Tweet Of The Month

Post Title Of The Month

 Can't argue with the classicsm can you, Guido Fawkes?

H/T: Dave Ward via email

Quote Of The Month

LegIron on some disquieting developments: 

"While we are being told of imminent food shortages ‘because Putin’, why shut down farms? Why destroy people’s own vegetable gardens? Why is there such an intense effort to buy up farmland? It makes no sense.

It makes perfect sense if you can accept that it’s evil."

Post Of The Month

You often hear people proclaim that 'journalism is dead' but it's not. It's just no longer in the hands of the progerssionals, and is instead in the hands of bloggers like Al Jahom, who has a story to tell that the professionals can't be bothered to...

More Funding For The NHS? Not On Your Nelly!

A snippet from the 'Snouts In The Trough' blog. And a superb rejoinder to the next idiot on social media who bleats about the NHS's supposed 'lack of funding'.

H/T: IanJ via email

It's Lucky Number Thirteen!

The thirteenth anniversary of this blog, that is... 

Thanks to all my readers! And to celebrate, I'm taking a day off! Normal service resumes tomorrow.

"...everyone, including you, wants me to get this right."

Sadly, judge, the appropriate sentence hasn't been available to you since 1965.

O'Brien was remanded to Birmingham's Tamarind Centre, a medium secure facility.

*blinks* 

An arsonist doesn't rate high security?

Why Do We Let Them Get Away With This?

An alleged gunman said a QC was talking to him "like a piece of s***" before a murder trial was halted because he had a headache.

He was doing his job. Though it's hard to escape the conclusion that he was treating you exactly as you deserve. 

The unemployed 26-year-old, who left school without any qualifications, has been accompanied throughout the trial by an intermediary, to assist him with following proceedings.

*sighs* 

Shortly after the lunchtime break, High Court judge Mr Justice Stephen Morris called jurors back into court and thanked them for their "patience".

He said: "As you may have been aware, the evidence of Mr Murphy was paused because he's not feeling well and he is not feeling well enough to continue today.

"So I am going to ask you to go home for the day. But just to say this, the aim is to continue with his evidence tomorrow."

We don't force them into court to face the music, and now we let them off when they have a headache. Why the hell does the justice system bother with a dock at all? 

"Errr, Sarge, About those 'Heinous Actions'.."

Cheshire Police were called on Monday, April 18, following reports a woman was "sexually assaulted by three men" in a lay-by in in Hassall, near Sandbach.

At the time police said they were giving the victim support following the "horrendous attack" and were "determined to bring the offenders to justice for their heinous actions".

Whoops!

A 33-year-old man from Stoke-on-Trent who was arrested on Tuesday has now been released without charge, and a 34-year-old woman was arrested on suspicion of wasting police time and perverting the course of justice in connection with the incident, CheshireLive reports.

Well, at least they are bringing someone to justice... 

Chief Inspector Claire Jesson said: "Following this report, officers conducted a detailed investigation and appealed to the public for help and information. I can now reassure the residents of Hassall, and the wider public, that we are satisfied this offence did not occur and I would like to thank them for their support."

So...have you learned anything? 

"However, I do not want this to deter people from reporting such crimes to us for fear that they will not be believed - nothing could be further from the truth. We work really hard to encourage people who have been a victim of sexual abuse - no matter how long ago - to report it.

"You will be listened to, you will receive the help and support you need and we will do all that we can to achieve justice where offences have taken place. We have dedicated teams of specialist officers and work with a number of fantastic organisations who offer help and support in dealing with the trauma of these offences and to help people to feel safe again."

Guess not. 

"I’m pretty sure anyone would have done it."

I'm pretty sure any mother worthy of the name wouldn't have had animals like these anywhere near their children in the first place...

They said while the dogs stayed in the backyard, they had come inside the home at the time of the attack.

“The dogs are good dogs. We just had them bathed yesterday. I was asleep and my daughter heard the commotion,” said Margaret Morales.

When will people learn..?

H/T: RealBlackIrish via Twitter

'Gissa Job, Go On, Gissa Job...'

Increase the Peace is an anti-knife crime charity and lead campaigner and mentor Delroy Ellis regularly receives calls from worried parents who have discovered their child is carrying a weapon.

He says he is incredibly disappointed with the lack of services in the city.

Despite his efforts, Mr Ellis does not see an end to knife crime in the city. His fears were again confirmed with a lad having been charged with possessing a bladed weapon in court just this week.

So who is this chap? Someone who wants to help, free of charge? Well... 

“I have not heard from any agency since Ramarni died. Not one phone call or email has been sent asking the city’s registered knife crime charity to get on board and take action.”

Maybe they don't have a lot of faith in your charity's ability? 

“I am not anti the system but I do what I do because I am with the people. With everything that is happening, agencies should know they need Increase the Peace.”

Why? Do you have answers or solutions, then? 

“At the moment I do not have the answer or solution...

Ah. 

...but after what happened in Gloucester last Sunday, we need to work to see what I can do. I knew it would only be a matter of time before another knife crime incident would happen again.

“More needs to be done to educate young people. Something really has to change to get the message across and we need to work together to make it happen.”

Well, there we are in agreement, Delroy. Something does indeed have to change. But I don't think you're going to like what it is... 

No Matter Who It Is That Owns Twitter...

 ...it's the users that provide the real value!

The Musk takeover has been unexpected and controversial amongst Twitter employees. Speaking at an all-hands meeting on Monday following news of the deal, Agrawal told employees that the future direction of the social network was uncertain.

Buckle up, former moderators!

 

For Once, It's Not The State To Blame...

