Tweet Of The Month

The classics are the best...

Post Title Of The Month

I might just as well give this to Tim Newman in perpetuity. Here he is in musical mode, on a Muslim congresswoman's claims:

And on polyamory:

Quote Of The Month

DumbJon on the ISIS bride's hopes for a return and the chance the modern Tories will actually agree:

"The Tories could add 10% overnight just by telling this witch to shove it. Hey, even if they have to change the law... especially if they have to change the law. Do you think it might be interesting to get Islington Jesus on record re: the Screw You And Stay There Act (2019)? As far as Labour's base goes, this isn't a 'wedge' issue, it's a 'chainsaw with titanium teeth' issue. It would expose perfectly how the 'Party of the Working Man' has been hijacked by a deranged alliance between degenerate metropolitan snoots and Jihadists.

...

It's one for the philosophers alright: jihadists want to blow people up, the Tories want to let them. Who exactly are the crazed fanatics here?"

Post Of The Month

Fahrenheit211 lambasts the West Yorkshire Police farce...

Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder...

New planters, lighting columns and benches are being installed in Southend as part of a project to improve access and create a more attractive gateway to the town.

Oh, super! It could really do with some prett...

Oh.

Yeah, well. They do have form, after all.

Andrew Moring, councillor for infrastructure, said: “I’m pleased to see work progressing on the landscaping of this important gateway to the town.

"The clever design allows us to introduce greenery to an area where planting trees into the ground was not an option due to the large number of pipes and cables beneath the road, as well as introducing attractive new lighting and seating.

“I’d like to thank all the local businesses who fed into the final design by sharing their ideas.”

So, you know who to blame..!

The Snip Would Have Been A Better Idea!

A grandfather with 17 grandchildren stood outside for hours to raise awareness about global warming to help preserve young people’s future.

Michael Pulham, from Waldron, stood in Heathfield High Street for five hours with his placard saying “Save our children from global heating”.

Well, when you have so many of them...

He said: “I don’t know if there was anything organised in the area, but we certainly had a good response in the high street.”

 Really?!?

“We managed to fill two whole pages of signatures which probably adds up to about 40 or 50.”

*laughs*

“We will be presenting these to our local MP, Nus Ghani, to try and encourage her to put more pressure on the Government to stand against global heating.”

I bet they go straight into the round file...

“It's not what you expect to see outside Waitrose."

Police were called to Western Road in Brighton after reports that two men had painted their faces black and then a fight broke out in front of stunned shoppers.

The drama unfolded in front of shocked passersby enjoying their lunchtime.

Many were shocked by what they saw and could not understand why the men had 'blacked up'.

Drunken morons fighting on the streets of Brighton (even outside Waitrose) is 'meh', but blacking up?

Quelle horreur!

A 36-year-old homeless man and a 29-year-old man were arrested for disorderly behaviour, racially or religiously aggravated harassment and actual bodily harm.

Intriguing!

Kafka Would Be Proud...

All the publications which referenced the Pell case, even obliquely, were targeted because there was a blanket suppression on any information about the case, including that there was a suppression order.

Strewth, cobber!

‘Violent And Rare’…?

DCI Sam Blackburn, of the British Transport Police, said: “This was a violent and rare attack, which took place on a late night train out of London.

Yes. Those hardly ever happen, eh?  Especially in Barking.

“Officers were on the scene within minutes and we are working hard to identify and trace the men responsible for this assault.

“We understand that this was a frightening incident for passengers on the train and at the station, and would encourage anyone who witnessed the attack or the moments leading up to it to come forward and tell us what they saw.”

And the oh so modern addition to this story:

The incident is not being treated as terror-related.

Why would a fight on a train ever be considered such..?

"He will receive a formal statement expressing the council's severe disapproval but the council is powerless to do anything more."

A sentence that just sums up the utter joke that is local Essex politics...

The former council leader tweeted an apology after the meeting which read: "My point, badly made I admit, is that Rudy Guiliani [sic] is not someone I'd look to for advice on education.

"He has been part of the Trump fake news agenda since 2016 and has lost credibility.

"I should have made that clearer and I apologise for any offence caused."

The irony of the 'Echo' inserting '(sic)' into a story will not be lost on regular readers!

He later added: "I chose my words inconsiderately. My point is that Guiliani [sic] is a fake news merchant and is not trustworthy. I don't care what he wears."

Hmmmm, really? People who genuinely don't care what someone wears don't tend to notice...

The incident came in the same meeting in which Mr Callaghan failed to apologise for previously breaking the council's code of conduct which resulted in him being censured. He was due to apologise for calling Conservative councillor Chris Jackman a "liar" and a "bent councillor" on social media but declined to do so at the meeting on Thursday night.

Where the hell do they find these people...?

Why The Difference?

Karolina Valantiniene said her daughter, Viktorija Sokolova, had “many beautiful plans for the future” before she was killed.

Her victim impact statement was read by the prosecutor during the sentencing of Viktorija’s 17-year-old killer.

The boy, who cannot be named because of his age, has been detained for at least 19 years for the girl’s rape and murder in which he used "horrific levels of violence" before dumping her on a park bench.

And yet, an even younger killer was named...

The 16-year-old boy who raped and murdered Alesha MacPhail has a 'price on his head', a court heard.

Killer Aaron Campbell complained that he could be at 'risk of attack' or 'self-harm' in prison if he was named and pictured, his lawyer told the court.

The only real difference I can see is that one case is from Scotland.

Could there be something else we are all missing?

Do The Medical Companies Employ Ex-Journalists From The 'Mail'..?

Insect bite what...!?

Should've Gone To Specsavers....

Blimey!

The woman called for her husband to grab a gun from inside their house in Mackay, Custer County.

“Her husband responded and quickly dispatched the mountain lion as she held on to it,” added the IDFG.

