Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes?

A police officer later exposed as a violent serial rapist passed vetting checks to join his force despite two existing reports of criminal behaviour against women.

What use are vetting checks that don’t work? 

Alan Greer was investigated by police in 2002 and 2005 for making inappropriate phone calls to women and in one case was given a formal police caution.But he was given a job at Strathclyde Police – now Police Scotland – in 2009 despite vetting staff knowing about his history.

Police Scotland had claimed there were no 'missed opportunities' to expose Greer's offending sooner...

Really? Surely they wouldn’t lie about such a thing? 

...but has now said its comments related only to the officer's police career, not his vetting.

Ah lying by omission. Or ‘clever PR’, as we no doubt refer to it these days…

Last month Lynn Ratcliff, assistant chief constable, said vetting was 'markedly different' compared to when Greer undertook the process and added he would not have passed current checks.

Is that another lie? Reader, it is, and an easily disproved one, at that! 

A Strathclyde Police handbook from 2006, which details its standard operating procedures, said the force 'should not recruit people with cautions or convictions, which may call into question the integrity of the applicant or the force'.

Perhaps Lynn Ratcliffe should come under sctutiny for lying to the public? 

A Police Scotland spokesman said: 'We have been completely open and transparent around information which can be shared in relation to the ongoing investigation into Alan Greer.

No you haven't - you've obfuscated and flat out lied at every turn so incompetently you've immediately  been found out! I'm embarrassed for you. 

We Know You're A Bird-Brain, Stella, No Need To Prove It...

The lefty Labour MP posted a video on X showcasing what she believed to be an escaped pet parrot in a Walthamstow park.

And the internet responded with its usual magnificence posting pictures of badgers with 'lost dog found' captions, until the relentless mocking meant she deleted her Tweet. But of course, she’s equally ignorant of the fact that screenshots exist as she is the existence of feral parakeets.

Are The BBC Getting Their Reporters From The ‘Daily Mail’ Now?

An escaped big cat believed to have been roaming the countryside for two months has been captured after being found with injuries in a plant pot in a back garden

They didn't learn a thing last time , did they? The fact a 'big cat' fits into a plant pot should give them pause, surely?

Kevin Murphy, of Norfolk Wildlife Rescue, has been trying to track down the Savannah cat since it was spotted three weeks ago near Bramerton, south of Norwich. The feline is native to sub-Saharan Africa and it had been on the loose since escaping from its home in May.

No, one of the species that makes up this hybrid animal is native to Africa... 

What A Pity Sir David Attenborough Doesn't Read The News...

 ...bevause he would stop you from embarassing yourself with this headline.

Kevin Murphy, who runs Norfolk Wildlife Rescue, told the BBC he would attempt to capture the feline, believed to be a Savannah cat, first spotted on Tuesday night in the Bramerton area, near Norwich.A Savannah cat is a hybrid breed created by crossing a serval, which is native to sub-Saharan Africa, with a domesticated cat breed.

Even if it turned out to be a serval, it wouldn't be classed as a 'big cat'. Yes, it's large, but the term doesn't relate to size. 

Geography According To The 'Mail'....

 

I always thought Greece was in the Med. Not the Caribbean! 

Considering Leaving Money To Charity?

A farmer was left 'baffled' after his sheepdog was reported to the RSPCA for rounding up his own flock. Tom Trueman, 42, received a complaint from the animal welfare charity after reports that his border collie had been seen 'worrying' sheep. He was sent two pamphlets alongside the complaint titled 'dog behaviour' and 'how to look after your dog'.

A waste of time and little old ladies' bequests to this wretched 'charity'... 

Purplexed (sic), Mr Trueman looked further into the report and was stunned to discover that it was lodged against his own sheepdog Tilly, who had been helping him round up runaway sheep on a nearby road. 

The eighth-generation farmer, from Buckfastleigh, Devon, said: 'The whole thing is laughable really! 'Usually if you see a sheep, a sheepdog and farmer you put two and two together.

And who did they send?  

He said: 'The inspector was a farmer's daughter from Devon, so she understood the situation and we both had a good laugh - she even said to tear up the letter and put it in the bin.

She shouldn't have wasted her time visiting him in the first place!  

Professional Journalism...

 Don't expect it from 'The Guardian' where they can't even agree on the name of the whale...

Timmy? Or not?

Oh! No-one told the photo editor!

Species Is The Word, Not Breeds…

 …but this is what we expect from the ‘Daily Mail’ after all…🤷‍♀️

Must Be A Day With A ‘Y’ In It…

A Metropolitan Police officer failed to disclose he had been dismissed from another force 21 years ago and barred from joining a third in the latest vetting scandal.

Really, a day when the Met Police doesn’t disgrace itself must surely be coming, but that day is not yet here. 

PC Richard Fieldhouse served for around three years until his lies were uncovered in December 2022. Fieldhouse quit Hampshire Constabulary while under investigation in 2005 for breaches of “honesty and integrity” relating to his handling of a wanted suspect, a gross misconduct panel heard.