Throughout the period social workers were dealing with Ms Crilly, they told her she could not allow her new partner Chadwick to have any contact with Orianna under any circumstances.

But Mr Peacock inaccurately recorded that he was not to have ‘unsupervised contact’ with the baby - but denied ever saying this to Ms Crilly.

A mistake, yes, and one that should have been picked up. And god knows, social work is littered with mistakes that have led to totally preventable deaths. We've had not one, but two pretty recently.

But before we start writing placards and gathering torches to march on the council HQ... 

Despite his apology, though, Coroner Catherine McKenna decided against engaging Article 2 of the European Convention on Human Rights - a statute protecting citizens’ right to life from state agencies. Engaging this article would have meant Wigan Council could have been held accountable for failing to sufficiently protect Orianna.

Ms McKenna took the decision because, while people acting within the state system had not followed procedure correctly, she found it was not a failing of the system itself.

And why? Because over and above all, this was a failure of the child's mother: 

'Even if a plan was in place, Chelsea would have retained care of Orianna. 'She did not believe allegations against [Chadwick], I cannot find it would have led to a cessation of contact.

'Even when Orianna was undergoing neurosurgery [following the attack] she could not believe the offender would cause her harm.'

So, any punisnhment should rightly be coming her way, yes? 

Ms Crilly, the baby's mother, was cleared of causing or allowing Orianna's death following a trial at Manchester Crown Court.

*blinks* 

Addressing her, Ms McKenna said: 'Chelsea, you are the person most deeply affected by her death.

'You have shown great courage attending this inquest. You have conducted yourself with remarkable dignity.

'Ultimately, the responsibility comes with the offender. He and no one else took her life. I hope you can draw comfort from Orianna’s memory.'

I'm speechless. She's praised for attending the trial of the brute that murdered her child, instead of spending time behind bars for her part in it? 

Haven't The Movies Warned Us About This?

He suggested scooping up the object from the bottom of the Pacific with a magnet in order to examine the 'artificial' object and added that retrieving the object could be an opportunity to fulfill a lifelong dream of getting his hands on alien technology.

Please don't, it rarely ends well! 

Those 'Self Driving Cars' Strike Again...

Who will save us from these automotive menaces?

H/T: Dave Ward via email

"We're Gonna Need A Lot Of Thread, Jethro..."

Homophones get 'em every time, don't they?

Sunday Funnies...

Why do we write fiction about far-off systems, when ours is so strange? 

The Mystery Of The Missing Mail...

At the start of March, people living in Great and Little Eversden – and possibly two other nearby villages – only a few miles from Cambridge, noticed their post had stopped arriving.

When they asked Royal Mail for an explanation, they were originally told there were no problems.

"Who are you gonna believe, me or your empty mail slot?" 

It seems that after a reorganisation of rounds out of the Cambridge depot, the reliable postwoman who had served their area for years was moved to a new round. Other staff took over, and at that point the deliveries all but dried up. The company has apparently told villagers that an undisclosed amount of post was discovered in a Royal Mail van after an employee had “withheld mail from delivery”, and that this member of staff had been dismissed.

Not the first time this has happened, so wouldn't you think there'd be some sort of oversight? 

“All the way through this, Royal Mail has been deliberately opaque,” said Susan Tacq, a retired academic, who is one of those trying to find out what has happened to their missing post. The loss of nearly three weeks’ mail to about 330 households, thousands of items, cannot all have been ‘mislaid in the network’. If they were, then Royal Mail is in even worse straits than this episode suggests. The company has said it won’t investigate – but why not?” she asks.

Why not indeed? Are they worried what they might find if they did? 

Royal Mail sent Guardian Money a statement that did not appear to address some of the aspects of this curious saga, and which – contrary to what the villagers are saying – seemed to suggest that the matter had all been resolved.

“Anyone who has concerns over the delivery of their mail should contact the Royal Mail customer service team on 03457 740 740 or via the Royal Mail website www.royalmail.com.”

Just don't drop them a letter, OK? 

"My Dear Girl, Why Don't You Just Try Acting*..?"

*With apologies to the late, great Laurence...

Live by Night, which was Affleck’s directorial follow-up to Best Picture winner Argo, was a box office flop.

When you hire actors who can't convincingly portray someone with chemistry, what else do you expect? I mean, 'pretending to be someone you're not' is pretty much the whole job description, isn't it? 

And watching Oscar Isaac in Disney+'s 'Moon Knight' effortlessly convincing viewers at the flip of a card that he's not one but two different characters (soon to be three?) in a single episode, you have to wonder at the stunning lack of self-awareness of somone who could say something like this...   

"We may as well have sabre toothed tigers back on the streets."

"The only concern expressed by the despicable owners of this animal was that we had been hitting their dog."

Of course! It's typical in these cases. 

Perhaps the police would have come quicker if the owner and the helpful bystanders had been laying into the owners with punches and kicks from steel-toecapped boots instead? 

"An officer from the West Midlands Police Dangerous Dog Unit told me 'American XL Bullys are flavour of the month right now'," Alan said.

Imagine that. The problem is so bad some farces are actually setting up units... 

"I predict that over the next 12 to 18 months we will see a massive rise in the number of attacks and fatalities as a result of unscrupulous breeding of these dogs.

"It is also worth noting that as well as an XL Bully there is an XXL Bully. No doubt someone somewhere is working on the creation of a triple XXXL bully."

Like some mad ghetto version of Dr Wu, tinkering with genetic codes the old fashioned way to produce what they need...

 "The law needs to be changed to stop breeders from 'tweaking' the DNA of killer dogs and claiming that they are legal breeds."

If only we had lawmakers worthy of the name... 