Earlier this week a man strangled to death a mountain lion after it attacked him as he ran on a trail in Horsetooth Mountain Park in Colorado.

The runner, whose name has not been released, was jogging alone when the cougar pounced and bit him on the face and wrist.

The man fought back and choked the mountain lion with his bare hands, according to Colorado Parks and Wildlife.

And people here complain about 'the threat' of urban foxes!

Sunday Funnies...

Ted Pelkey, I salute you!

Sometimes, There's No Conspiracy...

...but it's considered far more palatable than the truth.

Firefighters have accused the Government of covering up the death of a seven-year-old schoolboy killed by toxic poisoning when his home was flooded.

Crews who recovered the body of tragic Zane Gbangbola have also joined a growing chorus of MPs and legal experts demanding an independent inquiry.

Yes, it's this long running saga.

Lee Belsten, secretary of the Fire Brigades Union in Surrey, said: ‘It was our firefighters who detected hydrogen cyanide at the property and our members believe that the verdict of the coroner was highly questionable. We will expose the true events and hold to account those individuals and authorities who we believe lied and withheld crucial evidence.’

And after that, you'll find Judge Crater, Shergar, and the real killer of OJ Simpson's ex-wife...?

Whatever This Is, It's Not Evolution...

Sir Andrew McFarlane, president of the Family Division of the High Court, is overseeing the case at a trial in London.

He is analysing legal argument from lawyers representing the man, the baby, the head of the General Register Office, Department of Health and Social Care ministers and Home Office ministers.

Anyone want to place any bets on how this is going to go?

Lawyers say that if Sir Andrew rules in favour of the man, the baby could be the first person born in England and Wales who will not legally have a mother.

The man says being forced to register as a ‘mother’ breaches his human right to respect for private and family life.

What on earth is there to 'respect' in this grotesque, selfish, attention-seeking freakshow?

Such ‘interference’ is not proportionate or necessary in the light of changes which have ‘evolved in society’, he says.

Evolution is what made you able to carry a child. What has made you pretend to be something it's clear you are not is something else entirely.

When Aviation Nerds Attack...

Pity the hapless Virgin PR person in charge of the Twitter account on this day...

Heh!

"It Didn't Work Last Time, But Hey, No Reason Not To Try Again..."

Ms Soros said Kendrick has committed nine previous offences, including a robbery and assault, and assaulting a police officer in 2018. He was put under a community order in November to complete 20 rehabilitation sessions, but has so far completed none of the sessions and has missed three appointments with probation.

Magistrate John Stambridge said: “This was not your finest hour. We have heard from the victim just how traumatised and frightened he was.

“This was all done while he was working, serving the public.”

Yeah, you all know how the so-called 'justice' system will handle this by now, don't you?

Kendrick, of John Street in Croydon, was ordered to carry out the 20 rehabilitation sessions he was previously sentenced to last year, along with 80 hours on unpaid work. He must also pay £100 in compensation, £85 court costs, and £85 victim surcharge.

*sighs*

Westcliff Tales...

Mr Kumeran also claims he faces a near daily battle with yobs who shout racist abuse at him, urinate in his store and start fights which have led to thousands of pounds worth of damage being caused inside.

He said: “It’s been going on for years; there is a gang of them, they keep bringing their trouble inside my store. Their fights will begin outside, but then they end in the store.

“They won’t leave the store alone, when police have come they have run away, but not long after police leave they come right back again. They come in and wee in the corner, and they’ve smashed my windows. It happened in November, and I had to pay £1,000 to get it fixed.

“You can try and stand up for yourself, but we can’t actually do anything or defend ourselves, we don’t want to get in trouble for getting involved in any violence.

“Often if I do confront them, they shout: ‘Go back to your country,’ or ‘You need to leave here’, and other things.”

Mr Kumeran says he has sent a number of letters to police, Southend Council and various Essex MPs to get support but says none have ever responded.

Probably still trying to find someone who can read. Or write.

While police attend robbery incidents, he claims they do not take any action over the anti-social behaviour.

He added: “I need something done. They need to be fought. I’m just trying to run a store, but we are all being hounded by these kids. I don’t know what to do.”

Don't rely on the State. All they have is platitudes.

Chief Inspector Neil Pudney, said: “As with any crime, we take reports of anti-social behaviour seriously as we understand the impact it can have not only on an individual, but on a community too.”

And they don't seem to know what their job is, any more:

“Working alongside colleagues at Southend-on-Sea Borough Council and South Essex Homes as part of the Community Safety Partnership, we routinely take enforcement action against those committing crime and disorder whilst supporting those with vulnerabilities and ensuring they receive the support they need.”

Why do I get the suspicion that the 'people with vulnerabilities' who need 'support' that he's talking about here doesn't include people like Mr Kumeran?

Envy Of The World, Remember?

Thousands of patients who had surgery on broken bones face further treatment after it emerged some were fitted with the wrong type of metal plate.

Hospitals have been ordered to review the X-rays of around 5,500 patients treated with plates for the fracture of long bones, such as arms and legs, in the past year.

The NHS and British Orthopaedic Association announced a national review after it was revealed seven patients at one trust had flexible plates, designed for reconstruction, inserted rather than rigid ones.

At least it's only taken them a year to realise. That's something, I suppose.

When The Chips Are Down…

A school has admitted removing chips from its menu after they become too popular at lunchtimes.

 No, I know what you're thinking. But this isn't another 'obesity' panic.

King Edmund School, in Rochford (Ed: yup, that one!), has confirmed it has temporarily removed the potato snacks from its lunchtime menu due to the high volume of pupils using the canteen during the two 25-minute breaks they receive.

One student who approached the Echo stated that the change to the menu was the result of a “chaos” breaking out in the canteen queue.

How so?

He said: “The school would always sell chicken and chips or fish and chips every Friday which were undoubtedly the canteen’s most popular item. Around 600 to 800 students would pass through the canteen every Friday purchasing chips.

