Book Of The Month*

Mr Newman is a published author! Go read, you won't be disappointed...

* for this month only

Tweet Of The Month

New Year, same quick wit on social media:

Post Title Of The Month

Tim Newman reveals a gift for alliteration...

Quote Of The Month

DumbJon goes to town on the latest idiocy from the 'We must have a 'diversity policy' for hiring, what could possibly go wrong?' police farce:

See, this is the point. An allegation of a 'historic' sex crime is enough to destroy a man's life, but when we have complaints made by the deceased and his family *at the time* combined with a suspect who's records are dodgier than the clocks at Honest Joe's Car Emporium, suddenly it turns out that you can't trust chicks.

In fact, it's worse than that. The unsupported testimony of Ms Loony-Pants was enough to threaten a man's liberty and have his reputation destroyed, but we're not even allowed to question whether someone who - based on her own testimony - is incapable of basic record keeping should really be employed as a police officer, let alone promoted.

Post Of The Month

Leg-Iron shocks his doctor. No. Not like that...

When Is An Increase Not An Increase...?

Well, for heaven's sake, don't ask a Southend councillor!

Tony Cox, councillor responsible for transport, says the changes will benefit visitors and businesses.

...

“I don’t accept this as an increase in parking charges. We’ve frozen parking charges unlike the previous administration when charges rose extortionately.”

It doesn't really matter whether you 'accept it', does it? It clearly is an increase!

The change will mean those who wanted to pop into town for an hour for £1.10p will now have to fork out £1.90 for a two hour ticket.

A three hour stay costing £2.70 will, if the plans are agreed by cabinet, cost £4.70 and and a previous £5.70 five hour ticket will go in favour of six hours at £6.60.

One might ask if you're trying to shackle people to longer hours in a vain attempt to prop up the beggar-ridden, increasingly empty high street...?

That is, of course, exactly what you're doing:

He said: “A lot of people are meter feeding. We want to ensure people do stay. With one hour’s parking people are coming back to put in another hour and by doing that it works out more expensive.

“By doing this we increase revenue as as (sic) helping businesses in the High Street by ensuring people stay longer.”

And if that doesn't work - and it won't, judging by the comments! - what next? 

'What If' Is No Basis For Overbearing State Agencies...

Helen Daykin's little girls spent almost 24 hours with the body of their father after his sudden death.

When she rang in the morning she thought he was busy with the school run, then later that he might have lost his phone as there was no answer. At teatime, her mother drove over but couldn't open the door because Chris had left the keys in on the other side.

The milk was outside, the windows dark, so the police were called to break down the door.

 A terrible tragedy. But nothing's ever just that any more.

Pearl, who was four years old, had started school just a few weeks earlier. Iris was two.When a child doesn't attend, a school will normally call their contact number to check whether they are ill.

Pearl's school had tried Chris's number, but didn't ring Helen.

The school did nothing wrong here. They did what they were supposed to, but in her grief, and to assuage the sense of guilt that she must inevitably feel, this has now become a crusade. No longer just a sad codicil, this is now a lever to demand change, to insist someone 'do something':

Helen wants all schools to overhaul how they check up on children who don't arrive at school. She says second and third contact numbers and home visits should be part of their plans.

And, because she holds the status of 'grieving mother', bandwagon-jumpers everywhere will now scramble to unite behind her, no matter how ludicrous her demands.

Helen's campaign for better awareness is being backed by the Good Grief Trust charity, which has provided support through her bereavement.

Its founder, Linda Magistris, said: "A parent dies in this country every 22 minutes, and that could be one of those parents that are by themselves, nobody knows they're by themselves with the children."

And if the children are under school or pre-school age, do we just shrug? Logically, the next step is to demand that there be some system set-up for these parents too. Where will it end?

In October 2016 Esther had a fatal epileptic fit, and Chadrack who had special needs, spent two weeks in their flat unable to get help.

The coroner's report describes how school staff called his mother's number several times. They also tried to visit twice, but couldn't get into the block of flats.

The coroner called for the government to make changes and set out the policy subsequently put in place at Chadrack's school:

Three contact numbers are kept for every child

If a pupil fails to attend with no explanation, someone is immediately sent to the family home

If there is no response, the police are contacted

They will be delighted, I'm sure. Where's all the money and spare staff time for this coming from?

As we all lead increasingly less stable & more chaotic lives, the demand to 'stop bad things happening' risks fuelling an increasingly overbearing state apparatus - for our own good, naturally!

Jim Gamble (Ed: Wait, this one..?) wants the government to go further.

As chair of the independent safeguarding board in Hackney he commissioned a report after Chadrack's death which has yet to be published. He says the government needs to "breathe life" into policies to put child safety first, and prevent another tragedy if a loving parent like Esther dies unexpectedly.

Well, if anyone knows anything about hugely expensive, overbearing but ultimately futile government projects, it's Jim!

"Pussy Pass, M'Lud?" "That'll Do Nicely."

Yup, turned out that it really was only a possibility:

Sentencing Anderson, Judge David Hatton QC said: “She was a serving officer in the safeguarding unit."

The judge said he did not know whether or not the ending of the relationship with Mr Hall could have been done in a more sensitive matter.

“She then pestered Mr Hall for several months to the extent he blocked her number and of his Facebook account.

“Mr Hall then formed an alternative relationship, which once she [Anderson] found out about she abused public office to conduct searches of Mr Hall, his new partner, the mother of his children and his father.”

Judge Hatton said it was to Anderson’s credit that he believed her “remorse was genuine and her regret deep”.

Which was why she only got a 14-month sentence suspended for two years, I suppose?

Who Is It You Think Should Be 'Doing Something', Doreen?

"If that was the amount of kids who were in the white community that were dying, do you think that something would have been done?"

Those words of, errr, wisdom are from the mother of Stephen Lawrence. Was she addressing black parents on run-down sink estates? Absentee black fathers in prisons?

Reader, she was not:

A group of 10 runners will be running the London Marathon this year, exactly 25 years since Stephen's death, to raise money for the Stephen Lawrence Charity Trust. The teenager was a promising runner who competed in the 1988 mini marathon.

Speaking at the launch day for this year's marathon, Baroness Lawrence expressed frustration that the threat of knife crime showed no sign of abating.

 Were the canapés nice, Doreen?

She told the Press Association: "I'm tired of reading about it in the paper, I'm tired of seeing families talking about their sons, I'm really, really tired of it - I think the Government needs to get a grip."

It's not 'the Government' going round stabbing young black kids, is it?

"It comes under the race issue again - look who's dying - it comes under the race issue."

Of course it does. Everything does, when you're making a tidy living from it.

What Is It With Scottish Council Bin Lorry Drivers..?

Angry locals in Fife have slammed the council for refusing to foot the bill after one of their bin wagons careered through gardens crashing into cars.

Fife Council says because the driver was found not guilty in court using the rare defence of automatism they are not liable to pay for the damage.

What sort of people are they hiring...?

