You Are Wasting Your Time, Ladies…

…and I really hope you aren’t getting a council grant to do it:

An eco-friendly cleaning company is to host a free clinic to teach parents how to keep their homes spotless without using harmful products.

Wasn’t that something you once learned from your mother? Ah, happy days!

Hannah Jackson Matombe, founder of Spotless Organic, in Sunnyside Road, Crouch End, will host the workshop on Wednesday, March 25.

The clinic will discuss the importance of eliminating toxic chemicals and cleaning products from the home to keep the family healthy.

It aims to address the recent news that child hospital related admissions in the UK have risen by 15 per cent over the past year.

The sort of families that these admissions come from don’t worry about toxic chemicals unless they are able to snort, smoke or inject them!

Tune Time: "Then came the circus so I followed its parade, with all the fancy lion-tamers, high-wire fiery flamers..."

No doubt about this month's choice, it's quite the most dramatic song I think I've ever heard on Radio Two (and one of the longest) - it is, of course, Grace Slick's 'Dreams':

 

Utterly amazing vocal performance.

*Whines* Awww, Do We Have To..?

Yes. Because it’s supposed to be your job:

A Lancashire police spokeswoman confirmed that they had received a call about the attack at 8.10am yesterday. She added: “We had a report of a cat being attacked and information has been passed to the neighbourhood policing team. We have advised that it possibly isn’t a police matter.

“It can be difficult to prove that the animals being dangerous and out of control were encouraged by their owner.”

Really, love? It’s not a concern of the police that there’s a man happy to do that in public and then abuse witnesses..? And is so unconcerned he changes clothes and comes back afterward to watch..?

We’ll just have to hope he posts a nasty Facebook message, eh, or expresses his disapproval of our glorious multicultural paradise in too forthright terms on public transport…

The attack was also witnessed by a number of workmen at a nearby building site.

I bet if they’d picked up their tools and set about him, you’d have turned up pretty sharpish then… to arrest them!

And I really, hope hope that you are on the toothy end of one of his mutts should you ever have to make a house entry.

Even though I suspect you’re just an office worker with a uniform.

Criminology Studies – Yr Doin’ It Wrong!

A criminology student high on drugs burgled an office at the University of Hull and stole a car, prompting a police chase through Beverley.

University of Hull student Kristie Smith, 23, took a Ford Galaxy after breaking into a staff office near her student digs at the Cottingham campus.

Humberside Police’s helicopter was scrambled to track the car, while ground officers pursued the vehicle, which crashed near Beverley Racecourse.

/facepalm

Following the chase, Smith, who was caught with more than £500 of amphetamines, posted on her Facebook page: “All I keep thinking is why the **** did I do it? Silly ol’ Kristie strikes again.”

Ah, social media. Finding new ways for criminals to incriminate themselves 24/7365…

Judge Mark Bury, sitting at Hull Crown Court, told her: “I understand you have ambitions to work in the criminal justice system – I assume somewhere other than the dock.”

Heh!

Sadly, quips are about all this judge dispenses. It’s certainly not justice.

Judge Bury said it was a “close-run thing”, but he agreed not to impose an immediate prison sentence on Smith. Instead, he gave her a four-month prison term, suspended for two years, and a 12-month supervision order. He told her: “I hope this has been a wake-up call.”

I think this ought to be a wake up call, yes. But not for her…

And Those Circumstances Are..?

Det Ch Insp Rebecca Mears said the girl had been spoken to by officers and regretted making the claim.

..

"Due to the circumstances of this particular case, the matter will not be taken any further."

But she can't be named, of course. Why should men be warned that there's an unstable liar out there? Let 'em take their chances!

At least this time, they didn't haul some poor innocent sod in for questioning and possible imprisonment under Kier Starmer's new 'The Victims Are Always Right!' policy...

She added: "It is essential that victims of rape feel confident that police will support and encourage them to come forward and report the crime.

"In this instance, the girl making the false report has been spoken to by officers and understands and regrets the gravity of what she has done."

