"Don't Worry, We're Professional Sign Makers.."

Ummm....what?

Make Up Your Minds, 'Mail'!

Is it a bomber or a fighter? Hint: it's not a fighter!

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

Sunday Funnies...

I guess the TV series 'Rome' was rather tame after all...

Tweet Of The Month

 A double this month. From the topical:

To the ripost:

Post Title Of The Month

Making a brave fightback against the market dominance of Tim Newman, here's the Stigler at Mark Wadsworth on the Comic Relief disaster:

And Natalie Solent at Samizdata offers a musical interlude:

Quote Of The Month

LegIron on why EggBoy is no hero:

"And yes, an egg is pretty harmless as a weapon of choice but consider the egg recipient’s point of view.

They don’t know it’s an egg. They feel something hit them, sometimes hard, and then they feel wet stickiness at the point of impact. Loonies are out shooting and stabbing people with a horrible regularity these days. If you felt a sudden impact followed by a wet, sticky feeling at the point of impact, what would your first thought be? That some arse has thrown an egg? Or that you might have been shot or stabbed?

Tell you what – if I felt an impact, then a wet stickiness spreading from that point, turned around and saw the assailant… I am not going to check if what I’m feeling is egg or blood. I am going for that assailant first. They might go for another wet sticky patch and if it’s not egg I might not survive it.

I am not going to check if he has a knife in either hand. No time for that. And I will do a damn sight more than slap him or punch him. At that point I have no choice but to assume it’s him or me."

Post Of The Month

Al Jahom on the beginning of the end for the car as symbol of personal freedom.

Who Could Have Predicted This..?

People on Universal Credit are leaving Brighton and Hove City Council almost £400,000 short when it comes to paying their rent.

Eight per cent – or about one in 12 – council tenants are behind on their rent after receiving the new payment that combines housing benefit, child tax credit, jobseeker’s allowance, income support, working tax credit and employment support allowance.

These 948 people owe 38 per cent of all rent arrears, leaving the council with £368,000 in unpaid rent for the first nine months of the current financial year.

Naturally, everyone knows this is all the fault of the eeeeeevil Tory policy!

Councillor Tracey Hill, in charge of housing, said: “The Labour council takes very seriously the impact that Conservative Government welfare changes and austerity overall is having on the ability of many in the city to maintain their housing, including our council tenants.”

Green councillor David Gibson, spokesman for housing, said: “As more tenants are moved over to Universal Credit, arrears will get worse – and along with the misery of being in debt they will be forced to choose between food and rent.

“Then it is the council that has to pick up the pieces left by austerity.”

Except there might be a wee bit of a clue here in the comments:

Yup. The Tory masterplan here seems to have been 'Hey, you rely on these useless spongers for votes? Fine. Have some consequences.'

And unlike other Tory masterplans, it's worked.

More popcorn, anyone?

The Day Is Upon Us At Last...Or Is It?

I am, of course, setting this post up in February. And I'm not returning to it.

So where we are right now will be a surprise, perhaps. Time will tell.

We voted for it. Now we should get it. Will we? Let's see.

Open thread!

Surveillance...

A reminder. They are always watching...

I Think The Term You're Looking For Is 'Stone Liar', Your Honour...

Nazir was found guilty of being in charge of a dog dangerously out of control and perverting the course of justice today (March 19) following a trial at Cambridge Crown Court.

The court heard how Nazir was set to be sentenced in regards to two offences today. One relating to the injury and one relating to administration of justice. He was sentenced to 30 months in jail.

A pretty tough sentence for this sort of offence, given it was just another prospective dangerous dog owner injured, and not an innocent member of the public..

Talking about Mr Nazirs trial he said: "You and your family belong to the same community and Mr Hussain and his family. He said he has known you all his life.

"At your trial you said that was wrong and you didn't know him. It was found you were a person whose words are not to be relied on."

Gosh! Fancy that...

Killing With Kindness

The chief executive of a leading homeless charity says “well-meaning people” who give money to beggars are fuelling the drug and alcohol addictions of those on the streets.

Ooh! Controversial!

Andy Winter, from Brighton Housing Trust, said the main challenge is the city’s tolerant attitude to begging.

He said giving money was a “disincentive to seeking and accepting help”. He said that with the charities in the city, nobody should go hungry on the streets of Brighton.

Quite. And you'd think he'd be an unimpeachable source.

He recently met Brighton business owners who are concerned about the increasing antisocial behaviour associated with tents and encampments that have become established in the city.

Good. It's about time someone started standing up for the people who want to go about their day without being accosted by a scruffy drug addict begging for loose change.

Doubling Down...

A Humberside Police spokeswoman said: "A phone call was made to the complainant by Inspector Wilson to update him on his complaint to the Force, which is standard procedure."

Yeah, I have to agree love, it does indeed seem to be 'standard procedure' in all police farces that when you're in a hole, you call for a mechanical digger to get you deeper even faster...

Orwellian double speak at its finest. This is @Humberbeat’s official response. ‘We didn’t say you couldn’t... we just asked ‘why would you?’

Sorry, but this is gaslighting. I’m not daft. pic.twitter.com/BxznfjaEKO

— Harry The Owl - Limerick Criminal (@HarryTheOwl) March 27, 2019

Quite!

"There was never any suggestion he shouldn’t engage in politics or debate around the subject in question, he was just asked why he would want to, knowing it would cause distress and upset to others in society."

So, there you have it. The modern police farce fails at everything from petty crime to dangerous dogs, but when it comes to hurty feels, an Inspector calls!

And makes an even bigger arse of himself.

