Post Title Of The Month

Anna returns to her rightful spot:

Quote Of The Month

Ah, autumn. And Bill Sticker notes a regular occurrence:

I found said dreaded wee beastie’s brother (Or sister, with spiders it’s hard to tell. Is there such a profession as ‘Spider sexer’?) in the tumble drier this morning and decided to deploy the heavy artillery, otherwise known as the vacuum cleaner, which is the nuclear option as far as spiders are concerned. Those that learn to keep out of the way of humans live, those that don’t, die. This is the way of things since Mrs Ug first screamed at Mr Ug to get rid of this horrifying half inch nightmare from their cave. You’d think that after the last couple of hundred thousand years of evolution the spiders would get the hint that humans are bad news, but no. Hi-ho.

Post Of The Month

I suppose it's inevitable that as summer turns to autumn, and we look towards the dying of the year, thoughts turn to mortality. And so we have a tie this month.

David Thompson and Nathan Constable both tackle a sensitive subject with success.

I Said "I'D LIKE A COFFEE! COFFEE PLEASE!"

"...oh, hell, never mind. I'll go to Starbucks instead."

A cafe staffed almost exclusively with deaf people has opened as the first of its kind in the country.

You can just imagine it, can't you?

As well as a café, it is hoped the venue will become a hub for home-schooled children and a welcoming place for refugees to learn English.

Errr, you're not really selling it to me.

The not-for-profit venue is still very much in its early phase without an oven, deep fat fryer, fridge, freezer, dining tables or till and so a fundraising campaign for £7,500 has been launched.

I...

Wait, what?

Not All Terrorists Pray To Allah...

Northlands Place, Essex:

“We have rung the police but nobody comes out and nothing gets done. We are effectively policing our own street by confronting these people.”

Another man added: “Myself, my wife and my daughter are suffering day and night.

“I have reported many hate crime incidents, racism and vandalism, every day.”

Clayton, Manchester:

Sande Saghabas, 56, said all the residents are living constantly on edge. She said the gang were armed with a machete on Friday and chasing people down the street. The retired store detective, who has had six tyre punctures in one month, has called the police 40 times since April.

'I complained to the police, we all have, they sent two special constables who didn't know the area - but nothing has been done. They say they can't prove who it is.

'We are living on our nerves - it won't be long before someone is seriously hurt.

'We can't just sit back and let his happen. We fret for our animals - we are scared for our children and grandchildren.'

Essex excuses:

Chief Insp Shaun Kane, district commander for Basildon, said: “Antisocial behaviour should not be dismissed and nobody should suffer any discomfort in their own come.

"Clearly I am very concerned to hear about the problems our residents have been facing and I want to reassure them that I am fully committed to tackling these issues.

"We do not tolerate criminal activity, hate crime or anti-social behaviour in our communities.

"I have commissioned an urgent review of all anti-social behaviour incidents reported in the Northlands Park area and will produce a policing plan and multi-partner strategy to target those intent on causing misery to others.”

Manchester excuse:

A Manchester City Council spokesman said: 'Anti-social behaviour can make residents' lives a misery and we work closely with the police to investigate complaints and resolve them whenever possible.

'Officers from North Manchester and Tameside are currently in a joint operation to deal with the ongoing issues.

'Officers are working with Manchester City Council and Eastland Homes to provide much needed youth intervention and diversion schemes to the area.'

Is it me, or are they all singing from the same hymnsheet?

Another Journalism 'FAIL!'...

A grieving mum is unable to claim her daughter’s ashes because her violent ex-boyfriend signed for their collection.

Boo! Hiss!

She has spent the past four years being told her daughter’s ashes will remain at Adam & Greenwood Funeral Home in Billericay, Essex, despite Chloe having her daughter’s birth and death certificates.

“I’ve been on the phone to them [Adam & Greenwood] every day saying I want her home with me,”

Chloe said. “All they keep saying is he [Bluestar-Hill] needs to sign for it.

“He [Bluestar-Hill] hasn’t even bothered to call up and say he wants her ashes.”

Is he a monster? Oh, undoubtedly!

Chloe, who lives in Dagenham, suffered daily black eyes at the hands of her ex-boyfriend and was also beaten regularly with belts.

But if that's the whole story....why is there an injunction against her?

An injunction prevents her from directly or indirectly contacting Bluestar-Hill – who pleaded guilty to wounding with intent to cause grievous bodily harm and two charges of assault occasioning actual bodily harm – so even when he is released she would not be able to collect the ashes from him.

Very curious. You'd think the local paper might want to do some journalism, wouldn't you?

But you'd be wrong.

I Suppose It's Just As Well Corbyn's Reelection Puts Labour Beyond The Pale...

British Muslims should be given a new way of reporting hate crimes that bypasses the police, because the Government’s controversial Prevent anti-extremism strategy has ruined trust between the two parties, Andy Burnham has suggested.

We should have a way of reporting crime that doesn't include the crime-fighters, eh? Sterling work, Burnham!

Mr Burnham, who is Labour’s candidate for Mayor of Greater Manchester, compared Prevent to the French ban on the burkini swimming costume and said it “singles out one community for different treatment”.

Yes. Well, so what? Maybe that 'community' requires it..?

“If governments are doing things to almost legitimise things in some way by saying this community does need to be treated differently, it does need to be watched at a local level, because there’s danger here in terms of behaviour, that is highly problematic.”

It does need to be treated differently, and it does need to be watched at a local level. Until we can all get on a train or a plane and visit a shopping mall without fear of an attack.

But then, as Fahrenheit211 points out, when did Labour worry too much about the genuinely oppressed?

'Simple And Honest'...

Rafique Muhammed, 59, “lost everything” when flames ripped through the car storage yard in Norbury Crescent earlier this month, despite nearly 50 firefighters battling for more than three hours to control the inferno.

Oh dear!

A total of five vehicles, including Mr Muhammed’s caravan, were incinerated in the fire, which also destroyed a nearby railway embankment and forced the evacuation of more than 40 people from their homes.

Well, never mind, I'm sure his business insurance will pay up.

Wait. What?

The mechanic had only recently purchased the caravan, after doctors warned him that three years of living in his car repair workshop had damaged his health.

Ummm...

Now Mr Muhammed has been forced back to sleeping on the workshop floor and, after losing at least £500 cash in the fire, friends struggle to see how the “simple and honest” mechanic can go on.