What's The Magistrates' Excuses?

In mitigation, it was claimed Kelly had "high functioning autism".

*yawns* 

Yet whole (sic) he had stopped taking prescription medication for his mental health, the £200-a-week Universal Credit claimant was a "recreational" cocaine user.

Wow, I guess it's cheaper than I thought to have a coke habit! Hollywood has lied to me yet again... 

...a probation worker told the court he was apologetic for his actions, adding: "He did say in the interview he felt ashamed, humiliated and embarrassed by his actions.

I can't see why he'd be any of those things, since he is - of course! - no stranger to this behaviour: 

The defendant, who has nine previous convictions including assault and drunk and disorderly, was also sentenced to a 12 month community order with a focus on a rehabilitation. He must also pay £85 in costs and a £95 surcharge.

*sighs* 

Headlines That Make You Go 'Huh?'...

...before the answer to the riddle reveals itself:

Ah. Usual suspects, in other words. 

No one has been charged or arrested in connection to the assault, but officers confirmed there is an ongoing investigation.

'The referee appears outnumbered from the very start,' basketball coach Parris Cherry told local news station WSBTV.

'I was appalled. It was a very scary video. To see the adults instigate and then the kids follow up to the point where it was the kids who chased down the referee at the end of the video, it's just disgusting. And it seems like there wasn't any adult trying to break it up.'

Maybe there were no real adults present, despite the nomenclature... 

Yes, You Can, Actually...

...you can resign and find a job more to your liking:

One worker said on the noticeboard: ‘I find the Government proposal totally unethical and it impacts directly upon my workstream. As a civil servant, can I refuse this type of work in contravention of my own ethics?’

Truly, they are 'the enemy within', aren't they? 

The level of negativity in the Home Office is further evidence of attempts to undermine Miss Patel’s efforts to tackle the Channel migrant crisis. Earlier this year, a union representing most Border Force workers joined a migrant charity to challenge the legality of measures to turn boats back to France.

'Negativity' is fine, we all get asked to do things by our employers that we might find distasteful or unworkable. But we either suck it up or leave.  

This, however, is something worse. If Boris's government cannot crush this, why should we vote for his party in May?

The Pre-Sentence Report Is Wrong, Wayman...

Mr Wayman said that a pre-sentence report assessed her as being 'no risk to anybody'.

...very wrong.

Recorder Daniel Sawyer said that Kangootui had come to the UK legitimately on a student visa and was in the country legitimately for 'some time' but added that it expired in 2010. At some point Kangootui obtained a counterfeit passport and driving licence.

Mr Sawyer said: "Using those documents you obtained work at Grassington House. You also said that you came by these documents legitimately from a man whose surname you didn't know."

She's a risk to every taxpayer in the land. To every legitimate foreign worker who will be looked at with suspicion as a result of her dishonesty.  

Ms Taylor said that in interview Kangootui confirmed that she was from Namibia... She is also pregnant and is due to give birth in October.

And guess who's paying for that? It's not going to be the father, is it? 

We Should Toss This Salad...

...right back where it came from:

Police urgently want to trace this man after a woman was raped in London.

Detectives want to speak to Salad Ahmed Mohamed following an alleged attack last week.

The offence is said to have happened after a woman got into a white Toyota Prius.

Hmmm...I get a lot of Ubers, and they are often this make. 

He is known to frequent the Islington, Finsbury Park, and South Tottenham areas, according to investigators.

They know a lot about him for a 'stranger rapist', don't they? 

"You can miss out school, why go to learn the words of fools?"

A teachers’ union is forming a partnership with education experts to...

Increase literacy and numeracy rates? Ensure discipline - and above all, safety - in the classroom? 

...“critically interrogate” the government’s plans for a model history curriculum in England, as its leaders warned that culture wars continued to rage over what should be taught in classrooms.

Oh. OK, so what it is you want to see in UK schools, then?

“We want to ensure that Black history, cultures and perspectives have proper recognition in all subjects and all year round. And this must centre the perspectives of those who were colonised or their descendants,” Bousted told delegates at the NEU’s annual conference in Bournemouth.

*sighs* 

Bousted said she had been “monstered” by the rightwing media (Ed: we have that? Who knew?) and endured “gales of outrage” on social media after saying she was not interested in a curriculum solely composed of the works of dead white men.

Well, yes, when one considers what Shakespeare, Newton, Darwin - all dead white men - have done for Britain, and the world. I'd compare them with the achievements of black historical figures, but...well... 

Bousted pledged to defeat the government’s aim of all state schools in England being converted to academies by 2030, calling the white paper “the final thrashings of zombie education ideologues with zombie education policies”.

She seems nice.  

Someone Sure Is, Sarah...

Det Supt Sarah White, a senior British Transport Police (BTP) officer, warned that suspects who stare are 'starting to show behaviours that are unhealthy'.

...but I'm not so sure it's who we are supposed to think it is.

'It’s human nature to stare at things. However, it’s very different when someone is staring, leering, or there’s a sexual motivation,' DS White told The Telegraph.

Define 'leering' and then tell the court how you knew - to an evidential standard - what was on the suspect's mind at the time, Sarah. 

Take your time...

I Feel Your Pain, Tanya...

One day in 2014, Tanya DePass was feeling the rage. She had been playing games for most of her life, since the time of Pong, ColecoVision, and the glory days of the arcade. And yet she still saw very few people like her in the games she played. A queer black woman...

Oh, I know, sweetie! It's terrible! Like you, I stuggle to find a game with a playable character that's a 50+ white middle-class training professional from London!