"The complainant was also advised if he felt his Human Rights had been breached, he may want to seek legal advice."

Translation: "We don't care if we get sued, the taxpayer's on the hook for it anyway..."

"How Dare You Try To Gather Evidence!"

...a lawyer believed to be representing the victim, has written to Essex Police listing a series of complaints about the investigation.

According to US website TMZ, the woman was upset that police asked to view her phone records and emails.

Standard practice. Despite what the Common Purpose top cops might think should happen..

The complainant, who suggests she may stop cooperating with police due to her disappointment at the handling of the case, also claims police came to her house 'unsolicited'.

Errr, yes. And?

Nelly’s lawyer, Scott Rosenblum, filed a response to the lawsuit, arguing that the woman should not be allowed to remain anonymous and “avoid public scrutiny”.

This could get quite interesting.

Not Good Enough For The Throne, Ma’am?

More than 1000 rolls of premium German toilet paper rejected by the Queen have been donated to a Croydon school.

Rejected by her personally? It must be like Izal!

German company Hakle sent 90 packs of bog roll to Buckingham Palace to ensure the monarch has access to one of life's necessities in case of a 'no deal' Brexit shortage.

Ah. I see.

After the palette was turned away by security due to safety fears (Ed: *boggle*), a staff member of the Dusseldorf based company suggested they should gift to Woodcote High School, based in Coulsdon, where her brother Peter Mack works as Deputy Head.

How cozy!

"Whilst it was done as a publicity stunt, there is a serious element to it.

"In case of a no-deal Brexit there is a real chance the UK could run out quickly, since we import far more than we produce."

If that's the worst that Brexit is likely to inflict, I think I'll survive...

I Can See Where They Get The Time To Do This...

A mother today threatened legal action against a south London primary school after she accused teachers of forcing her son to take part in an LGBT ‘Pride’ event.

Izoduwa Montague claimed Heavers Farm Primary School, South Norwood, failed to get her permission for four-year-old Izaiyah to become involved in a session called ‘Proud to be Me’ without her permission.

Now, if you're wondering how they have time for this, well, this picture from the 'Times' will give you a clue:

Future 'Daily Mail' copy editor!

School head Susan Papas said the focus on Pride and LGBT history was one of a number of themes studied by pupils each half term.

Other topics included black history, disability awareness and the environment.

But not spelling or writing in coherent English, which you might think was a bit more important...

This Is Really Tragic, How Can I Laugh?

*bites tongue really hard*

Today her devastated adoptive mother Michele, 52, warned other people of the dangers of extreme food challenges.

She said: 'I remember raising my eyebrows when Bethan started the game, thinking "how old are you?" and telling her to spit them out.

'She was like a little hamster with her cheeks bulging.

'She danced off to the toilet to get rid of them and it was only a while later we realised she had been gone a long time.'

*bites even harder*

Mrs Gaskin sobbed: 'She looked perfect and so beautiful. It was just like she was sleeping.

'So many people have said they play a similar game with marshmallows. Even my 90-year-old aunt said she does it with Maltesers.

'This just shows how fragile we are.'

*bites all the way through tongue*

Mmmpht mmgh *gurgle* nnth!

When Intelligent Autofill Goes Wrong...

Errr, yeah. Thanks, Shopping List app. I don't think I'll be buying one of those this weekend...

So, Dinosaurs Had Feathers...

...and birds have hair?

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

Sunday Funnies...

Nature, red in tooth and....ugh!

Sympathy For The Family Of The Devil Now..?

The family of a mum who was kicked to death on the street yelled out 'scum' as her murderer 'smiled' when he was taken down to the cells to face more than 18 years behind bars.

A domestic? Well, no.

Florin Ion was jailed for life after murdering 47-year-old Julie Hunt, a complete stranger to him, near Lakeside Shopping Centre in Thurrock while she was on her way to work at around 8.30am on Friday, April 20 last year.

The defendant, who was 31 when he carried out the brutal attack, knocked Julie to the floor when the two of them came face to face. He then proceeded to kick and stamp on her head in full view of several passers-by, fracturing her bones and causing severe brain injuries.

Strange name. Not very Essex, is it?

Ion, from Romania, had only been in the country for around four months when he savagely assaulted Julie.

He'd been on a bus to catch a ferry back to his homeland when it stopped at a Lakeside stop for a comfort break.

Already at that stop was the victim, on her way to work. She made the mistake of catching this creature's eye as he ran for a bus he thought was his.

The callous attack was witnessed by several people as they made their way to work on that Friday. Mr Stocks, who was driving the tanker, attempted to intervene, pulling a crowbar out of his truck to try and stop Ion.

But the court heard how Ion's aggression only intensified when bystanders approached him.

Nevertheless, they ran him off, and held him until police arrived. Sadly, far too late for the victim. You'll no doubt be wondering if he tried an insanity defence?

Mitigating on Ion's behalf, Paul Mendelle explained how Ion thought the victim was going to kill him.

/facepalm

Five independent experts examined Ion during the course of last year to determine whether any underlying mental health issues could explain the unprovoked attack.

All of them concluded that there was no explanation for the incident other than Ion's anger

All this delayed the trial. But it's only taxpayer money, after all.

The most shocking thing was the judge's summing up:

Judge Lynch passed a sentence of life, with a minimum tariff of at least 18 years and four months.

In her sentencing remarks, she said: "I also take into account the family of the defendant - their pain too I appreciate is great.

"I hope this can be conveyed to them afterwards - it is a tragedy for many people."

How heartwarming.