Anis Thohan said: “We don’t know how he can survive. It’s a small business, and he has not any family here.

“This old man is alone and single. He’s very honest and I don’t know what he should do.”

So, probably not too much hope for the business insurance then?

Mr Muhammed, who is from Pakistan and speaks limited English...

ARGH!

According to Croydon Council, government legislation means that the authority cannot offer Mr Muhammed accommodation because he has a home in Pakistan.

*bangs head on desk*

Mr Thohan pleaded for someone to intervene. He said: “He went to the council and they said they haven’t got any property for him. He’s very simple and very honest.

“He’s lost everything.”

Well, no, he's got you helping him construct his sob story! Why don't you take him in? Because I'm not going to!

Wow! Car Valeting Pays Better Than I Thought..!

Stephen Sparks, prosecuting, told the court the self-employed car valeter was then approached by a security guard.

He said: “The defendant was challenged with a request for him to move his vehicle.

“At this stage he became angry and said: ‘Let’s have it’. He was being aggressive and getting in the officer’s personal space.

“He starts swearing and says he has ADHD and is going to ‘flip out’.

“Families and customers were watching. The police attend and he swears when they are in attendance.”

He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, clearly. Pretty fertile, though!

Roger Neild, mitigating, said Kalyan was “ashamed” and “sorry” for his actions but that he had been “exasperated” at not being able to find a parking space.

He said: “It was a very hot day. He had driven all the way from his home in Ilford with his partner and six children and no air conditioning.”

Probably couldn't afford a car with aircon, supporting six kids on a car valet's salary... /sarc

Kalyan was fined £160 and ordered to pay £85 costs and a £30 victim surcharge.

Going to have to wash a lot of Ford Escorts, isn't he?

Presumably, 'Getting Up Off It To Earn An Honest Living'...?

Mr Gordon read out a letter from Lewis-Barnes’ mother, Joan Lewis, pleading for leniency.

She said she depended on her son because she had problems with her back.

£5000 of drugs buys a lot of chiropracty...

Judge Samantha Leigh said she had given some credit to Lewis-Barnes thanks to the letter.

*sighs*

Lewis-Barnes was jailed for two years and six months, while Burrett was given an 18 month prison sentence, suspended for two years.

She was also ordered to complete a thinking skills programme and 100 hours of unpaid work.

She's 19, and clearly hasn't started doing any thinking yet...

When 'Challenge' Doesn't Mean What You May Think...

The campaign is run by the Brighton and Hove Food Partnership, Jamie Oliver’s Food Foundation and Brighton and Hove City Council.

Oliver said “It’s great to see so many people across the city up for getting involved with the campaign – taking a Sugar Smart challenge is a great way to start thinking about how to reduce the amount of sugar you consume.”

An even better was would be to not read his cook books.

And judging by the number I see unopened and pristine at boot sales, lots are following this advice!

The first challenge, which started yesterday (Thursday September 15) ) is “make your breakfast low-sugar”. All people need to do is like a Facebook page and send in a photo of their healthier breakfast.

YCMIU...

More Joy In Heaven, And All That...

“I have an element of anxiety when I’m out and the other day as I was crossing in Barnes High Street a cyclist whizzed through a red light and in front of me. I thought it was happening again.

“I’m not sure what can be done but there doesn’t seem to be any significant penalties for cycling on the pavement or for riders who whizz through red lights. The feeling I got from police was that there was nothing they could do in my case.

“Had this man hit an elderly man or my young daughter it could have been a different story.”

Says another anti-cycling driver who just wants to keep the roads all to themselves?

Well, no.

It's No Good, I've Checked Everywhere...

...in 'Settings', I've tried the 'Help'. read the manual, even asked Siri, and I just can't find them.

Are they new apps, maybe, and not features at all?

Well, He'll Never Match Up To His Father With This Menu...

...unless he moves to Korea, I suppose.

Sunday Funnies...

Can't help but think George R R Martin has .... plans.... for the Arbor, though!

I Guess 'Moana ' Was A Pretty Good Name For The Film...

People of color have been fighting for white people to stop appropriating and stereotyping their cultures with blackface, brownface, or yellowface costumes. It’s about time companies like Disney actually listen and stop making outfits that cross the line from cosplay to The Jazz Singer.

'Sacred tattoos' ...? *sighs*

The Miracle Of The Five Loaves And Two Fishes Two Bags Of Stale Breadsticks...

“I’m going to toss these,” my director says of the two bags of breadsticks left over after our open house. My coworker, Jack, and I look at each other wide-eyed before I quickly announce that I’ll take them. “Really? They’re gross and stale!” he exclaims. “Really,” I say, and look to Jack for confirmation that he wants some, too. “I’ve got six people to feed."

Blimey! Those two bags of stale breadsticks are going to have to stretch almost as far as my bloody credulity...

I’m glad I stuck around that night – because the leftovers from the open house fed me and Jack and some of my roommates for two days. I only wish our third food-insecure coworker had been there to take home some of the haul. I don’t think my boss had ever considered that his employees might be hungry before that night. It took a lot of guts for me to admit that I could use help, and I’m still afraid of the impact it might have on his perception of me as a valuable employee, but I’m glad I spoke up.

Oh, so am I. This is comedy gold!

Whether you’re coming from a place of compassion or a place of wanting your employees to be more productive, making sure they have enough to eat is essential.

No. Paying them money is essential. The alternative is slavery.

It's up to them to spend some of that money on food, and if they choose to spend it on 52" flatscreens or rent or holidays in Spain instead, well, that's no business of their employer.

But it seems 'food insecurity' is another stick these millenials are using to beat 'the man' with, so this idiot has actually come up with rules for employers! 

And yes, they are every bit as hilarious and infuriating by turns as you'd expect:

4. Whenever possible, allow privacy in staff kitchens, at shared tables, coolers, and other places staff may interact with non-claimed food.

Translation: "Fall upon the remnants of the meeting buffet like half-starved beasts..."

"Good meeting, Brad?" "Yeah, Accounts raised some issues, though, and HR want to... Ooh, rotten liver! 'Scuse me!"

6. Handle food theft carefully. Although, clearly, theft should not be tolerated in the workplace, sometimes people steal because they feel that they have to.

By which I'm assuming they mean 'When Janet from Reception complains that someone's stealing her yoghurt from the company fridge, berate her for not thinking of the poor unfortunate moochers co-workers.."

