"What, It Means The Same Thing, Doesn't It?"

*sigh*

Are They As Useless As Other Forces..?

*sighs* Left 'autocomplete' on, did we?

Sunday Funnies...

It's frankly no surprise to see Turkmenistan in the top spot, even in such a strong field...

Tweet Of The Month

A tie this month:

And this one actually made me LOL!

Post Title Of The Month

Rambles on the tribulations of getting connected:

Quote Of The Month

Longrider points out the most salient thing about the Cummings Affair:

"However, did he break the law? I do not believe so. Did he stretch the meaning of reasonable? Well, yes, I believe that he did. However, if we are to compare his behaviour with that of Professor Neil Ferguson, there is a significant difference. Arranging childcare does fit within the scope of reasonable, whereas arranging to get your leg over with your mistress does not. Cummings could – and should – have foreseen this and made plans accordingly."

Post Of The Month

Simon Cooke on the utter uselessness of Public Health England, and a welcome return for MacHeath, who lifts the lid on the reason for the popularity of teacher's union enrollment...

H/T: Dave Ward via email

Fanning The Flames...

The usual suspects acting like animals and destroying their own neighbourhoods is a sadly familiar sight these days.

Also becoming rapidly familiar are the middle class agitators cheering them on safely from the sidelines, knowing their streets are safe, their local shops won't be looted and then burned.

I'm assuming Ms Brand (are all Brands shit comedians..? Is it the name?) never quite grasped the concept of 'two wrongs don't make a right'. 

Still, it's OK, because the smell of burning cars won't reach her middle-class haven...

And then we have this:

Can anyone imagine the howls of outrage if the rioters and looters are described as 'animalistic'?

But clearly, being an X Factor winner gifts you a forensic ability with the English language, such that those running from burning buildings with armfuls of looted Nikes are, well, what? Misunderstood youth?

Still, Niall's favourite coffee and pastry shop will still be standing in the morning, so it's all good.

But They Did Beat You, Didn't They...?

Mr Sayner said: “I can’t believe it, the world has gone mad.

“What’s annoying is the police can find the time to knock on the door about a scarecrow and they’ve got all this crime going on.

“Have they got nothing better to do?”

Yes, it's yet another incidence of 'I'm offended' and the state looking to do something about it. In this case, visit the offending party and claim powers they don't actually have:

“I said I could change the colour of the face if that would make it better?

“She said ‘no, it’s not that, it’s the whole Michael Jackson thing and the red PVC suit'.

“I explained it’s the actual Thriller suit. There was a sign underneath that said 'thriller'.

“She said, ‘no, we need it removing.’

At which point, your answer should have been 'No. It breaks no laws'. 

Having taken the Michael Jackson figure down the couple have since created a tableau of Village People performing legendary hit YMCA.

Mr Sayner said: "I thought, 'they're not beating me'. At the moment, when everyone's feeling fed up and a bit down - it’s a bit of fun isn’t it.”

In what way have they 'not beaten you'?

You cravenly did as they asked. They had no power to compel you to do it. They weren't even real police!

A Humberside Police spokesperson said: "We understand that, especially at this time, people are coming together and are wanting to bring light-hearted relief to their communities.

"On Saturday May 23 we did receive a complaint from a local resident who reported they had been offended by a scarecrow on display in a front garden on Compass Road in Hull.

"As with all reports of this nature we want to make sure we talk to everyone involved to look at a way to resolve any situation amicably.

"PCSOs discussed the concerns of the person reporting it to us with the householder displaying the scarecrow, who decided to remove it from their garden.

"There is no further involvement or action that will be taken by police."

There wasn't any to begin with! And until people start to grow a pair and reply with Stephen Fry's response to claims of offence, we'll have uniformed Karens going around thinking they have a licence to bully.

What Does It Take To Make You Do Your Job?

A spokesman for Essex Police said: “We were called at 8.10am on May 17 with reports a woman had been verbally abused by a man in Snakes Lane, Southend, and he had thrown a deckchair towards her dog.

“Officers attended and...”

Arrested the miscreant?

Ha ha ha ha! No. Of course not.

“...gave the victim safeguarding advice.We continue to investigate the incident.”

How, exactly? What are you doing? The lady herself shows more backbone:

“I usually go with my husband and my daughter says I shouldn’t go alone, but why should I be pushed out of where I go every single day.

“I thought I’m not going to be intimidated.”

It's ok, love, the Essex Police Farce will be intimidated on your behalf. All part of the 'service'...

The Seller Would Like To Thank You For The Free Publicity...

Goodness me, what could this b...

*orders twelve*

It's like they've never heard of The Streisand Effect, isn't it?

Usual Breed, Usual Owner...

The incident happened just before 8am on Saturday (May 2) when a mother and her daughter were walking their dog in the gravel pit section of the park, adjacent to Gipsy Lane.

A man approached them with his dog, a grey Staffordshire bull terrier, which was off its lead and the dog began to attack the women’s dog.

The daughter challenged the man who then hit their dog with a metal chain before striking the woman across the face.

What sort of 'man' does this?

A police spokesman said: "The suspect is described as a white man in his mid-30s, about 6ft 2in, of skinny build, wearing blue shorts, a grey hoody and a cap.

"He had facial hair and a silver face piercing."

Say no more...

Then You Failed As A Parent When He Was Younger...

"I'm worried about a lack of motivation - he's not getting up until one o'clock."

Many parents across the UK will empathise with mother-of three Louise, who is worried her teenage son is becoming disengaged from his studies, as schools remain closed due to Covid-19.

"It's hard enough motivating a lazy 17-year-old boy who doesn't really care much about school in normal times," says Louise.

Yes, being a parent is tough, I'm told.