Lorry driver Stuart Smith, 55, sustained minor injuries but no one else was hurt in the dramatic collision on January 14 last year.

He was found not guilty of careless driving after lodging the rare defence of automatism - that he had no conscious knowledge of his actions.

Much like Scottish council HR departments, I guess...?

It's Almost English....

...but not quite. I know they don't have editors, but they don't have spellcheck either?

Oh, I'm Sorry, How Selfish Of Me...

*lights up two cigarettes, passes one to newborn*

"Here you go, kid..."

Sunday Funnies...

Always try fire, people. It's astounding how often it works!

"Next thing they'll be breeding us like cattle for food. You've gotta tell them. You've gotta tell them!"

I'm immediately suspicious...

It's got a snappy name - Moringa - and nutritionists are crediting it with just about every health benefit under the sun, so it's a mystery that we haven't woken up to it previously. But wellness fanatics are finally starting to catch on. Here's what you need to know about it.

 Hmmm, I'm guessing it's not going to be 'how it tastes'.

Moringa is a tree that grows in dry climates across Africa and Asia. It's also known as the Drumstick Tree for its shape, or the Horseradish Tree for the taste of its roots, and thousands of the plants are scattered across the foothills of the Himalayas. Its pods, bark and even twigs have been cooked and eaten for centuries, but the powder, made by grinding its leaves, is what's started sending health addicts into a frenzy.

Not 'chefs'. Not 'foodies'. People who view food as merely fuel for the body.

It's unusually rich in protein - in fact, it contains all nine of the essential amino acids. It packs more protein than virtually any other plant-based product, and is richer in amino acids than whey protein, so is increasingly being incorporated into fitness regimes. And if you find yourself low on energy during the day, moringa's high iron levels might be what you need.

OK, I'm convinced. I know what it is!

Bland Headlines, Meaningless Phrases...

A Romford man is facing jail after he admitted killing a grandfather from Dagenham who was beaten to death in a row over a set of keys.

Clemuth Roberts, 58, died from a blunt force trauma to the head after he was attacked in Stanhope Road, Dagenham, in December 2016.

Today at the Old Bailey, Ben Harper, 21, had his guilty plea for manslaughter accepted by the prosecution. Harper he had denied murder but offered the plea of guilty to manslaughter at a previous hearing last month.

Odd report. It sounds like a domestic, or neighbourhood dispute, doesn't it? The police don't shed any more light.

In a statement on their website Met Police said: "Police were called at just before 1pm to Stanhope Road, Dagenham following reports of a fight.

"Officers and London Ambulance Service attended and found 58-year-old Clemuth suffering from assault related injuries.

"He died at the scene a short while later.

"A post mortem examination was carried out at Queens Hospital and the cause of death was given as blunt force trauma to the head."

But if we travel back to the time of the killing, a different picture emerges:

It is understood Mr Roberts, a music and cricket enthusiast, ran after a group of youngsters to retrieve a bunch of keys which had gone missing from his home.

So this was a robbery. And not by just one person.

A 17-year-old boy and a 14-year-old girl who were arrested on suspicion of murder were later released with no further action.

So why is he alone in the dock?

Mr Roberts’s devastated family today paid tribute to the “loving” family man who was devoted to his 14 grandchildren. He moved to the UK from the West Indies with his parents as a teenager and had worked for many years as a mechanic before getting a job as a van courier.

His eldest daughter Simone Roberts, 37, a cleaner, told the Standard: “He was well known and much-loved. He always had a big smile on his face, just a fun person who’d help anyone.

“He was a lovely man who didn’t deserve to die. Everybody feels the same - angry, upset and we can’t believe this happened to him.

“We’re not having a Christmas this year, I’ve had to explain to my children that everything is cancelled. Thursday is my birthday and I have been asked to identify my dad’s body.”

Detectives from the Homicide and Major Crime Command have launched a murder investigation after the attack in Stanhope Road, with officers still on the scene last night carrying out forensic tests and house-to-house enquiries.

A neighbour said: “It’s evil and cruel at any time, but a week before Christmas it’s just heartbreaking.

“Police said it was all over stolen car keys and the two boys literally beat the poor man to death.”

So where's the other 'boy'? And why is a violent robbery ending in murder of the victim (because it IS murder, despite the CPS laxity) being a) reduced to manslaughter and b) reported in such bland, unthreatening, 'don't scare the public' terms?

I can see why the police have a vested interest in trying not to let on to the public just how violent the streets are becoming, but I see no reason why the press should help them in this.

Maybe more will be revealed when the killer is sentenced?

That Drive For 'A More Diverse Police Farce'...

...is really paying dividends, isn't it?

Detective Constable Kirsty Anderson – who worked in a domestic violence unit – used her own police force’s computer to threaten Michael Hall, 36, and his new partner, telling them: ‘Life will be hell.’

The jealous detective, 39, even told Mr Hall to watch his two sons who ‘could disappear’.

Lovely! I guess she's representing the 'dim chav' population?

She also threatened to spread untrue rumours Mr Hall’s new girlfriend Sarah Stroud, 37, was HIV positive and said she would petrol bomb Miss Stroud’s home while her daughter, aged five, slept.

No work for professional standards here, though. She has, of course, resigned. I thought they were trying to prevent this?

The court heard Anderson – who has resigned from the force – had a ‘raft of mental health problems’.

Ah, my mistake, she clearly represents the 'mad as a box of frogs' demographic.

One might wonder if the people that employed her might have a few 'issues' too....

Judge Abdul Iqbal granted her bail on condition she did not contact the victim or his girlfriend and told her she could be jailed.

Could be...?

You Keep Using That Word 'Unfounded'...

...I don't think it means what you think it means!

Plans have been approved for “urgently needed” accommodation for homeless people.

Castle Point Council approved the plans to build the home on land off Hatley Gardens, Benfleet, at the recent development control committee.

The multi-accommodation home would contain nine flats, and be used for short term accommodation for people who would otherwise be homeless or in bed-and-breakfast accommodation paid for by the council.

Neighbours can't be happy!

A host of concerns were raised by residents to the plans, mainly focussing on fears over a rise in crime and antisocial behaviour.

Well, quite! What does the council have to say?

In relation to those concerns, planning officers said: “Concern over crime and antisocial behaviour are based on unfounded assumptions about the behaviour of the future occupants of the building.”

Residents also raised issue with a loss of parking, but the development proposes one parking space for each unit plus a further space which for use by the on-site member of staff, which meets the council’s standards.

It's not like the council has to trawl back years to find instances where their expectations for a site of this nature haven't borne fruit, either! So the planning officers choice of words is an odd one.

Except when you factor in that they won't be living near this place themselves, that is...

*Stifles Giggles*

Transgender Crystal Warren was placing an order at B&Q in Lewes Road, Brighton when she suffered what she described as "humiliating" abuse.

Or possibly, just someone stating the (clearly) obvious!

Crystal, 48, who lives in the North Laine and works as a character model said that she heard a female member of staff mutter "that's not a woman, it's a bloke" while she was being served.

