Tweet Of The Month: The Return*

*I'm back in a new incarnation!

Post Title Of The Month

This month's award goes to John Ellwood at TCW for his Stanley Holloway reference:

 

Quote Of The Month

Mark Wadsworth on what we have to look forward to this autumn and winter:

"As per usual, I have succumbed to this and have felt like crap for the past fortnight, hence very sporadic posting (and I haven't managed to finish a song for a fortnight either), I don't have the energy for that. It's not the worst cold I've ever had, but it just drags on and on and on.

Luckily, the rest of my household seems to be immune, that's a small blessing. Maybe it's because they got out more during the lockdown periods and so their resistance to colds and 'flu didn't wane as much as mine did."

Get well soon, Mark.

Post Of The Month

Bill Sticker revises the Bible...

Skewed Priorities...

The IOPC swings into action:

It concluded in December that PC Scott should face gross misconduct proceedings.

A police disciplinary panel held on Friday last week ruled that PC Scott - who had been suspended from duty during the investigation - should be dismissed after the case was proven.

Gosh! Did he confess to a colleague that he had 'an attraction to brutal sexual pornography'? Was he accused of several indecent exposure incidents?

No, don't be silly!   

IOPC regional director Miranda Biddle said: 'There is no place in policing for officers who make offensive comments of any kind, whether on or off duty and whether in a public or private forum.

'We assessed the comments made on Facebook as a whole and concluded that PC Scott had a case to answer for gross misconduct.'

It's illuminating to see the things that the police consider beyond the pale, isn't it? And the warning signs that don't appear to trouble them at all. 

'His comments were also deemed to have a detrimental impact on the wider public confidence and perception of the force.'

I couldn't care less if a police officer fails to go along with the top brass perception of St George Floyd, or doesn't consider that having a man pretend to be a female police officer is somehow a good thing. But knowing that you're protecting a future rapist and murderer? 

Well, that's a concern.  

The Police Bear No Responsibility For This Savagery...

Greater Manchester police have referred themselves to the police watchdog over the death of a 16-year-old boy.

Did he die in custody? Was he run down in the street by a 999 call responder? 

Rhamero West was discovered in Old Trafford, Manchester, on 9 September with stab wounds.

The student was taken to hospital from the scene in Norton Street but died shortly afterwards.

Oh....  

Rhamero, known as Mero, from south Manchester, was killed after he attended his first day at college where he was studying catering. His family paid tribute and described him as a “beautiful soul”.

Yes, they always are, aren't they? But why should the police need to refer themselves to the IOPC? 

The Independent Office for Public Conduct (IOPC) confirmed it had received a referral from GMP “due to the fact officers had contact with a 16-year-old boy prior to his death”.

Hmmm... 

According to Greater Manchester Police, detectives investigating his death have been piecing together a number of incidents that occurred prior to his death, including multiple collisions and violent disorder around the Princess Road area of South Manchester.

Translation: gang violence.  

He was stabbed following a pursuit involving two vehicles which is understood to have begun a mile away in the Moss Side area of the city. He is believed to have been fleeing his pursuers along with three friends in a BMW, only for it to crash.

Only for them to lose control of the vehicle, you mean?  

But It Won't Be Them Paying, You Idiot!

Persistent shoplifters should be spared jail and instead retailers could pay for their rehabilitation, a police chief has said.

The costs will, of course, be passed on to customers. 

Thankfully, she's not really a 'police chief' in any normal sense of the word.

Donna Jones, an elected crime commissioner, believes short jail sentences for low–level criminals with drug addictions do not work and prison should be reserved for more serious violent and sex offenders.

She's elected. Which means, unlike the woke top brass, she can be unelected. Her obese backside can be evicted from the comfy seat she now occupies.

The Hampshire Police and Crime Commissioner, who was elected as a Conservative ...

She fits right in, doesn't she?

Is There A Connection, I Wonder?

Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!

What do Liverpool plod have to say for themselves?

"Several enquiries were made to find an organisation who could assist with recovering the deer safely, but unfortunately we were unable to get assistance and as the hours went by the deer became more distressed.

"There was no option to let the deer wander as it could be a danger to motorists and members of the public in the area, particularly as the hours of darkness approached.

"As a result a decision was made in the early evening to euthanise the deer."

Let's hope The Deer Hunter is on duty the next time Scouse dogs pose 'a danger', eh? 

There's 'Mistaken', There's 'Wrong' And Then...

 ...there's Polly:

*blinks* 

Let's just review some of his recent hits, shall we, courtesy of Fahrenheit211. 

Yes. The man who can't even tell you whether women have a cervix is definitely Prime Minister material...

'I'm From The Government And I'm Here To Help...'

...'you to taxpayer cash', that is:

Up to £40million of furlough cash was paid in a single month to a set of companies that appear to have no staff.

The four British firms, set up by an Indian entrepreneur, each claimed between £5million and £10million in May this year.

They were founded by Rajanish Garibe, 44, an elusive businessman whose firms’ ‘Europe corporate headquarters’ turned out to be a virtual mailbox in east London.

Whoops!! Just as we all said would happen when the Treasury taps were turned on with no way of checking whose bucket was collecting the outflow, eh?

The Treasury paid out the sums from its Coronavirus Job Retention Scheme to his companies despite their shoddy or non-existent websites and no evidence of any actual staff.

Well, how could they have known? I mean, really, these fraudsters are so sophis...

The website of Domain Corporation Ltd – supposedly a tech consultancy – is so amateur that it contains dummy text. The three other firms – Domain Foundation, Domain International School and Domain Research Hospital – do not even seem to have websites.

Oh. And it's just a drop in the ocean: 

The Treasury says the furlough scheme has been abused and there are 23,000 ongoing inquiries into ‘incorrect’ payments.

*gulp* 

Last night, HMRC said it could not comment on ongoing cases, but added: ‘We are taking tough action to tackle fraudulent and criminal behaviour.’

Anyone think we'll ever see a penny of that £40m..? 

The Majority Of The Sort Of 'Culture' They Display Is Missing...

A mural challenging the negative stereotypes associated with travellers has sprung up in Basildon.

The town centre mural, delivered by non-profit art organisation Things Made Public, celebrates the town’s travelling communities and heritage. Painted by Irish artist Irish artist Aches, the mural depicts two children tending to a horse – long part of traveller culture and history.

I think they are missing something from the mural - the bit where the animal is maltreated and dumped like rubbish on someone's field for taxpayers to face disposal costs. 

That's equally 'part of traveller culture'.  

