Tweet Of The Month

Once again, spring provides a bumper crop!

 

Post Title Of The Month

LegIron on the angst caused by British Summertime:

Quote Of The Month

DumbJon on the UK reaction to the Ukraine situation:

"The usual suspects have spent the last two years insisting that only Very Special Certified Facts are allowed. Now suddenly the same folks are telling us that Boris Johnson is totally a Russian agent.

Apparently, he's a Russian agent who was the first Western leader to send arms to Ukraine and took one of the most hawkish lines on sanctions so it looks like he's as good at being a Russian agent as Sir Kneelalot was at being Director of Public Prosecutions."

Post Of The Month

Longrider reviews a popular TV show while Bill Sticker takes a good hard look at the state of today's media.

Why Do The Police Not Know The Law?

Or is it simply that they are too lazy to feel like enforcing it?

Debbie said she reported the incident to Northumbria Police, but was told that that there is "nothing they can do." Under current legislation, a dog on dog attack is not a legal offence.

And they are wrong: 

But according to the RSPCA, a court could prosecute if a person believes they would have been injured if they tried to stop a dog attacking their animal. Debbie continued: "They said they would only get involved if a dog attacked a person, unless it can be proved to be a dangerous dog.

"It clearly is dangerous, and I told them I hope it's not a child next time. I intend to get back in touch with them and push for more action."

Why should you have to?  

Is There Anything They Are Doing Right..?

The HM Inspectorate of Constabulary, Fire and Rescue Services said that there were “fundamental flaws” in Scotland Yard’s anti-corruption safeguards and that it had also recently hired people with criminal connections and failed to supervise them to minimise risks.

Say what..?!? 

It said other failings included “dire” procedures for storing exhibits from investigations with “hundreds of items... not accounted for, including cash and drugs” and the security code for one store inscribed on the door.

/facepalm

But wait, there's more! 

The offences committed by officers hired in the past two years included wounding, theft and handling stolen goods. The watchdog said the force also did not know whether all the officers employed in sensitive posts, such as child protection, major crime investigation and informant handling, had passed the necessary security vetting.

It's beginning to look less like hopeless incompetence and more like...well, deliberate sabotage, isn't it? 

It added that more than 2,000 warrant cards issued to officers who had subsequently left the force remained unaccounted for...

Blimey, and they have enough trouble with the ones standing officers possess! 

The report was commissioned last year by Home Secretary Priti Patel.

Oh, and we were just talking about hopeless incompetents, weren't we? Get on and appoint a new Commissioner, Priti, and give him/her/other a month to sort this out. No longer. 

Student Priorities...

XOXO was recently rated the best spot in Brighton for bottomless brunch by The Bottomless Brunch Student Report. The report scored venues in the city out of 110, based on factors including value for money, the food menu size, vegan options and the proximity to a university campus.

XOXO scored a total of 62.96 out of 110, with high scores for their availability, proximity to a university campus, food menu size and vegan options.

It's amazing what students consider a priority, isn't it? How does this place score on the things those of us who have grown up and have some worldly knowledge think is a pr...

Oh. 

A brunch and cocktail bar has been ordered to carry out major improvements after scoring zero in a food hygiene inspection.

XOXO in Prince Albert Street, Brighton, was given the rating - meaning urgent improvements are necessary - following a Brighton and Hove City Council inspection on February 16.

A report published online stated that improvements were necessary in the cleanliness and condition of the facilities and building, including having appropriate layout, ventilation, hand washing facilities and pest control. It said urgent improvements were needed to the management of food safety, relating to the system or checks in place to ensure that food sold or served is safe to eat and evidence that staff know about food safety.

Well, I guess food poisoning is pretty indistinguishable from overdoing it on cider and black the night before... 

Translation: "Gibs Us De Moneh!"

Lisa Hanna, Jamaican MP and UN Development Programme goodwill ambassador, showing us some....well, maybe not goodwill:

What we now need is for the west, especially the United Kingdom, to seriously engage with us on this matter. And, it’s not just lip service that we require. Flowery words and artful symbols not only do not placate us, but words without action will also offend us. We need leaders in civil society, in politics and in the monarchy to not only acknowledge historic exploitation and the consequences thereof but to begin to make concrete steps to rectify it.

Oh, and how? 'Dr Who' isn't real, sweetie, we can't go back in time... 

The evils of slavery cannot be forgotten.

Well, no, not while grifters like you keep getting appointed to these positions... 

Wait 'til we send the bill for the Royal Navy's actions in halting slavery...

When we in Jamaica say respect, we mean it. We respect you. We respect Prince William and Catherine. We respect the British people. We respect your leaders.

Really?  

When you visit Jamaica, we are polite to you. We are cordial to you. We give you the time of your life on holiday.

And you make 'the time of your life' a short time, sometines. 

Dog Attacks On Children....

...are like buses, they come along in groups, and regularly:

The dogs involved have been 'secured' by police and removed from the house.

They should have been despatched then and there, and removed in bin bags. 

They are not believed to be breeds banned under the Dangerous Dogs Act 1991, according to police.

So as far as the police are concerned, they aren't 'dangerous' (the 'Sun' claims they are rottweilers). But a toddler's still in critical condition... 

West Mercia Chief Inspector Fergus Green, said 'This is an incredibly sad incident and our thoughts are with the young child and his family.'

My thoughts are with the paramedics who have to deal with the next family whose ill-bred mutts are eyeing up a tasty snack of human flesh right now... 

Rebuild It? Knock It Down First!

I would be utterly ecstatic if my GP showed a fraction of the customer service of Uber.

Speaking today at the launch of campaign Rebuild General Practice, Mr Hunt called for Britons to always be seen by the same family doctor.

They would mostly like to be seen by any doctor, Hunt. Not by one who is still avoiding patients:

Pre-pandemic, around eight in 10 appointments were carried out in-person. But the figure currently still stands at around 60 per cent, despite family doctors being told to get back to routine services.

If people who work for you refuse to carry out your orders, you sack them. Get some balls, Hunt. 

When You Have Idiots For Neighbours...

One neighbour, who did not wish to be named, said: "I was out at the time [of the incident], but she [the woman who was attacked] was out with the dog the other day. She was with it and she called it back and it was quite obedient, actually.

"It was like a terrier, quite stocky, and it seemed quite friendly with her."

I'm guessing we aren't talking 'Jack Russell' or 'Sealyham' here? 