Crystal said: "I was completely insulted in front of all the staff and customers. It was humiliating."

Why were you at B&Q?

Describing the incident on Sunday, crystal said: "I went to B&Q because I was doing a bit of DIY and since I don't have a man around I have to do what I can on my own."

...

...

OK, I'm out!

Low Hanging Fruit...

Dog groomer Hailey Roebuck was walking three dogs through a cemetery in Almondbury, West Yorkshire, when she decided to let ageing mutt Emley off her leash for a few seconds.

But after just 30 seconds Hailey said she was warned by a member of the public to put her back on a lead.

Moments later, enforcement officers from private firm Kingdom - contracted by Kirklees Council - emerged from an everyday family car with no official markings. They told her that even though the dog was now on the lead they had witnessed it off the lead, and slapped Hailey with a £75 fine.

Quite right, rules are rules.

But I can't help but wonder if they'd have been so quick to pounce if instead of a lone female with an aging, docile crossbreed, the culprit had been a strapping young man with the usual chav breed at heel....

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.”

The police have apologised to the landlord of a pub for "misleading" the council following calls for its licence to be revoked.

'Misleading'? I think we know a stronger, and far more accurate word than that, don't we, LC?

The future of the Dog and Duck on Mutley Plain was thrown into doubt at the end of last year after a damning police report claimed there had been a rise in crime linked to the pub.

In the meeting itself Supt Tamasine Matthews, on behalf of Devon and Cornwall Police, said one incident - a man brandishing a hammer - happened "outside" the pub.

But landlord Andy Kelland, who has owned the pub for over 14 years, has always disputed this, claiming the incident happened much further up Mutley Plain.

We've been here before, of course. The police want to ensure they have a quiet life, civil liberties be damned. So they will, given half a chance, do all they can to ensure that.

But it's not usually the case that they lie, though it does seem to be occurring more and more.

After officially lodging a complaint with the Complaints Appeal Unit, Supt Matthews has now admitted the phrasing should have been 'nearby' or 'close to' the pub.

We'll skip over the glaringly obvious injustice of anyone being held to account for what happens outside - rather than inside - their establishment. Even the landlord admits it's not the Ritz:

Mr Kelland, 64, who lives in Mannamead, says he is now disputing other claims about crimes linked to the pub, which he argues never should have been used as evidence at the licensing committee meeting in September.

"We're not a pristine establishment," he admitted.

"We do have incidents here, however we are a working man's boozer and probably not the place where you would bring your 90-year-old granny to have a cup of tea.

"But it is very disappointing this has happened because it has cost me a huge amount of money to defend this and I have had quite strict conditions placed on my licence."

Process, punishment. One might suggest that perhaps the lying officer might expect to see some of that herself...

The letter from Supt Matthews itself, sent to Mr Kelland on January 8 and received on January 11, says: 'I am writing to apologise to you on behalf of myself, Mr Seymour [a licencing officer] and the organisation for the inaccurate information presented to the Plymouth City Council licensing sub committee concerning the location of a violent incident within the application for a review of the licence of the licence of the Dog and Duck public house.

...

'I hope you will accept this written apology as finalisation of this matter.'

Translation: "Please don't sue!"

"They were also concerned about the dignity of the horse...."

Look, public health risk, OK. 'Terrifying' the kiddies, yeah, sure. But a horse has no dignity, even in life. It's an animal!

Headteacher Paul Parascandolo said the school had removed the horse yesterday morning and ensured their pupils were kept away from the site.

He said: “Regarding the horse in the adjacent field to the school, I can tell you that although the horse was not on school property, staff acted quickly to arrange for it to be removed from the field in a humane way by a professional company.

“As soon as the school became aware of the horse, our children were kept away from the area and we are not aware of any distress caused to them.

“The horse was removed yesterday morning. I’m afraid I don’t know who notified the school, it may be that our caretaker made the discovery on his usual inspection of the site boundaries.”

So who paid? Not, it would seem, the horse's owner. Which was, I suspect, the reason for dumping it where it was dumped!

It is not known who owns the horse and the RSPCA have not been contacted about it.

To translate: everyone and his dog knows who owns the horse, and equally, knows there's utterly little point in expecting anyone to do anything about it.

Make Up Your Minds! Part 2864785

Sharon Chapman, one of the residents who has organised the petition, said she was concerned that the council would eventually be creating a 'mini forest'.

Aren't people usually happy about this?

She said: "It is mad. It is meant to be an open space for children to play and for dogs to run and they are just going to plant some trees instead.

"It won't be like a park anymore."

Errr, well, actually, yes it will. One expects parks to have trees. Otherwise, they are just fields!

"Many of us bought houses with a view of the park and the lakes, and this is a mental amount of trees for such a small area.

"It will put people of (sic) that part of the park. People won't want to wander past the trees and the bushes at the night time. It just doesn't seem right."

Ah, I see! It's property values that are the concern!

A spokeswoman for the council said: "The new native species being planted, which include Field Maple, Common Crab apple, Mountain Ash and Bird Cherry, are of the ‘small garden variety’. They are being planted to replace a collection of Poplars which previously stood at around 28m high.

"The young whips are currently unbranched stems, which measure no more than one metre tall and will take in excess of 10 years to reach full maturity. Even then the trees are not expected to grow larger than 8m in height due to the nature of the heavy clay soil at Danson Park."

Wait, you're planting trees where the conditions aren't ideal?

The council also said that not all the trees will survive, with an expected failure rate of 40 per cent in the first two years.

Hmm, seems like the waste of taxpayer money should be the real concern here, doesn't it?

"Are We Absolutely Sure This Is A Job For The ARV, Sarge...?"

"...I mean, it is Hartlepool. Did Albert Pierrepoint retire..?"

Cleveland Police launched an appeal to find the owner of the German Shepherd, which officers described as "increasingly aggressive as time went on", after it was discovered in Hartlepool over the weekend.

It's good to know that the police have abandoned their usual tactic of letting aggressive dogs sit in kennels for months, eating their way through taxpayer funds, though if some poor sod has to tie them to a telegraph pole first, well, it might not save much money.

But at least it means even the most hapless 'marksman' shouldn't be able to miss this time.

And it's not a German Shepherd, it's thought to be a Caucasian Shepherd. A pretty distinctive breed, so you might think the local cops would have had an idea who it belonged to. Until you realise it's hard to judge dog breeds when you never leave the patrol car!

The RSPCA are, for once, rather quick to spot the PR disaster looming, and very adroit at getting out of its way:

A spokesman for the RSPCA told The Independent: “This was a difficult and distressing police-led incident with an outcome which no one wanted."

Translation: "Don't blame us! We wanted to give it love & cuddles but the big gruff policeman said no! Please keep giving us money!"

No Longer A Nation Of Animal Lovers?

Britain is becoming so unfriendly to dogs that owners are spending more holidays abroad, the head of the Kennel Club has said.

Hmmm, really? What's to blame for this?