Artist Aches said: “This piece was painted to challenge the negative stereotypes associated with the travelling community.The concept appealed to me because it helped shine a light on a minority group who might not have a big voice in the community and can be wrongly stereotyped. ”

Can be rightly stereotyped too. Stereotypes, after all, exist for a reason. 

With A Nice Sparkly Bow..?

*sighs*

Is There A Shortage Of Editors..?

...or have they all retrained as HGV drivers?

Sunday Funnies...

Who watches these for the science anyway..?

And What's Damaged Your Decision Making, Judge Melville?

In February, the court heard Mathers told police she believed another dog caused unmuzzled Rusty problems, which sparked the attacks.

Appearing today, prosecutor Michael Mason told the court Mathers hit and slapped the dog for misbehaving, at which point it bit her arm. He said Rusty was a very powerful dog that should have been muzzled in public, and police had requested Mathers be banned from keeping another dog.

So that when it goes nuts and mauls its owner and her cousin, then traps a couple in their car, they don't have to rock up and shoot the thing five times. 

After trying - unsuccessfuly - to run it over, dogs being a smaller target than cows....  

Kelly Brocklehurst, for Mathers, said she was a very vulnerable adult whose history of mental health problems and domestic violence abuse caused her to look to animals for comfort and companionship. He said an incident of such a scale was not reasonably foreseeable, and Mathers didn't need more punishment, but instead help.

Help to what, not own four legged killing machines..? 

Mathers was given a four-month prison term, suspended for two years, to include 20 rehabilitation days. She was disqualified from owning a dog for five years, and ordered to pay a surcharge of £128.

Judge Melville described the case as an example of a dog owner losing control of a dangerous situation, and said Mathers' drinking on the day likely damaged her decision making.

Which, given she decided to weigh in on the comment thread about her sentence, aren't that good in the first place: 

Oh, Steve, you're trying to reason with someone who doesn't respond to reason. You'd have more luck reasoning with Rusty, after he bit the bullet(s)...

Still, lucky the cousin was around to spare her far worse injuries, I bet she's greatfu...

Ummm....

 Case closed, I think! 

Now, what accounts for Judge Melville's decision to let this total loon get anouther pitbull in five years time? 

We Need Bigger Docks In Courts...

...because far more people should be sharing them:

The Family Court made a child protection order later in 2016 and introduced safeguarding to prevent unsuitable internet use,

Mr Worsley said. "By now the whole family was receiving attention. The defendant seemed to be complying with the plan. Social services remained in contact with the family until February 2017 when conditions were deemed to be satisfactory.

"But the prosecution says his co-operation with social services was on the surface only. There was no real change in his desire to provide supervision and protection for her and it seems as soon as social services had withdrawn there was a complete breakdown in supervision.

"These were nine and ten year olds indulging in sexual activity and the defendant completely failing to supervise," Mr Worsley said

Not just the defendant, though. Are social services unaware that some of their 'clients' lie? Are they naive?  

Susan Cavender, representing the dad, said: "He was unaware of the vast majority of the incidents involving his daughter until he was told about them by third parties when he was told he did his best, no matter how inadequate that was, to remedy the situation.

"He has been quick to accept that his best was not good enough. His sins are of omission rather than commission and there is no suggestion he was ever physically abusive to his children.

"He admits, however, that his failure to supervise amounts to neglect. His chief offence is lack of intervention.

"He realises he has been a failure as far as his children are concerned and he is struggling to come to terms with that. He was not the parent he wished to be."

And nor was the State the 'assistant' in that endeavour that it wished to be...

Of course, to really fail, we need to turn to the justice system. Because, unbelievable as it may seem, this attracts no time behind bars for him: 

Sentencing the defendant to two years jail suspended for two years, ordered to attend 32 rehabilitation activity days, undergo six months of drug rehabilitation, and fined £120, Recorder Thomas Brown said "You were advised as far back as 2012 by the police about caring appropriately for your daughter when you left her with a suspected child sex offender. You appreciated that that person had a sexual interest in children.

"I am satisfied that by your behaviour you have contributed to the sexualisation of her behaviour with others.

"This was conduct causing serious psychological, developmental and emotional harm to her."

And what did the social services do to prevent this? And why aren't they sharing the dock with him? 

What 'Cancelling His Debt' Really Means...

Mujakachi’s case has received a great deal of support in Sheffield and across the UK.

The Labour MP for Sheffield Hallam, Olivia Blake, has spoken in parliament on his behalf and a petition created by his partner, Melissa Smith, calls for the cancellation of his debt and has attracted 75,000 signatures.

It means you, taxpayer, get the bill instead. For someone who shouldn't even be here:

Mujakachi’s asylum appeals were eventually rejected, though he was not told whether this was due to the outstanding debt. He is now a “refused asylum seeker”, at risk of being deported to Zimbabwe, where he was born and where his father, Victor, is wanted by the government for speaking out against Robert Mugabe.

It doesn't seem as if it's that big a risk, but then the chance of him finally ending up on a plane back to Zimbabwe isn't that big a risk either, thanks to a supine Tory Party and the hordes of quislings in this country who want to keep these leeches in the country indefinitely...  

 

Well, Sasha, Of Course He Hasn't...

Mitigating, Sasha Bailey told the hearing Ozols is sorry and shows remorse for his actions.

She said: “He is ashamed of his actions and causing these injuries which this woman has to now live with the impact of.

“Drinking is clearly the problem for him and he has now fully realised this. His intention is to stop completely and has not been drinking while in custody (Ed: Errrr, well, yes...). His partner has very little money and is selling personal items to get by.”

...it's jail, not Weatherspoons! 

Sentencing Ozols, judge Shane Collery said: “When you committed these offences you had been banned from driving and had four convictions for excess drinking. There was evident disregard for the court orders and bans and sentences.

“You would have had to be an idiot not to know driving when this drunk is dangerous.”

You'd have to be an idiot to think he's ever going to stop, too, 

Did We Expect Anything Else..?

Conditions in hotels used by the Home Office to accommodate asylum seekers during the pandemic are akin to detention centres, according to a report that also says accommodation is often sub-standard and sometimes unsafe.

Oh? And who exactly produced this report..? 

It was conducted by academics at Edinburgh Napier University in partnership with grassroots organisation Migrants Organising for Rights and Empowerment.

Well, what a shocker! 

And what have asylum seekers (assuming they are genuine) to do with this organisation? Don't they realise that migrants and asylum seekers aren't supposed to be the same things? 

A Home Office spokesperson said: “The report in question contains a number of factual inaccuracies, is based on a limited sample size and the Home Office has not been asked to provide any evidence or direct input into the report. During the height of an unprecedented health pandemic, to ensure asylum seekers were not left destitute, additional accommodation was required at extremely short notice.”

