Competition: Find A More 2026 Opening Paragraph Than This One!

As a mother of four boys, teenagers riding e-bikes had become one of my biggest parenting fears. But after speaking to friends of William Drake, 16, and Adrian Lai, 15, the two teenagers killed when their dirt bike collided with a bus in Sydney's west this week, that has completely changed. And I think everyone should be more worried about what happens when police get more authority to seize and destroy these bikes.

A middle class woman opens dialogue with some ‘teens’ over the senseless death of two of them during a criminal endeavour, and comes away from it thinking they have a point. 

The following day, a number of their mates agreed to talk to me about their involvement in the growing illegal e-bike culture. I expected regret. I expected a wake-up call. Instead, I was met with defiance. And something far more confronting: fear.

Not, Reader, fear of dying in a horrifying crash. That takes sense, with they clearly lack.  

'What else are we going to do?' one classmate asked me when I questioned whether this tragedy would stop ride-outs. 'How else will we be able to make friends and have somewhere to go?'He wasn't concerned about getting hurt, or worse still, losing his life before it even had a chance to really begin. He was worried about losing his freedom.

The freedom to end your short life in a twisted mass of mangled metal? 

But what struck me most is this: e-bikes are not the real problem.

Not all kids play sport. Youth clubs are dwindling. And now social media, for many under-16s, is effectively off the table.

Oh dear, I’d forgotten this was Australia. Is that ‘unforeseen consequences’ I hear calling?

The young teens I spoke to didn't care what the law says, and they are willing to take the risk of being caught for the thing they love most. That's actually being with their mates, but their logical brains are still developing, and they think it is about the e-bikes. Which means if we ban them without replacing them, they will not stop.

Give them social media so they won't find more dangerous pursuits? Well, it's a theory...

If Not, Then When Is?

 

Because we've tried singing 'kumbayah', and futile weapon bans, and curtailing our freedoms, and turning our events into rings of steel and frankly, none of it's worked.

Children, Holocaust survivors, religious leaders all have had their fundamental right – to life – abridged by a father and son on a mission. Because they were Jewish. No more, no less – just because of their faith.

And also because of the terrorists' faith. There's no getting away from that.  

And in this initial period, I know what it is not time for.

Oh? Do Tell... 

It is not time to blame Anthony Albanese for failing to do what Benjamin Netanyahu or some in the Jewish community demanded. It is not time to stifle criticism of Israel under the guise of stopping antisemitism. It is not time (yet) to investigate the possible failings of our intelligence services in anticipating and stopping this. It is not time to ban protests and shy away from our international obligations. It is not time to dilute democracy with overreach laws. And it’s certainly not time to politicise by introducing an immigration system based on religion.

How fortumate  that it's 'not time' for you to stop anything the Left is fixated on, eh?

May we rise above this horror and national shame to be a better and stronger country. Where there is less dispute and more conversation. Less hatred and more compassion.

The hatred is all coming from one side, David, so good luck with fighting it with the usual performative theatre ands useless gestures targeting the tools and not the specific hands eager to wield them against their religious enemies wherever they are.

A Dreadful Familiarity...

That's what struck me about the Bondi Beach terrorist massacre, as I read about it over brerakfast in York at the weekend. All the hallmarks we have come to expect fromn the attack itself to the aftermath and the authorities scrambling to excuse their own part in allowing it to happen...

The alleged gunmen were a 50-year-old, who was shot by police and died at the scene, and his 24-year-old son, who suffered critical injuries and was taken to hospital under police guard where he remained on Tuesday. The 24-year-old was in a coma but regained consciousness on Tuesday, NSW police confirmed. Media have identified them as Naveed Akram and his father, Sajid Akram. Naveed Akram is an Australian-born citizen, the home affairs minister, Tony Burke, said. His father arrived in 1998 on a student visa, transferred in 2001 to a partner visa and, after trips overseas, had been on resident return visas three times. The prime minister, Anthony Albanese, said the son first came to the attention of the Australian Security Intelligence Organisation (Asio) in October 2019. He was examined “on the basis of being associated with others”. New South Wales police and the director general of Asio, Mike Burgess, said one of the shooters was known to authorities, “but not in an immediate threat perspective”.