I'm also told that if you indulge them in their every whim until the age of five, you can damn well forget getting them to become decent human beings past that age. Looks like you just learned that.

"They need the interaction with the teacher, a bit more more than, 'Here's a worksheet'.

"I'm worried my son's not going to bother doing any work now before his A-levels next year and frankly, he's having a nice time, he's exercising lots, playing video games, so why would he start working again?"

Why indeed, since you clearly intend feeding and clothing him regardless..?

"It's very difficult for parents to get their children to knuckle down sometimes," says Rebecca Poole, head teacher of Hampton High in south-west London.

"But it's important not to panic. I would say that if it's creating unbearable conflict at home, don't force it.

"As teachers, we will do our best to repair the damage to learning, the important thing is children's wellbeing and safety.

"Families should hear that, they shouldn't tie themselves in knots - we're in this for a long schlep."

Yes, we should let teachers repair the damage. What could go wrong?

It's Deja Vu All Over Again!

Passers-by were horrified when they saw the young child fall to the ground from a flat on Station Road, Rainham, with a 'horrible thud' on Monday afternoon.

Onlookers screamed for help as the child lay motionless, grabbing the attention of the infant's father who poked his head out of the window before sprinting down to the road.

Gosh, I thought, that looks like a story I've heard before...and the photo in the 'Mail' rang bells.

And lo and behold!

In August 2014, an 18-month-old girl survived after falling 15ft from the front of the same block.

This time, no arrests. I wonder why?

'Far Right Sympathisers' Ain't What They Used To Be..!

OMG! Has a British union partnered with such an organisation?

Who is it? The Klu Klux Klan? The Westboro Baptist Church?

Uhhhh... wait. What? Seriously? 

Yes, apparently so. This is  - of course - yet another front in the ongoing Gender Wars. The 'pre-op transexuals are women and should share your young daughter's toilet space, you bigots!' wing has decided that taking on the nation's mums is a sure-fire victory. 

And didn't one of our greatest writers once have something to say about the folly of that? Yes, I believe he did...  

Her contentions are her children,

Heaven help him who denies!

- He will meet no suave discussion, but the instant, white-hot, wild,

Wakened female of the species warring as for spouse and child.

Time, I think, to break this out:

Not As Many 'Poor Choices' As The Justice System...

A woman opened her door to be confronted by a thief who smashed her in the face with a wine bottle. Rebecca Jackson was left with a two inch gash across her forehead in the assault at her flat.

Will the pussy pass come into effect here?

Reader, it will...

At Manchester Minshull Street Crown Court her attacker, 33-year-old Amy Hollinworth, who has already spent seven months in custody awaiting sentencing, was sentenced to six months in prison, suspended for two years.

*sighs*

At the time of the offence Hollinworth, who has previous convictions, was subject to a suspended prison sentence for burglary.

Well, of course was! Aren't they always?

Adam Roxborough, defending, stressed that the attack on Miss Jackson was an isolated incident and involved only a single blow.

So..?

"Since the commission of this offence there has been a determined effort to address an addictive state," he said.

He appealed to the judge to give her a suspended sentence so she can work with organisations to address her problems rather than spend just a few more weeks in prison.

"She has had a difficult life," he said, adding that she was introduced to Class A drugs by a former partner.

"She has made some poor choices."

She's not the only one, is she?

Strange Priorities...

At the time of Mombeyarara’s arrest, Clare Collier, advocacy director at the campaign group Liberty, described the video of him being tasered as “incredibly distressing”.

Presumably, the fact that this 'gentleman' drove his child in an uninsured car, over the speed limit and while intoxicated, then decided to fight the police who stopped him, isn't even mildly concerning.

Mombeyarara’s solicitor, Terence Channer, from law firm Scott-Moncrieff & Associates Ltd, said: “I am advising Mr Mombeyarara on bringing a civil action against the chief constable of Greater Manchester police for the very troubling use of force in this case.

“The IOPC are currently investigating the incident. I understand [they] have obtained crucial body-worn video footage, CCTV, and mobile phone footage, which they are reviewing. My client and I therefore await the outcome of the IOPC investigation with some interest.”

As do we all. Because if they decide there's no case to answer, the look on your greedy faces will be wonderous to behold.

Rob Potts, assistant chief constable at Greater Manchester police, said: “It is important to us that we demonstrate a commitment to equality, diversity and human rights in order to earn the confidence and trust of all our communities (Ed: I thought we had just the one..?),” he said.

“That trust is a vital element in GMP protecting society and helping keep people safe across all our communities. We are involved in constructive dialogue with community representatives in relation to this incident.”

And that's your problem. There should be no 'negotiation' with the criminal community. Which is the community he belongs to. 

The Enemy Within (Redux)

We've always known this, haven't we, fellow bloggers?

But it's nice of Boris and Dominic to drive them so utterly insane that they finally crack and reveal it to everyone:

It lasted 12 minutes before a startled Sir Humphrey was alerted to the inadvertent reveal of their plans, and wrestled the Twitter account away from the holder, whose name we'll probably never know...

But screenshots are like diamonds, they're forever.

And now we all know for certain that the famed impartiality of the civil serpents is a lie, a sham, every bit an illusion as the impartiality of the BBC or the integrity of the Press, or the Hippocratic oath of the medical profession.

Whatever you may think of Boris and Dominic, you can't deny they are great at getting their enemies to reveal themselves...

Does Not Compute!

I don't know what's more disturbing, the fact that there's no real alligator in the pizza, or the concept of 'halal ham'.

Which I'm advised is usually turkey 'ham'...

No, Just The Once...

*sigh*

RSPCA Inspector Claire Mitchell said the male buzzard was still quite feisty when she picked it from the farmer and a local vet found five pieces of shot in it’s (sic) body.

They are planning to release it once it has recovered.