H/T: Ted Treen via email

Taking Us For Mugs, With The Full Consent Of The State...

A couple with three children are desperate to move out of their “overcrowded” one bedroom flat.

Well, why did they move into it then?

The couple have lived in Poynings Drive in Hangleton since 2005, but their problems started when their first child, three-year-old Maryam, was born.

And it has got worse since their second and third daughters were born. The youngest, Hibba, is now ten months old.

So you knew you had no room, but kept having children? How is that the council's fault..?

How is that somehow the responsibility of the taxpayer..? Who is, after all, keeping you:

The family receives £176.05 per week from income support and £48.10 from child benefit per week. Mr Ishaq said rent is £76 per week which he gets in full from housing benefit so the income support and child benefit does not go towards rent, but he said he does have to pay council tax.

Currently the couple are unemployed, after Mr Ishaq suffered from a back injury in 2004 and Widad stays at home to look after the children.

Ah, the 'back injury'. Well, I suppose it's time to return to the classics. Clearly, 'mental health issues' have had their moment of fame.

Generation Snowflake...

A poll of almost 38,000 UK students suggests rates of psychological distress and illness are on the rise in universities, with “alarmingly high” levels of anxiety, loneliness, substance misuse and thoughts of self-harm.

Oh no! This is serious!

*reads further*

The findings were based on responses from a self-selecting sample of students who took part in an online survey.

*shrugs*

*turns the page*

Play Silly Games, Win Silly Prizes...

Luke Blackhurst, who was living in Sillwood Street, Brighton, had not been seen for a couple of days after he had been out with friends.

The opening of an inquest in to his death heard it was not unusual for the young man to take different drugs, including ketamine and morphine.

He was found dead in his home after a night out.

Another Darwin Award winner shuffles off this mortal coil...

The inquest heard Mr Blackhurst’s last activity on his laptop was searching the internet for the side-effects of eating out-of-date noodles.

His mother said she suspected the off noodles may have killed him.

Clearly, he got his street smarts from his mum!

Miss Blackhurst said her son had money stolen from his flat a week before his death and was concerned of a third party involvement.

A one-armed man, perhaps?

Ms Hamilton-Deeley said further enquiries will be carried out to address some of Miss Blackhurst’s concerns and Mr Pinder’s suspicions.

Sure, why not? It's only taxpayer money, after all.

Maybe It's Because He's A ....Wait, A 'Londoner'?

A Londoner accused of leaving crack cocaine and cannabis in a Pinehurst shop claimed the drugs were not his...

Oh, sure, that old chestnut.

...as he had robbed them from a dealer.

Oh. Well, that's different!

The 38-year-old Brit from Richmond-upon-Thames, who joked he was from Jamaica when asked his nationality by a court clerk, told JPs as he was marched from the dock: “12 weeks? That’s nothing. That’s a swim in the ocean.”

Perhaps that's what he should have been sentenced to...?

Randall declined the services of a duty solicitor, instead opting to represent himself.

And he did indeed have a fool for a client!

By admitting to the drugs and assault offences, Randall automatically activated an eight week suspended sentence given last November for a stalking offence.

He sounds quite a bit like this chap. 

H/T: wiggia via email

There's Only One Way To Find Out....

Later this year, the blue badge scheme is expected to be updated to allow people with less physical disabilities to apply.

This will include people with ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar, autism, epilepsy and agoraphobia.

Don't ask me how people with agoraphobia get out to the car to drive about, because I just can't even...!

However the fear is the new rules could lead to disputes over rights for the limited spaces available.

Well, it seems there's a way to resolve this. To your corners, combatants!

"Won't Somebody Think Of The Children!" Part 78056

Ms Bardsley-Smith said: "I was amused at first but then I realised I found it annoying.

"It's not something you want to see at eye level when you are out shopping.

"There is a place and a time to be selling or buying things like that."

Ooh!

Ms Bardsley-Smith said: "There are a lot of families in the area. I wouldn't want my child to ask what it is.

"Thankfully I was on my own when I was out shopping. I would say it's insensitive.

"If they are going to sell things like that, they should be at the back of the store."

Knives? High in salt & sugar sweets?

Dozens of 'Bonkin' Bunny' vibrators were reportedly stacked between slinkies, Finding Nemo bath towels and sweetie-themed candles at the store in Tolworth, south London.

Oooh, matron!

This Is A Refreshing Change...

Schoolchildren from Bromfords School and Sixth Form College in Wickford were spotted throwing litter over a bridge while bullying a child who was self harming in the River Crouch. When members of the public tried to intervene they were then threatened by the students.

Charming!

In a message from Bromfords, seen by the Echo, a spokesman from the school apologised for the behaviour of the students and confirmed the injured pupil’s school and police had been informed.

Wow! That's certainly different from the usual 'not in school, so not our concern' attitude.

The incident took place on February 7 but Essex Police could not provide any details about what has happened since the incident.

*rolls eyes*

A statement from Deputy headteacher John Edwards, given to the eyewitness, stated: “I am sorry if the behaviour of a small number of our students has fallen short.

“It is very disappointing for me to hear that any of our students are behaving in such a manner, bringing our school into disrepute.

“The action of these few individuals is not indicative of the behaviour of the overwhelming majority of our outstanding students.

“I sincerely apologise you were witness to such behaviour and can assure you that we will be addressing within out assemblies.”

Gold star for that man!

Just Let The Farmers Shoot Them!

Police say they would been (sic) keen to develop a DNA dog database to tackle the growing problem of "sheep worrying" which is leaving thousands of farm animals in the UK dead or injured every year.

Sounds familiar!

