Tweet Of The Month

October brought Christmas carols early...

...and a blast from the past!

Post Title Of The Month

Tim Newman back on form and effortlessly taking pole position...

Quote Of The Month

Bill Sticker on Boris:

"One note about Boris Johnson. This man has hidden strengths. Anyone who watched the old news parody show ‘Have I got news for you’ when he took over the hot seat will be in no doubt as to how thick his skin can be. Both sides of the fashionably lefty panellists used to rip into him something cruel, yet he maintained an air of self deprecating buffoonery and good nature against the cruellest barbs that could be thrown his way.

I notice these things. I think a few more people do as well."

Post Of The Month

Farenheit211 on the increasing ridiculousness of the police.

Scum Killing Scum...

A driver who “used his car as a weapon” to plough down a Brent Council worker has been jailed for 15 years for murder.

Did he have a dispute with the council, then?

Camisan Emanuvel, 36, of Ilford, struck 27-year-old Gopinath Kasivisuwanathan with his Audi A3 in Alperton in the early hours of April 16.

The attack stemmed from a dispute between two groups who had arrived in the area brandishing weapons including poles, sticks and bottles.

Ah, so the council worker was just caught up in the melee then?

Sarah Dale, from the CPS, said: “This death stemmed from planned violence between two groups of men who had driven to Alperton intent on a violent confrontation.

Nope, guess not! He was one of the opposing thugs!

Ms Dale said: “Our thoughts remain with the family and friends of Mr Kasivisuwanathan.

“I hope this conviction provides some comfort to them.”

Why should we do that? If they'd raised him right, he'd have been somewhere else that night.

You're Having A Laugh!

An inquiry by the government’s equality watchdog has condemned universities for being oblivious to the scale of racism on their campuses.

Being oblivious? They never stop fretting about it, surely, as David Thompson's blog constantly reminds us....

The Equality and Human Rights Commission’s report, has been widely welcomed for highlighting universities’ complacency on tackling racism.

'Widely welcomed' by the usual suspects, I presume? But what are they actually complaining about?

But the body has also been criticised by leading academics of colour and student leaders for examining what it describes as the racial harassment of white British students and staff alongside the racism suffered by their black, Asian and minority ethnic peers.

Ah.

So let's all be lectured by these preening racehustlers, shall we? First up:

Heidi Mirza, visiting professor of race, faith and culture at Goldsmiths, University of London says "Everyone wants to feel a victim in some way and this is the discourse around race that’s emerging at the moment. That it’s all about name calling and how it’s offended you, so that’s the focus of this report."

Because that's reality. That's what your ideology has led to...

Priyamvada Gopal, a reader at the faculty of English at Cambridge University says "I was struck that the report refused to use the word ‘racism’, plumping instead for the rather more specific ‘racial harassment’. It’s deeply inadequate and almost wilfully evasive. It is perfectly possible to experience racism without experiencing direct harassment. It is also perfectly possible for institutions to have widespread culture of racism without it always taking the form of racial harassment."

"Just because no-one's discriminating against us doesn't mean we don't feel discriminated against, bigots!"

Nicola Rollock, a reader in equity and education at Goldsmiths, University of London says "If, following the definition in the Macpherson inquiry into the murder of Stephen Lawrence, we understand institutional racism as a “collective failure to provide an appropriate and professional service to people because of their colour, culture or ethnic origins”, then one would be hard-pressed to understand how the EHRC’s findings can be defined as anything other than institutional racism."

That 'if' is doing far too much work fort my liking...

Three women who have ridden the tiger of identity politics to positions of power now lecturing everyone, like Humpty Dumpty, on what words mean.

I Just Rolled My Eyes So Hard They Nearly Fell Out Of My Head...

In a moving statement, she said: "My family have told me they believe Hudson will kill me one day.

"I've told them should that happen I'm not in any pain and I'm at peace.

"I've made my decision to stay with Hudson and I pray that he will change."

Who are you praying to, I wonder?

Hudson, of Fairy Cove Terrace, Hartlepool , initially denied the assault to police saying the allegations were lies. He said he would never hit her, "loved her to bits" and she was the "love of his life".

He later admitted assault causing actual bodily harm, with a 2014 assault on a partner among his 32 offences.

They deserve one another.

Matthew Collins, defending, said ... Hudson's behaviour could be "corrected before it descends into an irretrievable character trait".

Newsflash, Matthew. It already has. Long, long ago.

The judge, Recorder Patrick Palmer, told Hudson: "Surprisingly... she wishes to maintain her relationship with you.

"I've considered whether or not I can suspend your sentence. I cannot. You deliberately stamped on this woman when she was on the ground."

Hudson burst into tears on a prison video link as he was jailed for 18 months.

Like all violent bullies, the only genuine emotion they ever feel is self-pity.

There Is Some Hope...

Another day, another reminder that the police farce in the UK is hopelessly compromised:

...chiefs at one force are warning officers that they may be upset by ‘swearing’ and ‘offensive language’ in training exercises – and that they should contact their supervisor if they find it all too much.

No, I know what you're thinking, but it's not April 1st!

The move – part of a trend for so-called trigger warnings normally associated with ‘snowflake’ university students – has been met with derision from hard- bitten cops.

One officer joked on Twitter: ‘If this language is not acceptable to you please go directly to the safe space where the duty inspector will bring you a nice snuggle blanket and a cup of tea ... after that hand in your warrant card as you’re no ******* good to us.’

I do hope that officer was anonymous, or it'll be them out on their ear!

But which farce are we talking about here?

The language warning comes as part of an online exercise devised by Hampshire Police and aimed at both officers and civilian staff.

Ah. That explains things!

It is understood the warning was issued following a complaint by a distressed junior officer.

Who, hopefully, did not pass probation.

Hampshire police were approached for comment but did not reply.

Probably too distressed and upset by the reporter's question....

It's To Be Expected...

A former east London councillor has been warned he could face jail for a decade-long housing fraud that was uncovered while he was in office.

The place...? Where else? Tower Hamlets.

Boy, were you ever wrong, Ben...

Muhammad Harun, 49, remained on the Tower Hamlets social housing list while owning a property within the borough and another in neighbouring Barking.

Harun, a solicitor, cost the council about £125,000 which could have been spent on housing vulnerable families for the duration of the con.

