There Are Plenty Of Foolproof Methods

All it takes is the courage to stand firm against the squeamish:

Last night, we entered uncharted territory when Christa Pike survived Tennessee’s effort to execute her with lethal doses of pentobarbital. It was the first time someone received a drug intended to kill them but did not die.

There would always have been a first time somewhere and sometime, but that doesn’t invalidate the sentence. 

Robin Maher, the executive director of the Death Penalty Information Center, told the New York Times: “This event is the worst we’ve seen and unlike any other botched execution in the modern era … There is no precedent.” Moreover, there is almost no precedent for what should happen next. Whatever fate awaits Christa Pike, one thing is clear. The state of Tennessee should not be allowed to try to execute her again.

Why not?  

Beyond that, it is time to give up on the fantasy that this country will ever be able to find an execution technology that is safe, reliable and humane. We have not found one yet, and we never will.

We've found plenty, what we’ve lost is the will to carry it out, because we think if we make it bloodless the bleeding hearts will stop campaigning..

What happened to Pike was gruesome. No one deserves what she went through, not even those who commit horrible crimes.

Really. Let’s remind ourselves what she did to get it, shall we? 

“Pike lured Slemmer to a wooded area near the University of Tennessee’s Agricultural Campus with the promise of marijuana. With the help of … [her boyfriend], Pike tortured Slemmer before beating her to death with a chunk of asphalt. A pentagram was also carved into her body.”

Leaving out, as many left-leaning media did, that she took a piece of the murdered girl’s skull as a trophy.  

Ruining Every Aspect Of The Justice System...

 ...that seems to be David Lamentable's real goal:

Childhood criminal records could be wiped under plans being considered by David Lammy. The Justice Secretary is considering simplifying the current system to prevent people from being affected by petty crimes in later life. It comes after evidence showed that people in their 50s, 60s, and 70s still had offences of street fighting and bike thefts in their youth disclosed to employers.

So not content with plans to ensure the safeguard of a jury of your peers isn't available to you in the future, he wants to ensure that employers can't avoid hiring people they wouldn't hire if they knew their background? 

Rachel de Souza, the Children's Commissioner, previously said judges should have the power to wipe criminal records of people who had 'done their time' for silly crimes committed as a child. Last year a 13-year-old girl admitted to threatening violent behaviour after she kicked a glass door at an asylum hotel. The offence will stay on her record for life and will be disclosed if she works in a job with children.

As it should be, no doubt. In modern Britain, being less than welcoming of the new Predator Classes is the greatest crime of all, isn't it? So much so that the filth will hunt YOU down if you object too strongly:.

so basically what I’m gathering from this is that a brown guy was harassing three women, they lashed out because they wanted him to go away, and now they’re being hunted by the police for doing a racism because they wouldn’t let the brown guy harass them endlessly pic.twitter.com/2t1kOcv0vC

— pagliacci the grinch 🎄🎁 (@Slatzism) December 11, 2025

I Already Have A 'Pussy Pass' Tag...

...do I need a 'pony pass' tag now too?

A horse-riding instructor who had a threesome with an underage girl has been jailed for five years while his showjumper girlfriend who also took part has avoided prison. Guy Simmonds, 37, from Monmouthshire, had sexual intercourse with his partner, Lauren Jarvis, 26, and the 15-year-old girl in January last year. Jarvis willingly took part and touched the victim sexually, and afterwards the pair agreed to keep quiet about it.

Then why on earth was she shown such leniency? 

Jarvis was handed a 12-month prison sentence suspended for a year and ordered to complete 15 days of rehabilitation work. She was also placed on the sexual offenders register for 10 years and given a restraining order of five years.

She must have had a solid defence! 

Julia Cox, representing Jarvis, said pre-sentence reports had identified her client as being susceptible to 'suggestibility and pressure' and due to her low intelligence was incapable of living on her own.

Oh, or not! 

'Without that influence and direction as far as Lauren Jarvis is concerned, that offending would not have happened,' she said. 'The pre-sentence report author identifies the vulnerabilities of Lauren Jarvis to manipulation by others and exploitation.