It's OK, no need to explain yourselves. I wouldn't bother to read this either. Into the round file with it!

This Is Why Shoplifting Is Considered A Career In Certain Sections Of Society...

A trio of female thieves - with 16 children between them - went shoplifting at Bluewater Shopping Centre where they swiped £2,500 worth of perfume.

Shoplifters, eh? Professions, eh? Large families, eh? 

And when one of the shoplifters - who all identified themselves as Orthrodox Christian Roma women - was later asked why she had done it, she replied: "The devil possessed me!"

As expected. *sighs* 

Maidstone Crown Court heard how the three had stashed 21 bottles of expensive perfume among four layers of skirts, with special pockets which were worn over trousers.

First offence? *laughs* 

All three live in the Tottenham area in north London and have previous convictions for theft or going equipped to steal.

Each received jail sentences suspended for two years and were ordered to carry out 250 hours of unpaid work for the community.

It'd be funny if it wasn't such a headache for the retail industry.  

The judge, Recorder Patricia Hitchcock QC told her: "You are clearly a regular shoplifter, but now that must stop. You said you had no intention of selling the perfume and that you are illiterate and you didn't know how valuable the perfume was.

"But you had 12 of the 21 bottles in pockets in your many layers of skirts. You were clearly going to sell them for profit."

The judge added that while she accepted that their religion and culture involved women wearing long skirts that didn't include special pockets and slits in the material.

Then put them where they belong, judge - behind bars! 

You Need To Feel Like A Prisoner...

Speaking to the Sun Online, Stephen said that he felt he needed to act because the doorbell overlooked his own home.

He told the website: 'It's pathetic, I know. But I feel like a prisoner. I open the gate and the camera is looking straight at me. It's just not right.'

...but thanks to our worthless justice system, you aren't one.  

However, Victoria Riscinskis, 39, who had purchased the smart doorbell, said she had done so in order to look after her vulnerable 61-year-old uncle who lives alone at the property.

Speaking about the situation, she told the Sun Online she had contacted the police, her local council and her MP around 50 times out of fear for the safety of her uncle.

She said: 'The council needs to take action with their tenant because we can't keep living with the constant fear of his unpredictable behaviour.

'No one is taking responsibility and enough is enough. How much do we have to put up with until something is done?'

They'll act after he assaults (or worse) your uncle, or you. Maybe. If you're lucky. 

Responding to Victoria's comments, a Birmingham City Council spokesperson said that their safety team were dealing with the concerns and are working to address them.

While a West Midlands Police spokesman said that they have taken action and investigated each of the reported incidents - which led to Stephen's prosecution. They added that they are aware the problems remain ongoing though and remain in contact with Victoria and her family.

So basically, just put up with it and get back to us the next time this nutter damages your property.  

US State Declares 'Migrants Not Welcome, Kill On Sight'

Since arriving in Pennsylvania, probably via a shipping container from Asia, [the migrants] have ravaged the US north-east in recent years.

“They’re very good hitchhikers,” George Hamilton, Rutgers University, told USA Today. “Most people don’t even know they’ve got them...”

Besides reporting any sightings, officials haven’t minced words about what Americans should do in the midst of a [migrant] invasion. “Kill it!” the Pennsylvania department of agriculture says on its website. “Squash it, smash it … just get rid of it.”

Gosh! But don't they welcome the vibrant diversity this migrant brings?

Can The IOPC Bring In A Verdict Of 'You Brought It On Yourself'..?

The Metropolitan police has referred itself to the Independent Office for Police Conduct over an incident where an older black man was hospitalised after officers pulled over his vehicle in south London.

Oh..? Did they savagely assault a pensioner then, for no reason?  

The 70-year-old driver was stopped by traffic officers in Bromley over a broken brake light on Monday afternoon.

The man allegedly struggled with an officer after getting out of his car, leaving the officer with an eye injury.

Ah. More the other way round. 

But what could possibly cause an elderly man to go tonto when the police stop him to point out a defect in his vehicle? I'd be greatful to have this pointed out, thank them, and call the garage to get it fixed. 

Wouldn't anyone? 

The caption on the post, which has been liked more than 100,000 times and generated more than 5,000 comments, reads: “Today these police men beat up my dad in the Shortlands/Bromley area as they said he posed immediate threat towards them. This incident escalated because the police men pulled my dad due to one of his lights not working which he was not aware of.

“My dad is born-and-bred Jamaican whose accent is very strong and isn’t afraid to say what he feels about the @metpolice_uk and their corrupt racist system as my dad made hand gestures telling them to leave him alone they felt it was now their duty to physically abuse him.”

Case closed, I think! 

Sometimes Karma Isn't A Bitch...

...sometimes it's a dog:

A spokeswoman for Sussex Police said: "The woman was brought to safety and has been taken to hospital with potentially life changing injuries.

"The dog was contained in the garden with the support of the National Police Air Service helicopter, and was later seized by officers."

Once again, why take it alive? Why risk more resources? 

A witness has reported that the dog belongs to the woman who was attacked.

Dangerous place, Crowborough.  

A pet owner has been warned to keep her dog under control after it bit a woman. Wendy Davy's dog Buster was "dangerously out of control" in Crowborough.

So 61-year-old Davy has been ordered to keep Buster in check, or he will be put down.

Hmmm. I wonder...? 

They Won't Learn, Because There Are No Consequences...

A mother who went on a drink and cocaine binge while her nine-year-old boy was mauled to death by an American bulldog cross has apologised to his father - as a court heard there had been three previous incidents with the dog.

Was I right, or was I right?

Today, senior coroner for Cornwall, Andrew Cox, said Willis had made a 'serious error of judgment and a serious mistake' in leaving Frankie alone with the dog but her negligence was not sufficient to allow him to record a conclusion of unlawful killing.

What..?!? 

Instead, he recorded a narrative conclusion and said he would be writing a preventing future deaths report to Devon and Cornwall Police. It came as the court heard the dog had previously attacked three people in Plymouth between 2016 and 2018.

*sighs* 

'When I went into the caravan the dog followed me in and Frankie asked me if the dog could stay in and I asked Sadie, 'Is he alright' and she said, 'Yeah, take Winnie, Winnie loves kids.'

Loves them to death. 

The most heart-rending part of this story is that the poor kid had defensive wounds, indicating that he tried - futilely - to fight off the beast that weighed more than he did...  

Andrew Cox, the senior coroner for Cornwall, said: 'It does raise the question in my mind whether steps could have been taken earlier that may have avoided this tragic outcome.

