First World Shop Problems

Shop owners are usually worrying about light-fingered customers making off with their goods. But for one independent craft shop in East London, the real scourge is patrons with “excessively greasy hands”.

It's Hackney, so why are people's hands greasy?  Fried chicken? 

Fabrications has been trading on Broadway Market in Hackney for over 25 years, specialising in handmade, one-of-a-kind garments, sustainable fabrics and woven blankets. Its next door neighbour is the luxe cosmetics brand Aesop, whose distinctive amber bottles haunt the bathrooms of Millennial creatives and small plates restaurants across the city.Anyone who passes Aesop can try their £80 Resurrection hand balm for free – bottles of the woody, citrus-scented lotion are fixed in a bracket “strategically placed at the front door"

Oh, I see. 

While this is designed to tempt customers into the store, it is having a “major, accumulative, detrimental impact on our business”, according to Fabrications owner Barley Massey.In a sign posted in the shop window, Massey bemoaned the “free and unsupervised” use of the “aromatique and greasy” lotion. “Passers-by have been taking excessive amounts of this balm which is impossible to absorb into their hands,” Massey wrote. “We regularly witness people rubbing the excess cream on their arms, legs and even other people’s hands, faces, arms and legs”.

How revolting! But I guess that's Hackney for you. 

This meant that customers who then came into Fabrications were leaving unwanted smells and stains on their materials, causing “unnecessary stress” to staff. Fabrications were even losing business from “having to prevent customers with excessively greasy hands from entering the shop”.

Frankly, they sound like the sort of low-impulse-control customers you wouldn't want in your shop, so it could be argued that Aesop's doing you a favour by allowing them to mark themselves as such... 

According to Fabrications, Aesop has shown “no regard or interest to the problem”. The local MP, Meg Hillier, has even become involved, and Aesop was asked by Hackney Council to remove the sample bottles. Aesop did not immediately respond to The Standard’s request for comment.

Her requests have so far been brushed off, though at one point a manager did get in touch with a peace offering: some free Aesop hand sanitiser.

*chuckles* Well played, Aesop, well played... 

I Beg Your Pardon?

 Browsing the online sales, I came upon this at M&S: 

Since when has a jacket been a 'trench coat', even a short one? 

The Plastic Mesh Bags Were Bad Enough...

...making it hard to see what the brand you were buying was, and taking longer for the till operator ro remove. But this!

Tesco has installed artificial intelligence-style locked security cabinets in the alcohol aisles to stop shoplifters nicking booze. The technology works by asking shoppers to use a digital touchscreen and complete a 'four-step process' to open the cabinets, which contain premium spirits.

All because the police and justice system have been too lenient for too long.... 

It is understood to have been rolled out across a handful of larger Tesco stores, including Purley, Croydon, south London.

And no doubt soon to come to my local store. 

Recent research from the British Retail Consortium's (BRC) annual survey found the amount lost to shoplifting in the latest year was the highest ever recorded. Shoplifting cost retailers about £1.8 billion in the latest year, the first time it has surpassed the £1 billion mark, the BRC said.

But then, why is it still treated as a petty offence? 

Martyn James, an independent consumer champion, said: ' Is there a sadder indictment of society than this - the fact that buying a bottle of booze is now like getting into a high-end luxury jewellers?

'If the epidemic of shoplifting and aggressive customer behavior is not dealt with firmly and definitively, then we face a future where everything we buy is behind bars or plastic screens.

'That's not a future I want to live in.'

Me neither, but it seems we're heading that way regardless. 

This Happens Every Year…

Retailers in Great Britain suffered a dire Christmas as cash-strapped consumers cut back on shopping in December, fuelling the biggest fall in monthly sales since shops were forced to close during the coronavirus pandemic in 2021.

Sales plummeted 3.2% month on month as retailers across the board suffered as the cost of living crisis resulted in consumers making tough decisions, including choosing between buying food or presents. The Office for National Statistics (ONS) said that the sales slump, which followed a 1.4% rise in November fuelled by Black Friday promotions, hit all retail sectors.

It's as inevitable as Christmas itself.  

“Food stores performed very poorly, with their steepest fall since May 2021 as early Christmas shopping led to slow December sales. “Department stores, clothing shops and household goods retailers reported sluggish sales too as consumers spent less on Christmas gifts, but had also purchased earlier during Black Friday promotions, to help spread the cost.”

I remember when after-Christmas sales were things to look forward to, but - possibly as a result of the creeping Americanisms - now it's the pre-Christmas sales that everyone looks forward to.