Muslims, taken in by a country and repaying it with slaughter, coming to the notice of the authorities but crucially, never enough enough notice to prevent their murderous hatred from finding expression, bevause of that peculiar sensitivity rtowards this murderous cult that infests every Western government. And then the police, arriving too late to do any good, as always. Ah, yes, the police:

 

As if that's supposed to help...

Some witnesses have suggested police were too slow to disarm the two gunmen, who killed 15 people and injured dozens in Australia's most famous beach on Sunday. "There are two officers in critical care... at the moment," Chris Minns said after sustained questioning from reporters. "They weren't shot in the back as they were running away. They were shot in the front."

The point being they shouldn't have been shot at all. Aren't we always told we have no need to protect ourselves, because a paid and professional force stands ready to do it for us? Yet how often it seems that's worse than useless when it comes to the crunch.

Why Can't You Leave It Up To The Australian Parents Themselves To Stand Firm, Then?

Australia's landmark social media ban for children is being challenged in the nation's highest court, with two teenagers alleging the law is unconstitutional as it robs them of their right to free communication.

And the response? 

After news of the case broke, Communications Minister Anika Wells told parliament the government would not be swayed. "We will not be intimidated by threats. We will not be intimidated by legal challenges. We will not be intimidated by big tech. On behalf of Australian parents, we will stand firm," she said.

Why can't they, then, and if they feel giving their children access is a risk, not allow them to access it? Why do they need the hand of government to act for them? What the hell happened to Australia to make them such cravens who freak out at children's TV stars appearing in 'unsavory' music videos? 

Is it because every visit to the loo or game of football in the back garden runs the risk of death by lethal wildlife?

Noah Jones argued the government's policy was "lazy". "We are the true digital natives and we want to remain educated, robust, and savvy in our digital world... They should protect kids with safeguards, not silence."

 Sounds like the kids are alright to me...

Though opposed by the tech companies who will be charged with enforcing it, the ban is supported by most Australian adults, according to polls. However, some mental health advocates say it may cut kids off from connection, and others say it could push youngsters to even-less-regulated corners of the internet.

We'll see... 

I Thought The Aussies Were Blunt By Nature?

An Australian doctor who raised the alarm about Erin Patterson has been sanctioned by the medical regulator over disparaging comments made about the triple murderer.

Can you actually 'disparage' a convicted triple murderer? 

Chris Webster was a key witness in Patterson's trial, at which a jury found her guilty of killing three relatives and attempting to kill another with a deadly mushroom lunch in 2023. After the verdicts, Dr Webster told BBC that Patterson - now serving a life sentence - was a "heinous individual" and called her a "disturbed sociopathic nut-bag" in an interview with the Herald Sun.

And what's wrong with that? Aren't Aussies famous for calling a spade a spade? 

The Medical Board of Australia found his actions were inappropriate and ordered that the general practitioner undergo ethics, privacy and social media training.

Apparently, they received complaints from members of the public! Australia, what happenred to you?  

Dr Webster told the BBC on Friday that he understood and accepted the decision from regulators - who have not publicly commented on his case but listed the conditions on a public register. "As far as my comments go, I stand by them," said Dr Webster, who still works as a GP in Patterson's home town of Leongatha, in regional Victoria. He said that regulators did not find any breach of patient confidentiality, as he was talking about matters that had been openly discussed in the murder trial. "I was found to be inappropriate in my professionalism," he said, "and that has to do with the use of salty language and my use of social media."

If he'd killed a few patients by incompetence, he'd probablv have got off lightly. After all, they don't seem to care as much about having living patients as they do about having unoffended patients.