“However, on February 1, within minutes of break time starting, students were grabbing one another, jumping against each other and even shoving each other over just to get to the front.”

That's undoubtedly a behavioural issue, but trying to serve 800 students in 50 minutes? McDonald's would struggle with that!

Why such a short break period?

The spokesman added: “Students currently receive two 25-minute breaks during the school day, during which they can access the canteen and purchase food.

“They are also able to purchase food from the canteen at the end of the school day at 2.10pm.”

2.10! Things have changed since my day, that's for sure!

You Broke The Law, We'll Tell You Not To Break It Again...

Catherine Akehurst was killed when she was crossing outside her home in Old Shoreham Road, Hove in September 2017.

The 85-year-old had waited until a safe moment to cross, and had nearly reached the other side, but was hit by “idiot boy racer” Adrian Fasan in a Toyota Celica who was speeding at 45mph in a 30mph zone.  

Yes, It's taken 17 months to bring this case to trial. Truly, the wheels grind slowly in our 'justice system'.

And some may wonder if they are even turning at all.

Fasan, who had previous convictions for drink-driving and speeding, had been at a party the night before the crash, and admitted causing death by dangerous driving. He still had high levels of amphetamine in his system, and traces of cocaine.

He's going down for a long stretch, then?

At Lewes Crown Court the 40-year-old was jailed for five years and banned from driving for the next nine years.

He won't serve five years, nothing like it. And since speeding and drug driving are already illegal, what's the betting he ignore his ban when he is released?

Some Ministers Have Balls, Then...

The report, from the European Commission against Racism and Intolerance (ECRI) body, said there had been an increase in hate speech and racist violence in Britain between March 2009 and March 2016.

That old canard again?

No, there had been an increase in reports of hate speech and racist violence. And as Tim Newman points out, the rate of hoaxes and false claims is pretty damn high in these cases.

In an audacious move, the report recommends the British media be barred from reporting the Muslim background of terrorists.

And it comes after multiple terror atrocities by Muslim extremists across Paris, Brussels, Munich and other German cities over the last year.

Over the same period, there have been no major terror attacks in Britain.

I admit, I fully expected our useless notTories to fold like a wet paper bag. But no!

...UK ministers firmly rebutted the remarkable demands, telling the body: 'The Government is committed to a free and open press and does not interfere with what the press does and does not publish...

Hurrah! Well done!

...as long as the press abides by the law.'

That better not be a way of saying 'It's OK, we'll soon change the law to make it illegal'!

H/T: Legiron via Twitter

Well, Yes, Yes, We Would, Actually...

In a series of tweets before the show, Dr MacKinnon wrote: 'I will not participate in a discussion panel that takes them seriously and gives them a platform.

'Would you expect a black person to actively 'debate' a KKK member on civil rights? That's analogous to what you're asking me.'

Because how else can this argument go forward, if you fail to argue your case on its merits?

And it's not quite as ridiculous an ask as you seem to think it is:

Daryl Davis, an R&B musician, has spent decades engaging with the Klan and has evidence he's helped turn hearts away from hate. Davis says he has befriended 200 klansmen over the years who have subsequently left the group. More than 40 of them did so with a simple gesture and a powerful symbol: they relinquished their KKK robes to Davis.

If they can do it, when their opponents have actively murdered them, rather than simply pointed out biological reality, why can't you?

The BBC's editorial guidelines say that guests do not have the right to stop other panelists from appearing on shows or in discussions.

Guidelines the BBC clearly feel are made to be broken...

The BBC said Dr William's invitation had not been withdrawn and that she had instead been asked to appear later on the show, according to The Times.

A BBC spokeswoman told newspaper: 'We invited Dr Williams to appear on the programme and after initially agreeing to join us at a later point in the show she subsequently declined. The offer remains open.'

Weasel words. The only sort we are ever likely to see on this 'debate'.

2019's VirtueSignalling Olympics - The Competition Hots Up!

Refugees were left with tales to tell after a walk on the wild side in Hay-on-Wye.

The Hay Theatre Group ensured the visitors enjoyed their trip to the border town's primary school when they put on a play.

There was also face-painting and craft workshops for the guests at the event organised by the Hay, Brecon and Talgarth Sanctuary for Refugees (HBTSR).

I wonder if this is a regular occurrence. Do they normally do this sort of thing for lonely pensioners or families caring for the disabled?

Supporters and the local community were again on hand to provide food and essentials, and visitors left with a boot-load of food and toiletries not only for themselves but also for the other refugees and asylum seekers served by Unity in Diversity and Swansea Asylum Seekers Support groups.

More fakecharities, no doubt!

One of the refugees said he was so amazed by the beauty of the countryside and the warm welcome received that, if it were possible in the future, he would move to Hay.

If they do, one wonders how long it will be before the Hereford Times has more vibrant and diverse news stories to report on than bingo, birdwatching and artisan bakeries...

H/T:@Fahrenheit211 via Gab

No, It's Not The Police Who Failed...

In the six years before Ms Gazzard's death, Maslin was arrested 23 times for a variety of offences, including domestic violence, criminal damage, possession of Class A drugs and theft.

He was also involved in 24 violent incidents - three involving Ms Gazzard, 12 involving one former partner, two involving another ex, three involving his mother and four against other unconnected people.

Police apologised after a homicide review revealed that numerous agencies knew about his violent history but didn't share information.

And would it have made the slightest bit of difference if they had? Because I think the answer's 'No'...

Many of his victims routinely refused to support action against him and this may have masked the number and the seriousness of his harassment, threats and violence towards them.

As long as some women are attracted to these types, like moths to an open flame, this will go on and on and on.

He Ran A What...?

*boggle*

My Geography Lessons Were Wrong...

...they taught me Africa was a lot further away than that!

Sunday Funnies...

Clearly, the US Postal Service was a great fan of 'Fahrenheit 451'...

