Make It Make Sense!

The UK’s only all-female chess team have been promoted to the game’s top tier – only to be told they will have to add a man to their squad. She Plays to Win Lionesses A Team have fallen foul of a rule designed to boost female participation in the sport.

Does not compute? 

The Four Nations Chess League (4NCL) requires all of its first division teams to have at least one player of each gender on its roster.

Did no-one think this might backfire? Did they not believe there would ever be a successful women's tean, then? 

“There’s no shortage of male players in the division,” she said. “The whole point of the team is to bring female representation when there isn’t really any at all, and they introduced this rule because there weren’t enough female players. 

“It’s going against the entirety of the rule and it undermines what we’re trying to do as a team. 

“The expectations for me were always a lot lower than they were for male players. I’d have coaches say things like: ‘You’re very good for a girl.’

Guess they just are all male chavaunist pigs and idiots to boot!  

So, They DO Believe In Something At Our Top Christian Site After All!

No, of course it isn't God. It's the other fella:

The Wind in the Willows is one of the most beloved books of British children’s literature, but while most people think of the jolly adventures of Toad, Mole and Rat, Kenneth Grahame’s 1908 story has a darker side. And it was a step too far for the Beadle security guards at Westminster Abbey, who told a visitor wearing a sweatshirt with an illustration from the book that she had to take it off because it was “an image of the devil”.

Reader, it wasn't any such thing!  

Chapter seven of the book is entitled Piper at the Gates of Dawn – borrowed by Pink Floyd for the title of their debut album in 1967 – in which the doughty animals encounter a variation of the Greek satyr-like god Pan while searching for Otter’s missing son. It was this image as envisaged by the artist W Graham Robertson for the cover of the first edition of the book that was used by folklore magazine Hellebore on its clothing and merchandise, and which Linsey Teggert – a self-confessed folklore fan and “history nerd” – was wearing on a visit to the abbey on Monday morning.

“We walked through the security scanner at the entrance but then one of the security guards called me back. I just thought he wanted to check my bag or something. “Then he said I’d have to take off the top or cover it up because it was an image of the devil and it might offend people in the abbey.”

If she had nothing but a bra undernreath would that not offend more people? 

Linsey argued that it wasn’t the devil, but a representation of Pan.

Foolish to try to argue theology with some minimum wage security drone - he doesn't have any autonomy, and probably comes from a culture alien to British folklore or Greek mythology - he likely has a list of 'offensive things' spelled out for him he can't - nd won't -  deviate from.

She said: “I started to tell him, because I’m a total history nerd, that there are loads of folklore and mythology-related carvings inside the abbey, and I was talking about the Green Man, but he wasn’t having it. He said: ‘Well, it’s got horns and it’s demonic.’

See? 

A spokesperson for Westminster Abbey said the abbey has a dress code that says: “As Westminster Abbey is a church and place of daily worship, we ask you to show respect and sensitivity in the way you dress.”

She added: “I think it’s possible that the message on the clothing was misinterpreted. We will share this feedback with our security colleagues.”

Might I suggest a new T-Shirt for your next visir, Linsey? Probably get a smile and a thumb's up from security wearing this.... 

OK, I'm Sure It's A Chance Worth Taking...

The amendments have been criticised by some cyclists. Chris Boardman, the former Olympic cyclist and national active travel commissioner for England, said the new laws could prevent people from cycling.

Really? What new laws are these? 

The offence of causing death by dangerous cycling would be brought into line with driving laws under amendments tabled on Thursday, the Department for Transport said.

Well, Chris, I guess asking lycra louts and MAMILs to obey the basics and not put pedestrians at risk is just too much for some. Is that really the message you wanted to send? 

A DfT spokesperson said: “Dangerous cycling is completely unacceptable, and the safety of our roads is a key priority for this government. “The government is proposing new offences and penalties for dangerous cycling, updating legislation that is over 160 years old, to ensure that the tiny minority who recklessly disregard others face the full force of the law.

Chris seems to think it's more than a tiny minority. Maybe Chris is wrong? 

“These are being brought forward as part of the crime and policing bill and will be debated in due course.”

I can't wait for Chris to announce his participation in the debate!  

Glad I Downloaded The TrainLine App....