Another neighbour added: "He was a lovely dog, really well behaved - so I don't understand it. Obviously it's bad what's happened but that's a beautiful dog now going to be destroyed.

"He really is a lovely dog, I just can't believe he has done it because he's such a nice dog."

*blinks* It's sent three people to the hospital! 

Nobody is believed to have been arrested and it has not yet been confirmed if the dog has been seized.

It should have been despatched at the scene. Along with the other brainless mutts who owned it.  

New Dog Breed Discovered In Corsham!

I know it's difficult to spell, 'Mail', but...

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

No, No, Not The Teeth..!

I think the word you were fumbling for was 'detention', 'Mail' editor...

Sunday Funnies...

Surprised not to see Nicholas Cage here...something's got to explain his career choices!

Sorry, But This Is One Thing You Can't Blame On Lockdown...

Reacting to the killing, one neighbour said: 'Before lockdown she was just an ordinary young girl - now she has killed someone in the most horrible of ways.

'Her family will be horrified. They always seemed so nice and normal.'

A year or even more of restrictions on your movement, even in Blackford's Wales, doesn't turn you into the sort of person who goes out one night, meets two strangers much older, gets drunk with them and then takes a full part in murdering another total stranger just for kicks.

The teenager gave a prepared statement to police to say she had only met the pair on the night and was 'traumatised' by their actions.

The clothes worn by Timms-Williams that night were never found, with the prosecution claiming she was 'forensically aware' and saying she intentionally got rid of them to avoid DNA evidence being found.

That's the action of a total psychopath, who's been planning such a thing for a while. And who, no matter her young age, should never see the outside world again. 

"Too many lovers in one lifetime ain't good for you..."

Her lawyer Peter Casson said in mitigation: “Prior to this incident, there was nothing this defendant had against the complainant. In fact they were friends or associates. But she has been in a number of domestic and abusive relationships over the last couple of years and this incident was orchestrated by her partner as he told her the complainant had been flirting with him.

"They had been out and she has approached her and words were exchanged. Prior to this incident there was nothing. The partner was with the defendant at the time and he said she had been flirting with him.

Mr Casson added: “She has had a very difficult childhood. She found herself meeting boyfriend after boyfriend and she always ends up the victim as a result of controlling and coercive behaviour.”

It's funny how something like this repeatedly happens to certain people over and over again, isn't it? 

Gregory admitted assault, was given eight weeks imprisonment suspended for 18 months and ordered to pay the mum-of-two £250 compensation.

I guess Peter could have saved his breath - wasn't this always likely? 

JP Walter Barrett told her: “We have seen the picture of the injuries as a result of this assault. It is a really serious assault and it warrants a prison sentence but we feel this can be suspended today.”

Why? Does she have a squeaky clean record apart from this incident? 

Gregory had previous convictions for malicious communications, breach of restraining order and harassment of another person.

Guess not. She simply doesn't learn. And she's not the only one...  

How Many More..?

Scotland:

A six-year-old girl was left needing medical treatment after being savaged by a pitbull in a shocking moment. 

The dog's owner did little to defend the girl from the vicious creature, instead opting to flee from the scene.

Belfast:

PSNI officers attended the scene of the attack on Saturday afternoon and assisted Áine's father who was holding the vicious dog against a railing.

As he wrestled with the dog, he sustained serious injuries to both arms...

Cheshire:

“He was beeping the horn because the dogs were following me and the chap said to the woman 'you're not in control of those dogs’.

"She replied and said ‘they’re not all mine'.

All these cases are linked - children attacked by dogs whose owners are cowards (probably why they chose the mutts in the first place) and who find the authorities are worse than useless (the PSNI are armed, why did they not despatch the vicious animal then and there?).

What's the point of beefing up the Dangerous Dogs Act if there's no - pardon the pun - teeth in it?

"It seems very strange it should happen in a hairdressers."

Really?

The mayor of Weymouth has expressed his shock after a daytime stabbing incident at a Weymouth business.

A man aged in his 20s was allegedly stabbed at Weymouth Barbers in St Mary Street on Friday morning.

It was reported an altercation took place between a group of men inside the premises. Police say the incident took place at around 10am, and that two men reportedly known to the victim have been arrested.

Seated in a chair at an appointed time and place? Sounds like an ideal spot for an ambush to me... 

More Scrabble Names...

'Can I have a vowel, Carol?' 

Of course, it's gang-related. And the killer has a long record, as always:

On Wednesday the "committed" gang member, who appeared in four YouTube music videos (Ed: no, Reader, they aren't piano recitals...), was jailed at the Old Bailey for 14 years with a further four years on extended licence.

Rexson had previous convictions for robbery and having a lock-knife and Rambo-style blade, the court was told.

At the time of the killing, he was also on police bail on suspicion of murder, the court was told.

/facepalm

Of course, the victim was no angel either: 

The Thugs For Life gang member came across the victim, who was associated with the rival A9 gang, outside a JD Sports shop on May 4 last year “by chance".

During a brief confrontation, Mr Ngwendema was stabbed in the chest, with the blade piercing his heart.

And Reader, I have to confess this tickled my black sense of humour: 

The judge also referred to statements from Mr Ngwendema's family describing him as having a "heart of gold".

If he had, the blade would have bounced off! 

Well, Is It 'Serious' Or Not?

The judge, Recorder Andrew Langdon QC, told Woolridge on Tuesday, March 8: “Assaulting a man in your care, albeit during a momentary loss of temper, is so serious that only a custodial sentence can be justified.

Because of the patient’s dementia, your actions caused him physiological harm as he was visibly upset afterwards. Furthermore, the effect on his family when they learnt what had happened and the effect on your colleagues or what they witnessed is an aggravating feature of your conduct.”

Quite rightly! 

Stephen Donnelly, defending Woolridge, explained that he had presented the court with four letters of reference.

He added: “Woolridge has conceded that his behaviour does cross the custody threshold, however, I would suggest that a suspended sentence would be appropriate as he will never be able to work in the caring industry ever again.”

Hah! As if that's going to w... 

The judge sentenced Woolridge to a nine-month prison term, suspended for 18 months. He also ordered that he carry out 150 hours of unpaid work and to pay court costs of £500.

*sighs* 

Obviously Scrumping Apples Is Old Hat...

A boy aged 12 burgled some of London’s top hotels and the BBC Television Centre in an alleged 10-month crime spree, a court heard.

The boy is said to have carried out raids on Claridge’s in Mayfair, the Four Seasons in Park Lane and The Millennium Hotel in Knightsbridge.