 Shot. From a shotgun.

Sunday Funnies...

Vanity, thy name is (mostly) woman...

If This Is A 'Partnership', It's An Abusive One...

Trident said it operated a partnered approach with residents in the area while supporting its vulnerable guests.

In response to the claims, Trident said: “As an essential service, our frontline commissioned Homeless Services are currently working with people who quite often have complex needs.

"Whilst we aim to support those most vulnerable in Birmingham and the wider Midlands area, we also aim to work in collaboration and participation with people who reside around Washington Court so a partnered approach can take place.

"This way we can ensure we all work together in providing the much-needed help and support to people most in need in our society.”

And what are these people most in need of?

A retail worker, who has lived in the apartments for 12 years, told BirminghamLive: "I've seen them urinating against cars, pulling down people's fences, we've seen them fighting among themselves, openly taking drugs in front of children and drinking in the street.

"There's shouting and screaming at any time of the day, including in the afternoon. The noise from it is atrocious, we had to have security down.

"It's like a war zone sometimes, you can't hear yourself think. The lockdown has made it worse."

Some 'partnership'. What's in it for the decent residents in the area, apart from an open air production of 'The Best Of Jeremy Kyle'..?

Clearly, She Had No Problem Lying Down...

The 39-year-old said she also suffers from a condition called SPD, which prevents her from being able to stand for long periods of time and can cause extreme pain.

She said: "Supermarket staff are doing an amazing job but I just want a bit of courtesy for pregnant women.

"I'm a single mum with three kids and I don't have anyone who can go to the shop for me."

Can't you ask the father(s) of your children?

Vital New Equipment Is Rushed Out To UK Police...

No, no, not stab vests, spit hood and Taser...

Lewis Brown, 18, was arrested by Thames Valley Police after visiting his vulnerable mother to give her money, the Times reported.

But the officers charged him with offences under paragraph 67 of the Coronavirus Act, which only relates to potentially infectious people in Wales.

It beggars belief, doesn't it? Still, the courts will provide a vital check on such abuses of...

Oh.

The teenager pleaded guilty when he appeared at Oxford magistrates’ court on April 20, two days after his arrest.

District judge Kamlesh Rana fined him £100 and ordered him to pay £119 in a victim surcharge and costs.

*sighs*

Thames Valley Police confirmed they had incorrectly charged Mr Brown and the case would be withdrawn.

How good of them! Is a grovelling apology to be made as well?

A spokesman said: “Our officers are out in our communities protecting the public and the NHS by engaging, explaining, and encouraging members of the public to abide with the government guidance. However, where they have seen non-compliance they have looked to use enforcement.

“We can confirm that in this instance Mr Brown was arrested and incorrectly charged under the Coronavirus Act and was convicted after he pleaded guilty to the offence. The Crown Prosecution Service is currently reviewing this case with a view to it being withdrawn.

“Any new legislation brings its own challenges, especially when operating in such challenging times and our officers and staff will continue to work tirelessly to protect the public by helping to reduce the spread of coronavirus.”

That's it? 'It's really difficult to know which legislation applies where'..? FFS!

Harden Up, Then, Princesses!

Police say they were "disappointed" to be criticised by locals as they took a nuisance motorcycle off the streets of Bradford.

Eh..?

The Steerside Enforcement Team tweeted: "Rider seen by us out on the streets in Fagley, @WYP_BradfordE. Stopped and found to be 15yrs old. Reported for several offences and bike seized. Disappointed to hear so many locals criticising us for taking this off the streets."

Oh, FFS! Just get on with your job. No-one cares if your feelings are hurt because you get comments on social media!

Not Cutting It, Judge....

"I have to express public disgust of what you did and the only way to do that is to impose a prison sentence.”

I don't think 26 weeks imprisonment (which we know full well she won't serve the entirety of) really does that, does anyone?

A representative for the mental health team told the court that she is alcohol dependent and has mental health issues linked to opioid use and alcohol use.

She had previously been admitted to an acute mental health ward after overdosing on methadone, but discharged herself after a few days.

It was said she had since been under the care of the home treatment team, but she has refused to give them an address so they weren’t able to go and see her.

Why are these people left free to roam around disrupting the lives of others? Why should we ascribe 'human rights' to someone who has less self-control than an animal?

Abusing That Word Again...

Julie Whitby, prosecuting, told the court the incident happened at the Ranworth Hotel in Pevensey Road, Eastbourne in September last year.

She said: “The victim went up to have some drinks, but noted the large number of bottles and that Martin had been smoking cannabis.

“Martin attempted to kiss the victim out of the blue, which took him by surprise. So he told him to back off, it was not acceptable.

“Later the victim returned to the room to collect a bottle he had left there. Martin indicated that he fancied the victim and that he loved him. Martin’s own partner was still present. Then he launched himself at the victim sitting in a chair, and both men went to the floor.

“The victim was trapped and as he tried to break free, Martin bit his left ear lobe then spat it on the floor.”

Ugh! Well, GBH gets you about two years in the Big House, doesn't it?

Rebecca Upton, defending, said Martin, formerly of Pevensey Road, Eastbourne, had a tough upbringing and has struggled with both his mental and physical health.

He was intoxicated on too much alcohol, cannabis, and prescription drugs and was not in control.

Why is this mitigation, and not an aggravating factor? If I get behind the wheel of a car while plastered and high, it won't be, will it?

Ms Upton said that both Martin and the victim are classed as vulnerable adults.

Huh..? Why?

Judge Waddicor said the attack was “devastating” for the victim and said: “The fact you spat out part of his ear onto the floor reinforces how deplorable your behaviour was.”

But given Martin’s vulnerabilities, she suspended the sentence.