Getting A Foot In The Door...

Sat in a studio at London College of Fashion, surrounded by faceless mannequins, bent coat-hangers and ripped fabric, Ammar Alsaker grins indefatigably as he recounts his journey from his home of Damascus to these most unlikely of surroundings.

He has a lot to grin about.

After enduring three years of conflict in Syria, he fled Damascus alone for London, a journey that took nine months and saw him negotiate with people-smugglers, pass through Lebanon, Turkey, Greece, Belgium, Spain and Scotland, and earn thousands of euro as a translator for the world’s media – all as a teenager.

How heartwarming. If you ignore the fact that he was breaking immigration laws.

Once he was granted refugee status, he continued to strive to realise his dreams, applying to universities and repeatedly turning up at Topshop HQ to demand the attention of its most senior executives so that he might land a role with the retailer.

Now 23, in the second year of his bachelor’s degree and working for Topshop, he is focused on his next challenge – to persuade the UK government to relax restrictive rules so he can reunite with his family – including the two-year-old brother he has never met.

I don't understand, what's stopping him? Have we confiscated his passport?

Alsaker hopes sharing his story might challenge negative stereotypes of asylum seekers and refugees and win support for calls to change immigration rules that only allow adult refugees to apply for their spouses or children under 18 to join them.

Ah. Silly me. He doesn't want to visit them. He wants them to come here. Permanently.

“Some might say ‘well, not all refugees have vision and goals,’” he says. “I just want to say that at the end of the day we are not copies of each other, we are different. People like me came here to be productive and benefit this country.”

By first breaking immigration laws, then demanding that we change our laws to benefit you. So we can get the fashion designers we clearly desperately need in the UK.

I don't see much benefit in that deal for me. Does anyone else?

Do You Have A Good View Up There On That Cross, Cressida?

“The events of that day stay with one; I think about it quite often,” she said. “It was a traumatic period. It was an awful time for so many people, obviously and most of all Jean Charles’s family, the people who were there when it happened, the firearms officers, the surveillance officers,” said Dick, the first woman to be appointed as commissioner of the Metropolitan police.

She added: “I was very conscious it was a hundred million times worse for other people than it was for me, but I was very high profile, quite rightly held to account.”

She was, of course, never once 'held to account'. In fact, the IPCC were specifically instructed not to hold her to account.

In a highly unusual move, the judge, Mr Justice Henriques, allowed the jury to insert a rider, or caveat, into the verdict stating that Cressida Dick, the commander in charge of the operation on the day, should not be held personally culpable for the events.

And that scuppered any chance of anyone else being held to account.

The IPCC said it had considered whether Dick was responsible for planning or management failures that led to the force's conviction, but found the jury's rider "unequivocal".

A spokesman said: "The IPCC cannot foresee any circumstances in which new evidence might emerge which would cause any disciplinary tribunal to disregard the jury's rider.

"The responsibilities of DAC Dick and Silver, Trojan 84 and Trojan 80 were intertwined. The IPCC cannot see how any disciplinary tribunal could conclude that although no personal blame is attached to DAC Dick, it could attach to the other three officers."

Her breathtaking arrogance isn't confined just to that, either.

During the interview, Dick, the first openly gay person to head the Met, said her sexuality was probably the “least interesting” aspect of her and that she was conscious of the fact she may make people view the force in a more progressive light.

Oh, they view the force in a very different light than they used to, you can be sure of that!

Mind How You Go, Sir!

Police sent a letter to a man reminding him to stick to the speed limit this year, despite the fact he is dead.

/facepalm

His daughter, Ruby Whitworth, posted an image of the letter on Twitter and said: “Thanks for your concern but you don’t need to worry about Stephen speeding anymore, he’s dead.”

Sussex Police responded, commenting on her post. A spokesman said: “Hi Ruby, we’d like to offer our sincerest condolences.

“This initiative was intended to keep the roads of Sussex as safe as possible.

“However, we fully realise in some cases this was inappropriate and we apologise for any distress caused by our letter.”

There must have been a few squeaky bums in Sussex Police HQ! Luckily for them, the relatives weren't about to demand their compo.

Ruby saw the funny side of the situation. She said: “Thank you, that’s very kind.

“Unlike some people, my mum and I found it hilarious.

“If he was alive it would have been completely appropriate for him.”

Others disagreed that warning people not to commit motoring offences by mailshot is ever appropriate, and as a taxpayer, I'd have to agree.

Dennis Hammond also took to social media to voice his opinion, tagging Sussex Police. He said: “With regards to your letter encouraging me to keep to the speed limit this year. Two things of note.

“One, you have not known me long enough to call me Dennis.

“Two, you have spelt licence wrong.”

ROFL!

Oh No, Whatever Will We Do?

Dv8 Sussex in Queen Square, Brighton, was given the lowest possible grade by inspectors in November.

College boss Dan Wallman said the report “triggered a process” whereby it has been immediately suspended from taking any more students.

He is now appealing for exstudents (sic) to come forward in support of the college to save it from collapse.

What sort of students?

Mr Wallman said: “We have a long track record of supporting some of the city’s most vulnerable young people to engage and achieve through creative education.

“If Dv8 were not to deliver in Sussex next year, there would be around 200 students having to find an alternative college in September to meet their needs.

“We do not feel that there is any like-for-like provision locally that offers something similar.”

Hmmm. What sort of courses?

Dv8 Sussex provides free training in music, fashion, digital media, event management and games development.

Meh! Future candidates for the 'B Ark'. It can go to the wall.

I Wonder Why They Are 'That Brazen'..?

PCSO Jude Parr, of the Pembrokeshire Rural Crime Team, said: “People have reported dogs as going missing, some of them have been quite odd circumstances.”

Shockingly, an attempt to steal a whippet in south Pembrokeshire was made while the owners were actually at home.