H/T: @Johnb78 via Twitter

"Wait, There Are Rules? No-One Told Us!"

Donna Wiggins, 55, her daughters Nicole Tilley, 34, Jade Tilley, 26, and daughter-in-law Sara Woodcraft, 31, paid £800 for a black ornamental fence to go around the edge of their grandparents’ grave.

However, they were horrified when at the end of August, they found a note on the grave telling them the railings, artificial rose and decorative stones breached the rules of St Katherine’s churchyard, in Long Road, Canvey and needed to be removed.

Ding! Ding! Ding! All aboard the chav's Outrage Bus!

“We should have been given rules when we bought the headstone but we weren’t aware that we couldn’t have the railings.”

Did you enquire before buying them? No?

A Fast Moving Investigation...

A dog is thought to have been thrown from the widow (sic) of a car driving on the A38 – breaking the poor animal's legs.

A Devon and Cornwall police spokesman said: "At this time, police only have third hand reports of how the dog came to be on the road and how it sustained its injuries."

Not that that stops the newspaper ferreting around on Facebook....

The spaniel believed to have been thrown from a car on the A38 was stolen from a nine year old boy, it has been claimed.

"She was taken from the bottom of our home today unaware. She is a very loved and looked after little girl.

"The vets are doing all they can for her. She is very much wanted by us all and we want karma for these sick people who did this. Words can't describe how upset we are."

Back to the police:

In a statement on the Devon & Cornwall Police website, a spokesperson said: "A local officer will be reviewing CCTV to see if any light can be shed on how this dog became injured and on the A38.

"As stated on the initial appeal, it was a third hand report of the dog being thrown from the car, which is why we appealed for witnesses.

"We are currently working under the impression that the dog had escaped from its home and ran across the road and sustained its injuries this way."

Oh, how heartless! Who could think such a thi...

Oh.

A dog found injured near Kennford Services last Thursday is now recovering - and police are satisfied that there has been no case of animal cruelty, or any attempts to steal the dog and this was simply an accident, despite inital (sic) reports claiming it had been thrown from a moving car, and subsequent claims it had been stolen from nine-year-old.

"Following enquiries, police have now discovered that the Trixie the King Charles spaniel had escaped from its home and was subsequently struck by a car near Marsh Lane. The dog was then taken to the services before a call was made to the police.

"Police are satisfied that there has been no case of animal cruelty, or any attempts to steal the dog and this was simply an accident. The owners of the dog have been located and the dog is now on the road to recovery.

"We would like to thank the public for their help with this matter and for the concern shown."

I bet you would like to say something else.

Coming Over Here, Driving Into Our Taxis…

The Romanian had moved to Britain three years earlier and was working as an Uber driver to send money home to his family after his father died.

One can only wonder how he drove his cab..!

CCTV recorded Mr Suruianu’s speed as between 52 and 60mph, but as he was believed to be braking for much of this time, his initial speed was probably higher.

Detective Sergeant Chris Osbourne said: “An average of 70mph would not have been far off it.”

I wonder if he'd have been prosecuted if he survived?

Coroner Dr William Dolman recorded a verdict of accidental death.

There being no verdict of 'totally unavoidable death cause by being a cretin'...

Nice Of The Litterbugs To Identify Themselves..

The displays are part of a joint exhibition, titled Another Crossing, by photojournalist Giovanna Del Sarto and artist Bern O’Donoghue.

Well, the council litter patroils will know who to blame, then!

As well as photos of newly-arrived refugees, the exhibition features paper boats handmade by Mrs O’Donoghue.

Facts about the refugee crisis are written on the paper boats, such as ‘one in four refugees is a Syrian’ and ‘developing countries host 86 per cent of the world’s refugees’.

So far, 8,000 paper boats have been translated into seven languages and spread around the world.

They'll stick out nicely amongst the anonymously-dropped Coke cans and empty kebab wrappers!

The commenters are in similar mood:

Heh! Well said.

Another Baby Seal Hostage....

The annual Hockley Christmas lights night has been ditched because of a lack of volunteers coming forward to help marshal the event as well as operational support, including moving around equipment on the day.

And volunteers have been found who will rush to.....moan about this in the local paper?

Oh.

John Pocklington from Orchard Avenue, Hockley, said it was a disappointment the celebration wouldn’t be taking place. The 71-year-old said: “Everyone is up in arms about this. It’s usually a big community event of the year, you can’t move it is so packed.

“Hundreds usually come and there are stalls, children dancing, and choirs - to move around was almost impossible because so many people turn up.”

You might think that the event is, therefore, a victim of its own success. And you'd be partly right.

Roy Martin, the chairman of Hockley Parish Council, explained: “ This year the parish council has encountered some late operational and safety challenges which we do not have the resources to resolve in time.”

It is also unlikely we will have the support of either the police or the fire service due to their other priorities.

So....what's happened here is the council get to shrug their shoulders and say 'Toree cutz, mate, innit?' Because that's easier than changing the event into something more manageable.

Yes, Those Are All Consequences...

Ms Toner said her client, who turned up late for her court appearance, had lived through an eventful 24 hours because she had returned to her council flat in Peterhead yesterday to find she had been evicted.

All her belongings were locked inside the property and she was appearing at court in the same clothes she had worn the previous day.

She was then forced to travel more than 30 miles to court in a taxi which she could barely afford because her friend let her down with giving her a lift into Aberdeen .

... of setting your Staffie on your 'friend'.

Sentence was deferred until October 5 at the High Court in Edinburgh for background reports.

On the dog..?

Translation: No Humans Involved...

Ladi Benson, 27, died at Broomfield Hospital on November 10 after being stabbed in the chest during a confrontation in Baddow Road, Chelmsford.

Mr Benson ran the Numero 77 shoe and clothes shop in Princes Street, Westcliff, and had lived in Southend before moving to Colchester. His inquest was held at Chelmsford Coroner’s Court today.

*settles in with popcorn*

The court heard Mr Benson had been travelling in a Range Rover with three friends when they started arguing with a pedestrian and a man on a bike.

All six men then became involved in a fight in the street, during which Mr Benson was stabbed once in the left lung.

Lovely!

DI Daniel Stoten, of the serious crime directorate, said the “extensive investigation” had resulted in no charges because his friends refused to cooperate.

Some 'friends'...