The organisation says many pubs misunderstand food hygiene rules and bar dogs from the whole of a pub, when the rules simply state that they shouldn't be allowed in food preparation areas.

I think she must mean city pubs, not those in the country. Don't think I've ever visited one without a dog or cat, as @PubCurmudgeon can attest!

Ms Kisko says she "regularly" travels to France with her own dog, knowing that she will receive a warmer welcome there than she does in the UK. And she warned that other families with dogs could be doing the same - meaning British businesses are losing out.

I can't quite put my finger on it, but it feels like there may be another reason for this reported 'unfriendliness'...?

Been Watching Too Much US TV, Officer?

“The Police asked my traumatised father-in-law and his poorly elderly wife if they wanted to press charges and go to court.

“They said no - they have neither the strength, or money, nor the ability to face a trial.

“So the Police gave the owner of this dangerous, out of control dog, a warning and told them to keep it in a cage.”

We don't 'press charges' in this country. The state presses them for us. How bloody thick do you have to be to not realise this?

Dr Heley said she believes the dog which attacked Tiny Tim should have been destroyed after it showed such aggression towards another creature.

No doubt people will say 'But it's in its nature!'. You know, like sloth & indolence seems to be in the modern cop's nature...

Cleveland Police were contacted but were unavailable for comment.

How prudent. Luckily, we have other sources of information:

No-one trusts or relies on the police any more. Why would they?

/Applause

Masterful!

H/T: MhehedZherting on Twitter

"Look, Boss, Clouds, Snow, It's All Weather, It's An Easy Mistake..."

Though its range does include Nepal, clouded leopards are more usually found in Indonesia. Could it be that they've confused...?

Yes. Yes, it could: 

/facepalm

Sunday Funnies...

See also 'No added sugar'...!

"Police arrived and Mr Turner was in tears, but it was Miss Winder who was arrested."

Miss Winder, who is 5ft 3in, said he began abusing her from his car and beeping at her at the station in Crowhurst Road, Hollingbury, after she paid for fuel. Mr Turner, a teacher, then approached her and began aggressively making obscene gestures.

The bounder! The cad!

But Miss Winder used a secret weapon to defend herself from the abuse. She said: “I studied jiu jitsu from 2015 to 2017 and then did a women’s self-defence course which specialises in situations like that.

“It teaches you how to analyse the situation you’re in with aggressive men. He was a prime example of the type of people you get in these kinds of situations.”

But he didn't physically attack you, did he? You attacked him! Which seems unwise in the circumstances.

Miss Winder, 23, scuffled with Mr Turner, punching him in the face before he grappled her on to the bonnet of his car. He had to be dragged off by an onlooker.

A male onlooker, I suspect, after Miss Winder's sense of grievance wrote a check her 5ft3" body couldn't actually cash....

On the first day of the trial in November, Mr Turner said he was frustrated by the length of time Miss Winder took paying in the station, which is why he beeped the horn.

When Ed Fish, defending, asked if this was a reasonable response, Mr Turner said: “I don’t know. If swearing and shouting is aggressive, then I was aggressive.”

Whereupon the prosecution started to weep quietly..!

The case against Miss Winder, of Taunton Road, Bevendean, was dropped at Brighton Magistrates’ Court yesterday after new evidence came to light which made for an unfair trial.

Magistrate Peter Sutton told her: “Your case has been dropped because of evidence which was available which the Crown has not disclosed.”

 Hmmm, lot of that going around lately, isn't there?

But Miss Winder, an aspiring child psychologist, says she should never have been in this position in the first place, and it has merely added to months of hell for her.

Sounds a bit like you brought it on yourself. And equally, sounds like you're not too unhappy at doing so, either:

She also had a message for other women who have been subjected to such abuse at the hands of men.

“I feel like it’s something that needs to be addressed,” she said. “There are a lot of women going through this sort of thing.

There are men that can be quite bullish.”

“They need to stay strong.”

So to sum up, a man shouts abuse, you get handy, it all goes wrong for you, and only the legendary incompetence of the state gets you out of the hole you've dug?

Another triumph for modern feminism, I think you'll agree.

Compensation Should Be Paid By The Police....

Maidstone Crown Court was told the dog had four months earlier attacked a Jack Russell and its owner.

And no-one did a thing. As usual. Pity it wasn't a cop knocking on the door this time.

Medway housing officer Theresa Lamb was visiting a grandmother’s home in Chatham when two-year-old Staffordshire bull terrier Rome clamped its jaw on her right arm.

The dog - described by a judge as “highly aggressive and highly strung” - sank its teeth in right down to the bone.

The useless chav 'looking after' the suburban hellhound proved to be as ineffective and unconcerned as you'd expect from her breed...

Despite Wendy Hooper trying to beat off the pet with a broom, it went for the victim twice more.

As well suffering wounds to her arm, Mrs Lamb’s hand was bitten. She only managed to escape by jumping over a garden fence. She suffered permanent disfigurement and is still having treatment.

Hooper, who was looking after Rome while the owner was at work, later told police it was simply “doing its job” protecting the house.

From the council. Let that sink in.

Hooper was sentenced to 12 months imprisonment suspended for two years after admitting being in charge of a dog dangerously out of control, causing injury.

She was ordered to complete 180 hours unpaid work and banned from owning or caring for a dog for three years.

She should have served the whole sentence and been banned for life. What was the reason for this (utterly characteristic) leniency?

Judge Julian Smith said the 42-year-old had shown genuine remorse and she was the carer for her registered blind daughter, aged 21.

Oh, for...!

But he added: “There is a history here of which you would have been aware and it is worrying in the extreme. You chose to have that dog in the house and it is perfectly clear it was an animal that could change at any time.”

The judge ordered Rome’s destruction.

Pity it wasn't shot on sight. How much has it cost to have the creature in police kennels?

Judge Smith declined to make a compensation order after hearing Hooper was on benefits.

They always are, yet no judge ever says 'Wait, hang on, you can afford a dog?', do they?

It will, however, be sought in the civil courts by Mrs Lamb.

Good! I hope she leaves this cretin the clothes she stands up in, and nothing else. But it's incumbent on me to point out that if the police had acted after the first attack, this woman wouldn't have been injured.

So maybe they should be on the hook too?

Someone Can't Count...

John Barker, defending, said ... 'The defendant had an appalling childhood, but has since done the best she can to help herself.

'Today she is asking for a second chance.'

 Well, it's no surprise maths isn't a strong point, since clearly, neither is biology!

Previous breaches were for failing to register a change of address and twice being in possession of a mobile phone with Internet access.

The judge can count, luckily:

Judge James O'Mahony accepted that Laws had an 'awful childhood' during which she had been 'exposed to extreme sexual behaviour by others'.

He said: 'This is your fourth breach. If it is understood that people can continuously breach court orders without consequence, they will lose their effect.'

Whew! So, what's the punishm....

Oh.

Laws admitted the breach and the suspended sentence. She was ordered to do 20 days rehab and 100 hours unpaid work.