*speechless*

Filth Column

If you're a tourist at Tower Hill trying to cross a road while cyclists blatantly ignore the lights and speed through, would you be able to claim it's a 'challenging road' and request they review patrol plans accordingly?

And me.

"If Only I'd Known...."

"...that a black drugtaking jailbird who I hooked up with on Snapchat might be a wrong 'un."

The pair had begun a relationship after meeting on Snapchat but the behaviour of Robinson soon turned violent, with Ms Herbert describing him as an 'immature egoist'.

Robinson, who has a lengthy criminal record which includes robbery, attacks on prison staff and an assault on his own mother in 2011, would turn abusive if Ms Herbert made plans to go out in the evening.

The 23-year-old also attacked Ms Herbert's sister, Leah, when he met the relative for the first time in October after he had taken cocaine with another male friend.

All on one day? Why, no, reader, it took her a while to realise this was no Prince Charming, as usual:

Between October and December last year, Robinson attacked the [redacted] several times since their relationship began in September.

And this genius does what for a living?

Would you believe, 'youth worker'...

H/T: Dan Saffend via Twitter

Yes, That Is Unfortunate, Isn't It?

Barry Arnett, defending May-Cunningham, said: "My client suffers with various mental health problems and unfortunately she lives in a cul-de-sac with all the named witnesses in this case."

Does she suffer with those mental health problem, or is it all those around her who now have to watch their children like hawks in case she decides to abduct one of them next?

After her initial hearing at the Isle of Wight Magistrates' Court, she was released on bail, but was arrested on March 12 for breaching a bail condition.

On March 13, a further court hearing heard how May-Cunningham had been told not to speak to any of the witnesses who lived on her street, but was arrested after she asked one of them for a lighter.

Incapable of following a court's direction, but heaven forbid she shouldn't have her freedom!

Last Tuesday, magistrates gave Cunningham a one-month custodial sentence for detaining a child, two counts of assaulting a police constable, and use of threatening words or behaviour.

She was also ordered to pay a surcharge of £122 and court costs of £100.

From her well-paying job, I suppose?

Well, Yes. There's Always An 'Infinite Need' For Free Stuff....

“We’ve only really started this operation since the lockdown began. From the various conversations I’ve had with the people that we’re supplying there seems to be an infinite need for food.”

Gosh. Who could have predicted it?

“Originally when we started we wanted to just help the NHS and then from additional feedback from depos and different sources, we’re now looking to transition to a 70-30 split between people in need and the NHS. NHS workers need support and we are supporting them, but I think that people who were in need before are more prevalent in need now. I think a lot of people are looking after the NHS but there’s no one really making a band wagon for homeless people, refugees or children who were going to school without food before the Covid-19 crisis.”

Apart from the plethora of fakecharities that leech off the taxpayer to ostensibly 'resolve problems' for these groups, you mean?

'Concerned Citizens' Ain't What They Used To Be...

The officers were forced to battle back against concerned passersby while patting down a man who was carrying a knife outside Walthamstow Central Station in London.

Why would 'concerned passersby' be harassing the police? What were they concerned about..?

In a video posted online today a woman shouted: Don't talk to me like that. All I've said to you in where's your mask. I didn't say anything else. Put a mask on.'

The video showed a group of women standing near three police officers as they performed a search on a man outside the crowded bus station. One woman said: 'I'm just asking because we are quite concerned.'

How solicitous they are for the welfare of a man carrying a knife! I wonder why?

A police officer asked the women to stay distanced from each other if they were worried about the virus. As he held up the six-inch knife he said: 'Thank you for everyone's concern but this is what he's got in his possession. You're worried about the virus, split up. Split up and walk away.'

Boy, I bet they feel silly now, eh?

Oh.

One of the women said: 'We don't need to split up. You're out of order.'

What did these fragile flowers of concerned femininity look like? Reader, I'm glad you asked:

Good of the caption to identify them as 'women', I wouldn't be too sure...

Maybe we can now see why the police may get a little trigger-happy with a certain demographic who appear to believe that the colour of their skin is a 'Get Out Of Jail Free' card..?

Another of the passersby questioned whether the man's human rights were being considered.

I wasn't aware 'carrying a Rambo knife in the street without hindrance' was a human right, but then, there are so many these days...

And perhaps we should take with an even larger pinch of salt the bleatings of the usual suspects who whine about how the police are 'doing nothing about knife crime' in future?

And point out what invariably happens when they try..?

This Is An Appeal For Chief Superintendent Eddie Wylie...

...the last man alive who can't use Zoom or MS Teams:

BTP confirmed Chief Superintendent Eddie Wylie returned to his home in Holmfirth, Yorkshire from his rented flat in Glasgow on two occasions between March 21 and May 13, but said he did not breach Covid-19 regulations.

Oh..? How not?

It said that on both occasions he travelled home alone and by car to minimise any possible exposure to others.

That's not stopped them turning back people by the score, has it?

In a statement, BTP said: 'Crucially, the restrictions state that people should only leave the place they are living if they have a reasonable excuse.

'This includes travelling for the purposes of work where it is not reasonably possible for that person to work from the place they are living.

'It would not be reasonably possible for Chief Superintendent Wylie to perform his role solely from either the Glasgow address, or his home in Yorkshire.'

Funny, everyone else has managed to work remotely. Why can't Eddie?

Does he not have broadband? Ot a seven year old who can show him the ropes? Poor soul!

It comes after Scotland's former chief medical officer Dr Catherine Calderwood resigned after it emerged she had twice visited her second home in Fife contrary to her own warnings to avoid unnecessary travel.

I bet she wishes she'd brazened it out now!

Something Wrong With Your News Algorithm?

Wait, you'll get it eventually!

There you go!

The 'Mail' - Getting It Right And Wrong At The Same Time...

*sigh* Not a gecko, as your main text shows.