But...you know what? That's not stopped me from having such great fun in gaming at all! I've been an elven druid, a Yankee redneck stalking the wood with trusty 30.06 and dog, a pilot in another galaxy, a detective in New Orleans, and a monster hunter in Eastern Europe.

I've run a hospital, planned a city, am currently running a zoo and a dinosaur park, all without need of 'representation' of any kind. And I've had a blast.

Maybe that's because I see gaming for what it is, and not simply as an extension of a lifetime of grift:

...when she lost her day job, in higher education, Tanya decided she’d give it six months and see if she could make it work. It’s fair to say that she succeeded. Now 49, Tanya still runs I Need Diverse Games; she streams and plays Dungeons and Dragons on Twitch, going by CypherofTyr; in the summer of 2020 she raised nearly $200,000 for charity The Bail Project. She has spoken on diversity, feminism and intersectionality at video game events around the world; a short film, Game Changer, has been made about her life and work, and she is working on her own afrofuturist roleplaying game, Into the Mother Lands. Later this month she will receive the Gayming Icon award at the Gayming Awards in London, an LGBTQ+ video game awards show that’s now in its second year, for her efforts towards better representation in video games.

Now, they say you should find a job that matches your interests and then you'll never 'work' a day in your life. But does it really sound to you, Reader, as if she had fun...? 

"We Need More H&S Officers!" Said No-One, Ever...

Padstow's traditional May Day parade 'must be professionally managed' following the death of a mother-of-two who was struck by a wooden horse costume, a coroner has today told an inquest.

Laura Smallwood, 34, died in hospital three days after she was struck in the back of the head by the wooden framed horse - known as an 'Obby 'Oss' - an inquest heard.

The incident took place during the 2019 May Day parade in the north Cornwall town, which has hosted such celebrations since as far back as the 16th Century.

Cry 'Havoc!' and let loose the Cornish council health and safety experts! 

Amanda Hannon, an events planner with Devon and Cornwall Police, told the inquest there had not been one person in overall charge of the celebrations.

'That would be best practice,' she said. She added there was a 'reluctance' from Padstow Town Council to 'come forward or contribute to the running of May Day' and they 'don't want to be identified as an organiser'.

Mr Cox said that in correspondence with the council it did not have any 'obligation' to be the event organiser.

'Isn't the answer for me at the end of this to write to Government and say legislation as it stands does not deal with the situation where no-one comes forward as the event organiser,' Mr Cox said.

One fatality in several centuries and suddenly, this must be organised and controlled and paperwork must pile high in council chambers? Really?  

Still, if this was the sole cause of the deat...

Wait!

Coroner Mr Cox heard that Laura may have suffered a 'minor incident' around ten days before the Obby Oss collision, which had likely caused some damage to her arteries.

Hmmm.... 

Happy Easter Sunday...

...however you choose to celebrate. 

Normal Bank Holiday service will resume tomorrow.

Remember When A Fair Was A Place To Have Fun?

Bootle: 

"I don’t know how she got out of there with the marks she did, because it was very violent everywhere. The kids went into a riot because two of them had just been attacked by adults, of course that is going to cause a conflict.

"One of them asked for a £7 refund, just joking about it because they were asked to leave. But they think they can lay their hands on children, they can’t do that, it is absolutely disgusting.

"The kids were assaulted by five men, they were all protecting each other."

Greenwich:

Police have arrested three people after a “number of incidents of violence” and reports of a stabbing near a funfair at a south London common.

Officers swooped to Blackheath Common on Tuesday evening to a number of assaults and a reported stabbing.

I wonder what the common denominator is...? 

In A Society Genuinely Concerned With Public Protection, A 2x4 Wouldn't Be Our Only Option...

The heartbroken wife of a beloved father-of-three who was savagely stabbed to death by their neighbour in a trivial parking dispute today slammed ‘toothless and ineffective’ police for failing to act on years of threats and abuse after the knifeman was convicted of murder.

As Arslan was today convicted of murder by a jury, Mrs Boorman said that her husband ‘paid the high price’ for the authorities’ inability to protect the neighbours from the killer, adding that the shocking incident was ‘not remotely out of the blue’. Gloucestershire Constabulary have now referred themselves to the Independent Office for Police Conduct (IOPC).

It's not entirely true that the police did nothing, however. On the day of his rampage, off-duty police officer Stephen Wilkinson - a neighbour of the Turkish killer - tried to stop him. 

His only weapon to hand? A piece of wood.

Trial judge Mrs Justice Cutts said she wanted a further psychiatric report prepared on him before sentencing, and set a hearing for two months’ time. She told the killer: ‘I am not going to sentence you today; I am going to sentence you on June 9 when I will have an additional report on you. In the meantime you will remain in Broadmoor.’

Another report? Seriously? What more do you need, love?  

I Wonder How This Behaviour Would Be Treated In The DRC..?

Lyoya had two young daughters and five siblings, said the governor Gretchen Whitmer, who spoke to his family.

“He arrived in the United States as a refugee with his family fleeing violence. He had his whole life ahead of him,” Whitmer said.

But rather than show gratitude for the opportunity, he chose...well, read on. 

The traffic stop was tense from the start. Video shows Lyoya, a native of the Democratic Republic of Congo, getting out of the car before the officer approached. He ordered Lyoya to get back in the vehicle but the man declined. The officer asked him if he spoke English and demanded his driver’s license. The foot chase began soon after, video shows.

In the DRC, they probably don't bother with all the fuss of an investigation of people who end up dead resisting arrest...

Mark Washington, the city manager, warned that the videos would lead to “expressions of shock, of anger and of pain”. Some downtown businesses boarded up their storefronts, and concrete barricades surrounded police headquarters.