He faces allegations of burgling BBC Television Centre in White City and is also said to have targeted the offices of retailer The White Company and media agency Publicis within the complex. Other alleged targets include the Corinthia Hotel in Whitehall.

Not that this winsome moppet was a lone Artful Dodger, of course: 

The boy appeared in court on Monday alongside his 13-year-old brother, who is accused of involvement in three of the burglaries.

And being 'children' of course their mum accompanied them in the dock! 

Any clue as to the background of this gang of loveable scamps?

The court heard a co-defendant, 19-year-old Shane McCarthy, was also due to appear but claimed he was attending a funeral in Wales. The judge adjourned the hearing until tomorrow.

Hmmm.... 

In A Normal Society, A Thing Like This Would Have No Future...

Authorities said they have 10 days to administer a behavioral study on the dog and determine its future, including the possibility of euthanizing it.

That it's only a possibility tells you all you need to know, doesn't it?

The 25-year-old pet owner was tying her sneakers in her bedroom when she was suddenly attacked last Thursday, Colombian media outlets reported.

What's the Spanish for "Oh, he's never done that before.."?

And did I call it yesterday, or what? Multiple surnames, hyphens, ghetto-culture aspects ('Treysharn'..? Really?) and the inevitable chavshrines being built by 'the community', who all seem to be claiming to have tried to carry out CPR on the victim....

Detective Inspector Lisa Milligan said: ‘Our officers take the issue of dangerous dogs very seriously. Over the past years we have worked proactively with the five local authorities in Merseyside to ensure prohibited dogs are taken off the streets.’

Until the people that have a fatal attraction to creatures like this stop buying them, your officers are sadly wasting their time... 

An Air Of Deja Vu...

Without reading any more I get what I suspect will be an accurate picture of the sort of parents and animal in this case. 

Because it's all so depressingly familiar.  

'The dog will be subject to further forensic examinations to determine the breed of dog and whether it is, or isn't a legal breed under the Dangerous Dogs Act (1991),' Merseyside Police added in a statement.

We clearly aren't talking about a Westie, Labrador, Cavalier King Charles or a Jack Russell here, are we? 

Detective Inspector Lisa Milligan said: 'This is a tragic incident and our thoughts are with the child's family at this devastating time.

'Whilst we are in the very early stages of the investigation into this extremely tragic incident we can confirm that the dog was only bought by the family a week ago and officers are working to identify the previous owners of the dog concerned and establish its history.'

Most parents with a young toddler would think twice about doubling their workload by getting a puppy as well. Most would - if they decided to do so - go to a reputable breeder. 

Who in their right mind gets a dog like this second-hand? 

What's The Romanian For 'You Couldn't Make It Up'..?

A juror who whipped out his phone during a criminal trial to research a case he was trying, has avoided jail.

Adrian Pirstin, from Iwade near Sittingbourne (Ed: only peripherally, Reader...), carried out an internet probe into elements of the hearing while in the jury-booth at Canterbury Crown Court.

And has avoided a spell in chokey? How? 

To be found in contempt of court usually carries a mandatory prison sentence however, the judge instead discharged Pirstin from jury duty with a verbal warning.

Recorder Matthew Turner ruled the “flagrant breach” was owed to Pirstin’s “insufficient grasp” of spoken English.

Wait, what..? How the hell do you get selected for jury duty if you can't follow the evidence?

“Now, I am not satisfied you have a sufficient grasp of spoken English to follow sufficiently simple instructions.

“You have ended up wasting half a day of court time and these matters are taken extremely seriously.

“Your phone was inpounded and interrogated by the National Crime Agency and it was discovered that you had been undertaking some research, and that you had communicated by text messages with your wife about this case.”

/facepalm 

Speaking outside the court, the “shocked” Romanian national apologised for his actions.

“I like to do research and I thought if I could understand some things it would help, and I didn’t understand you couldn’t do research.”

That won't wash. I've done jury duty and it's something you are specifically warned against. Perhaps HMRC should be looking into what other 'simple instructions' you don't understand? Like how to calculate your tax liability? 

H/T: Farmageddon via Twitter

You're Lucky, Most Of Us No Longer Have Any To Lose...

“When we found out we had a large amount of police officers, we joked that this should be pretty easy. It ended up being the worst day of my hospitality career. I was shocked and have lost trust, especially in the Met.”

Another 'bad apple'? Well, no, a whole barrelful. What are the odds? 

An acting inspector and at least four sergeants were on the night out, in a group of between 20 and 25 officers. Sergeant Ryan Snadden conceded that White “would have had concerns” as the CCTV footage shows more than six people sitting together.

“We were fully aware of the rules at the time, and had every intention to stick to them,” he said.

Until you all got steaming drunk and forgot who you were, eh? 

The Pc claimed self-defence, but District Judge Briony Clarke dismissed his evidence as “not honest or credible”...

That's him either out of a job or in the running to replace The Dick then! 

The officer is facing the end of his police career, and he will be sentenced later this month.

Sounds like there's more than a few others who should be facing an interview without coffee...

 

"Mother of god, it's gonna be a long day..."

It's Not Our Responsibility...

Two weeks ago, Alani Iyanuoluwa fled Kyiv as the Russian invasion intensified. Making her way across Europe, the 24-year-old hoped to be reunited with family in London. Yet for 10 days she has been stranded in a French port – because she is Nigerian.

Iyanuoluwa is among a growing number of refugees who claim the British government is ignoring black people who fled Ukraine.

No, the UK government is - quite rightly - ignoring non-Ukranians. You've got another option, haven't you? 

Iyanuoluwa is staying with two other Nigerian students in Boulogne-sur-Mer. All three fear returning to Nigeria because of the dangers of kidnapping and trafficking...

Really? So, you planned to stay in Ukraine forever? Yet never applied for citizenship, I note...  

“We’re coming from war and they are telling us that without a Ukrainian passport we can’t come to the UK, but the UK should consider all residents living in Ukraine when the war started,” she said.

Why should it? And why should the situation in Ukraine provide you - and the others - with a convenient back door into a UK that wouldn't be likely to grant you a visa in peacetime? 

Perfect For Remembrance Day!

"Extra cheese, but hold the poppy..."

Remember When You Needed To Speak English To Work For The BBC?

I guess you no longer do...

Sunday Funnies...

Good old Scotland..!

This Is What Some 'Medical Professionals' Now Think...

Wait, what? What random Twitter loon could possibly spout such arrant nonsense? 