And look at his associations:

Judge English (Ed: *chuckles*) warned him he faces jail because of the length of time the fraud went on for and the number of housing claims he made.

One to watch...

H/T: PresumingEd via Twitter

Vital That You Reach The Answers You Want, You Mean...

Hmmm, OK. I'll bite. Go on...

Our immediate reaction is usually shock, and a desire to prevent things like this from happening again. A kneejerk response is to demand tougher controls: more security infrastructure at the borders; tougher punishments for the people who try to make these journeys and those who facilitate them.

Well, errr, yes. What else should we demand?

Yet such disasters do not happen because of a lack of border control – they are the price of it.

And it seems most people - certainly far, far more than the tiny coterie of Open Borders advocates - are happy to pay it. Can't say I'm surprised. I'm happy to pay it, too.

These people aren't refugees - they are illegal immigrants desperate to come here to make as much money out of the country as they can. They know full well that what they are doing is breaking the law, and they just....don't...care!

So why should I?

The illusion our politicians perpetuate, or buy into, is that migration can be switched on and off like a tap, according to the wishes of voters or the demands of the economy.

But it can. If we control our borders.

Britain did not experience a “refugee crisis” in the way that other parts of Europe did: in 2015, as asylum applications rose across Europe as a whole, the UK’s share of applications actually fell.

It fell because they decided it was better to try to get here illegally. They don't care about the risks, as they willingly admit:

A major new study by the United Nations development programme illustrates how complex the answers can be: in interviews with nearly 2,000 people from Africa who travelled to Europe for work, via some of the world’s deadliest migration routes, more than 90% said they would do it again. In the most part, they were not suffering abject poverty, but had experienced inequality and injustice, and wanted more from their lives.

And were happy to break the law to do it. Are these the sort of people you want to see us take in more of?

By asking these questions, we recognise that the people who suffer at our borders are not simply passive victims, but individuals making decisions and trying to retain control of their lives. Only then will we stop treating this issue as a problem to be ignored or suppressed, and start to talk about how we might reorganise our system around people’s needs.

Why on earth would we organise our whole system around some law-breaking stranger's 'needs'..?

It's suicide!

The Better Question: Are The Majority Of Labour Politicians Morons?

It is the latest policy question to split the upper ranks of Jeremy Corbyn's Labour Party – are the majority of male giraffes gay?

*blinks*

The bizarre row started after Dawn Butler, Labour's Shadow Secretary for Women and Equalities, gave a rambling after-dinner speech defending the teaching of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender issues in schools, in which she told the audience that an overwhelming majority of giraffes are sexually attracted to their own gender.

Good grief! Did they promote this moron simply to make Diane Abbott look smart by comparison?

This drew an angry response from Lachlan Stuart, Mr Corbyn's senior adviser on domestic policy, who used Twitter to cite several scientific papers that challenge Ms Butler's claim.

He could have just pointed out that giraffes are quite plentiful instead, surely?

No Laughing Matter - Please Read

Good morning all readers. Those of you expecting the normal light hearted Sunday fare will be disappointed. Today will not feature typos and headline mishaps from the media.

Today will just feature this.

Please read. And then tell me if you too think that a UK Police 'service' that indulges in these practices, more reminiscent of the corrupt old Soviet Union, or some backwater African country run by some despot, is the police force you were brought up to regard as the envy of the world..?

And if you think 'Ah, it's just the bloggers getting stirred up about this stuff, no-one else cares, or takes it seriously', it's not. Others are waking up to the state of our police and criminal justice system, others who reach far more people than this little blog:

There is no country in the world more tolerant than this one. Yet time and again in the past 20 years – and never more so than since the referendum – we have been slandered and smeared.

Political campaigners have used bogus statistics to push their own political and sectarian interests. It is time that people named and shamed the smear-merchants.

Sadly, Douglas, to do so is now to invite arrest and harassment by the State.

If the police and criminal justice system actually wanted to foment hatred and contempt for minorities, then do tell me what they'd be doing that's different from what they are doing...

What's The Point Of Sussex Police?

Tyler Strudwick was taken to hospital with concussion after being attacked by another pupil at Portslade Aldridge Community Academy last Monday.

Eleven-year-old Tyler’s parents claim the school did not inform them he had been attacked – instead saying he had bumped his head.

Typical. Still, at least there's always the police to rely o...

Oh.

When Tyler, of Fishersgate, reported the incident to the police he was told it was not a police matter.

Assault isn't? Really? I knew they'd become lazy box-tickers, but I didn't think it had gone this far!

Sussex Police said in their response to Tyler: “Due to this occurring on school premises in school hours this needs to be taken up with and dealt with by the school. Unfortunately this is not a matter for the police.”

If he'd misgendered someone, though... whoa, nelly! Blue lights, sirens, and 'GO GO GO!'...

Sussex Police confirmed they would not investigate matters at schools.

So even when the press shines a light on them, they still stick to their guns?

PACA head Mark Poston said: “We have investigated thoroughly. We want all students to move on and make better choices.

“Out (sic) agenda is always to help students reflect and learn.”

But not to protect them against physical assault? Or to demand that the police do their job?

Seems like a school to avoid, then.

A Rare Victory!

A former poster girl for Scotland Yard who lost 33 race claims against the police watchdog is now facing trial for ‘recklessly’ disclosing information about victims.

Yup, it's her again!

It is said that she ‘knowingly or recklessly’ broke data protection rules by downloading sensitive files relating to victims and witnesses from the watchdog which is now known as The Independent Office for Police Conduct (IOPC).

The case brought by the Information Commissioner is due to go to trial in February.

But that's not the victory of which I speak (though hopefully it'll be another win against this race-hustler).

Separately, this week an employment judge ordered the former detective to pay £5,000 in costs for her ‘misguided’ claims against the IPCC, which wasted £50,000 of taxpayers’ money.

The lawyers who represented her have also agreed to pay £40,000 in costs and apologise for pursuing what was described as an ‘exceptional waste of time’.

How refreshing!

In her judgment published this week, the judge noted that Miss Howard was broke and said she was suffering from ‘severe anxiety’.

Good!

