"I've Got No Willpower..."

[Redacted] is as harmful to colleagues as secondhand smoking...

Oooh, go on, have a guess! 

Bringing cake into work is as harmful to colleagues as secondhand smoking, Britain's top food tsar has warned.

*blinks* Wait, what? 

Professor Susan Jebb, the Food Standards Agency chairwoman, argues that passive smoke inflicts harm on others in the office ‘and exactly the same is true of food’. 

How? I mean, do cake particles from the next desk make their way over to me, or something? 

Prof Jebb, who teaches diet and population health at the University of Oxford, told the Times: 'If nobody brought in cakes into the office, I would not eat cakes in the day, but because people do bring cakes in, I eat them.

Well, love, that's on you. If a colleague brings in a fruit cake, nothing would induce me to eat it!

'Now, okay, I have made a choice, but people were making a choice to go into a smoky pub.'

Which is an argument for not restricting that choice, isn't it? Not for adding to the nannying fussbucketry... 

She has also slammed ministers over a decision to delay a watershed for junk food advertising, adding that it has led to a 'complete market failure' that has squeezed out health foods. 

Because no-one will eat tofu if they see a Big Mac on screen? Good lord, if this woman's an example of what abstinence does to your brain, someone bring me an eclair, quick! 

H/T: PubCurmudgeon via Twitter

So, You're Retiring, Eh?

Here's your signed card from the office, a little gift, ands...oh, would you like a last opportunity to make a statement you didn't have the guts for when you just started in the job?

You would? Splendid!

Food should be banned from public transport to stop people snacking on the go, the Government's outgoing chief medical officer has said in her final report.

One hopes the incoming chief medical officer has noted the scorn poured on this by so many commenters and newspapers...

Dame Sally Davies, nicknamed the nation's 'nanny-in-chief' for her bold public health interventions, today delivers her most radical proposals to date.

When no one needs listen to her any more. Fine. I certainly won't!

'We know that snacking is a cause of excess calories in children and adults,' Dame Sally said. 'Years ago we didn't snack - we sat down and ate. I would stop all food and drink except water on urban public transport.'

Yes, she'll allow you water. How munificent! But who is going to enforce this?

She said it would be up to the Government how this would enforced, but added: 'We are a law abiding nation. The vast majority of people would observe it, as they did the smoking ban.'

That might once have been true. Back when 'no-one snacked on trains' (almost certainly at a time when there were smoking carriages, but never mind...). But if she thinks it's true now, she's lost more than a few marbles.

Boris Johnson is opposed to introducing more levies on items high in salt, fat and sugar. In his Tory leadership campaign he said he would review what he called 'stealth sin taxes'.

We'll see. 

This Is Unknown In The History Of Mankind!

A nursery has been told it “requires improvement” by inspectors after a report said...

There were live electrical wires exposed? They'd employed a foreign murderer? Not enough 'diversity'?

...children are "disobedient, throw toys and say inappropriate and unkind things to others".

In other words, 'are children'.

Little Stars Nursery in Devonshire Road, Gravesend, had previously been given an “inadequate” rating and despite improvements since the last Ofsted visit was criticised for failing to “manage children’s challenging behaviour”.

Funny how no-one ever dares criticise the parents, eh?

Reading the report, it's actually clear there's very little wrong with this place:

The report said: “The manager and staff communicate well with parents and keep them involved in their children’s learning.

“Children are allocated a key person who gets to know their individual personalities well and enjoy the company of staff.”

It added that “safeguarding is effective”, and that “the manager ensures that she always deploys staff well”.

So what's the issue?

However, the nursery was criticised for planning “generic” next steps for children, such as reading books, and described their overall behaviour as “poor”.

Wait, I thought encouraging reading was to be cheered as a way to stop us all wearing MAGA hats in the future? I just can't keep up!

To improve, Little Stars was instructed to implement effective behaviour management techniques, and ensure children have “a better range of resources, activities and adult-led learning opportunities”.

Anything else?

It also suggested the nursery creates more opportunities for pupils “to explore and investigate the natural world”.

Some nurseries go a bit too far in this regard...

We, The Public, Have Considered Your Proposal...

A public boycott of social media may be the only way to force companies to protect children from abuse, the country’s leading child protection police officer has said.

...and the answer is a hearty "Fuck off!"

Simon Bailey, the National Police Chiefs’ Council lead on child protection, said tech companies had abdicated their duty to safeguard children and were only paying attention due to fear of reputational damage.

Just like the police when they finally get off their lazy backsides and do some real police work you mean?

“We have got to look at how we drive a conversation within our society that says ‘do you know what, we are not going to use that any more, that system or that brand or that site’ because of what they are permitting to be hosted or what they are allowing to take place.”

Bit dangerous, isn't it? We might start to get the idea that we could do the same to other organisations that are not living up to our expectations.

At least Facebook or Twitter don't have their greedy hands in my tax return. Can't really say the same for you.

Is 'Placards In The Street' The 'Guardian's' Yardstick For Everything?

Sonia Sodha (Ed: yes, her again) in the 'Guardian':

“What about our free will?” the anti-nanny-staters will cry at the idea of forcing manufacturers to act. But we don’t see people with placards in the street protesting against the thwarting of our right to eat a slice of bread with as much salt as a packet of crisps.

These Nannystaters take an absence of people waving banners and marching as a green light. But what about the fact that most people (who are too busy for this) simply shift their buying habits?

I am, after all, quite capable of making my own bread.

The beauty of food reformulation is that because it happens gradually, our palates adjust and we simply don’t notice that certain foods are 30% less salty than a decade ago.

I call bollocks on this. I've lost count of the things I no longer buy because they don't taste the same as they used to. How about you, reader?

Another Champion?

The government has appointed a food waste champion to tackle the problem of 250m meals being thrown away in the UK each year.

Will they have to undergo a Thunderdome-style clash with the obesity champion, I wonder?

Elliot’s first task will be to oversee the Food Waste Fund, a £15m pilot scheme which will redistribute surplus food, Gove said.

Working with businesses and other stakeholders from across retail, manufacturing, hospitality and food services, he will also support government consultations on the introduction of mandatory food waste reduction targets and redistribution obligations.

You can all look forward to prices going up in the supermarkets then. Don't worry, they'll just blame Brexit!

Elliot said: “While families all over the country struggle to put food on the table and children still go to school each day with empty stomachs, there continues to be an unforgivable amount of food waste, which is both morally deplorable and largely avoidable.

“As a nation, we need to stop this excessive waste and ensure that surplus food finds its way to people in our society who need it most, and not let it get thrown away and go to landfill.”

Who is this cretin to tell us what is 'morally deplorable?

In his role as chair of the Quintessentially Foundation, Elliot, who is the Duchess of Cornwall’s nephew...

Ah. I take no lessons in morality from such.

...has worked with the Felix Project, a charity targeting food waste and food poverty in London which claims to have diverted up to £1bn of surplus food to those in need.

Has anyone tested the claims? No? Didn't think so.

And don't believe all you read about piles of 'wasted' food rotting in mountains. It's just not true.

Currently around 43,000 tonnes of surplus food is redistributed from retailers and food manufacturers every year, the government says. It is estimated a further 100,000 tonnes of food – equating to 250m meals a year – is edible and readily available but goes uneaten. Instead, it is sent away for generating energy from waste, or for animal feed.

Which will in turn provide more food and the energy to heat that food. So it's not 'wasted' at all.