The Aphra investigation concluded that Dr Webster must do at least eight hours of training in topics including professionalism and ethics, professional communication, privacy and confidentiality, and social media. He must also be mentored by another doctor for five hours a month for a period of one year, Dr Webster says. He called it an "onerous condition", which might require him to take one day off each week to travel to Melbourne, and could mean he has less time with patients. "Ultimately, the community is getting punished as well, and that's disappointing," he said."There's never been any question about my competency and skills as a doctor. It's all about my attitude and presentation, and maybe in this modern world, that kind of thinking might be a bit archaic. Doctors are human beings."

It seems Australia is even further down the road of progressive nonsese than even the US and UK.... 

Why Should They Co-operate?

Victoria Police believe people are helping harbour alleged Porepunkah gunman Dezi Freeman, saying some residents know where the fugitive is. 

Maybe Aussuies are as fed up with their police service  as we are here in the UK? 

Speaking to media on Monday afternoon, Supt Brett Kahan said Freeman’s network was “wide” and asked those who know where he is to come forward. “You are committing an extremely serious crime by harbouring or assisting in the escape of Dezi Freeman,” Kahan said. “People know the whereabouts of the person who’s allegedly killed two cops. People have chosen, for whatever reason, not to come forward, and I’m taking this time to appeal to you to come forward in that respect.”

Good luck with that. There's a long history of fugitives in Convict Land. And not so very far away. either.

What Are They Teaching Aussie Cops?

On 13 April 2024, two shots ended Sydney’s worst mass murder in more than a decade. As an inquest into the Bondi Junction stabbings continues, the question remains: what more could have been done?

Well, the usual, actually - like not allowing the floridly mentally ill to wander around off their meds, for a start. But maybe also train your cops to have a little bit more backbone: 

When police inspector Amy Scott entered a Sydney shopping centre in pursuit of a man who was stabbing people with a large knife, she did so without a partner or a bulletproof vest. Fear, she said, made way for nausea. “Because, in my head, I had resigned myself to the fact that I was probably going to die”, she told the New South Wales coroners court this week.

Strange, if I was going in armed against a knifeman, my initial thoughts would be that, if he doesn’t obey my commands, he’s going to die…

In her active armed offender training, officers were told they had a 60% to 70% chance of non-survival “and that is if you are partnered up and vested up, and I was neither of those”, Scott said. Instead, as makeshift backup she had Silas Despreaux and Damien Guerot – two French nationals who had become friends since moving to Australia. Guerot arrived in Australia to learn English about 10 years ago and is now a carpenter. Despreaux, who arrived seven years ago, is a construction worker. When they heard a man was stabbing people, Despreaux told Guerot: “Let’s go catch him.”

Surely that only applied if they are going up against a gunman, not someone armed with a knife? It doesn’t seem to have worried the two bystanders, who show a lot more gumption and ‘can do’ attitude than this trained girlboss police officer. 

They tried to stop Cauchi using heavy bollards from a clothing store, throwing them down an escalator as he moved up it towards them. Scott told the court that the men told her which way to go. On the way up an escalator to find Cauchi, she unclipped her gun and one of the Frenchmen told her: “You’re on your own [without other police], we’re coming with you.” Guerot told Scott: “It’s a big situation. You have to have your gun ready because this guy is dangerous.”

No doubt the feminists were up in arms at this mansplaining, but good grief, if she needed to be told this, what the hell was wrong with her? 

He turned towards her and started sprinting. Shouting “stop, drop it”, she fired three times. As she pulled the trigger, she told the court that she thought “that he was going to kill me”. Less than six minutes after his rampage began, Cauchi lay motionless outside an art and craft shop. Two of the bullets had hit him; one missed and struck a pot plant.

Can’t fault her for that, at least… 

I’m Not Sure Why She Needs To Go to School…

 …she looks a bit of a clown already!