"It's Only Taxpayers Money..." Pt 48932574

West Sussex County Council bought it in February last year for £20,850 with the intention of surveying buildings, claiming it was one of the first authorities in the country to do so.

It also planned to lend it to firefighters to scout out countryside blazes and use its thermal camera at night to respond to fires more quickly. At the time, the then council leader Louise Goldsmith said investing in the drone would “save lives”.

Fifteen members of West Sussex Fire and Rescue have been trained to fly the drone, costing the council £12,353. An additional £2,753 was spent on insurance, a grand total of £35,956.

 Well, money well spent if it saves one life, right?

...a council spokeswoman admitted it had not been used since it was bought.

“We acknowledge there has been a delay in using the drone,” she said.

“We have faced a number of difficulties mainly around licensing and, as a result, we are reviewing its future use.”

*grinds teeth*

Rights For Dogs On Canvey..?

Dogs Trust, the UK’s largest dog welfare charity, has weighed in on the debate ahead of a council meeting next week – where councillors are recommended to approve an order to keep dogs on leads on beaches between April 1 and September 30.

It's a growing concern.

Last time only 11 per cent out of 731 people who responded backed a ban.

This time more were in favour of a ban or use of leads than not – although responses were down to 285.

The ones who didn't respond were probably fed up with the council's lack of action...

The charity’s letter read: “...the Dogs Trust would urge the council to consider the Animal Welfare Act 2006, that include the dog’s need to exhibit normal behaviour patters (sic) – this includes the need for sufficient exercise, including the need to run off lead.

...

With phone calls often being made to the RSPCA and police alterting (sic) to dogs being left in hot cars in coastal areas, we would urge you to consider the danger animals may be put in, and the difficult desicions (sic, again) owners have to make, by not being allowed to take their dogs onto the beach. Dogs Trust would encourage looking into a compromise between beach goers and dog owners, e.g allowing dogs onto the beach in the evenings or early mornings.”

What sort of country puts the 'rights' of animals above the rights of its taxpayers?

Well, This Is Refreshing!

To many in an older generation, the rise of esports rings alarm bells. Reports of children spending an unhealthy amount of time and money on games have become commonplace. Even Prince Harry offered rare public criticism earlier this year. “That game [Fornite] shouldn’t be allowed,” he said. “It’s created to addict, an addiction to keep you in front of a computer for as long as possible. It’s so irresponsible.”

Oh, great! Another demonising of gaming coming up, courtesy of the dear old Grauniad...

But wait!

Yet while fears around the rise of esports abound, in bedrooms and internet cafes around the world games such as League of Legends, Dota 2 and Fortnite have become a cultural phenomenon, bringing young people from different regions and religions together and bridging divides. Slang, inside jokes and dance moves flow out of them as if they were a proto-society.

...

Their popularity may be about to eclipse traditional sports, but they actually perform a surprisingly similar function, for a younger age group, to the one fulfilled by football terraces for their parents and grandparents. Because what draws us to these games isn’t the need to feed a compulsion. In most cases, it’s kinship – a very ancient and tribal desire to be part of a group, and one that forms the basis of any team sport.

Well, well, well!

There are detractors, usually of the 'waah! big corporations!' type, but mostly, it's overall a positive article. I guess every blind squirrel does find an acorn...

Beware The Wrath Of The Pensioners!

An 85-year-old woman who was threatened with police at a Croydon Council meeting has spoken out about the upsetting experience.

“When the councillors voted to approve the flats I stood up and said ‘excuse me I am the 85-year-old lady that lives there’ and when Toni Letts said ‘sit down madam’, I said ‘no I won’t, because I have no-one to speak for me so I am going to say my piece’.

“I think I got angry when she said ‘I am getting angry now’.

“I thought, ‘you’re angry? I am angry, it’s my home’.”

Of course it's your home. It's never going to be Toni's, is it?

On Tuesday (October 1) Paul wrote to complain to the council on behalf of his mother and says that since then he has been told the incident would be referred to the council’s ethics committee.

I expect the commentariat is rather unsympathetic, as they often tend to be.

But wait!

Still, could be worse! 

This could get interesting!

This Is Why There's Widespread Contempt For The Justice System

At the age of 12, Lewis Graham entered a woman’s house in Westcliff and threw paint over her carpet, causing £400 worth of damage, and spelt out his first name with the paint.

He left the paint pot he used in the woman’s kitchen. However, police did not pick up Graham until this year - a full decade after he caused the damage.

Well, those wheels of justice might grind slowly, but they do grind after all...

Graham, now 22, was asked by police to come in for a voluntary interview earlier this year, which he accepted, and during the interview admitted to causing the damage.

Police issued him with a caution and instructed him to go on a victim awareness course and pay £80 in costs.

Paltry. But this little swine thought even that was too harsh!

However, yesterday, Southend Magistrates’ Court heard Graham believed this to be “stupid”, because the offence was so long ago, and chose not to attend the course, resulting in police then officially charging him with criminal damage to property valued under £5,000.

Heh!

Penny Simons, mitigating, said: “The defendant told police that he did carry out this damage when he was 12, he could just about remember it. He said it was a stupid, idiotic and childish thing to do.

“But he thought the whole thing was stupid and made the decision not to do the course, as this had been left and left for so many years.”

Ms Simons argued that Graham should have a complete discharge of the crime due to the amount of time it has taken to reach court.

Surely that won't...?

Oh.

The magistrates bench chose to give Graham a conditional discharge for six months, meaning if he commits a crime during that time he will be punished for that and the carpet damage.

This means he received a lesser sentence than he originally got from the police.

*sighs*

Well, The Trouble Is, There's A Lot That Would!

The Royal Parks has issued a warning to parents asking them to stop putting children in harm’s way by posing with deer during rutting season.

In 2018, a girl took a picture next to a rutting stag and was injured in Bushy Park and in 2017, someone was injured and hospitalised after suffering injuries from a male deer in Richmond Park.

Morons.

Adam Curtis, the Assistant Park Manager for Richmond Park said: “These incidents almost exclusively happen when people ignore our 50-metre rule and get too close.

“You wouldn’t go on safari and take a selfie with a lion - the same logic should apply here.”

I think you show a touching faith in the ability of people like this to use logic that's just not borne out by the facts!

“My advice is to be inconspicuous, and if you want to see rutting deer in action then take binoculars.”