Ah yes, without the man she wouldn’t have been steered wrong! 

Miss Cox urged the court to impose a suspended sentence, adding: 'There will be a detrimental impact upon her family, particularly her mother.'

Well, so what? Doesn’t Guy also have a mother? 

Crime DOES Pay After All...

 Surely not? Oh, yes, Reader....

Danielle Longstaffe was spared prison last December because she was pregnant, after defrauding her firm out of huge sums.

'Pleading ones belly' is alive and well in 2025... 

At the time, Newcastle Crown Court heard the fraud was to the value of £370,000. Now, at a Proceeds of Crime Act hearing, it was said the benefit figure was £920,285.20p. Her "available amount" was £221,818,50, which she must pay back within three months or face two years in prison in default.

Why only part of it?  

At her sentencing hearing, the court heard she carried out the fraud because she was being chased by loan sharks.

Ah, because presumably they have the rest of it, and since loansharking isn't illegal, cannot be persued for it. 

A judge said he had to have regard to Longstaffe's unborn child while sentencing her and she avoided the prospect of having to give birth in prison when she got a suspended sentence.

Which will become a jail sentence when she fails to pay it back. Because we all know she will.  

So Do I, Louise, So Do I....

Louise Hart believes education is key. 'Every year, 35,000 dogs under the age of three are put to sleep for behavioural issues,' she says. 'At Dogs Trust we want to improve that figure.'

Me too. But I want to see it go UP! So many dangerous unsocialised mutts in the hands of careless or actively unsocial owners.

These idiots, however, are firmly in the 'Awww, poor doggy!' crowd, of course...

'When a dog bites, it really is the last resort for them and a lot of our resources for people of all ages are about reading body language. Learning, for example, when dogs are showing fear, like having their ears back or their tail between their legs, and knowing there is potential danger around that.'

Yes, because when your child is savaged by some chav's pitbull-substitute, it's your fault - or theirs - for not reading the signs. 

Those sentiments are echoed by Debby Lucken, who has also founded Kids Around Dogs, an association of dog and childcare professionals set up to educate children in how to be more 'dog-savvy'.

'I feel that the owners themselves are not learning enough about dogs,' she says. 'Dogs speak to us all the time, but we need to learn their language in order to understand what makes them upset and, ultimately, scared.

'Almost all dog-related incidents are due to dogs being pushed to their limits.'

Really..? What pushed this one, overwork? The fact so many bad guys he'd caught escaped justice?  

Reheated: Culture Clash Part 2

Long time readers may recall this story from 2011. Now there's a follow up:

An ex-policeman whose 16-year-old daughter was fatally stabbed through the skull by a teenager using a steel comb says he is horrified that she could be free in weeks.

Rebecca Douglas was aged just 15 when she was dubbed the 'afro comb killer' after brutally attacking rival Julie Sheriff, but now MailOnline has learned her case has been referred to the Parole Board.

Reader, you know you've been blogging for a long time when killers you commented on are up for review! 

A spokesperson for The Parole Board said: 'The parole review of Rebecca Douglas has been referred to the Parole Board by the Secretary of State for Justice and is following standard processes.'

I'm sure it is. But isn't that the problem? 

'Parole Board decisions are solely focused on what risk a prisoner could represent to the public if released and whether that risk is manageable in the community.

'A panel will carefully examine a huge range of evidence, including details of the original crime, and any evidence of behaviour change, as well as explore the harm done and impact on the victims.'

Well, she won't have stabbed anyone else while behind bars, but isn't that more lack of opportunity..? 

"There are more questions than answers..."

Edd Hetherington, for Maximen, told the court his client had suffered a developmental disorder that was a combination of a learning difficulty and a communication disorder.

Judge Hart said there was no 'logical explanation' for his offending and said it was not due to 'any recognised mental illness or diagnosed personality disorder'.

He added: 'There is no logical explanation for any of your offending other than that you are a highly dangerous young man with a wholly distorted view of life and appropriate conduct.