“We had a call south of the county last week where they actually had their dog, a male leaning over a gate had got a choker lead which he noosed the dog.”

Fortunately, that attempt failed, thanks to the quick-thinking owners and a well-trained dog.

“They [the owners] did a whistle and the dog, which was highly trained, got loose and the male ran off; that has raised concerns again that there is a market for dogs.

“They were in their own property and at home; how quick did that happen?

“If they are that brazen, we need to raise concerns.”

Could it possibly be that they are from a demographic which knows only too well that they are untouchable?

Oh Yes There Is!

“There is nothing wrong with the sentence. It remains 18 weeks.”

For one thing, it's far too bloody short!

Kendrick hurled the animal out of a bedroom window in front of his former partner Lucy Lewis and her two children, Mold Crown Court heard.

He then came out of his property and attacked Ms Lewis, almost pushing her in front of an oncoming vehicle.

What a charmer! Only his lawyer could possibly love him.

...his barrister, Matthew Curtis, argued Kendrick had been treated harshly and a community sentence would have been more appropriate.

“These are unpleasant and cruel offences as part of what he says was a ‘bad break-up’.

Having 'a bad break up' usually means solicitor's letters and arguments over who gets the breadmaker and wide screen TV, not pet abuse and assault.

“There were a number of pushes on his former partner, but this was of lower culpability and the starting point is a medium-level community order,” said Mr Curtis, who asked that Kendrick be resentenced for both offences.

Pity the judge didn't say 'Fine. Make it 36 weeks!'

“It was a deliberate action to throw the dog out of the window, but fortunately there is no evidence that the harm was greater.

It's a mitigation now to say that the fall didn't kill it?!

“He (Kendrick) has spent two weeks in custody in Altcourse and HMP Berwyn, but his pre-sentence report identified programmes that would prevent offending of this sort.”

I know what would prevent reoffending. And I doubt it's the same thing Mr Curtis meant.

"We Must DO SOMETHING!"

Soaring numbers of children and young people in England are being admitted to hospital with knife wounds, NHS figures reveal.

So, anything to be done?

The increase has prompted NHS England to demand a crackdown on shops that illegally sell knives to under-18s.

“Far too many young people are able to buy knives on the high street and we need councils and retailers to work together to stop this”, said Prof Chris Moran, NHS England’s national director for trauma care.

Well, I suppose it's something. And the public sector loves doing something. Even if it's an utterly futile thing. Like this one.

Because there's not a house in the land that doesn't have knives in the cutlery drawer.

Surely The Real Question Should Be…

Lucy Spears, 22, was studying mental health nursing at Brighton University when she hanged herself.

After being diagnosed with anorexia in October 2017 and being prone to “fluctuating moods” throughout her teenage years, Ms Spears was known to have made several attempts to take her own life in the days leading up to her death.

...why we are training nutters to look after other nutters?

It's Always 'White Men'. ALWAYS!!

A scoop for the New Yorker:

The magazine detailed the deceptions of Dan Mallory, who is the author, under the pseudonym AJ Finn, of the bestselling psychological thriller The Woman in the Window.

But his launch into authordom came after a career in publishing in London and New York, during which, the investigation found, Mallory had deceived colleagues, telling them a range of stories including that his mother had died of cancer (she is alive); his brother had killed himself (he is alive); and that he himself had suffered from brain cancer.

Mallory has admitted to some of this, saying that he used the excuse of brain cancer to cover up his shame at his real suffering from mental illness.

Man who invents fiction proves to have....well, invented a lot of fiction. And so?

His account would not explain instances where he inflated his professional experience to smooth his rapid advance up the ranks of publishing. When the immediate thrill of reading the New Yorker’s exposé had passed, many working in the industry reflected on what the story reveals about their profession.

And what's that?

While publishing as a whole is dominated by women, specifically white women, its most powerful positions are still mostly occupied by white men.

*blinks*

Yes. Clearly that's the thing to take from this.

Now Even Foxes Are Using Knives!

Bryony October found Alan, her neighbour’s two-year-old cat, in North Gardens, Brighton, on Monday evening.

The 38-year-old, who had known the cat since he was a kitten, said: “He was lying about a metre from my front door and looked like he was asleep so I shouted his name, but as I got closer I saw the wound and realised he was dead.

“We went to the vet afterwards and an autopsy showed it was a knife wound that had punctured his lung.”

Hmmm.

Bryony reported the stabbing to Sussex Police.

A police spokesman said: “The informant was advised there are no further lines of enquiry, however anyone with any information about this, or similar incidents, is asked to email 101@sussex.pnn.police.uk or call 101 quoting Operation Diverge.

“Police are investigating a number of reports of cat deaths and injuries in Brighton, and are reviewing information gained from a number of sources.”

Probably a whole team engaged in trying to find a plausible reason why foxes are now arming themselves like promising footballers and aspiring rappers...

When Did They Become The Bad Taste Police?

This was Cardiff’s first game since it was confirmed that their £15million signing had died in a plane crash and tributes were paid to the player following the tragedy.

Yet sickening footage emerged afterwards showing two men in the stands at St Mary’s, stretching their arms out wide and pretending to be planes towards the away end.

Crass and stupid? Yes. Poor taste? Undoubtedly.

A matter for police? You'd think not. But it's 2019.

Both fans had their details taken by Hampshire Police and will face three-year banning orders from the South Coast club.

I wish I could say I was surprised, but given their general woeful performance, I'm not.

Hey, 'Mail', You Spelled 'Gutless' Wrong...

More than 20 caravans were said to have moved onto the grounds of Sovereign House, in Royal Leamington Spa, Warks., last weekend.

Police were powerless...

Hmmm. Not the word I'd have used. 

Witnesses said they saw gangs of men forming a 'production line' as metal was systematically stripped from the ceilings and walls which could be sold for scrap.

That's theft.

Yobs also smashed windows and human faeces was found smeared on the walls and floors.