Don't be silly, Adam, you can't get a selfie with binoculars!

We Should Start By Calling It What It Is...

...not 'bullying'. Assault:

Jake was out of school for three months and the bullies were expelled after the two attacks which happened on consecutive days.

Just expelled? Where was the police action? Why are they not facing criminal charges?

Answer: because calling it 'bullying' conjures up pictures of childish petty squabbles. What this child suffered was Actual Bodily Harm.

And it should have been treated as such, not dismissed with bureaucratic waffle:

A spokesman for the de Ferrers Academy, where Jake was a pupil at the time of the attack, said: 'The academy has a range of strategies in place to minimise bullying and clear procedures to address it should it occur.

'We operate an entirely non-teaching support and guidance structure to ensure that pastoral staff are always available should a student need to report an issue.

'This is supplemented by inclusion centres on each campus and staff who provide counselling, should the need arise.

'As part of our safeguarding review with the local authority, we have also introduced an email student helpline for bullying which guarantees a response within the day.

'All bullying incidents are recorded and reported to the local governing body.'

Such a lot of meaningless guff, amounting to 'Yes, well, we've ticked all the boxes, what more do you expect?'...

Trolling Level: Expert!

Well done, Southend Council!

On the day designated to draw attention to the needs of homeless people and ways those in need of help can be supported locally Southend Council left notes on belongings giving a deadline for them to be moved or they would be thrown out.

Because of another of the plethora of 'named days' that plague us now, all normal action should stop?

Who could possibly...

Oh. Right.

Zoey Smith, 35, co-founder of One Love Soup Kitchen in Southend said: “I think what the council is doing is disgusting and makes me so angry.”

*rolls eyes*

“These people need help and support.

“Two hours is not long enough for people to move their items and is completely inappropriate.”

So offer them space to put their stuff in your soup kitchen, Zoe.

“I know last year we had reports the council was removing tents and we made a fuss and the council started treating homeless people better.

“Our volunteers are also very angry about what has happened.”

Not as angry as shoppers who now have to sidestep even more of these drunk & drug-addicted parasites that seem to infest every square mile of Southend, thanks to do-gooders like you and HARP...

A spokesman for Southend Council said: “It is probably most important to stress that we work very hard to prevent people from becoming homeless in the first instance, and once homeless do all we can to provide accommodation.

“Unattended items being left in public areas has been an issue for the borough for some time and needed addressing, for a number of reasons, including safety and security.

“We keep smaller items, including bags and personal belongings for 72 hours, giving the owners time to collect them. We unfortunately cannot store larger items.”

Over to you then, Zoe, and your army of volunteers. Let's see you doing something useful, for once.

Sounds About Right...

Also the fitness of Andy Ford and the impeccable morals of Fiona Onasanya...

The wife of former England footballer Wayne Rooney claimed someone using Rebekah Vardy's Instagram account had been leaking stories about her.

She shared how she came to find out about the scheme on social media.

In a tweet, Essex Police suggested those with similar abilities consider joining its fast-track detective scheme.

Social media is the most deadly threat the police face. By which I mean, letting any of them get their hands on a Twitter account!

Mistakes Happen, Yes...

..but what's the real reason for this?

The force said it would not be issuing an apology.

Hmmm, for what, exactly?

Jamie Cole-McCue, 44 spoke of his “total shock” when officers surrounded his car and levelled what he thought were machine guns at him and his girlfriend.

He said the armed response officers forced him to the ground yesterday morning outside the supermarket in Arundel Road, Brighton, believing he had a firearm in his car.

“About four officers armed with guns charged out and surrounded the car on either side. They pointed the guns at our heads and screamed ‘stop the car or we’ll shoot’.

“They pulled me out of the car, knocked me to the floor so my belly was on the ground and cuffed me. All the time their guns were pointed at my head. I’d done nothing wrong. I’m still in total shock.”

Mr Cole-McCue, who lives in Brighton, said the officers searched the car for guns – but found only the couple’s two poodles in the back.

Anyone else find it a bit odd that the police are adamant they won't issue an apology?

"Have you tried rebooting the system..?"

No MSM or local newspaper mishaps or misspellings this week, but have a video instead:

 

Normal service will hopefully be resumed next week.

Sunday Funnies...

To be fair, they all sound improbable...

It's Schrödinger's Suspect!

He's either dead or alive, depending on whether you open Gwent Police files or not!

A police force which wrongly assumed the prime suspect in one of Britain’s greatest political scandals was dead has made the same blunder again.

Gwent Police first declared two years ago that Andrew Newton was ‘deceased’ following an investigation into the plot to kill Liberal leader Jeremy Thorpe’s ex-lover, Norman Scott.

But they faced embarrassment when The Mail on Sunday discovered Newton, 72, living under an alias in Surrey. Detectives were forced to admit their error and rushed to the house, only to find he had vanished.

Gwent Police hot on the trail... 

OOps! Still, they are keen to 'learn lessons' in these instances, aren't they?

Now, in response to a formal complaint from a former Cabinet Minister about their ‘inept’ handling of the case, police have repeated their astonishing mistake.

After a six-month probe, Gwent’s Professional Standards Department rejected the complaint, saying in a letter: ‘Many key individuals are now deceased, including Andrew Newton.’

But laughing off the claim, Newton’s former girlfriend Patsy Frankham insisted yesterday: ‘He is alive and well.’

And last night, Mr Scott, 79, said: ‘How can I have any confidence that this investigation has been taken seriously? It’s as though justice is some kind of game.’

If it is a game, Gwent Police are playing without any dice or a board...

They Always Turn On You....

...even when you grovel, abase yourself and award them undeserved honours and titles:

“Had that been a block full of white people, they’d have done everything to get them out as fast as possible.”

Doreen Lawrence believes racism was a factor in the response to the Grenfell fire.

But London's Fire Brigade denies there was any aspect of racism in its response. pic.twitter.com/ShW5XyG881

— Channel 4 News (@Channel4News) October 18, 2019

Personally, I wouldn't piss on Doreen Lawrence (she's no lady) if she was on fire.

A Statistic....

...I have now become one. A crime statistic, that is.