He said: “We did get cooperation from members of the public. They gave statements and attended ID parades but they didn’t pick out anyone in those parades.

“In relation to the three people in the Range Rover and the people in the road, they have not cooperated with us at all.

“They have not given any account.

“For this reason we are not able to place the murder weapon in the hands of the person responsible.”

He added: “As a senior investigating officer, I will present hypotheses as to what happens. “One is that he was stabbed by one of the suspects in the road. There is another hypotheses that a member of his group could have had a knife and stabbed Mr Benson is error.”

Ah. Nothing to see here, move along...

Why No Mention Of Breed..?

That farmer reported scenes of “a massacre” to Mr Hadley, who rushed to the scene with his shotgun.

West Mercia Police also deployed about 20 armed officers with helicopter assistance to find the dogs.

Yikes! That's more like a war zone than a farmer's field.

Mr Hadley said: “When I got to the field I could see the two dogs chewing on one of my lambs.

“When they spotted me they came rushing to the gate.

“I shot one of them twice, but it just got up and both of them ran to the woods.

“They had killed 31 lambs and left 14 injured.

“There were lambs running around with chunks of their face missing and we had to put them down.

“It was horrific to say the least.”

What the hell sort of dog takes both barrels and shrugs it off? Either Mr Hadley is as lousy a shot as I am, or these aren't just your average mongrels...

It is believed police have found and seized the two dogs involved in the attack.

A 64-year-old man from Risbury, Leominster, has since been arrested on suspicion of being the owner or person in charge of a dangerously out-of-control dog. He was released on bail until 16 October.

I'll be watching this one with interest.

Ever Wonder Why The Police Get All The Blame..?

The seven-year-old and her mother had fled the violent man but he tracked them down and killed his daughter on her doorstep. He had been sent their new address a few months earlier in divorce papers, a review has found.

Even when the girl's mother warned police about the mistake, they passed it to the wrong neighbourhood police team who did nothing.

Boo! Hiss!

It is not clear whether Alromisse received the documents with their new address as he had moved house by that time.

Oh....

Well, he could have! He could have collected his post!

He continued to use a private investigator after the letter was sent and the review found there was no evidence the letter was how he found her.

Well....errr....there was no evidence it wasn't, was there? We have to keep blame focussed on the cops, after all. Don't want anyone focussed on...other things about this case.

Do we?

Mr Alromisse had entered the UK as an illegal immigrant and gained asylum in 2004 after arguing there was a risk he would be persecuted in his native Egypt for having fought with Islamists in Bosnia and being part of a "radical religious group".

Cultural and religious factors may have increased Ms Shipstone's vulnerability, but there was a “reticence” by professionals to explore these. 

Detectives have not been able to find out where Alromisse got his gun.

Yes, we certainly don't want anyone looking too closely. Quick! Blame the cops again!

Hey, Doesn't Everyone..?

Tetteh, a graduate in international travel and tourism, said her boyfriend had asked her to keep the package for him because he was moving house.

She claimed she did not suspect the bag contained anything suspicious.

Yes, well, I always keep packages I don't think are suspicious wrapped inside a section of soil pipe in a locked bedroom....

Presumably, For Your Furniture's Pleasure..?

Oh, Tesco....!

What, Did They Run Out Of Bullets?

Who knew US sign language was deadly?!

Sunday Funnies...

No 2! I'm proud of you, England...

You Throw That Word Around A Lot...

Mrs Mohammed made continual criticisms of Merseyside Police and their handling of her son after a video emerged of officers and paramedics tending to a dying Mzee, with handcuffs still clasped to his wrists while he lay motionless and unconscious.

The mum said: “I want to ask the Lord to see justice for my son.

“I will not rest, I will walk in my son’s shoes until I get answers, and anyone who had a hand in my boy’s death will be brought to justice.”

...'justice', I mean. As if other people weren't deserving of it too. People being threatened by an out of control youth built like a brick outhouse:

Merseyside Police said they had received reports of a man running into a house in the Toxteth area at around 6pm “in a distressed state.”

Further calls were made to police, they said, about Mzee “behaving erratically at a number of locations throughout the city centre, including Liverpool One with a knife.”

He then suffered a medical episode, a police spokeswoman said.

Two dads have reported that Mzee threatened their 13-year-old daughters at knifepoint while demanding their mobile phones, but the former Shorefields School pupil’s family say they do not believe he was involved in those alleged crimes.

Of course they don't. Just like they don't believe in proofreading:

When 'Community' Doesn't Mean What You Think It Means...

Peter Harris says he and his supporters “absolutely reject” a pending retrospective planning application which would allow a shop in Hewett Road, Dagenham to become a tuition centre with community welfare activities.

What sort..?

It has been running in this capacity under the Dagenham Ummah Welfare Trust since 2009.

Ah.

“What I’m against is that a shop will be lost to a community centre or place of worship,” Mr Harris said. “I think the council should be doing more and should have a more robust process to protect local businesses.”

The controversy comes just a fortnight after Mr Harris demanded a judicial review over an application to convert a former post office in Dagenham to a mosque.

Good luck with that, Mr Harris. I think we all know how much success you'll have. As Fahrenheit 211 pointed out, we've indeed not heard the last of this case, but I'll be astonished if you win in the end.

A spokesman for the trust denied that it was being used as a place of worship. “DUWT does not intend to use the premises as a place of worship, accordingly, the planning application is only for a community and tuition centre,” he added.

Good intentions, eh?

“In the recent past, some users of the centre have utilised the premises for Friday prayers, however we are working with the council on it and, under their guidance, use of the premises for Friday prayers is being discontinued.”

So....you were using it.

How long are you going to discontinue it? Until the glare of publicity is off you, I'll bet...

Not One To Tax Sherlock Holmes, Methinks...

A police spokeswoman said there were no suspicious circumstances. She was unable to elaborate on the injuries sustained or how the boy came to be on the scaffolding.

Oh, I think we can all guess just what a 14 year old would be doing on scaffolding around a shopping precinct at 11:30 at night, can't we?

Why The Excessive Leniency..?

Karen Crielly’s 11-year-old mongrel Buster was out of control on two occasions and caused severe wounds to the two victims....Buster has now been given a stay of execution - as long as he is muzzled in public and never left alone with anyone under 16.

The rugby player it savaged was 24 years old..!