NFU Mutual says sheep and other farm animals worth an estimated £1.2m were attacked by dogs last year.

But it's feared that number may be much larger, with a recent survey finding only 39% of farmers reported all attack incidents to police.

Because they have finally discovered what small shopkeepers and burglary victims have already sussed - they don't do anything.

Unless they can build a hugely expensive and utterly pointless database, of course.

...the NPCC says budget constraints mean it is not currently possible to build such a database.

Note the 'currently' in there.

"Run, he's got a stick with a nail in it!"

Yikes! Modified how? Does it fire poison darts?

Officers searching Southend as part of Op Sceptre have today found a knife that has been modified to allow for a better grip.

The knife, which had tape around its handle, has been seized and will be destroyed.

Oh....

The Modern 'Conservative', Ladies And Gentlemen...

...give him a big hand!

With MPs like this, how could Teresa lose a General Election..?

"Nice Progressive Society You Got Here...Be A Shame If Anything Happened To It."

A Birmingham primary school that taught pupils about LGBT rights as part of a programme to challenge homophobia has suspended the lessons indefinitely until a resolution is reached with protesting parents.

Wait, didn't they say they'd stand firm?

Previously Parkfield said they would continue as normal after the Easter holidays.

What changed?

Mohammed Aslam, a spokesperson, said: “We welcome these developments and reiterate that the school needs to work with parents in a spirit of partnership and cooperation and not against them in educating their children.”

Isn't it precisely this sort of craven capitulation in the face of religious dogmatism and refusal to integrate that drives the so-called 'right wing backlash' against Islam?

So why do they do it?

To Tow, Or Not To Tow, That Is The Question...

Well, it is at the 'Daily Mail', anyway, where the fine distinctions between a tow truck and a car transporter lorry are somewhat lost...

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

Essex Grammar Gets Everywhere...

Innit!

Sunday Funnies...

C'mon, who among us hasn't pressed the wrong button occasionally?

Israel. It's Always Israel...

Muslim students have berated Chelsea Clinton at a vigil for the victims of the New Zealand mosques massacre, saying she is to blame for the attack.

*blinks*

Wait, what...?

Has Chelsea Clinton been a part of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy© all along...? Has she been hanging out on 4chan?

Leen Dweik began castigating her in an astonishing moment caught on video. 'This right here is the result of a massacre stoked by people like you and the words that you put out into the world,' says Dweik, gesturing to the vigil for the 49 who were killed in Christchurch when a white nationalist shooter stormed two mosques.

'And I want you to know that and I want you to feel that deeply - 49 people died because of the rhetoric you put out there,' Dweik continues, jabbing her index finger toward Clinton as other students snap their fingers in apparent approval of her words.

And now I'm feeling like I must have missed some vital part of US political news that I really should not have missed.

And then I read on...

According to NYU student Rose Asaf, who posted the video on Twitter, students at the vigil were angry about Clinton's accusation last month that Rep Ilhan Omar, a Minnesota Democrat, used 'anti-Semitic language and tropes' while criticizing Israel.

And these students are the supposed products of progressive US politics. Just as Chelsea Clinton is. There should be no difference between them.

But there appears to be one. And if modern progressive educational opportunities can't fix it, can anything?

Never Missing An Opportunity...

...to strip citizens of their legally-held possessions:

Ms Ardern said she would like to see semi-automatic weapons banned and was one of the issues she was looking 'at with immediate effect.'

...to clamp down on free speech:

...to ban the things they personally dislike by claiming a spurious connection:

Never ever forget, these people see a horrific crime as a golden opportunity. 

And perhaps, just perhaps, we should regard them as worse than the criminal who kicked all this off..?

What 'Getting Tough On Knife Crime' Really Means...

The attack took place on August 1 outside the boy’s home in Rochford and it is understood the defendant and the victim had been friends until a disagreement.

The grandfather said: “The attacker took exception to something and began baiting my grandson on Snapchat saying he was going to get him.”

The victim was stabbed in the stomach and the back and was rushed to hospital with serious injuries and thankfully made a full recovery, but has been left traumatised.

Another knife crime, another young thug looking at a long stretch ins...

Wait!

...the 16-year-old who stabbed him was able to walk free from court after admitting one count of causing grievous bodily harm with intent - which for an adult can mean a life sentence - and one count of possession of a knife.

The criminal must attend a youth offender panel designed to minimise the risk of reoffending by liaising with agency workers for a year.

/facepalm

And How Are The Public Supposed To Know..?

Speaking after the case RSPCA inspector Prisca Giddens said: “The sentence imposed by magistrates highlights the seriousness of the offence.

"Courts impose disqualification orders on people convicted on animal welfare offences to protect further animals from suffering.

“It is important to reiterate to the public that we rely on them to tell us if someone has breached a ban.

"We depend on the public to be our eyes and ears and we take breaches of bans very seriously - as do the courts.”

So you'll be campaigning for a central register of animal abusers with bans to be set up, then?

No?

Well how on earth do you expect the public to know?

Wait A Minute, I Thought You Wanted This?

This use of intrusive technology makes a mockery of our right to privacy – and feeling monitored can cause us to change what we do, where we go and who we go with.

And some of these surveillance tools discriminate against people and cause the police to unjustifiably target certain groups and communities.

Are we talking about CCTV? Algorithm-led targeting?

Police body worn video cameras can record in private spaces and could be used alongside technologies like facial recognition to identify and track people in real time.

But...but I thought you wanted these to ensure the police didn't 'step out of line'?

What happened? Did you realise they would also show how your 'clients' behave towards the police...?