Last night, I decided, coming out of my local Tube, as a bus was just pulling in, to take the short ride one stop closer to my house. Why not? It was raining, and it wouldn't cost me anything.

And in the heaving queue, I felt something bump my bag. I reflexively checked it - all OK, and got on the bug. In the instant between getting my pass out to flash at the driver and putting it back, another bump. This time when I went to put my pass away, I thought something felt wrong. Stupidly, I saw 'Where's my phone!?' And a man standing by the bus door said 'That Romanian kid took it' and pointed (to what? I could see nothing..) and before I could do or say anything else, the bus driver - who would have heard all this, and said and did nothing, shut the doors and drove off.

So, passwords all changed, crime report made (Oooh, I have a crime number!), service provider aware, new SIM on the way, new phone to buy and set up, and that's that. Just another story of London crime. No biggie, right? Just move on. It's not like it had sentimental value, right?

But now I'll never feel quite the same about crowds and bus queues again. I'll regard anyone standing too close with suspicion.

And I thought I loathed and despised crime and criminals before this. Now, there's nothing so violent, so abhorrent, that I'd consider it too extreme a punishment. Sharia law? BRING...IT....ON!

Blogging and Tweeting will be light for a few days.

He's Seen One Person A Lot, Though....

A man was found with a gas-powered gun, cannabis and £9,000 cash in bags after he was spotted getting into a car by police.

Jamie Cunningham was seen getting into a Vauxhall Astra after leaving a house belonging to a 'Mr Holden' in Blackburn that drugs officers were keeping a close eye on.

Whoops!

Isobel Thomas, defending, said her client had a lesser role in the overall operation. She said her client had mental health problems and described himself as an 'emotional wreck'.

She said: "The main thing that keeps him going is his four-year-old daughter, she lives in Ireland, she spends time with him in the holidays.

"He does not go out much or see many people, he lives fairly isolated existence."

Really? I wonder wh...

Ah! Clearly, the one person he does see a lot of is the local tattooist!

Recorder Killeen said: "You took the bag away for him (Mr Holden), intending to make sure any police did not get it.

"There was no evidence of drug texting on your phone, no evidence to say you were dealing.

"I have taken the view that there is significant mitigation and a serious prospect of rehabilitation."

You've got to be kidding!

No, Love, Your Life Isn't Over...

A dog owner says her life "is over" after her beloved pet was ordered to wear a muzzle in public purely because of its breed.

...well, not until this sort of thing happens. So get a bloody grip!

"She is not an aggressive dog", Anita added tearfully. "But because of her breed, she's automatically deemed a danger.

"You can get aggressive Labradors or German Shepherds, it's almost like racism."

Bloody hell, now even dogs are using the RaceCard!

"So, You Want To Come To Work At The Guardian, Daily Mail Photo Editor?"

"Are you an expert on the natural world?"

"Oh, yes, definitely!"

Return Of The Homophones....

*sighs*

Sunday Funnies...

Having been nearly run down by red-light running cyclists once too often, I think I'd rather have the volcanic eruption....

So, You're Retiring, Eh?

Here's your signed card from the office, a little gift, ands...oh, would you like a last opportunity to make a statement you didn't have the guts for when you just started in the job?

You would? Splendid!

Food should be banned from public transport to stop people snacking on the go, the Government's outgoing chief medical officer has said in her final report.

One hopes the incoming chief medical officer has noted the scorn poured on this by so many commenters and newspapers...

Dame Sally Davies, nicknamed the nation's 'nanny-in-chief' for her bold public health interventions, today delivers her most radical proposals to date.

When no one needs listen to her any more. Fine. I certainly won't!

'We know that snacking is a cause of excess calories in children and adults,' Dame Sally said. 'Years ago we didn't snack - we sat down and ate. I would stop all food and drink except water on urban public transport.'

Yes, she'll allow you water. How munificent! But who is going to enforce this?

She said it would be up to the Government how this would enforced, but added: 'We are a law abiding nation. The vast majority of people would observe it, as they did the smoking ban.'

That might once have been true. Back when 'no-one snacked on trains' (almost certainly at a time when there were smoking carriages, but never mind...). But if she thinks it's true now, she's lost more than a few marbles.

Boris Johnson is opposed to introducing more levies on items high in salt, fat and sugar. In his Tory leadership campaign he said he would review what he called 'stealth sin taxes'.

We'll see. 

Should've Gone To Specsavers, Officers...

A spokesman for Essex Police said: “The officers also used the red dot function of their Taser due to the initial perceived threat the item the man was carrying may have presented.

“Once he had been detained it was established the item he was carrying was a pair of shears and he had been trimming some hedges.”

Hundreds of CCTV clips showing her praying were sent to police, who decided to charge her with harassment.

But when Mrs Jacklin, 53, appeared before Hastings magistrates, the court took less than 15 minutes to throw the case out, to the relief of the mother-of-two and her children.

Sussex Police said: 'The prosecution had been authorised by the CPS. We are not in a position to comment further.'

Remember when our police were admired the world over? I do.

"I'm Willing To Take The Chance This Will Happen To Someone Else..."

James Sexton, the owner of the Rottweilers, was accused of being in charge of a dog dangerously out of control causing injury.

The 40-year-old, of Sycamore Street, Ashington, pleaded guilty to the offence at South East Northumberland Magistrates' Court. His pet could have been put to sleep as a result of the incident, however a plea from the victim not to put it down persuaded magistrates to spare its life.

Well, the 'victim' couldn't plead anything, being dead.

But its apparently brain-dead owner could...

In a statement to the court, Archie's owner, who had him for around eight years, said the incident terrified her and she was devastated by the loss of her pet. However she did not want the Rottweiler to be put down.

She added: "I love animals and never want to see any animal suffer or put down.

"It's my wish that this dog is not put down." She instead said its owner should ensure it was kept in control, especially in public.

So you're quite sanguine about someone else's pet being mauled to death when - as is inevitable - he doesn't?

Some 'animal lover'...

Not Much Of A Mystery, Really...

Mr Rosser added that it was “a mystery” that Tuppein had evaded the courts for so long.

Really?

Mitigating, Gareth Hughes said that Tuppein had fallen into drug dealing as he was a user too.

He added: “For the racial harassment, the defendant was in a hospital bed, he was in pain and said things he wouldn’t have said normally.