'It is manifestly obvious now to us having heard all of the evidence and having learnt of the incidents in 2016 and 2018 that there was a risk of this dog attacking Frankie.

'At the time Ms Willis did not know that and I have accepted her evidence.

'The same cannot be said of Ms Totterdell as she must have known of the earlier incidents and was spoken to by the police following the incident in 2016 and spoken to by the mother of the child bitten in 2018.'

But that's the problem, isn't it? She was just 'spoken to'. The police being seemingly handicapped by the old adage that a dog is 'allowed one bite' even when it's already had two or three. 

He said: 'I want the police to check the systems they now have in place are sufficiently robust to ensure where that happens, if it is necessary, a dog is dealt with before this sort of incident can happen again.

'I want to be very clear, I am not saying that the police did not take the appropriate steps on this occasion.

'We know there were two incidents in 2016 but the events of 2018 were not brought to police attention.

'What it seems to me is important is that a robust system is in place so that if there are incidents like this in the future, we can be confident that those dogs that need to be are dealt with.'

Don't hold your breath, Mr Cox... 

Vibrant, Enriching Diversity!

A man had his hand cut off after being attacked with his own machete by angry vigilantes, according to locals.

No, not South Africa, Dhaka or Rio De Janeiro, this is Khan's London. 

A councillor wrote on Facebook that locals had cornered a man who had reportedly brought a machete to the scene. He wrote: “Yeah...you don’t mess with the people of Tower Hamlets.

“On a more serious note: Armed with machetes, this group has allegedly targeted innocent people in that area a few times. Locals decided to take matters into their own hands. “Nobody should ever condone vigilantism like this but it should also be a lesson for people who carry knives: your weapon can easily be turned against you.”

Locals..? Have the Pearly Kings started a vigilante group?

 Ah! The new locals...

A nearby shop owner said police closed off the street very quickly and he had heard from customers the man’s hand was cut off. Drill rapper Ak6ix7even said people had released “fake news” of him being involved in the attack after a photo emerged of him being arrested.

Good old London. So much better for having new blood, even if it is mostly on the streets, I suppose... 

Ouch!

/applause once again for Matt...

It Must Be 'Take Your Child To Work Day'...

...at the 'Gloucestershire Echo'. And they even let them write for it!

Sunday Funnies...

I wonder what stories the Secret Service agents looking after Joe Biden will have to tell... 

Normal Human Beings Don't Require Any Support At All...

A teenage mother who left her 20-month-old baby alone to die while she partied only received two hours of support a week from a charity, a hearing was told.

...to not do this.

YMCA DownsLink Group said they acted primarily as an accommodation provider for Verphy Kudi in the build up to her daughter’s death.

Yes, it's this case again. And not content with soaking up taxpayer resources without a live baby and working mother at the end of it, the State is about to splash out yet more of our money on a no doubt pointless exercise: 

Kudi pleaded guilty to manslaughter in March and was sentenced to nine years imprisonment on August 6. A full inquest into baby Asiah's death is due to be held at the end of January 2022.

Assistant coroner Karen Henderson said she expects the inquest to last between three and five days.

Gotta keep those legal aid shysters in BMWs! 

Peter Wilcock QC, defending Kudi, said it is “truly a tragic and devastating case”.

“She herself, the defendant, is both very young and we would submit very vulnerable,” he said.

I think the genuinely vulnerable person in this ghastly case is dead, Peter... 

Sentencing Kudi last month, Judge Christine Laing QC said:“It goes without saying that this is a particularly tragic case and it no doubt raises strong emotions in all who hear of it, but everyone should bear in mind that the charge I sentence you for is one of manslaughter, it being accepted that you did not intend to cause Asiah death nor to cause her really serious harm.”

What did this waste of skin think would happen if you left a baby alone for that long?  Another thing normal human beings know without need of State 'support'.

Signs Of The Apocalypse...

Doctors are being offered training to improve their bedside manner...

Well, it's about time!

...after dozens of patients complained about being ‘fat-shamed’ by NHS staff.

Wait, what?

Some took exception to being told that they were an unhealthy weight, needed to improve their diet or were too big to fit in scanners or have operations. The Royal College of Physicians said healthcare workers ‘must not be afraid’ to raise the issue because of the ‘very severe risks’ of obesity but they should discuss it ‘sensitively’ and avoid using ‘stigmatising language’.

How the hell do you point out to someone that the only scanner they will fit in is at Seaworld or London Zoo 'sensitively'..?

One doctor at Maidstone and Tunbridge Wells NHS Trust allegedly told a woman she was morbidly obese and it was her fault because of ‘the crap she eats’.

Maybe it was. What else should the doctor have told her? 

Tam Fry, of the National Obesity Forum, said: ‘A lot of people are in denial about their weight and doctors should not shy away from telling them home truths.

‘Some healthcare workers may need to improve their bedside manner but there will be some patients who take offence at being told they are overweight no matter how sensitively it is done.’

I can't believe I'm agreeing with Tam Fry of all people! 

*peers out of window for quartet of eerie horsemen*

I Hope They Take You (And Your Failed Parents) To The Cleaners...

A police officer's son who killed two men while drug-driving is being sued for more than £200,000 by one of their families.

Hang on..? Surely this isn't..? Yes. It is.

Magistrates spared Mr Coopey jail when he appeared in court and imposed costs of £105 which they said his parents could pay, but that the teenager should do chores around the house to make up for it.

However, Mr Imi's wife Sarah has since launched a civil action against Mr Coopey for compensation over the death of her husband, who leaves behind three children.

It was understood that Mr Shackley's family is also suing.

The best of British luck to you both, since British justice has failed you so abysmally. 

Oh, There Definitely Was A 'Need Or Purpose', Humza...

...it's bloody hilarious: 

The Scottish Health Secretary has been left unimpressed after a BBC journalist tweeted a video of him falling off a knee scooter while racing down a corridor at Holyrood Parliament.

Humza Yousaf said he wasn't sure there was a 'need or purpose' for the short clip to be shared by Glenn Campbell after it began receiving thousands of 'likes' on Twitter.

And it perfectly pricks the pomposity of this puffed-up little goon. And, as these things usually do, shows him up for what he is: 

Some social media users accused Mr Yousaf of hypocrisy after he previously said he 'couldn't wait to see the meme' after MP Douglas Ross fell over while acting as assistant referee during the Scottish Cup Final in 2018

He tweeted following the incident: 'Best moment of the 2nd half - Douglas Ross MP decks it a belter! Can't wait to see the meme...'

And also clearly not as someone fit for his role: 

Social media users pointed out that instruction manuals for the device available online repeatedly advise users to not travel at speed.