'It is not due to any recognised mental illness or diagnosed personality disorder and I can only conclude that it is simply because, for whatever reason, you are just like that, perhaps as a consequence of the impact of your earlier life experiences and the difficulties under which you labour.'

He doesn't appear to have come from a broken home, so what 'earlier life experiences' the judge is referring to is a mystery. 

And nor is there any reference to cannabis use, which appears so often in stories where young (often black) men launch ferocious assaults on complete strangers.  

Jailing Maximen for life with a minimum term of 12 years, Judge Hart described him as a 'highly dangerous' man.

The judge added: 'There is no way of knowing when, if ever, you will cease to be as dangerous an individual as you are now and as you were in October and November 2019.

'You continue to deny, albeit somewhat half-heartedly at times, your offending and there is no way in which your dangerousness can be satisfactorily addressed or remediated.'

He committed the murderous assaults at the age of 17, In 12 years time, he'll be 29. Still capable of violence. 

Shouldn't he be locked away until he's no longer physically capable of violence? 

Senior Investigating Officer, Detective Chief Inspector Kristina Windsor, said: 'The very thought of being randomly attacked by a stranger with a knife in your own home or while sat on a public bench is terrifying and I'd like to praise the immense bravery and courage all the victims and witnesses have shown.

'I'd also like to reassure the public that attacks of this nature are extremely rare in Avon and Somerset.'

But they appear to be increasing if you look at the country as a whole. Shouldn't someone be investigating this phenomenon? 

Or at the very least, the phenomenon of why certain victims seem to want to display the sort of reflexive cringing and obsequiousness that I find even more scary than murderous attacks by strangers.

And The Mother? Isn't She Culpable?

A man has admitted ramming a pair of pants full of human excrement down the throat of a child after the boy 'had an accident'.

Stanley Haywood, of Cirencester, pleaded guilty to assaulting the youngster at Swindon Magistrates' Court on Tuesday.

Good god! 

The child was later taken to Great Western Hospital by his mother where he was assessed for his injuries. He was found to have sustained bruising to his cheek and the back of his throat.

Any normal woman would have first made sure this vile waste of oxygen was in no shape to do anything like this again.   

In an interview in custody, he told officers he did not remember most of the incident but he was “disgusted and horrified” at his behaviour.

He was “very stressed” at the time and disclosed that "his father used to do the same to him when he was young", Mr Ballinger added.

At the time of the offence, he was already serving a community order imposed by Cheltenham Magistrates’ Court for possession of a bladed article in a public place.

So...why was the mother shacked up with this thing in the first place? 

He attended court with a psychiatrist, who told the magistrates his service user has a “complex trauma history” and has never received any treatment for his obvious mental health issues.

Christ, love, was he the best you could do? 

Mark Glendenning, defending said: “He is devastated that he has acted in this way and is ashamed of his actions.”

Adding that he is a recovering drug addict who was “desperately struggling” at the time.

It gets better and better, doesn't it? 

Labelling the vile attack as “very humiliating” for the victim, magistrates sentenced Haywood to a three-month prison sentence, but suspended it for 18 months.

And that's the cherry on the top.  

Yes, Starmer Can Claim To Be 'Tough On Crime'...

...well, apart from that whole Jimmy Savile thing, Frances. Oh, and the Rotherham thing too...

Some 371 people died in prison custody in 2021 – the equivalent of more than one a day. Many of these deaths were coronavirus-related. Tragically, 86 took their own lives, up from 67 the previous year.

*shrugs* A few - innocent - people took their own lives thanks to the effects of lockdown too. No tears for them, Frances? 

Strict coronavirus restrictions in prisons have left tens of thousands of people locked in their cells for 23 hours a day for months on end.

And millions of - innocent! - people trapped behind their own front doors by government decree. But no tears for them, eh, Frances? 

Prison reform has long been one of those political hot potatoes that few politicians are willing to tackle sensibly, all too aware that they will be accused of being “soft on crime” or “not on the side of victims”.

Rightly so. So what? 

What we really need is reform of the entire prison system, starting with an increase in funding for healthcare and palliative support. Not only is it the right thing to do, it will also save taxpayers’ money in the long run by improving prisoners’ health and helping to nurture future rehabilitated citizens.