H/T: SpecialDibble via Twitter

Only In Brighton...

A vegan pirate will be teaching scallywags to cook and eat their greens.

*blinks*

Captain James Tea Cook, whose real name is Tony Bishop Weston, is to host healthy cooking workshops at VegfestUK Brighton later this month.

The award-winning vegan chef will be teaching children under 16 about essential nutrition and vitamins. Mr Weston said: “I dress as a pirate and as the Mad Hatter because children are more responsive if I host workshops as different characters.”

These kids must be a hell of a lot 'under 16' then! Like, five...

“I will be teaching children about the five fundamental rules for health.

“These include eating food with essential fats, five portions of vegetables, drinking water and staying active.

“I will also educate them about which foods to eat. For example, white flour is not healthy because when processed it loses 20 types of vitamins and minerals so we should try to eat food made from brown flour instead.

“Children can learn which ingredients they can use to cook healthy meals. For example, they can include chia or flax seeds in their food.”

Sure. They can. But who wants to?

Clearly, It Was Not 'Your Approach'...

A Surrey County Council spokesman said: 'We are defending this claim, however we acknowledge this has been a very difficult time for Mr and Mrs Jones and their family.

'We place a high value on openness with all our foster carers, share information about any risks with them from the outset and continue to keep them informed. This was our approach with Mr and Mrs Jones.'

Pity you didn't tell them about the fact you'd asked them to foster someone who'd pledged allegiance to a terrorist organisation.

Slipped your mind, did it?

Somehow, I Saw The Word 'Concert'...

One man has been left in a life threatening condition following a stabbing during a concert in London.

...and knew immediately it wasn't rock or easy listening.

How Have We Allowed This To Permeate Society?

... the panel said her award should be slightly lessened for not anticipating that 'the culture of protest and activism in which isolated terms can be seized on and misrepresented by a minority as condoning or encouraging the behaviour it describes, all magnified in influence by social media.'

Translation: "It's partly your fault that you didn't anticipate we'd act like headless chickens in the face of a social media shitstorm by the usual suspects..."

But isn't it about time people didn't..? And then could be free of reacting to every little whinge and complaint?

Risk Assessment – Yr CLEARLY Doin’ It Wrong!

A woman who had a history of alcohol-fuelled violence towards her family “posed no risk” to her mother whom she later killed, a report found.

Whoops!

...a domestic homicide review has found that while opportunities were missed to assess the risk Barnard posed to her mother, the issues had “no direct impact on the eventual homicide”.

It had a pretty direct impact on the murdered woman! The incompetent hand of Essex's finest is of course all over this one...

...she had a history of alcohol-fuelled violence towards her husband and adult son. Essex Police attended their home on four separate occasions between 2011 and 2017 and the report found that there were gaps in record which “affected the risk-grading of the incidents in questions”.

One incident involved her threatening her husband with a knife which the panel found “should have been initially graded as high risk”.

Well, yes. But incredibly....

The anonymised report concluded: “From the information reviewed, there is no evidence that [Barnard] posed any risk or threat to [Mrs Sims] and that the incident occurred without warning.”

Their 'thinking' here seems to be 'Well, she never threatened the mother, just everyone else'...

At Last, A Use For That Dyson!

The Toff-tastic West London borough of Kensington and Chelsea has recommended that Hugo and Caggie stop paying to park their Bentleys with cash – because hoover-hauling hoodlums are sucking coins out of the meters.

*blinks*

...the gangs cut a suitably nozzle-sized hole in the side of the pay machine then suck out the shrapnel.

Sometimes, you just have to admire the ingenuity...

"It is a trend we need to stop and motorists going cashless is one way we can help tackle this.." Cllr Will Pascall said.

Hmmm. As the person who sent this puts it:

A couple of thing of note. 

1) with all the surveillance cameras the police appear to be unable to catch anyone with a vacuum cleaner at work. 
2) from the council, it appears that they are trying to make paying parking fees a cashless endeavor which allows them much more data collection.

Quite!

H/T: Ivan via email

Keeping That Appointment In Samarra...

After laying flowers at the scene, family friend Amina Osman said: 'He had ambitions, he was looking forward to being a barrister. He was looking forward to being a grown-up man.

'He was good with his words, he was very kind and handsome.'

But she said the fatal attack was 'the fourth attempt on his life', having previously been found unconscious in a park, run over and stabbed on another occasion.

Blimey! Had he been having an affair with the Tsarina?

An aunt, who did not want to be named, said the teenager was studying at Hammersmith College and, 'as far as we know', was not involved in gangs.

Gangs, however, seem to have been involved in him....

And That's How The Police Will Know He's A Madman....

...maybe not when he starts out, but certainly at that point!

Sypnx?

Is that near the Phiramyds?

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

Sunday Funnies...

Because there's never anything new under the sun....

How Dare You Talk To The Pariahs!

Earlier today, THQ Nordic announced an AMA on its Twitter account. That wouldn't have been a big deal, but unlike most 'ask me anything' sessions, which take place on Reddit, this one was hosted on anonymous imageboard 8chan.

People not into games are probably looking baffled at this point!

Let the SJWs disguised as games journalists tell you why this is a very, very bad thing indeed:

If you're unfamiliar with 8chan, Google once delisted it and warned users of "suspected child abuse content." It has included boards dedicated to pedophilia and fascism, and is known generally for racism, misogyny, and coordinated harassment.

Oh noes!

In an apology statement sent to PC Gamer and posted after the session, THQ Nordic PR and marketing director Philipp Brock said he didn't "understand the history and the controversy" of the site before agreeing to and participating in the AMA.