“Due to the warrant for his arrest he couldn’t find proper work or apply for benefits.”

Another example from the legal system of killing your parents and demanding clemency because you're now an orphan!

Tuppein, of Octavia Road, Isleworth, appeared at court via video link where he was still using crutches due to his injury when trying to escape.

Caused when a member of the public threw an object at him when he trespassed in his garden.

Judge Ian Graham sentenced Tuppein to six years in prison, saying jail time was “the only way” for him to pay for his crimes.

Well, well, well! He won't serve it all, of course. But here's at least one judge who's no fool.

Chancers...

Plans have been revealed to convert a historic pub, believed to be up to 400 years old, into a religious culture centre.

Yeah, we all know just which religion, don't we?

South Essex Islamic Trust has purchased the former Barge Inn, High Road, Vange and is now fundraising for £250,000 to cover the full cost of the site.

The charity refused to comment on the plans but posted about it on its website.

Because it seems their ambitions outstrip their resources, so they are forced to beg for the balance.

“The purchase was £450,000 plus VAT of £90,000 and stamp duty of £12,000 which equals £552,000.

“South Essex Islamic Trust has already collected funds of up to £300,000

“A deposit of £45,000 has been paid by the trust to secure the purchase, which we could lose if the remaining amount is not paid.

“We need your support to raise £250,000 by October 4.”

But it's done quite a done deal, even if they do raise the balance.

Aidan McGurran, Labour councillor for Vange said: “Whoever has bought or ends up buying the Barge site will have to submit plans for consideration – it is not necessarily a case of delivering whatever the landowner wants.

“It seems there is some doubt still over whether the successful bidder will be able to raise the required funds in time – it is a very tight timescale – so we will have to see what happens.”

Another one to watch.

Are You Hoping For A Bulk Discount Then..?

A Premier League star who has admitted doing 89 miles per hour in a 40mph zone now faces two more speeding charges.

Hmmm...

Crystal Palace striker Christian Benteke, 28, has already pleaded guilty to speeding in his £130,000 black Bentley Bentayga in Putney.

The Congo-born Belgian international, was due to be sentenced at Lavender Hill Magistrates Court on September 27.

But Quentin Hunt, representing Benteke, applied to adjourn the hearing to link it with two other speeding allegations, one with Thames Valley Police and the other with the Met.

Wait, what could he hope to gain by this?

The hearing was adjourned until November.

Maybe we'll find out then.

Shame They Don't Teach Personal Responsibility...

Parents were shocked to get a text from their children’s school saying their bad parking had caused a near miss during the morning drop-off.

The text said two pupils were almost hit by a car outside the school gates on Thursday morning.

School-run motorists are the worst, there's no question.

The school run is a heated topic at Seahaven Academy in Newhaven, where there are building works, and teachers have tried to stop parents from dropping their children outside the gates.

But parent Daniele Clark, 47, blamed the school for the poor parking situation and criticised the “inconsiderate” text.

Wha...?

She said: “You get that text and you’re wondering if it’s your child.

“I don’t think a text is appropriate. It’s inconsiderate.

“I hope the kids’ parents at least got a call.

“There will soon be hundreds more students and hundreds more cars with the new junior school.”

God forbid any of them walk, or get the bus...

Grandmother Tarina Breeds, who lives in the same road as the school, said those driving their children in were at fault.

She said: “It puts my heart in my mouth when I am crossing the road with my grandchildren, it has become so, so dangerous, with double parking, speeding, and parking on the roundabout – because they insist on driving the kids to school.”

The kids that will no doubt be learning all about 'man made climate change' in class, and never seeing the irony...

I Wonder What He'd Have Got If He'd Hit A Magistrate's Child...?

Claire Dunn’s son, Jack, 13, was cycling to school in January when he was hit by Andrew Lancaster, 22, who overtook traffic as Jack used a zebra crossing at Hobleythick Lane, Westcliff.

The Southend High School for Boys pupil smashed his face open on the ground and was knocked out.

At Colchester Magistrates’ Court, Lancaster admitted driving a vehicle on a road without due care and attention.

Is that all he was charged with? Another example of CPS laziness, I guess...

Lancaster, of Brightwell Avenue, Westcliff received a fine of £166 and was ordered to pay court costs of £90. He also got five penalty points.

And no compensation order for the injury or damage to the bike? No wonder the mother is furious:

Claire, 41, said: “I cannot begin to say how disappointed I am with the magistrate. Five points and a fine does not reflect the circumstances or the physical and psychological injury inflicted upon my 13-year-old son.

“Had Jack not have been wearing his helmet, the outcome could have been fatal. To run into a child who is crossing a zebra crossing should result in an instant disqualification.

It’s disgraceful to think this man continues to use our roads.”

Yes. It's also disgraceful to think the magistrate continues to sit on the bench.

Well, Boris, How About It..?

Basildon Council leader Gavin Callaghan confirmed the cost to clear up the mess at Queen, Elizabeth Park, Billericay - following the illegal site on August 26- was £1,052.

When you add up the cost of police and council staff time, that's probably a very - ahem - 'conservative' estimate...

Kerry Smith, deputy leader of Basildon Council, understands residents’ concerns when it comes to using taxpayers’ money to clear up the mess.

The councillor for Nethermayne Ward, said: “It’s taxpayers’ money.

“No one wants to pay for people who don’t want to keep the area tidy.

“Flytipping costs the council £70,000 a year.

“Those responsible need the book thrown at them.”

They do indeed. And we all know why they don't get it.

Councillor David Harrison, chairman of the neighbourhoods and public spaces committee, added; “We would urge them to clear up after themselves.

“When travellers come onto public land, the council have to clear up after them.

“There’s no getting away from that.

“People would complain if we didn’t get rid of it.”

No-one's suggesting you don't, are they? They are merely suggesting that some way of recouping the costs of doing so from the culprits needs to be found.

Mark Francois, MP for Rayleigh and Wickford, is hopeful incidents like this could be prevented by what is called the Irish Option.

This involves criminalising trespass - currently a civil offence - which would mean extra powers for authorities and police to move illegal sites on.

The MP, in a letter to Lib Dem councillor for Rayleigh James Newport, claimed this could become part of the Queen’s Speech - which details a list of bills proposed for the next Government.