Let's have a look at the bio to see if it sheds some lig...

*blinks*

"It is the ancient instinct of terriers and policemen to chase anything that runs away."

No charges will be filed against the Chicago police officers who chased and fatally shot 13-year-old Adam Toledo and 22-year-old Anthony Alvarez within days of each other last year, prompting sharp criticism of how the department handles foot pursuits, a prosecutor announced on Tuesday.

Well, why should they have charges filed against them? Weren't they doing exactly what we keep policemen - and terriers - for..?  

The Cook county state’s attorney, Kim Foxx, said there was insufficient evidence to charge the officers in the deaths, which were captured on video that showed both suspects appeared to have handguns before the shootings.

QED! 

In both Chicago shootings, officers chased suspects on foot – a highly unpredictable situation that critics, including the US Department of Justice, have said is dangerous for both officers and suspects and leads to too many unnecessary shootings.

Define 'unnecessary' - I'd have though getting armed felons off the streets by any means necessary was a defining factor of their job! 

After the shootings last year, Chicago’s mayor, Lori Lightfoot, demanded the police department come up with a clear foot pursuit policy – something that has been discussed for years but has not happened. Chicago police now say they are finalizing a policy, though one still is not in place.

Hopefully it'll say 'We're still going after armed people who refuse to stop when ordered to do so. Sorry if that loses you a voter or two'. 

All Together Now...

The officer who fatally shot 16-year-old Ma'Khia Bryant last year was cleared of wrongdoing after a grand jury dropped all charges against him.

Because she had a knife. 

"It’s always sad when there is a loss of life, however, the actions of the people at scene, caused him to take action that saved lives and he is trained very well," Fraternal Order of Police President Jeff Simpson told ABC 6. "He did his job, and it is a good outcome."

Because she had a knife. 

At a briefing last year, White House press secretary Jen Psaki called the shooting "tragic." “She was a child," Psaki said.

With a knife.  

Maybe You Should Stop Showing Her There Are No Serious Consequences, Dominic?

JP Dominic Stone said: 'You are going to have to learn to respect people in authority.

'A police officer is there to serve and protect the whole community, including you. They show you courtesy, the least you can show to them is courtesy in return.

'This is going to land you in serious consequences. You were given the opportunity as a youth, and here you are again abusing a police officer; this has to stop.'

Bring on those serious consequences, then!

As well as the 12 month community order, McNally has also been sentenced to 15 days of rehabilitation activity requirements and 60 hours unpaid work.

Not really what I had in mind... 

I'm Trying Hard Not To Laugh...

A popular 'pay what you like' vegan restaurant chain will shut its doors for good after running out of cash.

...but I don't think I'm going to manage it!

Mr Fernando's restaurant chain asked customers to pay only what they thought a meal was worth or else they could pay it back through volunteering.

It appears they did, then... 

Several GoFundMe fundraising campaigns had been launched by community members determined not to let the beloved business collapse. One aimed at raising $400,000 made just $3435, but another created in December made more than $15,000.

Pass the vegan popcorn! 

Hey Biden, If You're Looking For War Crimes...

...look no further:

...footage emerged of a group six Russian soldiers calling President Vladimir Putin a 'd**khead' on the orders of their Ukrainian captors and declaring they did not want to go to war after surrendering south of Chernihiv.

The group, lead by Major Viktor Blyudin, was a reconnaissance team located in the forest near to the town of Sribne in the southern part of Chernihiv oblast. They surrendered on March 14 to civilians in Sribne after learning that a neighbouring Russian cohort was killed, according to Sribnyanshchyna newspaper which posted a video of the soldiers on Facebook.

In the video, several of the soldiers can be heard repeating after their Ukrainian captors: 'Putin is a d**khead', before asking the people of Ukraine for forgiveness and telling their family and friends that they are being treated well.

Hmmm, what does the Geneva Convention say about the treatment of PoWs?

They are protected against any act of violence, as well as against intimidation, insults, and public curiosity.

Awkward! 

Get The Leniency Ready For More Killer Kids...

A boy aged 14 has been charged with the murder of a man stabbed to death outside a supermarket.

Ian Kirwan, 53, was knifed in front of horrified shoppers outside an Asda in Redditch, Worcestershire on Tuesday.

Witnesses said the married software engineer was attacked after accidentally bumping into a gang of youths. He died at the scene from a stab wound despite the best efforts of medics.

No, of course he can't be named... 

But The Dog Gets Named...

Two people have been charged over the horrific death of ten-year-old boy mauled to death by a dog called Beast.

Little Jack Lis suffered 'severe injuries to the head and neck' when he was set upon while playing at his friend's home.

A 28-year-old woman and 19-year-old man will appear in court in connection with Jack's death.

And who are they? The justice system doesn't seem to want to name them. Though everyone in the village must know who they are... 

The pair, who haven't been named, are understood to have taken American bully Beast from a breeder just days before the tragedy.

Both are charged with being in the charge of a dog dangerously out of control causing injury resulting in death.

The 19-year-old man is accused of five further offences connected to two alleged attacks by the dog in the days before Jack's death.

Seems a bit unfair that the dog gets named, doesn't it? 

More Killer Kids Treated With Leniency...

A schoolgirl who killed a talented musician has been jailed for five years after she admitted manslaughter as a result of diminished responsibility.

The 15-year-old girl killed Nimroy Hendricks, 24, in Crawley, west Sussex before she was arrested by police. Alongside her custodial sentence she will also have to an extra four years on extended licence.

The girl, who lived in Crawley, cannot be named for legal reasons.

Of course not. Because then, we might have some warning when she gets out in (probably under) five years, and that will never do... 

A spokesman for Sussex Police said: 'She appeared at court last July charged with murder following an investigation by the Surrey and Sussex Major Crime Team.

'However, expert medical practitioners for the defence and prosecution agreed that that at the time of the offence, the defendant was suffering from a significant abnormality of mind and so the Crown accepted a guilty plea to manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility.

'She was then remanded for pre-sentencing reports.'

Ah, reports. Does anyone bother to read them? 

Detective Chief Inspector Andy Wolstenholme from the Surrey and Sussex Major Crime Team said: 'If you have information about individuals or groups carrying knives in Sussex or anywhere, please tell the police and prevent another family suffering the unimaginable pain that the loss of Nim has caused.'

Why would anyone bother? 

I’d Be Happy If...

...they could just successfully teach them to spell it.

“We’ve got to start in primary schools in relation to relationship education for boys. What is a healthy relationship? What is appropriate and inappropriate attitudes and behaviour?