Well, that'll teach him. And clearly, 'consequence' means something rather different to O'Mahoney than it does to the rest of us....

I Think The DWP Will Want To Have A Word Too....

Kirby’s barrister Felicity Hemlin told York Crown Court he had had to give up his apprenticeship because of medical complications caused by cystic fibrosis.

Oh, poor chap, he must find it so terribly hard to get abou...

Oh!

David Wain, prosecuting, said Kirby and his friends had surrounded two victims in the early hours of May 1. The victims had retreated down the street. Judge Andrew Stubbs QC said Kirby and about ten of his friends had gone looking for one of the two and chased him down an alleyway off Castlegate.

He said: “You and that pack of friends of yours then set about the two complainants in this case who weren’t looking for trouble." Kirby would have continued the assault but for some of his “more sensible” friends restraining him.

“It took three of them to stop you assaulting that person,” said the judge. “It was disgusting and disgraceful behaviour, the type of behaviour that will always result in a custodial sentence.”

Well, indeed! How long did he get?

He gave Kirby an eight-month prison sentence but suspended it for 12 months with a requirement he does a nightly curfew from 8pm to 7pm for the next six months.

*baffled face*

Council Incompetence Part 579214558

Brighton and Hove City Council said the tree was blocking the pavement and ordered Mrs Hasler to take action within 14 days.

Marcia Hasler, 76, received the letter on the day she returned from two weeks in hospital for emergency heart surgery.

Well, if her tree is at fault, then...

Wait! Is it her tree?

It later apologised after discovering it was a council tree – but a month later it has still not pruned it.

/facepalm

Still, a mistake anyone could make?

The letter, signed by highway enforcement officer Gail Barnett, begins: “It has been brought to our attention that vegetation that appears to be coming from your property is now growing over the public highway causing problems for pedestrians.”

On the reverse of the letter is a photograph of the tree, clearly showing it is planted in the pavement, four feet from the edge of the pensioner’s house on Chelston Avenue, Hove.

Ah. Yes. A mistake any incompetent, slapdash council worker with no fear of the sack could make...

After the Haslers complained, the council apologised in writing.

Let's see the letter! I bet they got something else wrong!

Brighton and Hove City Council did not respond to The Argus’s request for a comment.

Probably wise...

The Continuing Saga Of The Untouchables...

A Surrey Police spokesman said: "We had two separate incidents yesterday morning (November 27) of a small dog biting members of the public as they walked along Goldsworth Road.

Why don't you turn up and seize it then?

"Officers will be attending the location today (November 28) to speak to those on the site about the need to control their dogs."

 Ha ha ha! Yes, I'm sure they'll stick around for that!

The group have now left the site after the owner of the land posted a notice on Tuesday (November 28) stating it had applied to Guildford County Court for a possession order.

Photographs show rubbish left behind, including plastic bags, food waste and a single shoe.

Well, you know who they are, you know where they went - why is no-one prepared to do anything about them?

Maybe Your Family Had The Solution All Along?

A dad has demanded for CCTV cameras to be introduced to Church House Gardens park after claiming his son and three friends were robbed there last night.

Cameras, eh? Well, that's a good idea!

Dad of one of the boys, Colin Welling, told News Shopper: "Yesterday (December 28) they stayed longer than normal. They don't usually stay after dark.

"They were approached by lads wearing balaclavas."

Oh. Maybe not.

"One of my son's mates saw it and ran off at speed. He wasn't chased and he rang the police straight away.

"My son had the presence of mind to stick his phone down the back of his trousers.

"They were pushed against the fence, they took a phone off one boy and said 'you're lucky we weren't shanked tonight'. They took another phone and smashed it on the floor."

Lovely! Still, it's one of those modern things, you just never know when an areas will become a no-go area and...

Oh. Wait!

"The council need to put CCTV there," Colin said. "It is almost secluded, it is amazing that there is no CCTV. There never has been. My oldest son is 30 and he said he was mugged there in the same way years ago.

"My daughter who is 29 also said she knows people who say it happens a lot there."

Errr.... Maybe this is a known place to avoid then?

If only your son & his friends had listened to the wisdom of his elders, eh?

"This has been shocking for everybody. You can't have anything in this world anymore without someone taking it."

Well, yes, sadly true. 'Twas ever thus, though. Avoiding the opportunity for others to take it would be a start, though.

Pecking Order....

Michael O’Byrne, 52, was given a £600 fine yesterday for using racially aggravated threatening, abusive or insulting words towards a rival fan on November 28 before the match kicked off at the Amex Stadium.

The plasterer, of Farncombe Road, East Worthing, was heard by a police officer shouting “**** off you black ****” at the Palace fan, before he was arrested.

*gasps* Oh noes! Racism!

Brighton magistrates heard the comment was made after the Eagles fan said to O’Byrne: “get out the way you gay boy.”

Oh. Anti-gay slurs. *shrugs*

Before he was sentenced, O’Byrne, who said he has been watching football matches for 42 years, said: “all Brighton fans have had enough of homophobic attacks.

“I am sick of people saying to fans things like ‘I hope you die of Aids’.

“I am not a racist. I was approached by him and his first words to me were ‘Alright gay boy’.

“I still don’t know if he was arrested.”

You clearly have a losing hand in Victimhood Poker,chum. On this occasion at least.

On others, the police officer's hearing hasn't proven so deficient.

Yay For Gender Equality!

Several men and women, aged 18 to 35, were assaulted near Burger King in North Street, Brighton.

Disgraceful! You can't go anywhere these days without risking attack by gangs of testosterone-filled youths and their aggression...

Or, maybe not.

Sussex Police said the victims were in the area of Burger King when the assault by a group of young women took place between just after midnight and 1.10am on Friday, December 15.

Lovely! Still, progressives will be happy they are now equally as scummy as their male counterparts.

A 21-year-old woman from Hove was arrested on suspicion of assault and later released under investigation.

Hove!?

Remember when that used to be such a genteel area?

The Ineffectual Blue Line....

Police were pelted with stones - and one officer hit in the eye with a drinks can - as 50 yobs gathered to watch teenage girls fight.

The two schoolgirls arranged to meet in Limeside in Oldham on Tuesday night, with huge numbers of teens taking to the streets to watch.

Residents near to Limeside Road contacted police after seeing youths gathering near their homes. GMP said 10 officers attended and attempted to disperse the group before being subjected to a tirade of vile abuse. Sergeant Paul Archer said the culprits are being sought.

...facing the inevitable result of the indulgence of the No Consequences Generation.

One youth was arrested and charged with a public order offence.

One. Out of 50. Even those educated under Blair's mantra of 'education, education, education' can easily see those odds are in their favour.

Expect more, much, much more, of this in 2018.

Island Life...

A 17-year-old boy suffered a suspected stab wound to the head and seven others were attacked after a mass brawl erupted in a street.

Oh, which street? Where?

Police were called to a chaotic fight involving a large group of people, reportedly up to 30, on Runnymede Road, Canvey.