Why? Because he's entirely the agent of his own misfortune. If you are granted refugee status, shouldn't the least your adopted country expect from you that you obey its laws..? 

Sorry, You're Too Late For April Fool's Day...

Oh, wait. It's real!

Traditional aerosol spray inhalers are in the firing line after they were found to be between 1,000 and 3,000 times more potent at warming the planet than carbon dioxide - with the SNP now proposing a switch to dry powder inhalers instead.

The only reason to switch a medication should be a medical necessity for the good of the patient at the behest of their doctors. Not the bonkers demands of people in thrall to the Green industry. 

H/T:@cheshiretoad via Twitter 

You Get The Justice System You Vote For...

One of the men who opened fire on a crowd of people in Sacramento early Sunday morning, killing six, was a career criminal who was released from prison in February just four years into a 10-year sentence for felony gun and robbery convictions, reports said.

The decision, made by California's Department of Corrections, was even made over the strenuous objections of the Sacramento County District Attorney's Office, which submitted a letter saying that the man 'displayed a pattern of criminal behavior' and posed a 'significant' danger to the community.

...don't you, California? But I bet you'll go on voting for them regardless...

Pretty Sure Most Are Just Getting On With Their Lives...

...like the rest of us. It's the tiny and unrepresentative minority of activists that are losing it, mostly in fear they'll have to make a proper living now:

“There is strong evidence that minorities experience greater levels of stress when their rights are being debated,” said Dr Adam Jowett, the chair of the British Psychological Society’s Sexualities Section.

“The mental health of the trans community has been affected not just in the past week but over the past few years: by the perception that the government is hostile to trans rights, the sense that they are not protected and the fact this is happening against a backdrop of hate crime and transphobia on the rise”.

Well, tough luck, Adam. Women aren't going to give up their rights and access to female-only spaces to help your patients. We aren't going to silence ourselves either.   

Don't Bother With An Inquest...

A 'heroic' neighbour who sacrificed his own life to save a two-year-old boy in danger died after being repeatedly hit with a dumbbell, a coroner ruled today.

Richard Woodcock, 38, was killed as he tried to rescue the child from a nearby flat after a screaming woman arrived at his front door 'fearful of her life.'

 From whom? Well, take a guess:

When officers gained entry, they immediately saw a dead man, later identified as council worker Mr Woodcock.

Police also found footballer Kelvin Odichukumma Igweani, suspected of murdering Mr Woodcock, in the property and Tasered him after he became 'aggressive'.

Mr Igweani, 24, was later pronounced dead at the scene after a police officer fired four shots.

Taser and a gun? 

'A Taser was discharged, but this was ineffective, and Kelvin Igweani barricaded himself within the main bedroom.' The inquest heard armed officers then tried to gain entry to that room.

He added: 'A child could be heard crying, along with the sounds of an ongoing assault. Entry was gained to the bedroom, at which point a police firearm was discharged.'

Jesus! 

An inquest into Mr Igweani’s death will be held at a later date.

Just throw the corpse in the nearest incinerator. In life, it behaved like a rabid animal, so treat it like one in death. And give Mr Woodcock a posthumous medal.  

Obviously Not That Exhausted, Then..?

Sky News anchor Mark Austin mounts his high horse:

Mr Fabricant clarified his remarks, saying: 'I said I know of some nurses - quite understandably, and I'm not condemning them - who after a long day on the wards, absolutely exhausted – this is pre vaccination being available, pre the antiviral drugs being available - then going back to the staff room and having a quiet drink.

'Frankly, I can't blame them. Would you call that a party?'

However, the journalist hit back with a firm response, telling the parliamentarian: 'Just for the record, my wife is an A&E doctor and I can assure you there was nothing going on in her hospital like that, they were exhausted, completely exhausted throughout Covid.'

Oh, were they really, Mark? It seems not: 

The NHS cancelled cancer and hip operations during the pandemic while continuing to perform breast enlargements and nose jobs for private patients.

Figures reveal the health service profited from treating tens of thousands of people who paid for care last year despite claiming to be overwhelmed by coronavirus.

I don't know any more who are the biggest liars. It used to be MPs, but now it's journalists and NHS 'workers'... 

Sorry, I'm Declining Your Race Card...

Ms Nessa, a primary school teacher, was murdered at random by Koci Selamaj as she walked through a London park in September.

He was jailed last week for at least 36 years. Jebina Yasmin Islam said the case had initially not got as much media coverage as the murder of Sarah Everard...

True enough. Why could that be?

...who was killed by a serving police officer.

Yup, that'll get the headlines over 'killed by yet another two-a-penny foreign murderer' anyday. Are you satisfied?

"My sister didn't get as much headlines, I feel, at the start. Maybe was it down to her ethnicity?" she told the BBC's Today programme.

"She didn't get the front pages on some of the papers, and in Sarah Everard's case she did. I think it's just down to our ethnicity, to be honest.

"And I feel like if we were a normal British white family we would have been treated equally, I guess."

*rolls eyes* 

The home secretary called Ms Nessa's killer an "evil monster" in the post, and that she hoped his sentence would bring "small comfort" to her family.

You've got attention now. From the Home Secretary, no less. Are you satisfied now..? 

"Priti Patel has done a tweet on Friday and I was not happy about it because all of a sudden she's using my sister's name for publicity reasons. And to be honest she has no right."

Oh, FFS!  

The Madness Continues...

Female suspects can be strip-searched by police officers who were born male but identify as women – and could be accused of a hate crime if they object, The Mail on Sunday can reveal.

As one door closes, the trans nutters seek to force open another... 