'We have a person in charge of a £15bn portfolio who hasn’t read the instructions,' wrote one alongside a screenshot of the manual which reads: 'Do not scoot at high speeds.'

Well, can't leave you without the video, can I?

   

Get the popcorn!

We Know Who's Really Paying, Recorder Cuthbert...

Mitigating for French, Nick Maggs said: “He accepts that it was him and he was responsible.

“The report writer asked why he didn’t admit it. His explanation was ‘well, my dad told me to’.

“That’s not a good explanation but one has to compare it to other defendants who are convicted at trial and maintain that position upon conviction. But now that he expresses some remorse is significant.”

Oooh, scraping the excuse barrel there, Nicky boy... 

Recorder Leslie Cuthbert said: “You participated in what can be described as a group attack on him, a simple member of the public who was trying to do his civic duty to prevent you and your two associates from stealing alcohol from Sainsbury’s.

“In return for him doing that courageous act you participated in punching and kicking him, fracturing his left eye socket and his left shoulder dislocated.”

And that calls for a spell in chokey, surely? Surely...?

Recorder Cuthbert said that French is “only just” not going to prison, giving him 23 months suspended for two years, plus 200 hours unpaid work and 15 days rehabilitation.

He also ordered French to pay £2,000 in compensation, plus £1,750 in costs.

From his well-paying job, I suppose? 

Perhaps We Can All Forgive Gavin Williamson, Now...

...especially you, Rashford:

Mr Irvine said: "Having reviewed the evidence, a hypothesis has been arrived at by the Metropolitan Police that this is a tragic case of mistaken identity. Is that right?"

"Yes, that's correct", Det Insp Simon replied.

"It is believed the shooter had wrongly believed David was somebody else he had a problem with," Mr Irvine added.

"Yes", the officer confirmed.

A forensic post-mortem gave the cause of death as gunshot wound to the head.

If they can't tell each other apart, how is anyone else supposed to? 

Chavs Gonna Chav...

A mother accused of killing her own children in a brutal motorway crash has gone on the run, with border control asked to place 'alerts' to ensure her return.

Mother-of-four Mary McCann, 35, of Derby, was due to appear before Aylesbury Crown Court today to answer two charges of causing death by dangerous driving.

She is set to stand trial over the deaths of her son Smaller, 10, and daughter Lilly, 4, after slamming her white Vauxhall Astra into a Scania HGV while driving on the M1 near J14 and J15 on Monday, August 9.

All I needed to know about this woman I learned from the social media picture the MSM grabbed when it happened...

The judge issued a warrant, not backed for bail, for her arrest saying he wanted the Home Office to put ports and airports on alert for her.

'It is most likely she will flee to Ireland,' he said.

Hmmm. Ireland, eh..? 

Much Like The Children In Those Images Did, I Imagine...

John William Green, known as Will Green, was head of corporate communications at Cleveland Police when he accessed indecent pictures of youngsters.

He was spared jail at Teesside Magistrates' Court today but as he left the building an attacker grabbed his head and his mask then chased him up the court ramp as Green shouted 'help, help'.

It says a lot about why police public communications are so dire, doesn't it?

The assault came to an end when security guards pinned the assailant down.

Hope they didn't hurry...

Superintendent Paul Waugh, of the force’s Directorate of Standards and Ethics said: 'The public may be concerned that a Cleveland Police staff member has been found to have committed these offences, but I hope our actions to bring this person before the courts provides reassurance and highlights that we do everything in our power to seek justice for these crimes, without fear or favour, even when the suspect works for the same police force.”

Not really, no. It's your job. What do you want, a cookie? 

Don't Worry, Lads, I Know A Way Out Of This...

Oh, the brute!

How awful!

But wait! Just identify as a woman and you can beat them with utter impunity! You'll even win awards for it...

...which just goes to show how utterly mad the world has become, doesn't it?

More Like 'The Final Countdown'...

A heartbroken family has paid emotional tributes to a biker “with a heart of gold” following the verdict of his inquest.

Robert Kenward has been described by his family as a “hands on” man who loved riding motorbikes and being out with his friends.

Mr Kenward’s family told the inquest that he “died doing what he loved”.

So...what was it that he loved?  

The 24-year-old had been pulling a wheelie when he sadly lost control of his vehicle and collided with a lamppost when heading towards Hadleigh.

Oh, Seems it was 'riding like a moron and endangering other road users and pedestrians'. 

Well, then, *high five*, Grim Reaper! 

Coroner Brown recorded a verdict that Mr Kenward died in a road traffic collision. She added: “It’s been a long time, and now it’s the final chapter.”

Would have been very tempted, if I were her, to break into song! 

You Can Get Bail For This Now..?

The family of a care worker beaten to within an inch of his life as he reportedly tried to protect his son from bullies has said their "life sentences began that day".

Alan Willson was left “fighting for his life” at the Royal Sussex County Hospital in Brighton following the shocking incident at Longcroft Park, Worthing, shortly before 7.30pm on Easter Sunday.

At least the police have someone for it. Well, temporarily, at least... 

Five teenagers, all under 18, were arrested on suspicion of attempted murder before being released on bail with "strict conditions".

Sussex Police confirmed to The Argus yesterday that the youths remain on conditional bail while investigations continue.

Who are they? The authorities won't tell, because they are 'children'. But they seem to be well known in the local area: 

Once, they'd be well-known to the local cops too. And maybe even locked up be fore it got to this point. Sadly, those days are long-gone.

Some 'Puppy'..!

The owner of a German Shepherd puppy which attacked a young boy as he playing with his friends has been jailed for 16 months.

A puppy? What harm could a puppy d... 

The victim suffered puncture wounds and a broken arm and needed emergency surgery under general anaesthetic.

*blinks* 

It was the second time in a fortnight Beau the Alsatian had attacked the same child.

Wait, what..?! 

A destruction order has now been issued for the animal and the owner has been disqualified from keeping dogs for 10 years.

Wow, some actual jail time and a ban! There must have been some aggravating circumstance, surely? 

Price, who runs his own landscape gardening business, later went to see the injured boy's family and suggested the matter could be "kept quiet" with the broken arm being attributed to the youngster falling off his bike.

But wait, wasn't this the second time this brute - sorry, I mean 'puppy' - had been out of control? 

The court heard the attack happened two weeks after Beau had bitten the same boy – again after getting out of the house.

This earlier incident resulted in only minor injuries and it had not been been reported to the police at the time after Price apologised and reassured his parents it was a "one-off".