That's vandalism and anti-social behaviour. But there's more chance of seeing a unanimously-approved Teresa May Brexit plan than a copper turning up to arrest a member of this 'protected species'...

The owners of the building, which has been unoccupied since last September, say it may now have to be demolished.

The police farce that sat on their hands while all this happened should be forced to pay, but since it's the poor long-suffering taxpayer that'd be on the hook, it's pointless.

Trespassing is currently a civil matter but Home Secretary Sajid Javid is considering making it a criminal offence.

He needs to stop considering and start doing. Or is he just another useless CINO too in thrall to identity politics to act?

Even If The Driver Does Have That Look On His Face...

Seen on the Tube:

...and now I have an earworm!

Aisle Be Seeing You!

Homonyms really are the 'Daily Mail's' Kryptonite, aren't they?

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

Sunday Funnies...

I regret nothing, NOTHING!

Well, When You Spend All Your Working Life Screwing The Taxpayer...

...it's not that surprising, is it?

In England and Wales, it is not illegal to buy or sell sex, but it is against the law to operate a brothel. Sandy’s Superstars, just to reiterate, was situated on a busy shopping thoroughfare, not the back alleyways, with ‘house charges of £50 for 30 minutes and £100 for an hour’. Still, police decided to do nothing.

Or, to be more precise, they came to an agreement with Mrs Hankin that she could continue as long she never used underage girls or trafficked women, and her activities weren’t used as a front for other crime; she kept her side of the bargain as far as the authorities were concerned.

Her prostitutes had regular NHS health checks. Her bouncers were accredited by the Home Office-approved Security Industry Authority. Council officials carried out regular checks. Her business even paid tax and was visited by inspectors from tax authority HMRC — in other words, Sandy’s Superstars was really a licensed brothel in all but name.

But this is just an exception, surely?

The pragmatic policy, pursued by Greater Manchester Police, has been quietly adopted across the country.

Indeed, the latest guidance from the National Police Chiefs’ Council states: ‘Brothel closures and raids create a mistrust of all external agencies . . . it is difficult to rebuild trust and ultimately reduces the amount of intelligence submitted to the police and puts sex workers at greater risk.’

Isn't it to be expected that criminals mistrust the law enforcers? Say, perhaps, even encouraged?

What a strange modern world we live in, eh?

"...handsome, confident...known for being very affectionate with the ladies in his life..."

No, not the latest chav on chav killing, though you could be forgiven for thinking that. This is London Zoo's bungled attempt to bring in a new breeding male.

Asim - whose name means 'Protector' in Arabic - had been matched with Melati through the European Endangered Species Programme for Sumatran tigers.

Oh, well, I suppose if the current match wasn't working out, then they had no ch...

Wait, hang on a tick.

The 10-year-old female had had three litters with her former mate, Jae Jae...

Who has now been moved to a French park. Let's hope he fancies his new dates, eh?

And if this wasn't such a horrible and unnecessary situation, I might be tempted to point out yet another European scheme promising to make things so much better, while in reality making them irreparably worse...

Shame, He Sounds Like The Ideal Modern Police Officer...

An investigation is underway after a teenager suffered serious injuries during a lesson at Bradford College.

What sort of lesson?

Imaam Usmin, 18, broke his neck while taking part in...

Ah. Must be rugby.

...a Public Services class.

Wait. What?

During the session, Mr Usmin claims he was asked to wrestle with one of the teachers. He said he was lifted from the ground in a move he claimed ended with the teacher "falling on top of him."

The college has wished the student a "speedy recovery" and immediately reported the incident to the Health and Safety Executive, but the organisation has since said it does not fall into its remit.

Curiouser and curiouser! What's the point of this course of studies, anyway?

Mr Usmin, who was taking the course to further his dream of becoming a police officer, has had to have a metal plate put in his neck.

He claims he refused to wrestle with one of the teachers three times until, he says, they threatened to discipline him for ‘bad behaviour’.

He does know in the police service you are expected to follow orders?

The former Dixons Kings Academy pupil feared he did not stand a chance against his opponent, who he estimated weighed 15 stones.

He does know in the police service this often happens? And there might be more than one person?

Dad Osman Usmin Sharif, 39, said the college should not have allowed the wrestling to go ahead.

“This was a mis-match and they should not have made him wrestle,” he said.

Is he going to call his dad to complain every time someone kicks off in the custody suite?

The college website states that, while studying Public Services, students get the chance to experience police riot training, visit fire stations and attend an annual army camp residential.

The website adds that: "Our courses aim to offer real-world learning and that's why some of our programmes require you to wear a uniform. Public Services careers provide defence, education, emergency response and health & safety services to our country."

Clearly, it's doing this by weeding out the unfit!

An Apple A Day Keeps The Doctor....What?

Oh!

You Get Help When You Deserve It...

Traders say homeless people camping in the city centre are bad for business as more and more tents pitch up.

At least six have been set up on the pavement in Castle Square at the bottom of North Street – yards from the one of the busiest shopping streets.

And the growing encampment is causing concern for businesses, who say antisocial behaviour is on the rise.

Naturally, this being Brighton, the tent-dwellers think this is a problem throwing money at them will solve. Hey, the taxpayer's good for it, surely?

One of the occupants, Suzie Miles, said: “It’s out of order the council are going to move us on again.

“Where else can we go? They don’t like us in doorways.

“About a week ago there were a load of tents round the back of Poundland.

“The council’s thrown them away. We don’t know what’s going to happen. We need to house people. We need help.”

Hmmm, but that 'antisocial behaviour', Suzie?

Indre Dovydaityte, who works at nearby Pret A Manger, said: “The problem is not the tents, it’s the behaviour.

“Every day, people swearing, stealing food from us, begging from our customers.

“One time they urinated on our fire escape.

“For a while we tried to be nice to them, gave them free sandwiches. We have contacted the council multiple times and the police.”