That's hard to completely believe. The official THQ Nordic Twitter account promised that someone would "take care of the nasty stuff" in the AMA thread, and it's unclear what "nasty stuff" THQ Nordic could've been referring to if not the stuff the site is best known for.

So what terrible, awful things did this exercise throw up?

...in response to being asked not to "censor any games nor appeal to the SocJus crowd" because the company is "doing fine as is," Brock said that THQ Nordic will "try to stay that way."

Hmmm....

While it's possible to impersonate others on 8chan—which also makes it a bad place for an AMA—these posts are specially tagged to indicate that they come from Brock. The official THQ Nordic account also 'liked' a tweet defending the AMA and calling those who had a problem with it "sensitive simons."

Seems you rather proved the point they're trying to make, eh? You grabbed that tar baby with both hands, didn't you?

More popcorn, anyone?

I Don't Think Anyone Else Can Comprehend It Either...

Dalton-Byrne had asked Mr Ward for a fag and when he said he didn’t have one, the teen started to stab him in the arms and legs.

The victim fell to the floor and the teenager continued the attack before he was dragged away by his pal.

Mr Ward's friend stopped a passing cyclist who called an ambulance but he died a week later from “catastrophic” blood loss.

Just a couple of hours later Dalton-Byrne went to a friend’s house still covered in Mr Ward’s blood. He boasted: “I have just done an M bro” and gave details of stabbing Mr Ward in the leg and shoulder.

The shocked friend recorded him making the confession on his phone which he posted on social media.

Thus making him pretty easy to catch...

Dalton-Byrne had protested his innocence...

Heh! Yeah, good luck with that, kid!

Following the verdict there were clashes between the families of the victim and the defendant and Timothy Raggatt QC, defending, said it might help for time to pass “for temperatures to cool.”

Sure, passage of time being a great healer, and all that. Say, what was your defence, anyway?

Mr Raggatt said: “He is someone with difficulties and has a damaged personality in many ways.

"To be quite blunt whether he comprehends the enormity of what he has done is not exactly clear.”

He seemed to be well aware of what he did. It's other people that are having issues comprehending it.

Adding: "He is one of society's casualties in that sense."

No, I think you'll find the casualty here is Mr Ward. But it's actually society to blame, at least partly. There will have been many, many warning signs and indicators along the way that this feral product of a feral clan would turn out wrong.

But as usual, nothing was done.

H/T: StateControl via Twitter

"You don't need a weather man, to know which way the wind blows..."

...from his position on the other side of the set, the ITV presenter suddenly launched into the debate off-mic.

The former Dancing On Ice contestant interrupted Mr Apter, saying: "Prison doesn’t work though, I’m sorry."

Which will come as a surprise to those who think that if the little thugs are in jail, they can't go stabbing people on the streets...

"I’ve grown up in some of these communities you are talking about and prison is not a deterrent.

"Some of these boys don’t fear prison, if we don’t change the environment we won’t change anything. This has been happening for years, years, and it’s not always in the media."

Who is this 'we'? Is it weather men? Is it Dancing on Ice contestants?

I know one thing. It doesn't seem to be 'parents'.

Alex, who runs a Diversity School Tour Project where he visits inner-city schools to talk about working in the media, added: "All of you guys have benefited from the environment you’ve grown up in, this work environment, I’ve benefited from it too.

"But if you don’t show these boys a different environment you won’t change anything."

Why don't these people ever appeal to the ones who have daily contact with 'these boys' from the moment they are born* to change the environment?

* No, not 'fathers'. Let's not be silly!

Don't Look At What They Say...

...look at what they do. This applies to the furore over knife crime as much as anything else.

A privately educated 17-year-old accused of murdering teenager Yousef Makki in a knife attack in Hale Barns has been granted bail by a judge.

Yes. You read that right. Bail.

Unusually, the bail application made by barrister Kate Blackwell QC was held in chambers, that is press and public were excluded from the 90-minute hearing.

Surely the State will object?

Judge David Stockdale QC initially made no mention of whether he had bailed the boy but said: 'Following the decision taken earlier this morning, I understand prosecution do not appeal the decision.

'The trial is fixed for June 18 and listed for a five to seven day estimate. The stages are set. The PTPH will be before the trial judge or before me on 29 April. I make no further direction.'

Oh.

Afterwards when asked by the press for clarification, the judge then came back into court and said: 'The factual basis for the defendant being bailed is not for public knowledge.

'The terms of conditions under which I cannot avail due to the course of hearing in chambers, and I don't suppose to say anything for reasoning. The bail applications was heard in chambers and I have granted bail.

'The conditions which I have granted bail are not a matter of public knowledge nor are the reasons why. I have nothing more to say about that.'

What's all that huff about 'justice being seen to be done'..? Yeah. Thought so.

Perhaps He's A Magician...?

Ryan Tudor, 27, of Kilworth Avenue, Southend, was due in court to answer charges following a stabbing and a robbery in Southend.

He had been transported from HMP Chelmsford by prison staff on Monday morning ahead of his court appearance.

But the hearing had to be postponed after the court was informed Tudor had suffered superficial cuts to his wrist and face which were self-inflicted.

If they were superficial, why postpone? That's no doubt what he wanted!

After receiving treatment from court staff, Tudor appeared in the dock with bandages on his wrists which were visibly bloody.

Addressing the court, Judge Leigh (Ed: Yup, her!) said: “Can I ask how this happened? I want a report into how this happened. There is a responsibility to search.”