Heh! They are clearly idiots. But surely there must be more aggravating features than this, which is standard behaviour for dangerous dog owners? 

He has 15 previous convictions for 25 offences.

Ah. There it is.  

That Moment When You're Not Sure...

...if this is the usual 'Mail' fumble-fingered typesetting or some new gender-fluidity in familial relationships!

H/T: John Marlow via email

The Kennel Club Was Right...

...they really are breeding some funny looking dachshunds these days!

H/T: Longrider via email

Sunday Funnies...

See, good things happen when you don't pay your taxes!

"There are twenty years to go, a golden age I know, but all will pass, and end too fast you know..."

How quickly 10 years becomes 15 years. And then 20 years. 

It truly was my generation's 'JFK assasination' moment. I'll never, ever forget it. Or those who brought it about.

And...what was it all for? As the JFK murder ushered in the retreat from Vietnam, an ignominious defeat for the US in a land they should never have been to in the first place, so for this significant anniversary we see the US humbled again by sandal-wearing medieval peasants, thanks to weak leadership.

Normal service resumes tomorrow.

A Genuine Case Of Mistaken Identity..?

They are rare, but they do happen. I'm not convinced that this is what happened here, though...

Three men have been jailed for stabbing an innocent 19-year-old man to death in a revenge attack outside a pub in Essex after one of the killers was attacked hours earlier.

Another victim was stabbed in the leg by the gang and was left needing surgery in the revenge attack after one of the killers was attacked hours earlier but not by either of his victims.

...or something else? Is there a clue here, perhaps? 

Although the defendants and the victims were known to each other, neither Liam nor his friend were involved in the assault on Filby.

So exactly how were they 'known to each other' and why did they choose to attack this group, and not another? 

Speaking after the verdicts were announced on May 5, Liam's nan, Julie Taylor, 55, from Chelmsford said: "We're not going to let Liam die in vain. We have got to stop youth violence somehow with this generation."

First, we need to be honest about them. 

You Spelled 'Scummy Thugs' Wrong...

A commuter who stuck up for a woman after a plastic bottle was thrown at her on a train was set upon by a large group of...

Wait for it, wait for it... 

...college students.

*blinks* 

Mark Hosker was brutally punched and kicked by around nine teenagers on the platform of Nelson station after he had asked them to ‘stop being childish’ while on the train, which he had boarded in Blackburn.

The large group, who he described as being intimidating, started throwing around a plastic bottle, which ended up hitting another passenger. She did not say anything to the group, but Mr Hosker did.

Which, for a man with a prosthetic leg, was brave. And sadly futile. 

One man, Saif Ali, 21, was later identified following a police investigation and appeared in court for his role in the attack.

Boy, I can't wait for the mitigation... 

Defending Ali, of Lloyd Walk, Nelson, Joseph Allman started his mitigation by offering his client’s ‘most sincere apologies and remorse’ to Mr Hosker.

Mr Allman told the court that all of Ali’s closest friends and family were disgusted by his behaviour.

“His part in the assault was shortlived, he made the appalling decision to join in and he inflicted two kicks,” he said.

“He has held down a number of jobs. Education didn’t work out particularly well for him but he is a hard-working person. He is currently working for the track and trace programme. He has a supportive family.”

*sighs* 

Debating whether or not he should give Ali a chance, Recorder Mr Philip Grundy said it was ‘not difficult to lock up young men who have committed serious offences’. He added:

“What is difficult is; do I take a chance with you, for all the reasons put forward on your behalf?”

It can't be that difficult, can it? You bleeding hearts seem to manage it on a daily basis! 

“While the starting point is a custodial sentence, in the specific circumstances of your case, I will suspend that for two years.”

That'll teach him. 

*Yawns*

A protest has taken place against a holiday company that has been accused of...

Overcharging? Overpromising and underdelivering? 

...mass deportations this year.

Eh..? 

The march, which has been organised by The Stop TUI campaign, started at The Level in Union Road, Brighton at 1 pm.

Oh, I might have known...

Speeches were made by high-profile members from the city, such as Lloyd Russell-Moyle, the Mp for Kemptown.

Who..? Is there another meaning of the tem 'high profile' of which I'm unaware?

Steve Jackson, the lead coordinator of Stop TUI Brighton, said: "TUI have conducted at least 20 mass deportation flights from the UK so far this year."

You're right, that is an utter disgrace. It's far too few.

"TUI must immediately drop deportations and make a public statement pledging they will not conduct any more deportation flights. All deportations are violent, racist and unjust."

And all Open Borders activists are moronic, self-absorbed and utterly inconsequential. 

It's Always The Gingers...

A woman was touched inappropriately by a cyclist (Ed: See? They are a menace when they insist on riding with no hands!) while she was walking in Laindon. The victim, who is in her 20s, was heading along Mayland Path when she was approached by the male cyclist. He touched her inappropriately before cycling in the direction of the Langdon Hills Tesco.

“He has been described as being white, around 5ft 8ins tall, and having ginger hair and facial hair.”

No good ever comes of them... 

Why Bother Beefing Up The DDA At All?

A bull terrier that savaged a six-year-old boy after pulling him from his bike has been saved from a death sentence by being adopted by a dog behaviour expert.

What..?!? 

A judge at Exeter Crown Court made a contingency destruction order which means the dog will be allowed to live but not with previous owner Dean Johns.

Johns, aged 51, of Midway Terrace Alphington, admitted owning a dog which was dangerously out of control and was jailed for 12 months, suspended for two years.

He was ordered to do 180 hours of unpaid community work and pay £200 compensation by Recorder Mr Adam Feest, QC, who also banned him from owning a dog for two years.

Because after two years he'll be suitable to own another animal and risk the safety of the public? 

The judge said: ”This is not a case so much about this particular animal as about the defendant and his ability to control him. This is a case in which the owner is as much at fault as the dog.”

I'm happy to see him put down too, actually. 

He described the £200 compensation as in no way reflecting the suffering of the injured boy but said it was a token figure based on the fact that Johns is not currently in work.

But can afford to feed a dog? Of course...

Still, maybe he was shocked and totally remorseful after the att..

Johns arrived after the father had climbed a bank with his children to escape. He was dismissive and aggressive, claiming his dog was only playing. The father showed him the boy’s injuries but Johns asked him ‘do you want to make something of it?’

The boy was taken to hospital by ambulance with a severe bite wound to his leg.

Oh. No. Of course not. They rarely are, are they?  

Mr Warren Robinson, defending, said Johns’s main concern is for the welfare of Caesar and he would agree with any order that allowed the dog to live.

It's a measure of defence lawyers that they can say that of the perpetrator, rather than the victim, isn't it? 