Sunday Funnies...

Thankfully, these are all American!

"He is young. We can't understand how this has happened."

It's quite easy to understand, love.

The man was shot in Haringey, North London, as he jumped over a wall and fell while Metropolitan Police officers were trying to arrest him for drug-related offences.

Seems pretty easy to me, anyway. Perhaps fleeing from the cops isn't a good idea?

David Lammy, the Labour MP for Tottenham, told the newspaper: 'I've met with the family and there is definitely community concern about this incident. We need a full and thorough investigation in how he has ended up with life changing injuries.'

I know you're famously as thick as a whale sandwich, Lammy, but this takes the biscuit.

IOPC director general Michael Lockwood said yesterday that the decision to look at multiple incidents came amid growing concerns about the 'disproportionate' use of the weapon against black people...

Maybe you should look into whether black people 'disproportionately' commit drug crime or resist arrest, or would that raise uncomfortable questions?

Rosalind Comyn, policy and campaigns officer at human rights group Liberty, said: 'The mass roll out of these weapons on our streets is dangerous and must be stopped now.'

Drug crime's pretty dangerous too, isn't it?

"What Are You Rebelling Against...?"

"Well..."

The idea of naming wild plants wherever they go – which began in France – has gone viral, with people chalking and sharing their images on social media.

... 

Presseq told the Guardian: “I wanted to raise awareness of the presence, knowledge and respect of these wild plants on sidewalks. People who had never taken the time to observe these plants now tell me their view has changed. Schools have contacted me since to work with students on nature in the city.”

The concept of 'rebel botanists' gave me a chuckle, anyway. And of course, it's not confined to France. It's happening here:

One anonymous London tree name chalker said: “I’ll keep labelling as I go on my daily walks. I think it’s really tapped into where people are right now.

“Botanical chalking gives a quick blast of nature connection, as the words encourage you to look up and notice the tree above you, the leaves, the bark, the insects, the sky. And that’s all good for mental health. None of us can manage that much – living through a global pandemic is quite enough to be getting on with. But it’s brought me a great amount of joy.”

As has this article, frankly.

How Thick Are Cleveland Police..?

Or maybe that should be 'How lazy and incompetent are they?':

Michael Fisher, 72, was out at around 9am on Sunday with Sansa his young cream Saluki. They were just a few metres into the Marton park when the duo were set upon by two white American Bulldogs and two tanned Boxers (Ed: huh..?) who were off their leads.

Mr Fisher was knocked backwards to the floor as the dogs savaged him, while others set upon Sansa.

Typical owners of these thing, as always:

The father-of-two and grandad-of-two, from Marton, said that the owners of the dogs managed to pull them away before leaving the stricken pair without apologising or giving their details.

A trip to the vets at Coulby Newham followed where Mr Fisher was told to inform the police.

I should think so! This is a cr...

Oh.

A Cleveland Police spokeswoman confirmed the incident had been reported.

She added: "However, there has not been a crime committed and the owner of the dog has been advised regarding civil action."

No crime, eh? Really? What does the Dangerous Dogs Act 1991 have to say about that?

A dog can be regarded as being dangerously out of control on any occasion where it causes fear or apprehension to a person that it may injure them.

What does Mr Fisher have to say about his experience?

"There was a dog on top of me, I thought it's going to take my bloody throat out here, they were growling, they were crackers.

"I went through all those news flashes, people being set upon by their family pet and being killed or maimed."

Sounds like he was experiencing 'fear and apprehension' to me. But then I don't work for Cleveland Police.

Does anyone? Sure doesn't seem like it.

Jolyon Takes Care Of 'The Ugly Stuff' Himself...

Some mornings, you take your first glance at Twitter and it's the same old, same old.

Other mornings, however...

Yes, it's arch fox-batterer Maugham lecturing everyone on animal welfare and morality, with utter shamelessness.

It's Not 'The State' That's Keeping Me Fed And Entertained, Aditya...

...it must be said: coronavirus has not ruined the UK; it has exposed the systemic ruin already here.

That would be the state that discharged coronavirus-riddled patients back to care homes to infect others? Who employs people unable to follow simple guidelines and issue fines without them being overturned? The state whose agents can't understand a simple term like 'homeless'?

The states that's proven itself incapable of keeping things running while Tesco, Sky, Netflix and Amazon go right on doing what they do with barely a blip?

Or does Aditya think that the state would do better with the likes of Starmer at the helm, and Abbott in the Home Office?

The Bank forecasts that 2021 will be the year of the bounceback, the V-shaped recovery. Such a scenario seems to me utter fantasy. Pubs, cafe and theatres will shut by the score, many more businesses will run out of cash and time.

I'm confused, doesn't the 'Guardian' think we spend too much money on fripperies like entertaining ourselves anyway? Won't it be happy that we may all be in our homes eating gruel? 

Hey, Robert, You Spelled 'Illegal Immigrant' Wrong!

Migrants get on a ferry and arrive passport in hand, Robert...

The Home Office confirmed the figures today, with 145 people being picked up by Border Force officials during eight incidents yesterday, believed to be a record number for a single day.

Minister for Immigration Compliance and the Courts, Chris Philp said: “We are all working night and day to dismantle and arrest the criminal gangs who trade in people smuggling. This week, the Home Secretary spoke to her French Counterpart Interior Minister, Christophe Castaner who reaffirmed the commitment to carry out more returns at sea to stop these illegal crossings.”

Well, it's good to know Priti is doing something...such a shame it's only talking to some frog muckety-muck while the Border Force play water taxi.

Harsh, But Not Unfair...

I was reminded of this when the news was running another 'NHS hero down!' story, and it was obvious that, shall we say, the risk factors were high.

