"Your Mission, Should You Choose To Accept It..."

The Royal Navy is set to dismantle the masts from a sunken World War II wreck carrying 1,400 tons of unstable explosives, which sank off the coast of Kent in 1944.

The SS Richard Montgomery was a US Liberty Ship, which ran aground in August 1944, and despite frantic attempts to remove its deadly cargo, its hull cracked and sank off Medway in Kent.

It is now feared that an explosion could cause a 15ft high tsunami tidal wave and cause 'mass damage and loss of life', according to a new report by the Ministry of Defence.

Oo-er! I bet the TV rights are already being brokered... 

A team of bomb disposal experts trained in specialist underwater demolitions will remove the ship's masts during a two-month operation, according to the The Daily Telegraph.

Or a two minute operation, if they get it wrong! 

Are We Teaching The Armed Services To Just Surrender Now..?

A bystander during a Royal Marines ceremonial parade in Portsmouth 'felt very upset' when she saw the head and legs of the tiger pelt the drummer was wearing.

Sonia Livingstone, a Reading-based civil servant, told the Express: 'It's head and legs were clearly visible and I just felt very upset.

'Surely we should not be using animal skin when they are in such danger.

'There is just no need for it in 2019.'

So they patiently explained tradition and ceremony to her, yes?

A military source said: 'Band majors already practice with synthetic skins. Real skins can last for decades but must be cared for and used sparingly.

'Though they haven't been hunted for many years the decision has been made to end the use of real fur for this.'

A Royal Navy spokesman confirmed real fur is 'being replaced by synthetic versions as and when required'.

We're doomed.