But look at the levels of recidivism. Who wants to take the risk that they are rehabilitated? 

Prisons are too often used as a solution to social problems; a civilised – and smart – society would spend its resources on tackling poverty rather than building more cells.

Is it 'poverty' that drives crimes like these, then? Pretty hard to believe, Frances...

As a former public prosecutor, Keir Starmer is in a better position than most to challenge the government to adopt an evidence-based approach to prisons without Johnson being able to accuse him of being “soft” on crime.

Looking at his record, I rather think you've lost the plot, if you could be said to have ever had one.  

What Was He Supposed To Use, Harsh Language?

A Metropolitan Police officer who tasered a 10-year-old girl 'threatening a woman with garden shears and a hammer' at her home should face gross misconduct proceedings, a watchdog has ruled.

Scotland Yard's own review cleared the police officer of wrongdoing over the incident in January last year, with the force saying four days later that 'no misconduct was identified'.

Well, no, indeed. What else was he supposed to use? Belting her with an ASP would likely have done more damage... 

'Our investigation into this matter has concluded and we have found a Metropolitan Police Service officer has a case to answer for gross misconduct in relation to the tasering of a 10-year-old girl,' a spokeswoman for the IOPC told the broadcaster. It is believed that the schoolgirl is the youngest person in the UK to have been hit with a taser, that deploys 50,000 volts to its target.

I think they forgot to add 'So far'... 

The Met Police told Sky News that the watchdog's ruling was in relation to the officer's use of force against the girl, and that a misconduct hearing would be held on a date that will be confirmed later.

What's changed? 

Details of the shocking events were reported in March last year after a complaint was passed to the IOPC by the girl's family.

*speechless* 

Stable Door Firmly Bolted...

...sadly, horse long since trampled people to death when it galloped to freedom.

Cambridge University has scrapped a programme that taught prisoners alongside students after the deadly 2019 Fishmonger’s Hall terrorist attack was carried out at one of its events.

You'd think the parents would be raging. Well, read on:

On Monday, Dave Merritt, Jack’s father (Ed: oh oh...), told the Guardian: "The Learning Together programme did a lot of good for the prisoners and the Cambridge University students who participated in it, and for that reason it is sad that the programme will not continue."

Apparently, to this bereaved virtue signaller, the problem was never asking tiny fish to potentially swim with Islamist sharks in the first place, but simply that the authorities were too naive and trusting about their selection of toothy predators... 

"It is regrettable that the university has never acknowledged its failings, either at the inquest or subsequently. The course leaders were idealistic, ambitious for the programme and naive about the risks that dangerous, high-risk, category A, Terrorist Act offenders such as Khan pose."

Aren't you just the same, then? Those are all pretty descriptive of your own views, as expressed here and elsewhere, aren't they?

"All the agencies in managing Khan – prison, probation, police, MI5 – regarded his involvement with Learning Together as a ‘protective factor’, in the absence of any evidence to support this. In the words of our barrister, Nick Armstrong of Matrix Chambers, it was if they were intoxicated by the ‘fairy dust Learning Together sprinkled over them’."

Yes Reader, Matrix Churchill - this is the law firm he's hired to excoriate the naivety of the university staff while blindly ignoring his own...

Mind you, the directors of the project don't elicit a great deal of sympathy, convinced as they are that they are the real victims here: 

In its response to the coroner, Learning Together said: “Drs Armstrong and Ludlow take this opportunity to reiterate that their personal and professional reflection, profound grief, and trauma is deep and ongoing following the tragedy of 29 November 2019.”

They aren't dead, though, as a result, are they? They are alive and kicking to broadcast their self-pity to the world. 

Cheer Up, Naga, I'll Help!

At first glance, Shamima Begum and I don’t have much in common. She fled Britain when she was a schoolgirl to join Islamic State. I came to the UK from Sri Lanka in 2005 and qualified here as a public and human rights lawyer. I became a British citizen in 2015.