Oh. Say no more....

In total, seven people told police they had been assaulted, with one 17-year-old boy claiming that he had been hit with a motorbike crash helmet. A woman, 19, had been struck with a belt.

Police attended the scene but did not to (sic) make any arrests.

Why not? Are they allergic to them?

The community policing team increased patrols across the island following the brawl.

What for, if you're not going to make any arrests?

Forgiveness, Thy Name Is Woman...

The girlfriend of a designer stabbed in the head as he walked his puppy in a south London park today said a “sense of justice” had been served as his attacker was jailed for 13 years.

Really? I'd want the bastard hanged.

She said: “This sad chapter in our lives is closed now and we can all carry on focusing on the most important thing which is Sinuhe’s recovery. The sentence brought closure and a sense of justice. The sentence is severe.

“I’m not glad about this. Someone will spend part of their life in prison and I would not wish that on anyone.

I wonder what the actual victim thought?

But when I told Sinuhe about the sentence, he just said ‘good’.”

Thought so.

The Life Of A Trainee Reporter...

Oooh! Mind blowing, eh?

What could it be?

A coelocanth?

A pleisosaur!?

Oh. Ok.

Well, don't worry Katie, the job gets better. Eventually.

Surely The Only Surprise Here....

...is that there were any crumbs left over!

Sunday Funnies...

There really is nothing new under the sun....

Unexpected Fox

In the grey and damp New Year, I took a trip to Romford to do some shopping, and chanced upon this stunning piece of art, no less amazing for being that dreaded scourge of property maintenance people, graffiti:

I can't begin to explain why my spirits rose on happening upon it, but it was, perhaps, the sudden appearance of something beautiful amid the damp, grey temples to conspicuous consumption all around.

Now, I've expressed admiration for graffiti 'artists' before, and there's no doubt that some are immensely talented. It's just rather sad that their outlet for their talent is someone else's property.

No doubt this will soon be removed, it's chance to brighten someone else's day flowing into the drain under the high-pressure house of some minimum wage employee. That will be a sad day.

It's Not Often A 'Guardian' Article Shows This Level Of Cluelessness....

...but I guess one needs to consider the source:

Simon Bailey (the National Police Chiefs’ Council lead on child protection) seems to think that if you use a PC or smartphone in the UK, it grants you nationality! I wonder if all those false asylum seekers are aware of this odd wrinkle?

He added that most offenders across all categories of child sexual abuse were white, despite the considerable attention that has been paid in some parts of the media to so-called Asian street-grooming gangs.

Incredible! You can tell someone's race via their IP address! I didn't know that!

Some 20% of new imagery is self-generated and is often taken by other children. But Bailey said he did not regard those who viewed sexual images of children under the age of 16 as harmless under any circumstances.

Even when they are other children....?

On the emerging issue of live streaming, Bailey urged tech companies to do more. “Software providers have a critical role in policing the environment they create,” he said. “They have a social and moral responsibility to make their platforms safe for children to use.”

No doubt he'll want the Post Office to open all letters and parcels too, to make sure those using the 'postal environment' are doing nothing illegal...

It's Schrödinger's Stabbing!

Kane Ellis, 24, whose father is Basildon Ukip councillor Mark Ellis, was somehow injured at Unit 7 in Basildon’s Festival Leisure Park.

He needed 18 stitches on his lower back, but the club have insisted CCTV shows he simply fell on a set of stairs.

Eh..?

A spokesman for Unit 7 said: “The safety and enjoyment of our customers is always our main priority and we operate a stringent door policy, which includes searching all customers on entry and re-entry to the venue.

Right, right. Sure. Prisons have an even stricter policy, yet weapons still get in!

“Further to discussions with the police and an environmental health officer, we do not believe there is evidence that the customer was stabbed in the club.

“The customer couldn’t recall what happened on the night, but having reviewed CCTV footage, it appears that he fell on the stairs, which resulted in him sustaining an injury.

What the hell are your stairs made from!?

“When we were made aware of the injury, we did everything we could to support and care for him, including our head doorman taking him to hospital to get his wound treated.”

Wouldn't an ambulance have been advisable? Still, I guess if you say it's not a stabbing, who could disagree with y...

Oh!

An Essex Police spokesman said: “We are investigating a report that a man was stabbed in in the back with an unknown item, at a club in Basildon on December 17.”

Gosh! So, which is it?

"Mr Smith hasn’t been able to give me a coherent explanation to what led him to do such a thing."

He said Smith had two horses that he would sell straightaway, and added that his client usually worked as a handyman, but had not had a job since his arrest. He said: "Word has got around the area."

Ummm, yes. Yes, one supposes it has.

Smith, who had first pleaded guilty to the offence of sex with a living animal at Hinckley Magistrates’ Court earlier this year, was given a four-week jail sentence, suspended for 12 months, and ordered to carry out 120 hours of unpaid work. He was given a 10-year ban from contact with animals, or acquiring children’s clothes or nappies.

*boggle*

It's No Surprise The Police Are Screwing Up Sexual Assault Cases...

Pc Roscoe, who had been working for Rochdale division, was found to have committed gross misconduct at a Greater Manchester Police disciplinary hearing, following an investigation by police watchdog the IPCC.

He was given a final written warning and remains a police constable.

WTAF..? This was no simple flirtation that was misconstrued by a humourless feminista, either:

The officer was in the Heywood area responding to reports of a domestic disturbance in the early hours of October 15 last year. He ended up parked outside the home of the woman who would go on to report him.

He beckoned her over and asked for a cup of tea, before following her inside, where he told her she was ‘absolutely gorgeous’, asked if he could pick her up because of her petite frame, placed her on the kitchen worktop and tried to kiss her.

Which is assault.

The woman, who rebuffed his advances before reporting them, said: “Since it happened I am still worried that he will come back to my property.

“It is despicable and he doesn’t deserve the honour of wearing the uniform. He should have been dismissed - you can’t go round doing things like that. He twice asked if he could come back.”

So what's the reason for this undue leniency?

At a GMP disciplinary hearing following the investigation a panel found that Pc Roscoe had behaved ‘opportunistically’, shown no remorse and had abused the trust placed in him. It also concluded the woman had suffered some psychological impact - although no serious harm - and that Pc Roscoe’s actions will have hurt the reputation of the police force.

However, the complainant insists that no one should hold the force itself responsible - and has thanked GMP and the IPCC for their support.

She's far more generous than I am then. They enable his behaviour, when they fail to dismiss him from the farce. It's not like he's even come clean!

Pc Roscoe denied he acted inappropriately towards the woman in any way. But the panel upheld the misconduct case and said that Pc Roscoe kept his job because of ‘mitigating factors’. These included the incident being ‘brief in duration’ and that he had backed off when his advances were rebuffed.

Those are the lamest excuses I've heard, and I've heard plenty. I guess the motto of the disciplinary board is 'If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!'.

