three–foot corn snake."

Quite! And I suspect the only cobra Mr Gamble’s familiar with is the one he orders with his curry…

Alternatively, They Could Go Work For 'The Guardian'...

After all, it isn't known as the 'Grauniad' for nothing...

Sunday Funnies...

Oh, damn, we only made no 3...

Joan Smith Goes To The Movies…

Like most people, I expect you go to the movies to be entertained.

Well, of course. But then I’m not a ‘Guardian’; columnist, who clearly goes to the movies to be OUTRAGED!

Affleck wouldn’t dream of suggesting that the US had clean hands in events such as its historic support for the Shah of Iran, but recycling the most egregious myths about gender-based violence is, apparently, another matter. I don’t want to spoil the plot for anyone who hasn’t seen the film, but one of its key themes is the notion that it’s childishly easy to get away with making false allegations of rape and domestic violence.

Well, isn’t it?

I’m wondering why men who have seen the film aren’t up in arms – please tell me they are – about the portrayal of their sex as a bunch of credulous idiots.

Well, maybe because it’s exactly how the progressives have trained them to think of themselves, perhaps?

… let’s go back to that report I mentioned earlier, and what it had to say about false allegations of rape and domestic violence. Starmer described them as “very rare” and went on to say something that might have been written with Gone Girl in mind. “In recent years we have worked hard to dispel the damaging myths and stereotypes that are associated with these cases,” he observed with a hint of weariness. Everyone who works in this area knows what he means, and foremost among those myths is the idea that victims can’t be trusted. It’s a favourite theme of the Daily Mail, which is always ready to clear its front page to highlight cases of men who have been acquitted of rape, without pointing out that false allegations are rare.

Some ‘victims’ can’t be trusted, Joan, and worst of all, they are often multiple accusers who are never punished and are treated as if they hadn’t previously cried wolf on numerous occasions.

Raising that in a film is a perfectly legitimate point to make, even if it doesn’t accord with feminist dogma.

The ‘Hands Up, Don’t Shoot’ Meme Needs To Become Reality, Not Just A Slogan…

Authorities in Missouri are braced for a weekend of reinvigorated protests around the city of Ferguson over the killing of Michael Brown, after another black 18-year-old was shot dead by a police officer in nearby St Louis.

Gosh, for just walking down the street?

Police said Myers was shot after shooting at the officer three times with a handgun following a chase.

Ah. Yes. That will get you shot!

Myers’s death led quickly to tense scenes. Dozens of angry demonstrators chanted slogans such as “hands up, don’t shoot” , the motto of those protesting over the shooting of Brown, while relatives mourned. Police were forced to close down sections of a major thoroughfare.

It’s not enough to shout ‘Hands up, don’t shoot’ if you don’t put it into practice, is it?

And once again, it takes nanoseconds for the ‘he was doing nothing wrong!’ meme to be blown apart:

In a later statement, police said Myers’s 9mm handgun was recovered from the scene and had been reported stolen on 26 September, rebutting claims from relatives who said Myers was only holding a sandwich.

Whoops!

Myers was charged with possession of an unlawful weapon and resisting arrest in June, and was placed under house arrest.

Oh dear! Another ‘innocent boy’ who turns out to be anything but…

Thames Valley Police: Now Hiring Liars And/Or Morons!

A man who filmed himself shooting swans on the River Thames and uploaded the footage to Facebook has…

Been sent to the Tower?

… avoided jail.

Ah. Of course.

Redouane Flissi, 22, of Slough, admitted shooting the birds with an air pistol on May 8. Thames Valley Police said he uploaded the video to Facebook which was seen by members of the public.

He was arrested on May 8 and also damaged a book belonging to police while he was held in custody. Flissi was charged with injuring a wild bird and criminal damage to a property valued under £5,000.

A textbook case, butting up against the notorious leniency of the justice system.

He was handed a suspended sentence of 16 weeks imprisonment, suspended 12 months and fined £85, police said.

Not that the police seem to have noticed this:

Investigating officer PC Robin Nickless, from Windsor police station, said: “This offender was so brazen as to put a video of the act on Facebook, and to write that the act was committed against a swan, in Windsor.

“This conviction shows how it is completely unacceptable to injure any animal on the River Thames, especially a bird belonging to the Queen. Any offenders caught will be swiftly brought to justice.”

You call that ‘justice’? Are you an idiot?

And if not...who are you trying to kid, yourself or us?

Fat Is A Feminist Racial Issue!

Ian Birrell frets over Africa’s growing population:

When the first McDonald’s restaurant opened almost two decades ago in Johannesburg, a teenage boy named Thando Tshabalala was among the thousands who stood in line patiently waiting to try one of those famous burgers.

“We had seen this place in every movie we ever watched, and it seemed to be mentioned in every song, so I had to try it for myself,” he said.

Hurrah for global culture, eh?

Tshabalala, now a successful 33-year-old corporate trainer, still enjoys fast food. When we met he was eating a steak sandwich in the food court of a smart shopping mall, sitting among scores of shoppers and families feasting on curries, pizzas, fried fish and the ubiquitous chips.

But that skinny teenager has grown into a 5’5” man weighing almost 17 stone – and today he struggles to find clothes to fit his inflated body and complains that seats are becoming too small for comfort.

And this is a problem. Apparently.

According to the usual suspects, who’d rather the South Africans walked 40 miles a day for a handful of mealie porridge that they had to arm-wrestle a baboon for, I suppose…

Fat is no longer just a developed world problem. Forget those tired old clichés beloved by the aid industry. Today more people in poorer countries go to bed each night having consumed too many calories than go to bed hungry – a revelation that underlines the breakneck pace of change on our planet.

Yup, we’ve solved the hunger problem, so don’t think we in the charity business are going to give up and find proper jobs, oh, dear me, no…

And let’s not forget that there are other reasons why obesity may be on the rise, and those reasons are cultural, not environmental:

Mchiza also pointed to cultural issues that fuel obesity in Africa, with big men seen as successful and big women seen as beautiful. “The majority of black South African men prefer chubby women,” said the 34-year-old scientist.

“If you are too thin it means your husband is not taking care of you or you are unhappy. And your children must be fat, too – we were force fed growing up, always told to eat up all our food and not waste anything on our plates.’

And then we have to throw AIDS into the mix:

Several township women mentioned told me of another depressing reason not to diet. “There is a stigma that if you are a black woman and start losing weight you might be ill, you might have HIV,” said Dudu Masooana, a friendly 38-year-old mother of three from Soweto whom I met as she lunched on fried chicken and pap, a traditional porridge made from ground maize.

“This really matters if you are a woman coming from the ghetto.”

AIDS in Africa was known as ‘slim’. So you can see why there may well be a stigma attached to being slim.

But at least the progressives have something else to obsess over, so everyone wins!