Naga Kandiah, a solicitor at MTC Solicitors is worried.

Like Begum, I too could be stripped of my British citizenship without warning under a proposed rule change quietly added to the nationality and borders bill, thanks to a provision known as clause 9.

Well, Naga, are you planning to flee the country and join a terrorist group? Because if you aren't, I'd say you've got nothing to worry about... 

How does the government define what is in the public interest? Could that include displeasing the government of the day, even if no crime is committed and no law is broken?

Good grief, no! That'd make us like some sort of Third World banana republic, like...well, Sri Lanka, or something.  

The Home Office has said that British citizenship is a privilege, not a right.

Which very, very few people disagree with. Unless they are paid - and no doubt paid well 0 to, of course. 

Psychologically, the rug of our secure lives here is being pulled from under our feet. Those of us among the 5.6 million who are people of colour will sleep less easily in our beds if this clause becomes law.

The rest of us will sleep a lot sounder because of it, however.  

An Audi? There's A Surprise!

Once it would have been a BMW:

Abrar Hajee appeared at Bolton Crown Court for sentencing after pleading guilty to dangerous driving. The court heard the 24-year-old of Browning Close, Halliwell, drove at speed on St Helens Road from Bolton town centre at around 5.20pm on September 28, last year.

As he approached the junction with Morris Green Lane and Deane Church Lane queueing traffic was stationary as the lights were red. The 24-year-old proceeded to drive his white Audi A7 “at speed and on the wrong side of the road, overtaking stationary traffic,” Simon Barrett, prosecuting, said.

When Hajee reached the lights they had just turned green, but two cars were still turning from Morris Green Lane/Deane Church Lane into St Helens Road. CCTV showed the two cars beginning to turn from the junction into St Helens Road, before Hajee appears at a high speed, hitting both turning cars before losing control and hitting another car and the traffic lights on the other side of the junction.

Hajee narrowly misses a pedestrian walking up St Helens Road towards the junction after he loses control.

Sounds like a typical Audi driver to me... 

Defending Hajee, Richard Dawson, said it was a “brief but obviously seriously dangerous manoeuvre” with Hajee driving above the speed limit.

But he stressed that he is a “young man in his early 20s of an otherwise good character”.

When even your brief can't really excuse you, you know you're in trouble. Or should be. 

Sentencing, Recorder Jonathan Gavaghan said this incident could have been “very much worse” as nobody was injured.

“There was no genuine reason for you to rush and you were just impatient and didn’t want to wait,” Mr Gavaghan said.

“You started to blame others for the car crash despite your dangerous driving. You drove fast in a built up area in rush hour with no proper thought for others’ safety.”

Yup, a heavy sentence is coming! 

Mr Gavaghan added that Hajee understood the “gravity” of his wrongdoing and “remorse” for what he did.

Hajee was sentenced to a community order including 160 hours unpaid work and was disqualified from driving for two years.

*sighs* Or not. 

'Remarkable'..? Not At All, Judge!

Judge Paul Lawton said: “It is remarkable that having fled violence in Sudan you caused to bring violence to the streets of England.

“You are 27-years-old and a man of previous good character. You have a partner and a young child, and are expecting another one.

“The violence used a potentially lethal weapon.”

It is, of course, Minshull Street, which seems to be staffed with more than its fair share of morons and bleeding hearts.

Mr Lawton sentenced Hasan Suliman to 21 months in prison, suspended for two years, for unlawful wounding. He also handed Suliman a community order and alcohol rehabilitation programme, and told him to pay a victim surcharge.

Suitable sentence for an asylum seeker who stabbed another man with a screwdriver over another woman? I don't really think so, Does anyone else? 

Apart from those trying to convince us that Emad Al-Swealmeen was a genuine Christian, that is.... 

Well, You Could Knock Me Down With A Feather!

A suspected terrorist who blew himself up outside Liverpool Women’s hospital at the weekend has been named as 32-year-old Emad al-Swealmeen.

I don't think we really need the 'suspected' in there, do we? 