Presumably Because Even Starmer’s Government Of All The Talentless Know It Isn’t Going To Work

A social media ban for under-16s is “not on the cards at the moment”, a minister has said, as teenagers urged him to rethink plans to follow Australia’s lead and restrict access to sites such as TikTok, Instagram and Snapchat.

Finally, a plan so stupid even Starmer's mob can see right through it!  

Peter Kyle, the secretary of state for science and technology, is trying to convince social media platforms to do more to prevent online harms, with new laws coming into effect next year that could result in heavy fines and even jail in cases where online safety is breached. He told the Guardian: “There’s no work programme at the moment on banning smartphones to children,” and he added: “It’s not my preferred choice.”

Because it's impossible, as Australia will shortly leaen.  

He said the main risk he was concerned to tackle was of deaths of children as a result of social media. “I’ve met parents of children who have either committed suicide or the murder has been instigated via online activity,” he said.

“I get a lot of parents writing to me saying ‘just stop this kit getting into my kid’s hands’.”

Do you ever say to them 'No, that's your job, you're the parents'? 

The Most Cringingly Apologetic Response To A Dog Attack I’ve Ever Read

And I've read a lot:

A woman remains in a critical condition in hospital after being mauled by three dogs at a home in Dandenong, in Melbourne's south-east. Police were forced to shoot the dogs when capsicum spray failed to subdue them during the attack on Thursday.

Normal people will wonder why the police even bothered with non-lethal attempts in the first place. 

A hospital spokesperson said her condition on Friday continued to be listed as critical.

The RSPCA's chief veterinarian Bronwyn Oke said it was "an absolute tragedy" for the woman, the police officers who were confronted by the dogs and had to shoot them, and the dogs. "We don't know what's gone on here," Dr Oke told ABC Radio Melbourne. "I can only hope that this woman makes a strong and rapid recovery."

‘Recovery’? Her arm’s not going to grow back, is it? 

But Dr Oke cautioned against a response that focused on the breeds. "We get a real emotive response to pit bulls," she said. "Pit bull isn't actually a breed, it's an umbrella term for dogs that have descended from bulldogs and from terriers.

"When we say things like this breed or this pit bull needs to be euthanised just for being in existence, what we're actually doing is potentially destroying dogs that are absolutely fine.

The precautionary principle in action! How many times have we heard 'I don't understand, he was always fine with my kids!' as a grieving mother faces the news cameras? Since we don't know which dogs of this wretched breed are really 'absolutely fine' and which are ticking time bombs, better not to take the chance, surely? 

She said it could also stop owners from taking their dog to a vet to be desexed. Dr Oke said the way dogs were treated and other environmental factors were often the underlying cause of their behaviour. "We also know that when animals are in larger groups, they can mentally switch, they can go into pack mentality," she said.She also said dogs could behave differently when they were scared, uncomfortable with a situation, in pain or suffering a medical condition. "We've got to remember that animals are animals, they can't express to us in words what's going on," Dr Oke said. "It's really important to know your pet, to read its body language and if you have any change in behaviour to get that actually formally assessed, have a veterinary opinion to see is there something going on."

It's because of attitudes like this that neighbour complaints about these animals go unanswered, leading to this sort of tragedy. Which, if the comments on FaceBook are anything to go by, is also the case in yesterday's Kinross case in the UK, with the dogs responsible being well known and reported to police. 

Seriously, 'Straya, don't you have enough lethal native wildlife to suit? Why would you want to import more?

The People That Think Men Can Be Women Speak, Should We Listen?

Top doctors have identified Britain’s immigration system as a “public mental health concern” that inflicts harm on asylum seekers, and risks “re-traumatising” those already affected by psychological distress. The Royal College of Psychiatrists (RCPsych) has called on ministers to review immigration laws introduced by the last government, saying Labour had a “moral and ethical obligation” to protect the mental health of those seeking sanctuary in the UK.