“Going towards making misogyny a hate crime, making the sexual harassment of women in a public place a criminal offence, making sure there’s zero tolerance towards inappropriate behaviour and attitudes.

“And the reality is often inappropriate attitudes can lead to inappropriate behaviour that can lead to violence. That’s why it’s so important to take action.”

There are two sexes. Why is this targeted at only one?  

This Is Why We Have A 'Killer Kid' Problem...

A 16-year-old shooter who blasted a 15-year-old boy in the face with a shotgun has today had his attempted murder sentence...

'Increased', she says, hopefully? 

...slashed by Appeal Court judges.

*sighs* 

Talbot-Lummis, then 16, was handed an extended sentence made up of 24 years in custody and five years on extended licence. However, three senior judges at the Court of Appeal reduced the sentence for attempted murder to 18 years in custody with an extended five years on licence on Tuesday.

Six years off the sentence? For someone who blasted another kid in the face with a shotgun? 

At a hearing in London, Talbot-Lummis appeared via video link to challenge the length of his sentence. His barrister Diana Ellis QC said the sentence was 'manifestly excessive'. She argued that the sentencing judge had failed to properly consider the amount of mitigation the teenager had, including his youth, 'dysfunctional' upbringing and the bullying he said he faced from his victim.

The usual excuses. Ones already considered by the trial judge.  

During the original sentencing, Judge Levett said he did not accept 'there was bullying of the scale or the degree suggested'.

So what makes these judges any better? 

Lord Justice Holroyde, sitting with Mr Justice Julian Knowles and Mr Justice Cotter, said the trial judge was 'in the best position to assess the evidence'. He continued: 'What, with respect, he did not address however was the full effect of the bullying, whatever its level, may have been on the appellant.'

How do you know he didn't? 

They also said the sentencing judge should have taken Talbot-Lummis's youth more into account and reduced the sentence further from the number of years that would have been given to an adult. Lord Justice Holroyde said: 'There was, in our view, no basis for treating the appellant as being more mature than others of his age.'

There's no basis for thinking that you're a bunch of simpering bleeding hearts, either. And yet, I do. 

In Future, You Might Want To Hide Your Vile Personality...

A security firm boss was arrested after attempting to remove all the Russian vodka from his local Sainsburys.

Mike Ockelford, 59, got into an argument with the staff at the Basildon of Sainsburys after taking the Russian Standard vodka from the shelves.

He said that after removing the bottles from the shelf, he took them to staff who eventually told him to put them back, leading to a 'slight altercation' with the workers he described as 'obnoxious'.

I can think of a few adjectives for you, chum. 'Obnoxious' is the least of them! 

Ockelford said he left the store and then returned to talk to the police - saying he had 'nothing to hide'.

But, as usual, turns out he had! 

'They asked for my details and then asked for my address, and I didn't feel like I had to give that to them so they handcuffed me and put me in the back of their car for three minutes'.

Yeah, that happens a lot when you decide to treat the police the way you've got away with treating some poor minimum wage worker. Funny how the boss of a security firm doesn't know that... 

No charges have been brought against Mr Ockelford and he said that he did not think the store would press for them.

Oh, I wish they would... 

Ouch!

Having filled up yesterday I'm no longer sure this should go under 'humour'...

Oh Oh! Jolyon Better Watch Out!

...foxes are becoming lawyers now!

Sunday Funnies...

Nature, you is even scarier when drunk..!

Drop The Lot!

The British government is reportedly considering ditching its pledge to ban fur and foie gras imports after opposition from within the cabinet.

The new rules, which were due to be part of the animals abroad bill, were expected to be introduced soon. But, according to the BBC, the government is likely to drop the plans due to objections from several cabinet ministers.

Is this a sign of Carrie's malign influence finally beginning to wane..? 

Rees-Mogg believes the government should not impose restrictions on customers and argued that the proposed ban would not benefit animal welfare in the UK.

Well, precisely! But to assume that it would is to assume animal welfare is what drives those pushing for this, and we know that's not the case... 

The new draft legislation intended to improve animal welfare includes a crackdown on hunting animals for trophies and holidays that lead to animal neglect.

Surely the same argument applies to these too?  

But, following debate over how some aspects would be enforced, the bill has been delayed.

How are you going to stop people riding elephants abroad? Are Customs expected to trawl through their holiday snaps? 

This is what happens when you let idiot bunnyhuggers decide policy... 

...animal rights campaigners warned that removing the ban from the bill would lead to anguish.

“A very large number of people will be disappointed if they don’t,” Claire Bass, the executive director of the Humane Society International UK, told the BBC, adding: “People won’t stand for that.”

People mostly don't care about such non-issues, and as we've seen, will stand for pretty much anything so long as 'Strictly' is on and there's no toilet paper shortage in Tesco. So your followers will have a strop and...well, that's it! 

Let's Spin The Wheel Of Racism...

And this time it lands on...wait, paleontology? Eh..?

The public image of palaeontologists as dusty, but rather affable academics, could be due an update. The study of ancient life is a hotbed of unethical and inequitable scientific practices rooted in colonialism, which strip poorer countries of their fossil heritage, and devalue the contributions of local researchers, scientists say.

What scientists say this..?

Writing in the journal Royal Society Open Science, an international team of palaeontologists argue that there has been a steady drain of plesiosaurs, pterosaurs, prehistoric spiders, and other fossils from poorer countries into foreign repositories or local private collections – despite laws and regulations introduced to try to conserve their heritage.

*blinks* 

“It might not be the colonialism we think of, when we imagine 19th-century ships sailing across the Atlantic, but it is still a modern form of neocolonialism where we’re being extractive and exploitative for our own gain at the expense of lower income countries,” said Emma Dunne, a palaeobiologist at the University of Birmingham, and a co-author on the paper.

"Alan! ALAN!!"

 

*sighs*

The team also called for more rigorous journal guidelines and education on research ethics, greater enforcement of fossil laws, and sanctions against those involved in unethical practices. Finally, fossils should be repatriated to those communities from which they have been taken, they said.

Even if those 'communities' don't have any museums to hold them, Emma? 

All Welcome London's Glorious Diversity!

Two women including an NHS hospital matron have been sentenced for operating a £4 million loan shark operation from their Tooting home.

No longer do we just have loansharks with names like 'Lenny the Legbreaker'. Aren't we cosmopolitan and sophisticated?