Here's one for you, then, Boris. Will you step up?

Why Should He? He Won't Pay It...

Three-year-old Leon Bulner and dad Karsten visited a Londis store with two-year-old dog Fern but said they were told the animal was not allowed in after two ‘disgusting’ exchanges.

When Mr Bulner tried to explain that his son has moderate to severe autism, he said the cashier at the store in Hampshire village Weyhill, near Andover, told him ‘no dogs, end of’.

After going back the following day to explain the situation to the manager, he added that he was ‘basically thrown out’ and told that only dogs for blind or deaf people were allowed.

He retorted that the shop wasn’t following the law, but Mr Bulner said the staff member replied that it was ‘Londis law’ and that he ‘didn’t care’ about a potential fine.

The company will be fined, not him personally. So of course he doesn't care.

The store’s parent company has since apologised and said they will update their policies.

They need to sack the culprit and retrain all their staff.

This Never Happens At Glyndebourne, Does It..?

BBC Radio 1Xtra's live show has had to be dramatically called off after violence erupted in the Birmingham venue. Police had to treat a man for a slash wound after an altercation backstage on Saturday night at the show...

I wonder what sort of music..?

...where Wizkid, Aitch and DaniLeigh were part of the lineup scheduled to perform.

Nope, never heard of them! I guess Google will have to tell me what I suspect.

*Googles*

Ah, yes. Suspicions confirmed!

Then Treat Them Accordingly...

A senior Scotland Yard officer warned that XR protesters were putting a bigger strain on police resources than the terrorist attacks of 2017.

If you adopt the tactics of terrorists, then that is how you should be treated:

Activists have been told to buy ‘burner’ SIM cards for their mobile phones so they cannot be traced.

They have been armed with detailed instructions on how to encrypt phones and laptops and hide all forms of communication from police.

This includes replacing traditional messaging apps such as WhatsApp with others including Signal and Wire, with ‘the potential for increased anonymity’.

They are telling anyone arrested during the protests to refuse bail in a bid to fill up all of London’s police cells. Police will then find it extremely difficult to arrest any more rebels during the fortnight of disruption because they will be forced to send them to cells outside London – draining them of vital resources.

The group claims to have 4,442 people who are prepared to be arrested, while there are just 683 police cells in London across 27 custody suites, according to 2017 Metropolitan Police data.

It's direct defiance of the law.

The police should have cracked down hard in the first place, rather than embolden these domestic terrorists. Now they, and the public, are paying the price:

XR is also planning to converge on London City Airport, blockade Smithfield meat market, target transport routes into the City of London, and project images on to the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben.

It's going to be an interesting fortnight.

It's A Sticky Situation...

And one Labour politicians so often find themselves in!

H/T: Mike Gooding via email

Must Have Been A Boxer...

Yeah, the old ones are the best!

Sunday Funnies...

Usually, it's the other way around...

'A Parallel Life' Indeed, Bonnie....

A BBC Question Time audience member clashed with author Bonnie Greer last night after she claimed it is 'bad being a foreigner' in Britain at the moment.

She didn't mean herself. She meant 'a friend', as they always do.

The American-British playwright claimed her Polish friend could no longer speak to her daughter in her native tongue on public transport because people abuse her.

Hmmm, really?

I rarely hear English spoken on my early morning commute. And yet, no-one turns a hair. Most have their heads buried in a copy of the 'Metro' or their smartphones and Kindles.

No....one.....cares!

But the man in the audience in Wallasey, Merseyside, criticised the allegation during the debate, saying she was 'labelling the whole country as being racist'.

Well, of course she is. It's all she's famous for, after all. And once upon a time, she'd never have been challenged on it.

Times have changed, Bonnie.

Surely You Already Know The Answer..?

It's because his boss got away with killing an innocent Brazilian electrician and was promoted to the highest rank possible.

After that, anything goes in the thoroughly discredited Met, clearly...

In 2016, retired High Court judge Sir Richard Henriques produced an excoriating report on the failings of the inquiry in general, but vital sections (43 in all), including the shortcomings of individual detectives, were redacted.

Yesterday, the largely uncensored version was published, and it could not have been more critical of former DAC Rodhouse – of his judgment, of his decision-making and of his professionalism, which ultimately resulted in £2.5million of public money – and 16 months – being spent on the say-so of a single ‘source’, the now convicted fantasist Carl Beech, aka Nick.

He's the fall guy, and deservedly so, but the rest of his team hardly cover themselves in glory:

One crucial lead was a ‘corroborating’ witness called Fred. ‘The DAC,’ said Sir Richard, ‘reiterated the need to explore all options regarding Fred.’ Yet data that could have established his whereabouts and identity was never examined.

‘This is a classic demonstration,’ said the judge, ‘of the difference between investigating and believing an allegation.’

It turned out after Operation Midland was closed in 2016 without any arrests that Fred was Nick using another email address.

Basic investigative policy thrown overboard due to the prevailing climate at the time. So why isn't some criticism falling on those who spread the policy of always believing the victim? 

People like Kier Starmer and Alison Saunders, who steamrollered this policy through, ensured it spread throughout all branches of our so-called 'justice system' and who never faced any consequences either.

They are just as culpable. As are the politicians that saw them into their roles and never uttered a peep. I'm looking at you, Cameron and May.

"It's The Council's Fault, Innit..?"

A furious home owner is demanding the council installs CCTV in his street after thieves broke into his home and stole his car.

Hmmm, well, better CCTV would certainly help with identifying burglars after the fact, but is it really a deterrent?

The resident, who asked to remain anonymous, said he and his partner were asleep at the time when crooks raided their home in Westcliff Parade, Westcliff.

The thieves soon sped off in the man’s Audi A4, also taking with them a laptop and Amazon Kindle tablet.

Perhaps if the council did put up CCTV, people could rest safe in the certainty that, once they'd done their bit by locking up their hou...

Wait.

The victim said: “We had a little window open in one of the rooms and they crawled through and took a laptop, car keys, the car and my kindle.

“We are now more aware of making sure everything is locked up and safe and we’ve to change all the locks on the doors too.”

/facepalm

How Could Anyone 'Compromise' Such A Useless Legal Process..?