The controversial advice, issued by the National Police Chief's Council (NPCC) — the body representing British police chiefs — says it may be 'advisable' to replace the person carrying out the search if the detainee objects, but adds: 'If the refusal is based on discriminatory views, consideration should be given for the incident [to] be recorded as a non-crime hate incident unless the circumstances amount to a recordable crime.'

Can't they tell which way the wind is blowing on this madn...

Oh! 

The existence of the guidance, which was quietly issued in December...

Why are we hearing about it now, then? 

...only come to light (sic) following the intrepid work of Cathy Larkman, a police officer for over 30 years who rose to the rank of superintendent before retiring last year.

Good girl! 

Who's More Insane..?

A convicted killer and transgender woman has been given a dummy by prison guards after claiming she now identifies as a baby.

Sophie Eastwood, 36, who received a life sentence for strangling her cellmate with shoelaces, has also asked for nappies and baby food.

Him, or the prison warders acquiesing to these extraordinary demands?

A young offender known as Daniel at the time, Eastwood was jailed in a young offenders' institute at 18 for dangerous driving.

She was a month away from the end of her sentence when she strangled Mr Algie.

Guards then dubbed her 'Hannibal Lecter Jr' for her wicked mind games.

It's been a long time since I watched the film or read the book, but I'm pretty sure the authorities only grant privileges to Lecter when they want something from him... 

After realising she wasn't a gay man in 2016...

*rolls eyes* 

...Eastwood transitioned four years ago. She finished her 15-year minimum jail term in 2019 but has not been considered for release.

Even the prison service draws a line somewhere, then! 

She has also demanded guards hold her hand when she leaves her cell. And prison wardens are taking her demands seriously.

*blinks* 

The SPS source replied: 'Eastwood is a complex person and intelligent but she is pretty demanding on the resources of the prison and enjoys being the centre of attention.' She might just be 'attention seeking', they added.

Ya think?!? 

Even so, the idea is being given 'proper consideration' for 'human rights reasons', they said.

The only 'proper consideration' this should be given is to laugh in his face as the cell door clangs shut.  

Clearly An Uncommon Experience For Him...

...unless they were handing out free pies.

The court also heard Davis had 27 previous convictions including drink-driving, drug dealing and driving without insurance.

And was still on the road causing havoc regardless. Tough one for the defence?  

Nicholas Syfret QC, defending, said: 'James had said he fainted or had a blackout. The prosecution say that was an invented story to avoid the consequences of momentary inattention.

'It is not inconsistent to find that there was some impediment in the seconds before the collision with the car driven in the opposite direction.

'Otherwise, the why of this accident is never explained.'

Well, actually, yes it is. It's explained bty him being a cowardly waste of (excess) skin: 

The trial heard Davis, who had a teenage passenger, had been travelling at 67mph in a 30mph zone shortly before the fatal crash.

Also, a lying one: 

Police bodycam footage played to the court showed Davis telling PC Tom Rust as he was arrested: 'A baby, f***s sake. I’m sorry bab. I blacked out, I was doing 20mph. '

Tests later revealed Davis had cannabis in his bloodstream.

He should rot in jail for the rest of his worthless life. 

With A What Sort Of Ram..?

/facepalm

Impressive, 'Mail' Editor...

...getting it right in the headline, then so very wrong in the text.

Sunday Funnies...

A bit odd 'the taxman' isn't in this...

A Stunning Loss To The Profession, I'm Sure...

A 23-year-old business law student who died after eating a suspected cannabis sweet has been pictured.

If you're imagining a young chap with spots and a waistcoat, well, errr, think again! 

 Huh!

Damilola Olakanmi, from Ilford, east London, bought the 'gummies' through a messaging app and they were delivered to her home where she fell ill last Tuesday.

The Hertfordshire University student was rushed to Queen's Hospital, Romford, at around 11.30pm - but died on April 2.

Not a difficult investigation for the Met, this one: 

Leon Brown, 37, of South Norwood, was arrested on Friday in connection with the incident. He was charged with possession with intent to supply Class B synthetic cannabinoid, being concerned in the supply of a synthetic cannabinoid, and possession with intent to supply a psychoactive substance.

The Met said he was found in possession of a large quantity of cash and what were believed to be edible cannabis products.

Believed to be edible by the police, or by Leon's ever-shortening list of customers? 

I'm Not Sure That's The Right Word...

'Misery'..? Really..? I mean, yes, it's an inconvenience, but...this is something you can already do when you buy stuff online.

It is hoped the software, by British firm Anthropics Technology, will reduce the environmental impact and £7billion cost of returning online orders in the UK.

The catch? The subscription service charges around £15 per outfit tried, or £135 a month.

Ha ha ha ha ha! A fool and her money are soon parted, eh? 

Dog Of No Appearance....

A young child has sustained serious injuries after being mauled by a dog in Duntocher.

The horrifying incident took place in the Craiglea Road area on Saturday evening (April 2).

Police were called to the scene after receiving a report of a four-year-old boy sustaining injuries following an incident with a dog.

Officers say that the child sustained 'serious but not life-threatening' injuries. Police have confirmed that enquiries into the circumstances surrounding the attack are ongoing.

And yet...no breed, no description, no neighnours interviewed? None of the papers carrying anything more illuminating or informative?

Let's turn to social media!

Hmmm, no wonder they want to control it....

Probably Because They Know The Police Are So Often Ignorant Of The Law....

Mr Cupis said he contacted Tesco via Twitter and asked which article of law they were using to back up their policy on the number of fuel cans that can be filled.

He said he was told that a “maximum of two containers" for the carrying of fuel is allowed by law under the Carriage of Dangerous Goods and the European Agreement Regulations.