He said Johns is an experienced dog owner who had previously looked after a spaniel for 13 years but did not realise how different it was owning a bull terrier. He had taken Caesar to puppy classes and thought he had him well trained and under control until this incident.

He reacted as he did at the scene because he had seen the attack and did not realise the seriousness of the situation.

Pull the other one, Warren. He's a vicious thug, which is why he wanted a vicious thug dog. 

H/T: i.r.jackson via email 

Oliver Twist Didn't Get It, And Nor Should You...

Of course they do. 

And you know what? While we have a 'conservative' government like this one, they are almost certain to get it.

The NHS Confederation and NHS Providers, which represent hospitals and health organisations, claimed it would still leave a funding gap of around £3.5billion a year for frontline services in England. They had wanted £10billion a year just to clear the patient backlog and additional costs arising from the pandemic.

Not to employ more useless box-ticking diversity posts? And other waste?

Ministers have also promised NHS reform and investment in new technology to ensure the money is not wasted – and have promised they will push the health service to '110 per cent capacity'.

This crisis is not something we can technologicise our way out of, given the NHS's - hell, the civil service entire's - track record with overspending and under-delivering on IT.  

It's the people that screw up, the computers just help them to do it more efficiently.

What Was The Point Of The Consultation, Then..?

Guy's Hospital has confirmed it will move a statue of its founder Thomas Guy to a less prominent position because of his links to Britain's slave trade after facing pressure from Black Lives Matter protests.

The decision has been agreed by the hospital's charitable foundation despite its consultation revealing that 75 per cent of those who responded felt the statue should remain in place.

Then why hold it at all? 

The trust has said the changes to St Guy's and St Thomas' statues is subject to planning permission.

Oh, wouldn't it just be delicious if this was refused? But we all know it won't be.  

...the consultation authors said that the campaign group's supporters dominated the responses, skewing the results.

Just like the BLM morons do, you mean? 

It comes as Goldsmiths University of London launched public consultation on plans to remove four statues including Lord Nelson and Francis Drake.

Will it be a real consultation, or another exercise in futility? 

The university says it does not have a 'policy position' on the statues and is opening the consultation to the public to determine their future.

We'll see... 

Someone Sees An Unusual Reason...

A secret panel of councillors held a hearing behind closed doors today that could strip a Brighton pub of its licence and throw people out of their jobs.

Sussex Police asked a Brighton and Hove City Council licensing panel to hold a hearing in private – and the panel agreed.

And despite the laws governing open justice, the council also withheld 200 pages of evidence, some relating to a criminal case in which the defendant has already been convicted, having pleaded guilty.

The pub aren't happy, and well might they not be: 

Barrister Sarah Clover, for Indigo Leisure, the owner of Molly Malone’s, said: “The default is for licensing hearings to be heard in public. I don’t see an unusual reason in this case for it not to be held in public.”

Me neither. The police refer to 'potential other elements of the case'. But these too are secret: 

...details of the criminal case were made public at Brighton Magistrates’ Court last month when a Hove teenager, whose identity is protected by law, admitted carrying out a violent attack.

Sussex Police barrister Peter Savill said that other elements of the case were still active, although he did not make clear publicly exactly what they might be.

Should the police and council have these powers to close down businesses and affect jobs in this manner? I don't believe so. We know they won't use them wisely. 

There Not Being An Available Conclusion Of 'Served Him Right'...

A man was crushed by a car while attempting to remove its catalytic converter, an inquest has heard.

Oh, the perils of DIY! Why didn't he just call QuickFit or a mobile mechanic to help him with his... 

Daniel Stephens, 25, from Pontypool, was found dead by the owner of the vehicle in a car park on High Street, Cymmer, Porth at about 6am on August 12, 2020.

Oh. Well, I do love poetry...

His friend, Aaron Godfrey, who was with him on the evening of August 11, said that Mr Stephens - who had three children with a former partner - had told him that he needed money to attend court for child arrangements.

Great! So he isn't even a Darwin Award winner! 

He was taken to hospital where he was pronounced dead, and was later identified by his fingerprints and tattoos.

Which suggests it's not his first brush with the law. 

Assistant coroner for South Wales Central Rachel Knight offered her condolences to Mr Stephens' family and friends.

The coroner said he was "clearly missed by many people", before delivering a conclusion of accidental death.

We really need a new conclusion for coroners to draw in these cases, don't we? 

Pop Into The Office To Tell Your Boss, Matt...

Deputy Assistant Commissioner Matt Twist confirmed nearly 2,000 officers have been involved in policing the activists every day, adding that they had acted 'swiftly' when demonstrators caused 'serious disruption' to Londoners.

There are around 32,000 police officers in London. Mr Twist told Times Radio on Friday: 'It's not the numbers of protesters but it's the level of serious disruption that they're looking to cause, which is impacting on other Londoners.

'We've said right from the start, we know that Extinction Rebellion have the right to protest and the right to assemble.

'But what we also made clear is these are qualified rights and they have got to be balanced against the rights of the rest of London and Londoners, the people, the businesses, the communities who want to lawfully go about their business.

'Where we've seen cases of both very serious and totally unreasonable disruption looking to be caused, we have to take action and move in and make arrests.'

...because she's the one who let you twist in the wind. 

Fail to crack down on behaviour when it starts small, and of course you'll see more of it.

More Evidence, As If It Was Needed...

 

...that Matt's a man after my own heart!

"And The Beef With Extra Beef For You, Madam..?"

 

"Oh, why not, one can never have too much of a good thing..."

Sunday Funnies...

Sometimes, it's the simplest things...

I Wonder If The British Educational System Should Take The Blame..?

The manager of a Wickford takeaway who did not know there was milk in cheese or eggs in mayonnaise was putting customers at risk, a council report has revealed.

*blinks* 

Council officers reported the takeaway’s menu contained a statement saying customers should mention allergies to staff, however, when quizzed by officers, the manager did not understand what allergens were in foods.

The report stated: “He was not aware that there were eggs in mayonnaise and burger sauce, he did not know that milk was in cheese, or that gluten was in the pizza bases or pitta bread.

“The consequences of serving food containing an allergen to someone with an allergy could be death, it is serious and staff must be trained in allergen management.”

Well, yes. Was that the only issue discovered?  

The report added: “Neither of the wash hand basins had soap, or hygienic hand drying facilities provided. A strainer had been left in the wash hand basin in the kitchen.”

Ah. 

Jan Erdinc, deputy manager at Cosmos, said: “It’s all been sorted out and we are waiting to be reinspected and given a new score.