...it usually has the platform info long before it goes up on the boards, and it's rarely wrong. Looks like I'm going to need it in future:

Rail bosses have been accused of patronising passengers by hiding trains’ departure information minutes before they are due to leave in a bid to tackle last-moment platform dashes. Under the scheme, which is being trialled at King’s Cross, the final call for long-distance trains will be made four minutes before departure. Train details will be deleted from departure boards three minutes before they leave.

Why are they doing this? Well, would you believe - to try to stop the very thing it's almost certain to exacerbate?

Network Rail said the scheme was designed to stop passengers dashing for trains. A poster for the scheme said: “This is so everyone can board safely and keep trains running on time.”

How could shorterning the time between announcement and departure EVER do that? You couldn't have come up with a better scheme to increase panic dashing if you'd actually TRIED...? 

Truly, we are into clown world territory.

But passengers have reacted with fury, saying they should be given the information to decide for themselves. Many also fear the system will cause more rushing than it prevents. They pointed out that trains’ platform departures are often only revealed minutes before they are due to depart, so the new system could only give them seconds to react to platform announcements.

Not to mention that the intercity trains are very long and it always seems the carriage you want is right at the opposite end... 

MJ Simpson pointed to a flaw in the plans. He wrote: “So if you’re booked on the 5.25 and you get to the station at 5.23, there will be no sign of the 5.25 on the departure board, even though it hasn’t left yet. Have I got that right?”

Yes, incredibly enough, you appear to have it right. It's almost as if the rail companies want to sell us tickets we can't use, isn't it? 

It's As Regular As Clockwork...

...cometh the election, cometh the idiot: 

A Green Party activist has lost part of her finger after a dog chomped down on it while she was posting campaign fliers through the letter box. Danica Priest, who is running to be a councilor in the Filwood area of Bristol, was left in hospital after a dog took the end of her digit off.

*sigh* 

Liberal Democrat candidate Caroline Gooch added: 'Sorry to read that. Noone should be maimed using a letterbox.

'If people have bitey dogs they should have a letterbox cage or external letterbox.'

There's another option, of course, but why would a LibDumb ever think of it?  

And a third, Tash, continued: 'Oh poor you, wishing you better.

'Old trick, take wooden spoon to push leaflets through/hold letter boxes open.'

Well done, Tash.  

The Mentality Of Dangerous Dog Owners...

A dog owner who was savaged by her Rottweilers has said that she is 'nothing' without them after both were euthanised following the attack.

Nikita Piil, 31, almost died when her two dogs, Harlem and Bronx, mauled her at her Success home, in the southern suburbs of Perth, on September 16. Her family later said she was trying to calm the dogs following an incident in the neighbourhood when she unfortunately got caught in the crossfire and was attacked herself.

Yet more evidence these people are utterly deranged.  

Ms Piil was raced to hospital with severe injuries to her arm, legs and head and has since undergone at least five life-saving operations.

During the attack, police were forced to shoot Bronx following failed attempts to distract and Taser the dog.

At least they didn't then try to revive the mutt, like the idiots in the Met Police! Not that they were able to shoot straight...

He was later euthanised by vets.

*rolls eyes* Back to the range, cobber! 

About six weeks later, she was asked to surrender Harlem to City of Cockburn's animal management centre so he could be put down. Ms Piil has never spoken publicly about the attack, but has quietly turned her social media bios into tributes for her beloved pets in recent weeks.

There's no hope for people like this. 

The Wit And Wisdom Of Martha Gill...

What to do about shoplifting? It’s a delicate subject.

Is it, Martha? Why?

Shoplifting is not quite like other crimes.

How does it differ, then?

Pilfering, purloining, filching, snaffling – it is by nature relatively trivial, the sort of thing children try their hands at without necessarily graduating to car heists and bank jobs.

I thank my stars I clearly didn't have your upbringing, then. Because theft is theft, whether we are talking about nicking baby powder from Boots or bullion from Brinks Mat. 

And it may be 'relatively trivial' in your mind, but not when done on an organised scale to the big supermarkets or the hard-pressed sole proprietor. It's not trivial when staff are threatened or assaulted. 

...most of all, shoplifting is a crime that seems to reflect social need: it rises when the economy dips.

Ah, of course. The fact that organised gangs are now behind it, or drug addicts stealing to sell for their next fix, is ignored; in Martha's feeble brain, it's always Jean Valjean stealing a loaf of bread... 

Not only does “cracking down” on shoplifters through the criminal justice system raise difficult moral problems, it doesn’t even work.