Her heartbroken best friend, Sarah Bredin-Kemp, revealed her sorrow in a touching Facebook post about the medic, who most recently worked as a 111 operator, 'She was a high maintenance, foot-in-mouth oversharer with a love of cheesy music, crappy tv and an inexplicable hatred of small animals.'

Doesn't look like her foot was in her mouth as often as small (grilled) animals!

But seriously, why does a service ostensibly dedicated to health appear to have an overabundance of staff who are, to put it bluntly, porkers?

H/T: PNN via Gab

Seems Like A Lot Of Work To Prove The Obvious...

The Independent Office for Police Conduct (IOPC) launched an inquiry in the aftermath of the crash at 1.23am on September 29, 2018, which saw Jahed Islam, 25, lose control of his Mazda and plough into a building shortly after the officer in a marked police car had called off the high-speed pursuit.

Preston Crown Court heard that Islam was driving at nearly two-and-a-half times the speed limit, along Colne Road in Burnley, when he clipped a taxi and his Mazda car struck the building near the junction with Hebrew Road (Ed: *chuckles*), Preston Crown Court was told.

Sadly, only one of the passengers died, and not the driver, because these people seem to have a charmed life...

Last year Islam, of of Burns Street, Burnley, was jailed for 11 years and nine months after admitting to causing the death of Mr Hamin by dangerous driving, causing serious injury to Mr Mr Bhatti and having no insurance.

Wonder if deportation after sentence is an option?

And the IOPC has confirmed it has concluded its own investigation, after obtaining a detailed account from the officer involved, along with a copy of the transcript of the police interview with the driver of the Mazda. They also examined CCTV footage and transcriptions of the radio transmissions between the officer and the control room and reviewed data recorded by the police vehicle as well as the collision investigation report.

What a waste of everyone's time.

The Rule Of Law Means Nothing Anymore...

Travellers turned out in huge numbers to attend a funeral in defiance of social distancing measures designed to prevent the spread of coronavirus.

Oooh, they are in trouble now! The fearless police officers who so bravely deal with those daring to sit on park benches while on their daily exercise will swing into action and...

What?

Oh.

Crowds began to gather at the cemetery in Thornaby, North Yorkshire, from around 9am and so many people came to pay respects that the ceremony planned for 1pm was delayed by 40 minutes, with police watching over the event from afar.

*speechless*

This is not the first instance of mourners breaking lockdown rules to conduct funerals after travellers in Bedfordshire seized the body of a deceased friend and carried out their own ceremony in April.

!!! How come this didn't make the news?!

The group reportedly threatened to burn down the morgue if the body of the deceased was not returned to them so they could bury him.

Isn't the threat of arson a crime? Has anyone had their collar felt?

You know, it wouldn't surprise me if the police would stand and watch the flames 'from afar', too...

And on Tuesday another group packed into Oxbridge Cemetery in Stockton, with police also keeping an eye on the gathering.

I give up.

This Is Utter Insanity!

An unprecedented family reunion rescue flight is due to leave Athens...

Hurrah! Bringing back holidaymakers stranded by closedown, one presumes?

...bringing 52 vulnerable migrants, including several minors, to join family in the UK.

*speechless*

The flight on Monday is the result of intense efforts by refugee families in the UK with the support of campaign group Safe Passage and the peer Alf Dubs. It was organised with collaboration from the UK and Greek governments after direct flights between Greece and the UK were suspended in March.

'Collaboration' being unwittingly the correct term here.

Those on the flight include people from Syria, Somalia and Afghanistan. Safe Passage told the Guardian that many have experienced severe ill-health and all have been in Greece for several months and in some cases years.

I guess that 'don't overburden our precious NHS!' message got lost somewhere in translation...

Better Keep That 'Black Father Of The Year 2020' Award In The Cabinet...

...because Desmond Mombeyarara ain't winning it.

Who he? Why, the latest cause celebre amongst the usual suspects.

“I was saying to the officers: ‘Let us calm the situation for the little one because the little one doesn’t feel comfortable.’

Such touching concern for the fruit of his loins! Say, how did he come to be on the wrong end of a Taser, anyway?

Mombeyarara appeared in court on Friday and pleaded not guilty to two charges of obstructing or resisting a constable in the execution of duty, but admitted a number of other driving charges...

No, we aren't talking about failing to signal, or having a broken rear light.

Despite the fact he had his child in the car with him, he was speeding, drunk, and lacking insurance. Probably why he failed to stop when signalled to do so.

It seems his 'concern for the little one' ends when he gets in his uninsured vehicle. Or when he gets out of it to resist arrest.

What does he do for a living?

He said he worked for the NHS but would not give further details...

Clearly not as a brain surgeon. 

Describing the incident, he added: “I lost consciousness, I was on the floor, I didn’t know where I was … I was disorientated, I didn’t have my glasses on and everything was blurred and my ears were echoing. I asked where my son was and they said he was in safe hands.”

Safer than his father's, that's for sure.

But this has the usual suspects up on their hind legs bleating, and even on Twitter, some normally-sensible accounts seemed to think the cops were in the wrong, ranging from it being dashed unsportin', what? to zap a guy while his child watches, to believing they should have grappled him into submission instead. Perhaps so the kiddie thought it was like TV wrestling?

But no, I'm afraid I'm with the cops. The use of the taser was clearly proportionate. Not that that'll matter one jot or tittle, I suspect. The identity politics mob will demand scalps. I hope the usually-cowardly top brass don't give them any. 

Your Lifestyle Choices Have Consequences

Travellers have told the BBC the coronavirus pandemic has left them struggling for weeks without access to water, electricity or sanitation.

Gosh, even my tiny violin's too big for this!

Josie, also not her real name, is living roadside with her family, including 18 young children, in caravans in London. She said they have had no access to electricity, running water or toilets for more than six weeks.