Al-Swealmeen had changed his name by deed poll to Enzo Almeni, in honour of Italian race car legend Enzo Ferrari, to sound more western on his asylum application, which subsequently failed in 2014, Hitchcott told the Daily Mail.

Hang on... *checks calendar* ... so why was he still here? 

He is said to have converted to Christianity after moving to the UK from the Middle East and was later briefly taken in by Christian volunteers Malcolm and Elizabeth Hitchcott in Liverpool. Speaking to the BBC, Elizabeth Hitchcott said: “We’re just so, so sad. We just loved him, he was a lovely guy,” adding she and her husband were “very” shocked by the incident.

How many more are there like this, who take advantage of our lax borders and supine, incompetent asylum process? 

Official sources previously confirmed to the PA news agency the suspect was not previously known to the security services.

Well, he's known now. And who is scrutinising the backgrounds of all the others like him? Not to mention the hordes coming across the Channel? 

What 'Cancelling His Debt' Really Means...

Mujakachi’s case has received a great deal of support in Sheffield and across the UK.

The Labour MP for Sheffield Hallam, Olivia Blake, has spoken in parliament on his behalf and a petition created by his partner, Melissa Smith, calls for the cancellation of his debt and has attracted 75,000 signatures.

It means you, taxpayer, get the bill instead. For someone who shouldn't even be here:

Mujakachi’s asylum appeals were eventually rejected, though he was not told whether this was due to the outstanding debt. He is now a “refused asylum seeker”, at risk of being deported to Zimbabwe, where he was born and where his father, Victor, is wanted by the government for speaking out against Robert Mugabe.

It doesn't seem as if it's that big a risk, but then the chance of him finally ending up on a plane back to Zimbabwe isn't that big a risk either, thanks to a supine Tory Party and the hordes of quislings in this country who want to keep these leeches in the country indefinitely...  

 

You Spelled 'Scummy Thugs' Wrong...

A commuter who stuck up for a woman after a plastic bottle was thrown at her on a train was set upon by a large group of...

Wait for it, wait for it... 

...college students.

*blinks* 

Mark Hosker was brutally punched and kicked by around nine teenagers on the platform of Nelson station after he had asked them to ‘stop being childish’ while on the train, which he had boarded in Blackburn.

The large group, who he described as being intimidating, started throwing around a plastic bottle, which ended up hitting another passenger. She did not say anything to the group, but Mr Hosker did.

Which, for a man with a prosthetic leg, was brave. And sadly futile. 

One man, Saif Ali, 21, was later identified following a police investigation and appeared in court for his role in the attack.

Boy, I can't wait for the mitigation... 

Defending Ali, of Lloyd Walk, Nelson, Joseph Allman started his mitigation by offering his client’s ‘most sincere apologies and remorse’ to Mr Hosker.

Mr Allman told the court that all of Ali’s closest friends and family were disgusted by his behaviour.

“His part in the assault was shortlived, he made the appalling decision to join in and he inflicted two kicks,” he said.

“He has held down a number of jobs. Education didn’t work out particularly well for him but he is a hard-working person. He is currently working for the track and trace programme. He has a supportive family.”

*sighs* 

Debating whether or not he should give Ali a chance, Recorder Mr Philip Grundy said it was ‘not difficult to lock up young men who have committed serious offences’. He added:

“What is difficult is; do I take a chance with you, for all the reasons put forward on your behalf?”

It can't be that difficult, can it? You bleeding hearts seem to manage it on a daily basis! 

“While the starting point is a custodial sentence, in the specific circumstances of your case, I will suspend that for two years.”

That'll teach him. 

Consider The Alternatives...

Police use their Tasers on black people for longer, according to a watchdog report which looked at cases including the deaths of 16 people.

The investigation by the Independent Office for Police Conduct also flagged concerns about the increased use of Tasers on children, the mentally ill and pensioners.

All people likely to be unwilling or incapable of following orders and complying with the police, you mean? Well, I never... 

...it spelled out 'missed opportunities' for police to de-escalate the situation before drawing the weapon.

How do you 'de-escalate' a situation like this? Someone who is mentally ill and a danger to himself and those around him need to be brought under control first. 