Remember this story and Police Scotland's demand to let the legal system handle it?

Animal campaigners say justice has not been served for a Dundee puppy believed to have died in mysterious circumstances after a man convicted of its theft appeared in court.

Andrew Alexander, 35, was fined £250 this week after being convicted of stealing the dog from a property in Park Avenue.

 If that's how the legal system 'handles it', no wonder people would rather serve their own justice...

The little dog was last seen safe on July 16 at the home of family friend Kelly Deuchar, 36, who had been looking after her.

She left the animal in the care of Alexander, who was her flatmate, and went out to do some shopping.When she returned, the dog was gone.

Nor does this scumbag confine his crimes to animals:

Alexander, who now lives in London, denied stealing the dog but was found guilty of the offence on Friday at Dundee Sheriff Court.

He was also found guilty of assaulting Ms Deuchars on a separate occasion by seizing her on the body, placing her in a headlock and spraying an unknown irritant in her face.

He got another £250 fine for that.

Avoiding The Obvious...

Coroner’s officer Kirsty Roberts told the court Mr Gardiner had a medical history of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and self harm. She said: “He was reported as missing to the police and officers found him hanged on May 6.

“A postmortem examination on May 16 at Basildon Hospital gave a cause of death of hanging.

“Toxicology reports showed he was under the influence of cannabis and also found therapeutic levels of morphine, codeine and clonazepam and death was confirmed at the scene.”

Seems pretty cut and dried then. What do the experts say?

Temporary Inspector Darren Beer attended the scene and gave evidence at the inquest.

He said: “I got the call about Jack, who I knew through previous roles.

“I put him as a risk missing person, meaning there’s a risk of harm to himself or others.

“Based on the information I was given at the time there was nothing to suggest any third party involved or any suspicious circumstances, and I stand by that.”

Open and shut case of suicide, then, surely?

Caroline Beasley-Murray, senior coroner (Ed: Oh oh..!), recorded an open conclusion for the inquest.

She said: “We just don’t quite know what was going through his mind.”

Really..?!?

The Usual Suspects Pt 8735941

The images of five suspects who are wanted over an 'abhorrent' homophobic attack in a KFC restaurant have been issued by police.

Tattooed skinhead right wingers, surely? After all, we are constantly told they are the great threat.

The first suspect is described as black, wearing a black beanie, grey tracksuit, with dark elbow patches and a gilet-type jacket.

The second suspect was a light-skinned black male with a 'chin strap' beard and of a tall muscular build.

The third male was black, wearing a hoodie with white scribbles on it.

Another suspect was seen wearing a dark navy tracksuit with multiple white stripes on the legs.

The fifth suspect was of larger build than the other men, with curly, short hair, green tracksuit trousers and a black puffa-style jacket.

Oh....

Burying The Lede...

Jeannette Carroll, 51, was near Flatts Lane County Park in Middlesbrough with five dogs when she was brutally attacked by the random assailant.

She initially tried to calm the man down after he shouted at her, but he launched a savage punch to the face - knocking her unconscious for 20 seconds, she claims. A park ranger tried to intervene before he was also allegedly punched by the man.

 Gosh!

Ms Carroll said: "It was totally unexpected.

"I had gone over to reassure him, if people are nervous I will put the dogs on a lead.

"I didn't see the punch coming - when I woke up I was covered in blood."

 Hmm, shouldn't they be on a lead and under your control anyway?

She said she has to keep walking dogs to earn a living but is now afraid to do so.

Ah! I think we can see how this went. And guess why the gent was so irate.

Had his own animal mauled by one of her charges, or stepped in something unpleasant left by one, perhaps?

Does it excuse violence to a woman? Maybe not. But it possibly explains it....

Despite contacting police around half a dozen times, she claims an officer still hasn't been out to see her and take a statement about the serious assault. She claims that an officer was rude to her on the phone and "a letdown to the police".

Even they are fed up with people's mouths writing checks their body can't cash, it seems.

Sometimes, It's The Best Question You Can Ask...

Lifting the curtain on what it is like working with Mr Cummings at the heart of government, the minister told MailOnline: 'In meetings, it's a lot like having a small child in the corner - ''Why? Why? Why?''

'Things we all take for granted, he wants to take to pieces and start again.'

 How have those 'things' been serving the country so far? Maybe it needs changing...

And despite this unnamed minister claiming to 'lift the curtain' on Cummings, what he actually shows  us is himself.

'He's not in the bubble like the rest of us, he doesn't know anyone - like an ordinary person.'

Heh! I bet the 'Mail' reporter could barely restrain a laugh at that!

'I suppose it's a good thing in many ways. You look at things with fresh eyes. He is always very polite, doesn't interrupt and then just makes his point.

'There's no shouting or anything.'

Can't even manage a bitter hatchet job with a friendly press, can you? Doesn't that just sum up the nonentities Boris has in his cabinet?

"Siri, Please Define 'First World Problems'.."

Isn't AI wonderful...?

The Only Surprise Is That It's Not Judge Samantha Leigh...

Due to the prolonged and dangerous nature of his driving, the force control room discontinued the pursuit only for officers to be alerted that he had crashed near Chalkwell Park minutes later.

Witnesses described Turner as being distraught and asking his girlfriend to get out of the car before fleeing the scene and hiding in a nearby bush where he was later found and arrested.

Recorder Caudle added: “You shouted at her to get out but she couldn’t because she was trapped. You then abandoned her when police arrived and fled the scene.”

His girlfriend, who witnesses say could be heard sobbing, suffered serious injuries including a cut to her head and a broken pelvis and was trapped in the car for more than an hour. Once she had been freed, she was rushed to Southend Hospital. Medics felt there was sufficient concern about her injuries, which were initially considered life-threatening, to transfer to a specialist unit at the Royal London Hospital.

Yikes!

Turner, of Ness Road, Shoebury, admitted eight offences of causing serious injury by dangerous driving, driving under the influence of drugs, possession of cocaine and cannabis, failing to stop and report and no insurance or licence.

This chap'll not see daylight for a long time, surely?

He was sentenced to two years in a young offenders’ institute suspended for two years.

He was also banned from driving for two years, made subject of a four-month curfew and must complete 120 hours of unpaid work and 40 days of a rehabilitation activity.

*blinks*