Well, I'd be more inclined to listen to your squawking about that if you hadn't spent the last 15 years trying to convince us all that a 6ft 300lb former rugby prop-forward was really a woman because he shaved his legs and put some lippy on. Frankly, I think anything you expound on is suspect as a result.  

“A robust immigration policy can still be guided by human kindness, that is fair and compassionate,” said Dr Lade Smith, the RCPsych president. Smith said many asylum seekers had left countries where they had experienced violence, rape, imprisonment and torture, before enduring further trauma on hazardous journeys to the UK, sometimes at the hands of people traffickers.As a result it was unsurprising that many asylum seekers experienced mental illness and were at risk of re-traumatisation because of the treatment they received on arrival. It was the UK’s duty to make their lives “better and not worse”, she said.

Does the UK government not have a duty to existing UK citizens to make their lives better and not worse, then? And what if importing hundreds of thousands of illiterate Third World moochers conflicts with that?

While the new government had made some welcome policy shifts, including scrapping plans to send asylum seekers to Rwanda, a raft of immigration legislation introduced since 2022 remained in place, she said. These laws criminalised asylum seekers who did not arrive in the UK through established routes, created a more onerous asylum process, and introduced provisions to enable the processing of asylum claims in so-called “third” countries.

All perfectly sensible measures, which is, of course, why you are set against them. 

There was evidence from Australia that in cases where asylum seekers were removed to offshore locations for claims processing, they then had high rates of post-traumatic stress disorder, depression and self-harm, the report says.

*shrugs* 

Will The Aussies Take This Lying Down?

All public servants in NSW who currently work from home will be made to return to the office as businesses continue to struggle across Sydney's CBD. Premier Chris Minns announced that anyone employed by the government who is still working from home will be made to return to the office from Tuesday.

Or will they bring in flasks of coffee and make their own sandwiches and say 'Your move, Chris me ol' cobber'..?

Executive director of Business Sydney, Paul Nicolaou, celebrated the news. 'This is fantastic news and great leadership by the Premier,' he said.'Employers are telling Business Sydney we have to get really serious about getting the CBD back to its pre-Covid footing. 'The city needs more foot traffic hence more workers back to the city to support the hundreds of businesses and enterprises that depend on them.'

Yet another one who believes that if the demand changes, the change should be cancelled. Don't we call that 'entitlement'? 

H/T: John B via Twitter

Has The Zombie Crisis Begun Down Under?

Or are Aussie cops armed with knives as well as guns, that can be fired like guns? Well. You learn something new every day.

H/T: Dave Sparrow via email

Who Keeps Flowers In The Fridge...?

Or don't they know it's spelled 'Rosé' in Oz?

Sure You Are...

“The app provider appears not to recognise transgender women as female. I am legally permitted to identify as female.”

...but just because you're legally permitted to deceive yourself, doesn't mean everyone else has to play along. 

An open letter on Grover’s Twitter page says she created Giggle after suffering abuse and being told she needed a “strong female support network”. She claimed she originally allowed transgender women on to the platform but changed this policy after receiving death threats through “Kill TERF” groups on the app.

If they got what they wanted, why would they threaten? Because you can never, ever satisfy fanatics. That's why. 

After initially suing Giggle and Grover in the federal circuit and family court in July this year, Tickle dropped the case, afraid of the legal costs after hearing the firm’s CEO would take the matter all the way to the high court if she had to. 

Saying she now had “limited funding” to pursue the lawsuit, she is asking the federal court for approval to launch her case out of time.

Who's bankrolling this, then? 

Yes, Habitual Criminals Often Have Issues With The Police...

...you could say it's an occupational hazard:

Kumanjayi Walker had complex developmental trauma that would have influenced his interactions with police, an inquest into the Northern Territory teenager’s death has heard.

Yes, it's the 'Guardian' taking out an onion for another criminal. Because he's aboriginal, which should excuse his behaviour, apparently.