But Mr Cupis said he believed that was incorrect.

"Why are they threatening to report people to the police with a law that doesn’t exist?" he said.

What's the chances of finding a cop who'd even bother to investigate? Especially in Essex!

I Detect A Flaw In Your Argument...

In a statement, Walker-Brown said: “I recognise also that the law allowed the police to chase me when I tried to run away from them. But what they were not entitled to do is to use a Taser on me when they knew that I did not pose any threat to them whatsoever: I was running away from them.”

And why were you running away from them? Was it because you didn't want to be caught with drugs for the third time?

“I was running away from them precisely because of the threat they posed to me and my safety: a threat that, as a young black man, I could not afford to ignore. I know that I could have easily joined the long line of other black men who have died at the hands of the police.”

You'd been stopped previously and were still alive, though. You don't appear to have even got a fine. 

So maybe there wasn't such a need to run, eh?

Is That An Unusual Number..?

I mean, I assume they get through quite a few of the things, and...

Oh.

Mexican authorities have confirmed that 20 people were killed when a group of gunmen stormed a cockfight, in a small town in the western state of Michoacán.

Mexican army and national guard troops were deployed on Monday morning to capture the assailants, but it remained unclear which of the region’s many organized crime groups they belonged to.

When you have so many you can't keep track, you know you're a Third World hellhole! 

Rewatchable TV April: Burn Notice

I missed this show in its initial run, probably because it clashed with something else, which turned out to be a bit of a blessing, as when I discovered it I had two and a half seasons to binge-watch the first time around.  

It made it to an impressive seven seasons - and the casting was spot on, with fan favourites Sharon Gless and the inimitable Bruce Campbell in the supporting cast, and a host of soon-to-be fan favourites (Tricia Helfer, etc) backing up Jeffrey Donovan as the main character. 

Half McGyver, half Jason Bourne, he was an engaging character and the plotlines often achieved twists and turns that kept you guessing. The jury's still out on Gabrielle Anwar's Belfast accent, however!

What Happened To The Rule Of Law?

A Russian-owned superyacht worth £38million was detained yesterday by the UK’s anti-kleptocracy unit.

We have a what now..?!

UK investigators believe the boat, called Phi, belongs to a Russian businessman named Sergei Georgievich Naumenko. It is the first ever yacht to be detained in UK waters due to sanctions.

But mystery remained over the precise reason Phi had been detained because Mr Naumenko does not appear on sanctions lists.

Then...how can they seize his property? 

Phi was first identified as being potentially Russian owned on March 13. Investigators were left questioning how the wealth of the ‘small fry’ businessman, who is understood to work in property, matched the value of the custom-built superyacht.

But a source said the boat had been impounded over concerns a wealthy oligarch was actually being ‘shielded by a pretend owner’.

Don't they have to prove it first before seizure? Or is it open season on anyone with a Russian accent now? 

And wouldn't it be nice if they showed the same vigour when dealing with other nationalities? 

Just Daffy...

A council has been branded 'totally bonkers' after it said it would stop planting daffodils for health and safety reasons...

*blinks*  

...in case children eat them.

Where is this town of inbreds, then? Wales? Scotland? 

Well, would you believe...Cornwall?

St Blaise Town Council in Cornwall, has also denied cutting more than 1,000 of the flowers down after residents planted them in a park.

Dr Mark Evans, from the South West Health Protection Unit, said: 'Daffodils are toxic and severe vomiting and diarrhoea can occur if eaten by mistake.

'Although very unpleasant, most people will recover fully without treatment.'

St Blaise Town Council confirmed it would no longer plant daffodils for health and safety reasons after recent play park inspection training.

Not the sort of training it appears they need most, is it? 

Mr West said: 'I'm just bewildered by their decision. This the craziest thing I have heard. Children don't eat daffodils.

'The community will be really sad and disappointed when daffodils bring so much joy to so many.

'The ivy growing along the wall is poisonous. Eating the rubber from the play park climbing frame is poisonous. Where do you stop?'

Please don't give them ideas, Mr West... 

If You're Genuinely 'Shocked' By This, You're An Idiot...

Just 38 per cent are happy with the service from family practices – with more unsatisfied than satisfied for the first time.

The approval rating for GP services plummeted during the pandemic, from 68 per cent in 2019 to the lowest level since polling began in 1983.

It's hardly suprising, given their woeful performance during covid... 

The findings come from the 2021 British Social Attitudes survey, which also found public satisfaction with the NHS as a whole has fallen to the lowest level in a quarter of a century.

Ditto! But what about all that hero worship and clapping? 

Dan Wellings, senior fellow at the King’s Fund, which analysed the results along with the Nuffield Trust think-tank, said the NHS enjoyed a ‘halo effect’ during the pandemic – with patients supportive but unsatisfied – but this fell away last year as other parts of society opened up.

In other words, the majority of people realised they'd been conned. And the ones we really should have been clapping were bin-men, plumbers, and Tesco shop workers.

Professor John Appleby, chief economist at the Nuffield Trust, described the results as ‘shocking’.

Really, prof..? 

Professor Martin Marshall, chairman of the Royal College of GPs, said: ‘We are extremely disappointed and saddened by these findings, which reflect a service working under crippling staffing and resource pressures during the pandemic.’

Funny, you seemed to have enough doctors and nurses to perform Tik-Tok videos... 

Professor Stephen Powis, national medical director of NHS England, said staff have worked ‘flat out’ treating 300,000 patients in hospital with Covid, administering vaccines and delivering routine care for millions of people.

And regularly popping up on Twitter, radio and the MSM to whine about 'Toree cutz' at the drop of an invitation, don't forget that takes time, too... 