If not with a Taser, then with one of these:

Because that's the alternative. 

Michael Lockwood, IOPC director general, said: 'We recognise that Tasers are an important tool in policing.

'However, if the concerns identified in our report are not addressed, there is a risk the police will lose the trust and confidence of the communities they serve.'

Gosh, what a tragedy if the police lost the trust of the mentally ill and dangerous 'community'. Or the trust of the deliquent kids 'community'.  

Deborah Coles, director of the Inquest charity, said: 'This review is welcome but the recommendations do not go far enough to create the systemic change needed.

'We don't just need more scrutiny, community oversight, or training or guidance. We need the IOPC, police chiefs and oversight bodies to hold police officers to account when they abuse their powers and to confront the reality presented by this evidence.'

Oliver Feeley-Sprague, Amnesty International UK's policing expert and a member of the independent advisory group to the National Police Chiefs' Council lead on Tasers, said: 'This should be a wake-up call to the police and the Home Office over the use – and misuse – of these potentially lethal weapons.'

Fine by me. Go back to bashing them over the head with a length of metal or putting a bullet in them.  

(Not) Keeping Death Off The Roads...

A teenage driver smashed through a garden wall during a high-speed police helicopter chase in which 20 other vehicles had to take evasive action.

Pity it wasn't an Apache gunship... 

Raaqib Rasool was 17 when he sped off in a silver Vauxhall Astra when he had no driving licence and no insurance, Bradford Crown Court heard yesterday.

Rasool, now 19, of Jesmond Avenue, Heaton, Bradford, pleaded guilty to driving dangerously on the afternoon of June 14 last year.

And is he heading for a long spell behind bars? Reader, he is not, of course: 

He was sentenced to 12 months detention in a young offender institution, suspended for two years, after Judge David Hatton QC labelled the driving “monstrous.”

Clearly, 'monstrous' driving just doesn't cut it. Maybe only 'apocalyptic' driving will get you a spell in youth chokey. But maybe I'm maligning his honour? Maybe the mitigation was amazing?

Reader, it was not: 

Mohammed Khan said in mitigation that he was just 17 at the time and had made “a huge mistake.”

He knew there was a strong possibly of a custodial sentence. He was ashamed of his behaviour and family members relied on him for support.

Rasool had completed a business course and hoped to continue with his studies. There was a job waiting for him when the court proceedings had concluded.

The same old boilerplate they all churn out. And why do family members rely on a 17 year old for support? 

Judge David Hatton QC said Rasool had put other road users at considerable risk, causing many vehicles to take evasive action to avoid him.

Well, hopefully a swinging fine, at least? 

He was ordered to pay £425 costs. Judge Hatton told him: “You’re free to go with your very large bag I see.”

That won't even pay for the petrol costs, let alone the avgas for the chopper... 

Not The Leeds I Remember From Childhood Holidays...

A 20-year-old Leeds man who admitted to sexually assaulting a "vulnerable" young girl has avoided jail.

A 'Leeds man', eh?

Mahdi Alishieshi, of Brudenell Mount, Hyde Park, was 17 years old at the time of the offences involving the child, who was then aged 11 or 12.

That's a good old Yorkshire name, isn't it? 

...a judge at Manchester Crown Court told him: "This wasn't accidental touching, this was a sexually motivated incident.

"You need to look deep within yourself and acknowledge that and move on from there.

"She was and is a particularly vulnerable young person, in that she is somewhat disturbed and troubled."

Before the abuse, or after, and as a result? 

The judge said the victim's ordeal has 'exacerbated her troubles'.

She told Alishieshi: "To your credit, you made frank admissions in interview.

"I have no doubt you are making significant progress in getting your life back on track."

Alishieshi, a university student, has 'strong academic capabilities' and a 'prospect of a bright and successful future'," she said.

Apart from the little issue of being a sexual predator, I suppose? 

Defending, Lewis Kerr said Alishieshi has suffered from mental health problems which he has been seeking help.

Quit while you're winning, Lewis!  

H/T: ClownWorld via Twitter