The Warlpiri man was shot three times by Constable Zachary Rolfe, who was subsequently charged with his murder. Rolfe was found not guilty of murder and two alternative charges after a six-week trial in the NT supreme court in Darwin earlier this year.

So, jury nullification is a thing Down Under too... 

Chilvers said she believed the death of the “caring young man” could have been avoided if police had employed trauma-informed practices during the attempted arrest.

Wait, what? What the hell does that even mean? 

She felt it would take years for authorities to rebuild trust with young people in Yuendumu. “Kids will say ‘You’ll get shot’ now. It’s had a significant impact,” she said on Wednesday.

“I don’t know what is needed but if these are already traumatised kids, that’s not going to help develop their relationships with police.”

Nor will being criminals. Maybe that should be explained to them? 

TfL: "We're An Unbeatable Laughing Stock With Our 'Sexual Staring' Poster Campaign!"

Aussie nightclub: "Hold our spiked drink, cobber!"

An iconic nightclub will introduce hi-vis 'staring police' who will kick out revellers if they look longingly at a stranger across the dancefloor without prior 'verbal consent'.

*blinks* 

Long-established venue Club 77 in the heart of Sydney's Darlinghurst party strip has overhauled its safety and harassment policy to make the venue a 'safe space' that promotes a strong culture of consent amid a crackdown against harassment.

The venue stresses interaction with strangers is encouraged but says engagement must now start with prior verbal consent or will otherwise be considered as harassment and will result in being evicted from the club.

What happened to you, Australia..? Where did you lose your way? 

'We adopt a policy of 'always believe the report' in cases of harassment and feeling unsafe.'

We've all seen where that leads. Why can't you? 

I'm Trying Hard Not To Laugh...

A popular 'pay what you like' vegan restaurant chain will shut its doors for good after running out of cash.

...but I don't think I'm going to manage it!

Mr Fernando's restaurant chain asked customers to pay only what they thought a meal was worth or else they could pay it back through volunteering.

It appears they did, then... 

Several GoFundMe fundraising campaigns had been launched by community members determined not to let the beloved business collapse. One aimed at raising $400,000 made just $3435, but another created in December made more than $15,000.

Pass the vegan popcorn! 

Poor Sod...

Multiple local residents told Daily Mail Australia the suffering man had asked a doctor to amputate his leg, but no medical professional would agree to do the procedure.

...if only he'd wanted his genitals cut off instead, he'd have found all the help he needed from 'medical professionals'.

Case in point...

Baffling Controversies...

Australian TV reporter Matt Doran has made a lengthy, unreserved apology to Adele for...

Calling her fat? Calling her a boring, untalented singer? 

...failing to listen to her new album before an exclusive interview with the singer, calling the bungle a “terrible mistake”.

Eh..? 

Doran was flown to London for the exclusive interview with Adele in the lead-up to the release of her fourth album, which he described as an “unspeakable privilege””.

Wow, really?!? 

“I made the terrible mistake of assuming we weren’t to be given a preview copy of this album because our interview was airing before it was released and Adele’s album was the industry’s most prized secret,” Doran said.

“The day after we landed in London an email came through from Sony, it didn’t mention Adele but it did contain a link to her album.

“The genuine, deadset, hand on heart truth is that I missed it. By an absurdly long margin the most important email I’ve ever missed in my life.”

If that's true, I suspect life has some lessons in store for you...

Doran said throughout the 29 minutes he was speaking with Adele, the singer was “profound” “funny” and “raw”, opening up about her experience with depression and describing it as “end of the world stuff”.

“But all that doesn’t matter because, by missing the album link, however I might try to justify it, I’ve insulted Adele,” he said.

“To Adele I say, I’ve never knowingly disrespected you by deliberately not listening to your work. I am so sorry.

“I also apologise to Adele’s Australian fans and to … our viewers, who through my error have been denied this interview and the insight to her character.”

What happened, Australia? When did you stop breeding Crocodile Dundees, and start breeding this pathetic specimen?