They had been relying on public amenities and local facilities such as leisure centres, but these have all temporarily closed.

So you live a parastical lifestyle which has now bitten you because the host isn't available? Are we supposed to care?

Well, if we don't, there's always those who make a career out of it:

Janette McCormick, the deputy chief constable at the National Police Chiefs' Council, said a large number of travellers have health issues and authorities should respond "proportionately".

In a letter sent to all police Chief Officers, seen by BBC News, she has encouraged forces to stop evictions in favour of "negotiated stopping".

This involves councils making agreements with travellers to temporarily settle on unauthorised sites in return for better access to healthcare and public services.

So, what does that 'agreement' give us taxpayers? It looks a lot like 'nothing', doesn't it?

Guardian English...

Eh..?

*baffled face*

I Wouldn't Try Milking This If I Were You!

Because it's definitely not a water buffalo! Good old 'Mail'...

Sunday Funnies...

Amazingly, no UK cities feature in this....

Nope!

Yes, I thought with coronavirus we could give Silly Season a miss this year but...apparently not!

Sharon Larkin-Snowden, from west Cumbria, posted the images in the Big Cats in Cumbria Facebook page which she runs to coordinate potential sightings.

Oh, we got a live one here all right!

She told the News & Star: "When I saw it, I just thought straight away 'caracal'."

Really?

Well, I suppose it is cat shaped...

For Sharon, the clarity of the images got her excited. "This has to be some of the best photographic evidence to-date," she said.

"It may not be our panther, but this is one of the smaller big cats.

"These photos are genuine.

"I'm overwhelmed by the response I got off the photos though - I only put them on my page to show other members. I never expected it to go that far."

How far? Attracting all the people telling you you're an idiot and it's just a cat, you mean?

Still Feel Like Clapping Them...?

Hospitals may have broken the law by sending patients with Covid-19 back to care homes without telling their managers they had the virus. The Care Quality Commission (CQC) has been told that several hospitals returned people despite suspecting – or even knowing – they were infected.

Tragically, these patients triggered outbreaks in the homes, claiming the lives of other vulnerable residents.

Staff at the care homes would have not realised they had the virus so may not have been wearing adequate protective clothing or taken other infection control precautions.

The lawsuits that will come out of this will be massive. Can we at least find out which are the guilty parties?

The CQC would not disclose the names nor the locations of those hospitals accused of failing to inform care home staff that patients had coronavirus.

*sighs*

The Department of Health issued separate guidance on April 2 that negative tests were ‘not required’ before discharging people into a care home.

That 'world class civil service', folks! 

VE Day 2020

Well, it's sad to say, but this planned celebration (for which a Bank Holiday was rearranged) won't be as planned.

But whatever you plan to do instead, enjoy it. Because for your today, they gave their tomorrow.

Normal blog service will resume tomorrow...

Modern 'Journalism' Strikes Again....

Reaction from your readers?

If you're thinking that it looks like a cut and paste job from Facebook....well, who am I to disagree?

It's certainly not from comments on the original story!

It's really a mystery why so many local newspapers have taken to running these on your browser, isn't it?

So, does anyone feel a need to fund this sort of 'important journalism'..? Anyone? Bueller?

Well, Why Was He Doing It Then..?

Police told Linda that they would not be taking the matter any further as they believed the driver was not taking part in a malicious attack.

Did they investigate? Question him?

Because if it wasn't a malicious attack, what the hell was it?

Some Good News!

Amazon has confirmed it will cut the price of its Kindle ebooks from Friday, after the government announced it would bring forward plans to stop charging VAT on online publications because of the pandemic.

The decision to remove the 20% VAT charged on online news subscriptions and books will bring them in line with their physical equivalents, which have always been zero-rated.

One wonders what took them so long. And why there was ever an imposition on these in the first place.

“We want to make it as easy as possible for people across the UK to get hold of the books they want whilst they are staying at home and saving lives,” said the chancellor, Rishi Sunak.

But every silver lining has a cloud, doesn't it?

The parent company of the Guardian welcomed the move and said any extra money would go towards supporting the Guardian as it becomes increasingly reliant on direct financial support from readers.

Proving that even if you're bored witless during lockdown, there's some things you just won't read!

Assessing Danger...

The South Wales force had also referred itself to the Independent Office for Police Conduct, but did not say why.

Oh, I think we can all guess. It's not hard.

Locals said the arrested was from the village but now lives with her mother and young son in the nearby town of Porth, Rhondda.

A relative said she had mental health issues and had come out of a psychiatric hospital six weeks ago.

Another triumph for the NHS mental health service, with the police having to pick up the pieces. Literally.

Meanwhile, elsewhere:

A man has died and two people have been seriously injured after reportedly being attacked by a rampaging water buffalo at a farm in South Wales.

Well, at least you can spot the danger when a water buffalo is heading for you...

Well, What's Going To Stop Him Then, Judge?

Judge Swinnerton told him "...you cannot go around behaving like this to perfectly innocent people trying to do their best in very, very difficult circumstances."

Because it's clearly not going to be the pathetic sentences the court hands out:

McCormick, of Woodchurch Lane, Prenton, Wirral, admitted intentionally causing harassment, assaulting an emergency worker and breaching a suspended sentence.

He's a thug who doesn't care who - or what - he attacks, as a glimpse at his lengthy record shows.

His previous convictions include injuring a four-month old Staffordshire Bull Terrier called Ty so badly he had to be put down in December 2013.

The then 22-year-old either deliberately pulled apart Ty's legs or swung him with force against a wall, experts ruled, leaving the animal so wounded it screamed when a vet examined him, after McCormick had done nothing to help the stricken pet.