“When the inspectors came there was an issue with the electric and they kept tripping and unfortunately that was on the day they came. But that has all been rewired now.

The idiot manager runs on electricity? That was the issue?

“I can assure you if it was anything that serious they would have closed us down immediately.”

Well, then, you have more faith in the efficiency of the council than the rest of us! 

'Gutted'..? You Should Be Hung, Drawn And Quartered...

A surveillance team and special tactics group monitored the man at all times and plain clothes officers were able to shoot and kill him within 60 seconds of launching the attack after detectives were so close they 'heard' the commotion.

And yet despite that, six victims are tonight fighting for their lives in hospitals in Adern's New Zealand.

Ardern revealed that the suspect was considered one of the nation's most dangerous extremists and had been watched 24/7 since 2016, adding she was 'gutted' he was able to carry out the attack despite being on the terror watchlist.

If he'd been deported back to his home country, he wouldn't have been able to do it, would he? Whoever he is. Because despite him being stone cold dead, the law in Adern's nightmare land forbid him from being identified...

Due to suppression orders that are already in place, Ardern says there is information about the man's identity and details of his past criminal history that cannot yet be revealed.

She vowed to share any further details 'within the confines of the law' if the court lifted suppression orders in the wake of his death. But Auckland's mayor Phil Goff said it is 'frustrating' that Ardern cannot reveal more details about the attacker.

It's more than just frustrating, it's utterly insane. The lands down under have turned into places that even North Korea probably regard as a bit bonkers. 

Another Member Of The Entitled Class Is Exposed...

The woman who has masterminded Extinction Rebellion's shutdown of Central London all this week may claim to have the solutions to the world's environmental problems.

But she has yet to convince her own neighbours in the leafy Cotswolds town of Stroud who complain about her use of a gas-guzzling car, the state of her 'eyesore' house and her overgrown gardens.

She has yet to convince 99% of the public too! 

Another local, a services veteran who asked not to be named, told us: 'She is an absolute hypocrite for telling us all how to live and then driving around in that diesel car. She's even got her green credentials on it.'

He went on: 'I help out at the community centre and I painted the bus stop and railings near her house.

'She came up to me and said 'Why bother?' 'I wasn't impressed with her attitude and had to stop myself from telling her it was none of her f***ing business.'

You shouldn't have held back. I wouldn't! 

She has previously said that she cannot afford to replace it with a more environmentally friendly electric car. Dr Bradbrook, who has a PhD in molecular biophysics, complains she needs it to ferry her two children to football and rugby because of a lack of public transport in her neighbourhood of Paganhill.

That's a familiar excuse, isn't it?

Let's Try That Headline Again...

One witness said the woman had already walked on the roof of the white Toyota Prius at the traffic lights in Romford Road before jumping on to the black Fiat.

@AminNumeroUno said: 'Literally just saw this in Forest gate, its just crazy these days in east London. For those asking the back story behind this, she jumped from the roof of the white Prius to the bonnet of this car, then up the windscreen to the car roof'.

He added: 'What happened next... well she crossed the road and moved to another car lol'.

'Driver defends his property from yet another drunk, drugged, mentally ill (or all three) lunatic on the streets'

There. That's more accurate, isn't it? 

And spare me the 'no gentleman hits a lady' platitudes, because no lady gets smashed off her tits on whatever she was on and expects to behave as she likes with no consequences.

Next Earth-Shattering Revelation In The 'Guardian' - "Serengeti Waterhole Has Highest Number Of Predators"...

 

The UK’s most deprived areas have more than 10 times the number of betting shops than the most affluent parts of the country, research shows.

Maybe that's why they are deprived?  

Gambling venues are concentrated in the most deprived areas of Britain, against the wishes of people who live nearby, according to a report commissioned by the Standard Life Foundation charity. “Those with the least resources are being targeted more,” the report says.

If it really was 'against the wishes' of the local people, wouldn't they go bust? 

The report also raised concerns that half of the 348 gambling treatment services mapped by researchers were within five minutes’ walk of a gambling premises.

Errr.... 

Real life is like an alien world to the 'Guardian', isn't it? 

'Capture'..? Don't You Mean 'Shoot'..?

Families were told to 'stay in their homes' while police tried to capture two dogs after a man was attacked in the street.

Officers from Merseyside Police were called to the scene, around Mount Pleasant Avenue, St Helens, after reports two American bulldogs were running loose.

A man, in his 40s, was attacked by one of the dogs and was left with puncture wounds to his chest.

To his chest..? FFS! 

One of the dogs was seized by officers but the second dog has not yet been found.

Why seize it? You had armed officers on scene, what's the point in taking it alive? 

If it's to check for a chip (ha! as if!), safer to do that when it's stone cold. 

A witness, who lives in the area, claimed officers told residents to stay indoors and to not approach the dog if they see it.

It's undoubtedly local.  You could try reading the local rag?

Musical Interlude - September:"When do you kids stop? You make this world lousy!"

It's another from my 'Soundtrack Retrospective', and of course it's the incomparable 'West Side Story'.

The Bernstein version of course, accept no substitutes, and yes, I'm giving you the stink eye, Spielberg! Oh, I'll see it, there's no doubt about that. But it'll mainly be to try and answer the question 'Why...?'.

With a musical as great as this one, it was hard to select a favourite. But the hopeful longing and exuberance of this track contrast so nicely with what you know is going to be the unhappy ending it's my pick:

 

Update: Last night I watched the new version on Disney+ and...it's a masterpirece! The choreography and sets (actual New York streets) are superb, the leads are engaging, Rita Moreno's turn as Dov's widow is inprired. I take it all back, Spielberg - take a bow.

"I Don't Understand Why The Crocodile Is Eating Us..."

"...didn't we feed him?"

Formula One bosses are 'apoplectic' with Lewis Hamilton for accusing the sport of putting money ahead of all else in the farce of the rain-sabotaged Belgian Grand Prix.

The seven-time world champion accused the sport that has made him a fortune worth more than £250million of greed by staging a ludicrous 'race' of just two laps behind the safety car on Sunday.

He said the 75,000 fans who were drenched to the bone should be refunded their ticket price, worth between £107 and £505.

And much as it galls me to say it...he's right.  

One source told Sportsmail: 'There is absolute fury internally at the naivety of Lewis's comments. He talks about handing back millions of pounds to fans, though he makes millions out of Formula One, and it guarantees his team's job, and he gives little or nothing back himself.

'He could have expressed his opinions privately rather than in the way he did, which makes no sense.'

Did you suggest the same when he was parading his support for a Marxist black supremacist organisation? 

No? 

Well, then...