The manager of The White Company, also nearby, said: “It’s not very nice for our customers and people walking by.

“Last week there was a person passed out outside the shop with his trousers down.”

Yes, giving these people free houses will solve that. Won't it?

Makes You Think...

...doesn't it?

New Gritty Reboot Of 'The Littlest Hobo' Looks Grim...

Reggie the four-month-old Labrador was lost while out for a walk with his owners in Penllergaer Woods, near Swansea, on January 18.

Pictures of the puppy were shared around social media in an attempt to find him, and the loss was reported to South Wales Police.

Following this, one officer in particular took it upon himself to locate the lost Labrador.

Hurrah!

On Friday, January 24, his efforts proved successful as he managed to track the Labrador to Sussex, where he was picked up by Sussex Police.

How on earth did...?

PC Shaughnessy, stationed at Gorseinon Police Station, tracked a car thought to be linked to the dog's disappearance using number plate recognition technology.

The search led him hundreds of miles away to Sussex, where Reggie was found by Sussex Police on Thursday. He was reunited with his owners later that day.

Hmmm....

Insp Emma Fox said: "We're very proud and impressed by PC Shaughnessy, who did most of the work in finding Reggie in his own time without being asked and without hesitation.

"He continued to help investigate and search between his shifts, and stayed on late each evening until he was successful in tracing the puppy to Sussex.

"We'd like to thank the public for all their support in helping to find Reggie. We're pleased that the story has a happy ending, and there will be no further action taken."

Of course not. We all know why. And how a four month old pup gets so far away. And who likely took him. Don't we?

Remember 'Education, Education, Education'...?

Well, this is what it looks like, in the right hand placard....

We have 'assaut' (twice!) and 'protocal'. It’s a ‘threefer’!

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

Who Is More Important?

People with 'learning difficulties'?

Essex County Council created an Easy Read version of its survey asking residents what they think of proposals to close a third of libraries in the next five years.

“This image was specifically chosen to help communicate with people with learning disabilities.”

Or the 'transgender community'?

Save our Libraries Essex campaigner Liz Miles, from Wivenhoe, complained to the council. She said: “The clip art image is discriminatory and deeply offensive.

“It is a shockingly negative and inaccurate image, showing a person who appears to be miserable and confused, but on closer inspection is a man removing a wig.”

There's only one way to find out, isn't there? Oh, wait!

“We are sorry for any offence caused. We listened to feedback and the image is being removed.”

/golfclap

What's the Mandarin for 'What On Earth Is This Stuff?' Then..?

Hoteliers in the Scottish Highlands are being urged to learn Mandarin and provide chopsticks to capitalise on growing numbers of Chinese tourists.

The Highlands are becoming increasingly fashionable among China’s burgeoning middle classes and super-rich and the Highland and Islands Enterprise development agency is organising China Ready workshops to help restaurateurs and businesses to cater for them.

Excellent news, we should applaud efforts to..

Wait, what?

Monica Lee-Macpherson, chairwoman of the Scottish Highlands and Islands and Moray Chinese Association, said B&B owners should provide Pot Noodles and disposable chopsticks in rooms and urged restaurants to create picture menus.

Pot Noodles..?!?

H/T: SassyCassy via Twitter

Ah, Another 'Isolated Incident'...

In what the school has described as an "isolated incident", the young boy brought the knife to Westborough Primary School, in McDonald Avenue, Southend, and showed the knife to a fellow student.

Yes, you read that right. A primary school. The child was six years old.

...concerned parents have demanded answers after they claim the incident was "swept under the carpet".

One mother, who was made aware by another worried parent on the playground, said she feels everyone should have been made aware.

That would have been the smart thing to do, since there's no way this would be kept quiet, and to say nothing invites the rumour mill to crank up to top speed.

But whoever said teachers needed to be smart these days..?

Headteacher Tonya Brook said: "This was an isolated incident where a six-year-old brought a small paring knife into school in his book bag.

"He showed it to another child. It did not come out of the bag. A member of Senior Management was on the playground to deal with the issue immediately.

"The child was subsequently removed from the school.

"All relevant parties were informed. "

Clearly, 'relevant' means something quite different to Tonya.

"Siri, Show Me 'An Exercise In Futility'...."

Around 100 people took part in a demonstration to support the people of Sudan. They were protesting against the Sudanese struggle against what they argue is a fascist regime, which has been accused of violently oppressing peaceful protesters.

Sounds a bit dangerous, then, doesn't it?

They gathered at the Old Steine Gardens in Brighton on Saturday calling for President Omar Al Bashir, who has ruled the country for 30 years, to step down.

They held placards displaying various messages.

Ah.

Yeah. I'm sure that'll do the trick.

Nagwa Ballal, founder of the Sudanese Women and Children Group in Brighton and Hove, said: “This demonstration was about supporting the people who are rising up to the current Al Bashir regime.

“He has driven lots of people into poverty and also the standard of living has been very poor.

“Al Bashir has ruled the country for 30 years and people want the regime to end.

“We’ve had enough. He has killed many innocent protesters, who were only demonstrating peacefully.

“I have been in the UK for more than 20 years and I started up the Sudanese Women and Children Group in Sussex in 2004.”

If there's anything less likely to bring about regime change, I've yet to see it!

The Astonishing Power Of Nature...

...at least, according to the 'Mail', where avalanches can travel all the way through Serbia, Croatia, Slovenia and Italy.

Or are they just missing a comma?

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

Well Played, Sky News Headline Writer....

...well played indeed!

Sunday Funnies...

In which No 4 reminds us that the weather is better at policing than UK cops...

Because Ignorance Is Bliss...

...especially when it might upset the Enrichment applecart!

There has been no systematic study or formal data collection exercise.

Well, no. You don't collect evidence when you fear what it'll reveal...