Mitigating, Andrew Wheldon asked for penalty to be in way of a higher fine - as other punishment may ‘damage prospects’ of future work or progressing at her current role in the financial section of a housing association.

Ah, well, if she's going to pay the full price for her animal's damage...

Crielly was ordered to pay £600 costs, £100 compensation and £85 victim surcharge.

That doesn't sound a lot to me, does it to you?

Buster was seized by police after the attack in May and has since racked up £1,600 in vaccination and kennels fees.

*sighs*

Yes, And Not Just For You, Either, Love...

Jay Brewerton, 45, from Bexhill, claims businesses and members of the public both discriminate against her because of Isaias, aged seven, who has two forms of severe autism.

Boo! Hiss!

His senses sometimes become overwhelmed and as a result, Jay says she has been banned from the same fast food outlet twice, refused service in a cafe and asked to leave various shops.

Oh, the poor mite! And his poor mother! How cruel the world is, just because her child is different!

Just how different is he?

"Isaias frequently becomes aggressive and violent because he wants to go home where he feels safe and he tries everything he can to gain control to make you leave. Make no mistake, it can be very challenging."

Hmmm, yes. For the shopkeepers and the other shoppers, mostly. Why not try Internet shopping, love?

Curiouser And Curiouser...

A frail 76 year old Gloucester man has admitted assaulting a woman in her 40s, causing her actual bodily harm.

He pleaded guilty to assaulting Sue Taylor causing her actual bodily harm on July 12 this year.

Hmmm....

Mr Jenkins said Madigan has one previous similar conviction in 2005. The current offence occurred in Madigan's own home, he said.

Really?

Peter Madigan of Bishopstone Road, Gloucester, was allowed to sit on a bench at the back of the city crown court rather than in the dock for Friday's hearing and his son was permitted to sit with him.

That's rather lenient, isn't it? It's almost as if he's the victim here, isn't it?

Mr Jenkins asked the police or Crown Prosecution Service to have 'a gentle word' with the victim because she had tried to get into Mr Madigan's home and on an earlier occasion had phoned him demanding £2,000 compensation.

"She is 48 years of age and a drinker and a word of warning may be appropriate in the circumstances," Mr Jenkins said.

Ah. It all becomes a bit clearer now.

Bailing Madigan, the judge told him all sentencing options would be available to the court next month.

Including 'telling the police and CPS to fuck off and not waste the court's time'..? I do so hope it does.

Serendipity...

The long-lost ship of British polar explorer Sir John Franklin, HMS Terror, has been found in pristine condition at the bottom of an Arctic bay, researchers have said, in a discovery that challenges the accepted history behind one of polar exploration’s deepest mysteries.

Well, how very fortunate...

And the casting so far looks pretty intriguing.

"What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse ..."

...especially the doghouses!"

A dangerous dog which judges ordered must be destroyed has gone missing in the Kennoway area of Fife.

Did it tunnel out? Dig through the wall, hiding the hole behind a poster of Rita Hayworth?

The dog, which was in the care of Langdyke Boarding Kennels, went missing during a walk in woodland between Langdyke and Bonnybank on Thursday.

Oh, for the love of..!

Kai was already on ‘death row’ in the kennels when judges at Edinburgh’s Sheriff Appeal Court upheld the order made in November last year at Forfar Sheriff Court.

The judges ruled in January that Kai still constituted a danger and must be destroyed.

So why the hell is the thing still alive and being walked in September?!?

Fife Police Division of Police Scotland used Facebook to warn the public of his disappearance.

The post on Friday said: “Although Kai does not belong to a banned breed he is unlikely to have eaten in over 24 hours and may be distressed.

“By way of a precaution we advise that you do not approach if you see him but instead notify police immediately on 101.”

It also said police were trying to reunite the dog with his owner.

Probably some numptie just cut and pasted from another post, but...surely they were trying to reunite him with his appointment with the vet?

Why, Yes, Of Course 'More Action' Should Be Taken...

Parents are still packing their children’s school lunchboxes with junk food, despite high-profile awareness campaigns on childhood obesity and guidance provided by consumer groups, research has found. The Leeds University study published on Tuesday found just 1.6% of packed lunches for primary school children met tough nutritional standards set for their classmates eating in the school canteen.

 ...I mean, perish the thought that there should be anything the state doesn't have any control over, eh?

The study, described as “eye opening” by lead researcher Dr Charlotte Evans, saw only a fractional improvement from a decade ago, when 1.1% of lunches passed the standard set for school meals.

I'm rather pleased to see that 98.9% of parents thought 'Sod you, nanny state! I'LL decide what I feed my kids'...

Naturally, the usual suspects be fewmin':

Evans said: “I hope the results of the study are an eye-opener, highlighting that more stringent policies need to be introduced if we want to see real change in the nutritional value of children’s packed lunches. New policies for schools, food manufacturers and retailers are needed, which will require strong support from government and stakeholders if progress is to be made.”

"People aren't obeying! Crack down HARDER!"

The report recommends that primary schools introduce a policy restricting sweetened drinks and encouraging water, salad and fruit. It also suggested parents pack smaller portions of the unhealthy snacks, such as packets of crisps that are around 15g rather than 26g and chocolate cakes and biscuits of 20g.

So schools should inspect all lunchboxes? FFS!

Sharon Hodgson MP, chair of the all-party parliamentary group for school food, said: “The research highlights the need for more action to be taken on food put in children’s packed lunches, something which the school food APPG has recently called for. Despite positive moves with regards to the food provided as part of a school meal, food brought in by children in their packed lunches is lagging behind. Therefore we need more action to be taken if we want to see positive changes.”

I think we do indeed need 'more action' to be taken. But I'd rather it was to strip these parasites of any government funding for their wasted time...

Gosh, Maybe We Shouldn't Be So Hard On Air China's Inflight Magazine..?

Randa Al-Harthi, 19, was with friends about to buy tickets to the screening when the violence broke out.

She told the Standard: “The two boys exchanged words at first and we all saw it coming, one just jumped the other and kept punching his face.

“Others tried to get involved and it just escalated from there, that’s when I knew it was time to leave.

“Personally I wasn’t scared, it was just uncalled for and annoying. What I saw happens all the time.”

Which is why I don't go to the cinema any more...

A SOAS Student, Hmmm? What Are The Odds..?

Katouche Goll, 19, said she was left in tears after she was turned away by bouncers at Video Visions Bar in Kingsland Road on Friday night.