Since when has combating theft - or any crime - caused a 'difficult moral problem'..? Surely not cracking down causes that, as we can see in California, as David Thompson's readership is quick to point out?  

Technology has made breaking the law much harder. The use of deadlocks has decimated car theft...

And the use of keyless entry has increased it again. Technology is always a two-edged sword.  

Yet in many modern shops, we have the opposite phenomenon. Although some security measures have increased, with door alarms and beeping tags, in other ways theft has become easier. Once goods were kept behind counters, but since the birth of large supermarkets they have been laid out near the door, ready for the taking. Automated self check-out means the customer in effect monitors their own behaviour. Staff levels have dropped precipitously.

Yes, and women wearing short skirts increases rape, eh, Martha? 

What The Hell Is Wrong With People Pt 257398745623

On the same day two XL Bullies in different parts of the country do what these brutes were bred for, another breed gets in on the act, (and it appears from Facebook they were a known issue in the neighbourhood) though this time, armed police actually do the job they are paid to do, finally:

Police have shot and killed two dogs after an elderly man was attacked while walking his own spaniel. The man, in his 70s, suffered serious injuries following the mauling in Bognor Regis this morning.

Sussex Police confirmed firearms officers shot dead two animals believed to be Rottweilers.

Who could possibly disagree with their actions?

Eye witness Candy Shepherd, 49, said she heard a series of loud bangs and thought there had been an explosion.

'At about 9.50am I heard pop, pop, pop, pop and I thought it was a gas explosion. I saw one of the Rottweilers on the grass and I thought he had been electrocuted.

'I could see foam coming from his mouth. I went over to see if I could help the dog and I've got two armed police running towards me with their guns telling me to get away.

'The old boy was walking his little Spaniel. They have gone for his dog and mauled him when he tried to get in-between them.

'The police told me he is seriously hurt. I asked the police why they had to kill the dog.'

They walk among us, and they have the vote... 

"Stop! Hammer Time!"

A neighbour said they saw a man leave the house carrying a hammer before sinking to the floor in apparent 'relief' as police arrived on scene. The breed of the dog is still unknown while police await confirmation from a vet.

Well, the sort of family 'pet' that sends three people to Casualty and has to be fought to the death with whatever household implements come to hand probably isn't a Labrador or a cocker spaniel, is it?

An estimated ten police cars, an ambulance, an air ambulance and a black unmarked car had arrived outside the residential property at around 9am.

Residents had said Boughton Avenue was a quiet street with few things going on. One said: "It is shocking and frightening that something like that has happened."

Is it really? There was no warning a large and potentially dangerous animal lived at the address?

Naturally, the pitnutters are out in force, declaring their sorrow for the animal. But then, it seems some of them struggle with all kinds of concepts. Like, for instance, 'news':

 *sighs* 

Yet More Joined-Up Government...

So, you'd rather they smoked real cigarettes instead, as Tim points out?

/facepalm

The Department of Health and Social Care (DHSC) is trying to balance finding ways to cut underage vaping while at the same time ensuring vapes are available to help adult smokers to quit.

We are ruled by morons. 

The government has an ambitious plan of making England smoke-free by 2030.

The government has lots of ambitious plans. They backfire more than Wile E. Coyote's do...  

It's Called 'Consequences', Vicky...

...and it's about time you and the rest of the eco-loons faced them:

A fuel price protester arrested after taking part in a 'go slow' demonstration which caused gridlock on the Severn Bridge has moaned about the state of her police cell.

Vicky Stamper - who was one of the 12 drivers arrested on Monday after slowing traffic on the M4 between England and Wales - claims she was kept in custody by Gwent Police for 11 hours. The former HGV driver, from Cwmbran, South Wales, claims the police cell was squalid 'with blood up the walls and sick over the toilet'. 

She also claims she was slapped with a £150 charge to get her car back after it was seized by officers during the protests.

Ha ha ha ha ha!  

Ms Stamper, who said she recently lost her job as a HGV driver due to the rising fuel costs, was told she must pay £150 to get her car back, rising by £21 each day she failed to pay, she claimed.

'If I paid that I wouldn't be able to do any shopping for two weeks - I would have to go without food so my 16-year-old son can eat,' Mrs Stamper said.

Looking at the state of you, I don't really think that's the bad idea that you seem to think it is...

But then, clearly, you aren't the sharpest knife in the drawer, eh? 