Luz Guerra Villar, 65, and Leticia Manipol, 69, loaned vast sums of cash to fellow members of the Filipino community across south London, using Facebook, texts, and WhatsApp messages to enforce repayment with high rates of interest add (sic) on top.

How exotic! How vibrant! How enriching!

At Kingston Crown Court last Friday, Villar was handed an 18-month suspended prison sentence with 220 hours of community service, and Manipol was given a 15-month suspended prison sentence with 200 hours of community service.

What's the Filipino for 'pussy pass', I wonder? 

Beyond Childish...

Hurrah! A harmless little game to take all our minds off the depressing news! Just what we need in these worrying times...

But not you, Russian kids! Not so fast!

That'll teach you for voting for Put...errr, planning to vote for Putin when you grow up!

She's Right. They Aren't.

A male-dominated panel of councillors found Lisa Townsend had not been ‘dignified or respectful’ to trans people when she supported the best-selling author’s view that biologically male rapists were not female.

Reality doesn't care about 'respect' or 'dignity' - reality simply is... 

And it's not simply 'her view', it's the view of the vast majority of the public she was elected to serve. 

They said the Surrey PCC had broken the code of conduct for her office and demanded she explain herself to the three men who had reported her over the tweet – one of whom is local Conservative MP Crispin Blunt.

Shouldn't be difficult - just show them this:

As the 'Spectator' article points out:

We’ve arrived at a moment when language itself has ceased to convey meaning, when all debate is null because we do not have access to words in which to conduct it.

Only if we surrender to the unhinged; thankfully, something Ms Townsend has decided she will not do. 

The panel’s complaints subcommittee made its ruling on Tuesday – International Women’s Day.

Of course they did - gleefully sticking a thumb in the eye of women everywhere appears to have become a sport now... 

Mr Blunt, who said in his complaint that her ‘messaging propagates dangerous myths’, declined to comment yesterday.

Because he knows he's in the wrong here, and he just doesn't care.  

Can 'The Reputation Of The Profession' Get Worse?

A children's therapist who 'violently' slapped a vulnerable four-year-old boy '10 to 20 times' because he did not put his shoes on and pretended to be asleep has been ruled fit to work again after 'addressing his failings' and 'reflecting' on the assault.

Yes, it's this individual.

A Health and Care Professions Tribunal Service (HCPTS) committee ruled: 'Mr Priess has taken steps [by] providing a reflective piece covering his insight, remorse and reflection on the impact of his actions on the reputation of the profession.

What about the impact on the victim - shouldn't that count for more? 

'The panel finds the (sic) Mr Preiss's fitness to practise is no longer impaired because he has addressed his failings, shown insight, and the public interest issues have been resolved.'

Shouldn't the public be asked that? 

"Just Ignore Normal Human Behaviour And Act Like Robots, Citizens..."

"...that's what we do, after all."

Speaking yesterday, Chief Superintendent Andy Cox said detectives are doing 'everything they can to establish what happened'.

He added: 'This is an exceptionally sad incident, and one that we know will impact the local community, or indeed anyone hearing about it.

'There may be a temptation to speculate about what happened while people attempt to understand this tragedy, and we'd ask people to avoid doing so, particularly on social media where facts can become distorted.

'We will do everything we can to establish what has happened, and we'd like to thank everyone for their support.

If you really think people aren't going to wonder why a three month old baby was out in a wooded area after 11:00pm and somehow came into contact with a dangerous dog, then you know nothing of human nature. 

Nor can you stop people speculating on social media, any more than you can prevent them discussing it in the pub or the queue for the post office counter.  

The fact you think you can - and worse, should - makes me wonder if you're one of that new breed of police officers, full up on worthless degrees and qualifications and lacking in the basics.

Shame On You, London Dungeon...

Surely that must be the very worst take on International Woman's Day ev...

...

...wait a minute!

As you were, London Dungeon. You're off that hook after all.

Your Agent Feels The Same Way, Zoe...

“I watched a bunch of cat videos, feline videos, watching them fight.

“What I was so interested [in] is that fact that you can’t read their face at all, which is why I think people are creeped out by them. You can’t tell what they’re gonna do.”

Somewhere a Hollywood agent is ruefully contemplating the similarities... 

No, Tyrone, This Isn't 'Justice'...

An east London council has been ordered to pay £24,000 in legal costs after a botched attempt to prosecute a cinema for breaking Covid rules.

Hey, it's only taxpayer's money, isn't it? So why not take a punt? 

A criminal case was brought by Tower Hamlets council against the Genesis Cinema in Bethnal Green, accusing the family-run arthouse venue of flouting the pandemic rules in November and December 2020.

After a protracted legal battle, the council eventually dropped the charges last October, offering no evidence after a “reconsideration of the public interest in continuing with the prosecution”.

Pity that consideration of the public interest didn't take place before attempting it... 

Last week Stratford magistrates’ court ordered the council to pay £24,000 in costs racked up by Genesis Entertainment Ltd.

The council won't pay that, of course - the people of Tower Hamlets will. 

Cinema owner Tyrone Walker-Hebborn said: “We are delighted that justice has been done. We would never knowingly break the law.”

True justice would see it coming out of the salary or pension pot of the Tower Hamlet council staff who made the decision to proceed, Tyrone...

What Have You Got To Hide, Then?

A Black Lives Matter group in south Wales has closed down after revelations that a covert police unit attempted to recruit one of its members to be an informant.

Lowri Davies, one of the group’s main organisers, exposed a covert police operation to persuade her to become an informant last year by secretly recording the approach. It was the first public evidence that the police have sought to enlist a mole within the Black Lives Matter movement in the UK.

Good! The police are (for once) doing the job we pay them to do... 

On Tuesday, Davies said the attempt by South Wales police to recruit her had had “a massive impact” on the group, leading to members drifting away. She said supporters were too scared to join, adding: “It felt like we were fighting against the odds.”

Oh dear, how many members did you have, then? 

The group, which had about seven core members and hundreds of supporters online...

Ah. Well, somewhere a phone box is now vacant for some other fringe group's regular meetings...

If He Waits Up And Shoots The Vandal, Will The Council Be Charged As An Accessory?

Wesley Richardson, from First For Flooring in Lewes Road, Brighton, was told by an environmental enforcement officer from Brighton and Hove city council that the tagging must be cleared.

He now faces a £100 fine if the graffiti is not removed, or if it reappears within the 14-day period from when a community protection warning was issued.

Is this the first time he's been hit with this visual vandalism, then? No, Reader, far from it: 

Wesley has removed graffiti from his store many times, only for it to return shortly after.