The teenager, a student at SOAS, was born with cerebral palsy and uses walking sticks to aid her movement.

Well, you can understand a Dalston nightclub not wanting another two potential offensive weapons on the premises...

Nightclub bosses admitted Miss Goll was too great a “safety risk” to be allowed inside the venue, adding she arrived without informing staff of her condition.

She disputes this, and immediately took to social media to drum up Rentamob:

Miss Goll reported the incident on Twitter which sparked a mixed reaction from users and led some to call for a boycott of the venue.

She added: “I wanted to draw attention to it because I don’t think people should feel comfortable going to places that not everyone can go to.”

Well, then, I look forward to you organising a similar campaign here.

Maybe I'm Cynical, But This Is Too Much To Swallow...

The social services boss at the centre of the Baby P scandal says she worries people will try to kill her when she travels on the London Underground.

How? Knife, strangulation?

“Because I’ve been back in the media, even when I came here today, I was in the Tube station and right back against the wall.

“And then when I changed tube, I was still aware that people might recognise me again.

“I don’t go on to the platform when the Tube’s not there. I stay right back in the corridor until it comes in. I don’t go anywhere near the edge.”

Hmmm, I'm not too sure how getting your picture printed in the 'Evening Standard' helps with that, love!

"Make sure you get my good side!"

And...just why are you in the media again? Why are you determined to get your phizzog in all the papers, if you have a genuine fear..?

Oh, wait. That's right. You have a book to flog, don't you?

And you know just how to bait the newspapers into giving you free publicity, don't you?

"And as the flames climbed high into the night, to light the sacrificial rite..."

"...I saw Satan laughing with delight, the day the music died..."


Fifteen years. And yet, in so many ways, it feels like it was just last week.

Normal service will resume next Sunday...

No More Notting Hill Carnival? Whoopee!

The Metropolitan police had asked the council to shut down the famous August Bank Holiday festival after the huge crime rate and the stabbings.

In documents provided to the council, superintendent Stuart Ryan wrote: “If the carnival is permitted to remain open and operating in its current form, then there is a strong possibility that further knife crime and petty thuggery will occur.”

In the early hours of Wednesday morning, Scotland Yard confirmed that the decision had been taken to close the Notting Hill Carnival, adding that police had “felt the need to act due to concerns about the safety of those attending the festival due to the supply of class-A drugs in the venue and the recent stabbings”.

A spokesperson added: “We support this decision made by the council’s licensing committee.

“London has a world renowned leisure economy and people should be able to enjoy it safely, without concerns of serious crime. The Met is committed to working in partnership with those responsible for this sector to ensure that this happens.”

Ha ha ha! Just kidding.

And Where's Her Apology To Sussex Police?

Sussex police are finally to apologise to the mother of a disabled 11 year-old girl four years after her daughter was restrained in a spit hood but are refusing to rule out using the controversial technique on children again.

Quite right, too. Has this woman no flicker of shame? She's the one who called the police in the first place!

Matt Webb, chairman of the local branch of the Police Federation, representing rank and file officers, also defended their use to protect his members from illness.

He said: “It is absolutely unacceptable to have the view that an officer should allow themselves to be spat at by a member of the public no matter what their age and mental capacity.

“It is a vile and disgusting form of assault and any force that fails to provide spit hoods to officers is, in our view, neglecting their duty of care to officers.

“I don’t see it makes any difference whether it is a child spitting at me or an adult, the potential is still exactly the same in regard to the risk to an officer or an individual.”

Good for you, Matt. Pity the top brass don't have the balls to tell this inadequate parent just where to go.

And that they won't be turning up the next time her brat kicks off, unless an innocent member of the public is threatened.

Paging Pseud's Corner...

Dreda Say Mitchell in the 'Guardian' pontificating on the 'Coronation Street' joke furor:

The notion that someone would think it’s acceptable for a white, female character to trivialise Kunta Kinte as she talks about her hair roots is also out of kilter with how many black women have been using their natural hair roots on a journey of political and social expression. For many black women, myself included, our hair has helped us to reclaim our cultural identity and redefine notions of beauty. This is captured in the great scene in How To get Away With Murder, where Viola Davis rips off her wig to reveal her natural hair, making black women worldwide punch the air.

...

...

Nope, me neither!

No, It's Not 'Like' This...

A senior Southend councillor has now called on the Government to change legislation to make the eviction process easier.

Tory councillor Mark Flewitt said: “There is no excuse, no one has the right to go on someone else’s land or property- they do not have licence to be there.

“They can cause a nuisance to the community and property owners sometimes. “

 ...it is a case that they do, indeed, have more rights than everyone else:

Mary Brown, who lives in Westcliff said she was frustrated with the situation.She added: “It’s frustrating because no one can do anything, it is like they have more rights than the residents and businesses.

“It’s not the council’s problem, or the police’s and it can take so long and cost a fortune to take them to court to get rid of them.

“There is such an issue with travellers in Southend, more needs to be done.”

And nobody in authority cares. You're just the little people whose taxes pay for the indulgence of their social consciences.

I'm Guessing The Reason For This Is....

...so that TV mirrors the 'Guardian's' feminist output..?

In a recent interview, Waller-Bridge said, “I know a lot of my female peers feel really angry. I think that a woman’s response at first is to feel guilty and apologetic about it without knowing why … The idea of the ‘angry young man’ is so deeply embedded [in culture] but the angry young woman seems never to be addressed.” With Fleabag, she’s done just that.

Compulsive viewing ahead, I bet.

Well, I Never..!

Hmmm...

How'd I know there'd be a marvelous collection of chavnames there, reader?

I just did...

Clearly, A Very Slippery Customer...

A Gloucester man has been told he will stand trial on a charge of possessing an extreme pornographic image of a person performing oral sex with a fish.

Tony Holder, 50, of Evenlode Road, Tuffley, Gloucester, has denied the offence.

If it's proven, he'll have had his chips...

Drumming Up A Bit Of Business, Are We?

Cllr Kirk-Robinson, who was elected to her Westhoughton seat in 2015, is a Hate Crime Ambassador and added: “The incident has been referred to Greater Manchester Police, and therefore is now out of my hands.

“As a Hate Crime Ambassador, I always urge people to report hate crime when it occurs and I will continue to do so.”