But it doesn't seem to extend to other cops:

Two police officers who went to a petrol station to get coffee to avoid confronting a group of men hunting hares have been sacked for gross misconduct. Constables Robert Ashcroft and Ataul Ahmad, from Slough, Berkshire, were dismissed by Thames Valley Police following a misconduct hearing which found they breached standards of professional behaviour. A spokesman for the force said the case was brought following three separate incidents between January and March this year.

So perhaps they are just waiting for Roscoe to assault two more women, then he'll feel their wrath?

Put Them Down, Then....

...on hearing the circumstances of the case, District Judge Kristina Harrison told the trio: “I don’t understand anybody who goes on a public beach with that type of dog not under control. What a recipe for disaster. It’s not the dogs’ fault, it’s the owners’ fault.”

So punish the owners. Harshly.

Saying she was bound by sentencing guidelines, Judge Harrison said that based on their incomes, Coverdale would be fined £200, Blythe £178 and Lukins £230. Each must also pay £200 compensation to Mr Cuthbert, £175 to Mr Cuthbert’s partner, Lorraine Mekin, and £75 to Margaret Wade, plus £40 costs.

Meaning they were all dolescum, yet able to keep and feed three huge trophy dogs. Still, I'm sure the compensation will help the bereaved owner. If she ever sees a bloody penny of it...

They must also keep their dogs muzzled and on a fixed length lead when in public.

They should have been shot right there and then on the beach.

Mr Cuthbert said he called the police at the time and the people with the other dogs were spoken to at the scene.

Useless bastards.

Funny Sort Of 'Privilege', Gaby...

Gaby Hinsliff in 'CiF' decides she was wrong to sneer at people who used the phrase 'check your privilege':

If you can read this, you’re privileged compared to the 15% of Britons who aren’t functionally literate, and so should think twice before making snotty assumptions about people who don’t follow the news.

I mean, one that can easily be overcome for free, by simple learning....

The NHS, In All Its Glory....

Kyra Warrell faces a lifetime of disability if £58,000 cannot be raised to pay for specialist treatment abroad in February.

The six-year-old was born with a rare condition which means her left leg is deformed and will not grow properly.

She has to wear a bulky and heavy prosthetic to help her walk which gives her a lot of pain.

How sad. But why does she have to go abroad?

Surgery that would lengthen the leg is available but only at a specialist clinic in Israel.

Note: not Palestine, or Saudi Arabia. Israel. The little Middle Eastern country that could.

And what of the amazing, wonderful NHS that the progressives think is so wonderful?

Doctors in the UK have so far offered only to amputate Kyra’s lower leg so she can wear a prosthetic limb more easily.

Yet they don't tell fat benefit sponges with mental health conditions or self-inflicted injuries to go abroad, do they?

I Don't Think It's A Dog That This Family Needs...

Eight-year-old Riley Whitehouse has autism, ADHD, anxiety, and is becoming increasingly unmanageable in the Redbourn family setting.

His conditions made him aggressive, impatient, impulsive, and rude. He sometimes lashes out at his siblings, such as pushing them at the top of the stairs.

Sounds very much like an accident waiting to happen. Who is ensuring the safety and welfare of the other children? Anyone?

Autism Life Dogs could help Riley because they are specially trained to react to their particular owners needs and develop physical, cognitive, life and social skills. However, the helper puppies cost £20,000, of which mum of four Shelley, 30, needs to contribute £9,500.

Wait, that's the answer? A dog? No matter how well trained, it'd have to be a combination of Lassie and Rin Tin Tin to prevent disaster!

Shelley is also juggling caring for 16-month-old Mikey, who has severe allergies and is fed through a tube, six-year-old Brooke and four-year-old Skyla-Louise.

Nice crop of disabilities there, as well as chavnames!

She said: “Life is miserable and this dog is the only light at the end of our tunnel right now. We cannot cope. Well definitely not for much longer.”

So the answer is to go begging for money in the newspaper, instead of facing up to the issue? Wonderful! Welcome to modern 'parenting'...

Stress Ball - Yr Usin' It Wrong!

A document released by the force ahead of the process alleges that Mr Horne threw the rubber stress ball 'for no apparent reason' while in his office with two colleagues.

'Suddenly, and for no apparent reason, you threw a rubber 'stress ball' at (a junior colleague), which hit him in the throat and left a red mark,' the document alleges.

 Blimey! I thought you were just supposed to squeeze the things. Might buy one now!

The incident is said to have happened on an unknown date between October 2015 and May 2016.

Eh...? Well, I suppose it is Essex Police, after all.

Mr Horne is further accused of pushing the junior colleague 'with two hands, causing him to fall on to a desk', and it is alleged that this happened 'during a conversation about policing matters, and for no apparent reason'.

There being am instance where physically assaulting a work colleague is ever reasonable..?

Mr Horne is also accused of repeatedly swearing at a second colleague during a confrontation in a car park outside the force's control room. He allegedly 'stood with clenched fists, leaning in towards' the colleague and said he 'had to leave before (he) punched something'.

They should put this guy on the beat! Which might actually be an option.

He faces a misconduct hearing in Chelmsford on January 15.

*orders popcorn*

H/T: Ted Treen via email

Not Even Trying, Are You, Benjamin?

In mitigation defending, Benjamin Hargreaves, told the court: "His explanation is that he had been on a combination of drugs and alcohol and had been on a bender. He needed more money, and the shop was one of the first places he'd pass on his way home."

Back to Defence Lawyer Excuse School for you, mate!

Judge Kemp said the robbery demonstrated the "appalling effects of drinks and drugs on otherwise perfectly decent men".

Oh, judge! Honestly! 'In vino veritas'. Thought you were all good at Latin?

Horsted, dad to a four-month-old girl, was sentenced to three years in jail for the robbery to run concurrently with nine months for breaching suspended sentence.

Hardly a 'perfectly decent man' if he's already got a suspended hanging over him, is he?

Still, in the face of justice system failure, at least we can keep our sense of humour:

/applause

Better Late Than Never...

Miroslaw, 48, and his wife, Mariola Zieba, 37, who are from Poland but live in York Road, Southend, said they went to the police after they were attacked in their home.

According to Mrs Zieba, their landlord walked into the flat they were renting with two other men, all wearing balaclavas, and forced the couple out after threatening them with a kitchen knife and a baseball bat.

Wow, rent negotiation is hardcore in Essex!

However, when the couple reported the attack to the police, they questioned the couple about their immigration status and handed Miroslaw Zieba over to immigration officials.

It'd take a heart of stone, wouldn't it?

A spokesman for Essex Police added: “The way we investigate crimes is not determined by who has reported the crime – it makes no difference if they are a UK national or a foreign national and to suggest otherwise is wrong.

“As part of our enquiries into reported crimes we check the Police National Computer (PNC) as a matter of standard procedure.

“When someone is shown as being wanted on the PNC, it is our responsibility to act on that information and the public would not expect anything less from us.”

Speaking as 'the public', I heartily agree!