So why is the council punishing the victim here? 

“They’re doing everything they can to help small businesses, the Government, but then it feels like the council are just screwing you over,” said Wesley. “It’s absolutely ridiculous.”

Because they are! 

Wesley said he was informed by an environmental enforcement officer that the city council will work in tandem with Sussex Police to tackle tagging.

But not, I note, by helping the businesses hit by this catch and punish the vandals... 

War Is Indeed Hell...

...but just occasionally, there's an upside!

Who Knew Joe Exotic Was Ukranian..?

Or that the headline writer at the 'Independent' really thinks there are thousands of lions and tigers in Ukraine's zoos..?

Sunday Funnies...

Well, I for one think there can't be enough werewolf movies, at least...

And Yet, She Doesn't Understand That Birds Can Fly...

Helena Horton is an environment reporter for the Guardian.

And knows her subject about as well as all other 'Guardian' experts, clearly... 

Two of these giants have now been found dead on estates in Dorset and Sussex.

While the cause of death has not been established, the multi-agency police investigation suggests that foul play could have been involved.

That's what an investigation is for - it doesn't actually mean anything in and of itself.  

Currently, officers are conducting toxicology reports, suggesting they believe the eagles could have been poisoned.

As a famous screen lawyer once pointed out 'It doesn't matter what I believe, it matters what I can prove...' 

Unless those who own estates are properly held to account for poisoned birds found on their land – perhaps having their shooting licences suspended until they can get a handle on crimes occurring under their noses – this will likely keep happening.

There's no automatic connection whatsoever between a landowner and a dead poisoned bird just because it happens to be found on that land. 

Birds fly, Helen. You did know that, didn't you? 

Have The Progressives Given Up On Redemption, Then?

It is “shameful” that David Goodwillie was allowed to continue playing football after being found by a court to have committed rape, the woman he assaulted has said.

Cue 'the great and good' - in the shape of left-wing author Val McDermid and failed Prime Minister Gordon Brown - demanding the club drop him, which of course they cravenly did. He'd have been better off mistreating an animal in front of his child, clearly!

At a civil case at the court of session in Edinburgh in 2017, Goodwillie and his former Dundee United teammate, David Robertson, were judged to have raped Clair and ordered to pay her damages of £100,000.

Wait, a civil case? Where the balance of probability is lessened? Not a criminal case? 

No criminal charges have been brought against either of them.

Well, well, well... 

She told the Sunday Post newspaper: “It’s shameful they have allowed Goodwillie to continue playing all these years without taking any action. They are just as complicit as him and Robertson with their silence and looking the other way.”

She insisted: “It is not enough for the footballing authorities, the league, the SFA [Scottish Football Association] to stay silent on this. They talk so much about equality and respect but when faced with actual reality instead of waffle, their silence deafened me.

“There needs to be officials who do nothing but ensure players and clubs are properly made aware of their responsibilities. They should be developing educational programmes about sexual violence. Practical measures, not warm words about nothing, could promote real change.”

So do we not believe in redemption any more? Are some 'crimes' so heinous that someone should never work again? Even if they haven't actually been convicted of them?

Your Choice, Lemmy, Stand Up For It...

A bar has been branded 'Britain's wokest pub' for refusing to sell a number of popular drinks for ethical reasons.

The Red Lion in Bristol revealed it will not serve Coca-Cola, Heineken, Polish lager Tyskie, Thatchers or Bacardi because of concerns over the brands' histories.

What's wrong with them?

Pub bosses there say the makers of Thatchers have links to Edward Colston and slavery; Coca-Cola has a history of the misuse of water in developing countries; and Heineken has been accused of unethical practices in Africa.

And the rest?

The Red Lion also won't stock Polish larger Tyskie after the company that owns it was linked to an anti-LGBTQ+ movement; and Bacardi has been linked with historical attacks in Cuba.

What do they serve, tap water? 

... landlord Lemmy is upset about the response to their decision, which was 'made purely on their ethics.'

Wait, what? 

'We have been labelled ''woke'' and all these weaponised words - which have made us feel pretty vulnerable.

'When we have taken the stance which we believe is ethical - we do not want to be made some kind of target. '

Awwww, diddums! This is how it works, wokie - you have your say, and then everyone has theirs. Don't like it? Shame!

Now You Know How It Feels...

Traveller James Golby said: "We had women and children crying. We were woken up at 7am. We had no notice, they just arrived and started smashing fences up. My four-year-old was hiding under her pillow."

No, law-abiding people get no notice when travellers rock up either - not nice, is it? 

The travellers bought the land in 2020 and say they applied for planning permission to live there, but the application wasn't accepted by Medway Council.

And the council isn't - for once - hanging about! 

But there's always one, isn't there? 

One local woman posted online: "Why can’t they stay they are doing no harm where they are I live just down the road and can see no reason why they can’t make their permanent home there it’s their land they should be able to build what they want on it."

Can you..? Without regard to planning laws? 

No. So why should they? 

Not Taking Chances With Their Own Safety...

Mark McLay appeared at Kirkcaldy Sheriff Court and admitted he twice allowed his dog Rollo to be dangerously out of control.

The dog was muzzled when it attempted to attack an SSPCA inspector at Whitehill Kennels in Cowdenbeath in June, last year.

And it also went for a dog warden that visited McLay’s home in Burntisland 10 days earlier.

They were a bit more competent in this case - where their own safety was a risk - than in others, I can't help but note... 

The court ordered the destruction of Rollo in January after McLay, 35, admitted three breaches of the Dangerous Dogs Act, including possession of the animal.

And the other dangerous creature..? 

In sentencing McLay, Sheriff Maryam Lebaki said: “I’ve heard detailed submissions on the history of this case and have a social work report, and I’m of the view that as a direct alternative to custody a restriction of liberty order is appropriate.”

Sheriff Lebaki ordered McLay to stick to a curfew of staying at home between 8pm and 8am for six months and ordered him to be banned from having keeping (sic) a dog for two years.

*sighs* 

Tell That To The Bolshoi Ballet, Macron...

...and to all the Russian people unable to work or sell their products here. 

Leeds-based bar owner Arc Inspirations also confirmed it would stop serving Russian vodka. The bar business said on Twitter: 'To show our support to the people of Ukraine we will no longer be pouring any Russian vodka in any of our bars £standwithukraine.'