An Unpleasant One Awaits Future Victims...

A drug courier who transported heroin from Cornwall to Merseyside thought he was going to get five years in jail but was given a "pleasant surprise" by a judge.

Wait, what? *checks date* No, not an April Fool...

Joseph Duffy was caught transporting £22,000 heroin and £8,200 cash into Merseyside and told police: "I’ll get five years for this".

A judge at Exeter Crown Court told Duffy that he had a nice surprise for him and then jailed him for less than half the time he expected.

And I bet he serves less than that.... 

Recorder Mr Kevin de Haan, QC, reduced the sentence after hearing that Duffy had been exploited by a County Lines gang because he suffers from ADHD, dyslexia and suspected autism.

*rolls eyes* 

He plans to resume his work as a van driver when he is released.

Explains a lot about the state of driving these days... 

"I felt a great disturbance in the boardroom, as if millions of HR managers suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced."

"I fear something terrible has happened."

Well, if that's not a recipe for disaster - and a licence for every workshy employee out there - I don't know what is!

The legal requirement to self-isolate after a positive Covid-19 test in England ended on February 24. But ministers have issued fresh guidance to people who feel unwell as well as those who test positive for the virus.

*sighs* Do these people never foresee any consequences? Or is that because, for them, there's rarely any?

It's OK, Because 'Life Means Life', Right..?

A teenager who regularly watched videos about serial killers carried out a "vicious and brutal" attack on a disabled schoolgirl.

The 17 year old attacker – who can't be named for legal reasons – stabbed his terrified victim at least 99 times after luring her to a secluded park known as The Orchards in Sittingbourne.

Wait, why can't he be named? He's been found guilty! 

The teenager has now received a sentence in which he will be held in custody for life. An application to lift the order banning his identity being published was turned down.

So when he gets out - and he will get out, probably before the victim's physical scars have faded - no-one can know who he is. Is this justice? 

Hey, 'Mail' Editor, 'Highlander' Was Fiction, You Know....

...so I'm pretty sure you can only be killed once.

Those Sneaky Homophones Again...

Even I totally missed this one at first!

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

Sunday Funnies...

Because no movie's ever a total waste...wait, what are you doing in there, 'X-Men:The Last Stand'..?

'Mother Of The Year' Award Is Going To Be A Tough One This Year...

'They support each other. They are still together. Their plan is they will get their children back and put this matter behind them,' Mr Moss said.

'It's something that he will never forgive himself for.'

It's something any normal mother deserving of the name would never forgive him for, wouldn't you think? 

Elon's mother Abigail Ellis, 28, was initially charged with the same offence, but prosecutors asked for a not guilty verdict to be entered in her case.

Wait, what? Why? She's every bit as culpable... 

Mr Thyne said that in April 2020, five months before the fatal incident, Ms Ellis went to a GP with her son, who had a bite wound on his right thigh. The doctor was told that the boy had been bitten by a stray dog, but he revealed in a police interview after Elon's death that in fact it had been Teddy that bit him, the court heard.

Our justice system isn't fit for purpose. And since neither is our child protection service, I expect this wretched couple will get the children back too... 

The New Black Market...

According to a report by German newspaper Bild, “someone is making a fortune” out of giving non-Ukrainian economic migrants fake Ukrainian passports so they can slip into western Europe and get free welfare.

And how was this discovered? Well, when they started acting less like genuine refugees fleeing a war-torn country, grateful for the help, and more like the usual suspects: 

More than 50 migrants clashed on Saturday night during a riot at a refugee facility in Munich as chairs and paving stones were used as weapons, prompting a huge police response.

Sounds familiar, doesn't it? 

Bild cited a police source who said the overwhelming majority of the “refugees” were from the Sinti and Roma ethnic groups and that, “Only a fraction are really Ukrainian refugees.”

“They have brand-new Ukrainian passports, which are also real. Someone in Ukraine is making a fortune right now,” the newspaper quoted the police representative as saying.

The fight at the asylum center broke out “after authorities attempted to separate some of the individuals who have scabies,” reports ReMix News.

To think in the UK the height of black market profiteering during wartime was nylon stockings... 

H/T: i.r.jackson via email

Imagine What He'll Be Like At Five....

A four-year-old hasn’t been allowed in his classroom for a month after...

No, I know what you're thinking! But it's not Wuhan Flu. 

...being suspended more than five times in the space of six months, with his mum...

Apologising profusely?  

...slamming school bosses for a lack of support.

*sighs* Of course not. 

Wheel out the usual excuses! 

The mum insists she told school leaders that her son “gets frustrated and struggles with his emotions” and that he may be on the autistic spectrum, but was told it wouldn’t be a problem for him to attend.

They probably thought it wouldn't be, after all, just how bad could a four year old be? 

Some of the incidents leading to suspensions included “being dangerous with scissors” and “being violent towards staff”.

Well, that answers that question! 

You Can Take The Men Out Of Pakistan...

...but you can't - ah, well, I'm sure you know the rest:

A fight broke out in court as three men and a teenage boy were jailed over the killing of a man who was stabbed to death through a van window after being ambushed in a car park. Raheem Hanif, 26, was fatally stabbed and his father Abdul, 47, injured after they were set upon by a gang armed with baseball bats and a machete outside their home near Reading on February 6 last year.

Why come to a country and then try to make it like your own, albeit with colder weather? 

...police had to be called to the courtroom when the defendants began squaring up to each other after the jail terms were handed down by Judge Heather Norton.

Further fights broke out in the street outside the court between relatives of the defendants, with at least one person taken into custody by police.

I suspect this isn't the last we'll hear of this sort of tribalism...