*rolls eyes*

Judge Leigh told the court she was unhappy to take a plea from Tudor in light of the incident and postponed the hearing until March 21.

Anything to avoid doing your job, eh, Samantha?

A spokesman for the prison service told the Echo Tudor was searched but that the prison service would work with the courts to provide an explanation to Judge Leigh about how the blade was smuggled in.

The spokesman said: “Usual protocol was followed and the prisoner was fully searched before leaving the prison. We are reviewing the incident and will take appropriate action.”

It is understood a full search involves being strip-searched and inspected with a metal detector prior to leaving the prison.

Maybe it was missed. Or maybe someone should be looking at the court staff as well?

Peacekeeping - Yr Doin' It Wrong!

Brodie Strudwick said he was ‘acting as peacemaker’ between two of his friends when the incident occurred, but rather than helping things remain calm, the 19-year-old kicked his friend in the face, leaving him with a fractured jaw.

Oooh, I'm pretty sure that's not how it's done! How did this all come about, anyway?

Prosecuting, Tracey Yates said that Strudwick had invited Mr Anforth’s girlfriend, Amelia, over to his house so the pair could wait for him (Mr Anforth) to arrive after work.

The friends had planned a gathering and more people arrived at the home.

When Mr Anforth arrived at Strudwick’s house, emotions were said to be running high and everybody was asked to leave.

Sounds like an episode of a particularly downmarket soap, doesn't it? One that makes 'Eastenders' look like Ibsen...

A short while later Strudwick saw the couple on a bench together outside his house.

Mrs Yates said: “Matthew and Amelia were becoming emotional, talking about their relationship.

“Mr Strudwick and and a fourth friend went outside, and approached the pair. Some kind of remark was made by Mr Strudwick about how Mr Anforth had told him he could sleep with his girlfriend Amelia.”

*blinks*

A scuffle ensued and Strudwick kicked Mr Anforth in the face, breaking his jaw.

Lovely people, I'm sure...

Must....Not....Comment!

Waste collection workers held a procession of lorries and vehicles in honour of a colleague who passed away.

The parade of vehicles was lined up outside Pitsea Crematorium this morning.

Did the deceased actually get buried, or left at the kerb because the coffin wasn't put out early enough?

Don't Rush, Chaps, Eh?

A spokeswoman for South Wales Police said: "Police received a report that a woman had been bitten by a dog at Highmead Park, Swansea, on Sunday morning (February 10).

"The victim required hospital treatment following the incident, and arrangements are being made for officers to visit her to obtain further details."

This was in the paper on Valentine's Day. Four days later.

"I was walking along the pavement and I could see a man throwing a ball playing with his dog which was a pit bull/staff cross which was off the lead.

"I approached a bin to put a poo bag inside when the dog ran towards us and pounced on Jess's back.

"I instantly let her lead go hoping she would run but sadly it was too late as the dog had locked his teeth onto the side of her neck. I've never heard a noise like it before. I was screaming for help," she said. The owner of the dog then walked towards the pair of them.

She added: "He walked over and pulled something out of his pocket, he then attempted to pull his dog off Jess.

"It seemed like an eternity before the owner managed to unlock the dog's jaws with a tool he got out of his pocket which highly resembled a “break stick”.

It's a fighting dog. And the scum is aware it's dangerous. You'd think that might prompt the police to quicken their actions somewhat, wouldn't you?

Even if only so they don't find themselves in a dicey situation one day.

"At that point I was kneeling on the grass holding Jess still to try and minimise the damage already done.

"As the dog released her I got up and realised it had her lead in its mouth dragging it, this was the point that it then bit me as I pulled it over her head. She said she thought her dog was going to be killed.

"I fell to the floor in shock, so I also have cuts and bruises on my knees to add to my injuries. I quickly got back up and ran home with Jess."

While the worthless cowardly scum beat a hasty retreat, of course.

They Don't Like It Up 'Em!

...predictably, some saw it as an opportunity to immediately flout the request and post disrespectful comments.

Oh noes! People have opinions!

Meanwhile, via Longrider:

For example, movie review website Rotten Tomatoes announced that it was switching off comments on the new Captain Marvel movie this week, over concerns that trolls planned to leave negative comments following remarks by the film’s star Brie Larson.

However, Dissenter users are already giving their opinions on the movie and Rotten Tomatoes decision.

Heh!

Why the outrage? If Brie Larson has opinions, and a platform to express them, why shouldn't everyone else?

But The Likes Of The Guardian Will Tell Us It's All About 'Poverty'...

Even average properties here change hands for £800,000, while mansions on the outskirts of the village can go for £5 million.

The local supermarket is a branch of Booths, the so-called ‘Waitrose of the North’.

Drive through the village and you’ll see gated driveways filled with spotless super-cars.

...

Both suspects, who cannot be identified for legal reasons, hail from prosperous middle-class families, with parents who are highly successful businessmen.

Won't they?

Is there maybe some other clue to this sort of savagery, perhaps in the victim's ...

Always smartly dressed and impeccably polite, Yousef’s only obvious brush with teenage rebellion came via a passing interest in rap and grime music. In 2013, he posted an image on his Facebook page of himself pointing a handgun at the camera. The cartoonish image shows his face superimposed on a hooded figure from a professional stock picture.

Ah.

A Blast From The Past…

A man who died after being stabbed in Southend has been described as "cheeky, ambitious, and extremely creative".

Immediately, alarm bells are ringing...

Courtney Valentine-Brown...

Hmmm. That name seems strangely familiar, somehow.

...who was 36 and from Southend, was found injured at an address in Roots Hall Drive shortly before midnight on Thursday.