In April 2007, he applied to join Surrey Police. However, as part of its background checks Hampshire revealed Fieldhouse had once falsified a statement and been found guilty in his absence.His assessment day in Guildford, Surrey was cancelled and the force subsequently blocked him.

Gosh, what's a wanna-be crooked cop to do? Reader, you guessed it!  

Undeterred, Fieldhouse sought to join the Met in February 2019 after declaring a driving job. Although admitting to working for Hampshire and being rejected by Surrey, he simply answered “no” to a question on his application form that asked whether he had previously been admonished or subject to discipline matters by any previous employer, regulatory or professional body. 

He successfully became a constable in London four months later.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph and the wee donkey

Commander Stephen Clayman, who chaired the hearing, said: “Honesty is a fundamental requirement of any police officer."

How about competence? It seems that would be more useful, especially in your HR department. 

It is not known when he resigned from the Met, but on January 27 the ex-officer disengaged with the process and no longer wanted a Police Federation representative. Had Fieldhouse not quit, he would have been dismissed without notice for discreditable conduct. He will be placed on the College of Policing barred list.

So, are we to assume from that, that he wasn’t on it before. What does one have to do?

Must Be A Day With A 'Y' In It...

 ...because the 'Mail' fudges an animal story yet again:

What the spokeman for the California Department of Fish and Wildlife would have said is'they hunt for mule deer'

And This Is A National Chain!

 But they can't seem to employ anyone who knows the rules of English Grammar!

Well, I Suppose They Did At Least Get The Species And Breed Right This Time...

 ..which, let's face it. is good going for this particular member of the MSM!

Germiran Bryson, 26, showed up at Las Vegas’ Harry Reid International Airport with her two-year-old goldendoodle earlier this month, only to be turned away when she didn’t have the proper paperwork to bring the pup aboard as a service animal.

*sighs* A two year old dog is in no sense 'a puppy'... 

I Beg Your Pardon?

                                 

The term is 'hangdog'....

Well, I'll Be A Monkey's Uncle....

Have you ever seen someone walking their pet monkey down the seafront in Sheringham, Holkham or Cromer? For an area that had no registered monkeys living in it as of 2023, an official warning about keeping primates as pets might seem pretty bananas.

You're not kidding. 

But North Norfolk District Council has issued an official statement urging anyone who privately owns a monkey in Norfolk to get a licence before April 6.

The comments, it's fair to say, didn't go as planned.   

Why this legislation in the first place?

 They aim to improve the lives of "intelligent primates with complex emotional, social and cognitive needs that are difficult to meet in most domestic environments".

So are we. Couldn't legislation seek to improve our lives for once? Oh well, I'm sure it won't make anything worse, at least... 

Monkey owners with just one ape to their name must also expand their troop and buy some more primates if they want a chance of getting approved. Under the new law, pet monkeys must be kept in "social groups" unless a vet advises otherwise.

 *sigh* I should know better by now...

In 2023, a survey by wildlife charity Born Free revealed how many exotic licensed animals were living in Norfolk.It found that only one monkey - a black and white ruffed lemur - was being kept as a pet in Nelson's County, in Breckland.

Typical local newspaper - lemurs are primates, but they are not monkeys. 

Say What You Want About The Freemasons...

 

...but at least they can spell! 

I Beg Your Pardon?

 Browsing the online sales, I came upon this at M&S: 

Since when has a jacket been a 'trench coat', even a short one? 

Handy, If You've Got A Paper Car!

 

Spuotterd at this advert.

H/T: Dave Ward via email

Freudian Slip, 'Evening Standard'?

                                         

Essex Police began an investigation after his ex made a complaint several weeks ago that he allegedly attempted to rape her during their relationship.

I Have Questions....

 

African animals, Schleich? Are you sure? All of them? 

HIghly Trained Professionals

That's what we are always told armed police are. And yet...

A police officer has been shot in the leg by a police firearm while trying to detain a man with a machete. The Gloucestershire Constabulary officer was taken to hospital with a non life-threatening leg injury after the incident in Silverstone Walk, Gloucester, on Wednesday.

Oh, Gloucestershire... well, they have form. Perhap Mr Mickelthwaite's found a new job?

"My thoughts are with the officer who's been injured and his colleague following this incident," said temporary chief constable Maggie Blyth. "I am grateful for the bravery they have shown in detaining someone suspected of carrying out a robbery and possessing a machete and who was believed to have been a real danger to the public."

Sounds to me like he’s not the only one! And if you send armed officers, shouldn’t they stand well away and use the threat of  their guns as a deterrent, rather than get close and start wrestling with the prisoner?

A spokesperson for the South Western Ambulance Service confirmed an ambulance, critical care car, a rapid response vehicle and the hazardous area response team attended the incident.

Why a ‘hazardous area response team’? Did he bleed acid like a xenomorph? 

A cordon has been put in place and police officers will remain in the area to provide reassurance to the public.

Very reassuring, I’m sure!