I'm sure Putin's quaking in his boots at your pathetically empty and vicious virtue signalling. Still, at least you aren't calling for the expulsion of Russians like this utter clown.

Pressed on whether evicting boarding school pupils from the UK would effectively impact Russia's invasion of Ukraine, he said: "The other group of people, [other] than the Russian people, that Putin listens to are the oligarchs who are his paymasters.

"Those oligarchs have children in British public schools.

"It may sound harsh and it probably is harsh...but if we want to send that message – if the oligarchs need to squeal or be made to squeal – then the way that you will do that is by taking away their privileges, and I'm afraid that is where the children come into it."

I have never been more ashamed to have voted Conservative in my life...but that's something I'll remedy in future if this old fool isn't swiftly reprimanded for his comments by the Party.

Rewatchable TV March: Stargate SG1

Who would have ever thought that a 1994 space epic starring grizzled action man Kurt Russell and a very young James Spader would become a successful TV show series? Well, this one did. In fact, it became two, with the spin off  'Stargate Atlantis' (sings "We don't talk about 'Universe', oh no...").

Starring Richard Dean Anderson in Kurt's role and Michael Shanks in Spader's, it became a massive hit, launching the careers of a host of Canadian actors, and Jewel Staite and Jason Momoa cut their sci-fi/fantasy teeth here. 

It's always been a favourite of mine (except the one we don't name...) and you can't beat its opening titles and that awesome theme... 

Appropriately Named Club You Chose, Ladies...

Two young women have told how they 'blacked out' after being 'spiked' by a needle in a Stoke-on-Trent nightclub, before both ended up in A&E.

Elle Vickers, 18, and Ellen Baldwin, 19, believe they were injected with an unknown drug after arriving at Fiction nightclub at 1.30am on Saturday.

Hmm... 

The friends have no recollection of what happened after 'blacking out' - but both woke to discover suspicious pin-prick marks on their skin. And, they claim their ordeal was made worse by NHS medics suggesting they had simply had too much to drink.

Gosh, who could think such a thing..? 

Staffordshire Police have now launched an invesigation. 'Officers are currently reviewing CCTV footage of the area at the time of the incident and ask anyone with information to get in touch.'

Like the bar staff? 

More than 1,300 reports of needle spiking have been made to police forces across Britain since September, MPs have heard - while one force warned a 'staggering' number of victims still do not report the crime.

Jason Harwin, the National Police Chiefs Council drugs lead, told the Home Affairs Committee last month that the 1,382 reports, made since September last year, represent a 'widespread' problem in the UK on a scale he has 'never seen before'.

Do they really? Colour me skeptical... 

Here, David, Use This Next Time...

...and if the thief is attempting to steal the car of your insufferably woke, virtuesignalling neighbour, don't bother at all. Just have another cup of tea instead.

Never Forget The True Agenda Of These 'Animal Lovers'...

Exotic-looking pet cats like the one kicked by footballer Kurt Zouma in a horrifying Snapchat video could be banned in the UK.

Widespread fury over the shamed West Ham defender’s antics has prompted calls for hybrid Bengal animals to be outlawed.

Wait, what? Some barely human savage acts as his true nature dictates, and these people want to outlaw everyone else's pets? 

With the backing of TV animal expert Chris Packham, the Wildheart Trust has launched a campaign for a legal ban on the breeding of exotic cats with domestic cats.

Ah, say no more - publicity-hungry tv celebrity joins forces with 'young, dynamic and determined charity' that wants to get in on the 'Born Free' action...

In an open letter to environment secretary George Eustice, the charity called on the government to ‘end this cruel form of hybridisation’.

They wrote: ‘Motivated by the “designer pet” trade, fuelled by social media, the breeding of exotic felids and domestic cats (known as F1 hybrids) should have no place in the 21st century.

‘It is no less cruel than breeding a wolf with a poodle. This practice is also an escalating problem – evidenced by the dramatic rise in rescues of F1 hybrid cats in 2021.

‘We have a moral responsibility to treat animals with dignity and not as commodities to be corrupted for pleasure or commercial gain.

‘Urgent legislative action to make this form of hybridisation illegal will prevent the suffering of individual animals caught up in this trade and mitigate against future threats to wild populations of exotic felids.’

What does the public think? Are they on board with this radical agenda? 

That'll be a big 'No!' then. Probably not because they have Bengals or Savannahs, but because they have cats. Ordinary moggies. 

And they know that if this campaign succeeds the charity and this snivelling sentimental celebutard will find some way to come for them next...

I Wouldn't Be So Confident, If I Were You...

At an earlier hearing Joanne Hesse, prosecuting, told the court he had produced a knife from his coat pocket, telling people “I need this for protection”.

She added: “He was asked to leave and he started to live stream himself on Facebook, showing himself walking down Bondgate.

“He brandished a kitchen knife, with a fixed blade in clear view.

“He continued brandishing the knife, saying ‘I have to have the knife to be protected, I’ll kill everyone, I’ll kill you, next time I’m f***ing killing you.’”

He then entered his flat and when police attended refused to leave for about an hour and twenty minutes.

Pretty typical these days.  

Stephen Andrews, who was representing Sardu, said: “The defendant’s position is that he fully accepts that the knife was about his person.”

Given he filmed himself with it and broadcast that imagery to the world, what else could he have done? 

“He fully accepts it was about his person for the purpose of public protection because he himself had been subjected to a violent attack just days before this incident.

Yeah, sure. Was that reported to the police, then? 

“He didn’t actually realise he was committing an offence by having it about his person."

Sure he didn't.  

He added: “Nobody was threatened directly with the blade.”

Everybody was threatened with the blade! Don't these magistrates ever feel like pointing out plain and obvious lies? 

Mr Andrews said he had barricaded himself in his flat because he was confused about the police’s involvement and was living in a "state of fear".

Ahead of sentencing on Thursday, Mr Andrews said of Sardu: "I am absolutely confident you will not see this gentleman again. I can say with confidence he will not commit further offences."

Of course, because who will ever hold you to it? There's going to be no consequences for you if - when! - you're proved wrong, after all... 

Sardu was handed a 12 month community order and a further order was made to destroy the knife. Magistrates told the 42-year-old: "We have taken this route because of your previous good character. This is a serious matter and could have warranted a custodial sentence but we feel this will be more beneficial.

"You won't be going to prison today."

*sighs* But, hold that thought! 

Sardu was also ordered to pay a £95 victim surcharge and costs worth £85. However he raised concerns about how he would be able to pay as he is currently unemployed.

Off to prison then!