Well, you enjoy that hammer, but don't be too surprised to see all those nails everywhere....

Hey, Craig, I Know How You Can Listen To Uncensored Songs...

Craig Bird, who is currently serving a sentence at Chelmsford Prison, wrote to Inside Time, the national newspaper for prisoners.

Bird wrote to agree with another correspondent who had complained about detainees being "treated like children". He said: "Even National Prison Radio chop out swear words and violent lyrics from the songs we hear, and what is the point of that?"

"The banning of 18+ games and movies is crazy when you consider what we can see on television. "We are grown adults, not fluffy little munchkins that have to be protected by the prison nanny.

"For god’s sake, National Prison Radio even cut a line from Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody – ‘Put a gun against his head, pulled the trigger now he’s dead’ – why?

"We all know the lyrics anyway; it has been played millions of times on the bloody BBC. It is time the prison system stopped this mollycoddling and treated us like adults."

...it's easy, just don't commit crime and get sent to prison.

I followed this advice, and I can listen to 'Bohemian Rhapsody' anytime I want!

The commenters, as you might guess, are about as sympathetic as me:

/applause

Slow News Day, Again..?

Piccadilly Rats dancer ‘Tommy Trouble’ aka Tommy Piggot, 75, called into the Piccadilly Gardens branch of Subway on Saturday and asked for an empty cup, which he intended to decant his own drinks into later in the day.

The pensioner, who is recovering after a nasty fall earlier this year, was taken aback when staff allegedly told him they would have to charge him £1.10 for the empty cup, but decided to pay it anyway.

Man demands free stuff, doesn't get it! News at eleven!

A spokesman for Subway said outlets are run independently and it is up to the owner of each restaurant whether to hand out paper cups for free, or to charge to fill it with a drink bought in the shop.

That's a bit 'passing the buck', isn't it? Who is this impoverished pensioner, anyway?

The Piccadilly Rats are well-known for their dodgy dancing and wacky performances in Manchester city centre.

Former rag and bone man Tommy ended up in hospital earlier this year with four broken ribs, facial injuries and a fractured eye socket after falling five feet from a truck during the Manchester Irish Parade.

Ah. A busker, in other words.

H/T: @cheshiretoad via Twitter

If Judge Graham Has A Daughter, I Hope She Never Brings This Man Home...

Judge Ian Graham told the court he decided to spare Adams further time in jail because of the mitigating factors.

Adams was handed a 12 month sentence, suspended for 18 months, and ordered to complete 100 hours of community service and pay £1,500 in compensation and £300 costs.

A minor matter..?

Ian Clift, mitigating, said the attack was a “short-lived incident” and “completely out of character.”

He said Adams has been unable to care for his terminally ill mother and his construction firm has also suffered because he has been in custody since the attack.

Awww, poor man! He's more the victim here, I suppose? I mean, what did he do, a bit of littering?

CCTV played during the trial at Basildon Crown Court showed Miss Clarke arriving at about 5.30pm on Thursday, May 19, and blanking Adams - who was perched at the bar.

Caroline Milroy, prosecuting, said: “She didn’t pay any attention to him and went and sat at the top part of the bar.

“She was grabbed by Mr Adams, who said: ‘Enough of your b*******. You are not coming in here.’

“He then picked up a half-pint glass, threw the contents in her face, changed it into his right hand and smashed the glass in to her face.

“He then punched her to the right eye and hit her to the back of the head. She had to cower down to protect herself.

“She says that while this is happening he says: ‘Not so cocky now, are you?’”

The graphic pub CCTV footage showed Adams following up the glass attack with a volley of up to eight punches to the head with his right and left hands.

Miss Clarke was seen looking dazed as she stumbled around the pub with blood pouring from a wound around her right eye.

That's our justice system, folks! Give it a big hand now...

 
via GIPHY

But You're Not The One Taking The Risk, Are You?

Jacob Edwards, prosecuting, said: “The victim, a 69-year-old woman, was in Southend High Street at around lunchtime.

“This defendant approached her from behind, grabbed her handbag from her shoulder and took it from her.

“That caused her to spin around, but fortunately no injuries were sustained.

“A number of members of the public pursued the defendant. As a result, he threw the bag to the ground, so it was recovered relatively shortly afterwards.”

Whew! All's well that ends well.

Mr Edwards said: “He was apprehended fairly quickly by the officers through CCTV.

“He was interviewed and told police that he had seen the woman and wanted to see if people still cared and that he took the bag for a joke.

“He said that prior to taking the bag he had given the victim a thumbs up so she knew it was a joke.”

That's a novel excuse!

But Judge David Owen-Jones said that the pensioner had, in fact, been left “scared.”

In a victim impact statement, Mr Owen-Jones said she the woman told how “her heart was racing and she felt vulnerable.”

He added: “This kind of offence has a great impact on elderly persons.”

Judge not buying it? Well, well, well.

Harry Potter (Ed: !!), mitigating, said the offence took place while Hardy was not taking medication for mental health problems.

Lots of that about lately...

Sentencing Hardy to 18 months in prison, suspended for two years, Mr Owen-Jones said any further offending would see him locked up.

Wait, what? Was it a first offence?

The court heard Hardy had carried out an almost identical theft in Woolwich, south London, in 2013- on that occasion stealing an umbrella.

Hmmm...

“This is the second time you have robbed somebody in exactly the same way.

“In 90 per cent cases, people involved in street robbery they go straight inside, if they to it twice then it’s almost automatically inside.

“I’m willing to take a risk and a risk it is.

“But if you break the order you will come back before me and straight inside you will go for a period of between one and four years.”

But you're not the one taking a risk. Are you? If he goes on to commit more crime (and really, what are the odds?) nothing will happen to you.

Heard Of Buffalo? Yes, I've Heard Of Them, Why Do You Ask..?

...oh. Right.

I'm Not Sure This Is A Typo...

...it might just be drug dealers getting more creative with the delivery system!

Sunday Funnies...

Koalas - cute, right? Bleurgh!

#FirstWorldFeministProblems

While most gamers are concerned with the tracking system (or lack thereof), battles, trading, and myriad other aspects, the feminist publication Jezebel has taken issue with the game’s lack of curly hair, of all things.

Oh, good grief..!

A new piece titled “The Invisible Girls of Pokemon Go” makes an attempt to imply that the game’s developers at Niantic are racist, or at the very least blind to “diversity,” for having limited options for skin tones and none for hair styles.