Zieba is an EU national who was legally working in the UK until he was arrested and detained. He has criminal convictions in Poland for a series of crimes, including robbery and neglecting his military duties. He served prison time for those offences and, under its own rules, the Home Office cannot deport solely on the basis of previous convictions that have already been punished. But the Home Office insist that Zieba was already wanted due to a police incident in this country in 2016.

Not an insignificant one, either:

A spokesman for the Home Office said: “Mr Zieba came to our attention because of a criminal offence he committed in June 2016 in the UK where he was cautioned by police for being in possession of a blade in a public place.

“Subsequent checks showed Mr Zieba had committed a string of serious offences in Poland which he served prison sentences for. As a result we began deportation action.

“We’ll always seek to deport foreign national offenders with a history of serious or persistent convictions overseas.”

Good. More please, faster!

Well, Understandable...

...no-one wants to downgrade their accommodation, after all!

Clerical Error....

Oh, 'Mail'... *sighs*

Sunday Funnies...

Wait, no-one's building a spaceship?

It's Not 'Austerity' Making Alex Sicker, Is It, Frances?

The 44-year-old – who has multiple complex disabilities and mental health problems – is in many ways living proof of beating the system. After four years of living in inaccessible social housing, Alex has a bit of dignity and safety. But I can’t help but think for a so-called civilised 21st century nation, there isn’t much to celebrate. In Alex’s words: “It feels like I’m still not living. Still trapped, made sicker by austerity.”

Alex’s story starts seven months ago in a cramped top-floor flat in Islington, north London. It’s the sort of story that could be happening to your neighbour right now – and embodies the pointless cruelty meted out in recent years by politicians to citizens who dare to be disabled.

Yes, clearly, the current government is hell-bent on making lives like Alex's far worse. For no other reason than shits n' giggles, apparently.

Say, what's wrong with Alex, anyway?

A spinal and head injury, degenerative hands and feet and chronic fatigue mean Alex needs both a wheelchair and a hoist to move safely around their home. (Alex wishes to be referred to as “they”.)

*blinks* Ummm, right. Clearly, this isn't going to be fixed any time soon, even if the council do get their finger out.

The council? I thought we were railing against the heartless Tories? Well, Frances is, because that's all Frances does, ever!

But it's actually the council that's screwing up here. You know, the ones the progressives always want to throw more money at.

Even when the council found a ground-floor flat for Alex in the spring, after three months the adaptations still hadn’t been completed for them to move in.

No doubt 'austerity' will be to blame for this, not the legendary sloth and incompetence of local government.

Even when Alex moved in to the new flat, the council still hadn’t put in a video intercom, non-fluorescent lighting and anti-slip flooring – seemingly minor things that for Alex mean vomiting, debilitating migraines and losing consciousness.

Alex, I'm afraid, seems to be too sick to live in the normal world. But thanks to progressive mental health policy, fortunes must be spent to help her do so:

As the new year approaches, Alex can’t help but think of the battles still ahead. Sitting in the new flat, Alex has calculated that universal credit will see their benefits cut by up to £80 a week. At the same time, like thousands of other disabled people, Alex will have to go through an assessment for personal independence payment – something that’s simply ”terrifying”.

“I thought moving in, this fight was over,” Alex tells me. “But because of austerity, you have to fight for everything.”

You have to 'fight for everything' regardless, and always will, because of your complex issues. Issues that would be better off in a controlled environment like a mental hospital.

But that was blown out of the water by progressives like Frances, who demand that people unable to live in the real world should be allowed, nay, encouraged to do so.

"Wait, It's Still Breaking The Law If We Do It For A 'Good Cause'..?"

Yup! Welcome to reality. Hurts, doesn't it?

At Last, Someone Understands!

Ms Horton said that environmental health officers went to check out complaints from neighbours about the barking of Davies’s dog.

“The officers heard prolonged barking," she continued. "It could be heard from inside a nearby shop.

“On another occasion, the barking could be heard from the first floor of a property in another street through the windows.”

Ms Horton said council officers tried to work with Davies but he kept breaching noise abatement orders.

She added: “This had a detrimental impact on the local community and the daily lives of residents.”

And what did the tattooed miscreant have to say for himself?

Davies, who represented himself in court. said: “My dog barks. I do accept that.

“What I don’t accept is that it was a nuisance. Other dogs in the neighbourhood barked.

“I feel I am being victimised. I didn’t feel comfortable in my own home due to this.

“I moved about eight weeks ago and have had no complaints about my dog.”

Ah. Predictably, he's the victim!

Jane Morton-Humphries, chair of the bench, fined Davies £576 and ordered him to pay £620 costs and a £57 victim surcharge. She ordered him to pay the £1,253 total at £50 a month.

Davies said he was already paying £50 a month for other court matters.

“I can't pay £100 a month," he said. "I just can’t.

“If I’m forced into bankruptcy, I’m forced into bankruptcy.”

He whines more than his mutt. But for once, the magistrate wasn't having any!

Ms Morton-Humphries said: “This is a fine. It is a punishment.

“It is not to fit to your circumstances.

“I am saying you have to pay this fine.

"You earn £2,500 a month and that is well above the benefit limit.

“If the fine is not paid then there are other methods that can be used.”

Excellent! If he can afford the tattoos, moving house & a large noisy dog, he can afford to pay his fines. And if he won't, over to the bailiffs!

Actually, Mr Stephenson Had The Greater Part In It....

The prosecution alleges that Norman did not check it was safe to drive over what was in the road, or he was not keeping a good enough look out.

'We say that his driving was therefore careless and he therefore caused the death of Mr Stephenson,' added Mr Waley.

And was Mr Stevenson crossing the road on a pedestrian crossing when he was mown down?

Reader, he was not...

It took 105 minutes for a jury to unanimously acquit Mr Norman after he was charged with death by careless driving after he struck the student on March 26, 2016.

That long, huh? The biscuits must have been good.

And I wonder what bearing this will have on this recent case?

H/T: Pcar via comments

No Humans Involved....

Mr Chambers, who was 30, died after being stabbed in the heart with a large combat knife after arranging to meet someone to sell them drugs at the back of a block of flats on June 13.

He was attacked by a 15-year-old boy, who was seen laughing and walking away from the scene with Felou Abadja, 19, the Old Bailey heard.

One dead dealer, two incarcerated street rats. Not for long enough, mind you:

The pair of teenagers were cleared of murder but convicted of manslaughter and having a blade, and have been remanded in custody to be sentenced on February 2.

Yes, clearly, who knew if you stabbed someone in the heart with a combat knife, they'd die? Just an accident. Innit, blud?

Giving evidence, the 16-year-old told jurors he had stabbed Mr Chambers in self-defence with the victim's own knife.

Predictably, the 'victim's' friends turn up in the comments to spew their illiterate tributes to a good man who wasn't doing nuffin', innit?

Google Translate's not much help...

But it's when the purported relatives turn up that things get really salty:

That's a rather interesting take on drug dealing, you'll have to agree...