Another community activist, who did not wish to be named, said she was aware of 15-20 recent cases in Croydon alone.

“It’s usually done in the UK, not abroad like female genital mutilation (FGM),” she said, describing a practice whereby mothers, aunties or grandmothers use a hot stone to massage across the breast repeatedly in order to “break the tissue” and slow its growth.

Surely this leaves visible marks?

“I was a nurse in the UK for over 10 years and watched the numbers grow,” said Jennifer Miraj, who worked in hospitals in Essex, Glasgow, Birmingham and London until 2015.

Miraj said she came across confirmed cases of breast-ironing in approximately 15 adults and eight girls.

Confirmed by whom?

“I took care of a young 10-year-old girl who had an infection, which had been going on for a few years from ironing,” she said, describing a case from Broomfield hospital in Essex.

Mary Claire, a church minister in Wolverhampton, said she had spoken to four victims in Leeds, originally from west Africa. “You could see the marks,” she said.

So why no prosecutions?

Police say they have fielded no allegations about breast-ironing in the UK, but suspect it is happening.

It is happening. You've just been told.

“If I knew it was happening, I would do something about it,” said the Insp Allen Davis from the Met police.

Now you do. What are your plans?

Rise And Fall Of Empires...

I spent a very pleasant few hours last Sunday afternoon reading PC Gamer's lookback at the MMO 'Star Wars Galaxies', and why it's no longer around, unlike other MMOs like 'World of Warcraft'.

I am a great fan of MMOs done right, and stepping into SWG for the first time, with my newbie Creature Handler, trying to get the hang of the controls, and not get too badly injured by the womp rats I was trying to shoot outside Mos Eisley Spaceport, while goggling at all the life going on around me, was just like being in the Star Wars Universe. Getting approached by another (higher level) player character, wondering if 'he' was here to help or hinder, gave you the feeling that you were in a movie.

As it happened, 'he' (could have been a 12 year old schoolgirl or a middle aged bank manager, that's the beauty of MMOs!) helped me out a lot, and showed me all the ropes before bidding me farewell. MMOs are famous time-sinks, and we must have spent ages on that first run around Mos Eisley. I progressed, and loved the game, played it as much as I could. But in the end, my beloved Creature Handler class was eventually removed in the last disastrous rebalancing before the game folded, and none of my pets could accompany me across the galaxy any more, so I moved on to other games.

The main meat of any article, these days, is of course in the comments, and the reminiscing of other fans & players about their experiences. And it was a comment here that directed me to this extraordinary series of blogposts by Raph Koster, who was the driving force behind a game that, ultimately, couldn't handle its ambitions.

If you ever wonder what it must be like to be the creator of a gaming world, this series of articles will tell you all you need, and more. 

Do, Or Do Not. There Is No 'Try'...

Cllr Darren Rodwell spoke out after the council received numerous complaints about overflowing bins and missed collections over the Christmas period.

Residents with missed collections can report the issue to the council and they will try and rectify the issue and Cllr Rodwell said the refuse team was doing the “best it can”.

It's clearly not good enough!

Explaining they had to pick up more than twice the waste it usually does and residents should have some ‘social responsibility’, he said: “I think the refuse workers did an incredible job over Christmas in difficult circumstances.

“They are doing the best they can.

“This week one of the rounds collected 28 tonnes of rubbish. That’s more than twice what they usually take and means several trips back and forth to the dump.

“I took nine bags to the tip myself. If you have a car and your bin is overflowing, instead of having a go at us, have a bit of social responsibility and take it to the dump yourself for free.”

Why? The residents pay the council for a service. They expect that service.

What do you think would happen if, on rocking up at the local train station with a pre-purchased ticket, Rodwell was told 'Sorry, we're a bit too busy, here's a bike, pedal to London instead'..?

“We have a situation in Barking and Dagenham where one in three properties belong to buy to let landlords,” he said.

“These homes produce two and a half times more rubbish than normal households, so our refuge collection system is already collecting the rubbish of a borough twice its size.

“At Christmas households produce three times more rubbish than usual. With the greatest respect there is just no way we can pick it all up in a week, especially when refuse workers need to have their days off as well. We do more collections than many other boroughs to cope.”

It's Christmas. It comes once a year, regular as clockwork. It's not a surprise.

Virtuesignalling Olympics - Selection Opens For 2019

A council has launched an investigation into why parents from five schools in Thurrock chose to remove children from lessons covering Islam.

...and Essex has a strong contender!

Further details were revealed during a meeting on Wednesday when the issue was debated with one mother speaking out to confirm why she decided to take the drastic action.

Heather Rogers, 31, from South Ockendon confirmed she had taken the unusual step but not because she disagreed with the religion.

Perish the thought!

She said: "To me this is not about Islam, it is the fact that my kids came home and called it an 'intensive' study. If they said it was an intensive study on Christianity, I would have done the same.

“An intense study just sounds full-on. Maybe if it was worded better and they just said this week we would do such and such and explained it each week it would have sounded better but instead it’s an intense study.

"When I was growing up we would learn about all religions but I don't agree with an intense study. Schools should teach about all of them equally so that children can decide to be part of a religion if they want to."

Sure, sure, that sounds plausible. But what about the people that do this for other reasons?

While she stressed that she did not take issue with the religion of Islam, some parents who had also removed their children at the same time told her that they had done so because they disagreed with Islam being taught in schools at all. She said:

"Unfortunately, with social media a lot of people only see part of the story and are a bit blinkered to understanding the whole religion. When they think of Islam they think of terrorism and destruction, but that is only extremists. Some parents do have the wrong impression because of all the media hype."

Right. Got it. The media hype. Sure. Not all the hundreds of thousands killed, maimed or ruined?

“If they are pulling their children out for the sake of it being Islam then they need educating to know that although terrorists can be linked, that is extremism not the religion."

Clearly, people who say Essex has no philosophers are wrong.