*ponders*

In a tribute, his family said: “We are heartbroken over the murder of our dear son, brother, uncle and cousin who was tragically taken away from us prematurely.

“He was ambitious, cheeky and extremely creative with his whole future ahead of him despite his life challenges.”

Ah! *snaps fingers* It's just come back to me.

And since when did you need to 'be creative' to have 'a whole future ahead of you' as a drug dealer?

And The Connection Is…?

A fan of American rapper Eazy-E has been successful in a campaign to get his town to immortalise his hip-hop hero.

Last week, Newhaven resident Guy Stevens demanded his town council erect a statue to the star of Gangsta rap group NWA.

Hmmm. Might be a little difficult when you can't spell out the full name of this ensemble without causing a public order offence...

Newhaven Town Council had previously admitted it had “no idea” who Eazy-E is.

Lucky them!

But has now said it will allow the super fan to build a bench in his honour.

Probably in a 'Oh, just let him, so he'll go away!' mood...

A jubilant Mr Stevens said: “It’s a great day not just for myself but for the future of Newhaven. I might push for someone to fly over from America for the ceremony.”

Anyone in particular? But wait, what's the connection with Newhaven? Did he come from here?

The rapper from Compton, California, achieved success in the early Nineties with songs such as F*** Tha Police, Express Yourself and Real Mutha******** Gs.His life was also portrayed in 2015 film Straight Outta Compton.

He died of Aids in 1995.

Hmm. Seems not. Seem's there's no connection.

Mr Stevens created an online poll which found 36 people would be in favour of an Eazy-E monument.

*laughs* I've seen bigger online polls for people's favourite brand of crisp!

'Mail' Readers - So Dim, You Have To Tell Them Twice...

Reminds me of an old training mantra - 'Tell 'em what you're gonna tell 'em, then tell 'em, then tell 'em what you just told 'em!'

The 'Mail' Finds A Potential New Employee...

He was just a child, but he got closer with his zoological assessment than the current copywriter!

Sunday Funnies...

Well, everyone makes mistakes!

When Liberal Attitudes Kill...

The message here is 'They couldn't have known!'.

...Louella's parents — the actor John Michie, who plays neurosurgeon Guy Self in BBC hospital drama Holby City, and his partner, former Hot Gossip dancer Carol Fletcher — weren't unduly concerned.

Their bubbly, but sensible, yoga-instructor daughter might have experimented on occasion, but she had what they described as a 'cautious' and 'measured' attitude towards illegal substances.

Besides, Louella was with her boyfriend, aspiring musician Ceon Broughton, whom John and Carol had welcomed into their family over the course of his 15-month on-off relationship with Louella.

Broughton had spent Christmas at the Michies' £1.2 million home in North London, worked with Louella's brother Sam and had been a guest at John's 60th birthday dinner. There was no reason to believe he didn't have their daughter's best interests at heart.

Really?

...John and Carol were quick to defend him, despite their grief and rumours that Broughton — who had a previous conviction for supplying drugs — may be implicated in her death.

He had received a suspended sentence for two counts of carrying knives just a month earlier.

Yes, clearly they had no reason to suspect a drug-dealing rapper who carried knives...

Are You Kidding Me..?

Deborah Coles, the director of Inquest, which supports the families of people who die in custody, said the system had again failed to hold police to account.

This is the case of Sean Rigg, the floridly mentally ill strapping young man acting aggressively in a public street, who died while being restrained in 2008.

That's right. 11 years ago. And there's been no less than four attempts in that time to try to blame the police for his death. All of which have now failed.

Because they weren't to blame. They did the best they could, in challenging circumstances, to keep people safe.

An initial hearing by the IPCC exonerated officers of responsibility for Rigg’s death, but in 2012 an inquest jury found Rigg had died of cardiac arrest after “unnecessary” and “unsuitable” restraint while lying face down.

I'd love to hear what that jury would have done faced with someone refusing to listen to reason...

This prompted the police watchdog to review its earlier investigation. It was another four years before prosecutors confirmed that no criminal charges would be brought over his death, bar one count of perjury against White, who was later cleared.

The IPCC was abolished in January 2018 and replaced by the Independent Office for Police Conduct, which directed the Met to bring disciplinary action against the officers.

And they've been cleared again. What a waste of time, money and police resources.

The investigations have taken so long that Birks is now an ordained priest, although he is still paid a police salary because he was denied permission to resign while proceedings were ongoing.

Still, looks like the sister is getting a book out of it, and more publicity to spit her dummy on all the TV stations & radio shows she attends. 

Is Zimbabwe Stuck In A Time Warp?

On Monday, the Echo reported dozens of Zimbabwean asylum seekers had been summoned to Southend police station to be interviewed.

Campaigner Stanford Biti, who moved to Southend from Zimbabwe in 2006, said at the interviews, asylum seekers were made to fill out applications for Zimbabwe passports and photographed.

Since 2006? And he's never gone back?

“On average, most people have been here for more than 15 years. One man, who is 75-years-old and is well known in the community, has been here for 25 years.

“They have all fled in fear for their lives because of the political situation in Zimbabwe.”

It's not changed? At all?

And I Thought The Justice System Dragged Its Heels!

Denise Neaves of Southend, is set to be struck off by The Nursing and Midwifery Council for 19 errors.

She was suspended by the Nurse and Midwifery Council (NMC) in 2016 after she admitted the list of errors.

She has been suspended since and is due to be struck off within months unless she appeals.

The failings all took place between January 2012 and April 2014.

Good grief! Don't rush, or anything...