What’s Wrong With Our Country, Summed Up In One Case…

A 15-year-old expectant father…

*deep breath*

… has narrowly avoided jail after burgling a seafront cafe.

*hurls PC out of window*

The young crook smashed a window at the Three Shells Cafe, in Southend, and stole £652 of stock and cash. He and an accomplice went through the kitchen filling 20 to 25 binbags full of food on August 17, and were captured on CCTV.

What’s that? First offence? Hahahahahahaha, oh, you slay me!

No. It never is, is it?

The court heard he had previous convictions for shop theft and for assaulting his girlfriend during an incident which involved dragging her by her hair. She is now pregnant with his child and due to give birth in March next year.

And so the Circle of Underclass Life continues…

Lesley Turner, mitigating, told the magistrates: “This was a spur of the moment thing that he and his friend decided to do as they were walking past. ”

Really? Hmmmm. If you say so. I wonder where they got the 25 binbags from, then? From the shop?

Hope they added that in to the stock theft list, if so. If not, it casts a doubt over lack of premeditation, doesn't it?

“As you've probably heard from the pre-sentence report he was under the influence of cannabis at the time this offence was committed and can’t give an explanation as to why it was committed.”

So…that’s another offence?

She said he was remorseful and felt he had let his parents down. The court heard he had been on a referral order with the Youth Offending service for his past offences. The youngster said: “ I'm sorry for the victims that I offended. I was under the influence and it won’t happen again.”

Ain't that what they all say? But then…why not? It does, after all, seem to work on the justice system.

Martin Hampson, chairman of the bench, said he was re-sentencing the boy for all three of his past offences. Regarding the assault on the young woman he said: “You should be ashamed of yourself, she’s a vulnerable victim, a young lady, that’s not the sort of thing you should be doing.”

He said they’d had to make “serious decisions” about whether to send the boy to prison. But he instead he ordered an 18 month Youth Rehabilitation Order with the youth offending service with 15 days of reparation work.

*sighs* There was the issue of compensation, though. Oh yes. Mustn't forget that…

Mr Hampson asked the boy’s mother how much compensation she could pay. She said she could offer nothing because she was on benefits, but Mr Hampson noted she had been giving her son £50 a week.

He ordered that £500 compensation be paid to the victim, at a rate of £30 a week. The accomplice was never caught.

But hang on! If she’s ‘on benefits’ (you know, those benefits that the campaigners and pundits insist on telling us aren't enough to keep body and soul together), why is she giving him £50 a week out of them?

What’s she living on, if she can go without it? Maybe the DWP should investigate!

The café owner – whose taxes are paying for those benefits, remember - certainly isn't impressed:

Philip Miller, who owns the cafe, said: “We also believe he had an accomplice who he refused to name, and that alone should have invoked a custodial sentence. "The whole family are just taking the Mickey out of the system. However I have the deep satisfaction that someone like he is only heading one way and that is down - I do hope he enjoys his prison food when he finally gets to taste it. "I am a firm believer that long sentences keep prisons empty – shame our daft leaders have totally missed this point."

Nothing more I can really add to this, is there?