She later phoned Gwent Police on Tuesday morning to complain. She said: 'I said I'd like to report my car stolen. They said, "Right, do you have any idea who it was?" I told them, "Yeah I know exactly who it was". They said "who" and I said, "You lot."

'I told them they'd taken it off my partner who was more than capable and insured to drive it home. He ended up paying £16 for a taxi from Magor services.

Eventually the police hung up on me.'

The 'Daily Mail' will clearly lap up your sob story, though.  

Well, Yes, And..?

...

...

... ok, who could possibly argue that this is wrong? 

I mean, you'd have to be an utter mouth-breating, room temperature IQ moron to not realise this. Or perhaps a deeply cynical opportunist who sees a chance for self-aggrandising publicity.

Yesterday, Labour MP Jess Phillips – who is campaigning for justice for the 21 killed in the 1974 Birmingham pub bombings, said it was ‘crass and insensitive’ to compare the seriousness of rape with murder.

Oh. Turns out it's 'both'. 

Oh Look, It's Deja Vu - Again!

A long serving Bradford councilor has issued a warning after she suffered injuries to her hand...

Oh, how?  

...when she was attacked by a dog through a letterbox.

Christ, it's not as if it's an unforseeable consequence, is it?

She rang Idle Medical Centre (Ed: SNORK!) and was seen by her GP straight away.

She's lucky! 

Cllr Sunderland, who said she has been unable to drive since the incident, thanked people who have been helping her.

"I'm doing ok because I'm getting lots of sympathy and help."

You're getting no sympathy from me.

A Stunning Loss To The Profession, I'm Sure...

A 23-year-old business law student who died after eating a suspected cannabis sweet has been pictured.

If you're imagining a young chap with spots and a waistcoat, well, errr, think again! 

 Huh!

Damilola Olakanmi, from Ilford, east London, bought the 'gummies' through a messaging app and they were delivered to her home where she fell ill last Tuesday.

The Hertfordshire University student was rushed to Queen's Hospital, Romford, at around 11.30pm - but died on April 2.

Not a difficult investigation for the Met, this one: 

Leon Brown, 37, of South Norwood, was arrested on Friday in connection with the incident. He was charged with possession with intent to supply Class B synthetic cannabinoid, being concerned in the supply of a synthetic cannabinoid, and possession with intent to supply a psychoactive substance.

The Met said he was found in possession of a large quantity of cash and what were believed to be edible cannabis products.

Believed to be edible by the police, or by Leon's ever-shortening list of customers? 

Just Daffy...

A council has been branded 'totally bonkers' after it said it would stop planting daffodils for health and safety reasons...

*blinks*  

...in case children eat them.

Where is this town of inbreds, then? Wales? Scotland? 

Well, would you believe...Cornwall?

St Blaise Town Council in Cornwall, has also denied cutting more than 1,000 of the flowers down after residents planted them in a park.

Dr Mark Evans, from the South West Health Protection Unit, said: 'Daffodils are toxic and severe vomiting and diarrhoea can occur if eaten by mistake.

'Although very unpleasant, most people will recover fully without treatment.'

St Blaise Town Council confirmed it would no longer plant daffodils for health and safety reasons after recent play park inspection training.

Not the sort of training it appears they need most, is it? 

Mr West said: 'I'm just bewildered by their decision. This the craziest thing I have heard. Children don't eat daffodils.

'The community will be really sad and disappointed when daffodils bring so much joy to so many.

'The ivy growing along the wall is poisonous. Eating the rubber from the play park climbing frame is poisonous. Where do you stop?'

Please don't give them ideas, Mr West... 

When You Have Idiots For Neighbours...

One neighbour, who did not wish to be named, said: "I was out at the time [of the incident], but she [the woman who was attacked] was out with the dog the other day. She was with it and she called it back and it was quite obedient, actually.

"It was like a terrier, quite stocky, and it seemed quite friendly with her."

I'm guessing we aren't talking 'Jack Russell' or 'Sealyham' here? 

Another neighbour added: "He was a lovely dog, really well behaved - so I don't understand it. Obviously it's bad what's happened but that's a beautiful dog now going to be destroyed.

"He really is a lovely dog, I just can't believe he has done it because he's such a nice dog."

*blinks* It's sent three people to the hospital! 

Nobody is believed to have been arrested and it has not yet been confirmed if the dog has been seized.

It should have been despatched at the scene. Along with the other brainless mutts who owned it.  

Great Timing!