And if she does it again..? We probably won't even know, will we..?

H/T: AnonymousLemming in comments and Mark Wadsworth via email

Yet Another Attack On The Justice System - This Time, It's Joint Liability (Again)…

The progressives don’t like it…because it works:

Hundreds of people are convicted of murder or manslaughter every year in England and Wales even though they were not directly responsible for the crime, it is revealed today .

So what? You might say the same about a getaway driver who doesn’t actually go and poke his shotgun in the bank manager’s face, mightn’t you?

Research by the Bureau of Investigative Journalism shows that in the past eight years nearly one in five of all homicide cases have been prosecuted under a 300-year-old legal doctrine that allows someone to be convicted just for being present at the scene of the crime or being associated with the killer.

That’s because we have a big rise in gang crime and mob assaults. As the article itself has to admit:

The use of so-called “joint enterprise” prosecutions – initially designed to deter people from supporting duellists – has become an increasingly important tool in tackling gang murders, as it allows a group to be convicted of an offence regardless of which member committed it.

And…isn’t this what we want? To quash the threat of gang crime?

I don’t hear anyone howling at the injustice of trying a whole group of people for the murder of St Stephen Lawrence, after all.

Senior legal figures have suggested that joint enterprise be reviewed. Lord Phillips, the former Lord Chief Justice, told the Bureau that reform was necessary because joint enterprise was “capable of producing injustice, undoubtedly”.

…

“It’s very complicated for juries and it falls to the judge to do his best to explain things to the jury. Some of the scenes of group violence are so horrifying they can leave a jury willing to convict anyone who was there.”

Ah. I see where you’re coming from. We can't have people wanting to convict, now can we?

And They Don’t Even Get A Snazzy Uniform…

They may still be at primary school, but these Farnworth children are developing into model citizens. 

Year six pupils at Highfield Primary School are already working together to help make the area they live in a better place. And they became the first group of socially conscious youngsters to graduate from the Young Citizens Project, a first-of-its-kind scheme run by Bolton Lads and Girls Club.

*shudders*

Over seven weeks, the group went into their local community to complete “Mission Farnworth” by answering different questions so they could starting thinking about their “social action project”.

This was followed up by asking local people what they thought needed improving in Farnworth and, after analysing the results, they decided to focus their project around litter and raising awareness of the importance of putting rubbish in the bin.

Because the citizens of Farnworth wouldn’t have been aware of this until the Moppet Squad descended…

A graduation ceremony was also held for the children to recognise their hard work and achievements. They were all presented with Young Citizens certificate.

Carly Brown, Bolton Lads and Girls Youth Club manager, said: “The Young Citizens Project has really empowered Highfield pupils to undertake practical volunteering opportunities within the Farnworth area.

“It has been a privilege to work with the school and the young people supporting local residents and, in turn, contributing to their individual personal development.

“To see them do it because they want to see change in their community and make a difference is something Bolton should be really proud of. We certainly are.”

Well, Carly, I’m sure Bolton will be proud of them eventually. If they know what’s good for them.

Highfield Primary schoolchildren line up to receive their... what? Oh.

Our Standards? Well, They're Flexible...

"You MUST keep animals the way we say!"

Make sure that where your horse lives is secure and free from hazards, this includes ensuring fences are in good condition and escape-proof.

Horses need large amounts of exercise to remain healthy. All horses should have access to a paddock where they can exercise every day, in the company of other horses, for as long as possible.

When out in a paddock, horses must have access to shelter from sun, wind and extremes of weather or temperature. They must have dry areas to stand and lie down on; living in cold, wet or muddy conditions can lead to discomfort or illness.

A horse can become ill or show abnormal behaviour if it is confined to a stable for long periods of time. If your horse is stabled, ensure all areas of your horse’s environment are well ventilated, clean and draught-free.

Stabled horses are more likely to be exposed to germs, toxic dust and fumes. They need good quality, dust-free bedding to lie upon. Ensure bedding is kept clean.

"Oh, wait. You're travellers? Well, that's clearly different!"