The article’s author complains that her children and their friends “could not create a realistic avatar for themselves,” as if anyone else is able to do so without issue.

Because that's the most important thing about a game. Clearly.

Given that every individual player in the game resembles a crude character done in the style of Japanese anime — without any of the flair found in Japanese media, it’s difficult to fault a small company operating on a limited budget like Niantic for not including more detailed customization options, especially when the present game is as barebones as it is.

It is for most people, yes, but these folks practice a lot, and they are good at it!

With any luck, Pokemon Go will eventually offer more support for character customization, but Niantic has far more pressing issues to deal with for the foreseeable future if they intend to make the game sustainable in the long run. Accusing the developers of erasing black girls betrays a sense of paranoia over developers who simply don’t have the time or resources to work on an element so far down their list of priorities.

They are pretty good at inculcating a sense of paranoia too. If only they put half as much effort into playing (and enjoying) games, they might be happier people...

Comparing Apples And Orangutans...

“The day after they were arrested there was an [English Defence League] march where all the tram lines were shut down and sections of the city were brought to a standstill at the cost to the taxpayer to the tune of about £200,000,” said Shah.

“Obviously [the anti-racism protesters] feel aggrieved that nothing is done in relation to those people that are marching, where there was basically a shutdown of the whole [city centre], and yet when they’re trying to make their [protest], they are then arrested for obstructing the highway.”

But the EDL march didn't have the express intention of bringing a halt to the city, did it? It was the usual suspects turning up to have a ruck that caused the increase in spending¬

Nor is that the only difference:

Shah acknowledged that, unlike the EDL demonstrators, his clients had not obtained permission from the police to hold their protest, but he said that although both groups had similar objectives, to protest, he believes his clients were treated differently to the EDL supporters.

Both groups did not have 'similar objectives'. Far from it! But don't take it from me....

A statement from the group, released on the day of the protests said: “This morning UKBLM have #Shutdown roads in London, Birmingham, Manchester and Nottingham to mourn those who have died in custody and to protest the ongoing racist violence of the police, border enforcement, structural inequalities and the everyday indignity of street racism.”

See? They are stupid enough to tell you exactly what they plan.

An Everyday Story Of Essex Folk...

Jamie George, of Lych Gate, Laindon, caused Canvey’s High Street to be closed for several hours after he refused to get down from the roof of the Admiral Jellicoe pub on May 28.

Despite police officers spending hours trying to coax him down, George would only voluntarily move off the roof when his mum turned up, Basildon Magistrates’ Court heard yesterday.

Jeez....

Magistrates adjourned the case until September 8 at the same court for a pre-sentence report to be carried out. He was released on bail on the condition that he resides at his home and he does not contact Ms Cox directly or indirectly.

He must also not visit Canvey.

I'm unsure if that's a punishment or a reward..?

It's A Mystery, And A Puzzle, And An Enigma...

A friend said Mr Aderemi "was just a lovely person that looked after the community".

Hours after the teenager was stabbed, Tony Brady posted on Twitter: "Today I got the news that I lost one of my best friends. I'm sorry you had to go so soon, I'll cherish some great memories. RIPAndre."

In a later post he described Mr Aderemi as "such a nice kid [who] just hung around with the wrong people".

It's always the good who go first, isn't it?

Another former classmate said he had lost touch with Mr Aderemi after secondary school, but said the pair had been friends.

He added: "Andre was a smart and vibrant individual from a young age that simply hung around with the wrong individuals."

Hmm, I wonder what they mea...

Oh.

A memorial containing gang signs! Classy!

The teenager's sister Sheniqua has set up a GofundMe page to raise money for her Mr Aderemi's funeral.

Another sign of class!

Mr Andremi's mother, herself a teacher at the Oasis Academy where he studied, said she had moved the family away from the estate.

But her son's attachment to the area and his friends that lived there kept drawing him back – and eventually to his death.

He had to keep that appointment in Samarra, didn't he?

Two 19-year-old men were arrested on suspicion of Mr Aderemi’s murder yesterday.

In what appeared to be veiled references to the circumstances of her son's death, his mother said: "Most importantly I want Andre's friend to know I don't blame you, I don't blame any of you.

Eh..?!?

Referring to her nephew's violent death just hours before, she said: "We don't pretend to understand what went on. Young people, we can't judge any of you, but we just ask that you just stop the warring."

Well, there you go. If you don't start judging them, the rest of us will.

Well Done, Judge Taaffe...

Readers of the Derby Telegraph have spoken out after a dog was ordered to be destroyed when it left a man hospitalised for three days following an attack.

Some dog-lovers have criticised a judge's decision to order that six-year-old Staffordshire Bull Terrier Ollie be put down after surgeons had to operate to mend seven of John Cantrell's fingers.

How do you even begin to try to understand people that think like this?

Luckily, the judge wasn't one of them...

At this week's hearing, Hatton, his wife and an animal behaviourist tried to convince judge Taaffe not to order that Ollie be destroyed. They told the court how the Staffie had never attacked anyone or any dog before and an independent assessment reached a conclusion that he was "not a danger to the public".

But Judge Taafe said: "I can't be satisfied that Ollie will not constitute a danger to the public and I am not satisfied in your (Hatton's) ability to control him."

Mr Cantrell was left with a £12,000 vet's bill for treatment to Bertie's "horrific" injuries and Judge Taaffe ordered that Hatton pay £7,500 compensation to help play towards the costs.

I doubt he'll see a penny. Pity the judge can't order the destruction of the owner too.

VirtueSignalling Level: Exalted

                                 

I told everyone the only paper I would speak to was The Independent. (Ironically, being decent and sensitive professionals, they were one of the few who didn't approach me, so eventually I approached them). 

 After talking about the misrepresentation of Mia’s death in the media as an act of terrorism on the part of an Islamic fundamentalist, the minister delivering the service suggested we include a Koranic reading, and he will find something suitable with a friend who is an Islamic scholar. 

...having been raised as a socialist and within the Church, what I choose to take from the scriptures and from socialist texts is that forgiveness and reparation are absolutely key, or violence escalates into something uncontrollable. And the person who killed Mia now has to live with the fact that they destroyed my daughter. If they feel no remorse, then surely they’re a monster in human form, and what kind of life is that?

I know people deal with grief in different ways, but this...?