Doing nothing seems to be his byword, especially when it comes to the instructions of the court:

He was jailed for 24 weeks in October 2014, consecutive to a 20-month sentence he was serving for battering his ex-girlfriend, despite at the time having a copy of a court order to stay away from her in his pocket.

It doesn't sound like a lot, does it?

This was later reduced by four weeks on appeal.

/facepalm

At the time of this latest hospital incident he had a nine-month suspended sentence hanging over him, for an affray at San Carlo restaurant.

There's only one 'suspended' sentence an animal like this deserves...

Is That It...?

A police spokesman said: “Police received a report stating that on April 23, at about 9am, on Shelley Avenue in Sudbury whilst out jogging, a 37-year-old male saw a dog belonging to a woman being attacked by another dog.

“The male intervened but was bitten by the offending dog. No injury was caused. (Ed: huh..?)

“But when he asked for the details of the female owner she was abusive.

“The suspect has been identified and words of advice will be given.”

Why bother asking for more powers to deal with dangerous dogs if you then decline to bother using them?

Why Is She Just 'At Risk'..?

When are we getting around to deporting her? Never?

Josephine arrived in the UK as a student from Nigeria 14 years ago, renewed her student visa and then received a post-study work permit. But her application to remain in the UK on a longer term basis was refused in 2015 with no right of appeal. All her attempts to reapply since have failed, meaning she is classified as an undocumented migrant and at risk of deportation.

But not much risk, it seems, since no-one appears to be ensuring these people leave...

All in all, Josephine is tasked with surviving off £100-a-month. Some of that goes on her phone contract. It has to, she explains, because it is her lifeline to access more food and more support.

“I keep getting emails from people, charities and organisations, so I need to keep the phone running.”

It's these organisations and charities that are keeping her here, in violation of the law. Why are they not considered accessories?

It raises the question of what support there would be for those in Josephine and Thomas’s situation in these unprecedented times if food banks did not exist, and if charities and communities had not built the most basic of safety nets.

It’s a question she does not like to dwell on. “I started thinking about this and it got me worried,” she says. “It’s really tough because if I didn’t have the support I was getting now I don’t know how I would survive. I really don’t know.”

I don't suppose the answer would ever be 'back in Nigeria', would it?

I'm Guessing He Won't Do It Again...

A criminal with a lengthy record spat at police officers who arrested him after he was spotted with a knife. Thomas Morgan threw the weapon away as he fled from police in Ilkeston.

When officers stepped in he fell to the floor and was injured, requiring hospital treatment.

But after he was treated the 25-year-old tried to escape again, only to be apprehended, reports Derbyshire Live.

'Apprehended' with extreme prejudice!

Joe Harvey, mitigating, said his client has a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia who on the day of the offences had carried the knife as he’d had some recent trouble in the community but “had no intention of using it”.

He said: “I had the pleasure of representing Mr Morgan at the police station and his face was a mess.

“A very significant amount of force was used against him and he was certainly dealt with very roughly by the police.”

*rummages*

Ah!

Gritty New Remake Of 'The Beano' Is Hardcore...

Shouldn't have asked Guy Ritchie to direct...

"Journalists, Find Me The Ultimate Quarantine Love Story..."

"Sure thing, boss!"

"Idiots! You're all fired!"

H/T: dearaunty via Twitter

Sunday Funnies...

Rather topical, all things considered...

You Have To Admire The Utter Cheek...

Mr Easthope told the court that what happened was completely out of character, that Ali was well respected and helped others.

 Apart from when he gets behind the wheel and nearly kills someone, you mean?

He said the incident was 20 months ago, that Ali had since been employed in medical administration and that if he wasn't sent to prison he would have the opportunity of working at the Nightingale Hospital.

The one that doesn't yet have any patients? And...wait, why are we wasting a qualified doctor on administrative duties?

The court also heard that in July 2019 Ali was suspended for six months by the General Medical Council over a matter of dishonesty in relation to his application to become a medical practitioner.

Ah.

Ali was ordered to do 180 hours unpaid work, pay £23,100 in compensation and costs and was banned from driving for 18 months.

The judge didn't mince his words, either.

In passing sentence Judge Richard Bond said: 'The language you used was absolutely disgusting.

'You were so heartless you did not look around. You intended to hit him. You are a man I find hard to sympathise with.

'You deliberately drove at an old man contrary to all the public hopes and expectations of a man who had trained and qualified as a medical doctor.

'You have shown no remorse whatsoever. That really is a pity from a man in your position.'

The judge said Ali was someone who 'blames others and it is never him' and during his trial had tried to claim that he had been the victim of some sort of conspiracy involving the Highbury Park Friends group.

I think the judge is somewhat mistaken about how the public views people like Ali, mind. It seems that losing your rag and using your car as a weapon is very much in keeping with his particular demographic.

"Bad Cops, Bad Cops, What Ya Gonna Do..."

...especially the four legged kind:

PC Paul Sheldrake, 38, has denied being in charge of a dangerously out of control dog which caused injury in a public place.

The officer's black German Shepherd police dog, called Cain, allegedly attacked Marianne McRae while with her pet in Arun Park, Chelmsford, Essex.

Whoops! I take it she wasn't running away with one big padded sleeve on at the time?

He pleaded not guilty to the charge during a ten minute hearing at Ipswich Crown Court today and was given unconditional bail.

His trial which is due to last two days is due to start on July 20.

That long? Why? Or will it be quietly swept under the Coronavirus Carpet..?

The prosecutor told magistrates that Cain was a serving police dog at the time of the incident.

But not, thankfully, now!

Jamas Hodivala QC who is representing PC Sheldrake described the case as 'an unusual prosecution' at the hearing today.

Really?

The court heard that the defence had asked for information about the Essex police force's dog handling policies.

If he's a serving police dog handler, shouldn't he know what those policies are?