An RSPCA spokesman said the horses appeared to be unhurt.

He added: “Following further concerns raised on Tuesday, we can reassure residents the matter has not been closed and it will continue to be monitored to ensure animal welfare laws are not broken.”

Enough’s Enough, Alex!

Alex Andreou (he’s from Greece and runs the Sturdy Beggars Theatre Company, so he’s eminently qualified to speak on this…) throws his teddy out of the pram:

A Guardian investigation has subsequently revealed that dozens of councils up and down the country are preparing to charge the poorest households in their area council tax. Or rather to withdraw the council tax benefit they used to receive – an odiously semantic distinction, which I am sure ministers will make many times in the months to come, just like they did with the bedroom tax.

Ah, that ‘tax’ that’s not a tax at all, Alex? Sorry, English is probably your second language, isn’t it…

These are demonstrably the poorest people in the country, excluding the homeless. There is no doubt about this. These households are means-tested and granted council tax benefit, explicitly because they cannot afford to pay it. An estimated 675,000 households will now simply have to find a way to magic an extra £127 a year, on top of the rest of the punishment they are receiving from cuts to services, travel fare rises, energy bill increases and stagnant wages.

A cut in benefits is a punishment? Why, it’s almost as if he believes they have some sort of right to the money…

The minister for local government, Brandon Lewis, said in a statement which has sucked every tired government cliche and soundbite: "Welfare reform is vital to tackle the budget deficit left by the last administration. Our reforms to localise council tax support now give councils stronger incentives to support local firms, cut fraud, promote local enterprise and get people into work. We are ending the last administration's 'something for nothing' culture and making work pay." All about why the government is doing something; nothing about how people at the receiving end are meant to cope.

And how are people at the paying end supposed to cope, Alex? Just keep on forking over the readies so that agoraphobics can travel round the world?

I have been commuting through Canary Wharf recently to get to rehearsal (in a much less glamorous part of the Isle of Dogs). It is a glass bubble of hubris, totally detached from the outside world (Ed: Sounds a lot like Guardian head office…). I spent half an hour wandering around there on Friday evening and almost forgot that the country is just beginning to come out of the deepest economic crisis in generations. There is no poverty. There is no homelessness. It is kept out by police checkpoints and private security. There isn't even a reduced-to-clear section in most supermarkets.

That place you are so dismissive of employs the people that work to provide the taxes to keep people like Tracey Johnson in holidays, Alex. Can you blame them for not wanting to be reminded of that?

Hey, Kier! You Want To Make Things Easier For Women Like Her, I Suppose..?

A jury has heard Brooker, 30, who was living in School Road, Frampton Cotterell, at the time of the alleged offences, went to police in May 2011 following a visit to hospital.

For weeks she provided officers with accounts of a catalogue of offences before alleging rape and assault, and attending the Bristol Sexual Assault Referral Clinic. The result of her allegations was that her 46-year-old boyfriend Paul Fensome was arrested.

But when police investigated they concluded the abuse could not have happened, the jury was told.

After withdrawing her allegations Brooker then gave further answers in interview, confirming they were false, and admitted that injuries seen by witnesses, including her friends and doctors, were self-inflicted, the court heard.

Open & shut case then? No. Because she’s pleading not guilty. Well, why not? She is, after all, a law student…

Mr Bartlett said: "Subsequent inquiries served to undermine these allegations. Whilst in respect of some allegations there was no independent evidence either to confirm what she had said or undermine it, on other occasions independent evidence either undermined or disproved her account."

Allegations involving false imprisonment and assault in Queen Square, Bristol, and assault at her home were countered with "cast iron alibis" by Mr Fensome, the jury heard. On other occasions texts from his phone, telephone cell site analysis and his diary noting work shift patterns all served to either undermine or disprove further allegations.

A very familiar tale.

She blamed broken ribs on rugby, saying she had not wanted to get her "ex-partner" into trouble and was nervous about securing protection from the courts.

Oh, don’t worry, Kier will fix it!