A 30-year-old law which demands that dogs from banned breeds are put down is “unfit for purpose” and must be reformed, Scotland’s leading animal welfare charity has warned.

The Scottish SPCA has called for the Dangerous Dogs Act 1991 to be overhauled so three breeds — Japanese tosa, dogo argentino and Brazilian mastiff — and one type, the American pitbull, avoid automatic the euthanasia (sic) if they are identified.

I think it should be overhauled too...but to add breeds to it! 

Scotland isn't the only place with idiots calling for it to be watered down, either:

Campaigners such as Ms Medhi are now calling for reform of the Dangerous Dogs Act, with her recent petition now signed by 50,000 people urging ministers to change the law.

“This is dog racism, how can you determine a dog to be dangerous by its look?” she asked.

Actually, pretty easily! 

A four-year-old boy was allegedly attacked by a pitbull dog outside a Sainsbury's supermarket today.

The youngster was savaged by the hulking XL American Bully outside the store in Wolverhampton, according to shocked witnesses.

Which mouth-breathing moron owns this dangerous mutt? 

The dog is said to be an 11-month-old called Donnie owned by a homeless man, who has apologised but denied that it had bitten the boy, saying it was a 'graze'.

Wait, what? How does a 'homeless man' - assuming he's genuinely homeless - afford a large, powerful animal like this? 

Sergeant Robert Pritchard, from Wolverhampton Police, said: 'The child was taken to hospital for treatment but his physical injuries are not believed to be life-changing and we wish him well for a speedy recovery. He must have been very frightened.

'The dog, thought to be an American Bully XL, was seized by officers at the scene and is now being looked after in our kennels. Its breed will be confirmed as part of our investigation.'

What does its breed matter? It's dangerous and should be put down. 

The dog's owner, who remained sitting outside the supermarket, denied the animal had bitten the youngster. He insisted his dog 'never misbehaves'.

The man said: 'The kid has come running down and startled Donnie. Donnie jumped up and knocked him over. It wasn't a bite - it's a graze.

'The police have got my dog. They have said I'll get him back in a couple of weeks if he behaves himself. '

/facepalm 

They're A Bit Busy Playing Beach Volleyball, Maybe?

I assume she meant 'Myanmar', but who really knows..?

*Looks Up 'Good Progress' In The Dictionary*

The 23-year-old attacked the security guard less than three months after posing outside court where he received a suspended prison sentence for a rampage and attack on police.

But despite telling the court he was “shocked and embarrassed” by his behaviour, Jupp attacked the bouncer in August last year.

Watch our amazing crtiminal justice system swing into action and...

Oh. Wait...

At Brighton Magistrates’ Court, he admitted the latest assault charge. But he was spared a prison sentence by District Judge Tessa Szagun because he has made “good progress” on his previous suspended sentence.

Err....

"Bake The Cake, Bigots!"

A Condado Tacos in Columbus, Ohio, came under scrutiny on Monday after social media posts alleged that the chain’s suburban Polaris location had filled a large food order for Ohio Highway Patrol officers in the midst of national protests highlighting police brutality.

Shop sells food, NEWS AT ELEVEN!

On Monday, at least four employees were allegedly fired by a district manager for refusing to fill the order and choosing to walkout during a shift.

And quite rightly so. When did they get to choose who they serve?

Condado Tacos is an Ohio-based Mexican restaurant chain with nearly 20 locations across the Rust Belt. Eater reached out to employees at other locations who were in direct contact with Condado Polaris workers and one worker who was involved in the the walkout. All agreed that the culture at their individual restaurants was supportive of actions being taken by demonstrators, with one employee stating that managers had offered time-off to protest and committed to bail employees out of jail if they were arrested.

Frankly, if they want to stir up trouble for themselves in this way, it's their business, But having given the inch, they shouldn't be too surprised when the ingrates they employ come back for the mile...

However, the incident has left many employees and customers uncomfortable with upper management.

Well, they can always get a job somewhere else. It's a free country.

A separate tweet from a person claiming to be an employee, @gsheamercer, went viral on Monday evening receiving more than 10,000 retweets and 61,000 likes. In the tweet, @gsheamercer writes, “today on my day off my job forced us to do a massive catering order for the columbus police department. the staff walked out and was fired. when i go in tm, myself and other are gonna demand an apology and if we don’t get it we also will walk out.”

Good news for unemployed Columbus citizens needing a job then.